When you reach certain age/stage of your life
people surround you start to ask questions or give opinions/suggestions
Like: do you plan to have kids? when are you getting married? what kind of job is a postdoc? You are not young anymore, time to start a family...
I know, to the old generation standard, I am pretty old to not have a career nor a family. And when you are at certain age, families and friends just expect that you would do certain things. Marriage, for one. Kids follow......
If I get myself out of the circle of questioning and expectations, and if people who are asking or demanding can get themselves out as well, then perhaps we can have a good discussion. The two probably most important decisions in one's life deserve some thoughts and discussion, don't they?
Why do people get married? I have not heard a single answer that I could relate to. Am I against marriage? No, of course not. It's just that I can't seem to find a meaning of it, so there's no point doing it. Found the catch twenty-two? I want a reason for myself, a reason why I would do it. There are, however, quite a few more realistic part of it that make sense. It makes sharing your life with another person easier in practical terms. You are recognized as a unit, legally. Those realistic parts are getting much more meaningful now than when I was like 18, but still...
I like what Miranda said in Sex and the City when Carrie asked her if she is so cynical about the whole marriage thing then why even bother with the ceremony. She said "because I realized I want to say those vows, to Steve, in front of people I care....". Now there is a reason, from a TV show...
And then comes kids. Again, not young anymore so should have kids soon. Or should I? My dislike of kids is actually not that superficial. It's really that I don't think I can be responsible for something that important. And I don't want to fail as a parent and make my kid the kind that I dislike the most (I would simply kill myself). I also do not have the personal ego to have to have one of my own. So there you go again, there's no reason, so no point to do so. Plus there's tons of reasons why NOT to have kids. For one, I simply can't afford one. I have no career, remember?
But really, do I wanna get married and have kids? All I said above is truly what I think. But the negative feeling about those only comes with the noises. It's like when a religious person asks if I believe in God. The first feeling is to defend myself. In Angels and Demons, professor Landon was asked if he believes in God and he answered as how I would. Then the girl said "I didn't ask if you believe in the God that everyone else says who he is, I simply asks if you believe in God." (or something like that, can't remember the detail). Now that's interesting. If all those questions about if I believe in God, if I want to get married, if I want to have kids, do not come with an expected answer, then they are really just questions without the noises and maybe I can try to answer without defending.
The problem is, when answering the noises, it's simply NO, No, and NO. When answering the questions, my answer is "I'm not sure." to all of them. I could analyze the pros and cons; I could make a list like Miranda did in the movie to help me make a choice; but until the time comes I simply won't know. What can I say? I am a scientist. Things regarding uncertainties and the future give me no base to make a logical interpretation. I suspect, even if I witness a miracle, I would probably have to be able to repeat it to truly believe it.
So, are those answers acceptable? Are they satisfying? Can't I just say I am not sure? Or it's all yes-or-no question here?
Definite answer does not mean you are smart, you know?
