Yesterday, I was sorting through stuff and came across the last letters I received from my maternal grandmother. She's been gone 30 years now, and I still think of her often. I have the usual adult regrets, wishing I had known her better, and wondering if I was less self-absorbed as a teenager than I recall.
As I read those last letters, it occurred to me that while life had thrown a few curveballs at her late in life, she was still remarkably positive. She was lonely and alluded to that, but it's clear she was doing her best to stay busy.
Reading the letters, I was struck by the positive tone. My grandmother didn't have an easy life, and she was still working as a hair stylist (or beauty operator, as she called it) at the time of her death at age 72. She didn't go to college. She didn't have an abundance of money. But what she did have was a network of family, friends, and church to keep her active and engaged.
Those letters also made me question my own constant emphasis on happiness and fulfillment, and whether I'm making this too hard and complicated. I have no idea if my grandmother would have considered herself a happy person, but she was positive. I'd say that happiness and positivity go hand in hand, and that you can't really have one without the other. Gratitude fits in there somewhere, too. I found all of these elements in the letters.
Maybe, instead of chasing the elusive goal of "happiness," and my vague idea of what that is, I should be focusing on positivity and gratitude and see where that leads me. This takes me back to the line that most struck me from the letters, and that is when she said "look on life with happiness and love." In the weeks that have passed since reading the letters, I've tried to keep those words in the front of my mind. Some days it's easier than others, but I like the direction it's going.
