Monthly Archives: May 2009

There are a few random things on my mind…

1. What are all these weird aches and pains in my abdomen?

2. Why am I so itchy?

3. When will I stop heaving? And, how much would I be heaving if I stopped taking diclectin?

4. Is Bubble a boy or a girl?

5. Am I ever going to start ‘glowing’?

6. Will I like meat again, or am I on the road to being a vegetarian?

7. Why does the hair on my legs now grow so fast and the hair on my head grow so slow?

8. Is it wrong to buy an expensive designer stroller with unexpected money from my tax refund?

9. Is the feeling that someone is gently playing piano in my insides the Bubble tap, tap, tapping away?

10. Am I out of line to want to ask people who tell me I won’t be able to stop at one for $15,000 to prove them right? (I haven’t yet but I will if you tell me it’s ok…)

Going to check in on the heartbeat now. Still loving the doppler.

Here are the five things that happened today that made me think being pregnant is like getting old…

5. Fell asleep before dinner

4. Got out of the car to stretch my legs while someone ran in to a store

3. Wore a mosquito net hat and work gloves on a walk

4. Had a wide bottom cushioned seat placed at my seat at the dinner table

5. Was excited to go to Costco – to get a jumbo bag of prunes

Lordy. What’s in store for me next?

OB appointment went a-ok. Ultrasound results from NT were all good. Blood results aren’t back yet. Have the rec’ for next scan (boy or girl?) in 4 weeks, another blood test in 2 weeks and that’s about it.

It’s late and we had a long drive today so I’m beat. Staying at husband’s parents. So far so good…

The dry heaves. And the sea sickies. You’d think that after 14 weeks they’d be gone for good. especially considering I’m still taking the anti-sicks.

But no…

My plan was to come off the drugs during week 15 but I’m rethinking that now. I wonder if I’ll feel this all the way through? I think there’s some kind of hormonal jump going this week. If you were following the chest progression from grapefruit through the various sizes of melon (I think i’m at honeydew) you’d agree.

OB appointment tomorrow. Official results on NT should be back. Here’s to hoping the blood test reveals nothing and we keep chugging along.

How about a pic of the crib and bedding I want?

crib

bedding

Lately this blog has been a bit of a snore – heck, I’m the first to admit it. And I’ve been trying to figure out what my problem is. And I believe it’s this – I feel bad.

As thrilled as I am to be here – I haven’t quite come to terms with leaving ‘trying to get pregnant’ and all the ups and downs and heartache. For one, I’m looking for disaster at every turn thinking that this twinge or that pinch is the beginning of the end and what a sad sop I’ll look like after gushing all these months about the miracle and the joy only to be taken down – lower than I was before.

And then there’s all the bad news. I’m having a really hard time with all the bad news. I realize the weepyness isn’t helping. But I have so many friends in real life and folk here on the internet who are sharing stories of heartbreak and loss and grief and I don’t know why this story – my story with Bubble – continues to move along, days and weeks and milestones getting ticked off, while others have veered off to other paths paved with tears. Why’d I get so lucky?

Did I? Will my luck run out?

Infertility is so cruel in it’s ability to keep hold of you no matter what.

I love the stories, I read the journeys, I hope with all hope that no one has to feel pain or sadness or loss. I love celebrating the successes and I adore getting to know someone better, one post at a time.

But I feel a bit like slinking in the background. Like somehow I got the prize without having to go through all the stages of the game.

Like I cheated.

Not much going on around here. Starting to sniff around the web for bedding and other baby room things but no decisions yet.

I think our stalled bathroom reno is starting to get me down. We have crap everywhere and there’s just no cleaning routine that can battle the shrapnel. WE HAVE A TOILET IN OUR FREAKING LIVING ROOM! (the new one…)

I’m not neat by nature, but my nesting instincts are starting. And I’ve had it with renovating that f’ing bathroom.!

um, well now that that’s off my chest I don’t have much else.

I’ll try and get some pics of the flowers, the bathroom and the belly to post soon.

Of the plant variety. We went there today and bought plants. Now I have never owned a plant that has survived my care. But my new nurturing self felt an uncontrollable urge to care for something other than a cat. So, flowers it is.

Our deck looks pretty good. The flowers are lovely. Not sure how long I can expect them to survive…I’m hoping we can all make it to the third trimester together!

We shall see.

Huge presentation this morning went well. Got in the way of blogging last night. And of anything happening that would give something to talk about.

Time marches on however. And today we’re 14 W. No matter how you count we’re in the second trimester.

I have little to commemerate the occasion and after working 50 hours in 4 days I’m too tired to be clever. So here’s the mp3 of Bubble’s heart beat I mentioned earlier in the week. Had to chase the wiggler around a bit so it comes and goes.

Or, not. hmmm – can’t figure out how to upload it.

Alright, it’s here. Not super private but there if you’d like to hear why I love the rented doppler.

I’m feeling all smug tonight because I figured out how to make an mp3 of the baby’s heartbeat with very little trouble.

The only challenge was that the little wiggler kept squirming away  so I had to chase it around my tummy with the doppler.

That’s the only excitement I have to report on today.

sigh.