Crossroads

This morning was a tough one with Lewis. "I don't want to wear this shirt! My socks are bugging me!" I attempted to deflect his complaints by changing the subject, "Hey Lew, let's work on your poems. Don't you get a sucker if you finish one?" It worked for a few minutes as he colored his homework but within minutes he was back to the same complaints, "These socks are SO annoying!" That's when I started to breathe deeply and think of all the things I love about Lewis. "Mom, these socks are too small! I need different socks." (Breathe) "Okay buddy, we can get different socks. No big deal." Within minutes of getting his new socks on and tying up his shoes for the second time the doorbell rings...hallelujah! After sending him off with his best friend, Abel and his cute Mom, Kate, I had Alexa play, "George Michael's 'Freedom'" at volume ten. haha. If that song doesn't date me then I don't know what would.

I only have five months with Lewis before I send him off to kindergarten. 150 days?! There are many days that I feel really sad about this chapter coming to a close. There are other days that I am more than ready. But then the thought comes, "What am I going to do?" There's the obvious list: go the gym, nap, write in your journal, paint the baseboards, clean out the closet under the stairs, etc. After that, then what? Am I going to go back to school for a Masters? Go to work with Brandon in real estate? Substitute teach? Volunteer for a nonprofit? What is the best use of my time? What will bring me joy and fulfillment? What will best serve my family? I know Brandon's answer: Come work with me! You could be a property manager and we could hang out more! It would be fun! (Ps: he's THE cutest and of course that's tempting but is it the right path)? Then I think, "Joan, try something for six months/a year maybe and then decide if you want to keep going or do something different. It's not like you can't change your mind."

It's an interesting time for sure. I've been pregnant, nursing, potty training and raising boys for the past 15 years. I'm not great with change. I like routine, I like going into things with my eyes wide open. Bottom line: as much as I hate to admit this, I like control. Not that I don't have control over the next chapter in my life but it's uncharted territory and that's simultaneously exciting and scary. Ultimately, and especially after this morning, I say: Bring it! I'm ready for what lies ahead...

Therapy

It's been two years since I have taken the time to write an update. I don't feel sad about it because Instagram has taken care of brief updates and photos. Strangely though I miss writing. I don't miss writing the travel log or a quick report about a piano recital or the science fair. I miss allowing my thoughts to spill freely onto the page with the rapid tap of the keyboard. Each word appearing on the page clearing the cobwebs from my mind and allowing me to focus and feel, process and ponder. Giving myself the permission to write without a particular assignment is liberating. So, here I am sitting, thinking. It's as if I'm becoming reacquainted with an old friend.

I remember participating in a writer's workshop at Utah Valley University about 10 years ago. After the conference I spent the next several months writing well over 100 pages of a novel that I felt passionately about. I sacrificed hours of sleep every night so I could sit in the dark and let my fingertips work without distraction. Although unfinished, Brandon decided to print it and even include a fake review from Oprah along with a biography and photo of the author on the inside cover. Maybe some day I will finish it simply for my own satisfaction of having completed the project.

Alas, I hear my boys peeling down the neighborhood on their bikes, wind blowing through their blonde hair, smiling at the prospect of their afternoon of freedom. I delight in listening to their conversations as they empty their backpacks of papers and half eaten lunches. Hopefully I will be back soon to write simply for the sake of writing. Until then...

Brandon's Birthday

Happy 35th Birthday to this hunk of burnin' love!

This year we celebrated Brandon's birthday snow shoeing and playing in Utah.

 I always try to spoil Brandon for his birthday but honestly, he's so easy to please that I probably shouldn't try as hard because I don't think he's ever been disappointed on his birthday. haha.

He loves practical gifts and any kind of unusual knives. He collects them and is always excited to add a new one to his collection.

I have no doubt that 35 will be a year filled with adventure and success! 

I love you Kope!

The Magic of Christmas

 

We welcomed Miss Winnie the Whoodle into our home this Christmas. It was such a marvelous Christmas surprise. The boys woke up Christmas morning and opened their stockings. Then we all got ready for church and went to a special Sacrament meeting. 

Afterward the boys were so excited to return home and open all their Christmas gifts. We told them we had to stop by and visit a friend first. They complained for a moment but quickly got distracted.

After twenty minutes of driving they stared to complain again. What are we doing?! Why is this taking so long? 

We finally arrived at John and Linette Soldo's house (Brandon knows John from work) and had the boys stand outside the car in a line before entering the home. They walked up and opened a sliding door to a room with 23 puppies inside! 

Needless to say, they were dumbfounded. We then told them that we were going to take one home after another week of her being with her mom.

The boys couldn't believe it.

We spent the next twenty minutes playing with Winnie. 

Nan and Aunt Jess were there with us too.

 

Here are the boys in their Christmas Sunday best.

I found their matching bow tie and suspender sets at a Costco returns store in Utah with Sue. Their American flag pins are from Grandpa Oren and Grandma Jeanine. 

 

We met Santa at Chick fil a for dinner one night. He was the dearest, sweetest Santa. He kept telling Lewis how proud he was of him. It was so darling.

 

Love this photo of the boys with Santa.

He even had glitter in his beard!

Such a treat snuggling up these two and reading them a story. 

We love when our Court comes to visit us!

Merriest Christmas to all!

Benny Turns 6

 

Dearest Benson,

You love to make people feel loved. Often, when things are quiet in the house and I don't know where you are, I'll find you at my desk making a card for someone in the family. You take time to make little cut outs and color every inch. You don't quit until you've covered every last detail. You are so thoughtful and tender hearted, my son.

You take great care in helping Lewis. You grab his little hand in the parking lot to make sure he's safe without any prompting from me. It amazes me every time how aware of him you are. Sure, you fight and hit and argue like any brothers do but ultimately, I know he is your best buddy.

I love watching you grow in courage and confidence. You are naturally shy and reserved but with small effort you are able to reach out and make many friends. You are a leader in the classroom. You work harder than anyone I know your age. Your teacher, Mrs. Havens tells me she uses your work as the example for the class almost every time because you deliver the best work. She can always count on you to be on task and doing your best.

I love you so much it hurts (that probably doesn't make sense to you right now but you'll understand when you're a daddy one day). I hope you have the happiest birthday my boy.

Love, Love, Love,

Mom

Lewie Turns 3 with a Thomas Party!

Several months ago (some time in July, I think) I told Lewis that he could have a train that he was begging for at Barnes and Noble when we threw his  third birthday. Little did I know that my attempt to get him out of the store without caving and buying the train or him throwing a horrendous tantrum would haunt me from that moment forward! 

After my comment about his party the only thing out of his mouth from then on was, "Mom, where'd my 'birtday go? I have a 'birtday yummy Thomas cake?" (Repeat, repeat, repeat)!

It was exhausting! 

Needless to say, I realized that his obsession would not go away and I thought, "Why not?! Let's throw this kid a birthday party four months early!"

Here is his REAL Thomas party (take 2) with his best buddies: Dillon, Abel and Logan. We rode the train, played at the park, ate pizza and cake and had a Thomas pinata. 

Funny story about the pinata: He would not hit it with the bat. He walked up to the pinata (shaped like Thomas--pretty much his best friend) and did not have the heart to beat him with a bat even if it involved free candy. Bless his heart.

This is Lewis with one of his best buddies named Burton. Lewis is so acutely aware of his friends. He notices when they are unhappy or upset. He is concerned about them and makes an effort to help them feel loved and happy. So emotionally aware for such a young boy.

 

This face. Oh how I love my fiery, fierce passionate boy. Nothing melts my heart more than when Lewis asks, "Mom, do you want to watch a show and snuggle me?"

The answer is, "Yes Lewis." Every. Single. Time.

It was such a treat to have Grandma and Grandpa with us for the birthdays. We love when they come to visit! It was lovely to have them celebrate Benny and Lew's birthdays and enjoy this beautiful weather with us.

Halloween 2016

 

This was probably my favorite Halloween ever. My childhood all time most cherished Disney princess movie is "Sleeping Beauty." I remember one summer watching it every day with my cousin Helen. We argued back and forth about which color Aurora's dress was at the end when the book closes. 

"It's BLUE!"  Helen would shout.

"NO! It's PINK!" I would yell back.

So, needless to say dressing up as Maleficent was wayyyy too much fun. Brandon is supposed to be King Stephen...although he turned out to have a little Elton John/Vegas flair. That was not intentional. haha.

Max is dressed up as his favorite soccer played, Lionel Messi, Lew is a lion, Benny is Mario and James is Slenderman.

I get excited when Halloween comes every year because I know that means that Christmas is right around the corner...

Happy Halloween!