Summer is NOT almost here. It's over. School isn't even almost here. It's started. I don't blog much.

Charlotte is loving middle school. Because we drive her cousin Luke in the morning, she hasn't noticed that she is nervous. Isn't that awesome? She just cruised right on into sixth grade. Thank you, LUKE!

Claire is in 5th, and happy to be ruling the school. I suspect the workload and pace is causing her to struggle, but she doesn't say much. I'm working on that.

Gabe is "fine" with 2nd grade. He's "fine" with absolutely anything you try to ask to solicit any information whatsoever. He's crazy obsessed with Minecraft, though, so I hear about that for hours ad nauseum.

I'm exhausted. I can't get enough done in the 7 hours there are no kids at home. What the what?

That's it.

Summer's almost here

It's the last week of school. I feel panicky. What about structure?! What about chores?! What about fun?! What about my personal private time?! I'm unprepared!!!

Charlotte's elementary career is all but complete. She has had her Business Fair: she made and sold out of magnetic bookmarks; she has had her 5th Grade Celebration: 7 - 11pm at Iron Cross gym where she had a Bah-LAST!; she has had her final hand chimes concert: totally awesome and impressive; she has had her yearbook signing day. What is left? A couple more days of raising and lowering the flags, a couple more school lunches (I refuse to buy lunch food to pack), and the bringing home of all the leftover supplies. EGAD.

Claire and Gabe are excited about school ending. They are excited about their pipe dreams of seeing all their friends this summer. They are excited about it all. And they show their excitement by constantly bickering and picking at each other. I hate those guys.

I've signed them all up for the library reading club, as usual. Since we read Harry Potter out loud almost every day, those trophies are in the bag. We are on the fifth book, by the way, and I am struggling to make up and then remember the voices (including accents) of all the various characters. At least they recognize Snape every time they hear him, and that makes me feel ridiculously proud.

Gabe is the only one taking swim lessons this year, and they don't start until July. The girls want to take acting camp. I have yet to sign them up. No vacations planned yet, but that doesn't mean we have ruled them out. Mostly it means we won't ever plan anything and then it's too late, but I like to hold out hope.

We have been doing a TON of work on the house that has culminated in a gorgeous new living room (as yet unpainted). Prepare y'allselves:

New floors! New trim! New furniture! New curtains! New paint on the built-ins!

Here's another view:

That fan has gotta go. 

And just because I know y'all are all interested...

I'm blonde again, finally!

Venting

Feelings are tough. I have them, I can't figure them out. Or, more to the point, make them go away. I learned a friend of mine just lost his brother suddenly, like we lost Craig, and I was overcome with sadness and agitation. Sadness, I get. Agitation - I guess from wanting to help or take action, but there is nothing to do. Just send a note of love and sadness. Just pray a lot for them. I did those things. But I've been sad and agitated since yesterday morning when I found out. I feel like I'm supposed to do something, but there is nothing. And so instead I'm hating feelings.

I am weighed down by science fair. Two kids, both doing PARTNER projects, all due tomorrow.

I am overcome by lethargy about my house, chores, grocery shopping, meal planning and making, cleaning, laundry, showering, everything. I haven't gotten my mail for a week.

I feel bad about myself for no pin-pointable reason.

I have therapy today, don't worry. I am just hoping that writing it down gets some of it out of me and makes room for less blah to come out and play.

It's amazing what a girl can accomplish (when she sleeps from 8am to 2pm)

A couple loads of laundry
A mopped kitchen floor
An emptied and reloaded dishwasher
A trip to the grocery store
A homemade dinner of chicken enchiladas

If only I slept all day every day!

Also, following up on last post:
The car is repaired
The dishwasher is repaired
The foundation is repaired YEEEHAW!!!!!

Our hearts are still broken. It feels like forever and no time at all since I last saw Craig. I am full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father that He has sent peaceful times and restful feelings to relieve the constancy of grief. I am grateful I have a testimony that our souls are eternal and we will meet again. I am grateful for the comfort of family, of being close to Jessie, of spending holiday time with the Ruggles and strengthening our family ties. I love the Lord.

In other news, my hormones are whack, yo. Bloodwork showed a bum thyroid, wacky pituitary, and rebellious ovaries. Egad. So, I'm on a couple of lifelong meds for thyroid and pituitary, and I will revisited those pesky ovaries in February. Hopefully they are just reacting to the other two's bad behavior, and once those guys are in line, they will straighten out on their own. We shall see. The moral of the story is that now I have medical documentation for why I am constantly tired, can't remember anything, can't focus, and am losing my hair rather than my belly weight. We are calling it Fat Old Lady Syndrome (FOLS, for short).

The Christmas tree is still up. My clothes bar fell down during the foundation repair - also known as the loudest and shakiest experience I've ever had - and I haven't even touched the mess. I've got shelves to mount. I have a library book that was due December 12th. Hopefully I feel motivated to take a crack at some of that tomorrow.

And now I must say that I've been watching NCIS while typing this, and I love that little McGee. Hang in there, Tim, we are all rooting for you. (Any of you who are NOT rooting for Tim need to keep that mess to yourself. This here blog is a No Place for NCIS Hate.)

A month after losing Craig

Well, really sad, that's what it's like. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday, and I was really sad the whole day.

Regular life has continued. Meals, chores, schoolwork. Thanksgiving was a blessing, as usual, with family and cooking and eating. I feel scattered and unable to focus many days. I think it has to do with the loss of that false sense of security that we have around us telling us we are all okay and safe. It isn't that I don't feel safe; it's just that I feel no guarantee that myself or anyone I love will live throughout the day every single day. Nice, right?

I have a strong testimony in the resurrection and restoration of our family, and that is so comforting. I don't doubt it, not for a second. God lives. Christ lives. We will all live again. This life is not the end of our existence or our relationships. The church is true.

I am usually struggling this time of year due to the hectic rush of the season, anyway, so I guess that isn't new. I feel behind in all preparation and planning for school, for Christmas, for everything. I keep telling myself it isn't a big deal, and since I really believe that, I can usually set the feeling on the back burner and leave it for awhile. But it creeps back up on me, the creepy creeper.

I often can't think what to do with my time. That has been since the beginning of the school year when I had no kids at home and no preschool to teach. I like having the time available to spend with Jess and family or just work on my personal challenges, but I wonder what "real" people do with their time. PS - don't say cleaning, because I'm not interested.

I also can't think what to eat, ever. All food seems like a booby trap. Isn't that weird? Well, I'm drinking Coke again (Gabe said, 'Finally!" when he found out, that stinker), and that only hurts my appetite, but even before it was difficult to pick food. Weird, I know.

The dishwasher is broken. The kitchen is a sty.

The foundation is broken. It will be repaired in a month.

The car is broken. I'm pretending it isn't and carrying on.

I miss Craig. I am mind-boggled that he is dead. Mind-boggled.

Families Are Forever. And Ever and Ever and Ever.

I made this for my sister-in-law Jessica Ruggles. Her husband, Andy's dear brother, my sweet brother-in-law Craig passed away suddenly on Sunday, November 3rd. Since there isn't a language invented yet to express the agony and fear, the sorrow and regret, the grief and heartache, I won't write about it here. What I know is that Jessica is still married to Craig. They were sealed for time and all eternity in the temple of our Lord with His priesthood power. They may not be in the same room right now, but they are tied together with powers stronger than earthly materials and love deeper than physical measurements can assess. She is his, and he is hers, and they will find a way to navigate this new chapter in their relationship with the help of a most merciful and loving Father in Heaven.

I made this picture while listening to the song Craig and Jess danced to at their wedding. The lyrics are so beautiful. Please enjoy it here and then go snuggle up to those you love:

Oh, Gabe! You kill me!!!

It's Red Ribbon Week at school. You know, so the kids are all pumped up about being drug-free. And pumped up they are. Each day they have a different theme to wear with some kitchy phrase to remind them to be drug-free. For example, yesterday they wore neon because they are too bright to take drugs, got it?

So, my Gabe. So excited. All week talking about drug-free, drug-free, drug-free. And then, yesterday, during his sweet morning prayer while we were driving to school, he just got a little confused, and prayed,

"Dear Heavenly Father, Help us to have a good day, and to have good dreams, and to have free drugs."

OH MAN! I almost wrecked the dang car! I was laughing so hard, and trying so hard not to let him know I was laughing so hard, because honestly that is the sweetest prayer, but HILARIOUS!!!

Craptober, so far, is more of an Okaytober. I thank the universe for that

We had the annual Green Family campout, wherein my family left a day early and therefore missed the big rainout. Ha! Score one for us!

We had General Conference, which I am now basing our Family Home Evening lessons on, so I feel less like I'm just sorta swarming around and more like I have a direction. Point 2.

We had our Primary Program. It is most likely Charlotte's very last one ever as her birthday is at the beginning of October, and our ward usual has the program after that. Touching. She wrote a talk all by herself about her testimony of prayer. She was very nervous to start (sinking down behind the podium until the wonderful Primary president talked her back to a standing position), but she was clear-spoken and did a great job. As did the other two with their lines, and all of them had great success singing in their small groups. Point 3!

The shorter days are catching up to my good spirits, and this is even before the time change (November 3rd, people, don't forget). I'm trying to overcome by tapping into my kids' happy feelings about the "cool Autumn breezes" as Gabe puts it. They like not being sweltering at the playground during recess. Since it is still in the mid-70s during the hottest part of the day, I am not in that panicky cold-weather place. I still wear long sleeves, though, because I am cold-natured and stubborn to boot.

It's only 6pm, but I desperately want to close my eyes for about an hour. But I know if I just push through, I can have the kids down early (since it is darker outside, they don't question me. Ha! Point 4!), and then watch "Sleepy Hollow" (the series) and "Blacklist" on tv. I can eat candy and drink the two sodas that I found rolling around next to the up-ended cooler on the back patio. I can fall asleep on the couch if I want. Or I can read them another chapter of Harry Potter, which I should probably do before they forget where we are in the story. Yeah, that sounds good.

Is it too early to call it "Craptober?"

Probably, but I feel pessimistic. That ain't a good way to start the month.

Nothing to report, really. Gabe keeps saying cute things, but I'm so tired that I keep forgetting them. Alas. Just remember that he says really cute things.

George and I fight a lot. That bunny. Apparently he thinks he should have the run of  the downstairs, and when I pen him up, he pouts and ignores me. Rude.

Our house is cracking into three pieces. Foundation repair on the horizon.

Fall allergy season. I've had it easy, except today I'm feeling sneezy. That wasn't intended as a poem, but I'll go with it. Because my lunch has made me queasy. I think my burger was too cheesy.  Wish I had a legit reason to use "sleazy."

Still can't force myself to do any hobbies. Except play Candy Crush on my phone. And watch tv. No reading. No sewing. No smiling. I guess that last one I could try. In fact, I do try every day. I make it a point to be smiling as I pull into the car pickup line at school. I like my kids to have a shot at a happy afternoon. They like it. I can tell because they smile and wave as I pull up. That feels good. Good mom point for me.

I have to scrounge up some dinner. I have to put away yesterday's groceries. I have to make like a million appointments. That makes me want to go to sleep under the desk. Which reminds me of Gabe's cute thing he said today. He decided to do his homework sitting on the floor of my room under my desk with a box to support his paper. He said, 'It's like my own little office." Never mind the desk he has in the actual office. It was cute anyway. But only a little, because he had just had a fit over writing a sentence using his spelling word "has."

Gabe: "It just doesn't make sense, Mom. 'I has...?'"

Mom: " You are right. It makes no sense like that. Why don't you try using it in a sentence about another person."

Gabe: "Mom! Ugh! I don't KNOW another person! It's too hard!!!"

Mom: "Really. You know no other person. At all. Not one. You are all by yourself right now. You gave yourself that homework assignment. I think not."

Gabe: "I can't do it!"

Mom: "Then you will suffer the consequence. I will think it up now."

Gabe: "How do I spell, 'Dad has a job?'" 

Mom: "Great sentence, bud. Sound it out yourself. In another room, please."

See how the office thing isn't so cute after that? Because it isn't really in another room. You see how he did that? Gabe and George. They are both against me.

That's it. Pancakes for dinner.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sucktember

Well, that about sums it up.

Andy was out of town 17 days. The days he was in town, he was not home. The days he was at home, he was working in his office. It. Was. Rough. PS - ALL of the trips were over weekends. Not a single weekend home. I had high hopes for the last one, but I was bamboozled by non-updating technology and there was indeed a trip where no trip appeared on my Google calendar on my phone. We are back to a paper calendar due to the extent of my irritation. A girl likes to know how much energy she is rationing out. I was sorely lacking.

Now, though, I am feeling a little better. It appears Andy will be in town most of October, which is a relief. I have been doing my morning routine created by FlyLady, so I feel somewhat productive and the house is under control, at least for us. I am preparing for the church's bi-annual General Conference plus Charlotte's eleventh birthday this weekend. Chocolate cake, so nothing too fancy. I guess she is being merciful after Claire's rainbow debacle. I can't read or sew or anything these days, I don't know why. I'm leaving that comma splice in there even though it is bothering me.

Today I took McDonald's up to the school for all of my kids in honor of Charlotte's birthday. I also took brownies to her class. And since Claire's birthday was before school began, I took cookies to her class as well. They no longer let me sit at the class cafeteria table with my babies. They now have a "parent" table where your child plus one friend can come sit with you. A little ostracizing, but whatever. At least it is easier to ignore the calls for total silence from the cafeteria wardens. Nobody is going to tell me I can't talk to my kid I'm eating lunch with. Charlotte and Claire share a lunch time, so I sat with them both and their friends (Chloe for Claire and Sydney for Charlotte). Chloe told Claire I am more fun than her mom. Which isn't true because her mom gave her an American Girl birthday party at the store in the private room where the girls ordered lunch off a menu and everything. But it was during the summer, and kids like what is right in front of their faces more than anything else, so. It still felt good. Gabe didn't invite a friend to sit with us because Jade invited herself. She is my friend from his kindergarten class who held my hand the entire field trip I went on. She loves me. Gabe didn't care. He didn't care about anything besides his Batman happy meal toy. Anyway, it was all a fun time. I even sneaked off to the book fair between lunches and bought these sweet babies:

Man, I LOOOOVE these books!
Well, I guess I need to start dinner. Chicken or tacos. Grumble grumble grumble.

How Summer Ended, or Crash And Burn

It sucked, that's how it ended. It was a miasma of bickering and whining and moping and had a two-week no-electronics grounding grande finale. Egad.

The good stuff was getting school supplies, because that is always fun; meeting the teacher, because that is exciting; and having the Wolfs come spend one last day with us, which included my daughters screaming at crying at each other, so not fun at all. Egad. Again.

However, school has now begun, and THAT is good stuff. It is a busy year because Charlotte is in fifth grade - her final year in elementary school - and, boy, is she making it count! She signed up to be on the flag guard, so I take her half an hour early each day to put up the flag. She signed up for hand chimes, so I will pick her up an hour late once a week. She also signed up for book club, so that is two other late pick-ups a month. She submitted a drawing for the yearbook cover. She volunteered to be Zero the Hero for the kindergartners. She is living the dream.

Claire also signed up for hand-chimes. She will go early with Charlotte once a week. She is happy happy happy with her classmates and her teachers and her backpack and her sporty-school-self (that is her own identification. Apparently she just feels sportier at school). She already attended a fun swim birthday party with about half the fourth grade in attendance. She, along with Charlotte, is deeply into reading, and they both work on two or three novels at a time.

Gabe is handling first grade as well as can be expected. He whines about the work, but then he easily completes it and brags that it was so dang easy. He informed Liz he has been mad at Coach Hall in P.E. "since kindergarten," and he keeps getting nonfiction books about animals from the library and making me read them. Ugh.

OH - here's the other big news...

WE GOT A BUNNY! His name is George. Craig and Jess got him for the kids' combined 2013 birthday and Christmas present. We love that little guy. He's a dwarf Holland lop eared brown and white little funny bunny of cuteness. He's litterbox trained and learning to come on command (with strawberries). The kids are bonkers for him. Me too. The kids call him my furry baby. I can't help it. He's really adorable and fun. He hates to be picked up but he loves to snuggle and play. He eats all sorts of veggies and hay and pellets which Charlotte has taken to feeding him twice a day. I am the only one who cleans his cage, but once back-to-school settles down, they will get the pleasure of that chore as well. Thank goodness it isn't hard. I'll post pix some time when I actually take pix. OH - I can post the video of the kids receiving George. It's short and very sweet, with me (according to Sarah very rudely) telling Andy to get out of the way, so ignore that part. I was just trying to work my camera video thing on my phone.

Summer - Part Deux: Claire turned nine

Well, we had Claire's ninth birthday. Her daddy was out of town that day, a Tuesday, but our friends the Wolfs were staying over (which happened a couple times this summer and which we loved the most). So, she actually had a week-long birthday extravaganza. My brother-in-law Jared would tell you that is not any different from a regular Grover birthday, but whatev. On her actual-factual birthday, Claire chose all the places we ate. I believe it was donuts for breakfast and McDonald's AT the pool for lunch, and Chili's for dinner. Then when her daddy got home the next day, she chose Cheddar's for another celebratory dinner. Then on Sunday we had her family party at Mom's and Dad's, so more birthday. She wanted a My Little Pony cake. I picked a fabulous rainbow design with rainbow colored layers. It was a massive fail of epic proportions. Although she said it would be fine and would probably taste better than it looked (thanks, babe), I didn't feel ok about it at all. So, I left a huge mess in my parents' kitchen (they were out of town) and went home to sleep off the anger and disappointment I felt. I got up early the next morning to bake a much less adventurous cake. Then I went to my folks early before the party to clean up, but GUESS WHAT: Whittney and Jon had already cleaned the whole thing!!!! I was ridiculously grateful. So, I made subpar frosting and let Claire and her siblings decorate the plain old 13x9 cake themselves with M&Ms and tiny My Little Pony figures.

Cake Fail. This was supposed to be a half-round cake standing on it's cut edge, you know, like a rainbow. And the ponies were all along the top. But then it slumped. And slumped and slumped. And ran off the edges of the plate. And the ponies slid down down down. It was a disaster. And after all the time I spent making seven different rainbow cake layers. Including indigo. INDIGO, PEOPLE!

Here is the plain vanilla cake in a pan that these kids decorated with rainbow colored M&Ms. You can see how much more they prefer this particular version. I'll try to do better next year, Claire :(