Bro friends

There's a dirty little secret in Ben and my life that's not actually dirty or a secret. It's that, when Ben and I met, he started hanging out with me to get to my friend Jeff.

Yep, that's right, he used me to get to a dude. And it worked. Jeff and I were bestest pals for about three weeks, then we met Ben and his brother Adam. I thought we made a nice foursome -- I didn't realize that Ben and Jeff were secretly seeing each other on the side.

If Ben weren't stuck married to me, I think he'd want to be married to Jeff.

This weekend was Jeff's birthday. A big one. He's mondo old now. And bestest pals that they are, Jeff decided he wanted to spend his birthday weekend with Ben.

Fine by me, because he brought along this sweet lady.

After Ben and I got married, Jeff became that awkward single friend that you still hang out with sometimes but it's weird. Then Jeff married Stacey, and suddenly he was worth having around again. Stacey is the best -- the absolute best. Some days I'm grateful that I married Ben because it means I stayed close with Jeff which means I get to hang out with Stacey. True story.

(By the way, that picture is from the swing on my front porch. Are you dying with envy right now? Thought you might be.)

So Jeff and Stacey and their two adorable rugrats (who correspond with two of our rugrats in age) came for the weekend and it was fantastic. The kids had a blast together. The grown ups had a blast together. And the couple that shall heretofore be known as Jeffjamin (or should we use Benffery?) rekindled their special, special bond with pink adult onesies, frozen yogurt and Halo.

Yes, you heard me right.

Ben and Jeff geared up in their matching hot pink Forever Lazy adult onesies.

Then they headed out to pick up from frozen yogurt.

Fortunately they brought some back for us, otherwise we might not have unlocked the door.

Then after getting their fro yo on, they got their Halo on -- they played Xbox for a couple of hours. Wearing the pink onesies. And the matching pink socks.

I can't get Ben to dance with me at our annual employee banquet, yet for Jeff he'll saunter into a crowded, popular business establishment on a weekend night dressed like the Easter bunny. (They even had requests for pictures, which I'm still waiting to see as some random stranger's Facebook profile picture.)

Maybe some day he'll love me that much. But in the meantime, I'm glad he's got his special someone in his bro friend Jeff.

The move

We did it -- we moved. And maybe it's the immediate amnesia that sets in after any big life event, but I really don't think it was half bad. We were fortunate to have lots of help the day before we moved. For one, there was the regular crew, there to assist as needed.

But we also had Ben's dad stop by in the morning Friday to watch the kids so we could actually close on the house. We'd heard that should have been a stressful, panic-inducing moment. But with just the two of us there and no kids it actually felt like a cheap date. (Yes, I know that in reality it was the most expensive date we have ever and will ever go on, but it somehow felt cheaper than forking over $20 for movie tickets.)

We had promised the kids that we would pack until 3 p.m. and then, ready or not, we 'd call it quits and spend the rest of the day with them. So that's what we did. We went to the park. We did some fun shopping. And then we got really brave and did something we'd never attempted before -- we took all four kiddos out to eat.

The only place we would attempt such a feat is the world's greatest restaurant -- The Emerald in Pullman. Best Chinese food, fastest service and nicest staff. Ordinarily I take offense when perfect strangers touch my children. But when our waitress would pinch both boys' cheeks every single time she walked past, I was just tickled. The boys didn't seem to mind, either.

They were happy. The parents were happy.

And Hammy and Nelly were in chop-stick heaven.

(Yes, that's a plate of fries and grilled cheese sandwiches in the middle. The bigger kids ate Chinese. The little kids ate fried rice and grilled cheese. So sue me.)

Friday night was almost too exciting to sleep (the fact that we'd already taken apart all the beds probably didn't help). But eventually we did all sleep and bright and early the next morning I packed up the kids and hauled them to the new house for the first time.

They were in heaven. For one, we had an indoor picnic. The big kids had a rare treat of Pop-Tarts.

And apparently the boys had Legos for their breakfast.

We played and played in the empty house, then we headed to the indoor park and played and played there.

Meanwhile Ben and our wonderful friends Dave and Tracey loaded EVERYTHING. It took the three of them three hours, bless their hearts. But they managed to get everything loaded.

Once the moving truck was loaded, Ben and I ran the kiddos to our wonderful friends the Cooks home. Those good people did everything in their power to wear our kids out to ensure a good night of sleep in our new home. They ran the kids ragged and we were blessed with many hands from our new ward (church congregation) to unload the truck. What took so long to load took about 35 minutes to unload. And as though all the unloading wasn't enough, one of our new neighbors stayed for another hour to help set up the cribs, and another old friend stopped by a few hours later and set up the kids beds for me while Ben was off grabbing another quick load from the old house.

Looking back from our last moving day, this was a dream. It was work, don't get me wrong, and Ben has threatened to be buried in the backyard rather than ever move again. But honestly, we love this house so much that we may never want to move. Or if we do, we might just have someone beam our house to our new location. That'll be possible in another 15 years, right?

First and last time

Growing up, I loved going to the car wash. It wasn't something we did often, but when we did it was akin to going to Disney Land -- pure awesomeness.

The other day I had some time to kill, a filthy van and $5 burning a hole in my pocket. So I figured it would be fun to take the kids through the car wash. I was expecting the experience to be at least somewhat as magical for them as it always was for me.

I was wrong.

Hammy was the first to lose it.

Then Hawk.

Then Deak.

And finally Nelly joined in the sobbing symphony.

 

Hammy, when he finally calmed down, informed me that the "car wash is evil." So there's one thing we apparently will not be doing as a family again any time soon. Of course, now I have an awesome punishment to threaten if the kids don't clean their rooms or eat all of their dinner.

Tell me how ... to stash the DVDs and VHS

We are loving our new house -- loving it. But there's lots o little things about the new space that we're figuring out. One that's driving me nuts at this exact moment has nothing to do with the new space and everything to do with the pile of DVDs strewn everywhere.

Just before we left the old place, the babies discovered the under-television storage area. Not only did they figure out how to pull everything out and make a huge mess, they also figured out how to climb up it. Well, at least they could climb it well enough to fall from great heights. So the television has been moved to a lower table and the DVDs, VHS and other random media pieces (I think I found an eight-track under there while packing) are currently displaced.

We can't figure out the best way to store them. When they were in a bookcase, they kids pulled them out constantly. In boxes under the television worked ... until the kids discovered them and pulled them out constantly. I figure a DVD rack would be just the same as a bookcase.

I seem to recall asking this years before, but I'm asking again. What's the best way to store DVDs and VHS (and yes, we still have a bunch of those) so they're easily accessible to the grown ups but not so much to the kiddos?

Then and now

We have a big day today. This morning we sign on the house, then we spend the afternoon in a last ditch attempt to pack before tomorrow's move.

Big day.

With so much to do and so little time, naturally I'm taking a big chunk of my day to sit back and reflect.

We are so humbled by how our lives have played out these last 12 months. A year ago, we were several weeks away from graduation and 100 percent broke. Our savings were tapped, the income wasn't coming in, and we had two babies who could only consume the world's most expensive formula (I believe the ingredients included crushed up diamonds and gold dust). We could see the light, but we weren't sure if we could afford the gas to get the train out of the tunnel.

Miracles poured in, as they'd been pouring in continuously for the previous two years, and we made it. Two days before graduation, Ben got a job offer. When he temporarily lost his job, I got a job offer. And within a few months when everything settled down, we found ourselves with two fulfilling careers, two incomes, and two parents who get to take an active part in both raising the children and supporting the family.

With a lot of hard work and even more good fortune (such as a part-time job for Ben that has been consistently full-time hours), we've been able to sock away enough to pay off Ben's student loans (last check will go out as soon as I find it ... so probably in a week or so). We could afford a down payment on a house. And we still have enough left over to go out to my favorite Chinese restaurant for dinner tonight. Given that before Ben graduated we were bringing in barely enough each month to pay for tonight's dinner, the ability to afford these things now is astounding to us. And to do it in less than a year is even more so.

We have been blessed beyond belief. We never could have done it without the help of family members during the poorest of days (and always). We wouldn't have made it without the generosity of Church members who at various times showed up unannounced with boxes of food, with hand-me-down clothes, with checks from anonymous donors, and with Christmas presents for everyone in the family. Giving service in the Church is sometimes hard. Receiving service is gut-wrenchingly difficult but at the same time amazing and inspiring. And we've had countless friends helping us along the way, either by their example, with their hidden gifts, with their acts of service and with their overall faith in us.

We feel about as rags to (relative) riches as you can get. Granted, in a couple of hours when we sign (and sign and sign and sign) on the house, we maybe won't feel so rich anymore. But compared to begging on street corners for rent money, it still feels pretty great.

Tell me how ... to unpack

I have a plan that I happen to think is brilliant.

We're moving this Saturday -- gasp and faint. Are we ready? Heck to the no. Will we be? Heck to the maybe. We probably will. Or we won't. Who knows.

But when it comes to unpacking, here's my brilliant plan.

The loading crew will show up at 8 a.m. Let me take a time-out from my brilliant plan to put in a plug for how awesome LDS people are. If you have ever considered being LDS for a day, might I recommend you make it a day when you're moving? Each LDS congregation has a group of men called the Elders' Quorum. They're a bunch of guys with good hearts and strong backs, and while their actual role is to hold the keys of all the spiritual blessings of the Church, they are perhaps better known for their mad moving skills. Whenever and wherever Mormons move, there's a bunch of guys from the Elders' Quorum ready to help out.

So, Elders' Quorum No. 1 will load us up around 8 a.m. Furniture first, boxes second. Then some doughnuts and chocolate milk and they'll call it a morning. Elders' Quorum No. 2 (because we're moving within the same town but into a new congregation's boundary, so two sets of Mormons are on the job. Seriously, next time you move become a Mormon. You won't regret it) will show up at noon to unload us. And here's my brilliant plan (finally). All of the boxes go in the garage, unstacked. All of the furniture goes into the house, in the room and if possible location where it belongs.

And that's it. Simple, yes. And maybe that's how everyone does it. But it seemed an epiphany to me. Having the furniture put away will be a huge help. And having all of the boxes in the garage instead of scattered around the house will, in theory, save us from the chaos. No doubt we'll struggle to find the box we need at any given time, but that would happen regardless. This way we don't have to worry about guarding boxes from the kids or unpacking amid the clutter. We can bring in one or two boxes at a time, put them away, then grab some more. So what if we have to park in the driveway for the next week (who am I kidding, month)? At least the house will seem nice and organized while we slowly and surely put everything away.

So this really isn't so much a tell me how as it is a "I think I'm brilliant and already know how." But I'd still love other ideas we can use as well (or that we can look back longingly and say, "Why didn't we do it that way instead? Our way was the pits."

Sock it to me. What are your brilliant unpacking strategies?

Youth: Fortify yourselves

I had the chance yesterday to give a pornography-related presentation to a local LDS youth group. Oh, how I loved it. It was my first time making this kind of presentation to youth, and I was beyond nervous up to the point where I started talking. But it was great. The kids were responsive and supportive and I think the message was on target, or at least fairly close to what their leaders wanted me to touch on. Here's a transcript of what I prepared. (What I actually said varied, but this is what I MEANT to say.)

Intro: Captain Moroni

When we think of Captain Moroni, we probably all think about the same story – the Title of Liberty. If you remember, Captain Moroni lived in the period 70-80 years before Christ. He was a righteous man and leader of the Nephite armies. When the Lamanites, who were wicked at this time, came up against them, he ripped up his coat, wrote the Title of Liberty on it and started waving it around, basically, to rally the troops.

Pretty great, heroic moment there. But as a leader, Moroni did some other remarkable things that made all the difference in saving the lives of the people he was leading and those he was protecting.

One of my personal favorite moments was something that happened in 72 B.C. They have just had a particularly rough set of battles with the Lamanites, who are lead by a rotten guy named Amalickiah. Amalickiah was a Nephite who defected to the Lamanites and by deceit and manipulation found himself their leader. He was so bad, he swore to drink the blood of Moroni. This was before being a vampire was cool, so you know he was a bad guy.

So Amalickiah is out to get the Nephites, and Moroni is determined to protect them. So he’s done a whole bunch of things to fortify their cities. It gets to the point where the cities have been fortified so much that the Lamanites have to retreat into the wilderness; they’re just getting beat on too much.

And here’s the moment I love. What does Moroni do once the Lamanites retreat? He could have thrown a party, and maybe he did. He could have declared the Nephite’s unbeatable. But instead, he set to work fortifying all of the cities in the land.

And how did he fortify them? In Alma Chapter 50 in the Book of Mormon, we learn that he had the people dig up the earth and pile it around the cities until they were surrounded by tall ridges. Then on the ridges they placed timbers, or logs, as tall as men. Then they topped the logs with spiky picket things. And then they built towers in the middle and put a bunch of those pickets on the towers, too, as protection against arrows and whatnot. And then they put someone up on the tower with a big pile of rocks. After that, all they really needed to do to defend their cities was have the person on the tower toss rocks down onto anyone who might be daring enough to try to climb into the city. They could easily take them out with the rocks, then go back to cross-stitching or playing chess or whatever they did all day.

It is remarkable to me that during this time of peace – there were several years with no attacks – this is how Moroni spent his time. When things seemed quiet and peaceful and it seemed they didn’t need to be that careful, Moroni was focused on keeping everyone safe no matter what the adversary might try to throw at them in the future.

Fortify yourselves now

Right now, some of you might be in the middle of a great battle against Satan, media and pornography. If you are, I hope some of what I’ll share might help you. For many of you, though, you may feel as though all is well. There may not be a battle raging that you are aware of right now. But I assure you, there is an enemy out there probably positioned much closer than you think. Now is the time to fortify against the attacks that will come or maybe already are coming.

We live in an awesome time. I’m so glad I don’t live in the days of the pioneers or of Moses or really any time before indoor plumbing or the creation of Taco Bell. I love the Internet. The other day, I bought a pirate-themed shower curtain online – while wearing my pajamas. It saved me from having drive all the way out to Walmart and buy whatever shower curtain they had there … probably also while wearing my pajamas. My family doesn’t live nearby, but we stay in touch online almost daily. My husband hates this one, but we have online banking so whenever he buys a slice of pizza at work or something like that, I know within five minutes and can call and give him grief about it. The Internet is awesome.

But as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland put it, “Tragically, the same computer and Internet service that allows me to do my family history and prepare those names for temple work could, without filters and controls, allow my children or grandchildren access to a global cesspool of perceptions that could blast a crater in their brains forever.”

In other words, it’s also full of filth and crap, and if we’re not careful … well, you heard what he said about a crater in our brains forever.

The good and the bad

Let’s come up with a few things out there and talk about the good and the bad. (The youth contributed these ideas.)

Texting – The Good

• It's convenient
• It's fun
• You can have a private conversation on it

Texting – The Bad

• People can send you bad videos and pictures on it
• Sexting
• It's addictive
• It's distracting while driving or walking
• People have conversations by text instead of actually talking to people

Facebook – The Good

• Great way to stay in touch with people
• Share pictures and ideas
• Invite people to events

Facebook – The Bad

• HUGE time waster
• Inappropriate conversations
• People take things out of context
• Once it's out there, you can't take it back
• Bullying
• Graphic photos
• Creepy people want to be your friend

Internet – The Good

• Lots of business done there
• Work from anywhere
• Online classes
• Can learn about anything
• Share pictures and videos

Internet – The Bad

• Pornography is everywhere
• Waste so much time on it
• Private information goes public

What to do about it?

So what do we do about it? I go around and give talks to adults about how to fortify their families against the negative influences of the media and technology. I tell them all sorts of things they can do, and I’ll tell you about them, too.

I tell them to have an Internet filter. I tell them to have rules about computer use, cell phone use, social media use, television use, all of it. I tell them the computer or any other device that can connect to the Internet belongs in a public space – never in a bedroom.

Did you know that you’re 10 times more likely to look at pornography if the lights are off? Isn’t that ridiculous? And yet, how easy is it to keep the lights on? You’re more likely to get into trouble online after a certain time of night. Now, that certain time is different for everyone – it can be as early as 8 p.m., but 10 p.m. is a pretty good rule of thumb.

Do you think you’re more likely to get into trouble online in a clean room or a dirty one? True story. The cleaner the environment, the safer you are. In fact, any device that has access to the Internet – make that as holy of a place as you can. Put a picture of a temple or of the Savior as your screen saver or background picture. Give yourself an uplifting ringtone for calls and texting. I think every kid’s phone should have their mother or biship’s voice saying, “Remember who you are and what you stand for!” as their text message notification. Wouldn’t that be awesome?

The LDS church has great media out there. I hope you’ve seen a lot of the new Mormon messages, the music videos, the movie clips – they’re great. And they’re free and easily accessible no matter how you get online. Download a thousand of them. Instead of spending your time on YouTube, spend your time on the Mormon channel. You’ll been entertained and you’ll feel uplifted.

You need to take inventory of the media you own. Media isn’t just the Internet and television. It’s books and magazines and music, too. Even posters and pictures. Go beyond the rating. If something is objectionable or even questionable, throw it out. Comedies are the worst for this. They seem to light and upbeat and funny. But if it’s also crass and vulgar and inappropriate, throw it out. You don’t need it.

Be aware of video games. For one, there’s a lot of scantily clad women characters running around in a lot of video games. And a lot of the music that comes along with games is pretty rotten to the core. But more than that, the violent games in particular are addictive, distracting and damaging to your spirit. Studies have shown a strong relationship between violence and pornography. Be careful, and be aware. Fortify yourself.

If you are already struggling with media and pornography, fortify yourself. Talk to your parents or talk to your bishop and get them to help you. They love you and they will help you. I’m sure your good bishop is familiar with www.combattingporongraphy.com. It is the world’s best web site. You can go there yourself and find a ton of helpful resources. Your leaders and parents can go there, too. We’ve talked about not just wasting time surfing the Web – well, next time you catch yourself doing that, go to www.combattingpornography.org and waste a little time there. It won’t be such a waste at all.

Our battle against Satan is just like Moroni’s battle against Amalakiah. We have the strongholds – our cities are our families and our wards. We have friends, family and leaders who are fighting alongside us. We have leaders as brave and inspired as Moroni – your bishop, our stake presidency, and certainly President Monson our prophet. There are a ton of things that can be your ridges and timbers and pickets and towers and rocks so you can be as fortified as Moroni’s cities.

Please take this time in your life, right now, to fortify yourself. Be deliberate in your choices of media and technology. Take inventory often of what you’re viewing and make the changes you’ll feel inspired to make. You’ll find the sacrifices are so small compared to what you’ll gain in return.

Tell me how ... to quiet a (freaking loud) sleep-talker

Hammy has no volume control. At all.

That kid is cute and he is sweet, but he is also LOUD. And he's loudest of all at the absolute worst time possible -- 4 a.m.

Somewhere a few months ago, Hammy turned into a sleep-talker. Sometimes it's pieces of conversation. Sometimes he actually narrates what he's seeing. All of it he does at about 3,000 decibels (if that means really loud -- I'm too lazy to check).

The problem with his night talk/shouting is, of course, it wakes everyone else up it goes long enough. And normally it goes long enough. Waking him up is hard to do, plus normally results in him then being awake and being just as loud, if not louder. Leaving him be doesn't work because he just keeps shouting. Sometimes I'm able to find out what he's dreaming about, resolve it and settle him back down, but that's a rare accomplishment.

How hard can that be, you ask? Last night, he was having a dream that was very upsetting to him. He was shouting the same thing over and over. I could make out two words -- Nelly and stop. It didn't take long to figure out Nelly was doing something (in his dream, remember) that he wanted her to stop. But what? I ran through everything in the universe. Thank goodness for my training in Ms. Andrus's 12th grade English class where we weren't allowed to use state of being verbs (is, are, etc) -- I have lots of action verbs at my disposal. Thirty minutes, yes, that's right, 3-0 minutes of possibilities later, I came up with it. Nelly was waving in his dream and he wanted her to stop.

"OK, Hammy, I'll tell Nelly to stop waving."

And he fell right back to sleep.

Of course, by this point the babies were up for good, Nelly was up and crabby, and I was clearly not going to get any more sleep. Everyone's day started at 4 a.m. ... everyone but Hammy, who happily (and finally quietly) slept until 8 a.m.

Sigh.

Anyone else out there have sleep-talkers? Any ideas on how to (nicely) shut them the heck up?

2012 MS Walk

We've been doing this so long that we've got it down to a science.

First, you load the whole family up and head down to Clarkston, Wash. (about 40 minutes away).


Next, you meet up with your amazing friends and family who have shown up to support you and join in the fun.




Then, you walk.



(Clearly some do more walking than others.)

Finally, you enjoy the free lunch.


This poor little guy -- he wound up wearing someone's lunch when a plate full of macaroni salad and ketchup-drenched hot dog wound up face down on his, well, face. But a hot dog bun of his very own was enough to cheer him up ... somewhat.

Every year friends and family donate to our team, walk with us, send us words of encouragement. It's a fantastic day to feel loved and supported it. But we also sense that help the rest of the year. MS has been no big deal in our family thanks to those who step in when needed, those who pray for us daily, and those who spoil us rotten with their kindness. Thank you, everyone, for making this another great MS Walk.

Tell me how ... to upgrade a bathroom

So ... closing day is coming. Just a few more weeks and we'll be right in the thick of moving. I am too excited to even stress about it. I'm sure that will change soon.

In addition to the down payment and closing costs, we've set aside a bit of money for moving expenses and immediate home improvements. Some of that will go toward painting a few of the rooms. Most of it will go toward fencing the backyard. But if we've played our cards right (and that is a great big if at this point) we should have enough left to do some upgrades in the bathroom.

I am 98 percent certain that a bathroom upgrade is a project MUCH bigger and grander than I want to get into right now, or ever to be honest. However, I am 100 percent certain that I am through with plastic shower/bathtubs. The shower at the new house is made of textured plastic. Textured. Plastic. It's exactly what we have at our current rental, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to really, truly clean.

I know I'm in no position to want the finer things in life. But I'm 31 years old and I have bad cholesterol. I may only have another three or four good years left in me. Is it too much to want a porcelain or acrylic tub? To want actual tile accumulating soap scum vs. nasty plastic practically breeding it?

I suspect that replacing a tub/shower is a huge undertaking. So tell me the best way to do it. Do we make it as minimal as possible -- just the tub and that's it? Or do we go all the way while we're at it? Save up until we can rip out the flooring and the cabinets and the toilet and make an entirely new, unnecessarily fancy bathroom? Eventually we're going to put a second bathroom in the house as well -- do we do that all at the same time, too? Should we do our upgrades right away or wait a few years until my hatred of the plastic tub festers into something strong enough to get me through the loathsome replacement process? Who out there has done bathroom upgrades and can talk me through it ... or out of it?