I'm a blog failure. It's been so long since I blogged, I couldn't even remember how to log in. Time is something I can't seem to find much of these days. There are days my kitchen stays a mess (shhh, don't tell my mother), because I find more value in eating, sleeping and showering than a clean kitchen. There's few events that can bring me to the keyboard and out of my blogging hiatus, but kindergarten is one.... a major one.
I know, I'm ridiculous. Over the past few years, I have thought new kindergarten moms were insane. I thought to myself (and occasionally out loud), "What an idiot, why are you crying? You should be thrilled to have five days a week to yourself (well, at least with one less child)." Let me just say, lesson learned. For me, this falls into that category of "you don't understand it, until you get there" or "don't knock it until you've tried it" or even "I told you so". I'm officially "that mom", yes, here I am. You are welcome to laugh and judge. :) One day, I'll look back and laugh at myself too.
I've explained before, that I'm not a crier. This event hasn't cracked me yet, but it might. Tonight, a mere 12 hours before we drop him off and make him a true kindergartner, my stomach is in knots. I have actual, true nerves for him. Maybe it's all compounded by not being able to share those nerves with him. To him, I'm happy, cheerleader mom explaining all the wonderful, fun things they will learn and play. It's an odd feeling.
His new teacher is fabulous. I've decided kindergarten teachers have a special place in heaven for dealing with all us nutty parents and for doing it with such grace and ease. They not only calm the nerves of 20+ kindergartners, but 40+ parents. Good people, I tell you, good people.
Maybe the hardest part of it all, is that this is one of the first times I have to let go. It seems parenting is a series of "letting go" {and letting God}. Each time you are forced to "let go", your parenting is put to the test. All I can do with each of these rungs on the ladder is hope that we did our best and that our kids will swim (or at least float) and not sink . Tomorrow, and the year to follow, is our first buoyancy test.
From now, until the next post, say a prayer for me (and the millions of other first-timers out there), we all appreciate it!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Kindergarten Eve
Friday, December 7, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Jack William is here!
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| Delivery Day - September 10, 2012 39 weeks, 4 days pregnant |
(He just got home from school)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Surprise!
Here's Baby Evans at 12 weeks! We are expecting this beautiful surprise sometime in September. I'm actually due September 13th, but my pregnancy history says there is no way I will make it that long. As of today I am 17 weeks, 6 days pregnant and we find out the gender next Thursday!
Riley
This little gem we refer to as, "Sissy", "Sister", "Gracie", "Hurricane" or "Hurricane Grace". Let me just tell you, she is something. She is SO sweet one moment and crazy as, well, a hurricane the next. She is absolutely into EVERYTHING! She climbs on furniture, ladders, boxes, really anything an inch or more off the ground. She definitely keeps me on my toes. I didn't plan to put locks on on the cabinets at our new house, but she literally had the contents of two cabinets pulled out before I could clean up one after her. I waived my white flag and began installing child locks.
Riley is so tiny. After big boy Benjamin I never figured I would have a tiny kiddo, but Riley has sure proved me wrong. She is 90% for height, but usually 20-25% for weight, every girl's dream, right? She certainly didn't get it from me because I was a chunk when I was a baby, I guess she has her Daddy to thank for some height!
This girl talks up a storm, so much so we can carry on simple conversations. It's really comical. You wouldn't expect someone so little to pick up so many words and understand so much, but she does. I guess between being the second child and being a girl, the words just flow! Behind Dada and Mama, SHOE was her first word. Shoe, are you kidding me?!? She is OBSESSED with shoes and wants to put hers on and put ours on for us. When I get ready in the mornings, she picks a pair from my closet and brings them to me (and won't stop until I put them on). She's funny, SO GIRLY, yet a total tomboy all at the same time.
I wouldn't change a thing about this sweet, little monster! She's a keeper!
Benjamin
This character turned four in March. In some ways it's impossible to believe he is already four, in others it seems he should at least be ten by now. Our blog has been pretty quiet for a while, but that's simply because life has just been so busy.
Ben goes to school three days a week and loves every minute of it. He is so happy at school, loves his teachers and friends. On one of his progress reports the teachers said he is a class favorite. This really took me by surprise, simply because he can be so shy around others. I started to take note and noticed all the kids in his class are so excited when he arrives in the mornings and always hugging him and telling him, "goodbye" in the afternoons. Ben has such a gentle spirit (when he chooses to), but can be such a maniac at home. The contrast in him at school and home is huge. It just funny to me.
Right now Ben loves playing t-ball with Daddy, running, playing soccer with Daddy, driving his John Deere Gator, playing with PlayDoh, baking cookies, building, reading and playing. He is so full of life. Some days I wish I could plug his power source directly into me... Lord knows I need it!
Ben says some of the funniest things. The one that is freshest on my mind is from this past weekend when my cousin visited from San Diego. He was asking me who was coming to visit and I told him, "Tara, my cousin." His response, "Is she four like me?" Me, "No, she's my age just like your cousins are your age." Ben, "Does she have a little boy?" Me, "No, she doesn't have any kids." Ben, "Well, she needs to buy some then." This child cracks me up! You tell he really thinks things through and has legitimate questions about almost everything. It's fun!
That's what the big man is up to these days. There is never a dull moment at our house!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
No words.
I've gone back and forth on if I should blog about what we went through this summer. Once I hit the "Publish Post" button, it's out there for all to see. I've never been a public person. I'm not an "emotions person". I don't really cry, almost to the point of being inappropriate sometimes. I don't cry, even when I should. I guess it's just how I'm wired. Just when you think you have yourself figured out, God has a way of showing you that you have so much more room to grow and change.
Let me back up to May. Our first house was on the market for two and half weeks before we had an offer. By the end of June we sold our house and moved into an apartment so our new home could be built...talk about transition. Our family of four was forced into a very small space with no backyard and only a portion of our belongings. Let's just say we've learned to live with a lot less "stuff" and space. Here in October, we are counting the days until our new home is complete.
On July 24th our lives changed, mine forever. We learned we were expecting Baby Evans #3. You see, we had JUST sold and/or donated ALL our baby stuff. Everything from maternity clothes to Bumbo was purged when we moved from the house. We made the decision we were "done" having children. We had one boy and one girl. We were the "perfect" American family, why change it? As you can imagine, we were shocked. This baby would be due March 29, 2012, a mere 17 months after Riley. I was in shock, but COMPLETELY elated at the same time.
By pregnancy #3, you know the drill. I scheduled my "confirmation" appointment at seven weeks, August 12. At 4:55pm on August 11th something became terribly wrong. To spare the details, I called the doctor's office and they assured me everything was alright and to just come in the next day for my scheduled appointment. Deep down, I KNEW what was happening despite being told that everything was fine. At the appointment the nurse and nurse practitioner didn't get the memo that something was wrong and they made their jokes about being pregnant so soon, that it couldn't be true. In the back of my mind I was thinking, "Well, it's not true... anymore." Once I explained the situation the jokes stopped... like a freight train crashing. An ultrasound showed that the baby had stopped growing or that I was not as far along as we thought. I knew it was the first, but we still had to hold onto that glimmer of hope that everything really was alright.
I spent all weekend in turmoil. I waited to have blood drawn until Monday and was assured the results would be in that afternoon... of course they weren't. When I called the lab to check on the progress I was told, "You'll just have to wait." Finally Tuesday I called my doctor's office and was told my hormone levels were dropping.
It's funny (well, not really funny), but no one wants to say, "You are having a miscarriage." No one can say it, but I had to say it. The words still feel like broken glass coming out of my mouth when I do say it.
"I had a miscarriage."
Today I would be 17 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I've come a very long way, only by the grace of God. There is absolutely no way I would be making through this journey with out my God. No way.
I am grateful for other women who have shared their stories of loss with me. I hate that we are kindred spirits in such an awful way, but they make me stronger. I have the most strength in talking to someone who "gets it".
I'm grateful for family and friends who have listened and loved, even when they didn't know what to say.
The biggest lesson I have learned is that sometimes there's nothing you can say to make things better for someone else or even yourself. I've always tried to rationalize things, especially in hard times. Now I know, sometimes you just can't. Excuse my lack of eloquence here, but sometimes things just "suck" and that's the only thing you can say.
I thank God for the strength He has given me through the loss of a child. I know to some it seems crazy. I know you may not understand the loss of a pregnancy at seven weeks as the loss of a child, but I do. I feel a deep sense of emptiness knowing that baby could be here with us now, but I also understand God gives AND takes away.
I do believe loss makes you more grateful for the people around you. It does make you realize stuff is just stuff. Loss takes things you already know and makes them more clear.
So here I go. I'm about to press the "Publish Post" button and put it out there for everyone to see.
Lastly, I'm grateful for the healing and strength to press that button.
