A Brave Moment from a Scared Little Boy

This picture was not taken the day the event in this blog took place, but it captures the image that happened that night. 

The other day Jaron and I were sitting downstairs after a long, full day of family life and work and child rearing, just you know, relaxing and chatting and processing our day together, when I heard a gentle whimper from the top of the stairs. I couldn't quite recognize the voice, because it was so soft, but it was definitely calling my name softly and in a sad tone of voice. For some reason I knew immediately this was not a usual act of procrastinate bed time trickery. No, this was something I needed to check on. As I stood up to go see who the damsel in distress was, I heard Warner's voice say "Mom I'm really scared and I just don't want to sleep in my room. It's just so dark in there" and then, he began to cry. 

Now, I will be honest. This is not the first time a child has gotten out of bed in claims their room was too dark, but this is the first time that I actually felt like I should take it seriously. Usually a simple hall or bathroom light turned on is enough of a compromise to shew them swiftly back to bed, but this time I feared there was some reality behind his angst. 

So, I walked to the top of the stairs where I found Warner, blanket wrapped up and over his head crying, and scooped him in my arms and carried him down stairs. He's getting big now, but for a seven year old he's still a light weight, so thankfully I can still sometimes pretend like he's my baby again and cuddle him up.  I brought him down to where Jaron was sitting and held him in my lap with his blanket still wrapped securely up and around his face and back.  He was crying and rubbing his eyes and kept saying it was just so dark and he was scared. When I first asked him what he was afraid of he replied, "I don't know, I'm just afraid of the darkness in my room".  I told him that behind the darkness was the same things that were there when it was light. I reassured him he was so safe, and there was nothing bad lurking in those dark spaces of his room. 

He was not comforted. I then recalled a quick conversation that I had overheard Warner having about a scary story a friend had told him at school. Light bulb. Yay. So I said "Hey Warner, does this have anything to do with the story your friend was telling you at school?"I could hardly see his face because it was so hidden behind the blanket hood he was hiding in, but I saw him nod. 

He was rubbing tears out of his eyes.

Me- Warner, can you tell me what he told you?

Warner- No I don't want to think about it anymore, and talking about it will make it worse.

Me- Actually sometimes not talking about it makes it worse. In the darkness of your mind all alone it can grow and get scarier the more you hide and dwell on it. Talking to Dad and I about it can bring it out to the light, and we can speak truth about it and help you work through it. 

Jaron said a few words too, and after a few minutes of gentle coaxing Warner started talking. 

W- My friend Dillan told me a really scary at school. 

I won't tell you the details of the story because there is no need to, but basically the story was about a witch named Bloody Mary and of the things she did to the people in her village. 

At the end of his story his friend assured him that Bloody Mary was alive and looking for people to kill still today.  Note: all of this is pretty normal 7 year old boy behavior I would say. Looking for a reaction from some other gullible soul is their middle name.  

A few hours after Dillan had divulged this shocking tale to Warner they were playing at recess when Warner noticed a sucpicious light flashing from an empty car in the parking lot. I'm not sure if Dillan pointed it out, or whether it was from his own imagination, but somehow Warner had convinced himself that it was Bloody Mary in that car, waiting for him.  

Warner- "I was trying so hard not to cry Mom. So I went and told a recess teacher and she told me it wasn't true, and that the story wasn't true"

Me and Jaron both in different ways then basically said- Warner that is so so scary! I'm so sorry that you have been so afraid all day. I don't blame you for being afraid of the dark, I would be too if I heard a story like that and thought it was true. I'm so sorry Warner. Do you feel like the recess teacher was right, that the story isn't true? 

Warner- No I think the story is true. I know it is Mom. 

Jaron then led Warner through a serious of questions and answers about Bloody Mary with the goal of helping him lead to the logical conclusion of how fake this story was.  He also explained how common it is for kids to tell tales like this, and said they are all false!  

I could tell Warner was still unconvinced. No matter what we would say, this witch was real in his mind. So I thought of a different tactic. The brain is a powerful tool, especially when it is shocked by something horrific like that. It can come up with all sorts of horrible things. So I decided we needed to change the story that his mind was telling him at night as he lays there getting scared. 

Me- Warner, did you listen to what Dad said? 

Warner- Yes

Me- Do you believe him? That Bloody Mary is not real?
Warner- Shook his head.

Me- You still think she's real?

Warner- Nods

Me- What is the very worst fear you have in your head right now about bloody Mary?

Warner- That she is in my room hiding in the dark.

Me- Ok, now when that thought comes to your mind I want you incite someone else into your head. I want you to invite Jesus. I want you to imagine that Jesus is there with you in your room. Can you do that for me?  

Warner- Sure. 

Me- Ok. Thanks. Where do you think Jesus would stand in your room if the witch was there?

W- Right by me.

Me- That's right. Why would he stand by you?

Warner- Because he likes me.

Me- Because he loves you. What do you think he would do as he is standing there between you and the witch?

Warner- He would tell her to be good now, and to stop hurting people.

Me- I think that is exactly right Warner. Do you think he would ever let that witch hurt you if he was standing in your room too? 

Warner- No definitely not. 

Me- We know that Jesus loves His little children, and you are his little child, and he wants you to always be safe and happy. So, the next time this witch comes into your head, I want you to make sure you invite Jesus too. You can do this by reciting some articles of faith, or singing songs, or saying a prayer. You can do this by imaging pictures of him or stories of him, and he will be there. He will be there in your mind and he can help you to feel safe in your head.  I want you to imagine he has his arms around you and he is not going to let that witch hurt you ever. I want you to imagine that hearing him say to the witch "Get lost and never come in Warner's head again!" Can you try that? Can you try really hard to imagine that? 

Warner- Ok. 

Me- What is the cool thing we know about Jesus that is not true about the witch? 

Warner- That Jesus is real. 

Me- That's exactly right. How about the witch?

Warner- Whispers softly. "She's not real".

Me- No she's not. Not even a little. She never was, she never will be. 

I felt really good about this conversation and figured Warner was comforted. I was ready to pat myself and Jaron on the back and call it a night. Jaron earlier as Warner had been telling us the story was listening so well, and whenever Warner would get done speaking he would validate him and then say "Is there anything else Warner".  Warner kept giving us more descriptions this way. I loved Jaron's tactic and was so glad we were both there. 

Well, after we got done helping him through his thoughts, Warner, still hiding behind his blanket a little, and even gnawing on it a little bit, which I've never seen him do said to us "There's something else".

Warner- And it's the scariest part of all, but I can't tell you. I don't want to tell you, because your going to be mad at me. 

We were both so so grateful he opened this conversation up. It would have been so easy for him to just walk away, but there was something else. Something worse. Something bothering him, but he didn't think he could tell us. Of course we did what any parent would do, we promised him we wouldn't be mad and encouraged him to tell us, reminding him that parents are here to love you and help you and you should never keep secrets from them yada yada yada. 

It took several minutes before he finally nervously confessed. 

Warner- Mom, when you were doing violin with Liv in the music room the other day, I was thinking about Bloody Mary, and I just wanted to know if she was real, so I looked her up on the computer. 

Jaron and I immediately glanced at each other, and I'm sure both of us gasped silently. Very silently, because we wanted to be so careful to not scare Warner away from telling us. But we both know the dangers of the inter-webs, and up until now the Brown kids have been unscathed and innocent from it's dangerous. We have filters and safe searches and all sorts of things to protect our computer, but we know it's into enough. We know it's only a matter of time. That was all said in one simple glance between Jaron and I. Like "this is it, it's starting".  

Warner went on.

Warner- I typed in B L O D "cause I didn't realize it had two o's" Y M A R Y

And then her real name popped up at the top of the page, bloody mary with two o's and I pushed the link. 

Me- And what did you see Warner?

Warner- Well at first at the top of the page there were a bunch of pictures of this-uh-just like-this delicious-looking juice.

Me and Jaron- LOL Ah. Bloody Mary. Yes ok, it's a drink. What else did you see Warner?

He covered his head a little tighter with his blanket now, and covered his face with his hands and said

"I don't want to tell you. It is too scary", and then he started to cry. 

Jaron- Did you see a scary picture? 

Warner- Yes! And I can't get it out of my head. It was so scary. It was bloody mary just like my friend described her, but even worse, and now I know she is real. (Bawling now).

Jaron went over to the computer at this point to see what our son had seen, and it was indeed just as horrific as anything you can imagine, and not just for an innocent 7 year old boy whose scariest movie he's ever seen is Despicable Me 2.  It was horrifying to Jaron, who honestly has a pretty high tolerance for scary or violent things. He had goosebumps on his arms. I didn't want to see the picture, because I have a hard time with images and getting them out of my head too, so I took his word for it that it was pretty horrific.  

Poor poor child. He had been holding this scary story in all day, and now this horrific image. Well, images in.  Hollywood is so darn good at creating horrific, satanic, and nightmarish things that even our brains can't come up with look so so real.

Jaron walked over to Warner and scooped him up on his lap and said 

"I'm so sorry you saw that Warner. That is such a scary picture!" 

Me- Warner, thank you so so much for being brave and telling us! I'm so grateful you told us and I want you to know that you didn't mean to do anything wrong and you are not in trouble. We are not mad at all. We are only sad that you had to see that, and sad you have been scared all day holding this in.  You learned a hard lesson today, that the internet has some really scary things on it and we have to get Mom and Dad's help if we ever want to use it.  I'm so glad though again that you told us. I love you so much! I just want you always to be safe and to feel safe. 

Jaron reaffirmed everything I said and gave Warner a big hug too, and we also talked quite a bit about make up and photo editing and how people in the movie industry are really good at creating really scary looking things with those tools.  We reassured Warner that this picture was in every sense of the word fake and that he did not have to worry about Bloody Mary being real ever again. We told him if Dillan brings up any stories like that again just to say that they weren't true and to do something else instead. You never have to take part in something that makes you feel scared or in danger or yucky. Instead go do something that makes you feel good like wall ball or basketball with other friends.   

I then told Warner about Jr Safe Search on google, and before I finished telling him all about it I tried searching bloody mary on the google jr safe search to make sure it blocked the horrific pictures, and low and behold it did not, and up popped the most horrific images I've ever seen in my life. 

There really isn't any totally safe place on internet searches, and some subjects just are best left un-searched. 

I have vivid memories of going through similar things as Warner did this night, but never had I been exposed to such an image as this. The things I was scared of were things like the scary skating monkey guys on the Return to Oz, or the dragon on Sleeping Beauty. It pains me to think how much scarier things are out there and to pains me to think of the things my children are going to have to battle! Ug, but in the end, this was such a sweet and precious experience with Warner and it ended like this.  

Jaron- Warner would it be ok if we said a prayer together?

Warner- Nodded, and finally came out from under the blanket that had become a hood of safety to his sad face.  

He climbed out of Jaron's lap and we all knelt around the little stained and worn adiman that is in our family room.  Jaron prayed.  He thanked heavenly father that Warner told us what was on his mind. And he prayed that Warner would be comforted at night and that the image would get out of his head. He prayed that Warner would feel God's love, and feel safe.  

After he said Amen, he asked Warner if he wanted to say prayer as well. Warner said he did, and he said the sweetest little prayer. Short and sweet, but so sincere. When he got done he looked up at us and said "Mom, I just want to say that I'm grateful I told you". And then he got powdered. (Hoopes term for, feeling slightly bashful about his happiness and trying to hide it in the form of a half smile). 

After Warner divulged what he saw on his internet search, a sweet peace swept over him, and we could see his countenance was looking better. With this off his chest we were able to comfort him, but more importantly the holy ghost was comforting him. We could all feel it's presence there. It was so special to share that experience together that night.

This is life, right here. These moments are what make it. I'm happy I get to be a part of this university called family where we learn so much from each other and grow. In spite of of our many imperfections as parents, it's good to feel like maybe we are doing something right. 

I hope this experience for Warner lays the foundation for open communication with us, and I have a feeling this will not be the last time he has a confession which involves the dark corners of the internet, it's just the nature of the world we live in these days. I'm so glad he ended feeling comforted and good. That's all that matters. 

Sweet, sweet babies

Is there is anything sweeter than cradling a sleepy new born head in the palm of your hand? I'm not sure there is.   

This weekend I got to meet my sweet and darling new niece, Lucy. I spent as much time as I could holding her, and when she fell asleep on me it opened up that happy part of my brain with all of those happy glowing memories of my own sleepy babies.  

Lucy is the fourth child of a beautiful family. Her Momma is busy taking care of a school aged child, a preschooler, and a busy toddler. She's exhausted and has more to do than the day lends time for, yet she's holding her head up high and doing it all like a champ. 

It's always amazing to me how quickly I move into the next phase of my life without hardly looking back. It feels as if it was a life time ago that I roamed around my house like a sleep deprived mummy wreaking of breast milk and baby poop, and trying my best to hold my head up like a champ and figure out what to feed the kids besides cold cereal for the umpteenth time in a row for dinner.

So, I had to take a moment today to look back at these precious babies of mine, and all of the sudden it feels like it was just yesterday. 

Thank you memories. 

Thank you Lucy. 

              

                     

 

Busterisms

A few days ago, we (The Brown family) were camped out at this place in The Redwood National State Forest (which is an experience worthy of it's own blog entry, but I'll save that for some future date that I won't commit to right now) and we were just walking up to the forest ranger at his little kiosk to pay for our spot and ask him some questions. The State Park employee was a 20-ish year old, curly haired boy (you know your getting old when you start calling 20 year old's "boy's") working inside the kiosk. As always when interacting with people, strangers in particular, with Buster at my side, there is a fear of what outcome and reactions will result after Buster's vocal observations and judgments have been made.  In the past, I'm afraid his innocent inquisitions to strangers have more often than not, left me pink in the cheeks, deeply embarrassed, and stuck in tricky and awkward situations. 

Luckily, however, on this day, the humor of the situation outweighed the minimal embarrassment. Woo.  

So, back to the story. After Jaron had paid for our campsite, he began asking which sort of hikes the lad would recommend for a young family.  I couldn't help but notice, that as usual when meeting knew people, Buster's eyes were lazered in on this new person, and the wheels were turning. The moment Jaron and the worker stopped talking, Buster seized his moment (and as I held my breath) ,looking directly up at the worker he said, "Um, Do you have a job"?! His tone of voice was hilariously condescending. It was clear that Buster did not think that standing in that kiosk all day every day was was worthy of being called "a job".  

The ranger laughed, and replied "Why yes I sure do. This is my job". "Oh", Buster said. Then placing his hand on his hip, and cocking it to one side he asked "Well, then who are you in charge of?"  I swear, I don't know where he gets his boldness from! 
Luckily, the boy found being interrogated by a five year old amusing, and he gave a hearty laugh and said "Well, no one really, I just make sure everyone is playing by the rules that stays here". Thankfully, that seemed to satisfy Buster for the time being. 

Then, a few minutes later after we were already walking away from the kiosk, the curly haired lad ran after us to return an item that we had dropped (go figure). Buster was startled by this, and after the boy was already on his way back to the kiosk, Buster whispered thoughtfully , "Hu! So, he does come out of there sometimes". Warner looked at Buster and said "Who are you talking about Buster?" To which Buster replied confidently "The. . . the . . . you know, the professional".  (Note, I have never heard him use this word before so that in and of itself was hilarious). What five year old uses the word professional?!  

He went on to try to explain further who he was referring to. "Yea, the professional. That guy".  Thoroughly amused I asked "Buster, what is he a professional of?" to which Buster thought for a moment, looked back toward the kiosk, and said "He's a. . . a. . . a professional (long pause). . . human"! Then, he stopped walking, looked back toward the long curly haired worker in the kiosk once again, started shaking his head from side to side in a "no" direction and said "No. Actually he's a professional woman. Yea. He's a professional woman".  

I literally laughed so hard I peed. But that's really not saying much seems how I've birthed four children. 

Kids. They provide the best free entertainment, don't they? 

Here he is enjoying the last of his ice cream cone at the Tillamook Cheese factory in Oregon, and he is just about to get really upset, because Ruby has taken his napkin and ripped it.  

My Pendulum

I love these little people who I get to hang out with during the day. These pictures were not taken today,  but they are a good idea of what today was like.

It seems to me like life is such a pendulum. Sometimes the pendulum is all the way to the right where I feel energetic, happy, blessed and motivated. Other days it seems to swing the other direction and I feel unmotivated, tired, emotional and overwhelmed.

There is also the motherhood-sanity pendulum. When it's all the way to the left, which seems to kind of be where it has spent a little too much time in the last year, I feel a bit overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed. Yet then it does most assuredly swing to the other side, where the days seem to be so sweet, precious and peaceful. And there is of course always the in between. Side to side. Up and down. Over all life is definitely up and even in my downs I still feel the greatness of the blessings around me.

Well today I'm happy to report was a really great day. The pendulum swung towards peace, simplicity, and contentment. Though the pendulum is not easily controlled by just one person, I do think we are the main magnetic forces for our own pendulums, not always, by usually. So why was today so great? How did I swing my pendulum to the happy side?  For me, for this one day, this is what worked; I decided to just keep it simple. I got the older two off to school, and made sure the only thing on my to do list today was this "Take care of your children". So, we got outside. We exercised. We ate good healthy meals. We took a bath. We read books and worked on reading skills, and we even took a nap snuggled up together.  I was able to sit down and study my scriptures and journal a little bit. We had fun and played. And it was. . .  GLORIOUS. Patience was not my struggle today. Love flowed so easily and freely. Instead of trying to balance 50 things at once, I only balanced one, and that was the kids. The result? Happy kids. Happy me, and, drum roll please. . . a MESSY house. Worth it? ABSOLUTELY.  Can I do this everyday? Nope, but should I start doing it more often. Yep.

It has been a long time since I have had a day like this. Which is why I'm writing this down, so I can remember how I can control my own pendulum at least a little by letting things go. By focusing on the simple, yet most important things in my life. Granted there can be days where even if I just focused on my kids they could still be cranky and whinny and it could be a really exhausting and very no good terrible day, which is why I mention the pendulum is not always in our hands, but today it worked out seamlessly and it was so delicious to my soul.