April 2013 ICLW

I have not participated in ICLW for quite a while now.  If this is your first time visiting, or if you haven't visited since the last ICLW I participated in, I should tell you first that I am pregnant after my second try at IVF.  If this is as far as you read, I completely understand.

I haven't done ICLW since being pregnant because I always recoiled a bit (sometimes a lot) when I landed on a blog during ICLW whose author was writing about pregnancy or parenting.  I felt betrayed by the (albeit wonderful and supportive) commenter who stopped by my blog, where and when I was writing about miscarriage, whose link I clicked on to return a supportive comment or learn more about her, only to find out she was 30 weeks pregnant after IVF #1, or IUI or whatever (it doesn't matter).

It is different, however, if you choose blogs to look at from the ICLW page.  Most people accurately describe what they have been blogging most about recently.  If you want to avoid 'pregnancy after IVF', for example, or 'parenting', or whatever you might not feel strong enough to read at any given time, you easily may. 

But returning comments is part of ICLW.  So what do you do when you are deep in the trenches and someone leaves you a really thoughtful comment and you want to return the sentiment but doing so brings you to a blog with pictures and tickers and nothing but weekly updates about pregnancy?

I don't have an answer. 

I only know that I can't blog about general infertility right now.  I am not an activist right now.  It is still too scary. When I think too much about my experience with IVF and miscarriage and statistics, I worry that even this pregnancy might end without a live baby. I do however think about pregnancy after infertility all the time.  When my friend says she feels like a failure as a woman because her breast milk never came in adequately enough to exclusively breastfeed, the bitter infertile in me awakens (Even when she immediately realizes what she has done and says, "Oh my god, that was such a shitty thing to say in front of you; I'm so sorry). 

I don't really know how many people from the IF community are still listening. I do know what I have sought from infertility blogs, past and present, during the last 7 months. Weekly reassurances, common fears, how to accept good news and normalcy, and in many ways, how to leave infertility behind.

29 weeks: A Pass and a Fail and No Back-up Plan

I am currently one week into the third trimester.  Unbelievable.  A baby born at 29 weeks has somewhere around a 90% chance of survival.  I just wish I lived closer to an NICU.

Last week, I made an appointment with the local midwife who has been my primary care provider for my annual exams to let them know that I am finally pregnant and receiving prenatal care and birthing with another practice but would like to consult with them in case I go into labor early, before I make the full time move to the city where I will be giving birth when I am full term.  A back-up plan.

Did I tell you this?  Because we live in a rural area, when I am full term and need to be within an hour of the place I plan to give birth, we will just stay in that city until the baby is born (I've been working and living there part time on and off for 3 years.  This is also what made finding OB care so difficult.)

Anyway, we thought the local midwives and the hospital they work out of would be our back-up plan in the case of pre-term labor.  Nope.  The closest hospital that will deliver a baby before 37 weeks is 2 hours away, the same hospital network from which I am currently receiving care!  This means that if I go into early labor at home, even at 36 weeks, I will be FLOWN, in a helicopter or plane, to the nearest NICU facility.  Scary, no?  It sort of changes for me the security of the 90% survival rate for babies born at 29 weeks.

Despite that, I am still feeling confident.  I just made sure to discuss a plan for pre-term labor at my 28/29 week appointment yesterday.  Thankfully, I am now on a 2 week schedule for my appointments and everything is looking great.  Sort of.

The pass: I had my glucose test yesterday.  Is it bad that I sort of liked the taste of the lemon glucola?  Ok, yes it was way too sweet and sat like a puddle of syrup in my gut for an hour, but I have been craving coca-cola for weeks now.  I will clarify that "I sort of liked" the first few sips of the glucola, until I had to start chugging it to get it down in 5 minutes.  It reminded me a little of the Peruvian drink, Inca Kola in the way the sugars coat your teeth and make you feel sweaty if you actually finish an entire bottle.

I passed with normal glucose levels.  Hooray! as I was worried I wouldn't by the young, thin woman in the waiting room who chatted me up about failing hers.

The fail I mentioned in the title of this post is that my iron levels are low enough that I am considered anemic.  Probably not that big of a deal and pretty common. I just need additional iron supplementation.  It does make me worry about the little one, but the nurse assured me that his body is probably getting what he needs and just leaving my body a bit depleted. 

However, one of the risks of anemia during pregnancy? Pre-term labor.

Of course it is.

27 Weeks: We Have a Crib

It's not set up yet or anything, just parts in a cluttered room that is slowly filling up with stuff for a baby I never thought we would be able to have.  We have a crib.  This is what we've been saying to each other every now and then in still disbelief.  And utter gratitude. I can't believe we have a crib.

------------------

We did some traveling over spring break and I think I ate too much.  By Saturday, I experienced my first attack of indigestion.  I was sick all night and vomited for the first and second time during pregnancy.  I still feel full and can't eat much at a time.  By evening indigestion seems to hit, often with nausea and discomfort in my ribs.  Is this what the third trimester is going to be like?