Scrubs

Does what you do define who you are? Before I give you my answer I have a few stories to tell. Last week I went to Eli's school for grandparents breakfast. While we were standing in the long line of other grandparents and sweet little kiddos I happen to notice that most of the lunchroom ladies had on their Alabama hounds-tooth uniforms. What should have went through my mind was Roll Tide! Oh no, what I thought was “whew, sure am glad I didn’t wear mine today”. Now, another story... on our way to the beach last year we left right after work so Kerrie and I both had our work clothes on. After getting to Orange Beach we decided to run into a store and grab a few things before checking in. We take our items to the front to pay and the guy ask if we work at one of the hotels. Kerrie tells him no, we are in the medical field and just came there from work. Now, back to my question. What I do does not define who I am. Why then, was I so quick to want these people to know I was not a lunchroom worker or a hotel maid? Does working in a medical practice make me a better person? No, it doesn’t! I am the same person regardless of where I work, what kind of car I drive, what type clothes I have or where I live. Before we label someone we need to stop and think. Am I less a person because I'm not a doctor, or drive a new car, or live in a big fine home?  I pray my human pea size brain will be second to my heart the next time I see someone in scrubs so that my thought goes past what they do for a living and more on them as a person!

Signs

Just a few weeks ago I was beside my Daddy when he took his last breath of life. He was 77 years old. Letting go is never an easy thing to do. I have to be honest and say it helps when you really lost them years before God calls them to their forever home. My grandma left me the same way as my Dad. She had Alzheimer's and he had Dementia. You just watch while life as they once knew just disappears. Day by day, moment by moment. Both once full of so much life! Never would they have wanted to spend their last years in a hospital bed having to be cared for like a baby. My Mother was the angel that cared for both of them. Giving up her life to take care of them. Never complaining! She took care of them at home so that she knew they were being treated well, cleaned, feed, and most of all loved. Knowing they were free from those beds and so full of life again in the arms of our Heavenly Father made it easier to let them go. Still, for some reason I have been feeling “flat”. I have questioned myself coming up empty with answers. I loved my Daddy, and I have no doubt he loved me. He loved his grandchildren and spent every second he could with them. He loved his great grandchildren. I took them to visit every weekend. Even after he stop talking he would laugh at Eli acting silly for him. I have no regrets, I said all that needed to be said and did everything I could to help my Mom take care of him. Yesterday, when I got home I believe my “sign” was waiting on me. There on the door handle of the house was the most beautiful butterfly with the prettiest shades of blue on it's wings I have ever seen. It flew off and then back around. In that moment, all I could think of was my Daddy's pretty blue eyes and how free he was now, just like that butterfly. I think that little butterfly was God's most precious way of speaking to me. Telling me that it's okay to let go, that he has my Daddy with him and he is now free from any pain and sorrow. For me, I choose to believe in signs!

Happy Birthday To Me!

What a great day! I woke up and was blessed with another day. I'm so very thankful for ALL my birthday wishes. Facebook is wonderful... how else would we be able to keep up with our friends? With life as busy as can be, work, family and just those everyday problems that pop up we don't have time to talk to each person we know. Within a few minutes we can see if we need to laugh at/with or cry/pray for someone. We have friends we have known for years and friends we may not know very well at all. For me personally today has been a very wonderful day. Seeing all the Happy Birthday's has touched my heart. Thank you for sharing your wishes, I care for each and everyone of you!

It's a GIRL!

Happy Birthday my sweet baby girl.. Kerrie Melissa Milam!!! Thirty years ago today, you and your daddy. The hospital picture.

Me and my new baby girl... not a good hair day for new mommy!

I love you!!!!!!

June 2, 1981

The date that changed my life.... forever! June 2, 1981 was my parents 25th wedding anniversary. What gift should I give them? I know... their first grandchild! Born on this day is Kerrie Melissa Milam. She was named after my dad (his middle name is Cary, I just spelled it different) and my sweet friend of many years Tina (her middle name is Melissa). The last name of Milam truly fits her! If you know the Milam's... well... let's just say other than the blonde hair she is 100% Milam!! I love this little baby girl now my big baby girl with all my heart!!

Soccer Pictures

My sweet Kaylin! This is her first and I'm pretty sure last year of soccer. She loves basketball however, she is not all that excited about soccer. I'm very proud of her for giving it a try and continuing to put all she has into each game. I love you baby girl!!

Two Days... Four Movies

There once was a time not a movie came out that I didn't see. Well, a movie that I thought would be good... not one of those scary movies or the ones that win awards (most are really not worth seeing for free). I love "chick flicks", the ones that make you laugh, cry, happy, sad, you know.. the ones that just make you feel good inside. I love movies and own several ( okay, to many) of my favorite ones. After a marriage, a child, a job, two grandchildren, and tons of other excuses I can't or won't find the time to see movies like a use to. When I do, it's most likely something I'm taking the grand kiddos to see. Yesterday we ( myself, Kaylin, Eli, Connie, Will and Clay) went to see "Rio". Loved it!

Last night I watched "Country Strong". Loved it!

Today, I took Kaylin and Eli to see "Hop". Loved it!

Tonight I finally watched "Eat Pray Love". I hate to admit it to all those that loved this movie... I was bored through most of it. Well, that's my four movies in two days!

Buddy

This is one of many pictures of our dog Buddy (most of the time just "Bud"). It's not a very clear picture however, one of my favorites. He loved that little chair that once was Kaylin's and he just decided it should belong to him. My daughter Kerrie brought him home in 1998 as a puppy. First words from my mouth... NO we are not keeping him. Please don't misunderstand me, I have nothing against animals. I just like them to belong to someone else. I had gone my entire life with only a few cats as pets and they lived outside. Only once did I have an inside cat when I lived at home with my parents. It hurt so bad when something happened to it that I decided no more would I go through that. Boy was I wrong... Bud came into our home and here he stayed. Of course, he became our (mine and Bob's) dog. You know how teenagers are, he was cute but she didn't want the responsibilities that came along with him. Well, to late for us because we were attached. He would sleep with us, getting right between us under the covers at the end of the bed. I wondered how he could breath! As he grew older and bigger (he weighed 40 pounds) we made him a bed in the hallway which he loved. He had a favorite blanket that once was Kerrie's ( it was white with loony toons on it). He would wiggle his way under the blanket so that his entire body would be covered. I have some really funny pictures of him sleeping. He also had a very loud and mean bark for such a short dog. I don't think anyone would try to come in not knowing that he would just lick you to death. At age eleven he started having house allergies and would scratch bald places on himself. We were going on vacation for a week with my sweet niece Connie and her family so decided to put him with her dog outside while we were gone. He had never stayed outside although he loved it...you had to sneak out the door or he would zip out and you would have to chase him down to get him back in! We came back and his hair was growing back so we decided to leave him out. She just lives next door so he still was close. He would turn 13 this October which is very old for a Dotson that is over weight. Within a few weeks he had lost so much weight and just looked bad. I knew it was not good, I could just tell by his eyes. My sweet Connie also saw the fear in my heart so she and Kaylin took him to the vet for me. He had a severe heart murmur and most likely kidney failure. I could not stand the thought of him suffering so we let him go to sleep. We brought him back home and buried him in the back yard of his home with his favorite blanket. I know he is a young pup again and playing with the Angels right now! Who knows, maybe sleeping at our Master's feet... what a wonderful home he now has! Thank you Buddy for all the love you gave us!

Learn To Let Go

Today I was blessed with a warm hug and a new devotional book from my precious friend Lorie. As I read many thoughts came to mind. I really do have so many issues I need and want to let go. Why is it so hard for me? Maybe because I'm not complete, I don't take or make the time to bask in the Light of His Love or I don't rest in His Presence. Who better to give your issues to? If you give something away, something precious, how simple it should be to hand them to Jesus. Thank you Jesus for your perfect timing. Thank you for teaching me and loving me every second of everyday. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you Lorie for being my friend and giving me such a wonderful gift. I needed this lesson today and I have a feeling I'll need all the other ones as well.

Missing You

Casey & Aaden

Last August 8th, my first born nephew Casey Edward Honey turned 22. He has been a huge part of my life since the day he arrived. When I went on vacation, he was right there with us. My love for him has always been just like he was my own son. The same month he turned 22 he took his life. I'm not sure why, I think that's what makes it so hard. Not that it wouldn't hurt if he had left a note. The what ifs and whys .... can really drive you nuts. I believe he just couldn't handle what life had tossed him. He was trying to be a responsible Dad to a beautiful baby boy Aaden, was engaged to be married and was to leave in two weeks for the service. I also believe that for him to leave Aaden whom he loved so so much he had to be in so much pain, more than I could ever imagine. No one had a clue. His sweet momma Kim called me on a Friday morning on my way to work... I will never forget that day. We buried him the following Sunday. End of the story... no. The next Friday I received another phone call. Kim could not take the pain of losing her only child and took her life. We buried her next to Casey the following Sunday. It's been seven months and the hurt is still here. I know that Kim ask for forgiveness and felt the need to be with her son. I know that for Casey to end his life he was in great pain. I know that God does not turn His head when someone is in that much distress. I know that God was there with him and in his final breath he ask Him to forgive him. I know that I have no regrets. I had a good relationship with them both. They both knew I would have done anything for them. I still question myself... what if... what if. I miss you my sweet boy and my sweet friend Kim.