Plans

What do you do with plans that won't be played out? I had big plans for the first birthday party, Christmas, and even Thanksgiving. Crawling, first steps, dadadada, cake all over her face. So lost as to what to do with all of that. How in 8 days will I be sending back the precious gift God has given us to parent and love for 6 months? Today I got a text saying next Friday is the day. (has to be judge approved tomorrow). But this isn't what we were told. We were told it will at least be a year. At least. There is no way it will be any sooner. There will be lots of notice. Weekend practices, etc. Nope. God's got different plans and fully trust they are good, though they hurt. Badly. I can't believe this is my update! I have been so planning exciting updates like sitting up, talking, eating, etc. There have been all great days- for 6 months. God has blessed us so much with this sweet gift. We were just handed her. This beautiful gift he made. I will never forget what an undeserved blessing that he gave us. But giving it up is amazingly hard. I knew it would be. I just forgot what hurt feels like.
Seeing my girls with her everyday is such a blessing! She lights up for them and loves them. I am so sad that she'll be spending all her days in a downtown day care instead of in my arms, in her bed, on her schedule. God is good and I am grateful to have this to constantly turn to. Because I know there are going to many days where I will just want to hunt her down and move us all to Switzerland.
So please pray for comfort, protection for her all of her days, for our girls who are crushed, and for next Fri. It is a crazy day. Olivia has two performances of the Nutcracker-one of which I signed up to help for- people are going to be getting tears when they buy flowers! and my in-laws will be in town. Being watched as we hand over our girl sounds terrible. I know I will need some time to grieve, but I will need to slap on a happy face.
I know all will be well, it just sucks for now. So I guess I'll just plan for things to suck for a while.