Hello, LiveJournal! So nice to see you.

Work is chug chug chugging along. It's October. One month of the school year is down the drain. It started pretty quickly - not quite full speed but hardly a slow grow. I'm glad for the income, because it sure is needed around these parts. Child care is expensive! I have three more school years' worth of day care/preschool before Tukey can go to public school. Freaking autumn birthdays! Whose idea was it to have that kid in November? (Answer: I thought it would take more than one try to get pregnant.)

Took the kids to see Sesame Street Live the other day and it was so super exciting. Tukey was way into dancing like a maniac after an initial major freak-out about the monsters/characters. I managed to convince him that they weren't going to touch him and he enjoyed the show after that. There was a point where a couple of dancers were dressed up as chocolate chip cookies and he said, "Those dancing cookies are made of GUYS!" which was pretty much the cutest thing I have ever heard in my life. August was still really into it too, the music and dancing and all that, which I was happy about because I was worried she'd be a little too old.

Fall is in full swing around here and we went apple picking and made a lot of applesauce and apple crisp. We have made and consumed squash pie. We solved the corn maze. The trees are starting to color and the sunrises and sunsets are brilliant rose. Soccer is soccering and is completely adorable. It is getting darker earlier and the nights are so chilly. We are getting some family pictures taken tomorrow by my friend's sister and I'm hoping for outdoor - so fingers crossed on the weather.

Punk is in swimming lessons and I'm committed to them until she can float/swim enough for emergency purposes. I don't need her to be a competitive swimmer, but we go to the lake and we go on boats and well, there are two of them and one of me so there needs to be some rudimentary swimming. She is not loving it but she is making progress and I am really glad for that. I am hoping that by next summer, she'll be a competent doggie-paddler. :)

Life around here is incredibly gogogo and I am perpetually behind but in the end, it's good. It is hard as heck to only have the kids half the time (especially now that school/work is on - the time is so short) and I miss them terribly. But life goes on.

And how are you?

I've been having a lot of conversations with myself about who I am and the life I have been living. Overall, I think I live a pretty good life and do good by others. I mostly live a life of service and I am pleased with that as it is in my nature. But I have watched parts of myself completely slip away, and I don't like it. I'm not sure how to get them back, or if it is even possible in my current situation.

I don't love my job but it works for now. It is convenient and right now convenient is a priority. And it gives me lots of time with my children. But it comes at a cost - literally. Part-time, seasonal work pays like part-time, seasonal work.

My children are amazing and I love parenting for the most part. Of course there are bumps in the road but I feel successful and think I am doing pretty well by my children. I worry, though, that those parts of my life that are lacking are going to creep into the haven I have built for them. I really can't stand to tolerate that.

Is this thing still on? Does anyone hang out here anymore?

Life goes on and time is flying around here. My big girl will be four years old a week from today and I can't even believe it. How can it be FOUR YEARS since I delivered that tiny baby girl? I felt like such a rock star that day, powering through that labor and delivery. That was four years ago? Amazing. Punk is such a smart, sassy little thing and she has already developed a four year old's attitude. She completed her first year of preschool and learned a lot of things, including the life cycle of a frog, the water cycle, and about crazy things like archipelagos and isthmuses. Amazing.

My sweet baby boy is seven months old, has two teeth, and is learning to crawl. It's almost time to bring up the baby gates, and I've already had to start hiding some things. I don't think I'm ready for him to fully crawl; we haven't had a baby-proofed house in so long! He sits up like a champ and loves to play with his little toys, his hair is adorable baby chicken hair, he yells and squeals and blows raspberries and shouts DA DA DA DA DA at me (while I say back, "MA MA MA MA MA MA.")

We're in the swing of summer vacation and survived our first week. Life is exhausting with two children, one of whom doesn't really like to sleep, doesn't like pureed baby foods but chokes and gags on finger foods. I get very little, very broken sleep and have a preschooler who doesn't nap. We've instituted "rest time" and that has gone well this week, but the weather has sucked so no burning energy at the park or backyard. Booooooo.

What is going on with you guys?

I feel like a rockstar this afternoon. With the baby in the sling, I prepped and cooked a chili. As in: opened all the cans of sauce/puree, drained and rinsed the beans, browned two pounds of ground meat, chopped a pepper and an onion, added spices, and stirred the whole thing up in a crock pot. Not too shabby for one and a half free hands and a sling full of baby.

I also felt like evil mom an hour or so later when I asked Punk to pick up her crayons and markers that had fallen on the floor, and instead found her on the floor in a circle of markers coloring on her hands and her pants. But rather than killing her, I sent her to bed and she fell asleep, so maybe I'm still Super Mom after all. ;)

For a brief time, I have two sleeping children and that is enough to be the best New Year's Eve ever. I guess I have low expectations. ;)

Happy Incoming 2011, y'all. I do hope you will join me in saying "Two thousand eleven" rather than "Twenty eleven" because it sounds so much better.

Goal for the new year is "organization." We're two working moms with two busy kids and I think that if I/we don't get organized, we're going to keep slipping into chaos. And I can't speak for Jen, but when things get chaotic in the house, I get chaotic internally and then everything's all messed up. And really, I'm tired of that. So I need everything organized: the house, the schedule, the chores, the finances, the relationship. When you're so short on time and energy, maybe everything has to be planned. I really hope Jen is on board, because it's something I think I really need to try in order to stay on top of things mentally.

xo and see you next year, the year my LJ turns TEN.

I am always amused by "all or nothing" ideals, especially about parenting which is NEVER all or nothing. And I am endlessly amused by the "attachment parenting" community on LJ.

Did you know that you can't really be an attached parent if you don't breastfeed? And that an attached parent always keeps the baby in the sling instead of the baby bucket?

I'd love to see one of these "attached parent gurus" pull the newborn baby out of the bucket which is in the warm car, shove him in a sling, walk him up to the preschool for the 5 minute preschool drop-off/pick-up, then cram him BACK into the bucket for the drive home, instead of leaving him sleeping inside his warm little bucket and putting him back without him even knowing he was in a preschool.

But what do I know? My kid drinks out of a bottle so we're not bonded anyway.

/snark

It has been quite convenient to have a stay-at-home parent this past week or so, I have to say. Except for the part about not making any money.

The dishes are always done, the laundry is caught up, the beds all have freshly-laundered sheets. The clogged drain is unclogged, the house is stocked with food, and fresh hot meals are usually prepared every day. We don't have to worry about Punk eating a bunch of toddler junk or watching too much television (although she does still like to watch!). Doctor appointments gets made and kept, Punk's 3 year appointments are already taken care of, an allergy appointment is scheduled for next month, and most of the birthday party prep is already complete. And Punk is happy, happy, happy! (Case in point: today, after blowing me about 287389279832 kisses from the back of the car, she said, "Mama, I am giving you a LOT of kisses. Because it's I Love You Day.")

And then there are life's little emergencies, like when we realized last night that Jen's car needed to be inspected by Wednesday. Got that done this morning, after running to the store to order Punk's birthday cake for the party. Check and check.

The bathroom still needs to be cleaned and the rugs need to be vacuumed, but after stripping and making the beds, the heat has gotten the better of me. Maybe this evening. Maybe tomorrow.

Punk and I will be babysitting a friend's baby (I think he's 9 months old?) on Thursdays for the summer starting this Thursday. I'm a little nervous about how it will play out (will Punk trash their house? will she drive me bonkers? will she nap?) but a little bit of extra cash is always good, too.

You can just call me Super Mama!

Today I feel like SuperMom. Not bad for my first day back at work after a week of sloth.

I stayed at work until 3, then drove to the office to take care of some paperwork and schedule with my supervisor, then went to pick up Punk. (Who, by the way, is now wearing underwear to day care. !!!!) We came home and I read approximately 98943890123890 issues of Babybug and Wild Animal Baby. I then set her up with a huge stack of Sesame Street books and went to make some dinner. In between I also did a load of laundry. Punk likes to "help" with folding, and she matches all the socks.

It wasn't the most amazing dinner - some cubed and sauteed chicken, cheesy rice (using up some of that velveeta left over from the SuperBowl), and some leftover vegetables - but it was tasty and filling and not terrible. I procured some applesauce for the toddler and put the leftover food away for Jen and rinsed out the dishes.

After dinner I let her watch the Veggie Tales video we borrowed from the library while having some snuggle time, and then we did bath and then bed prep. While running the bath, I also emptied her laundry hamper and wiped up some sort of spill/leak on the bathroom floor that I believe is coming from the diaper sprayer. Now the child is in bed (though I doubt she is sleeping, she IS quiet at present), I did another round of Laundry Switcheroo, and am now about to indulge in a little internet and eating of PEZ.

Somewhere in there I also realized that I forgot to pick up my prescription this afternoon, so I managed to convince a former coworker to pick it up at the hospital pharmacy and then - get this - drive it to Jen at work. All while cutting up chicken and switching out laundry.

SuperMom.

If ever there were to be an image to signify my life, this would be it:



Thanks, Auntie Gretchen!

For three days a week, I life out my greatest fantasies. And then, for the other four... not so much. But especially around this time of year, and especially /this/ year, some parts of my life are exactly the way they're supposed to be, because I'm finally some little person's mama. I'm quite sure I dreamed my whole life about these moments.

Oh sure, I've been a mama for 2.5 years now, but this year, THIS holiday season, I'm the mama of a kid who "gets it." She is holiday crazy and it is /perfect/. Holiday life with a toddler is the most amazing thing in the entire universe.

On Friday evening, my child got a visit from her grandparents on Jen's side, and as usual, she charmed the pants off of them and they filled her to the brim with Disney merchandise. Which, by the way, she is in love with. On Saturday, we took her to the mall to get her holiday portraits done, and she was so awesome about it, and so charming and adorable, that they were super and we ended up ordering the overly pricey photo cards from them (instead of making our own) because the pictures were just THAT cute. While at the mall, the grandparents proceeded to buy her more licensed merchandise.

But oh! She has the holiday spirit for sure. We have written a letter to Santa. We have discussed what she wants Santa to bring her. (A "crown and shoes.") We have sat on Mall Santa's lap and she delighted him with her excitement and her wishes. My SIL has provided us with an "Elf on the Shelf" which has been named and loved and is looked for every morning. We have purchased a plate specifically to leave Santa some cookies and milk. Every drive through town in the evening is brought with a chorus of, "Mama! Pretty lights! More pretty lights!" It is a good time.

This morning I took my little child to the post office to put her letter to Santa in the special Santa mailbox. (Our town is so cheeseball and I love every second.) And in that moment, every piece of my heart was whole. This is exactly what I was meant to do, and I could do it 10 times more.

If only I didn't have that stupid job.

FYI, this is why I totally always wanted to have kids:



It's just... oh, I don't know. It just is. It's everything I ever imagined and more.