We took family pictures yesterday and oh what an adventure it was! We went northeast of Butte to a cool little place called Elk Park. The boys loved climbing the fences, throwing sticks and rocks and getting good and dirty in their nice church clothes. We had a memorable time. I think only 1 picture actually turned out decent...not great...but we're all looking in the same direction; so we had success!
It's been over a year now that I've written and we've had, as my mom keeps telling me, "just a bump in the road." So I thought I should let you all know more about this bump... or rather this 'lump' I had. You may want to put the kids to bed and kiss your husband GN; this will be long. Grab some popcorn. Everything's better with food.
The Appointment
Dillon was accepted to a master's program at Montana Tech University in Butte, MT, to study Industrial Hygiene Health and Safety. School started August 24th. We made the necessary preparations to move, and August 18th was our departure date. All summer long while preparing to move, I felt promptings that I needed to go see my OB in Logan before we left to just get things checked out since I hadn't been in 3 years. So, on Aug 13th I went to my OB to have a pap smear, breast exam and physical...no big deal. However, this next part of the physical would change my life forever. After everything was all done she said randomly, "Let's feel your thyroid." And I thought, "Ok, where the heck is my thyroid?" I've never had any doctor feel my thyroid before in my life. So she starts feeling my neck and says, "Oh, it feels a little enlarged. Let's have you get an ultrasound." At this point I'm thinking, "What in the world? I'm moving on Saturday! I don't have time for this."
The next day I went to Bear Lake Memorial Hospital (Dillon's work) for an ultrasound and the technician found a nodule (2.4 cm wide) on the right side of my thyroid. This is the part where I freaked out. I was completely immobilized. It felt like all my blood had drained from my body. I laid there on the table totally numb, my mind going crazy. Dillon came in and we cried and talked about what to do and what might happen and that through it all, he'd be there for me every step of the way. He also reminded me that we'd made covenants with the Lord and we are sealed forever as a family, no matter what happened to our bodies here on earth. I was comforted by his strength and faith that everything would be alright. I had to lean on him for everything. I was completely devastated.
Two days later I had a biopsy on the nodule, which was a crazy experience. They numbed my neck and stuck 5 long needles down into my thyroid to get cell samples to test. And yes, I was awake the whole time. The pathology report concluded that inside the nodule were abnormal cells and they suggested surgery to remove the nodule and possibly the whole thyroid. We made an appointment with an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist in Logan, Dr. Bennion, for the following Monday; two days after we were supposed to move to Montana.
At this point I couldn't eat, sleep, think, or function normally. I couldn't handle being alone. I was a mess. I weighed 110 pounds; I could not eat. I was terrified about what would or could happen. A few times my arms were literally so tensed up that I couldn't straighten out my fingers to zip up my hoodie. It was as if my wrist was attached to my collarbone and my fingers spread down like a fan. Dillon would massage it for me and it seemed to help, but not go away. My legs would go numb and my fingers tingly. The mind is powerful. I tried an anti-anxiety pill; it made things worse. I went to a therapist, which helped greatly, but still not the fix I needed. In short, I lacked faith.
I had a hundred questions that couldn't be answered. And of course the 1 question I didn't want to answer..."Am I going to die?" Cancer was staring me in the face. It was impossible for me to brush that aside and be normal. In addition to this, 90% of our belongings were packed in a trailer in our driveway ready to pull out and head north. Thank heavens we had my parents 5 minutes away and Dillon's family an hour away. AND we had our amazing ward that was with us every step of the way! People took our kids and played with them, people helped with laundry, meals, cleaning and packing; you name it, they did it! It was a miracle.
The Turning Point
Sunday found me alone for an hour and a half while Dillon and the boys were at church with my parents. I used this time in prayer to my Heavenly Father, my Maker, my Healer; pleading for answers to my questions. I needed some kind of answer, some feeling that I would be alright, which I hadn't received up to this point. When Wyatt went through his little scare in July with acute cerebellum ataxia I had peace every time I prayed. I knew he'd be OK. I didn't have that at all with this and that scared me more than anything. It felt like the heavens were closed...until then.
While in prayer with my Heavenly Father I boldly asked the question, "Am I going to die?" I felt a warming, comforting feeling start at my head and travel all through my body; and then the words came into my mind, "You are My child. I will not forget you." My whole body heaved a sigh of relief and I broke down. As I continued in prayer I slowly came to realize that He would take care of me. I just needed to trust in Him. My answer wasn't a yes or no; but a peaceful assurance that I was His child and he remembered me in my darkest hour. He is in control. This was part of His plan. I would be OK.
I met my mom at the door; out of bed, showered and dressed, ready for the bump in my road. I knew who was driving.
The Surgery
Dillon and I left the house at 5 am to get to Cache Valley Specialty hospital by 6:30 for surgery on August 23rd. After all the ba-zillion questions they ask you and poking and peeing, I was ready. Dr. Bennion, my Ear, Nose and Throat Surgeon, and the anesthesiologist came in and said, "Let's go!" I kissed Dillon and took my place in between these two tall men in my little gown and walked down the hall into the operating room. I was freezing, shaking and scared out of my mind. As a little side note: I have never broken a bone. I have never had stitches. I have never been hospitalized except to have my babies and that was terrifying (the first time at least). So I am not used to this surgery word or anything having to do with it.
I kept thinking when are they going to put me on one of those wheelie things and wheel me into the operating room like they do in the movies. We turned a corner to my left and these wide steel doors swung slowly open and unveiled the dreaded room. It was bright and white and and metal and cold. People seemed to be moving about busily with only their eyes visible; I could almost hear the sharpening of the knives they were preparing to use on my body...MY body!! I couldn't handle it. I stopped and almost stepped back, but then kind Dr. Bennion put his hand on my shoulder and said, "You're going to be fine. Come lay down on the table." I couldn't catch my breath. I laid down and looked up at the nurse with pleading eyes, "HELP!!!!" She patted my shoulder and then I was out.
I later found out my funny Dr. Bennion nick-named me the scared rabbit. How appropriate.
The Diagnosis
"We took the whole thing. We did a total thyroidectomy," I heard Dr. Bennion say to Dillon as I came to. Apparently the thyroid nodule tissues were still abnormal and the pathologists said it's best to just take the whole thing out. Which I am so so happy they did because I NEVER want to go through that surgery again. Recovery was difficult the first 3-4 days, but I made it. I plowed through with the help again from family and friends and ward members. Every time I swallowed it felt like there was a brick in my throat. It was awful. That brick turned out to be a 6-8 inch tube curled inside of my skin to help drain fluids off the surgery site. That was eventually removed and I could go home. We made a few phone calls and found out that the nodule was cancerous. I have or rather had Papillary Thyroid Cancer, Stage 1. The tumor itself was 1.5 cm inside the 2.4 cm nodule.
I have read many parenting books. I have researched several topics on mothering and parenting skills. I have asked numerous friends for good motherly advice. They have all been good. They have all been helpful. But no where have I found a more complete way of becoming like Christ than through a consistent study of the scriptures. I have found that becoming more like Him, I can become not only a better mother, but a better wife, a better friend and a better child of God. I wish to express my gratitude for the blessing of scriptures in my life and for the ease of accessibility of the word of God to a simple housewife like me.
http://lds.org/pages/the-blessings-of-scripture?lang=eng
Cut and paste this page above to see the video of William Tyndale. Sorry i can't figure out how to just click on it and go right to the page. Any help?
On Thursday morning at Redfish Lake, we woke the boys up early to head south to Elko, Nevada for my Grandma Poulsen's Bates family reunion. It was with her 5 siblings and their families. So fun!! The boys were a little groggy, but were good sports about it once we turned a movie on in the van.
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Shortly after arriving in the beautiful Ruby Valley, NV (just southeast of elko) the boys found a small stream to play in which provided enough entertainment the whole time we were there. It reminded me of the time when we came to Susanville ( I think I was 6 or 7) for a family reunion and the uncles dammed (not sure how to spell that one) up the creek somewhere up in the mountains, probably Diamond Mtn, and we played in it for hours. That was one of my favorite memories in Susanville. Loved it.
The girls visited while the menfolk put up the tents.
My Aunt Debbie and Uncle Robert, so cute!
Monica and her kids, Me and mine, and some of Lori's girls
Lori and I
The Original Bates crew: Leona, Monte, Jean, Larue and Dorothy (We are missing you Grandma, Great-Grandma and Great Grandpa Bates!)
Families are forever
dean-o and lacey invited us to redfish lake with them and their family. let me just say it's one place i will want to visit again and again. loved it. here's some pics to show what we did. i'll forgo the commentary.
the bee-u-tiful redfish lake
sawtooths
kassie doesn't really love the water (which is weird for a lab), but she doesn't mind her feet getting wet
our camp
the handy-man and the kitchen box he made. soo nice.
life is but a dream...
owen, wishing he could grow gills and fins
parker and mr. fish
owen and mr. fish
3 boys, 3 fish, 1 yummy dinner
papa sid, gma and the boys. gma hooked us up with free poles and bait!
wyatt with supper in his hands
parker and mr. swollen eye
owen with a mosquito bite on his eyebrow
still yet to come: bates family reunion in the lovely ruby valley, NV.
