Names

I love picking out names -
At this point in time, if we have a girl it will likely be:
Sadie Elaine Z-lastname
Katelyn Elys Z.........

or a boy:
Owen Samual Z.......
Jackson Grier Z....... (I prefer"Jack" but DW wants Jackson)

Family and TTC and High Blood Pressure

My DW's family have been more than accepting and is very excited for us - it's the best thing ever! My family is not the same at all. My mom has said some really horrible things about how having a child will ruin your life (I'm an only child so how does that feel?) and to really think about it... I got mad at her and asked her not to provide any further insight on how big of a mistake it would be and since then she's come around a bit. She actually called to find out the results of my first try. My dad is another story. We've decided we'll announce once I'm pregnant because he can be really insensitive. He often says that I'll never give him a grandchild and that angers me so much - why wouldn't I? I have a very weak relationship with him right now - we can spend time together and enjoy each others company but he always has to ruin it by say ingsomething mean about "the gays". I'm hoping that our child will bring my family back into my life in a positive way. It's hard right now to keep them happy - I'm hoping they will eventually just be happy without all of the walking on eggshells.

I haven't been feeling well. I've been sick with a headache and a mind fogginess for the past week. I finally went to the doctor this morning and she said my blood pressure is high. I have 2 weeks to try to lower it by eliminating salt from my diet and if it hasn't improved I'll need to go on meds. I asked how that would affect a pregnancy and she said it would put me into a higher risk category. I'm really feeling bummed right now.

Clomid

My RE offered it and I declined becuase I was concerned about the possible side effects of medicating without reason. I'm doing 3 un-medicated cycles before switching to Clomid.

Money is my main concern and I'm thinking about asking my Doctor for Clomid for my next cycle. That and the fact that I have to try every 2 months right now due to schedule conflicts.

I was prepared to pay the $1200/month to do this and did expect to go the distance but I wasn't prepared for how I feel now after my first attempt. I can honestly say I do not feel like I got any bang for my buck... just cramping & stress. That's a pretty crappy deal IMHO!!

AF Arrived - BFN #1

I woke up with AF this morning so I'm out of the race. The good thing is that after all the POAS I'd done I'm not really upset. I'd rather move on than stay in a state of uncertainty.

That said, I guess I have no choice but to paint the baseboards and door frames. Damn it - I was really hoping to be off the hook.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to be going in for my pre-scheduled bloodwork but I have AF so its rather obvious... not sure what to do or if its protocol to end my cycle. I think I'm going to skip it and call and ask instead because the LAST thing I want to do is go in early for bloodwork to be called and told something I already know.

Still BFN

I keep waiting for my BFP but sadly keep seeing a BFN. AF should arrive Monday which is also when I go back to the clinic for my bloodwork.

BFN 10 DPI

I used my first HPT (ever) and the result was a BFN (10DPI).

I guess this is why people do not test early! I knew it was early and that didn't stop me. It also didn't stop me from going to the dollar store to check if they had HPT (they did!), buying one and trying it as soon as I got home. Also, BFN. lol The good news is I can buy $1 tests so I'm going to go back tomorrow and get a few...er.... several and will have a POAS party.

My First Pregnancy Tests

I finally went out and bought 2 HPT. It was a 2 pack for $18.99...yikes... and plan on testing tomorrow morning (10 DPI) and then again on either Saturday or Sunday 13/14 DPI. I have my actual blood test at the clinic booked for Monday morning. The tests I bought were the "First Response" ones that claim to show results 4 days before a missed period. I know Its working out that I'm only going to be able to try once every 2 months until the beginning of March if I'm not lucky sooner than that. I'll be away for my insem at the end of this month/beginning of November and then my clinic is closed the first week of January. That leaves my 2nd try in December and 3rd in February. Arghhhhhh.... It sucks that I'm missing 2 opportunities!!!!!

Not Feeling Pregnant

I'm on 8DPI and haven't really felt much. On Sunday morning I woke up at 4:30 am sick to my stomach (threw up) and went back to bed. We got all excited thinking it could be morning sickness but I think it was more likely exhaustion from being at my cousins wedding the day before. Other than that. I'm not feeling anything.... I'm not expecting a BFP this try since this is only try #1 so I'm trying not to set myself up for disapointment by thinking too much about it.

No Control

I'm soooo tempted to start charting... I think I'd feel more in control but since I do have the opportunity to have cycle monitoring for free that is probably what I should do and not spend money on an OPK. For this cycle I'll just wait....and worry....

Aside from CM I'm also worrying about what I eat, what I lift.. I'm going crazy!

Freaking out already

Yy insem yesterday was at the 30 hour mark past my LH Surge on a fully moniterd cycle but I didn't have EWCM until TODAY. I feel like maybe I've missed the window and the swimmers are dead if I haven't O'd yet.

Since I'm not doing any monitoring at home I'm completely trusting the bloodwork and u/s at the clinic. This sucks.

First IUI

I had my first IUI today. It wasn't with my RE so I was a bit disappointed. I'm having a bit of cramping/bleeding that I didn't expect at all. I've been worried all day the swimmers are going to fall out.....!!

Here is our Donor:

Risks of using a sperm donor

I'm not sure if I'm just naive but the risk of DI children meeting and the potential for "incest" doesn't bother me even though I have a real life example of DI kids meeting (their parents knew and then told them). There isn't any reason to hide (for Lesbians) the use of a donor and that will need to be something that is always mentioned when our children are entering a new relationship. The real problem (IMHO) is when a couple decides to hide Donor Conception from their children or worse when clinics suggest they do this.

The transfer of genetic disorders is scary and something I've had to accept when starting this process. My nephew has special needs and one of the first things done was genetic testing of both parents - that is something DI children will not be able to do. Ironically even with all of this information I chose an anonymous donor after the only ID release donor that met our criteria gave me a bad feeling that I couldn't shake.

I am going to try (unsure if the clinic will let me) to get the empty vial so I can send it to CaBri for the Donor Semen Archive. Being able to do testing in the future seems worthy of the $60/year fee.

I'm Still waiting for my IUI and am feeling very impatient. I'm about a day late now and I'm getting dangerously close to missing an opportunity for a second try in October becuase I'll be away for a few days at the end of the month.

Parental Leave and Going Crazy Waiting

I've been wondering about parental leave. My DP is going to take 2-3 months and I'll take the first 9-10 months.

On a side note, I'm going absolutely BONKERS. I've called home for my messages about 20 times in the past hour. I'm so eager to get my results today that I'm actually driving myself mad. This is a bad sign - I didn't realize I was going to be THIS impatient.

I Finally got the results and my LH has gone from 5 up to 10

Mon- E 264, LH 5, P 3.4, Tues- E 316, LH 5, P 3.9 Wed - E 361, LH 5, P 3.2, Thurs E 570 LH 10 P 2.7

I hope the the jump in the LH level means I will be called in soon.

2 follicles = twins

How many follicles normally mature? I'm pretty sure on my test cycle I had only 1 follicle tracking at +1 cm and this time I have 2 that are over 1 cm (1 left, 1 right). Does this mean I could have 2 eggs this month or is this normal and one will likely fade away?

Confused

I'm feeling a bit confused this morning after going in for my u/s and blood work for 2 days. The u/s is different this time around and I'm not sure if it's because this is the "real deal" or because things are not progressing as they should. It's making me fear this cycle may be a bust.

I'm CD 12ish (technically 13 but I think I called it a day early) and I normally ovulate around 16. The tech today said that I've "reached the mark" which means my folicles are at 1 cm (1 folicle on Right, 1 folicle on Left) or above however also asked if I had a history of endometriosis and was checking to see if "two were stuck together". Both techs also asked if I was on any medication and seemed to poke around on the right a lot more than before. I took a peek on my chart and saw my u/t Left 1.9, u/t Right 1.3 - not sure if that is the lining or folicle size....

I'd love to bombared them questions! However there is a huge sign that says "technicians are not legally allowed to discuss any results" . All I get is the info they spill while doing the u/s and then a phone message with the results (that are super vague). Unfortunately I'd have to book time with the Doctor to further discuss but I work in another city so getting back to the clinic the same day isn't possible. Hopefully things will be clearer tomorrow. I honestly do not like when the techs talk during the u/s because it's their opinion before the Dr. has reviewed and they can make you worry.

First Day of Cycle Monitoring

I'm up early for my first monitoring appointment and have the typical "going to the clinic" butterflies in my stomach. I'm hoping all the water I just drank is making it's way down since I forgot when I got up this morning and now need a refill. lol Lovely to go on a Sunday morning - I'm soooo tired!!

Buying 8 vials

I've heard people have switched donors after 3-4 cycles that were unsuccessful however we pre-purchased 8 vials because we also wanted to make sure we had enough for 2 pregnancies with the same donor. We were concerned that if we pre-purchased only 3-4 and used all to get pregnant we may not be able to go back and buy more. Our donors last deposit date was August 31, 2006.

This was absolutely a gamble but I don't think I could handle ferequently switching donors - selecting this one was bad enough. I like knowing that when I call to have the goods shipped I know exactly what I'll be getting. We agreed we'd switch once this was gone if it didn't work. Although, I have to admit - when I called I had only asked for 6 vials and they told me they only had 3 because they'd already sold some that morning and I totally freaked out. I asked if they were sure (because I had confirmed the day before to buy 6) and they came back saying I was right, they actually had 9 - so I promptly said I'd buy 8. I don't know, but greed came over me and all I thought was MINE MINE MINE. So now I have 8 vials.... and hope it's good strong stuff.

Shipping Confirmed!

Here is what I've done.. not sure if I'm entirely happy with my decision but... SIGH.

I've asked for same day FedEx shipping for Monday the 24th (Cost $50 more) because calling my Dr. to ask would cost $25 anyway so I thought I'd just put in the money and get it over with. It will arrive sometime on the 24th which is CD13. Since my cycle seems to be a fairly steady 30 days I should be OK. ALSO, AF didn't come in the morning on Day 1, it came at like 10:00 pm so I'm not even sure if I should have counted that as Day 1. When I called in my CD1 I thought I should probably be considering my Day 1 to be the day following AF since it was so late however I didn't bother because I thought 1 extra day of monitoring if CD12 was really CD11 couldn't hurt anything.

The woman at the Cryo Lab kind of laughed at me and said she could tell I was freaking out - afterall - this is my first attempt so I'm bound to be a bit anxious!

Try #1 Waiting Game

The wait for my insemination date is brutal.. I can only imagine what the 2ww will be like.

I have one small concern/issue/reason to worry??? I've been ovulating on CD16 but CD12 will be my first monitoring appt. Now here's the problem - I can only have the goods shipped on Thursday to arrive on Friday (CD10) or shipped on Monday to arrive on Tuesday (CD14). Having the sperm arrive on CD14 is pushing it, isn't it??? God forbid I Ovulate early..... I was told the sperm only lasts 7 days as shipped so CD 16 will likely be on the 7th day.... aghhhhh.. I'm certain my Fertility Clinic will transfer it to storage but I was told they do not store except for IVF patients. I'm sure I'm freaking out over nothing and I'm sure plenty of people go over the 7 days and they have a way to deal with it. STRESSSSS... lol

CD 1

AF arrived today at 10:00pm... I'm official TTC!

I'm now 18 days post Effexor and I'm feeling great!

This is the first time I've felt like blogging since the whole ordeal so I haven't said much about our experience at the Fertility Clinic. It went well. I liked the Doctor and felt comfortable at the clinic. When we first walked in we were shocked to see how many people were there (20+ women) and later learned that we were there during the cycle monitoring time and that was why. We were the only patients waiting for our Doctor.

We had blood taken (15 vials each) and discussed our options. The doctor told me I should try to lose weight and that my weight could affect my fertility. I'm overweight and I know that but I blame my medication for making me gain 50 lbs in the last 4 years. While going off I've been eating and eating since food is about the only thing I've found comforting through this ordeal - not to mention having a huge craving for cheese. That's going to help me lose weight! lol

I'm now waiting on AF so I can go in for my next round of tests. I'm expecting that will be this week or next. I believe the 21st or so? I just realized that "day 3" means I'll have my period during the next round of tests (FHS) and I'm certain the Doctor said I'd also have the HSG at this time. That's a bit gross - I need to confirm that one.

We also have our counseling appointment coming up soon and a session to understand cycle monitoring. It looks like I'll be ready to cycle monitor next month (late April) and would be able to try our first insemination in late May - however - we are sticking to our original plan of the earliest start date being July. If my project date changes this may change as well. We're just not sure yet. Who knows???

I swear I'm so delusional and I keep thinking I'll get pregnant on the first try which has caused the following dilemma/fantasy: 1) Getting Pregnant before the wedding (try in May) and being able to announce that we're expecting at the Wedding, 2) Getting Pregnant before the wedding and needing to deal with that on vacation. I'm actually worried about being pregnant and needing to eat out. I'll be a basket case. I'll not want to eat anything for fear of listeria!

Anyway, I've made a promise to D that I will not go on the computer until next Saturday since I spent too much time on it today... so my next update will be then.

I started tapering off Effexor at the beginning of February and I officially took my last dose on Wednesday February 28th. It's been pure horrifying hell. I'm finally feeling better tonight after 4 days of brain zaps, vomiting and skin ulcers.
How could I have possibly stayed on this drug while pregnant? I would have given birth to a child addicted to crack. I would like to a say a bit f*ck you to any doctor who has suggested it..

Anyway...
February 28th was my first fertility clinic appointment. I liked the Doctor so I've canceled the appointment I'd made with a second clinic. The 15 vials of blood taken were also and indication that once was a enough. Shopping around for Doctors is one thing, going through blood tests and physical exams multiple times is another...

Will post more later. Feeling a bit ick and can't continue.

We bought new furniture from EQ3 and it arrived today.
It's really nice but I'm going to mis my old Chair (which I have to take down to the curb). )=
We did have some problems - the Ottoman tray didn't fit and 1 of the dining room chairs was damaged. We got a Zip Car (an Element) and took 2 of the chairs back (there was a small problem with the other, I wouldn't have returned it if we weren't already going) and the tray. Afterwards we drove to High Park. We were thinking about having a wedding reception/picnic there after the wedding. It's so hard to say (because it's winter) but we didn't like what we saw. Now we have so many things to research and decide. We bought a book called the anti-bride - which is perfect for me. Now we can really use it to plan since we have no idea what we're going to do!

So I had to fill out the paperwork for our appointment next week.
There was a blue form and a Pink form.

I felt like writing across - NO FERTILITY PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but that would be bad luck. There is no reason to assume I have a fertility problem other than the fact that my partner doesn't have a penis. So I don't want to go through medical assessment that makes it sound like I do have a problem.

I've also realized that I have no idea if my period is regular. I had to write "unsure". I honestly do not know. I did some tracking last summer and my period was a bit funky but for the past 16 years of menstruation I haven't given a second thought about when or when I have not had my period. I didn't think this was odd but on my subway ride home I was reading "Forever in Blue" (sisterhood of the traveling pants) and Tibby has a pregnancy scare where she exclaims she had been a virgin and therefore never cared about her period but now that she's had sex she needs to keep track. hmmm.. I suddenly got it. Birth control has never been an issue and getting pregnant has never been a concern. Hence the reason I have such a casual attitude towards my period. I guess it a lesbian perk?

So, we've booked a wedding date.
It's totally going to look like a shotgun wedding! Well, except that our pregnancy will not be an accident!

I don't really know what to say about it all. I'm warming up to the idea - I don't think it's necessary but D feels it's important. We've booked the date, we're doing a city hall wedding and having a picnic reception because I'm cheap.

We've also booked our "honeymoon" and the most logical place to go would be New York. We booked a hotel for an amazing deal - a really amazing deal. $130 CAD/night, regular price $370 and it actually has a bathroom that isn't shared! We're going to spend 4 days/4 nights in NYC and then travel slowly home stopping in the Hamptons and may go through Boston.

Of course, I may be pregnant or we may not even be at our first try. It's all questions in the air right now. We have our first appointment next week and will discuss our time line. I feel a bit like I'm at the mercy of my job right now. I don't want to TTC knowing I'm going into a monster of a month for June but at the same time I'm getting strong signals that my project is going to be delayed again. We're going to aim for May as our first try. If for some reason I find out my project is not delayed, we'll push out our date to July. If I find my project is delayed, we'll keep the May start date.

O. M. G.
My mother is impossible.
I'm not actually out to her but I'm also completely honest about everything in my life. She's just so slow to catch on.

She knows:

• D and I have lived together for almost 8 years
• We've purchased a home together
• We spend 99.9% of our time together, including all vacations
• We're having a baby via a sperm bank
• I refer to all future activities (including buying a house) as "we"
  

BUT...
Somehow...
I'm going to be able to submit my taxes as a single parent...
I need to get a new single mattress for my bed...

We went out with friends tonight and now I feel pretty crappy about money. They are so focused on paying their mortgage and contributing to their RRSP. We still cash out our bonus to pay for debt (school loans - now paid thankfully) and we are unable to put down $25,000 extra on our mortgage through double payments, etc. With paying for spermies, mat leave and day care on the way we just will not have money to be paying everything off. We're not freaking out about our mortgage payments and although we could be contributing more to our RRSP we just are not prepared to do without that money (from our bonuses).

We go on vacations every year and usually on more than one per year. I don't think it's reckless. I don't want to be the type that sits at home worrying about money all the time. We're living such a different life than that of our friends. I always feel a bit jealous after seeing what they are accomplishing (financially) but then I have to go back and think that I get to go places and experience things they can't - we simply do not put that much focus on money. They on the other hand do not go on vacations and talk endlessly about how they're paying every penny they can towards their mortgage while complaining they have "no money". Well, duh.. you have no money because you are paying double mortgage payments!

We had a good laugh yesterday over how I was going to get home from the hospital after giving birth. I'm the driver of the family and it seems obvious that I will not drive myself to the hospital... so unless my mom comes into the city, we'll be taking public transit or walking (we are close to a few hospitals). The thing is that my mom is so afraid of driving in Toronto. I usually pick her up at Yorkdale mall and drive her to my place. She just can't handle it.

Speaking of her.. she is against me having a baby. I mention it and she always says "Don't! It will ruin your life". There is sad irony in this statement - I'm an only child! So she didn't enjoy being a parent, that's fine. It doesn't mean I will have the same experience. In all honesty I cannot blame my mother. She was very idealistic. She had "white picket fence" dreams and what she got was my father leaving her and a toddler that grew up into a handful of a child. All of that said, we've been discussing when to tell her. We think we'll wait until I'm later in the pregnancy so she does not upset me early on. She lives far enough away that not knowing for the first 6 months will not be a problem. This will be interesting.

Clinic #2 called on Monday but I was so busy and stressed out that D forgot to tell me.
I called today (late in the afternoon) and was able to schedule an appointment in 2 weeks. Originally they could have booked me for Wednesday next week but I'm booked up with meetings.

I'm glad I'm going to Clinic #2 before Clinic #1. I have an uneasy feeling about Clinic #1 so I'll feel a lot better knowing the scoop on #2 before going there. Who knows, I may like Clinic #1 but everything in my gut is telling me I wont.

Clinic #4, the one my Dr. recommended hasn't called. I didn't want to go to that one either... but who knows what's going to happen.

#1 booked 2 months out.
#2 had an appointment almost immediately.

I'm not ready to try until July or August but getting in now, so fast, will make me want to try sooner. I have to be prepared to wait. June is going to be so stressful, I can't be carrying under that stress so I'm not going to try.

July will be here soon.

As mentioned below...
Even though all we want is a "healthy baby"... Everyone thinks it and some people know the sex of the baby they want.


... I want a boy & D wants a girl.

I think we're going to have a boy. I can't imagine anything else but I would be equally thrilled to have a girl (I just wrote "equally thrilled to have a boy" by accident, that's how stuck on a boy I am).

This is the nursery .
It's 10'4 X 8' but the closet takes up 2' so therefore we have an 8x8 nursery.

It's so small.

Since we plan on selling we're not going to be making up the room too much. We're going to keep it simple with Wall Art.
We're thinking of painting the room a beige like colour.
From below, we like Filtered Sunlight. Last column, 6 down. The wall will be adorned with Wallcandy Dottitlicious to make it more colourful. \With this carpet and wall art like this. I also like the colour of this green (behind the wall art) as an accent in the room. The light (image to the left) is the current light in the room and will stay.












We won't be buying any fancy crib linens because I've read that bumpers and blankets are a sids risk. We'll buy that stuff once the baby is closer to 1 year.

I feel like I'm going to have a boy - that actually translates into - I think I want a boy (more on that later). If we do have a girl I think this room will be fine too.

I'm a planner and I think a lot about money. I've worked out that TTC is actually cheaper than when the baby will be born. Of course it totally sucks that we have to pay for sperm when straight couples do not but if you cannot afford $700 - $1000 per month to conceive, how will you afford a baby?

In Ontario, Mat Leave is 55% of your salary to a maximum of $413/week. Being on Mat and parental leave is not free time off from work - it's expensive time off work but it allows you to care for your child rather than leaving them with a stranger. We had originally discussed sharing the parental leave but since there is a cap on your pay and I make less than D, I'm the one that will be off the entire time.

After Mat leave/Parental Leave - there is daycare. Due to geography, we do not have parents available to watch our wee one. I see so many of my co-workers leaving their kids with their mom - that's not going to happen. Childcare for infants is expensive - depending if you go to a home daycare or a center, expect to pay $900 - $1400 per month.

What about #2? I have it worked out that our children will likely be 3 to 5 years age difference to avoid double full daycare bills.

Having a baby is expensive. The sperm is cheap in comparison.

I've just paid off my OSAP loan. I've increased my stock contribution to build a nest egg (hopefully) to subsidize the first couple of years of day care.

This is expensive stuff.

We went to Dearborn Baby today to make a wish list of items we want.
We saw the Stokke Crib that I really like. Dee likes it too. Although I'm a bit concerned about the mattress since it seemed a bit pillow like and I've read that isn't safe.


We also saw the Frog Pod that I really want. I first saw it at the Baby and Toddler show. Had it not been on the top shelf without a clear price I probably would have bought it. As mentioned previously we're not going to put the nursery together until after I'm pregnant. All we're doing is painting but we can still look and dream!

It appears there is so much money to be spent.

D received good news at her appointment tonight which was a great relief. We'd had a bit of a scare due to something "not to really worry about" from a test result. Note to my doctor: saying it's nothing to worry about over an answering machine and not explaining is not reassuring. Hello - we all know that no news is good news! I was ill thinking about terrible things until we found out that it really is nothing to worry about.

While she was there she mentioned the clinic mix-up. I now have appointments at Clinic #1, Clinic #2 and Clinic #4. I'm glad my doctor understood and referred us to 2 different places. She said she's also a control freak and understands.

Did she just call me a Control freak? Oh well.

I called clinic # 2 today and was shot down. I need a Dr.'s referral.
I'm asking D to discuss this with our GP on Thursday when she goes in for some test results. I'm not going to bother calling clinic #3 because I know the same thing will happen. I feel like I'm being really picky.

With 2 clinics booked we're still thinking about the Sperm bank we are going to use. We had started out with CanAmCryo, Repromed and Xytex as our choices and now I'm definitely down to Repromed and Xytex but I think Xytex is winning. It's too early to seriously think about a donor so I've tried not to get too into the Xytex basic profiles for now.

One of my co-worker friends has a partner who used Repromed (with a previous partner). I asked her opinion and found out that the cost of the Repromed profiles may be more than I'm willing to pay. She said that 4 years ago they were charging $600/profile which included picture and medical history. Xytex is $150 for 3 months unlimited access per their website. A much better deal if you ask me.

I went to see my GP today and I have my instructions to go off of my current medication. All along I have been told that it would be fine to continue during pregnancy but I do not want to take any chances. I'm going off slowly over the next 9 weeks.

I requested referral to Fertility Clinic #2 but it appears that I was not referred correctly and I'm going to a clinic I had never heard of. Let's call this referral to clinic #4. I asked about Clinic #3 and my Dr. had never heard of them. I find this odd since my previous GP was going to refer me there.

Is it wrong for me to want to have multiple consultations to choose the clinic I want to use? This is expensive and life altering.

That said:
#1 - booked in March. This place is hands down the most convenient choice. It's across the street from my office building - could you ask for better than that? I could be inseminated over lunch. BUT... I've met 2 of the staff and they seemed like flakey morons and I'm not sure how "Same Sex positive" they are. Also, they are affiliated with a specific Sperm bank that I'm not yet sure I want to use.

#2 - I'll try and book my own appointment. This place is close to home but that won't help much on a workday. I've read good things about them and was looking forward to checking this place out.

#3 - Not sure if I'll call this one. I'll see how calling #2 goes. If they reject me due to no dr. referral, I may try here. From the website their offices look really nice compared to #2 and #1.

#4 - Booked date TBD, April? Glowing Dr. reference, apparently lesbian couples who have gone love this guy but it looks a lot more intimate than the others. Nice website.

I'm thinking we should start earlier but the project I'm currently working on is huge and stressful and the most stressful part of it will be in June/July. That's why I had decided to wait until August for try #1. We have our first appointment in March so we'll have time to cycle monitor (perhaps more than needed).

What if it does take 5 or 6 or more tries? Is it worth starting at a high stress time?
My June will probably be 12 hour+ days running my ass of. It may calm down by July but I'm not sure. We may be able to start in July. If I started earlier (May?) and became pregnant would the stress of June be bad for the baby?

I've also realized that it won't be possible for us to sleep together when I'm pregnant. Our condo is just so small and our bed is against a wall. Right now I climb over D to get out. I obviously will have a hard enough time without climbing so either she'll have to climb over me (which doesn't sound fun either) or I'm going to have to move into the nursery on a twin bed.

The good news is the nursery will not be set-up (other than painting) until close to the end of my pregnancy. Although we are the type to buy a bunch of stuff we're really going to restrain.

Apparently, there are studies saying that fathers under 29 have 6x less chance of fathering a child with Autism than men over the age of 40.

Repromed Ltd boasts an average donor age of 31.

Autism scares the hell out of me. My nephew is suspected to be autistic and my cousins son was diagnosed a few years ago.

Maybe we should go back to Xytex where I'll be inseminated with college kid sperm.

I need to look into this more.

I got my period today. Marked it down to track my cycles. I usually do not care to record it.

I am eating like Mad today. I've been so good up until now. I haven't had a drop of diet coke or caffeine. I've been eating food that is good for me.

Today - I had 3 chocolate bars and a latte. Hold me back.

I knew that I craved foods during my period in the past but with generally poor eating habits it's never been so obvious. Now that I know it was just my period talking, I should be able to get back on track soon.

I told my co-worker friend today about our plans to conceive while we ate lunch at Pizza Pizza.

She seemed really excited for us.

The thing is, I've never really told her about "us" but she knew anyway.

Last night while out to dinner for D's bday we told our friends that we were starting the process. We've spoken about it for years and they have always asked questions and we've always kept them up to date.

Well, I guess they thought we were just talking.

They reacted poorly. They said we should get a dog instead. I don't know why they were so shocked.

Oh well.

A consultation has been booked at Clinic #1
Their website said I needed a referral but they didn't request that on the phone.

Our Doctor wants to do the insemination and although that seems too easy I need to find out what is best. This is going to be expensive and what if during a cycle she is on vacation, booked or not working that day? I'd rather be at a clinic where conception is their #1 business and goal so they are there when I need them and I do not miss an opportunity because I'm on their schedule.

Choices

This is a lot to think about.

I've joined the DSR (Donor Sibling Registry) . www.donorsiblingregistry.com I had never thought of half-sibs before. It's weired and scary. Could our child have 45 siblings? It seems that with the American banks that's possible.

Before reading the DSR message boards my opinion of our options was based on the services provided by the different Canadian Providers.

Can-Am Cryo has a lot of free info (including voice clips) which makes me feel more attached to their donors.

Xytex has a sample profile up that shows child and adult photos of the donor.

Both use American Sperm. Both have excellent profiles, pictures and the option for identity release (at the age of 18).

Repromed Ltd. the only Canadian Sperm bank does not offer Pictures of the donor (you get a collage with pieces of the face) and identity release is not an option in Canada.

Which would you choose?

But then... After reading the DSR I've seen and read things that makes me very uncomfortable with the US banks.

First, the number of possible siblings. How regulated is the use of Donor sperm? If only 30% of pregnancies are reported, and there are already 45 half-sibs on the registry, how many babies are there out there?

Articles about Genetic disorders being known (Fairfax) and donors not being pulled is terrifying. Can-Am Cryo uses sperm from this bank.

The idea of Sperm banks paying college students $75 a sample and college students using this as an income. Are they telling the truth on their profiles? Do they understand the implication of mass procreation with Donor Identity Release? Do I want my child to know that their Donor sperm came from a college kid who did it only for the money?

But then again, why would anyone do it? Except for the Money? In Canada the donors do not get paid. Ugh.

So after all of this research, Repromed Ltd in Toronto has come out on top. No, I will not have a picture to show my child and I will not hear a voice recording..... it's not a closed deal. I'm still considering Xytex but Fairfax is OUT. I will not use their services.

Happy New Year!

2007 is our year to make a baby.