Escapism!

Escapism....is what I needed today!

This morning I decided to take my brood for breakfast at IKEA. Besides the fact that we were out of breakfast type foods at home, it seemed like a better way to start the day & also gave me the morning out of the kitchen. No dishes to wash & that is always cause for small celebration.

I had awoken from slumber abruptly & this left me feeling quite flat in mood, saddened by the rude awakening I had just experienced. The youngest of my children had awoken in tears. Heart wrenching, sad, sad tears. He had a nightmare about his great grandmother which found him weeping uncrontrollably at my bedside.

I held him in my arms & told him it was just a bad dream. After a long cuddle & some comforting words, I encouraged him to do something that would distract him from these sorrow filled thoughts.

A quick stop home after our IKEA breakfast, still found me in a sombre state of mind. I felt the need to escape. Where to, I didn't know, I just wanted to get out. Get out from behind these four walls & go!
An invitation for my sons to join me was accepted. I let them know that I didn't know where I was going, just that I needed to go. I needed to get out.

We found ourselves on the meandering roads leading up to Tamborine Mountain. This beautiful place was just the medicine I needed to ground myself & bring myself back from the blues. It seems when I am with nature a thought switch is flicked on. I ponder over things, wonder about things, remember events & think forward in my mind. It is hard to remain negative in a place of such serene beauty. Somehow I gain clarity from just being there, taking in the view & breathing in the pure air.

I realised whilst in this thoughtfilled state, looking out at the picturesque view that my sons nightmare was also my most dreaded fear. With the events of the last few weeks, my grandmother has been foremost in my mind. His nightmare whilst in sleep was my nightmare in the waking hours.

I reassured myself just as I did with my son that she is OK right now. And for now that is all that matters. Now!

Words.....

And so I put out it out there, my thoughts in words. I see them lingering, floating around in cyber space like particles of dust caught in the breeze, most likely never to be read by another.
There is both relief & sadness in this knowledge.
I have gained so much from the written word. Words are by far the most powerful tools we have in our arsenal of communication.
Words can be both healing & hurtful!
When I write it is always with great trepidation. Always carefully monitoring what words I use so as to minimise any damage should my words actually be read.
This can be limiting at times!

Temporarily Out if Action!

He feels her absence with such intensity! She was his stability, his lending ear, his conversation partner & she was also his mother. He was born with a disability at birth, Cerebral Palsy & she was meant to be there for him for a long time, to guide him through all the hurdles that life had in store for him. I know that this was her plan, that she wanted to be here for her children in mind & body but unfortunately her life cut unexpectedly short. A situation she had little control over!

Overwhelmed with sadness he coccooned himself in a capsule of silence & solitude that was seldomly entered into by another.

It's taken time & the persistance from a good mate ,my son, to crack through the hardened protective shell. This boy is once again a participant in life. He is living, laughing & having a good time. I hear them in the bedroom...the boyish wisecracks being thrown too & fro. I know that in this moment in time, at least, that he is free of his grief!
I feel his mothers presence, I know that she is happy to see him this way! To see her young man smiling once again.

He will be alright!

My Brother!

My Brother!

A gentle giant with a heart of gold!

My childhood playmate & tormentor all rolled into one jolly little package

Memories are many & interesting to say the least

He has a softness about him that I have always found endearing

A trusting nature that could easily be taken advantage of. He sees the goodness in people.

I know that he love me, his little sister, his daily phonecalls assure me of that.

He has been my teacher of patience & tolerence which has served me well as a mother to 3 sons

To choose some words to describe him I would have to say

Loving
Caring
Compassionate
Teasing ( in the sibling kinda way)
Humourous
A big softy
A loving friend & family member

He is an all round good big brother & man!

Sister!

Sister

Alice!

A blessed union gifted to me at birth

A friendship that is as treasured as life itself

I thank her for her patience in my younger years

For loving me even at those times when I was not very lovable

For forgiving me those times when I abused her trust

How lucky & fortunate am I

I am truly blessed

This beautiful woman born with the most cordial & gracious of hearts

We share childhood memories, such a glorious collage of memories

She is my mentor, at times my protector & at all times my friend

A friend that I am guaranteed to have for life

For this I am forever grateful

I love my sister very much!