a piercing recap
here are some pics to recap kassidi’s sweet 16 piercing day…
kass – waiting to become more holy. or, holey.
kass – getting marked. daddy – lookin tense…
holding her dads hand…
and note…im not ‘in’ the room. fire code or something silly like that 😕
but i progressively wormed my way in…
the piercing moment…
all done…
and here she is… our sweet 16
and for those of you who can stomach the short video of kass’s piercing – you can see it here.
16 candles
this sunday is a big day for the hodge fam. well, it might be a bit bigger for one of us.
kassidi turns 16 this weekend.
SIXTEEN.
unbelievable, really, beings im only 23.
if youd like to wish her a happy birthday you can do so here or on twitter.
im sure i’ll put up a boo-hoo’ing post on her actual birthday. but until then…
i love you kass!
my phrases
there are certain words and phrases i love to say. if i write it, i say it too. im one of those people who sound the same way i write.
here are my faves…
in other news…
dangitalltoheck (my bestest euphemism )
omadang.
what.
anyhoo. (i think that ones gettin old, tho)
who clogged the toilet?!!!
wait. sorry about that last one.
😕
k. what are some of your own personal favorite sayings/phrases?
and when youre done here. go here and answer mandy’s opposite sex question.
yes. i said “question”.
maybe i should explain
my last two posts were pretty serious. not that ive never been serious here. but the theme has been heavy, the questions tough, my answers…cryptic, perhaps, but mostly gray.
i just wanta say, im not going through some mid-life crisis. im not doubting God or my relationship with Him, my purpose…nothing like that.
the last two weeks at TRF have been really great. the messages have spurred some questions in my mind. questions that are hard. topics that are too often swept under the rug. im just at a place where im willing to address it.
i have to know why i think the way i do. and that will likely entail some deep digging into my mind, thoughts and heart.
im ok with that.
i have to be. if i dont define the undefined, when its in my ability, then im left in limbo. i hate being in limbo. its too…mediocre.
we’re meant for more than mediocrity.
im just pushing myself here. no other agenda. no issues. no problems.
and its made for some incredible discussion, confessions, revelations and connections here as you all have shared your hearts and thoughts.
iron sharpening iron.
thank you for that.
another confession…
i was beginning to comment on the existence post and i started to write this…
“one thing i can not say in all honesty is that i live solely for God.
this i know, but have never spoken.
id be lying if i claimed this tho. i dont live only for Him. and i cant even say i always want to.”
im not necessarily proud of this, but its true.
i dont wake up every morning with God first on my mind. some mornings i do. most mornings i do. but not all.
when i see a person in need, or what i perceive to be “in need”, i dont always have the best first intentions or thoughts.
i dont always pay attention in church.
i am not always focused when im singing on team, leading others in worship.
i dont consistently pray for my family. oh (tears are streaming) that was not easy to write and confess.
in all of this…i think i would be doing more of a disservice, and insulting God, if i said otherwise.
this, my friends, is simply a challenge for myself.
i need to live with intention. with the right intention.
im working toward that.
i am, after all, In Progress.
what say you… can you honestly say God is at the forefront of your mind?
existence
what’s the purpose of your existence?
not just existence, but your existence?
but really think about it. im gonna spend the day thinking about it as well. ive already been considering it and, honestly, its been hard for me to come up with an answer. its not that there isnt one…i just need to formulate my thoughts and accept reality of what is and what should be.
alright, that was kinda deep for something that may be very easy for some of you to answer, but…i m just being honest.
ok.
go…
no title.
just wanted to share with you a few of my favorite moments/pics from last weekend.
here are our eggs. cathi stegall, kass, kota and i spent some time coloring them. i dont think theres been a year that we’ve missed this tradition with the kids. we dont do baskets, but we do eggs and lots of chocolate 😀
next is the egg hunt at my bro and sis in law’s house. i did not participate. i do not like the cold. or finding things. so i watched.
i love that mark and cathi are family. it wouldnt have been a family gathering without them.
and lastly…we were all sitting around chatting, laughing, watching the niece and nephew play, listening to the sirius music channel in the background when i heard a very familiar tune and voice. i thought to myself…i know that person. i finally realized it was los. this was the first time ive heard is music on radio. so proud of him!
and now for my next trick.
i’ll be updating this here blogroll.
finally.
sure didnt expect this
i had no idea my confession post would get the response it did.
i sincerely never thought so many would confess to the same fear of dying.
i actually assumed id get more comments telling me i have nothing to fear. believers shouldnt fear death.
then…your confessions began broadening. expanding into an area of bravery that just stopped me in my tracks.
the conversations that went on were amazing! i am so proud of all of you for sharing all that you did. thank you for trusting each other with your confessions.
thank you for respecting one another.
this confession post deeply impressed on my heart the need we all have to release our hidden heaviness. there are many things we dont share because we think we cant, or we shouldnt, or no one would understand.
well, tuesday proved me wrong for thinking that about my fear of dying.
we’re all much more alike than we think, it seems.
so…you’ll be seeing the occasional confessions posts here from now on. they wont always be serious. sometimes ive just gotta be goofy, as you all know 😀
but i witnessed so much value in the discussion here about death. the wisdom that was shared is invaluable. we truly need each other. we can learn much and be sharpened greatly when we confess and share life.
i’ll call the posts Community Confessions
and like the dying confession post, this will be a place where we can share openly and honestly in a safe environment.
now…to lighten it up a bit today…
if you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not famous, living or dead, real or fictional. with whom would it be?
my confession…
it started when i was in the 3rd grade.
i remember the night it very first occurred to me.
ever since that day of harsh realization ive been tormented with restlessness.
one might not think id struggle with such a thing. especially with being a Christ follower and all. it really doesnt add up.
but, its my reality.
and sometimes…this restlessness, this preoccupation of thoughts and anxiety will abruptly wake me out of a deep sleep.
i take deep breaths and begin to pray.
my confession...
im afraid to die.
He’s not mad at you
every weekend at church i am reminded of where ive come from. some days, i sit in total disbelief. i wonder, at times, where id be now had i not turned my life around…had i not walked, no… crawled to God.
we sang a song to close our services this weekend that completely embraced my heart when first hearing it in nashville this february. the very first lines captured me and instantly took me on my lifes journey.
“He’s not mad at you. He’s not disappointed.”
for so many years i didnt believe that. i couldnt believe that. i was such a vile person. i did such cruel things. i was ugly.
you all know about my drug use, my promiscuity, my abortions…all my poor choices. ive hurt people on purpose. ive betrayed people i love.
but we know that God sees so much more in us than we see. and knows far more than we will ever know. He knew there was hope for me because Hope is alive. i just needed to get that truth from my head to my heart. why is that such a long journey.
and truth is…im still ugly. i still fail. i still struggle with the doing the right thing.
and still…God accepts me. i wonder, if we all knew what really goes on on the inside of one other, would we be as accepting.
even if not…God is…
“you can come as you are
all your broken pieces
all your shameful scars
the pain you hold in your heart
bring it all to Jesus
you can come as you are”
listen to the whole song here Come As You Are – Pocket Full Of Rocks
inProgress 
