What's your meaning of life?
recently asked my friends.
I just wanna find answers for them.
As a reference, for myself.
Cuz I have lost my passion to live.
I meant, not so serious as u all think.
But, everyday doing the same thing, worrying of the same thing, stressed of the same thing,
Live the same life. I seriously felt that nothing is meaningful.
Or maybe I just do not satisfy myself or my life.
I always keep one thinking bear in my mind, which it is like a bug keep engulfing my feelings.
Always think that people would not like me, people around don't like me.
Including my family, my friends.
And yes, my relationship with them are bad.
Except some of them.
Maybe even just one wrong thing u did will just made people feel not good about you?
And I always become so careful and scared people's hatred.
Lol so the topic changed.
What was I talking about for so long.
I know I should not hate myself.
Oh no. Thinking too much again.
If I could think things simpler, I think I will be happier. Sigh...
Same to everyone.
My wish for now.
-Have a vacation. Go anywhere. Just out of kl. It's so simple. But why it's so hard to be fulfilled...
-Get back closer with my old friends and seniors. I hope so. Hope lol.
-Get around well with my college friends. I dun have any motivation to go school for now. Lol.
-Family more close and communicate more... Outing more... But...
-Have a music performance somewhere. :) makes me feel satisfied.
-Go to help out the camp. Unluckily im in college now. Don't have much time.
-Get my car license. -Study well. -Become HEALTHY. It's important.
Sigh.
What would life be if too many demands?
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
不知道的生活
在想，现在到底在过着怎样的生活。
懒散地对着电子产品，搞到眼睛都有问题。
每天迟睡。
开学后？每天一大早起来赶去学校，
一直不停上着自己认为“只是必需、没有选择而上的课”，
然后怀疑自己当初的选择，
很压力。
然后拖着疲惫的身躯回家。根本不想动书。
每天同样的生活，同样的紧凑步伐，同样的绷紧了神经，到底为了什么？
最终目标是什么？
还有为什么一定要得到最好的结果？
现在越来越迷惘，越来越觉得很负担。
看着紧密的时间表，看着一堆堆书。
现在想到要开学，真是苦不堪言。
我这样也很少人知道，包括我家人。
可能妈妈猜到吧。
知道需要一定的毅力和自我管理能力，
知道活在这世上已经需要感谢，能吃饱穿暖已经需要感激，
能舒服地坐在这打字已经需要感恩。
可是我觉得，就算是在乡下过着平淡生活的老奶奶都比我觉得充实幸福。
需要想一个目标了。
需要想未来抱负了。
需要想自己的梦想了。
需要一个能让自己有动力的引擎了。
不管怎样，再不愿意也好，也还是需要走下去的话，也只有这样了。
说这么多，也只是想渲泄而已，是吧。
懒散地对着电子产品，搞到眼睛都有问题。
每天迟睡。
开学后？每天一大早起来赶去学校，
一直不停上着自己认为“只是必需、没有选择而上的课”，
然后怀疑自己当初的选择，
很压力。
然后拖着疲惫的身躯回家。根本不想动书。
每天同样的生活，同样的紧凑步伐，同样的绷紧了神经，到底为了什么？
最终目标是什么？
还有为什么一定要得到最好的结果？
现在越来越迷惘，越来越觉得很负担。
看着紧密的时间表，看着一堆堆书。
现在想到要开学，真是苦不堪言。
我这样也很少人知道，包括我家人。
可能妈妈猜到吧。
知道需要一定的毅力和自我管理能力，
知道活在这世上已经需要感谢，能吃饱穿暖已经需要感激，
能舒服地坐在这打字已经需要感恩。
可是我觉得，就算是在乡下过着平淡生活的老奶奶都比我觉得充实幸福。
需要想一个目标了。
需要想未来抱负了。
需要想自己的梦想了。
需要一个能让自己有动力的引擎了。
不管怎样，再不愿意也好，也还是需要走下去的话，也只有这样了。
说这么多，也只是想渲泄而已，是吧。
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
梦
每次打扰我的夜晚，
有时让我心绪不宁，有时让我流下眼泪，有时让我精神恍惚。
那就是梦。
我发的梦都可以写小说拍电影了。
各种类型，恐怖电影，青春小说，爱情连续剧，惊险动作片。
虽然有些夸张，梦里的东西根本不合逻辑，可是梦境很真实。
很多人也有发梦，可是都会不记得梦里面有什么。
我则很多次发了梦后印象深刻，有些东西还是记得。
记得有一次的梦，我记得我在里面捏一捏打一打自己的脸颊，
想测试这是梦境还是现实，结果不痛，
“啊，是梦境啊。”
有没有很搞笑？=-=
我还记得那时是在房间里，一个装饰诡异的房间。
啊真是的。
有一次则是一个好像校园那么大的地方，不是校园，正体不明，
走到哪里都看到自己的所有朋友或认识的人，
很开心，也很伤心，哭了。
然后梦到爸爸也是时常的事情。
应该是日有所思，夜有所梦吧？
而有一些是从高高的楼梯跳，连心脏都快跳出来一般，
可是当然成功着陆。拍动作片么？=-=
然后，有一次简直是很像进入鬼片场景一样。
故事好像是围绕着一本书。
可怕的是当时好像是在家里。
碰到的可怕的东西或事情我就不多说了。
正确来说好像只记得一个恐怖场景。
可是那个梦境氛围真是太难以形容了，阴沉沉的。
最讨厌这样的梦境出现了。
是不是觉得很神奇？
还有呢，还有一些梦好像拍青春或爱情剧般，
有时男女主角是别人，有时女主角本身是我，男主角则有点模糊。
比如昨晚的，有两个阶段，第二个阶段吧？好像有一个人找了我很久。
印象最深刻是我们有上课，类似学院的地方，
上课的时候类似是他朋友或助手说: “这就是你要找的人。”
他要走过来可是很奇特的之后就转变场景立刻到下课了。
那边竟然有狮子，还有游乐园。=-= 还有烟花。
真是太荒谬了，而且大小狮子一群没隔离，就在路边坐着。
真是疯了。
而我好像被捉弄而突然变夜晚，到达那个地方，
幸好驯兽师和工作人员在，趁机会我逃离了那边。
应该是太可怕了所以这一段我到现在还记得很清楚。
之后的故事发展不是很清楚。还想继续睡探讨故事发展的呢XD
还是算了。太晚起床了。
很神奇吧？我还记得那么多。
其实做梦很累。
还有很多就不说了，简直就比自己平常生活精彩对吧。
有没有试过你去到一些地方，或看到一些东西，
似曾相识呢？
有些则是在梦里出现过所以出现混乱。
梦啊，有时可以让我休息一下么？/-\
应该是说，脑啊，别想那么多，好好休息吧。
有时让我心绪不宁，有时让我流下眼泪，有时让我精神恍惚。
那就是梦。
我发的梦都可以写小说拍电影了。
各种类型，恐怖电影，青春小说，爱情连续剧，惊险动作片。
虽然有些夸张，梦里的东西根本不合逻辑，可是梦境很真实。
很多人也有发梦，可是都会不记得梦里面有什么。
我则很多次发了梦后印象深刻，有些东西还是记得。
记得有一次的梦，我记得我在里面捏一捏打一打自己的脸颊，
想测试这是梦境还是现实，结果不痛，
“啊，是梦境啊。”
有没有很搞笑？=-=
我还记得那时是在房间里，一个装饰诡异的房间。
啊真是的。
有一次则是一个好像校园那么大的地方，不是校园，正体不明，
走到哪里都看到自己的所有朋友或认识的人，
很开心，也很伤心，哭了。
然后梦到爸爸也是时常的事情。
应该是日有所思，夜有所梦吧？
而有一些是从高高的楼梯跳，连心脏都快跳出来一般，
可是当然成功着陆。拍动作片么？=-=
然后，有一次简直是很像进入鬼片场景一样。
故事好像是围绕着一本书。
可怕的是当时好像是在家里。
碰到的可怕的东西或事情我就不多说了。
正确来说好像只记得一个恐怖场景。
可是那个梦境氛围真是太难以形容了，阴沉沉的。
最讨厌这样的梦境出现了。
是不是觉得很神奇？
还有呢，还有一些梦好像拍青春或爱情剧般，
有时男女主角是别人，有时女主角本身是我，男主角则有点模糊。
比如昨晚的，有两个阶段，第二个阶段吧？好像有一个人找了我很久。
印象最深刻是我们有上课，类似学院的地方，
上课的时候类似是他朋友或助手说: “这就是你要找的人。”
他要走过来可是很奇特的之后就转变场景立刻到下课了。
那边竟然有狮子，还有游乐园。=-= 还有烟花。
真是太荒谬了，而且大小狮子一群没隔离，就在路边坐着。
真是疯了。
而我好像被捉弄而突然变夜晚，到达那个地方，
幸好驯兽师和工作人员在，趁机会我逃离了那边。
应该是太可怕了所以这一段我到现在还记得很清楚。
之后的故事发展不是很清楚。还想继续睡探讨故事发展的呢XD
还是算了。太晚起床了。
很神奇吧？我还记得那么多。
其实做梦很累。
还有很多就不说了，简直就比自己平常生活精彩对吧。
有没有试过你去到一些地方，或看到一些东西，
似曾相识呢？
有些则是在梦里出现过所以出现混乱。
梦啊，有时可以让我休息一下么？/-\
应该是说，脑啊，别想那么多，好好休息吧。
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Random
这个世界，有很多新奇的东西。
既然来到了这个世界，难道不应该去见识一下世界上的东西，
增广视野吗？
就算整天看节目也填补不了对世界的好奇。
在家是无法体验到很多事情的。
比如，农村的青草味，溪水的温度，
不同文化与风情。
很多很多。
这些话，只能在这里说。
很多话，也只能在这里说。
很多事情，不是说了就能改变。
不是说了就会去想
不是想了就会改。
每个人都有自己的想法。
算了。再不开心也好。
最近很压力。该怎么办呢。
怎么才能恢复起来。
既然来到了这个世界，难道不应该去见识一下世界上的东西，
增广视野吗？
就算整天看节目也填补不了对世界的好奇。
在家是无法体验到很多事情的。
比如，农村的青草味，溪水的温度，
不同文化与风情。
很多很多。
这些话，只能在这里说。
很多话，也只能在这里说。
很多事情，不是说了就能改变。
不是说了就会去想
不是想了就会改。
每个人都有自己的想法。
算了。再不开心也好。
最近很压力。该怎么办呢。
怎么才能恢复起来。
Friday, November 15, 2013
Be a teacher
I won't give up of us
even if the sky get rough.
still look it up.
I won't give up.
Again, wanna enjoy the tranquil night.
Stay alone in the living room and hear music, watch shows, with tv and lappie opened.
Hope that noone could interrupt this.
Somehow always been disturbed. lol.
Though tonight want to sleep earlier. These few nights always sleep after 3am.
/______\
Tomorrow have to go to music centre to have lesson and also give lesson to the children. :3
Currently I have three kids, I meant students.
Haha.
They are cute. But 2 of them can't be controlled very well.
One of them has some kind of aging disease.
Her mom brought her here to learn because she likes Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
When she heard that song, she was really happy.
To make her more happier, her mom thought that learn piano will be good for her.
Her mom told me, "She might be scared of you because she thought you are the doctors in the hospital, she scared of them."
She's called Nah :) She's actually quite obedient, but just that do not pay attention to one thing for a period of time. She just can't. Eventually her mom learn from me and teach her at home. Haha.
Her mom is so diligent.
I felt... emm. I don't know. The feelings. Sympathy? No... Touched? Hmph.
And warmed. :) She is quite scared about unknown person and places.
But I hugged her and she is like "sayang" me. Really cute.
Thought, why such a cute child got such disease, since so young.
I feel lucky to teach her and her mom. Cause I can learn something from them.
Her mom keep telling me, "Don't give up her, teacher."
I also promise to her and myself, of course won't.
Another two kids are lucky kids.
I think their parents are friends or family.
They come to learn together.
A 4 years old girl and 8 years old girl.
About the 4 years old girl, hmph, she always like to bang the piano =-=
I thought that was I treating her too good? Played with her.
But she's just 4 years old. Should be enjoying, I'm not going to scold her. sigh.
About another girl, I don't worry at all haha.
She's old enough. =.=" Erm I meant she hears what I say and absorbs it really quickly.
Clever child. And obedient.
But I hope I can provide them a fun lesson.
That they enjoy playing music and playing with me.
Except they are too naughty.
Hah..... Ottoke?
What should I do hmph.
I'm still new in this so I think that it's a bit hard.
But I will try my best, so that my students can enjoy playing the instruments and also master it.
Actually it's good as long as I didn't teach the wrong thing. =w=
Sorry students, teacher is too unprofessional. XD
HOLIDAYYY. <3
Continue watching my shows luuuuuuu.
(worried bout my study but, tomorrow thennnnnnnnnnnnnn.)
even if the sky get rough.
still look it up.
I won't give up.
Again, wanna enjoy the tranquil night.
Stay alone in the living room and hear music, watch shows, with tv and lappie opened.
Hope that noone could interrupt this.
Somehow always been disturbed. lol.
Though tonight want to sleep earlier. These few nights always sleep after 3am.
/______\
Tomorrow have to go to music centre to have lesson and also give lesson to the children. :3
Currently I have three kids, I meant students.
Haha.
They are cute. But 2 of them can't be controlled very well.
One of them has some kind of aging disease.
Her mom brought her here to learn because she likes Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
When she heard that song, she was really happy.
To make her more happier, her mom thought that learn piano will be good for her.
Her mom told me, "She might be scared of you because she thought you are the doctors in the hospital, she scared of them."
She's called Nah :) She's actually quite obedient, but just that do not pay attention to one thing for a period of time. She just can't. Eventually her mom learn from me and teach her at home. Haha.
Her mom is so diligent.
I felt... emm. I don't know. The feelings. Sympathy? No... Touched? Hmph.
And warmed. :) She is quite scared about unknown person and places.
But I hugged her and she is like "sayang" me. Really cute.
Thought, why such a cute child got such disease, since so young.
I feel lucky to teach her and her mom. Cause I can learn something from them.
Her mom keep telling me, "Don't give up her, teacher."
I also promise to her and myself, of course won't.
Another two kids are lucky kids.
I think their parents are friends or family.
They come to learn together.
A 4 years old girl and 8 years old girl.
About the 4 years old girl, hmph, she always like to bang the piano =-=
I thought that was I treating her too good? Played with her.
But she's just 4 years old. Should be enjoying, I'm not going to scold her. sigh.
About another girl, I don't worry at all haha.
She's old enough. =.=" Erm I meant she hears what I say and absorbs it really quickly.
Clever child. And obedient.
But I hope I can provide them a fun lesson.
That they enjoy playing music and playing with me.
Except they are too naughty.
Hah..... Ottoke?
What should I do hmph.
I'm still new in this so I think that it's a bit hard.
But I will try my best, so that my students can enjoy playing the instruments and also master it.
Actually it's good as long as I didn't teach the wrong thing. =w=
Sorry students, teacher is too unprofessional. XD
HOLIDAYYY. <3
Continue watching my shows luuuuuuu.
(worried bout my study but, tomorrow thennnnnnnnnnnnnn.)
Sunday, November 3, 2013
星期日。写
假日真好，不管是周末还是假期。
只要是一整天没工作或是上课，就可以好好休息。
所谓休息，就是放松脑筋啊。
平时一整天都在上课，根本提不起劲。
假日时，早上睡到自然醒。当然是不要太迟，刚刚好。
梳洗完毕，再考虑要做些什么。
比如，一个人到外面走走呀。
我最近都喜欢走到巴刹买东西，
或者去附近的店买些需要的东西。或者买些吃的，很是惬意啊。
一个人慢吞吞而又轻快的走着，不管是太阳普照的好天气，还是凉爽的阴天，都感觉良好。
最重要的是，现在已经可以自己一个人到家附近走走了，没有家人没有朋友。
然后，下午呢，因为我的课程需要死读书的关系，
就读下书，做下练习。
可是其实很多时候都受不了，很想放弃。
然后读不到几分钟就站起来这里看看那里摸摸。
总之就是不能坐好。跟以前真是大不同了啊。
也许以前觉得书读得进，所以比较有成就感吧。
现在是处于超级想放弃的程度，因为根本吸收不到知识。
绝对需要好好努力的。
还是因为环境的关系呢？不知道呢。
不过，通常没读书的话，都会接近电子产品呢，呵呵。
看戏呀听歌呀聊天呀玩游戏呀，现在一机在手果然是希望无穷啊，哈哈。
何况一个家不只是有一机吧，对吧。
放在一旁就是个诱惑，动了它眼睛也会越来越不好。
所以说买个普通nokia？我的是啊。可是那还有很多可玩的呢。
电视机，电脑，ipad 等。哈哈哈。
如果看的东西可以让自己得到一些东西，那也未尝不可以看。
不过时间要好好拿捏就是了。
说到时间，就说到青春。
翻看了以前的日记，还真是把青春浪费在心情上面。
青春不剩多少了，应该好好把握做自己想做的，做让自己开心的，
还有做对未来有计划的。。一切一切。
而负面情绪影响到时间利用的话，就太不值得了不是么。
虽然有时人是需要发泄情绪，可是别一直处在受情绪思想干扰的时候。
这是我现在的想法。
不管现在需要背负什么压力，需要承受什么难受，需要扛起什么责任，
都要好好生活。
是真的，最近都铆足了力，开始勤劳起来了。
嗯，会做到的。只要心要去做，一定可以做到的。
毕竟选择权还是在于自己。
要努力还是懒散，要开心还是伤心。
只是现在，不管伤心还是开心，我想我都会用积极的态度完成人生的任务。
这是对自己的承诺。
发现最近自己比较看得开，是因为老了么？- -"
不想太多，是现在需要学习的东西了。
好啦，就写到这里吧。
希望一切顺利，身体健康，平安。
掰掰 (^_^)/~~
注*用附加键盘打字真是太爽了呵呵呵~~XD
只要是一整天没工作或是上课，就可以好好休息。
所谓休息，就是放松脑筋啊。
平时一整天都在上课，根本提不起劲。
假日时，早上睡到自然醒。当然是不要太迟，刚刚好。
梳洗完毕，再考虑要做些什么。
比如，一个人到外面走走呀。
我最近都喜欢走到巴刹买东西，
或者去附近的店买些需要的东西。或者买些吃的，很是惬意啊。
一个人慢吞吞而又轻快的走着，不管是太阳普照的好天气，还是凉爽的阴天，都感觉良好。
最重要的是，现在已经可以自己一个人到家附近走走了，没有家人没有朋友。
然后，下午呢，因为我的课程需要死读书的关系，
就读下书，做下练习。
可是其实很多时候都受不了，很想放弃。
然后读不到几分钟就站起来这里看看那里摸摸。
总之就是不能坐好。跟以前真是大不同了啊。
也许以前觉得书读得进，所以比较有成就感吧。
现在是处于超级想放弃的程度，因为根本吸收不到知识。
绝对需要好好努力的。
还是因为环境的关系呢？不知道呢。
不过，通常没读书的话，都会接近电子产品呢，呵呵。
看戏呀听歌呀聊天呀玩游戏呀，现在一机在手果然是希望无穷啊，哈哈。
何况一个家不只是有一机吧，对吧。
放在一旁就是个诱惑，动了它眼睛也会越来越不好。
所以说买个普通nokia？我的是啊。可是那还有很多可玩的呢。
电视机，电脑，ipad 等。哈哈哈。
如果看的东西可以让自己得到一些东西，那也未尝不可以看。
不过时间要好好拿捏就是了。
说到时间，就说到青春。
翻看了以前的日记，还真是把青春浪费在心情上面。
青春不剩多少了，应该好好把握做自己想做的，做让自己开心的，
还有做对未来有计划的。。一切一切。
而负面情绪影响到时间利用的话，就太不值得了不是么。
虽然有时人是需要发泄情绪，可是别一直处在受情绪思想干扰的时候。
这是我现在的想法。
不管现在需要背负什么压力，需要承受什么难受，需要扛起什么责任，
都要好好生活。
是真的，最近都铆足了力，开始勤劳起来了。
嗯，会做到的。只要心要去做，一定可以做到的。
毕竟选择权还是在于自己。
要努力还是懒散，要开心还是伤心。
只是现在，不管伤心还是开心，我想我都会用积极的态度完成人生的任务。
这是对自己的承诺。
发现最近自己比较看得开，是因为老了么？- -"
不想太多，是现在需要学习的东西了。
好啦，就写到这里吧。
希望一切顺利，身体健康，平安。
掰掰 (^_^)/~~
注*用附加键盘打字真是太爽了呵呵呵~~XD
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
回忆
回忆是个美好的东西，不管它带给我们的感受是什么，它是珍贵的。
就算现在和一些人没有见面，可是回忆是你们之间唯一的连接。
他们连接着你们的心，你们的记忆。
在你们的记忆深处，知道了，我认识这个人，我曾经跟他一起做过什么，经历什么事情。有吵架吗？有开心的事吗？有幸福吗？有一起去了哪里吗？有一起做过疯狂的事情吗？还是平稳度过了欢快的时刻？有一起协作做一些事情吗？有不爽对方的时刻吗？
这些所有时间，都会从此冻结在我们的脑里，除非你把它给忘了，但是还是会有些许记忆遗留在脑海里。
回忆是个提醒，也是个证明，证明你度过了那样的时刻，证明了你做过那件事情，证明了你认识那个人。而回忆不见了，人生只剩下一张白纸，又要重新来过。甚至会为了想起它而痛苦。
但是，回忆提供人想念的能力。我们能通过回忆去想一个人。
尤其是较少联络的人，或，已经不在自己的身边的人。
而回忆已经足够储存你与他之间的感情。
像按钮一样，当你按了名为记忆的按钮，你将打开一个你也许承受不了的思念，或者是能令你微微一笑的回忆，或者是让你沉浸在其中的情感，无法自拔。
当你执着于回忆的时候，你就会开始想，开始挣扎，
为什么现在不能像以前那么好？还是，为什么已经不存在？
也许，有时候，有回忆，就够了。
因为，那代表，你，曾经有过那段时候。
而你后悔与否，就只看当时的你，学会了珍惜吗？
就算现在和一些人没有见面，可是回忆是你们之间唯一的连接。
他们连接着你们的心，你们的记忆。
在你们的记忆深处，知道了，我认识这个人，我曾经跟他一起做过什么，经历什么事情。有吵架吗？有开心的事吗？有幸福吗？有一起去了哪里吗？有一起做过疯狂的事情吗？还是平稳度过了欢快的时刻？有一起协作做一些事情吗？有不爽对方的时刻吗？
这些所有时间，都会从此冻结在我们的脑里，除非你把它给忘了，但是还是会有些许记忆遗留在脑海里。
回忆是个提醒，也是个证明，证明你度过了那样的时刻，证明了你做过那件事情，证明了你认识那个人。而回忆不见了，人生只剩下一张白纸，又要重新来过。甚至会为了想起它而痛苦。
但是，回忆提供人想念的能力。我们能通过回忆去想一个人。
尤其是较少联络的人，或，已经不在自己的身边的人。
而回忆已经足够储存你与他之间的感情。
像按钮一样，当你按了名为记忆的按钮，你将打开一个你也许承受不了的思念，或者是能令你微微一笑的回忆，或者是让你沉浸在其中的情感，无法自拔。
当你执着于回忆的时候，你就会开始想，开始挣扎，
为什么现在不能像以前那么好？还是，为什么已经不存在？
也许，有时候，有回忆，就够了。
因为，那代表，你，曾经有过那段时候。
而你后悔与否，就只看当时的你，学会了珍惜吗？
Friday, September 13, 2013
困惑
人生嘛，不需要搞得自己那么可悲。
可以的事情就可以吧，不可以的事情怎么强求也不行的。
从以前就说过，随缘就好。
以前爸爸也说过，不要钻牛角尖，虽然到现在还是不能理解钻牛角尖是怎么样，
唉，把自己封闭在一个世界，怎么样也不能成长吧。
我到底，该怎么做呢。
可以的事情就可以吧，不可以的事情怎么强求也不行的。
从以前就说过，随缘就好。
以前爸爸也说过，不要钻牛角尖，虽然到现在还是不能理解钻牛角尖是怎么样，
唉，把自己封闭在一个世界，怎么样也不能成长吧。
我到底，该怎么做呢。
Thursday, September 12, 2013
无题
就算你那么疼我，我还是很不开心。
我也不懂为什么这么执着于这件事情。
可是，我待在家就是很不开心。
你们不懂吗？
对不起，是我太顾及自己的感受。
可是。我真的很不开心。
虽然表面上，一点事情也没有。
我尝试过接受，可是我办不到啊。
想着学业的事情透不过气了，又不想继续读下去，压力好大。
想着好多事情。
家里没有一个人可以好好谈。
也许我太执着吧。
也许我太弱了吧，这种事情当然要承受的。
也许太钻牛角尖了，也许太不包容了。
我有试过往好的方面想，有试过想沟通。
是啊。。如果没有这个家，就没有现在所有的一切。
可是，我还是很不开心啊，叫我怎么办。
爸爸不在了，全部事情都死气沉沉的，到底是为什么。
我也不懂为什么这么执着于这件事情。
可是，我待在家就是很不开心。
你们不懂吗？
对不起，是我太顾及自己的感受。
可是。我真的很不开心。
虽然表面上，一点事情也没有。
我尝试过接受，可是我办不到啊。
想着学业的事情透不过气了，又不想继续读下去，压力好大。
想着好多事情。
家里没有一个人可以好好谈。
也许我太执着吧。
也许我太弱了吧，这种事情当然要承受的。
也许太钻牛角尖了，也许太不包容了。
我有试过往好的方面想，有试过想沟通。
是啊。。如果没有这个家，就没有现在所有的一切。
可是，我还是很不开心啊，叫我怎么办。
爸爸不在了，全部事情都死气沉沉的，到底是为什么。
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
久违的朋友你好 :D
啊。。。久违的。。。
终于和艳婷联络上啦。之前开学都没机会打电话给她。
她又没上网的感觉。
今天终于打过去了哈哈。想聊的很多丫。
不过时间也有限呢。
说她在中六的东西，说我在学院的东西。
果然我们都很怀念以前大家一起的日子啊。:)
他们算是我最好的朋友之一。中学都是一起的。
如果现在也一起读书，那该有多好。。我也会有干劲一点点。唉。
依然是熟悉的感觉丫。:)
虽然很久没见面了。
以前陪我一起的，爸爸葬礼也来问候，让我感到温暖的朋友。:)
唉。我们都好像过得不是很好啊。
希望一直都保持联络丫。
本来要写好多的。灵感都飞走啦。=.=
有些朋友很久没见面依然那么熟悉，有些朋友就算近在咫尺也不一定投契。
缘分，真奇特。呵呵。
终于和艳婷联络上啦。之前开学都没机会打电话给她。
她又没上网的感觉。
今天终于打过去了哈哈。想聊的很多丫。
不过时间也有限呢。
说她在中六的东西，说我在学院的东西。
果然我们都很怀念以前大家一起的日子啊。:)
他们算是我最好的朋友之一。中学都是一起的。
如果现在也一起读书，那该有多好。。我也会有干劲一点点。唉。
依然是熟悉的感觉丫。:)
虽然很久没见面了。
以前陪我一起的，爸爸葬礼也来问候，让我感到温暖的朋友。:)
唉。我们都好像过得不是很好啊。
希望一直都保持联络丫。
本来要写好多的。灵感都飞走啦。=.=
有些朋友很久没见面依然那么熟悉，有些朋友就算近在咫尺也不一定投契。
缘分，真奇特。呵呵。
Saturday, August 24, 2013
只能望着窗外的天空
星期一又有两科考试了。还坐在这里真是有点不实际。
不想读书啊。
没有试过心情这么糟还要逼自己读书的。
越来越憔悴了。
身体也越来越差。我到底干了些什么。=.=
很想写小说。
很想去没有人认识的地方。
静静地生活就好。
当然都只是美好的想像，现实根本不可能。
而且会受不了一个人的生活吧。
不过在那儿应该也可以认识很多人。
第一次这么不想把书本拿起来，不想去学校。
以前中学时期至少会期待一下，跟朋友一起玩，一起开玩笑，然后幼稚地笑个不停。
虽然现在也是有啦，感觉不同了，要顾及很多事情。
以前认识的senior们也慢慢失去联系了。那时跟大家也没有建立好友谊。
本来就不擅长交际。
好啦。不想这么多了。
坚强，就算失去关心，失去勇气自由。
不想读书啊。
没有试过心情这么糟还要逼自己读书的。
越来越憔悴了。
身体也越来越差。我到底干了些什么。=.=
很想写小说。
很想去没有人认识的地方。
静静地生活就好。
当然都只是美好的想像，现实根本不可能。
而且会受不了一个人的生活吧。
不过在那儿应该也可以认识很多人。
第一次这么不想把书本拿起来，不想去学校。
以前中学时期至少会期待一下，跟朋友一起玩，一起开玩笑，然后幼稚地笑个不停。
虽然现在也是有啦，感觉不同了，要顾及很多事情。
以前认识的senior们也慢慢失去联系了。那时跟大家也没有建立好友谊。
本来就不擅长交际。
好啦。不想这么多了。
坚强，就算失去关心，失去勇气自由。
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Sigh
Don't know. I just want to write something.
Tomorrow's the first sem examination, quite important.
Really pressurised for maintaining the scholarship.
GP essays I'm really worried. I don't have much thoughts to write.
And my grammar is okay but not really good also.
Tomorrow have to think about 4 main points for one essay T T
Really long time didn't take serious examination already, very nervous.
I also hope not to care about everything and just study. But somehow......
I miss papa. I know it's not the right time to think about this.
But I really miss him. When I was taking exam in the past, he was the one who always accompany me or encourage me.
Now I don't know what to do......
Everything is just not right. Or it's just me who think too much?
I shouldn't think so much and just do what I can do and what I want to do?
But I care about everything...
And, there is nothing could make me feel happy. Why?
After had fun with friends, the feelings still down.
Life is meaningless now...
And, I need freedom...
And I need someone to talk...
I know my health become more worse and worse day by day...
I know I should take care of myself and become stronger and happier...
But how? It's so hard.
I have tried. I have tried to be optimism. Many times.
Okay, I will try to take care, but how about mentally.
How could I find something to divert my attention towards everything or motivate myself?
What should I do... papa...
It gets more harder and harder when growing up.
Maybe I should try again. Try to think positively.
Or don't care too much. Or just take everything easy.
Tomorrow's the first sem examination, quite important.
Really pressurised for maintaining the scholarship.
GP essays I'm really worried. I don't have much thoughts to write.
And my grammar is okay but not really good also.
Tomorrow have to think about 4 main points for one essay T T
Really long time didn't take serious examination already, very nervous.
I also hope not to care about everything and just study. But somehow......
I miss papa. I know it's not the right time to think about this.
But I really miss him. When I was taking exam in the past, he was the one who always accompany me or encourage me.
Now I don't know what to do......
Everything is just not right. Or it's just me who think too much?
I shouldn't think so much and just do what I can do and what I want to do?
But I care about everything...
And, there is nothing could make me feel happy. Why?
After had fun with friends, the feelings still down.
Life is meaningless now...
And, I need freedom...
And I need someone to talk...
I know my health become more worse and worse day by day...
I know I should take care of myself and become stronger and happier...
But how? It's so hard.
I have tried. I have tried to be optimism. Many times.
Okay, I will try to take care, but how about mentally.
How could I find something to divert my attention towards everything or motivate myself?
What should I do... papa...
It gets more harder and harder when growing up.
Maybe I should try again. Try to think positively.
Or don't care too much. Or just take everything easy.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Random
Thought I'm good enough to be strong.
Thought I could do well.
Thought everything could be well all the time.
But I'm wrong.
Could not use my perspective to see things and want how the things happen to me.
Yes. It's somehow complicated.
And tired.
Wanna cry, but still keep tears back in the eyes.
To prevent swollen eyes actually, lol.
I don't know, maybe nothing much in the world could motivate me, anymore.
Conclusion, old already.
Thought I could do well.
Thought everything could be well all the time.
But I'm wrong.
Could not use my perspective to see things and want how the things happen to me.
Yes. It's somehow complicated.
And tired.
Wanna cry, but still keep tears back in the eyes.
To prevent swollen eyes actually, lol.
I don't know, maybe nothing much in the world could motivate me, anymore.
Conclusion, old already.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Sunday, July 14, 2013
Dope?
Okayy I promise I will do my work later. :X
Let's dope ! Lol. Learnt from ttdancers. Haha.
Dope dope dope. :3
Just cooked a simple dinner.
Omelette, mushroom with bak choy and prawn with 菜豆.
Of course it's vegetarian.
Hmph satisfied.
But still, mood never gone up.
Feel like I'm retarded.
In everything.
Practise for piano exam, Waiting for replies, Managing mood myself, Talking, Doing.
Yeap. Right. I got the realization.
So whutttt, who ever caresss?
As long as I don't get psycho. Then it's enough. Lol. "really?"
Work out something?
But there must be something stopping me from going on. Fine.
Let's dope ! Lol. Learnt from ttdancers. Haha.
Dope dope dope. :3
Just cooked a simple dinner.
Omelette, mushroom with bak choy and prawn with 菜豆.
Of course it's vegetarian.
Hmph satisfied.
But still, mood never gone up.
Feel like I'm retarded.
In everything.
Practise for piano exam, Waiting for replies, Managing mood myself, Talking, Doing.
Yeap. Right. I got the realization.
So whutttt, who ever caresss?
As long as I don't get psycho. Then it's enough. Lol. "really?"
Work out something?
But there must be something stopping me from going on. Fine.
Saturday, July 13, 2013
最近
发生了很多事。
心里也生病了。
想一次过写完所有事情和想法。
但算了吧。一言难尽。
苦，也是要接受吗？
生活会给你丢来很多苦难的球，我们应该学习的不是逃避它，而是接受它。
不管遍体鳞伤，也要活得漂亮？
我也希望我能做到啊。
对生活失去那股干劲，感觉，就这样吧，颓废也没关系。
可是很不甘心放弃，也很不甘心被剥夺自由。
生活就是如此，我能干什么呢。
只能尽量让它不那么可悲？
惨了，我连那份改变的心力，也没有了。
心里也生病了。
想一次过写完所有事情和想法。
但算了吧。一言难尽。
苦，也是要接受吗？
生活会给你丢来很多苦难的球，我们应该学习的不是逃避它，而是接受它。
不管遍体鳞伤，也要活得漂亮？
我也希望我能做到啊。
对生活失去那股干劲，感觉，就这样吧，颓废也没关系。
可是很不甘心放弃，也很不甘心被剥夺自由。
生活就是如此，我能干什么呢。
只能尽量让它不那么可悲？
惨了，我连那份改变的心力，也没有了。
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
It's just life.
Lol the pointless two weeks holiday started.
I really don't like to stay at home though.
But I don't want to have class either.
I think I have list of things to do.
But I don't really have the heart to do it.
And I keep delay it.
except this week sunday I will go take undang exam. I can't procrastinate anymore.
Life not sad, but not happy either, for me.
Hope something could delight me up. although just a lil bit.
And please don't disturb my mind.
Really suffering in sleeping nowadays.
Not insomnia, but so tired even after sleep.
Positive energy, where are you?
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Become better !
Constantly being ignored hahaha.
Just used to it lol.
Though I don't like negative thingy.
So I really want to change my eyes and mind into positive mode !
Any negative comes, just neutralise it ! Lolll.
And, no nid try to make everyone likes yourself and don't care all the opinions towards you.
If ppl ignore, then I'm the one who take the action lorh.
This called positive !
I know when I am not fine, I don't have the ability to help others too, my family, my friends.
Somehow many things disturbing my mind my mood.
Seeing ppl unhappy, I'm also unhappy...especially mommy, and my friends.
I know I'm not good enough, and I'm trying to be better, to be grateful. Please give me a chance.
Papa please give me energy. :)
But, got one thing, my mommy.
After daddy left, I really don't know how to deal with her negative feelings and else...
Sighh...
Everything's happened with a reason.
And we have to take it no matter what.
If something bad happened, just look at it at another angle or turn it another way.
I know daddy wants me to live better. :) so he always advised me when he was still here.
Ahh, and he told me to read books when I'm alone. :) Yeahh.
I forgot many things, I know, and I'm pattern!
Lol. I will always try to be better and live my life better. :)
Though many things could upset me...
Thank you everyone who loved me, or even just talked to me, including my family. :)
Thought that I'm just too weak or maybe too greedy to face all the things in life, or too terrible. Trying to be positive and be good to ppl around me.. And Feel like many problems, but I can't solve it :( or maybe i didnt put effort to solve it. Sometimes just want to give up.
Btw, just know that a hug is really powerful.
But seriously wanna shout out, really hope someone could tell me,
Everything will be alright, everything's good, take care, and give a hugss.
And will do the same to ppl around me too.
Whatever, I know I'm pattern, hahaha.
Hope Xinnee's back. The new Xinnee.
Be the best of me, not be the better of me.
Moving on. Don't look back. Okayy :) I try to get it.
Hope it lasts long larh ! Lol.
And Should post up some happy moments also. :)
Just used to it lol.
Though I don't like negative thingy.
So I really want to change my eyes and mind into positive mode !
Any negative comes, just neutralise it ! Lolll.
And, no nid try to make everyone likes yourself and don't care all the opinions towards you.
If ppl ignore, then I'm the one who take the action lorh.
This called positive !
I know when I am not fine, I don't have the ability to help others too, my family, my friends.
Somehow many things disturbing my mind my mood.
Seeing ppl unhappy, I'm also unhappy...especially mommy, and my friends.
I know I'm not good enough, and I'm trying to be better, to be grateful. Please give me a chance.
Papa please give me energy. :)
But, got one thing, my mommy.
After daddy left, I really don't know how to deal with her negative feelings and else...
Sighh...
Everything's happened with a reason.
And we have to take it no matter what.
If something bad happened, just look at it at another angle or turn it another way.
I know daddy wants me to live better. :) so he always advised me when he was still here.
Ahh, and he told me to read books when I'm alone. :) Yeahh.
I forgot many things, I know, and I'm pattern!
Lol. I will always try to be better and live my life better. :)
Though many things could upset me...
Thank you everyone who loved me, or even just talked to me, including my family. :)
Thought that I'm just too weak or maybe too greedy to face all the things in life, or too terrible. Trying to be positive and be good to ppl around me.. And Feel like many problems, but I can't solve it :( or maybe i didnt put effort to solve it. Sometimes just want to give up.
Btw, just know that a hug is really powerful.
But seriously wanna shout out, really hope someone could tell me,
Everything will be alright, everything's good, take care, and give a hugss.
And will do the same to ppl around me too.
Whatever, I know I'm pattern, hahaha.
Hope Xinnee's back. The new Xinnee.
Be the best of me, not be the better of me.
Moving on. Don't look back. Okayy :) I try to get it.
Hope it lasts long larh ! Lol.
And Should post up some happy moments also. :)
Saturday, June 8, 2013
只要还活着
这几天一直都睡不好。想很多。。
不懂为什么。。唉。也很压力。
当中也有想到爸爸。:) 想到就想哭。
最记得他一句话，就是天塌下来当背盖。
这句话很好，所以我也一直记住这句话。
他也说过，我很自私，不会关心周围。。
是啊。一直以来，只关心自己。。所以现在想多多关心别人。
家人，朋友。可是连自己的烦恼都这么多，唉。
发现，没有人会说，我很开心可以关心到别人，而是说很开心有几个人关心我。
也许每个人都很寂寞。
也才发现，我好懦弱。很怕对别人做错事情。也好羡慕不感觉寂寞的人。。
知道。。不要分别一些东西是好与坏，不过也要学习别人的好的。
不管怎样，爸爸，我会加油的！咬着牙也要撑过去。只要我还活着。
话不能说那么大。可是不能尽力，而是要做到。
曾经有寻死的念头，但是我不会这么傻。也不会对不起你。
希望不是努力地维持生命，而是积极的活着。
不懂为什么。。唉。也很压力。
当中也有想到爸爸。:) 想到就想哭。
最记得他一句话，就是天塌下来当背盖。
这句话很好，所以我也一直记住这句话。
他也说过，我很自私，不会关心周围。。
是啊。一直以来，只关心自己。。所以现在想多多关心别人。
家人，朋友。可是连自己的烦恼都这么多，唉。
发现，没有人会说，我很开心可以关心到别人，而是说很开心有几个人关心我。
也许每个人都很寂寞。
也才发现，我好懦弱。很怕对别人做错事情。也好羡慕不感觉寂寞的人。。
知道。。不要分别一些东西是好与坏，不过也要学习别人的好的。
不管怎样，爸爸，我会加油的！咬着牙也要撑过去。只要我还活着。
话不能说那么大。可是不能尽力，而是要做到。
曾经有寻死的念头，但是我不会这么傻。也不会对不起你。
希望不是努力地维持生命，而是积极的活着。
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Yo :)
Hehheh :)
Busy life ! Everyday more than 15hours stayed in the college lol.
Although I have enjoyed the talentimenight section at night.
It's kinda happy and also sad, that next week is our performance already.
I will miss every moments in these 3 weeks.
And tried really hard to involve in everything, everyone.
In college, feel like I'm a different person lol. It's my trueself anyway.
Love you all. <3 NI9HTALIVE and TTnight mates. :) YEAHHHHH.
And, Happy Birthday, Daddy....
Busy life ! Everyday more than 15hours stayed in the college lol.
Although I have enjoyed the talentimenight section at night.
It's kinda happy and also sad, that next week is our performance already.
I will miss every moments in these 3 weeks.
And tried really hard to involve in everything, everyone.
In college, feel like I'm a different person lol. It's my trueself anyway.
Love you all. <3 NI9HTALIVE and TTnight mates. :) YEAHHHHH.
And, Happy Birthday, Daddy....
Sunday, May 12, 2013
One week had gone
Wow, one week just went off. And there're many more to go.
Every weekdays have to go to school early and go back late.
So exhausted.
But somehow, I'm really not regretting of attending TalentimeNight although my timetable is so full. Every night have to stay there to practise.
When I play music or else in that event, I enjoy.
Don't feel like study after that hahaa.
The bandmates are also love music and quite friendly. Erm quite. Haha.
But still need some time to get involved more maybe.
Not only bandmates, also the talentime-mates, and my classmates. Lol.
Really hope my stress will fade out and healthy always.
And everything will be alright.
And hope 29th of May will be awesome ! NI9HTALIVE Rocksss !
Every weekdays have to go to school early and go back late.
So exhausted.
But somehow, I'm really not regretting of attending TalentimeNight although my timetable is so full. Every night have to stay there to practise.
When I play music or else in that event, I enjoy.
Don't feel like study after that hahaa.
The bandmates are also love music and quite friendly. Erm quite. Haha.
But still need some time to get involved more maybe.
Not only bandmates, also the talentime-mates, and my classmates. Lol.
Really hope my stress will fade out and healthy always.
And everything will be alright.
And hope 29th of May will be awesome ! NI9HTALIVE Rocksss !
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Depression
Very sad and confused. and stressful.
Although depression won't change anything, but I just can't control it.
Hope everything will be alright...
Although depression won't change anything, but I just can't control it.
Hope everything will be alright...
Thursday, May 2, 2013
我真的在想。
活下去，有什么意义。
想了想，我现在活下去也只是因为生命还没结束，还有为了不让家人伤心而活。
活下去也只是一种责任。
我要什么生活，我的人生要做什么。
以前想过很多想做的事，现在真的提不起劲来。
要自己站起来，真的很痛苦，要坚强，真的很痛苦。
这叫坚强么？我也不知道。
一个人独自想着很多事情，伤心着，我也不知道为什么我会这样。
对自己好一点？我没有机会。
我不能只做自己喜欢做的事，不能只关心自己，不能只想着自己。
是啊，不断地妥协。
爸，你留下了这么多问题给我。
我要怎么接啊。。
真的很想念你。为什么。。
我也不想跟自己过不去。
选好自己的路，为了什么。
站在人生的十字路口，已经失去了目标。
而笑，现在只是一种表情。
活下去，有什么意义。
想了想，我现在活下去也只是因为生命还没结束，还有为了不让家人伤心而活。
活下去也只是一种责任。
我要什么生活，我的人生要做什么。
以前想过很多想做的事，现在真的提不起劲来。
要自己站起来，真的很痛苦，要坚强，真的很痛苦。
这叫坚强么？我也不知道。
一个人独自想着很多事情，伤心着，我也不知道为什么我会这样。
对自己好一点？我没有机会。
我不能只做自己喜欢做的事，不能只关心自己，不能只想着自己。
是啊，不断地妥协。
爸，你留下了这么多问题给我。
我要怎么接啊。。
真的很想念你。为什么。。
我也不想跟自己过不去。
选好自己的路，为了什么。
站在人生的十字路口，已经失去了目标。
而笑，现在只是一种表情。
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sigh.
Oh god. I'm just stressful of everything.
The college, family, social.
Am I choosing the wrong way?
Or I'm thinking the wrong way.
I'm eager to change myself.
Don't know. Maybe everything will be different after the school starts.
Pls, think positively.
The college, family, social.
Am I choosing the wrong way?
Or I'm thinking the wrong way.
I'm eager to change myself.
Don't know. Maybe everything will be different after the school starts.
Pls, think positively.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Omg tmr
Uhh. Omg. Tomorrow's orientation.
Hope it's feel good in the college. T________T
I'm nervous and worried.
Gonna prepare some funny photos to laugh there? lol.
Hope it's feel good in the college. T________T
I'm nervous and worried.
Gonna prepare some funny photos to laugh there? lol.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Mixed
Depressed.
Worried.
Nervous.
Happy.
Glad.
All mixed.
Whataya want from me.
I'm exhausted.
But I won't choose to yield.
Thank you, for me to be stronger, and sad-er.
Recently, the dream is so weird lol.
One of them was, I saw all my friends and my seniors and teachers.
And I was crying in the whole dream.
Feel very very depressed.
It's not good to wake up after such a dream.
Although I should be happy seeing all of them. But it's not real what.
Yesterday, birthday surprise for my bii Shaly is totally successful ! :)
And finally we four gather again :') I will miss you all very much.
Happy birthday to you <3 wish your dream and wishes come true ! X))
And I got a new laptop today ! :D
Dell, using windows 8.
Appreciate it T v T although a bit troublesome.
Anyway, I will just continue my journey.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Tough to me, but with loves I think I will be alright. Hope so. :)
Worried.
Nervous.
Happy.
Glad.
All mixed.
Whataya want from me.
I'm exhausted.
But I won't choose to yield.
Thank you, for me to be stronger, and sad-er.
Recently, the dream is so weird lol.
One of them was, I saw all my friends and my seniors and teachers.
And I was crying in the whole dream.
Feel very very depressed.
It's not good to wake up after such a dream.
Although I should be happy seeing all of them. But it's not real what.
Yesterday, birthday surprise for my bii Shaly is totally successful ! :)
And finally we four gather again :') I will miss you all very much.
Happy birthday to you <3 wish your dream and wishes come true ! X))
And I got a new laptop today ! :D
Dell, using windows 8.
Appreciate it T v T although a bit troublesome.
Anyway, I will just continue my journey.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Tough to me, but with loves I think I will be alright. Hope so. :)
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
今天一记
果然，心情好看什么都是光亮的。
今天有点up。:) 心情起伏很大厚。=.=
天气凉凉的关系？还是练琴最久的关系？哈哈。
希望一直持续下去。
想完成事情。
想让自己的生活更丰富充实一点。
还有，hope to live my life with missions and aspirations. And confidence. :)
不会翻译，哈哈。
可能开学了就好多了吧？
明天就是决定性的一天了。XD 加油！
人生要有个寄托和动力。
佛法是我的寄托和启发，韩国综艺、戏、偶像和家人朋友都是我的动力。:)
最主要还是综艺节目哈哈XD
还有，有兴趣和热忱是很好的事情。
像我哥哥，他最近对脚踏车很有兴趣和热情呢。@@
做自己喜欢做的事情是很开心的。X)
我也要找出我的兴趣。音乐、运动、食物、等等。:9
做家务，读书，看戏，练琴，所有所有。
天气凉的话肯定很乐意做的XD
哈哈。
有点害怕。可是最重要还是活在当下，还有感恩吧。
凡事尽力就好。:) 很多事都不尽人意。
一切随缘吧。
看得开的话，每个人的心都是自在的啦。
人嘛，让自己开心吧。
加油！
(>_<)/
今天有点up。:) 心情起伏很大厚。=.=
天气凉凉的关系？还是练琴最久的关系？哈哈。
希望一直持续下去。
想完成事情。
想让自己的生活更丰富充实一点。
还有，hope to live my life with missions and aspirations. And confidence. :)
不会翻译，哈哈。
可能开学了就好多了吧？
明天就是决定性的一天了。XD 加油！
人生要有个寄托和动力。
佛法是我的寄托和启发，韩国综艺、戏、偶像和家人朋友都是我的动力。:)
最主要还是综艺节目哈哈XD
还有，有兴趣和热忱是很好的事情。
像我哥哥，他最近对脚踏车很有兴趣和热情呢。@@
做自己喜欢做的事情是很开心的。X)
我也要找出我的兴趣。音乐、运动、食物、等等。:9
做家务，读书，看戏，练琴，所有所有。
天气凉的话肯定很乐意做的XD
哈哈。
有点害怕。可是最重要还是活在当下，还有感恩吧。
凡事尽力就好。:) 很多事都不尽人意。
一切随缘吧。
看得开的话，每个人的心都是自在的啦。
人嘛，让自己开心吧。
加油！
(>_<)/
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Fire
Guess what, I slept at 6am in the morning lol. -.-
Feel so unsafe. Hehe,
Tonight have to sleep earlier. Maybe?
Lol.
As you said my things are not related to you. Fine.
Your things are not related to me, as well.
And you don't know me at all.
I wouldn't ask for your help if I have the ability to do.
But now, even I'm helpless, won't even ask you a bit.
Feel so unsafe. Hehe,
Tonight have to sleep earlier. Maybe?
Lol.
As you said my things are not related to you. Fine.
Your things are not related to me, as well.
And you don't know me at all.
I wouldn't ask for your help if I have the ability to do.
But now, even I'm helpless, won't even ask you a bit.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Muscle
First time muscle pain until the arm will be painful when straighten my arms.
"little mouse" in my arms now hahahah XD
I thought I didn't use too much energy yesterday?
:3 Huhu
Just hope my arms and legs will be more stronger, but not become too "thick" larh lol.
"little mouse" in my arms now hahahah XD
I thought I didn't use too much energy yesterday?
:3 Huhu
Just hope my arms and legs will be more stronger, but not become too "thick" larh lol.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Im so sorry but I love you dagajimaa
Before he passed away, I still can find him whenever I want in those events.
Now, I could only walk around without a targetted spot.
He was like a harbor. Made me feel safe. And now I have to find my place myself.
Lol. Failed to cut out emo from my brain ahha.
Now, I could only walk around without a targetted spot.
He was like a harbor. Made me feel safe. And now I have to find my place myself.
Lol. Failed to cut out emo from my brain ahha.
Wake up early - Event !
Woohoo. tired !
My hands are hardly able to lift now lol.
Today morning woke up at 6am and went to smjk (c) yu chai.
(The campus is just so big and functional lol. Have mini fountain somemore. )
To help out in the event, Go Go Green !
I was in secretary group.
Felt fresh in the morning although a bit tired.
In the morning, we welcomed the people and helped them to make registration for doing the thousand people aerobic dance and getting a T-shirt and handkerchief.
We screamed for promoting lol and joked around haha.
The sun was shining straight towards us and finally we can get into the hall when the aerobic dance started.
Actually dance for two songs only and kept playing with a huge ball called "Earth".
I have no chance to even touch the ball /-\
The emcee in the hall syok sendiri hahaha.
After that we did jobs like giving booklets, stamps for the station point, giving out gifts, chatting and sitting there leisurely, and sometimes watch performance in the hall and eat and walk around. XD
12pm we danced in front of the canteen and the crowd didn't give any reaction as if we were weirdy. =_____= so cold la.
When coming to the end of the event, we spent all our coupons, we became busy in packaging the gifts and gave to other volunteers, tidy up, carried and arranged the primary students' desks (have to arrange them according to numbers example: 1/8 =.= mental and physical exertion.)
It's a nice day. :)
Able to work with groups of friends, serve and give service to the people. And Including hearing thank you from an adorable polite little boy X) hahaa.
Have to be grateful ady. Lol.
sometimes not eloquent enough. Just have to be brave and free. Take a step infront first. Open your heart. And be free from burden after the event ended, just put down everything.
Situations never be so terrible as we thought. :)
And it's meaningful to become a volunteer. Although tired. :X
Hope can be like that too in the next event ! And getting better. Hmph. Really hope so...
But somehow, a bit fish. Lol.
My hands are hardly able to lift now lol.
Today morning woke up at 6am and went to smjk (c) yu chai.
(The campus is just so big and functional lol. Have mini fountain somemore. )
To help out in the event, Go Go Green !
I was in secretary group.
Felt fresh in the morning although a bit tired.
In the morning, we welcomed the people and helped them to make registration for doing the thousand people aerobic dance and getting a T-shirt and handkerchief.
We screamed for promoting lol and joked around haha.
The sun was shining straight towards us and finally we can get into the hall when the aerobic dance started.
Actually dance for two songs only and kept playing with a huge ball called "Earth".
I have no chance to even touch the ball /-\
The emcee in the hall syok sendiri hahaha.
After that we did jobs like giving booklets, stamps for the station point, giving out gifts, chatting and sitting there leisurely, and sometimes watch performance in the hall and eat and walk around. XD
12pm we danced in front of the canteen and the crowd didn't give any reaction as if we were weirdy. =_____= so cold la.
When coming to the end of the event, we spent all our coupons, we became busy in packaging the gifts and gave to other volunteers, tidy up, carried and arranged the primary students' desks (have to arrange them according to numbers example: 1/8 =.= mental and physical exertion.)
It's a nice day. :)
Able to work with groups of friends, serve and give service to the people. And Including hearing thank you from an adorable polite little boy X) hahaa.
Have to be grateful ady. Lol.
sometimes not eloquent enough. Just have to be brave and free. Take a step infront first. Open your heart. And be free from burden after the event ended, just put down everything.
Situations never be so terrible as we thought. :)
And it's meaningful to become a volunteer. Although tired. :X
Hope can be like that too in the next event ! And getting better. Hmph. Really hope so...
But somehow, a bit fish. Lol.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Books shopping and nice foods :3
Hahaha. Today went to leisure mall for spending the RM200 voucher for books.
Although a bit uneasy, but still did some reading in the bookshop.
Read books about positive thingy lol.
Like, your mind attracts things. Example, you think positively, positive things that you want would be attracted to you lol.
And whatever things which is so positive larh.
Think positive ! :3 and live your life happily.
Don't label anything with good and bad. (except those things who are really bad lar)
And something like when you are facing the crowd or socializing, have to make your mind overcome the stress and fear automatically.
Do something you like the most.
Just, positive larh. /-\ hahaa.
Bought one of my favourite author, Wan Wan's new published comic book. And 高木直子's comic, Nick vujicic's book and an inspiring book lol.
(I realized my passion towards books has decreased. Or it's just me who feel tired? T - T)
I want to buy more books, one of them is the mediterranean cookbook, but can't, next time then ! :3
Well, Brother bought some comics, classic guitar tutorial book and others.
Mommy bought some books about health and food.
After that, we went to eat korean dinner ! :9
Which I was cravings for and waiting for so long time.
Bibimpap for me and my mom, jji gae for my brother.
I like kimchi and jii gae :9 yumm.
Next time hope to go to the korean restaurant which is located opposite ampang point there.
Or I can try to cook myself at home? XD but make kimchi and gochujang is a problem. XD
Btw, I think my ipad began to have some problems. :S
Hope it is the ipad's own problem @_______@
So that's my day ! Have a nice day. ;)
Hope everyday is a nice day !
Although a bit uneasy, but still did some reading in the bookshop.
Read books about positive thingy lol.
Like, your mind attracts things. Example, you think positively, positive things that you want would be attracted to you lol.
And whatever things which is so positive larh.
Think positive ! :3 and live your life happily.
Don't label anything with good and bad. (except those things who are really bad lar)
And something like when you are facing the crowd or socializing, have to make your mind overcome the stress and fear automatically.
Do something you like the most.
Just, positive larh. /-\ hahaa.
Bought one of my favourite author, Wan Wan's new published comic book. And 高木直子's comic, Nick vujicic's book and an inspiring book lol.
(I realized my passion towards books has decreased. Or it's just me who feel tired? T - T)
I want to buy more books, one of them is the mediterranean cookbook, but can't, next time then ! :3
Well, Brother bought some comics, classic guitar tutorial book and others.
Mommy bought some books about health and food.
After that, we went to eat korean dinner ! :9
Which I was cravings for and waiting for so long time.
Bibimpap for me and my mom, jji gae for my brother.
I like kimchi and jii gae :9 yumm.
Next time hope to go to the korean restaurant which is located opposite ampang point there.
Or I can try to cook myself at home? XD but make kimchi and gochujang is a problem. XD
Btw, I think my ipad began to have some problems. :S
Hope it is the ipad's own problem @_______@
So that's my day ! Have a nice day. ;)
Hope everyday is a nice day !
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
:')
I miss my daddy so much. :')
Today (12am ady) is the 100th day he left us.
I have to wake up earlier than usual to offer a sacrifices to him.
Regret of didn't take many photos with him.
I focussed on my things too much during these years..
I won't left out any things about him after he left.
Including his message drafts in his phone, every photos with him, his likes in facebook, his words, and the memories with him during these 17years and 7 days.
Wow, the memory is powerful that when it comes up to my mind, tears drop immediately, lol.
I would like to note down our memories, cause I'm scared that I would forget in the future..
He taught me to memorise and recite 论语，大学，唐诗, and I forgot everything ady now lol.
Since I started studying in kindergarten, he brought me to school everyday.
He was a teacher in morning session so he hugged me who was still sleeping into the car.
He accompanied me to do homework and study until late in the night. And answered my questions.
I followed him to the school..
And also to the stage and gave him flowers (or accepted flowers from other ppl lol not sure) during his retirement ceremony.
He fetched us everywhere. Travelling, eating, shopping...
So regret, on didn't concern and do much things for him, seeing him so suffered in last few years until he passed away, even ignored and feel not pleasant of his action sometimes.
(So I also don't know how to do with my mom.. She is the only one who love me the most beside papa even sometimes not in the right way lol. )
His voice, his everything, just became past and memories.
I was so rely on him. Maybe it's not a good thing.
And now I have to rely on myself.
Keep him deep in my heart forever and ever.
Today (12am ady) is the 100th day he left us.
I have to wake up earlier than usual to offer a sacrifices to him.
Regret of didn't take many photos with him.
I focussed on my things too much during these years..
I won't left out any things about him after he left.
Including his message drafts in his phone, every photos with him, his likes in facebook, his words, and the memories with him during these 17years and 7 days.
Wow, the memory is powerful that when it comes up to my mind, tears drop immediately, lol.
I would like to note down our memories, cause I'm scared that I would forget in the future..
He taught me to memorise and recite 论语，大学，唐诗, and I forgot everything ady now lol.
Since I started studying in kindergarten, he brought me to school everyday.
He was a teacher in morning session so he hugged me who was still sleeping into the car.
He accompanied me to do homework and study until late in the night. And answered my questions.
I followed him to the school..
And also to the stage and gave him flowers (or accepted flowers from other ppl lol not sure) during his retirement ceremony.
He fetched us everywhere. Travelling, eating, shopping...
So regret, on didn't concern and do much things for him, seeing him so suffered in last few years until he passed away, even ignored and feel not pleasant of his action sometimes.
(So I also don't know how to do with my mom.. She is the only one who love me the most beside papa even sometimes not in the right way lol. )
His voice, his everything, just became past and memories.
I was so rely on him. Maybe it's not a good thing.
And now I have to rely on myself.
Keep him deep in my heart forever and ever.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Positive?
Hmph, let's stop something negative, and think something positive?
There's nothing perfect in this world.And we don't have to pleasure everyone in this world.(But I don't want to have enemy though.) We don't have to make friends with everyone in this world.People have different personalities.
And some people can't match and some can. (what is this english =-=)
I believe in fate.
I know. Yeah. Be a cool person. :)(but still upset hahaha.)
And accept that I am not sociable. Don't ask me that did i thk that i am sociable before /-\
But I am friendly :目 say hi to me. LOL.
Nothing's easy in this world ! Begin to accept challenges. I can change, at least I want to. Anyway, I have opened a new blog lol. pink rose X)
And I want to change this blog name. Change to a sweet one :3 or tasty one. Lol.
Or a meaningful one.
And I would try not to write something only about myself.
Maybe anything about me. And I think after school starts I would have lot of things to write.
But will be busy /-\ and having two blogs.
Found nice quotes!
From my best friend's idol, Albert Einstein. :)
There's nothing perfect in this world.And we don't have to pleasure everyone in this world.(But I don't want to have enemy though.) We don't have to make friends with everyone in this world.People have different personalities.
And some people can't match and some can. (what is this english =-=)
I believe in fate.
I know. Yeah. Be a cool person. :)(but still upset hahaha.)
And accept that I am not sociable. Don't ask me that did i thk that i am sociable before /-\
But I am friendly :目 say hi to me. LOL.
Nothing's easy in this world ! Begin to accept challenges. I can change, at least I want to. Anyway, I have opened a new blog lol. pink rose X)
And I want to change this blog name. Change to a sweet one :3 or tasty one. Lol.
Or a meaningful one.
And I would try not to write something only about myself.
Maybe anything about me. And I think after school starts I would have lot of things to write.
But will be busy /-\ and having two blogs.
Found nice quotes!
From my best friend's idol, Albert Einstein. :)
Just, get bored
Just get bored with life and people.
I don't know it's me or what, everything's not going smoothly.
People, Things, My mind, Matters, And else.
And I just can't bear with this life.
People who had fun together long time ago, now can't even say "Hi" to each other.
Is it my problem? Am I being hated by most of the people around me?
People would not know they could make someone be upset because of their unintentional action.
Don't know what to do. Maybe we are just being shy. Lol.
but why to me?
Maybe I should just forget and take no notice of it and appreciate what I have now.
I just cannot be reconciled and always think negatively. Like purposely making myself down? Lol.
People always care their own feelings and things.
Yea I am not excluded in them.
But somehow people didn't realize this phenomenon.
I wonder why people could ignore or hate someone so easily. So I don't really like to ignore people except they are really too annoying.
and being sooo careful when meeting people. maybe that's the point lol.
Maybe I should just, "if you don't like me just get out of my way. " lol. So cool.
Family. I just don't want to say it out here.
Every family has happy moments and also problems.
Get bored with just being at home,
get bored with hating myself,
get bored with being indifferent and ordinary,
get bored with just stay quiet in the crowd,
get bored with being timid with people,
get bored with this real world,
get bored with being ignored,
get bored with dealing with people,
get bored with upset because of other people,
get bored with entry and exit of people in my life,
get bored with caring others' opinions about me,
get bored to be good and positive,
get bored to achieve anything, get bored, get bored, get bored.
(Sorry if you are getting bored with me lol.)
But, what to do, I was born to this world. I have to live. And I can't control everything in my life.
Sad case.
Maybe I was thinking too negatively? lol Maybe I should take a rest.
WATCHING VARIETY SHOWS AND ELSE ARE THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS EVERRRRRRR! ♥
I don't know it's me or what, everything's not going smoothly.
People, Things, My mind, Matters, And else.
And I just can't bear with this life.
People who had fun together long time ago, now can't even say "Hi" to each other.
Is it my problem? Am I being hated by most of the people around me?
People would not know they could make someone be upset because of their unintentional action.
Don't know what to do. Maybe we are just being shy. Lol.
but why to me?
Maybe I should just forget and take no notice of it and appreciate what I have now.
I just cannot be reconciled and always think negatively. Like purposely making myself down? Lol.
People always care their own feelings and things.
Yea I am not excluded in them.
But somehow people didn't realize this phenomenon.
I wonder why people could ignore or hate someone so easily. So I don't really like to ignore people except they are really too annoying.
and being sooo careful when meeting people. maybe that's the point lol.
Maybe I should just, "if you don't like me just get out of my way. " lol. So cool.
Family. I just don't want to say it out here.
Every family has happy moments and also problems.
Get bored with just being at home,
get bored with hating myself,
get bored with being indifferent and ordinary,
get bored with just stay quiet in the crowd,
get bored with being timid with people,
get bored with this real world,
get bored with being ignored,
get bored with dealing with people,
get bored with upset because of other people,
get bored with entry and exit of people in my life,
get bored with caring others' opinions about me,
get bored to be good and positive,
get bored to achieve anything, get bored, get bored, get bored.
(Sorry if you are getting bored with me lol.)
But, what to do, I was born to this world. I have to live. And I can't control everything in my life.
Sad case.
Maybe I was thinking too negatively? lol Maybe I should take a rest.
WATCHING VARIETY SHOWS AND ELSE ARE THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS EVERRRRRRR! ♥
Friday, April 12, 2013
Recent life, is a LOL
Hi there.:) Lol I realised that I have not been writing english post for a long time.
Recently, so many negative post in my blog.
I'm just too honest to express out my real feelings haha.
Guess what, I have just woke up.
Never eat anything, never change and wash, just sitting here facing ipad. (need a laptop seriously T-T)
This routine repeats everyday. /-\ not healthy right, i know, will change, but don't know when.
Lately, keep finding job with Elaina. Everyone needs money!
And last time the job offered in Midvalley asked us to go to interview immediately at night lol.
Ridiculously, we went to Midvalley. By LRT and Commuter.
This is the first interview in my life!
It was just terrible. I stammered and keep repeating the same thing, lol.
The interviewers sat there like a boss and looked at us with lc expression, in a cafe. =-=
I was too nervous. And one thing that is I don't really want to do this job because the jobplace is too far, that I wanted to tell that person straighforwardly.
But it's just too impolite or weird right, spent 1 hour to go there and tell the person "I don't want to work for you!" hahaha.
Anyway, as expected, I failed. Heehee.
Bad experience. Next time, must be prepared and go.
(but I don't think I can prepare anything though, presentation? =____=)
Happily ! My spm result made me earn some money, from some society.
Feel glad that I could earn money using that result, lol. O-O
Btw, everyone's just paying attention to their own things.
K fine, I just do so too.
I have lot of things to concern about, lots of things to do, lots of things to face.
Know it's tough. But no way to hide from it.
What to say? Life is tough, but you have to enjoy it. (?)
What makes me feel tough is all about making choices and accept the truth.
Struggled between alevel and stpm. =-=
Save some money and take a risk? Or just ptptn in the future. But even ptptn is not enough to pay that money in private university.
No ideaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Gone crazyyyyyy.
Why I didn't save money for my education. SOB SOB T-T
Btw, tarc already offered me to alevel. Don't know larh. My mom told me just go for alevel as I have been offered.
Anyway, just stop here, or my stomach would be sick.
Buhbyeee. :) Have a nice day.
FREEDOM needed! T___________________T
Recently, so many negative post in my blog.
I'm just too honest to express out my real feelings haha.
Guess what, I have just woke up.
Never eat anything, never change and wash, just sitting here facing ipad. (need a laptop seriously T-T)
This routine repeats everyday. /-\ not healthy right, i know, will change, but don't know when.
Lately, keep finding job with Elaina. Everyone needs money!
And last time the job offered in Midvalley asked us to go to interview immediately at night lol.
Ridiculously, we went to Midvalley. By LRT and Commuter.
This is the first interview in my life!
It was just terrible. I stammered and keep repeating the same thing, lol.
The interviewers sat there like a boss and looked at us with lc expression, in a cafe. =-=
I was too nervous. And one thing that is I don't really want to do this job because the jobplace is too far, that I wanted to tell that person straighforwardly.
But it's just too impolite or weird right, spent 1 hour to go there and tell the person "I don't want to work for you!" hahaha.
Anyway, as expected, I failed. Heehee.
Bad experience. Next time, must be prepared and go.
(but I don't think I can prepare anything though, presentation? =____=)
Happily ! My spm result made me earn some money, from some society.
Feel glad that I could earn money using that result, lol. O-O
Btw, everyone's just paying attention to their own things.
K fine, I just do so too.
I have lot of things to concern about, lots of things to do, lots of things to face.
Know it's tough. But no way to hide from it.
What to say? Life is tough, but you have to enjoy it. (?)
What makes me feel tough is all about making choices and accept the truth.
Struggled between alevel and stpm. =-=
Save some money and take a risk? Or just ptptn in the future. But even ptptn is not enough to pay that money in private university.
No ideaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Gone crazyyyyyy.
Why I didn't save money for my education. SOB SOB T-T
Btw, tarc already offered me to alevel. Don't know larh. My mom told me just go for alevel as I have been offered.
Anyway, just stop here, or my stomach would be sick.
Buhbyeee. :) Have a nice day.
FREEDOM needed! T___________________T
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
不能勉强
忘记了感恩，忘记了世界上没有完美这两个字，忘记了关心人，忘记了坚强，忘记了我们都需要关心，忘记了是自己在控制自己的情绪和人生，忘记了自信。
忘记了好多事情。:)
我很脆弱，很容易寂寞，很容易讨厌自己，渴望别人的关心。
很希望在别人面前好好哭一场，被人安慰，而不是一个人躲在自己房间哭。
可是我知道要靠自己，不想麻烦人，也不想把自己的负面显现出来，想让人觉得我是个富有正面能量的人。
所以也不断否定自己，渐渐失去了自信。
我知道，我要正面一点。
我不想勉强自己开心起来，也不勉强别人来了解体谅我的心情。
只有努力吧。
该珍惜的好好珍惜，不该的就忘掉，对自己好一点，接受自己。
也不想把自己逼到角落。不过，就是不知道该怎么办。。
觉得这个世界很现实。
而且全部人包括我自己也是只在意自己的感受，在意自己的事情。很不健康啊。。
不过能怎样，只能接受，因为我们活在这样的世界。
Monday, April 1, 2013
正在，走着，过去。
我知道，我知道要开心一点。
我知道要想好的方面。
我知道要积极。
我知道要坚强。
并且我也在努力当中。
我希望变得更成熟。
我希望变得更好，希望变得自己能接受的自己。
一切都需要时间。
等伤感慢慢淡去沉淀在内心，
等心变得更强大，
等自己能把自己撑住。
要接受现实，享受人生，
不管遇到什么，只有自己的乐观可以救到自己。
一切都靠自己选择。
有时身不由己，但是日子只能这样过下去。
没有人阻止得了你伤心或开心的生活，只有自己能决定自己的方向。
现在很寂寞，很需要人关心，但是不想打扰别人，包括所有人。但是有时还是忍不住找人哈哈。
有时我们会埋怨，有时我们会寂寞，有时我们会痛苦，有时我们会悲观，有时我们一瞬间会变乐观，
当然有时会快乐，
都是外面发生的每一件事情影响自己的内心。
人要找方法发泄自己。我还没找到自己能发泄的管道，只有哭完好像会舒服那么一点点。
总之，生活还是这样过下去。
我不会选择放弃，
我知道坚持和撑住是不容易的事情。
但是，这是个过程。
就让一切顺其自然吧。。。
也许要学习一个不为自己的人吧。:) 因为所有人包括自己都只在照顾自己的情绪，所以每个人都好寂寞。。如果每个人都关心每个人，不就好了吗？还是我太天真？
真心希望，一切都会变好。
也希望，不会失去笑容。
想做个乐观的人。:)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
无题的生活。
觉得已经很坚强，能忍受到现在。
以后还有很多个日子要过，我知道，我还是会好好做着我该做的事，想做的事，生活下去。
不过，请不要跟我们说不要悲伤，我们一定办不到。
只能说，我们只能继续生活，继续尽量让悲痛隐藏，然后就这样活下去咯。
只有我们看到我们面对的是什么，所以也不愿让别人担心。
可是矛盾的是，自己承受又觉得太沉重。
唉。表面风光，里面寂寞。表面无损，里面裂痕。
不明白我在说什么吧？哈哈。还是觉得我太悲观了？
你们来经历一次看看/-\ 开玩笑开玩笑。
也许丧亲的人不需要安慰，更需要倾听理解与陪伴。
很多事情和问题也解释不清楚，真希望这一切只是一场梦。
梦醒了，一切就回归原位。
也希望可以时光倒流，把他救回来。
不过知道一切不可能，也需要接受。
知道了知道了。/______\
话说，拿了成绩也是一个烦，还要选科系选学校。
还要烦学费，世界真是现实TT
我们的人生现在才正式开始。
唷！要好好干唷！T____T 为什么是哭像哈哈
啊啊啊啊啊，为寂寞的人生干杯吧！
什么东西=-=
可能等欢乐的时刻再来记录下吧。白白
以后还有很多个日子要过，我知道，我还是会好好做着我该做的事，想做的事，生活下去。
不过，请不要跟我们说不要悲伤，我们一定办不到。
只能说，我们只能继续生活，继续尽量让悲痛隐藏，然后就这样活下去咯。
只有我们看到我们面对的是什么，所以也不愿让别人担心。
可是矛盾的是，自己承受又觉得太沉重。
唉。表面风光，里面寂寞。表面无损，里面裂痕。
不明白我在说什么吧？哈哈。还是觉得我太悲观了？
你们来经历一次看看/-\ 开玩笑开玩笑。
也许丧亲的人不需要安慰，更需要倾听理解与陪伴。
很多事情和问题也解释不清楚，真希望这一切只是一场梦。
梦醒了，一切就回归原位。
也希望可以时光倒流，把他救回来。
不过知道一切不可能，也需要接受。
知道了知道了。/______\
话说，拿了成绩也是一个烦，还要选科系选学校。
还要烦学费，世界真是现实TT
我们的人生现在才正式开始。
唷！要好好干唷！T____T 为什么是哭像哈哈
啊啊啊啊啊，为寂寞的人生干杯吧！
什么东西=-=
可能等欢乐的时刻再来记录下吧。白白
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Saturday, March 2, 2013
有决心就有努力.吧? ♥
♪( ´▽｀) 大家好. 话说ipad的表情符号真的好可爱呢.
看我回来写这篇, 大家应该觉得我大概是慢慢把心情收拾好了吧. (咦,没有吗? haha.)
哈哈. 其实真的. 看来我真的很容易收拾心情.
(不管有没有人在看=.=自言自语. 谢谢在好好看着的你哦,对,就是你! 请不要怀疑. 哈哈. )
嗯, 很多更重要的事情是什么呢?
我呢.
5. 赚钱 $.$ (很难)
好了, 你们呢? 有什么更重要的事情吗? 要赶快行动哦. 顺便说着我自己. /____\
总之,要加油哦 !
要珍惜拥有, 活在当下.
不管怎样, 我们也要继续活下去. 大家应该明白我在说什么. :)
(￣▽￣) 本来要写很多的.
好了. 大家要坚强地走过生命每一个阶段哦! 大家一起!
要照顾健康哦!
YosH !!! FIGHTING !! GAMBATEH !! ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ
要做个很酷的人! ( 诶~~~? >▽< )
希望所有事情都很好.
Everything's gonna be alright. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
但愿如此. ♥
喜欢这个动漫的男主角和人. 可是现实和动漫果真是两回事啊.
还有很多动漫想介绍给大家. >w<
好想去旅行~ (￣▽￣) 身不由己的说~~
看我回来写这篇, 大家应该觉得我大概是慢慢把心情收拾好了吧. (咦,没有吗? haha.)
哈哈. 其实真的. 看来我真的很容易收拾心情.
(不管有没有人在看=.=自言自语. 谢谢在好好看着的你哦,对,就是你! 请不要怀疑. 哈哈. )
其实,怎么说呢. 我忘了自己该做什么.
我把重要的事情忘了吧.
其实有很多事情我都还没有做哦. 你们是不是也是这样呢? 那就赶快收拾心情. 别被心情俘虏了. 虽然我还是很不稳定啦, 没资格这么说.
但, 说不定我们错过了什么东西,而沉浸在自己的世界里,那好像划不来哦.
朋友之间可以互相提醒啊.
最近, 还是一如往常地想太多.
不同的是, 我懂得了,想了就算了. 也许因为还有更重要的事情吧.
比如, 我的症状是, 啊, 跟朋友互动得不是很好, 或者我做了什么糗的事情, 典型的想太多...
以前就会一直沉浸在负面当中, 现在则是想了就算了.
可能是以前太空闲=.= 或者是现在所有的事情都不够我爸爸的让我这么痛吧.
所以相较之下,是不是更加微不足道的事情呢?
总之, 情绪是属于你自己的哦. 要学会让它任你控制.
可是其实还是有一个死穴的 :X 啊啊啊 ( 除了爸爸的事情之外)
嗯, 很多更重要的事情是什么呢?
我呢.
1. 准备 undang 考试.
2. 找以后读书的资料
3. 练琴 ( 很重要啊, 朋友, 可以帮个忙, 在我说我没事做时赶我去练钢琴么, 要考试了啊 TT 我知道我很懒啦. 练琴很有挫折感也 D: )
3.5. 录音和朋友合作做音乐
4. 做家务, 当作是工作来做, 可是还没实行. O.O
4.5. 学煮饭 和 弄营养的早餐. 还有要早起. 很重要哦. =.= 5. 赚钱 $.$ (很难)
6. 学习. 很多东西都要学啊..
嗯,还有很多的哦. 最近天气热起来就不想做那么多东西了嘛TT (借口!)好了, 你们呢? 有什么更重要的事情吗? 要赶快行动哦. 顺便说着我自己. /____\
最近眼睛不好了, 看书也特别累, 以前都不会的TT
最近皮肤也不好了, 以前很好的. TT
最近啊最近. 好啦. =.= 我的乐观去哪里了.
要学习爸爸的乐观! /.\ 他说过, 天塌下来当被盖.
天上都是软绵绵的云,当被盖很舒服啊哈哈哈哈. =.=
还有,看到朋友们有些忙碌, 有些心情不好, 有些见不到面,
我都快郁闷死了.
我自己又不可以随便出去找他们,郁闷郁闷 T_____T
还有看到妈妈这样, 郁闷郁闷. 怎么办呢. 唉.
虽然现在暂时知道自己下一步该做的是什么.
我们该学会分析判断了, 不能为所欲为了. 因为, 已经不是, 小孩子了.
很多事情我都处理不好:(
很多事情我都处理不好:(
充满干劲! 要持续下去啊千万 (⌒-⌒; )
昨晚上看到人物专访.
他说, 人呢, 太多选择了, 所以有时要逼得自己无路可退,才会向前进.
还有要保有初心和热血. 做事情也要把自己放得小一些.
还有, 美丽是.... 呃 忘了啊啊啊 以前记忆力也没有这么差的啊啊啊.
抱歉.
总之,要加油哦 !
要珍惜拥有, 活在当下.
不管怎样, 我们也要继续活下去. 大家应该明白我在说什么. :)
(￣▽￣) 本来要写很多的.
好了. 大家要坚强地走过生命每一个阶段哦! 大家一起!
要照顾健康哦!
YosH !!! FIGHTING !! GAMBATEH !! ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ
要做个很酷的人! ( 诶~~~? >▽< )
希望所有事情都很好.
Everything's gonna be alright. ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
还有很多动漫想介绍给大家. >w<
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
一点一点地努力吧:)
今天去了鱼姐姐他们那边的meeting和potluck。
也有听到一些sharing。
我觉得那边的氛围真的不一样。
你说怎么不一样呢我也说不清楚。
就比如在外面聚会，不会所有人都对你这个陌生人笑或打招呼。
在那边，有人会主动说话或对你好。
让我真的很感恩。虽然还不是很熟悉所以有一点不自在，但是还是认识到很多人。
而且学习到一些东西。付出，感恩，坚持，谦卑，学习。这些是抢不走的东西。
还有助人为快乐之本。
还有要positive一些。要想好的。至少我不是一个人。所有发生的事情都是好的。
还有，要学会走过去，懂得抒发真的感情，还有找到适当的管道。并且记住已逝去的人留给自己的好。
谢谢你们。我很开心认识大家，也很感恩。
就算你们不是这样想，至少我是这样想的哦。
还有最近动漫看多了，我学习到了坦率一点。很多话藏在心里反而不好。
说出来表达自己的想法是好事。
可是，坦率跟乱说话是不同的。
说话还是要经过一点思考啦。
不过，我真的蛮会胡思乱想的。
不要想这么多比较好。。
还有要好好照顾自己的健康。
要努力，做个更好的人。:)还有很多不足的地方，不满意的地方，也许我们不该抱怨那些不足，而是用行动改变吧。:)
总之，心理的状态还好。只是有一点不平衡。期待跟阿姨的约定。
只是还是有一个问题没得到回答。
到底待在家除了看戏那些，还能干些什么啊？T______T
Friday, February 22, 2013
Music complete life.
I have added many songs in my bloggie! :)
You can click the playlist's button to listen the song which you like.
我好像快要踏入黑暗了. /________\
特别容易被音乐感染.
old photo. lol.
You can click the playlist's button to listen the song which you like.
我好像快要踏入黑暗了. /________\
特别容易被音乐感染.
old photo. lol.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
感受
也许，所有事情都没有我想得那么糟糕吧。
只是我的心理素质的问题吧。
出现所有的问题都是现在可能发生的，也是很合理的。
也没有什么好奇怪的。
抱歉，无法解释到底是什么事情，
因为连我自己也解释不到到底这是怎么一回事。
也许是因为我最近的情绪和颠倒的生活作息导致我觉得身边的一切都乱七八糟，甚至很负面。 我还没有理清我的思绪，现在脑袋好乱。
不知道，总觉得自己给人添麻烦了。
我知道没有人可以永远陪在你身边，甚至是家人也是如此。
朋友们也已经陪我很多了，帮我很多了，我不能再要求更多，要自己学会怎么面对一切。
说到底，我以为我已经坦然接受一切，并且下定决心好好生活，这也是我在心里答应爸爸的。 但是，为什么呢？
现在心里反而很空，也很愧疚，也很后悔，很痛。
这只是个过程。我们还是要活下去吧。
再也找不到他，再也抓不住他，
因为他已经离开了，他已经听不到我说话了，他已经消失在世界上，
那种感觉很慌。
时间，有时是无法冲淡一切的。 当时间过去了，你也觉得自己已经过了坎，但其实可能你根本还是停滞不前，呆站住。
可能是因为你不想离开，或者是你根本无法离开。
那种感受是深刻的，任任何人来感受也是不一样的。
不过，至少，我们跟着时间的脚步，好好把路走完。
曾经觉得，这不是一个困难，而是一个契机，让我把自己撑起来的契机，
但越向前行，发觉越困难越无助的时候，又开始怀疑这一切。
可能我们需要的不是安慰鼓励，而是向前走的动力...和得到原谅的心。
现在的前路茫茫，不知道该怎么走，不知道该怎么做，只是尽力地走下去而已。
正面的思想可能是必要的，但是，如果能好好撑下去的话，那什么都不重要了吧。
钻牛角尖越钻越深地说=______=
加油！希望以后能有更多的美好回忆与幸福等着我们。:)
只是我的心理素质的问题吧。
出现所有的问题都是现在可能发生的，也是很合理的。
也没有什么好奇怪的。
抱歉，无法解释到底是什么事情，
因为连我自己也解释不到到底这是怎么一回事。
也许是因为我最近的情绪和颠倒的生活作息导致我觉得身边的一切都乱七八糟，甚至很负面。 我还没有理清我的思绪，现在脑袋好乱。
不知道，总觉得自己给人添麻烦了。
我知道没有人可以永远陪在你身边，甚至是家人也是如此。
朋友们也已经陪我很多了，帮我很多了，我不能再要求更多，要自己学会怎么面对一切。
说到底，我以为我已经坦然接受一切，并且下定决心好好生活，这也是我在心里答应爸爸的。 但是，为什么呢？
现在心里反而很空，也很愧疚，也很后悔，很痛。
这只是个过程。我们还是要活下去吧。
再也找不到他，再也抓不住他，
因为他已经离开了，他已经听不到我说话了，他已经消失在世界上，
那种感觉很慌。
时间，有时是无法冲淡一切的。 当时间过去了，你也觉得自己已经过了坎，但其实可能你根本还是停滞不前，呆站住。
可能是因为你不想离开，或者是你根本无法离开。
那种感受是深刻的，任任何人来感受也是不一样的。
不过，至少，我们跟着时间的脚步，好好把路走完。
曾经觉得，这不是一个困难，而是一个契机，让我把自己撑起来的契机，
但越向前行，发觉越困难越无助的时候，又开始怀疑这一切。
可能我们需要的不是安慰鼓励，而是向前走的动力...和得到原谅的心。
现在的前路茫茫，不知道该怎么走，不知道该怎么做，只是尽力地走下去而已。
正面的思想可能是必要的，但是，如果能好好撑下去的话，那什么都不重要了吧。
钻牛角尖越钻越深地说=______=
加油！希望以后能有更多的美好回忆与幸福等着我们。:)
糜烂。
最近真的每天闷在家。有什么办法呢，这个又不会，那个又不行。唉。
我真的不想待在家，感受负离子，结果让自己心情更加跌落谷底吧。是这样吗？
还是出去一整天回到家心情更空虚呢？不过至少让每一天好过一点吧。
我现在的生活真的很糜烂说=.= 半夜睡，下午醒来。然后躲在房间不出来。（押韵呢）
唉。整个人很没有用处。什么事情都处理不好。
今年恐怕很坎坷，不过在年头发生这样的事，也料到了。。
希望所有事情快快好起来。我现在真的很像把自己困在了笼子里面，出不来。
最希望的自由感到现在也依然没有得到。唉。
我知道整天烦着别人了。。对不起。。我再也不烦你们了。。
其实我并不需要特别的安慰或什么吧。。只需要陪伴。。就算只是静静的陪伴也好。
不过，人要学会一个人生存，我也要学会享受孤独。。其实这么多年来我已经在学着了。
朋友们都很忙碌啊，要约出来也很难，
而我却提不起劲做任何事，到底是怎么了？
真的，很苦逼。
真的受不了这种沉重的气氛，我快疯了。
很想大骂一场，但还是算了。
我也已经尽力地想正面的东西了。唉。。
爸爸，对不起，我对你的承诺都没有做好，什么好好生活，什么帮忙家里，什么学会独立，我通通都没有做好。对不起。:'(
可能事情没有想的那么惨么？
我每次都习惯把事情想的很糟糕。。
总之，下一步该怎么走，我真的不知道了。
（我的分段都去了哪里TT）
Sunday, February 17, 2013
怎么办
果然我还是个俗辣（胆小的人），我不敢post上那个质问的那篇/-\
因为那篇太激动了，可是我说的却都是残酷的事实。事实摆在眼前，我却无能为力去改变，我好沮丧，还有人类也不去改变他吗？我真的很希望这世界能变得好一点，就算是稍微的。至少不要因为一个钱字一个权字胡作非为，伤害他人。。
其实烦那些事还不如好好做好我的事情，可是我真的很无助，我不知道该从哪一步走起。我好乱。
叛逆心理也阻止了我的去路。虽然我在努力抵抗着。
家人，沟通真的很重要，也很难。
跟自己沟通，也很难。
天啊，该怎么办。
我只能默默为自己和这个地球祈祷了。
Monday, January 28, 2013
Upset
Don't know why, I feel like crying.
The cells of the whole body feel very upset.
Making me feel very uncomfortable.
Feel sick.
But i thought i dun hav anything bothering me?
Maybe i feel lonely?
Sob sob... Hope recover asap...
Thursday, January 10, 2013
掰掰。。
明天爸爸出殡了。。到千佛寺。
希望他到西方极乐世界欢喜地过。
阿弥陀佛。 想用欢笑送他:)
可是很难办到吧。。 回忆起我与爸爸的回忆。。
小时候，都是他带我上学。。 我喜欢挽着他的手，因为温暖又安全感。
晚上赶功课或温习到深夜，他都陪着我。。
问他事情，都会尽力回答我。。
遇到什么事，他都会和我说话，还会帮帮我。。
时常叫我喝水，要我照顾健康。
我拿到奖，或者成绩好，他比任何人都高兴，还到处炫耀。。
早上有时还帮我按摩，让我起床。 坚持带我去佛学班，让我生活比较丰富。
我要求什么，他都会尽量满足我，支持我。 他吃素，我也吃素，而现在我可以远离肉食，不做肉食动物。
载我和妈妈到处去，或者到处找好吃的素食餐厅。
他工作回来累了，在电视机前拿着报纸坐在椅子上打盹。我和妈妈都在笑他。 他跟妈妈一直说话，什么都说，看报纸时也报告他看到什么，虽然有时妈妈静静地听而已让他有点沮丧吧。可是他还是继续说他的。
我惹妈妈生气时，他就两边走。哥哥惹妈妈生气时也是。。
他为了维持这个家作出了付出。。也把我这个不争气的女儿养育成人了。。
我记得小时候有一次他去旅行几天，结果我晚上时哭了。 所以我想像不到如果当时他离开了，我该怎么办。。
他很会选时间吧？刚好到我考完大考要正式学习独立时。。 我很开心听他的朋友说我没有让他担心。。 我越长越大，他越来越老。。 我们距离也远离了一点。。 我开始叛逆了一点。。任性了。。自私了。。 很多时候忽略了他的感受。。 天真地以为他还会陪我多几十年。 我记得爸爸说，要多体谅妈妈。 我知道了。我会的。
很多人在失去后才会珍惜。 凭口说出来的珍惜是没有用的。 要经历过，才真的懂要珍惜。 我现在很害怕任何一个家人亲戚或朋友们会离开我。。 跟他们说再见时真的特别不舍。。 我会珍惜。我会坚强。 像爸爸一样积极地活。 我们一家人也凝聚在一起面对了。 加油。 谢谢所有关心爸爸和我们的人。 谢谢帮助过爸爸认识爸爸被爸爸教导过的人。 因为你们，让他生命丰富一些。 爸爸掰掰。:') 我很想念你。 可是你不要有牵挂，安心地走吧。
阿弥陀佛。 想用欢笑送他:)
可是很难办到吧。。 回忆起我与爸爸的回忆。。
小时候，都是他带我上学。。 我喜欢挽着他的手，因为温暖又安全感。
晚上赶功课或温习到深夜，他都陪着我。。
问他事情，都会尽力回答我。。
遇到什么事，他都会和我说话，还会帮帮我。。
时常叫我喝水，要我照顾健康。
我拿到奖，或者成绩好，他比任何人都高兴，还到处炫耀。。
早上有时还帮我按摩，让我起床。 坚持带我去佛学班，让我生活比较丰富。
我要求什么，他都会尽量满足我，支持我。 他吃素，我也吃素，而现在我可以远离肉食，不做肉食动物。
载我和妈妈到处去，或者到处找好吃的素食餐厅。
他工作回来累了，在电视机前拿着报纸坐在椅子上打盹。我和妈妈都在笑他。 他跟妈妈一直说话，什么都说，看报纸时也报告他看到什么，虽然有时妈妈静静地听而已让他有点沮丧吧。可是他还是继续说他的。
我惹妈妈生气时，他就两边走。哥哥惹妈妈生气时也是。。
他为了维持这个家作出了付出。。也把我这个不争气的女儿养育成人了。。
我记得小时候有一次他去旅行几天，结果我晚上时哭了。 所以我想像不到如果当时他离开了，我该怎么办。。
他很会选时间吧？刚好到我考完大考要正式学习独立时。。 我很开心听他的朋友说我没有让他担心。。 我越长越大，他越来越老。。 我们距离也远离了一点。。 我开始叛逆了一点。。任性了。。自私了。。 很多时候忽略了他的感受。。 天真地以为他还会陪我多几十年。 我记得爸爸说，要多体谅妈妈。 我知道了。我会的。
很多人在失去后才会珍惜。 凭口说出来的珍惜是没有用的。 要经历过，才真的懂要珍惜。 我现在很害怕任何一个家人亲戚或朋友们会离开我。。 跟他们说再见时真的特别不舍。。 我会珍惜。我会坚强。 像爸爸一样积极地活。 我们一家人也凝聚在一起面对了。 加油。 谢谢所有关心爸爸和我们的人。 谢谢帮助过爸爸认识爸爸被爸爸教导过的人。 因为你们，让他生命丰富一些。 爸爸掰掰。:') 我很想念你。 可是你不要有牵挂，安心地走吧。
爸爸走好。
今天是2013年1月8日。
农历十一月二十七日。
爸爸在今早往生极乐了。享年六十多岁。
我很伤心，也有点欣慰，爸爸可以解脱痛苦了，也不必担心我们了。
他很安详，脸上没有痛苦的表情，那就好。。
希望他走好。放下这里的一切，好好上路。
阿弥陀佛。
世事真的无常。我才要十八岁，爸爸就离开了。。他看不到我长大拿大学文凭然后工作结婚生子。。以后没得问他事情了:(
爸爸不能跟我们庆祝新年了。。爸爸不能和我们一起庆祝生日了。。爸爸不能和我们一起去旅行了。。不能听到爸爸唱歌了。。
一切都像梦一样，我也希望只是梦。
而且他什么遗言都没有留下:( 只留下两首歌词。。
我很内疚。我没有尽好本分。
对不起爸爸。。你会怪我吗？
我知道你不会。因为你一直都很疼我。:'(
就算你有时很莫名其妙=_= 但你还是好老公，好爸爸。
为什么我不会珍惜，为什么我叛逆。
为什么我没有催促你不要工作。。为什么。。
爸爸。。。:'(
我哭了。。我知道不该哭。
可是我会舒服一点啊。
知道你会摸摸我的头，叫我不要哭。
昨天在救护车上你跟我说话么？我就当是吧。我跟你微笑了之后，你就好像安心了这样闭上眼睛睡了。
妈妈说，没有爸爸了。。
呜呜。。。
爸爸，我会做好自己本分，我会独立，帮妈妈，我会勇敢，我会学习很多东西，我会多喝水，照顾好自己的身体，你不要担心。
哥哥不帮忙家里我会帮忙。
什么事情我都会忍一步，冷静一点处理。
我会照顾好情绪，照顾好妈妈。
我会努力的。
我会勇敢的。我会坚强的。因为事实摆在眼前。我会面对的。
不管你听到没有，这是我的承诺。
虽然做不到一百分，至少我会试着改变吧。
给我时间。我可以的。
我会把反面思维抛掉的。
口才嘛。。让他自然发展吧/-\
会跟人说话就好了。。
我有妈妈，哥哥，还有朋友。
我会加油的。
爸爸你也要保佑我哦。让我做一个好人。:)
虽然我现在很害怕，可是我会努力战胜的。
爸爸，掰掰。。
我说不出口的。。我爱你。妈妈也爱你。哥哥们也爱你。你的兄弟姐妹亲戚朋友都爱你。
在心里知道就好。:)
你的一生没有白过哦:)
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
无题
我在想，如果我没有家人，没有朋友，没有认识的人，没有应酬，那就不用那么烦，那么快乐，那么伤心。只是寂寞会吞噬我。既然本来就感到寂寞。
我完全没有生存下去的意志力。/~~~~~~~\
我也不知道我们为什么而活。
也许是暂时的吧，我真的很想休息，真的很想停下来，不想再走下去了。我也没有勇气走下去了。
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
