Jessica and I were quite surprised when this was delivered to our door here at Brokeback...I mean, uhhhh, Camelback...
it actually was very nice of them...
as long as it's not on our bill.I happened to catch a brief part of Kathie Lee and Hoda a couple of weeks ago. They said they were having an essay contest and the theme was "How does your mom make magic in your life?" If you wanted to enter you had a week or so to submit a five hundred word essay and it would be scored as follows: 30% on how well you respond to the theme of magic, 30% for creativity, and 40% for a compelling story. Well, I kept all of that in mind and this is what I submitted...five hundred words exactly. :)
Ask any of the hundreds of kids she’s taught who their favorite teacher is and they’ll say the same thing: my mom. Magic in the classroom. However, one day last April she left her classroom and never returned to having her own class again. She received the call in the middle of the night that no parent ever wants to receive. Except the call wasn’t about one of her own four children – it was about her son-in-law, my husband. He was in an extremely serious accident, was in a coma, and on life support.
She then had to make the phone call that no parent ever wants to make. She called me, a thousand miles away and eight months pregnant, to tell me what had happened to Keith. My mother stood by my side every second during the weeks to come when we didn’t know if my husband would survive.
She drove me to the hospital when my contractions were close enough together and the baby was on his way. She was with me in the delivery room while we waited hours for my son to make his appearance. She was in the Operating Room when it was determined that I needed a C-section at three o’clock in the morning. She spent each of the five nights with me in my hospital room while I was recovering, never going home once...until I was discharged. She slept on the pullout couch and acted as my other half.
She has since helped me raise my son, Brooks, as my husband remains unresponsive for over a year. She retired from the job she adored to become a full-time “granny” (grandma/nanny) and she has never thought twice about this decision.
My husband continues to be in and out of hospitals, nursing homes, and acute care facilities. Sometimes babies are allowed; sometimes they’re not. Sometimes Keith is infection free and it’s safe to bring Brooks; sometimes he’s not. Without her help there are days I would not be able to tend to my child and my husband. I cannot tell you what a HUGE support she has been over the last year. She's always been awesome, but she has stepped up in a way most are not capable of and she does it without complaining.
She takes my son each morning so I can get a little uninterrupted sleep. She helps feed, bathe and entertain Brooks. She plays with him, reads him books, takes him for walks in the stroller, and teaches him how to feed the neighboring ducks at the pond. She rocks him, loves him, and makes him laugh.
The way that she has transitioned into this new life role is nothing short of magic. Magic: an extraordinary power or influence seemingly from a supernatural source. As a mother, she is magical. As a grandmother, she is magical x 1,000. And in all fairness to her, this piece of writing hasn’t come close to doing her justice. It doesn’t even scratch the surface.
The Story: Jessica and I told my mom that we were going to take her out for breakfast Friday morning around nine to celebrate Mother's Day. While she was getting ready I had Skype pulled up on my computer in my room. The Skype guy from the Today Show called in, we got everything cued, and then I took my computer out to the kitchen. A little before nine my mom came out and said she was ready to go. I had received instructions to have my mom sitting next to me in front of the computer starting at 8:55am and it was up to me to make something up to keep her there. She had no idea about the essay contest and the whole thing was to be a surprise.
My mom isn't technologically savvy. Not at all. She has recently understood what apps are on iPhones so when I told her that I had downloaded a cool app for my computer she didn't bat an eye. I told her that somehow with this app I was able to hack into the Today Show. My computer screen had the actual camera view of what was airing live so she bought it. Until the Skype guy said, "Judy, are you there?" However, my mom thought that this app showed them who was watching. Then Kathie Lee and Hoda came on. I said, "See, it's 10:00 there so we're watching this LIVE. Let's just watch the beginning and then we'll go."
Meanwhile, Jessica starts to video us at my computer and that makes my mom suspicious. She asked what was going on before thinking they must've had a generic mother appreciation tribute or something along those lines. So we continue to watch. Then they mention my name, my mom's name, and Kathie Lee says, "Jan, are you there?" Silence. My mom had NO IDEA what was going on. Here is her reaction:
I entered my mom into the "Magical Mom Essay Contest" that the Today Show had and WON!!! I know that people wish they would've read my essay or talked about our situation, but unfortunately that wasn't part of the deal. The deal was to announce the winner and give us a prize. :) In all honesty, we're lucky they wanted to Skype with us because they could've just announced the winner over the air and left it at that. Anyway, I'll post the essay and a video that my sister took when we were waiting as soon as I can, but until then...here is the link to the Today Show segment: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/37018294#37018294
We are about two and a half minutes into the ten minute clip.
Dear Keithy,
Sometimes I feel like I just can't win. It's like I'm constantly under a microscope. I have never been one to feel like I need to explain myself, and because of this people talk about stuff that they know nothing about. It's annoying. Super annoying. The funny thing is that I know exactly what you would say to me in this situation. And I love you for it. I miss you. Big time.
My trip in a nutshell:
* My mom, Brooks and I landed at 10:30 am on Sunday. Erin picked us up and took us to Tammy's.
* Jamey drove down from Santa Barbara to hang for the day.
* We all went to lunch downtown at The Fish Market. Delicious.
* Monday I went to the doctor, met with our property management lady, got locked out of our safety deposit box, packed up our stuff at Tammy's, checked in to a bed and breakfast, had Anthony take me to my tax appointment because Brooks was sleeping, met friends out for sushi.
* Tuesday I rounded up our property tax information, got my insurance situated, went for round two at the tax place, took Brooks to Keith's work, got Keith's new insurance figured out, went to Keith's aunt and uncle's to hang, looked through some of our papers that they are storing for us, went back to the bed and breakfast, and then Brenda brought Ava over.
* Wednesday morning was greeted with Erin bringing coffee over for a 7am coffee date. Then we packed up and peaced out.
It was a mullet trip. I had a lot to take care of, which I did, but we never quite got to the party in the back. I'm thankful for good friends that worked around the busyness of the business so that I could at least see them while I was there. I love you, friends, and I miss you already.
This is not a "woe is me" or gripe post - this is just a little insight into my life so you can have a little understanding. Very rarely is something easy; most everything is multifaceted, complicated, and ends with hearing that "it's just a very unique situation." For example, I just got back last night from San Diego. I went to get some stuff taken care of, one of which was our taxes. I had to meet with the tax lady twice and on the second visit I saw a thing about student loans. I said, "Keith has student loans." She said, "Oh, how much interest did he pay last year?" I said, "I have no idea." She said, "What bank is the loan through?" I again say that I have no idea but that I can find out really fast if I can use a computer. I go to our bank's website, login, and get a notification that the bank doesn't recognize my computer. As an added protection they emailed me a code to enter with my login and I could only access our account with that code. Fine. An extra step but whatever. So I go to our email. BLOCKED. I now received a new notification to the effect of: checking email at work lowers productivity and is therefore against company policy. Awesome. Then how am I supposed to get my code? Luckily I could check from my phone. I finally get on the loaner's website only to find out they have two options for loans and I don't know which loan Keith has. I call the wrong one. On my second attempt I get through to someone, find out how much interest he paid, and then that one little item is taken care of. This was one of the many joys I had while completing our taxes. I won't go into the fact that the tax lady came close to tears a few times or the dilemma of Keith being the taxpayer, me being the spouse, and not having Keith be able to sign the documents. This wasn't a huge concern because we were e-filing. Until the end when we went to e-file and it wouldn't let us. More roadblocks and blah, blah, blah.
I deal with this kind of stuff all the time. Rarely do I talk about it because once it's done, it's done, and that means there is one less thing to occupy my mind. I don't "not" talk about it to withhold information from anyone. And that's where it gets tricky because sometimes it backfires. If I'm vague then sometimes it makes people more curious and the questions keep coming. People ask, "How was your trip? What did you do?" There is so much going on all the time that it's just easiest to say, "It was good! I got a lot done." I'm not trying to be evasive, but it's really too much to rehash and sometimes I don't even know where to start. But they continue, "Oh really, like what?" "Taxes." "Oh, how did that go?" Hmmmmm...how do I answer that? Unfortunately I usually end up in a lose/lose situation. I don't want to go into the boring details of my tax appointment, however, if I just say, "Good," and leave it at that then I seem rude. Let's keep it real: some people are easy to talk to. Some people mean well but they make conversations more difficult because they just don't get it. Those conversations end up being more annoying than productive. And, with some people, it's just easier not to talk to them period.
Let's continue the above hypothetical conversation: "It went well." "Did you have to go out to California to get them done???" "Probably not, but I just wanted to make sure that everything was done correctly with California state laws. I want to make sure it gets done correctly the first time." "Oh, I know what you mean. When I do my taxes..." and blah, blah, blah. I end up listening to a spiel on taxes when WHO WANTS TO BE TALKING ABOUT TAXES IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Not me. But I sit there and I listen and I am reminded that it is easier to just keep my mouth shut so that I can hopefully avoid these conversations.
I'm not trying to be rude, I'm really not, but sometimes there is just a whole lot going on and it's too much to have these conversations. So I apologize to anyone who has had their feelings hurt this past year because they are not getting enough information from me. It's not intentional; I'm just doing what I need to do to stay sane.
Dear people who come in Keith's room and say, "You must be his...",
His what? His cousin? His sister? I mean really, do you come in often and see other girls sitting next to him in his bed? Of course I'm his wife. I just think it's funny that you never complete the sentence and you draw out the "his" until I answer. Maybe from now on I'll say this, "Oh, actually he doesn't know me. I just read about him on the internet and thought he was cute. Don't tell anybody, but I think I might love him." Now THAT would be great.
Dear Keithy,
Yesterday the occupational therapist came in to stretch you out. She pointed to the bulletin board and remarked how everyone there talks about our pictures. She then looked at you, after looking at the pictures, and said, "It looks like he's pretty tall." So I answered. Then she said, "You guys are a cute a couple." And I thanked her. This woman will never know the power in this seemingly insignificant jaunt of small talk. She is the FIRST person in a really long time not to refer to you in the past tense. And I loved it. But not as much as I love you.
Yay! After having to reschedule twice, I was finally able to have pictures made of Brooks. As luck would have it, Keith went back into the hospital BOTH times the previous pictures were scheduled. The original plan was for a set at six months...but six turned in to eight. Oh well. The photographer, Kelly, is a high school acquaintance turned dorm floor friend turned sorority sister. Her pictures are AWESOME and I was so glad that she was able to take some of Brooksie B. We had them done on Friday evening and she already has a few on her website. If you are in the Dallas area I would recommend her FOR SURE.
CLICK HERE to see them. :)
So they can't hear...I get that, I do. But can theydear dry cleaner guy,
help me understand. i brought in some baby clothes for pressing...pressing only. when you told me it was $1.59/item i said, "oh, then i should just have the shirts laundered because that would be cheaper." i pointed to the HUGE words on your window. the ones that said: men's shirts laundered and pressed 99¢. you told me it wasn't the same. RIGHT. the clothes i brought in are MUCH smaller and faster to deal with. i don't get it. i wanted less done, on super small shirts, yet it costs me more. interesting.
dear keithy,
brooks isn't talking, but he has narrowed his sounds down quite a bit. mostly he sits there and just says, "da-da, da-da, da-da," and so on. i can't decide if this is sweet or super, super depressing. i love you.
dear keithy,
it was SO GREAT to hear that your heart is getting stronger. we got the official results yesterday and it was really nice hearing positive news. the preliminary report stated an improvement, we just didn't know to what extent. your nurse was so great - he had you twice, just not in a row. anyway, we were talking about your heart after he showed me the report and i don't want to forget this conversation. they always estimate the ejection fraction and say that a heart is pumping at 10-20% or 20-25% and yours was 10%. i asked him (the nurse) if a heart can pump less than that. he said, "yes, it could be zero." i knew that so i clarified and asked if an estimated ejection fraction would register at 7% or 8% or if 10% was the lowest number that would register. he didn't think it would go lower and said that 10% was the lowest he's ever seen. i asked if he saw 10% often. he said that he had seen in once, and that was you. i asked if he thought it was usual or unusual for an EF of 10% to be able to sustain life. he didn't think someone could survive with a heart that pumps so little...until he saw you and realized it was possible. he also didn't think an EF could improve...until he saw yours go up. he's not the first nurse i've heard say that. so yay! i heart the progress. now to the brain...that's what we need next. xoxox
dear keith,
tonight, right before the ambulance came to get you, an ICU nurse came in. she was the charge nurse at some point during your stay - maybe even today - and as she read your chart she thought it sounded familiar. she then said that she had received a request to pray for you a long, long time ago and was curious to see if you were the same guy. not too long ago she found herself wondering how you were doing and then, voila, your chart was in front of her. anyway, she's in your facebook group and that's funny to me. what are the odds? seriously. i love you. xoxox
dear keithy,
2010. i don't know what to think. sometimes i'm scared to think about it. my biggest fear is that i will have to plan your funeral. my second biggest fear is that you'll stay this way. i acknowledge these fears and know they are very real possibilities. 2009 was supposed to be so great. the worse thing lurking for us was me losing my job and even that wasn't going to be so bad. i was actually kind of looking forward to it. you weren't, but i was. i was going to be able to stay home with brooks while collecting unemployment for a year before probably being rehired the next year. it was actually quite perfect. how great would that have been if that was the worse thing to happen to us? but despite everything i can't say that 2009 sucked. don't get me wrong, it did, but it could have been SO MUCH WORSE FOR US. first off, you could be gone. but you're not. we could also be in major debt. but we're not. we could be dealing with this in california. but we're not. and the list goes on and on. i literally have no idea what each day brings and i'm learning to rely solely on the Lord for guidance because He is the only One with answers. this is not a lesson i have set out to learn; i feel it is being forced upon me. i seriously feel like the Lord is MAKING me learn this. and it kind of sucks. yesterday when most people were eating black eyed peas and watching football you were getting an echocardiogram, a CT scan of your brain, and a spinal tap. yeah, never saw that stuff in our new year's plans. ever. and that's what i'm learning - my plans mean nothing. i cannot plan; i can rely and trust. yep, right now that's about all i can do. and i can continue to learn even though it's not always fun. but that's what the Lord has planned for me right now and i'll follow His lead. i believe that it is God's desire to have a certain closeness with us - for us to earnestly seek Him while our closeness to Him deepens. my prayer and biggest desire for 2010 is that He allows us to achieve that closeness in joy and happiness rather than in pain and tragedy...together. i love you.
dear keithy,
i love you. i love you a whole lot. but i am TIRED. this is exhausting. and when you go back to the hospital it's tiring x 100. but i will not stop. because there is only one thing i can do for you right now and that is to be there for you. so i will. without a second thought. because i love you. more than anything. can you imagine being in this situation with someone you're not 110% crazy in love with? that would suck. seriously.
in no particular order, here are the three funniest Christmas-related things i've recently heard - two are appropriate...
tiffany told my niece, julia, that she would just e-mail santa to tell him about the item she forgot to mention while sitting on his lap. apparently in this day and age it's totally legit to send an e-mail to the old guy. and to julia it made perfect sense. i'll be curious to see if she gets what she wanted. i can imagine how much e-mail santa gets this time of year.
someone on facebook mentioned what their kids were leaving out for santa to eat while he stopped over at their house. on the list: a starbucks card. that way santa can choose what he would like to drink. clever. i will have to tell brooks about that one in the future...mama likes starbucks. not that santa would leave it for me. i'm just saying...
last and not appropriate, a joke: recent polls indicate that only 22% of americans say, "Merry Christmas." the other 78% say, "Feliz Navidad."
merry Christmas! hope it's a good one. :)
my love,
as i think back to previous "married" Christmases, do you know what one of my favorite things is? how i never spend my Christmas money. after Christmas i shop and i shop...and i charge it all. every time i would come home with my bags and show you all my stuff, like clockwork, you would ask, "oh, that's nice, i like that, did you use your Christmas money?" i would say, "no." because i never bought anything that was "Christmas money worthy". work clothes - nope. basic needed shoes - nope. candles on major sale - uh...nope. last year and maternity clothes - definite nope. my Christmas money philosophy is this: spend it on something you would typically NEVER buy for yourself. if you would by it in july or october because you need it or because it was on sale, then you shouldn't have to use Christmas money for it. even though you didn't like this philosophy, you got it. it made sense. and you never hassled me. so wake up so i can have my fun. xoxox
little lunalu is offering free shipping on ALL orders for the rest of the month. and because the shipping is international this is a great deal. the code is FFDEC09 and the stuff is CUTE. plus, if you CLICK HERE you can see a little picture of brooksie b.
