• Get back into the whole charity/giving back to society swing (had a great start yesterday, I made a little girl’s day by buying her a spongebob balloon she wanted that her mom refused to buy, I have photographic proof that I’ll provide later 😀 )
• Write more and more
• Totally geek out (even more) next sem and get 4 HDs
• Do something crazy and totally out of character
• Drive somewhere far, far, by myself (or if situation permitting, with duly appropriate companionship 🙂 )
• Complete a 10km marathon (within a respectable time)
• Increase my cultural-awareness by attending more related events (poem recitals, gigs, orchestra performances, plays)
• Be a better friend, and boyfriend

Not a long list, not entirely unrealistic. I can do this, I can.

This list subject to change as more and more things prop to mind

This post means nothing. Don’t look deeper into it, please. I’m just exploring what I can write about and to see how far I can stretch things.

She came home to find 2 envelopes on her desk. On was from her university with her grades, the other a letter from the hospital.

Fearing the worst from the latter, she decided to open the letter from the university first.

Erin was not someone without the ability to think, everyone knew that. She could easily converse about any matter, and she was always seen as someone that was quite knowledgeable.

But the moment Erin entered the tertiary part of her education, things started to crumble terribly for her.

In her first semester there, despite desperately trying to study and do well at the exams, she ended up barely passing one unit and failing the 3 others. And those subjects that she’d failed, were all subjects that she thought were actually quite easy, but her marks of below 40% for all of them would suggest otherwise.

Erin did not have friends, but did know many acquaintances. She was someone that to an outsider, would seem quite popular, but she knew she didn’t have any friends and it was all so superficial. She would go home and sit in her room, alone, and ponder her life.

She didn’t have friends that would call her out to hang out. She didn’t have friends that would call to talk.

And on her birthday, she would celebrate it alone, but with herself, because she had no friends to celebrate it with.

Erin opened the envelope sealed by the university and her heart sank as she saw her results.

They were a repeat of the first semester results, and she just could not believe it. Once again, her whole world was crumbling ahead of her, because she knew this would mean that she may get removed from the university.

She panicked, and let out a shriek of disbelief. Then the tears came.

The tears didn’t really help of course, other than to get the letter wet. But she was sad, and that’s what people do when they’re sad; they cry.

In trying to regain her composure, she decided to open the letter from the hospital, praying there would be good news there.

The letter read “…we are sorry, but your condition has deteriorated further, and you now have less than a month to live. Please come by the hospital to make further arrangements.”

Of all people, she knew she was sick. She knew she didn’t have long to live, but she needed some boffins in lab coats to give her that assurance.

She no longer felt sad; she felt she was ready for death.

She felt that she’d suffered enough in life, and she was ready for it to all end.

She felt that she could do without continuing in this life, for she didn’t have much to show for it anyway.

Upon these realizations, she picked up her phone and called someone she held dear in her life, a close friend of hers called Peter.

Peter was someone she loved dearly, and someone she cared a lot about, but these feelings were held back by the fact that Peter was in love with his own girlfriend and would constantly remind Erin that.

Erin did realize this, but because her love for Peter was so intense she held on to him, even if it meant that the love they had was only way, from Erin to Peter. She did wonder at some junctures, why she’d put up with all this and still love him soo overwhelmingly much, but she never could answer that question, and chose to ignore it instead.

She told him that she just got news that she’s got less than a month to live, and she will die soon. She also told him that he needn’t be sad, and that he need not do anything to try to cheer her up.

Of course when she told him all that, that was exactly how and what she wanted him to do. But Peter being Peter, did not feel sad that someone that he considers distant to him like Erin was dying, and did not feel that it was his responsibility to cheer him up.

Erin hung up, content that she’d told him that she was going to die. She knew he’d call up the others, and pass on the news, but Peter being Peter, he didn’t.

She smiled a content smile, knowing that someone out there cared for her a great deal too. Sad to say, she was mistaken, for in no way did Peter care for her anywhere as near as she did for him.

if only she realized that, she’d never be loved quite as much as she loved others around, sad as it may be.

Not knowing why, she lay down in bed, and cried again.