Hmm....pathetic, I know!

I have been a lousy blogger recently and what is worse, there are actually things for me to blog about--which rarely happens for me.

Anyway, we've been in Oregon for almost 3 weeks now and are having a lot of fun. While Joe has suffered at home, moving our stuff out and getting our house move-in ready, all while studying for the biggest test of his life (the BAR) we have been camping, swimming, jumping on the trampoline, visiting family and friends and relaxing. I am really starting to feel a tiny speck of the pressure he must be feeling and am really feeling badly that we've left him alone for so long to take care of so much. I know, though, that he is a tough, smart, level-headed guy and is handling the pressure MUCH better than I would be. Nevertheless, if you all wouldn't mind keeping him in your prayers, it would be greatly appreciated.

We found someone that we love to rent our house in Utah, which is not as wonderful as selling would have been, but we are happy none-the-less. Heather, my sister, and I took a long weekend and flew out to North Carolina to find a house for us to move into. After driving around for two days, watching my ankles swell to the size of grapefruits (Pitted Edema, it's lovely...) and starting to feel the pressure, we found our house and knew it the second we walked in. It's a beautiful, new home at the end of a cul-de-sac, out in the country, with lots of room for the kids to play and I couldn't be happier. As always, just when I had lost hope of not only finding our house, but being able to pay for our house (looooong story) everything fell into place and our home will be waiting for us when we get there. I am beginning to realize that faith is a VERY difficult concept for me to grasp and if I would only learn from the past, I would save myself all kinds of stress.

We will be heading back to Utah in about a week to pick up our things from storage and say our "See you laters" and leave a week later. I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that when we get to Utah, it will be for a visit and when I leave, it will be for a long time. I have made and renewed some of the best friendships I could ever imagine during our time in Utah and it makes me really sad to think of going long periods of time without seeing them, not hanging out on the grass in front, working on our tans, while all the kids in the neighborhood run around us, entertaining themselves. As I write this, in fact, I am working to fight back the tears and have to force myself to remember that the friends I made and the friendships made stronger over the last 3 years are the ones I will have forever. I will really only be saying, "See you later" and not "Goodbye."

On a less depressing note, let's see some pics of the new house! Enjoy!!

It's a.....

BOY!! (I will spare you the actual "boy" shot, but will let you see these pics of our sweet, healthy, Todd Michael!) Enjoy!!

Just call me Debbie Downer

I read over the hasty post I made yesterday and realized that I was definitely seeing our over-flowing glass as practically empty....sorry for being lame. Thank you, though, to those who left kind, encouraging messages--it helped so much.

WARNING: LOOOONG RAMBLE AHEAD

After talking to my parents, sister, friends and our kids (although there were tears), I am feeling much better about things. What confuses me the most about my initial reaction to the news is that I have never really lived close to my immediate family since being married and as long as we're in the military, there won't be many opportunities for it. I think that my family had talked about the possibility of us moving to WA for so long, that we almost believed it was for sure, before the military had even made a decision....bad idea.

I think what was making me the most discouraged was not only all the questions this new information still left unanswered, but the number of additional questions it created. Whether or not to sell or rent our house, where to have our baby, when to move, what house to buy, who to call when I need help and Joe is in Virginia and I have 4 kids (1 infant) and 6 new schedules. It's the unknown that scares me the most, I think. If I knew our house was selling in 2 months, making it easier for us to buy a house in NC and I knew whether or not to have the baby before we left and we knew which house we were going to buy and blah, blah, blah...

But then I remember. It's been a while (3 years) since we've really been a part of a military community and anyone who has been knows that my last question is the most ridiculous of all. Being a part of the military and our church, together, makes my concerns about doing things on my own seem almost laughable. Without being asked, a woman from the Relief Society would show up at my door with dinner or a military wife I barely knew would stop by to see if there was anything she could do to help because she knew my husband was gone. It is a way of life not everyone gets to experience, but should.

These same questions remind me of another lesson learned in this military life (a lesson I could definitely take from right now). When we arrived in Colorado, me, 5 months pregnant and Joe getting ready to deploy, there were certainly many unanswered questions--when would our baby come, would Joe see him before he left, where would we live and SO many others that seem, even now, more important and pressing than the ones I mentioned before and yet, we were completely taken care of. I had faith and put my trust completely, 110% in my Heavenly Father and EVERYTHING was taken care of. Joe's deployment was pushed back so many times that my dad asked me if I felt responsible for holding up the war on account of me wanting him there for the birth :), but 2 days before he left and 2 months after the initial deployment date, Luke was born and Joe was able to meet his first son before going off to war--a blessing we will both forever be grateful for. I learned and relearned this lesson SO many times during that year, it is amazing I seem to have already forgotten it.

Remembering what it is like to be a part of this community again and all that comes with it, has me seeing things in a different light.

I am excited for our new adventures. I am remembering the old me, the less situationally comfortable me, who loved meeting new people, seeing new places and feeling as if a move was long overdue 3 years into a duty station.

I am excited for a new home, a new atmosphere, new/more friends, new climate, new schedules, new experiences, new growth, new jobs (for Joe) and even new (or just old and unfamiliar--military) worries--KNOWING my family will be taken care of.

My kids will survive, too. In fact, I believe they will thrive, seeing knew things, meeting new people and seeing the blessings of Christ in our lives.

The future doesn't seem so grim.

In fact, it seems pretty bright.

Hmmmm....

We got our orders today for our next duty station.

We have many mixed feelings about it, but are really trying to ignore the fact that we will have to settle for seeing my family on the webcam, rather than visiting them from Washington like we had hoped.

I am excited for the selection of homes we will have for buying there, the MUCH warmer winters, being close to a dear high school friend, Myrtle Beach, Florida, etc. within a day's driving distance, being closer to Joe while he attends his post-doc course in Virginia and many other things and am trying to remind myself of all this.

Our kids (and I) had their hearts set on Washington and being close to Nana and Papa and my brothers and sisters and their cousins, so we are trying to strategize a game plan on how we can present this kind of out-of-left-field information to our kids.

Let's just say I needed a day or two to process the information and get out my own tears, before telling the kids....so wish us luck.

I know we'll be fine and happy wherever we go, so I have to concentrate on that and the many positives of it and make the best of what we have been given.

To all my friends in Utah County with daughters...

would you mind filling out a survey about body image for you and your daughters here

THANKS!!! My friends in Public Health appreciate you and your time...

Thanks!!

...to everyone who gave their input into the graduation debacle we have been struggling with at our house and I am happy to inform, anyone who cares, that we have made a decision that all are happy with. After weighing the options and double checking that I would be able to have a fairly normal graduation (I think many were confused that I wouldn't actually be walking/graduating if I went to Joe's--I will be walking just before Joe as our last names are the same and I start with an "A" and he starts with a "J".) with my husband sitting next to me and walking just after me and not too many people looking at me strangely for graduating with a bunch of doctorates, I will be graduating "with" the Law School, with my family, Joe's family and, most importantly, Joe, attending. I am so excited for this decision, surprisingly, and know that while my kids may not remember the actual occasion, having us all together for such a big day will always be the best choice for us....plus, I like Karen's idea of being the most likable graduate in a room full of lawyers! HeeHee! :) Thanks again to all who offered their opinions and support--I considered each one seriously.
You're all great!!

Hmmm....what to do? I need help.

So, I need help--your honest opinion. As many know, I have spent much of the three years we have been here going to school and trying to get finished before we leave in August. Well, turns out that although I didn't believe it would ever happen, I am actually going to graduate and get my Bachelor's Degree in April. However, as many of you also know, my husband has also spent much of the last 3 years working towards his Law Degree and will also be graduating in April. Exciting, I know, but here's the problem. He and I were completely bummed to find out that our graduations are on the exact same day at the EXACT same time!!! What CRAPPY planning on BYU's part, if you ask me.

There are two avenues we could take; well three, but one isn't really an option. I could either skip my graduation and go to his and possibly walk with him, with both our families attending his or he could skip his and everyone could come to mine (this is the one I don't really think is an option, for obvious reasons) OR we could each go to our seperate graduations, his parents and family go to his and my parents and family come to mine. This seems like the option I am leaning towards, (Joe is hoping I will get to walk with him) except there is another problem. If you knew my children and their relationship with my mom, you wouldn't need me to explain, but for those who don't know, let's just say where my mom is, my kids will be also. Meaning, that with her at my graduation, my kids will 100% want to come to mine as well and unfortunately, not because I'll be there. :)

So, you can see our problem. What's a girls to do? Is it selfish to want to go to my own graduation even if I do have the option to walk with him at his graduation? Or is it something I deserve to celebrate at my own graduation after these 3 long years? Or if I could walk with him, would the fun of walking with my husband outweigh the utter humiliation I would feel walking with people getting their doctorates enough to make it worth it?

I can't decide and I need opinions or suggestions. Believe me, I am all ears!!