ghost town blog is a ghost town

do i still want to keep writing? 

i think i do. i just didn't have the time or strength to do it. in other words, i am lazy.

anyways. 

i didn't even write this here but if you have me on your fb friendslist you would definitely know that i have gotten engaged last year in October. 27th October to be exact.

When we got engaged, we did not set the date yet as it was supposed to be open for our choice. Some of the elders from my family set that we should marry in six months time, which was not very much supported by ayah since he was still keeping the dates open. 

and then shit happened and stuff and we are definitely getting married this May! Yay!

(when i say shit happened i didn't mean i get knocked up or something. its just too many events to explain so i wont bother)

permudahkan urusanku. amin

this lady here got married

the lady on the right is my kekasih gelap, Illibanana.

That girl in the picture is a dear friend of mine. I can't really remember when was the first time I spoke to her. She was very...silent? And so was I, especially when I see people who has no interest in talking and chatting. I think we somehow became really close in Auckland. We just discovered how equally stupid and crazy we are, and how similar we are in a lot of ways.

Only that she got married earlier to the man who stole mah love :(

Heh kidding :P but seriously. she married the man she loves. dawwww

Congratulations Illi. You know I love you ^^

Lady driver vs Male Driver

ok so woman had been depicted as the worst driver around for ages. I remember hearing my brother say 'ish pompuan la ni' when someone changed lanes without signalling, a car dashes out from an intersection or any other things that is offensive on the road.




(i also remember myself saying 'ish. dah lelaki dah tapi bawak kereta mcm s*** ni apasal' because i thought lelaki were supposed to be maksum on the road)




((maksum means orang yang bebas dari melakukan dosa. only applies to the prophets.))




i don't really have anything to say on my defense. i make sure that if i am driving below 100km/h i stay on the left lane. i only use the right lane to overtake cars and i'm back to the left lane again, if i notice someone high beaming my car i would make way for that impatient driver to go first. i try to know which lane i am going to go in 300m with the help of my trusty gps. i don't put on makeup when i drive. i was never a big fan of camwhoring alone. in short, i always strive to be a good driver.




a commentor said kalau nak keluar main keluar je, masuk simpang signal tak bagi. bila memandu mereka hanya fokus tengok depan. jarang tengok cermin sisi dan belakang. sampaikan motor/kereta dah dekat pun boleh terus keluar. bila tengok siapa pemandunya oh patut lah (walaupun tak semua) sebab tu kat Arab diharamkan memandu. mana yang hebat tu sambil keluar simpang main sms bila dah langgar motor terus panik




well, in my defense, i would say that i have encountered a lot of male drivers who 'kalau nak keluar main keluar je, masuk simpang signal x bagi, bila memandu hanya fokus tengok depan'. let me share my humble experience. i was once driving home from Bentong Town and there was this car on the right lane. i was just cruising on the left lane and i noticed immediately that he was on the phone while driving with only one hand. ok cool. ur a guy so i think u should be able to handle driving and talking on the phone. the next second he was going a little bit to the left and almost hit my car. i had to sound my horn and then he noticed that his car wasnt the only one on the road and hung up. yeah he was a male. i checked. i know how to use my side mirror. kudos to me.




there was another time when i have signalled to switch lanes on the highway. you can ask my plder brother how ridiculously careful i am when it comes to signalling. the car behind me purposely sped up upon seeing my signal. and then i braked of course. guess what he did. he drove to the side of my car, stopped there and started giving me very obscene hand gestures and very very rude facial expression. when he was the one who purposely sped. kamon la. nak tunjuk penumbuk kat perempuan pulak kan




on my way back home recently, it is needless to say yang the driver who cucuk me all the way, kept switching lanes without signalling and was driving recklessly fast on a narrow lane was...suprise suprise. a male driver.




my purpose of writing this is not because i am butthurt or i cannot accept the fact that woman are genetically different to the male species when it comes to driving. of course i know that. i am just saying, stop discriminating woman drivers. yes, male driver tends to be better but it does not automatically make the ladies incapable. yes, woman drivers make mistakes when driving but it does not mean that male drivers are 100% better. don't put woman down just because we were born a woman. that only shows how shallow and judgmental you are.




after all, we are all humans. and as the rule of the world, every human has flaws.

quoting a commenter from the page- yang kereta accident terbalik kat highway tu selalu aku tengok driver lelaki tersepit mintak tolong. tak pernah pulak aku tgk perempuan.

insya-allah tuhan akan menolong kita semua meningkatkan kualiti pemanduan kita, x kisah la lelaki ke perempuan. kita semua kan makhluk tuhan :)

MY BLOG IS DEAD OMAIGASH

Okay so there are a few things I can blame for this situation. i
 am only going to twrite abt reason number one. the rest will have to wait


1.MY JOB IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE
like, 80% of my life is revolved around slaving myself to mostly clerical work and some teaching. the last week of the school was the craziest. i am going to rant about my job now.

i was appointed as the invigilator for SPM 2012, yes i get paid for the job. since the SPM started on Monday, 5th Nov i have not been in school. Unfortunately being out of school was far from relaxing, I had to

a. finish up and submit my SKT form (for those of you who are not teachers, SKT form is to be submitted together with your RPH-Rancangan Pelajaran Harian or something. it is going to be the materials evaluated for your performance throughout the year).

b. give the Buku Resit of all PIBG related payments by the students to the PIBG teacher. problem was there was more forms that came with it and the form was nowhere to be found and i had not enough time to beg everyone to give me a copy of the form and the PIBG teacher was already very pissy towards me but hey. seriously am i at fault if i was only asked to give the receipt book on monday and i only had 1 hour break between my invigilating job to settle more shit? we made up on friday afternoon though. i let her call me senget.

c. finish up all the oral assessment file. i left it untouched since the first semester this year for form 2 and i never touched the file for the whole year for year four. TBH oral assessment for year four totally and completely skipped my mind and i never assessed them. Bad teacher is a bad teacher. oh well. this one took me the whole day to complete, i worked on the year 4's files from 3-5pm and 8-10 pm and the form 2 file took me some more hours, only to be told that i've been filling the wrong form. oh unfair world.

d. Close the attendance record for November. I wonder if i did it correctly. most of the things were done incorrectly so far that i am getting very stressed and paranoid.

e. Asrama matters-i needed to make sure that the girls cleaned their dorms completely with the other 5 wardens. that was actually the things i did on Friday morning before the school ends-terrorize the girls into sweeping the floor under their beds and clearing everything away.

f. PBS!!! gahhh this one is driving me crazy. first off i never changed my pw and i kept forgetting them. pw changed this time so hopefully i wont be forgetting them anymore. it kept signing me out after keying in 4 students. and i also had just found out that students who got an A for their recent final exam can be granted band 5 right away. which i am so screwed as i was probably too strict with my students and as the result  the whole class was still in band 2. 3 kids from my class deserved a band 5 advancement  but i could not give them that because the rule says that they need to be in band 4 already before granted band 5. and i was supposed to make them catch up with the exercises so that they could get a band 5. i was only told this yesterday. kids went home already and there is not much i can do right now. bummer.

i am also now required to write a report why my students are not eligible to get at least band 3. more bummer.



I am getting more and more depressed as i continue writing. Honestly right now i don't find joy in my job. Even i am surprised with the realization but i feel that i am dreading my work more and more. I know people say that the first year of teaching is the most challenging and I am still hoping that it will get better. As for this year, I am making too many mistakes, and people had been quite judgemental and unforgiving. Some people were bent on making things really tough for me and the other new teachers and sometimes i do doubt my decision. Will i ever be good enough as a teacher and as a clerk?

I also begin to strongly feel that teaching is a very oppressive job ever around here in Malaysia. As a new teacher i have been forced to do things i did not want to do, being ridiculed, and the experience is really, really hurtful. I think i have been trying to stay positive about teaching since i wanted to do it so much. i try not to complain even when others openly admit they were beginnign to hate this job. i cannot accept the way some people treat me and at the same time i could not do anything because he/she holds more authority than i do. i hate to be regarded as a mere kuli without rights. i hate to be threatened by some individuals saying i wont be allowed to pass the performance test this year because of some simple mistakes. i am tired of people being harsh to me that sometimes it makes me want to quit.

i am still trying to cope with the fact that i hate what i am doing.

The real adventure actually started on the second day.

oh yeah i am going to write about the experience i had at the Kem Tentera Bentong, Batalion Ke25 Tentera Diraja Malaysia. please forgive me if i have got the name wrong. my whole body is hurting ;p

okay so the second day marks the day where we all drop all luxuries and walk up the hill to get to the camping ground. The camping ground was, as i was told, accessible by cars. I should have asked what kind of car they meant. I chose to walk with my students. there were only 3 (yes, three) female (YES. only FEMALE) teachers who walked with the students. We kind of volunteered ourselves, me and Kak Anis since Cikgu Zul who had been there since the whole thing begins were attacked with Gout. His foot was already swelling pretty bad by the end of the first day so he drove to the campsite. I feel so bad for him. Other male teachers were selfish bastards who have no care for us. anyways. I am not going to talk about them though I am tempted. Buang yang keruh ambil yang jernih, remember?

Okay so. We started walking at 10.30 and the journey was not an easy. It was raining pretty heavily the night before so the ground was really wet and slippery. I felt the strain in my thigh though i was only carrying a water bottle (i didnt carry anthing since the nice army truck has brought our stuff to the site).

the walk up was not too bad but the way down was scary. it was super steep and slippery! i myself fell a number of times and warned my students to slide down if they cannot balance.

we reached the place at 1pm and i was a bit down to find that the reception of phone coverage is as bit like karak, only worse. sometimes we get them really clearly, the next minute you'll be losing your network connection. the amazing thing is that it works well in bags, not in your hands.

there were no toilet, no shower rooms. everything were made out of tents. they have this makeshift toilet. during the day we go down the stream for wudhu, for cleaning yourself, cooking, washing plates and more. life was tough man.

i only mandi once, after coming down from the hill. panas kan. sedap gila berendam.

the night was super cold.

okay i am not going into details. i am going to go nurse my cramped legs and 2 sting marks now. babaya~