exit

every morning when i wake up, i think to myself, when is this day going to end?

i'm living from day to day, drifting in and out of my own life. i don't even feel like a human... i feel like a figurine on your mantelpiece that you occasionally forget about. my existence, to me, feels insufficient in this world. because i feel like i'm never enough, that i'll never be good enough, and that nothing will change how i feel. solely because, people never change. and neither do their expectations of themselves.

i entered this institution shiny and happy, optimistic about my capabilities. but three years on, i am left standing at the same spot, chewed up and battered by the system, floating aimlessly on this seabed that we call life.

melbourne

here for the fifth time and i'm still having mixed feelings about this place. it's boring and expensive yet i don't want to leave..

It's a christmas nightmare

After hundreds of dollars spent at supre, victoria secret, asos, topshop, transdesign, forever21 and jeffery campbell.. I am finally done with 5 finals. Exams can be really expensive in vanessa's world.

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OPI is God's gift to the world

Today I had a really rough paper (I will never ever forgive myself) so I went ahead to spend money that I didn't have.

I don't feel better.

I'm so tired of antmodels playing the pity card.

"Ooh I'm a single mom and I have 2 jobs"
"Ooh I lived out of a box til 16"

Seriously? Get over it tyra!! More interesting people pls. I mean it's getting abit boring to see models break down and cry about their lives everytime they win/lose something.

The worst way to waste 30mins of your life is queuing up for koi bubbletea.

But I still do it anyway.

I went to get my biannual haircut (ya I know I'm so disgusting) yesterday. I chose not to drive because parking at holland on a saturday evening in my past experience will only result in increased hypertension or a possible fist fight with angsty ahbengs. Being a typical lousy and non assertive lady driver, I chose not to subject myself to such stress.

Back to my haircut.. I was quite bent on chopping them thick and long locks of hair because it really gets annoying while studying *nerd face*. But the first thing my hairdresser said when I let down my hair was "wow!!! This is such a beautiful length" and being such a sucker for compliments and peer approval (in this case, my hairdresser) I backed out and gave it a two inch trim.

Gah. I really don't enjoy haircuts because it's always so time consuming. I do not believe in 30mins head massages + hairwash and another 30mins of blowdrying. Seriously?? Time is money!! Guess I really wasted my saturday evening.

I'm a really horrible person with a horrible heart. I need to get better...