Fork News

I am sure you recall my favorite fork, Forky. Let's stop right there! I am aware that TOY STORY 4 had a character named Forky in it, though I never saw it. That's why I am going to sue the makers of TOY STORY 4 for everything they've got! The "blog" will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that I called my fork "Forky" as early as March of 2007. I think I made up the name "Forky" to be funny for the "blog." But then I started calling my fork "Forky" in "real life." You know how that is. Once, someone was over for dinner - I'm pretty sure it was John Brandon, though maybe not - and I referred out loud to my fork as "Forky" and I saw the sadness in his eyes and I thought, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that around other people. Anyway, I have been eating with that fork for close to 60 years, I guess. And now FORKY IS MISSING! I emailed McNeil about it, not that I think he had anything to do with it, and he asked whether Forky was a "baby fork" since I've been eating with it for so long. I told him that Forky was a man fork! A fork for a man! Anyway, Forky is gone. What a load to drop on you on Christmas Eve! I hope I haven't ruined your Christmas again. Katie's mother said I should pray to St. Anthony.

Judgment of the Flying Head

I know what you're wondering... did THE LOST STEPS by Alejo Carpentier have an owl in it? Let's look at the facts! No need getting emotional about it! Toward the end of the book we have "the flying heads with wings for ears of the Tierra del Fuego." Now! Could this possibly be the chonchón mentioned in THE OBSCENE BIRD OF NIGHT? You bet your ass it could! And, as I am sure you will recall, the translator of the latter work referred to the chonchón in a note as an "owllike creature." This is where things become complicated. For you see, the translator of THE LOST STEPS does not mention the flying heads at all. No, he is one of those "What is translation, anyway?" type guys, and he spends his entire translator's note wondering what translation is anyway. He can't figure it out! You know, one of those guys. This being the case, we cannot claim in any sense that "the flying heads with wings for ears of Tierra del Fuego" are perceived as "owllike" by either author or translator of THE LOST STEPS. It is therefore the decision of this court that THE LOST STEPS by Alejo Carpentier does not have an owl in it.

Sweet Memory of Boredom

So Dr. Theresa and I had somewhere to go this morning, and I was getting dressed, going through my t-shirt drawer, and I suddenly remembered a conversation I had with Seo Kim and Kent Osborne at the Gus's Fried Chicken in Oxford, Mississippi, 10 years ago... the first location, before Gus's Fried Chicken moved, and before they subsequently went out of business, in Oxford, Mississippi, at least. So... we were sitting at the counter, as I recall, and I was like, "I don't wear t-shirts with pictures or words on them anymore. I don't know why. Now I wear plain t-shirts. A red t-shirt... a blue t-shirt..." There was a pause and then suddenly we all burst into raucous laughter as the tediousness of my trailing-off sentence simultaneously struck us with its massive boring stupidity. So! Anyway, I started thinking this morning when faced with the evidence that it's not true anymore. Like, Megan will send me an Andy Warhol t-shirt if the Million Dollar Book Club is reading about him, or some swag t-shirt she nabbed from a JUROR #2 screening, ha ha!, or an Oedipus t-shirt with a slogan so filthy I have to wear something over it when I go outside. I don't want you to think Megan dresses me exclusively! Ace also helps. He thinks it's funny to come back from a trip and give me a t-shirt that says "Daddy's Little Meatball" on it or has a picture of Disney's Country Bear Jamboree on it, just to name two of many examples. Or, like, I do a DJ set at The End of All Music where no one but Bill Boyle shows up to dig my beats, and they give me a free t-shirt anyway! So I just want to say that now lots of my t-shirts have slogans and pictures on them.

I'm Like Ladyhawke

Above, that's Adam Muto's tribute to my beloved characters Frowny 'n' Smiley! But more of that anon. First! I know you are so interested in how I switch from my daytime book to my nighttime book. My process, if you will. How do I stop reading one book during the day and start reading another book at night? Well, it's just like in the movie LADYHAWKE! Except instead of turning into a wolf as Rutger Hauer does with the setting of the sun, I put aside my daytime book and pick up my nighttime book! It's just that simple, folks. And before we go on, I'd like to mention that I repeatedly brought up LADYHAWKE in the Adventure Time writers room, and yet, somehow, we never stole anything from LADYHAWKE to use in the show, no matter how much I begged and cried. All right! But that's not the point. There isn't a point. But I'm sure you remember how sometimes my daytime book will blur into my nighttime book... like the daytime book will mention Gogol and then the nighttime book will mention Gogol, and so on (please "click" for a full catalog)... anyway! Yesterday, as my daytime reading was coming to a close, I read (in THE LOST STEPS by Alejo Carpentier, translated by Adrian Nathan West) "... the grave-faced toucan flaunts his breastplate..." at which point I opened up my nighttime book (a scholarly analysis of the roots of oral epic poetry) to see, of all things, "Rade's sword strikes fire from the captain's breastplate." Now, what does this mean? Nothing. I guess breastplate is an everyday word. Personally, I don't think about breastplates too much. But what is the universe telling me? To buy a breastplate? I don't know why I am reminded of a recent incident... yes I do. Anyway, I was at Square Books and I saw a new volume of previously unpublished Dream Songs by John Berryman. And I was like, well, he's been dead a long time. I asked Richard, who was standing there, whether they were any good or just some garbage someone swept up from John Berryman's floor and Richard said, and I do think this is an exact quotation, "Let's do the test!" And he opened the book at random and stuck his finger in and read the lines he found that way and they were good and so I bought the book. That's how Richard gets you! And this is related too, as I am sure you will agree: tonight, if you watch the special THE ELEPHANT on Adult Swim, you will see, in the commercial breaks on your ordinary television set, some extremely short "Frowny 'n' Smiley" episodes by me. So... when we were in one meeting during the making of THE ELEPHANT, Pen happened to mention that it was the 100th anniversary of the exquisite corpse, an art-making game which inspired the structrue of THE ELEPHANT. So, anyway! Today, in the New York Times, there is an article about the 100th anniversary of surrealism, and it includes the origin story of the exquisite corpse! Isn't that something? Today of all days? And I just thought of another thing: Matthew Broderick appears in both LADYHAWKE and ADVENTURE TIME: FIONNA AND CAKE! Okay, I am going to buy a breastplate.

Bitter Thoughts

Well, the Million Dollar Book Club has been debating whether to read about J Dilla or Schubert next. In the midst of discussions, it occurred to me that both subjects died very young, and at about the same age. So I emailed Megan sardonically, if that is the right word, "We know how to have fun!" The more of these books we read (125 so far), the clearer it becomes that all biographies end the same way, if you know what I mean.

A Word of Diminutive Form

Y'all are going to go crazy from excitement when I tell you about this! So, remember the other day when I was remembering reading "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came" at the University of South Alabama? I don't suppose any of us, if we existed, will ever forget the time I remembered that. So I started thinking to myself, "Jack," I started thinking, "wasn't 'Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came' some kind of creepy-ass junk and doesn't that mean it probably has an owl in it, which is something you supposedly love, Jack, you wily old bastard?" (I just shocked myself with my own profanity, but I see I have "blogged" the latter word twice before - "click" here and here for context. I know you won't, you bastard!) So I found my giant volume of Robert Browning and started reading "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came." And I read stanza after stanza, and I got to the part where it became clear... well, he's like, "a burr had been a treasure-trove." In other words, it's a bleak landscape! There's nothing there for an owl to perch on! So I was getting discouraged, all right. Then Dr. Theresa, who was preparing dinner, asked me to help out by seasoning the fish. Which I did gladly! And let me tell you: I know you're worried, but I left the book open flat on my TV tray, and it didn't snap shut and make me lose my place, and I'll tell you why: it has a broad, sturdy spine! Just the kind of book spine I go nuts for! So after I season the fish, I sit back down with the book and I'm not feeling too optimistic about any owls, you know, but here's old Childe Roland and he's getting pretty freaked out by this weirdo landscape, and he asks himself, "Will the night send a howlet or a bat?" And with my keen mind hard at work, I was like "A howlet? That's got to be an owlet!" And damned if I wasn't right for once in my sorry life. I looked at the etymology in the OED and here's where it gets super exciting!!! Remember how I like to beat myself up over the time in my second book when I tried to give a character a comical French accent like some kind of jerk? And I was like, "Why did I ever think a French person would say 'owl' like 'howl'?" Well, well, well. The OED says that howlet is "Apparently a borrowing from French... hulotte, in 16th century hulote, a word of diminutive form." So who's the jerk now? Is it still me?

Only Vaguely Related

Well! You remember how I used to think I could read only one book at a time, and then something happened to me and I started shoving several books into my brain at one time like a monster. "This will interest you," I go on to say with the same accuracy as John Goodman in INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS: I have just now decided to categorize two of my "main books" as my "daytime book" and my "nighttime book." Bearing that in mind, I think you will enjoy "clicking" on the following "hyperlink" about how my daytime book and nighttime book, so dissimilar, as a rule, in genre and style, both mentioned Gogol withiin a 24-hour period, followed by a different daytime/nighttime pairing, similarly mismatched, that both mentioned British composer John Dowland. What times those were! I am sure you are still recovering from the shock. Well, now I am on yet another pair of daytime/nighttime books... one is, according to the back cover, "the best-known book by Cuba's most important twentieth-century novelist" and the other is (according to ITS back cover) "the fundamental study of the distinctive techniques and aesthetics of oral epic poetry." So imagine my giddiness at closing my daytime book at a mention of the "Chanson de Roland" - imagine it! - and opening my nighttime book to a mention of the "Chanson de Roland"!!! The latter shouldn't have surprised me, given the subject matter of that volume (THE SINGER OF TALES by Albert B. Lord)... in fact, the "Chanson de Roland" is mentioned on the back cover... but I don't think they told me much, if anything, about the "Chanson de Roland" at the University of South Alabama. We did read "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came," which I suspect is only vaguely related, if at all. I know no one has made it this far, but I add for my own records that I started THE SINGER OF TALES because, I believe, Emily Wilson recommended it in the footnotes to her translation of THE ODYSSEY. (See also.)