Another Year Has Gone By yyiiii ( Celine Dion Version)

Kaj is so good at making goals, and resolutions for the new year. So is Rowan actually. He has goals down to the second on what he wants to run for cross country for next season. I used to be very good at it. I used to be very good at a lot of things. I don't think it's as if I am not good at those things anymore, but coming into focus are some different things. Like realizing that I am important. Knowing that I am loved. I am loved by my kids, my friends, and family, and, my Jesus. I know I only want to be around others who see my value and worth. 

In Young Women's today I felt very emotional. I have so many reasons sometimes. The question was asked, "if someone were to summarize your life what would you want to be remembered for?" I wasn't very articulate in class as I explained, because it made me cry. It made me cry at first because I first thought of my pain. (Unfortunately) I thoughts of the injustices and betrayals. I thought of love that I lost or maybe never had. I thought of hurt caused by people who said that loved me, that they cared about me. But, then on the flip side I thought of laughing with my kids, and popping out of the subway in the middle of New York City with my friends, I thought of holding my babies for the first time, I thought of singing on choir tours, and being with friends who never showed anything but love for me. I thought of sisters when they surprised me for me birthday. I thought of how I truly see the best in other people aways, I thought about music, and how it makes me so happy. So, I would want to be remembered for loving others, for building- not in the construction sense because I can't do that-but for building up others. I know I am considered a friend. One who loves and listens. I also want to be remembered for showing compassion to others.

I also thought about Jesus. I thought about how I haven't always known that He loves me, and sometimes

I still don't, but I know the moments where I am felt SO much love, an undeniable sense of it, and I would want be someone who reflects that kind of love. 

So, as we are heading into a New Year I think there will be a few things that I would choose and it would be to a better example of Christ like love, but also extend that kind of love for myself. I also intend to write. I do not want this side of me to go the wayside. It is a deeply important side. I intend to write for cathartic purposed but, also, to create. There are reasons I am feeling a new strength inside myself and it needs action, 

 

I am not a strong swimmer

...Or in this case mathematician. Forget everything I ever thought or said about 13 year olds. Josh, there are still times that he does drive me nuts, but I feel like all of that got wiped away when I saw the interactions I saw tonight. Rowan's workload in middle school has been nothing to trifle with. He has something he needs to work on almost every night, and it is definitely weighing on him. (To be continued because I do feel like I need to meet with some teachers to see what accommodations can work for Rowan while still pushing him.) Rowan worked very hard on a recent math test, and he had told me afterward that he felt really good about it, only for his hopes to be dashed when he found out what he got. He came to me in tears yesterday, and it broke my heart. I talked to Josh about this later, because there have been many moments in the last few weeks where Josh has helped Rowan with his math homework. So, I asked him if he could help him again.

The U-Pick farm Mount Hood

 With the most patience, love, and encouragement Josh went through all of Rowan's homework with him. He got out our magnets to work with Rowan on the visual side of things, and continued to be innovative but, also allowing Rowan to work things out on his own. He was never short, he never made him feel bad if he got the answer wrong, but, simply invited to try again. I was blown away with him. With both of them. Rowan, working so hard, and being gracious to Josh for his time, and Josh. See, I am not a strong mathematician. Listen, I know some, but I am self aware enough to know I can't instruct.  Josh did this beautifully. It makes me feel so proud to have these kind of boys surrounding me. This is where I have gotten so lucky. I am allowed any credit?? I don't even know. I may not know a lot about math, but I know a lot about kindness, and I am so happy my kids have it.

 

New School Year

Kaj is a sophomore this year. We have been out driving a lot. He is kind to everyone at school and is example there constantly. I have been stopped by multiple people commenting about how he goes out of his way to talk to and invite others to be a part of the group. I am very proud of the young man Kaj is. Lily is the sweetest little thing. She is in 1st grade, and growing up so fast. She is in soccer right now and she loves it. She is so fast, and so fun to see out on the field. She is so smart. She is reading like a champ and she is a great friend.

Jonah is in 3rd grade this year. Speaking of soccer, holy moly, Jonah is so good. He is very natural on the field. He weaves in and out of people and such a force out there. At home he is constantly reading, and he still loves math, and has a lot of friends. 

Rowan is in 6th grade this year, and after a lot of wrestling with what to do he is going to Realms. There is a lot that he is learning and needing to manage but he is doing a great job. He is running cross country for Sky view and I think he has really found his groove. He is very happy and very motivated and has done extremely well. I am so thankful for everything he is doing. 

Josh looks like a full grown man here for some reason. Ah! Josh is in 8th grade this year- last year in middle school- no thank you! But, he likes his schedule and is doing well in all his classes. He has a lot of friends and knows stay away from any drama. He is doing football and soccer. The funniest thing about Josh's new schedule he has started to riding his bike to Pine Nursery in the morning and meeting his friend at the field before school begins and then has sometimes come to my house to make eggs or have gone to chik fil a. They started charging buddies a delivery fee to make money friends orders, and there was also a time where they were making milk shakes to put there bottles to sip throughout the day. 

There is also the great subject of one of Rowan's favorite topics- puberty. He loves talking about puberty right now. How tall he thinks he is going to be, when his voice is going to become deeper..He also will talk about tips he has when he is taking girls on dates ( I think this is also deriving from Kaj talking about it a bit more) but his advice is, "don't have bad breath,"  to do that " brush your teeth before your date, then chew gum, and have a tik tac" Sure advice. The other thing he will mention is that he really hopes he does not get pimples, when he was telling me this he said, " you know.. because of this." And then gestured to his whole face. 😂 I mean- he has a point. To which, I completely agreed, he has a very nice face. I love this confidence - we were talking the other day about crushes. Jonah has a girl that creepily stares and him every day on the way home from school. Like- tries to penetrate the car with he stares. Jonah ducks down in his seat. Rowan was saying that that was nice for a girl to like him, and Rowan said, " I mean I know I am everyone's type, but no girl's like me like that." I just said not all girls make it that known who they like. 

Anyways, I do love my kids so much, I wonder sometimes what I would be feeling without them home. I think pretty lonely. I spend a lot of nights staying up later chatting and laughing with the older boys. 

 

Jonah and the Ortho

 Jonah's sure cute. This summer Jonah was on the calendar to start phase one of his braces journey. Sam does not like that they do this in two phases. However, I would have to agree Jonah does not have room for all his teeth. So, we went in one summer morning to get the expander put in. When we got home that day he ended coming down with a fever and was starting to feel sick. On top of it he had to then learn how to eat with this humungous contraption in his mouth. I was begging him to eat, and feeding him anything he would remotely try. It took him an hour to eat a few bites of avocado. Jonah is not a big kid, and I knew this would not be going well for him. I called the next day to let them know what was going on with him and that I was really worried, they kind of listened, but they mostly just said stick with it over the weekend and he will eventually get used to eating with it.  I knew Jonah would not be able to get over it. He was living on a yogurt a day. I was fully bribing him to eat with toys and pretty much anything because his already small frame was becoming so unreasonable so quickly. I took him to the doctor in hopes I could get the doctor to call the orthodontist to express his opinion that he was in fact underweight. 

In the end, it was less than week that he had the expander in his mouth and he had gotten down to 47 lbs and a week later he was back up to 60. So.. we will be revisiting braces at a later time and will be skipping the expander. 

Gramma Rose's Summer '25

We heard legendary things of Gramma Rose's from years ago when are friends visited this place. It has animal hoarding vibes, that is for certain, but it was a really cool experience. I went with a big group friends and their kids- 

Rowan and Kaj missed out on this one. When we first arrived we were introduced to a Zebra. It bit Jonah pretty quickly. and then shortly after that were let into a cage with a porcupine. 

Then we went into a room where Gramma Rose proceeded to tell us to all have a seat with a towel on our laps and shout out animal orders to be received. Just an assortment of animals- birds, bunnies, 

and snakes living together in harmony-like they do ha! There was also a millipede- which was apparently a gem and gift that Gramma Rose made sure she told us how much she loved. We went out to feed the wallabies and the kangaroos. This was literally such an odd not you average day experience. But, also to keep in mind as you look around it was in fact she lived. There were a couple of peacocks walking around and mostly the animals seems content with their lives. I certainly hope so, and I also think Lily was in heaven with all the animals. It was a bit of a drive, but in the end I am definely glad that we went!

 

Oregon Coast Lincoln City '25

After a lot of thoughts and planning we decided that we would all meet at the Oregon Coast this year. We came to the conclusion based on past years and trying to find each other in Yellow Stone and realizing that the kids just want the cool house to be together and having something so close to the beach for them to go down when they need something to do even more of a plus. So, that's what we did. 

Everyone had a great time together. There were a lot more tears than usual, however. because after this trip, Meg's family would be moving to Alabama for a new job position for Alan. Everyone was crying. I was crying a lot too, even though Meg and I will still keep in touch the same way we have, but it just feels farther away. I don't like that. But, I love my family so much. They are so supportive of me and my family and I know nothing will change that. 

Jonah's 9th Birthday

We celebrated a couple times this summer Jonah's birthday. Once at the Oregon Coast, with the family, and then a combined birthday with some friends. Jonah is an amazing kid. He has the ability to make friends with everyone. He has this huge smile, a loud voice, a great laugh, and great hugs. He is incredibly self driven and very smart. He was the top runner at school last year running 52 miles for running club. He  is quick witted and confident. He is also very tender and sensitive. I had said one morning that I had had a bad dream it was a night that Jonah had come into our bed, and he said "mom, sorry I didn't protect you from that." 

When we were all at the Oregon Coast together, and we we were trying to take pictures Jonah would walk past and just say random things just to say them. Justin laughed and said, "He is such an agent of chaos." I kind of loved that. He is. How can an agent of chaos also be such a delightful character. He is one of a kind. There was an another funny moment at the Oregon Coast where we had taken the kids to a park by the water. We had spike ball, and other things, but suddenly all the kids were being dragged into this little boy's very vivid imagination. He was wearing a humungous helmet with goggles on them and talking about outbreaks and infections, and that he was the only one who could save everyone. We laughed watching it, because all the kids were kind of there just playing along and wondering how this had happened. They were all gathered up around the kid who was shouting at them about the game, and then we Jonah- the only one walking away, and he walks passed us, and says, "whose this kid?" It was hilarious. Jonah is not afraid to do his own thing. He is so special and I am so excited to see what he does.