Well, some good things do happens when we least expecting them.
4 new babies are in my house playing hide and seek with us.
Mom met edward with new fabulous fur. Looks like someone took a liking to edward and take a good care of him.
Business is getting busier everyday.
Sure there's up and down in our life.
We lose something, we get something, we earn something but, that's just a part of life.
Oh and this is my new blog
http://potatooandbanana.blogspot.com/
Thanks for whoever have been with me reading my blog with all babbling and yapping. I apologies for all mistake that I've made which might make you hate me possibly my entire life. But hey, I'm just a normal human. :)
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Grrr.
Rasa tak puas hati sebb tak boleh nak post artwork kat tumblr. GRAAAHHH!!!
Anyways, aku baru download paint tool sai dan mula berdoodle-doodle. Sketch pertama dan kedua.
Masih lagi cuba nak figure out macam mana nak guna tablet.
Masih lagi cuba nak figure out macam mana nak guna tablet.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
13
Hello blog.
I learn something new today.
Something we called love.
Lecturer tu tanya ape beza suka, sayang dgn kasih sayang.
Aku jawab.
Suka hanya untuk sementara, utk satu masa yang singkat. Paling lama boleh bertahan cuma 6 bulan
Sayang, kita sayang orang tu. Tapi, bila orang yang kita sayang tu sakitkan hati kita, hancurkan hati kita. Sayang kita akan terhakis. Sayang boleh bertambah dan berkurang. Depend ape orang yang kita sayang tu buat kat kita.
Kasih sayang adalah satu benda yang berbeza. Sbb, kita tak expect ape2 daripada orang yang kita sayang. Bila dia hancurkan hati kita, sakitkan hati kita. Perasaan sayang kita tidak berkurang sedikit pon malah bertambah lagi kasih kita.
Kasih sayang ni bukan atas sebab kesian atau atas sebab lain. Kasih sayang ni datang dari hati kita yang ikhlas.
Korang ade ramai kawan. Korang ade kawan yang baik, yang boleh tolong korang. Korang sayang kawan korang. Tapi, korang kasih tak kat kawan korang. Bukan korang berkawan kerana korang kesian, korang expect something in return, korang nak guna kawan korang utk benefit korang. Korang ade tak kawan yang korang kasih? Boleh tak korang jujur dalam kasih dan sayang ni?
Ini adalah post terakhir aku. Aku decide aku dah tak nak blogging lagi dah kat sini. Terima kasih kerana membaca blog-blog dan semua entry aku. Walaupon kadang2 ada yang hampeh, ade yang kena kat batang hidung korang, ade yang terasa, ade yang macam macam.
Aku mintak maaf kalau aku tersalah kata dan penulisan.
Just ingatlah, untuk jadi diri korang yang lebih baik, korang kena buat hidup orang lain jadi baik. Kata tu diambik dari sebuah buku macam mana nak jadi mukmin yang terbaik.
I learn something new today.
Something we called love.
Lecturer tu tanya ape beza suka, sayang dgn kasih sayang.
Aku jawab.
Suka hanya untuk sementara, utk satu masa yang singkat. Paling lama boleh bertahan cuma 6 bulan
Sayang, kita sayang orang tu. Tapi, bila orang yang kita sayang tu sakitkan hati kita, hancurkan hati kita. Sayang kita akan terhakis. Sayang boleh bertambah dan berkurang. Depend ape orang yang kita sayang tu buat kat kita.
Kasih sayang adalah satu benda yang berbeza. Sbb, kita tak expect ape2 daripada orang yang kita sayang. Bila dia hancurkan hati kita, sakitkan hati kita. Perasaan sayang kita tidak berkurang sedikit pon malah bertambah lagi kasih kita.
Kasih sayang ni bukan atas sebab kesian atau atas sebab lain. Kasih sayang ni datang dari hati kita yang ikhlas.
Korang ade ramai kawan. Korang ade kawan yang baik, yang boleh tolong korang. Korang sayang kawan korang. Tapi, korang kasih tak kat kawan korang. Bukan korang berkawan kerana korang kesian, korang expect something in return, korang nak guna kawan korang utk benefit korang. Korang ade tak kawan yang korang kasih? Boleh tak korang jujur dalam kasih dan sayang ni?
Ini adalah post terakhir aku. Aku decide aku dah tak nak blogging lagi dah kat sini. Terima kasih kerana membaca blog-blog dan semua entry aku. Walaupon kadang2 ada yang hampeh, ade yang kena kat batang hidung korang, ade yang terasa, ade yang macam macam.
Aku mintak maaf kalau aku tersalah kata dan penulisan.
Just ingatlah, untuk jadi diri korang yang lebih baik, korang kena buat hidup orang lain jadi baik. Kata tu diambik dari sebuah buku macam mana nak jadi mukmin yang terbaik.
12
I don't know what to say really.
You know, when you get old in life things get taken from you. I mean that’s…part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life’s is game of inches.
the margin for error is so small .... I mean one-half a step too late, or too early, and you don’t quite make it. One-half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
In any fight, it’s the guy who is willing to die is who gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what living is!
You know, when you get old in life things get taken from you. I mean that’s…part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life’s is game of inches.
the margin for error is so small .... I mean one-half a step too late, or too early, and you don’t quite make it. One-half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
In any fight, it’s the guy who is willing to die is who gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willing to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what living is!
It made me think..
What... are you afraid of?
When I think about it. Yea, I fear about lots things. Some of it, I got over it. Some of it, I'm battling with it.
But, in the end. I just afraid of my shadow.
When I think about it. Yea, I fear about lots things. Some of it, I got over it. Some of it, I'm battling with it.
But, in the end. I just afraid of my shadow.
Today's Life Lesson
Listen to me!
Pain is temporary
It may last for minute or an hour or even a year.
But eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place
If I quit, however, it will last FOREVER!
You're spoiled, you're spoiled. Just bottom line.
Your parents have done everything for you.
You don't have to do anything for you, just sitting in your room and do nothing.
You're a spoiled brats.
If you ever got in trouble, somebody in your house got you out of it.
Every time you do something you're not suppose to do, people say "Eh! you mother had told ya"
You're right! She's mean but she developed a man.
Because she put you out there and say "You have to grow up" and some of you never learn how to grow up.
So, every time something got hard you quit and you call you momma.
I DARE YOU TO TAKE A LITTLE PAIN.
I dare you.
I dare you to not go home.
Some of you might say "If I don't go home, I feel bad"
So go through it
Live or die, at the end of pain is SUCCESS!
You're not gonna die because you feel a little pain.
"I'm not eating like I eat at home"
That's why you keep going to you mother because you keep eating like you eat at home.
You keep being a boy or a girl.
Now, it's time to be a MAN! A real man.
Well, I'm exactly where I want to be.
Because I realize I got to commit my very being to the stand.
I got to eat it, I got to breath it, I got to sleep it.
Until you get there, you'll never be successful in life.
But once you get there, I'll guarantee the world is yours.
So, work hard and you can have everything that you want.
Pain is temporary
It may last for minute or an hour or even a year.
But eventually, it will subside and something else will take its place
If I quit, however, it will last FOREVER!
You're spoiled, you're spoiled. Just bottom line.
Your parents have done everything for you.
You don't have to do anything for you, just sitting in your room and do nothing.
You're a spoiled brats.
If you ever got in trouble, somebody in your house got you out of it.
Every time you do something you're not suppose to do, people say "Eh! you mother had told ya"
You're right! She's mean but she developed a man.
Because she put you out there and say "You have to grow up" and some of you never learn how to grow up.
So, every time something got hard you quit and you call you momma.
I DARE YOU TO TAKE A LITTLE PAIN.
I dare you.
I dare you to not go home.
Some of you might say "If I don't go home, I feel bad"
So go through it
Live or die, at the end of pain is SUCCESS!
You're not gonna die because you feel a little pain.
"I'm not eating like I eat at home"
That's why you keep going to you mother because you keep eating like you eat at home.
You keep being a boy or a girl.
Now, it's time to be a MAN! A real man.
Well, I'm exactly where I want to be.
Because I realize I got to commit my very being to the stand.
I got to eat it, I got to breath it, I got to sleep it.
Until you get there, you'll never be successful in life.
But once you get there, I'll guarantee the world is yours.
So, work hard and you can have everything that you want.
11
Hello blog.
Hari ni aku tengah browse internet nak cari pasal hukum hakam tapi ntah macam mana tertiba terjumpa satu blog ni.
Interesting. xD
Credit to the blogger
http://ratutakcantik.blogspot.com/2011/07/cinta-dunia2-4-jenis-lelaki-setia-yang.html
Sapa2 nak kenal aku boleh la judge aku macam mana ye. Haha
Hari ni aku tengah browse internet nak cari pasal hukum hakam tapi ntah macam mana tertiba terjumpa satu blog ni.
Interesting. xD
Credit to the blogger
http://ratutakcantik.blogspot.com/2011/07/cinta-dunia2-4-jenis-lelaki-setia-yang.html
Sapa2 nak kenal aku boleh la judge aku macam mana ye. Haha
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
10
Today, I was browsing something on the net and I found many interesting things
Are you born to be great?
How much can you achieve?
How many people say you can't do this or you can't do that?
Do you blame others when things not going your way?
Will you give up when life beats you down and make sure you won't ever get up again?
Who do you live your life for?
Can you look into your friend's eyes and says "You are my good friend" and willing to support them during up and down.
We can sit down and get our asses get kicked OR we can fight back
Excuses? Do I ask for your excuses?
Just Remember, people will always blame on you on every little thing they do to soothe their heart. But, what you do will define who you are. What you can achieve. How great can you be.
People will always hate you for who you are. Will always find something, anything to cover their weaknesses.
People judge. Because they can. They don't know you. They don't know what you have done. They don't know what you've been through. They don't understand you. They will assume things. When their assumption goes wrong, they will try to level you up to their assumption level.
People will says anything.
But, when you believe.
When you believe you can do it
When you believe with your heart and your mind agrees.
NOTHING! Nothing can stop you.
You will go through hell. But, just keep going. keep going. keep going until the end because at the end, is SUCCESS
I'm gonna show YOU how great I am and make sure you remember how great I can be
Are you born to be great?
How much can you achieve?
How many people say you can't do this or you can't do that?
Do you blame others when things not going your way?
Will you give up when life beats you down and make sure you won't ever get up again?
Who do you live your life for?
Can you look into your friend's eyes and says "You are my good friend" and willing to support them during up and down.
We can sit down and get our asses get kicked OR we can fight back
Excuses? Do I ask for your excuses?
Just Remember, people will always blame on you on every little thing they do to soothe their heart. But, what you do will define who you are. What you can achieve. How great can you be.
People will always hate you for who you are. Will always find something, anything to cover their weaknesses.
People judge. Because they can. They don't know you. They don't know what you have done. They don't know what you've been through. They don't understand you. They will assume things. When their assumption goes wrong, they will try to level you up to their assumption level.
People will says anything.
But, when you believe.
When you believe you can do it
When you believe with your heart and your mind agrees.
NOTHING! Nothing can stop you.
You will go through hell. But, just keep going. keep going. keep going until the end because at the end, is SUCCESS
I'm gonna show YOU how great I am and make sure you remember how great I can be
9
Lately, aku banyak receive life lessons lecture dari ramai orang.
Aku akan tapis satu2 sebab banyak sangat benda. Kena ingat balik.
Kebanyakan dorang cita tak de la nak direct tuju kat aku. Tapi, mmg kena batang hidung aku bila aku renungkan balik.
...
Aku rasa, kali ni aku nak cakap pasal hoki la kot.
Kepentingan ko dalam satu satu kumpulan
Berapa penting ko dalam satu kumpulan tu?
Selama 7 tahun aku main hoki. Macam macam yang jadi. 3-4 kali masuk spital tapi, tak berhenti lagi main hoki. Bila orang dah tak nak aku, dia campak ke team sana. Campak ke team sini.
Ape yang aku ingat. Coach aku, mmg seorang yang baik. Bila masuk spital, dia visit setiap hari. Bila aku kena campak ke team lain. Dia amek aku masuk team dia.
On the other hand. Ade 2 org yang aku tau. Perangainya, dia tau ape yang dia nak dalam hidup dia dan team dia. Bila dia perlukan orang, dia akan cari orang nak cukupkan team dia. Bila dia tak perlukan. Haram, campak aku macam buangan. Then, mula la cari benda buruk pasal aku. Depressing jap bila ingat.
Aku tengok, diorang mmg perhatikan aku sejak dari mula lagi. Tak tanya direct. Tapi, perhatikan setiap gerak geri aku. Mana la tau, aku boleh digunakan masa depan.
Aku sebenarnya seorang yang loyal. Tapi, dengan cara aku sendiri. Hey, setiap orang berbeza kan?
Aku ingat lagi team warriors yang aku main selama 6 season berturut2. Bila team dibubarkan, aku rasa sedih teramat sangat. Aku still nak team tu maju. Walaupon aku tak de dalam team tu. Aku ingat lagi masa kali ke-2 aku masuk spital dan dalam tempoh rehat. Aku ref satu game warrior lawan satu team. Aku agak berat sebelah kearah team warriors.
Kalau Warrior dihidupkan balik. Aku akan berusaha masuk dalam team tu. Tapi, team aku skang adalah Wildcat. Tunggu masa la kot nak adjust. Baru 1 season aku masuk. Lepas tu jatuh sakit lagi
In time, I will be better and be greater than I am now
Aku akan tapis satu2 sebab banyak sangat benda. Kena ingat balik.
Kebanyakan dorang cita tak de la nak direct tuju kat aku. Tapi, mmg kena batang hidung aku bila aku renungkan balik.
...
Aku rasa, kali ni aku nak cakap pasal hoki la kot.
Kepentingan ko dalam satu satu kumpulan
Berapa penting ko dalam satu kumpulan tu?
Selama 7 tahun aku main hoki. Macam macam yang jadi. 3-4 kali masuk spital tapi, tak berhenti lagi main hoki. Bila orang dah tak nak aku, dia campak ke team sana. Campak ke team sini.
Ape yang aku ingat. Coach aku, mmg seorang yang baik. Bila masuk spital, dia visit setiap hari. Bila aku kena campak ke team lain. Dia amek aku masuk team dia.
On the other hand. Ade 2 org yang aku tau. Perangainya, dia tau ape yang dia nak dalam hidup dia dan team dia. Bila dia perlukan orang, dia akan cari orang nak cukupkan team dia. Bila dia tak perlukan. Haram, campak aku macam buangan. Then, mula la cari benda buruk pasal aku. Depressing jap bila ingat.
Aku tengok, diorang mmg perhatikan aku sejak dari mula lagi. Tak tanya direct. Tapi, perhatikan setiap gerak geri aku. Mana la tau, aku boleh digunakan masa depan.
Aku sebenarnya seorang yang loyal. Tapi, dengan cara aku sendiri. Hey, setiap orang berbeza kan?
Aku ingat lagi team warriors yang aku main selama 6 season berturut2. Bila team dibubarkan, aku rasa sedih teramat sangat. Aku still nak team tu maju. Walaupon aku tak de dalam team tu. Aku ingat lagi masa kali ke-2 aku masuk spital dan dalam tempoh rehat. Aku ref satu game warrior lawan satu team. Aku agak berat sebelah kearah team warriors.
Kalau Warrior dihidupkan balik. Aku akan berusaha masuk dalam team tu. Tapi, team aku skang adalah Wildcat. Tunggu masa la kot nak adjust. Baru 1 season aku masuk. Lepas tu jatuh sakit lagi
In time, I will be better and be greater than I am now
8
Hari ni life lesson kena lecture pasal kawan.
"Kawan ade beberapa jenis" lecturer kata
1. Kenalan.
-Yang mana kita cuma tau nama dia, kerja dia, tinggal dimana dan sebagainya
2. Kawan tepi jalan.
-Yang mana kalau kita jumpa. Kita boleh duduk dan berborak.
3. Kawan yang boleh bawak ke rumah.
- Kawan yang kita boleh trust utk bercerita masalah kita dan dia tak kan bocorkan rahsia kita
4. Kawan yang boleh bawak ke bilik kita.
-Kawan jenis ni kita panggil sahabat. Yang mana dia sanggup support kita masa kita up dan down.
5. Kawan yang boleh bawak tido dgn kita
-(Aku tak sure sebab lecturer tu tak explain detail tapi korang paham2 je la)
So, korang berkawan dgn seseorang pada tahap mana.
Lecturer tu lecturer lagi.
Sesetengah orang, bila berkawan. Dia kawan just for benefit. Bila dah tak de benefit, dia tinggal mcm tu je.
Sesetengah orang, bila berkawan. Dia sanggup buat ape je utk kawan dia.
Sesetengah orang, bila berkawan. Dia berpura-pura. Dia tikam belakang kawan dia.
Sedar atau tidak, bila kita berkawan dgn seseorang dan kalau relation pada masa itu adalah baik. Kita sanggup buat apa saja utk kawan kita.
Tapi, bila relation kita dgn seseorang tak baik. Sanggup lagi ke kita berkawan dgn dia. Lagi2 kalau kawan kita buat sakitkan hati kita walaupon dia tak sengaja sakitkan hati.
Berapa ramai antara kita boleh tengok direct kat mata kawan kita dan cakap " Ko kawan baik aku dan aku sanggup buat ape je utk ko" dan actually buat benda tu.
Berapa ramai antara kita boleh dipanggil sahabat?
Ape yang aku boleh rumuskan dari lectuce 3 jam yang aku receive. Jagalah persahabatan korang. Sebab bila korang susah, sahabat korang boleh dan akan tolong korang dan dorang expect benda yang sama dari korang. Janganlah just assume, judge, dan bersangka buruk terhadap kawan korang. Kalau ade problem, tanya dorang. Kalau diorang perlukan support mental atau support fizikal. Offer. Kalau dia tak nak terima, tak per. Pilihan diorang.
Sedar atau tidak, ramai antara kita just berkawan utk benefit kita. Bila kawan kita susah, kita tinggalkan dia. Bila kawan sakitkan hati kita, kita cerita semua keburukan pasal kawan kita kat kawan kita yang lain sbb nak sedapkan hati kita. Korang buat macam tu ke kat kawan korang?
Cuba korang renungkan. Berapa ramai kawan yang boleh korang panggil sahabat?
"Kawan ade beberapa jenis" lecturer kata
1. Kenalan.
-Yang mana kita cuma tau nama dia, kerja dia, tinggal dimana dan sebagainya
2. Kawan tepi jalan.
-Yang mana kalau kita jumpa. Kita boleh duduk dan berborak.
3. Kawan yang boleh bawak ke rumah.
- Kawan yang kita boleh trust utk bercerita masalah kita dan dia tak kan bocorkan rahsia kita
4. Kawan yang boleh bawak ke bilik kita.
-Kawan jenis ni kita panggil sahabat. Yang mana dia sanggup support kita masa kita up dan down.
5. Kawan yang boleh bawak tido dgn kita
-(Aku tak sure sebab lecturer tu tak explain detail tapi korang paham2 je la)
So, korang berkawan dgn seseorang pada tahap mana.
Lecturer tu lecturer lagi.
Sesetengah orang, bila berkawan. Dia kawan just for benefit. Bila dah tak de benefit, dia tinggal mcm tu je.
Sesetengah orang, bila berkawan. Dia sanggup buat ape je utk kawan dia.
Sesetengah orang, bila berkawan. Dia berpura-pura. Dia tikam belakang kawan dia.
Sedar atau tidak, bila kita berkawan dgn seseorang dan kalau relation pada masa itu adalah baik. Kita sanggup buat apa saja utk kawan kita.
Tapi, bila relation kita dgn seseorang tak baik. Sanggup lagi ke kita berkawan dgn dia. Lagi2 kalau kawan kita buat sakitkan hati kita walaupon dia tak sengaja sakitkan hati.
Berapa ramai antara kita boleh tengok direct kat mata kawan kita dan cakap " Ko kawan baik aku dan aku sanggup buat ape je utk ko" dan actually buat benda tu.
Berapa ramai antara kita boleh dipanggil sahabat?
Ape yang aku boleh rumuskan dari lectuce 3 jam yang aku receive. Jagalah persahabatan korang. Sebab bila korang susah, sahabat korang boleh dan akan tolong korang dan dorang expect benda yang sama dari korang. Janganlah just assume, judge, dan bersangka buruk terhadap kawan korang. Kalau ade problem, tanya dorang. Kalau diorang perlukan support mental atau support fizikal. Offer. Kalau dia tak nak terima, tak per. Pilihan diorang.
Sedar atau tidak, ramai antara kita just berkawan utk benefit kita. Bila kawan kita susah, kita tinggalkan dia. Bila kawan sakitkan hati kita, kita cerita semua keburukan pasal kawan kita kat kawan kita yang lain sbb nak sedapkan hati kita. Korang buat macam tu ke kat kawan korang?
Cuba korang renungkan. Berapa ramai kawan yang boleh korang panggil sahabat?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
7
Hello blog.
Skang aku tau ape yang patut aku buat
Aku still akan berusaha bersungguh sungguh utk aku capai ape yang aku target. Tak nak la ape yang aku buat dan cakap berlawanan.
Aku akan sentiasa berfikir dan berfikir.
Aku tak kesah la ape org nak fikir pasal aku atau cakap pasal aku. Itu pilihan diorang. Bukan semua benda aku boleh kawal.
Chiao
Skang aku tau ape yang patut aku buat
Aku still akan berusaha bersungguh sungguh utk aku capai ape yang aku target. Tak nak la ape yang aku buat dan cakap berlawanan.
Aku akan sentiasa berfikir dan berfikir.
Aku tak kesah la ape org nak fikir pasal aku atau cakap pasal aku. Itu pilihan diorang. Bukan semua benda aku boleh kawal.
Chiao
6
Everything suddenly changed for me in just 1 month. Too drastic should I say.
Still trying to adapt with this situation as fast as i could.
Slowly I begin to understand everything little things which I should already understand long long time ago.
After continuously hard thinking day by day, week by week. I now look life from different perspective. I now have lots lots of question. Sometimes, very ridiculous question and sometimes very good question but nevertheless it is something I should have done long long time ago.
It used to be "Never regret in whatever you have done up until now" but now, I regretted every single things I have done so far.
Maybe I live by "Enjoy life to the fullest" which is I think for people who don't have time for themselves and they must enjoy every moment they had in life.
Just got back from cousin's wedding. It was so very grand. They spend almost rm 250k from what I heard. I was thinking, I want to be like what my cousin's dad does.
I think, if I have to sacrifice my happiness, my everything to be successful. Why not?
Better if I struggle with my life now than I have to struggle later on.
I wish I could turn back the clock but it's no use to look back in the past.
Well, this is the time I should say goodbye to me and to whoever who read this later on.
Thanks and goodbye. Hope to see you another time.
Still trying to adapt with this situation as fast as i could.
Slowly I begin to understand everything little things which I should already understand long long time ago.
After continuously hard thinking day by day, week by week. I now look life from different perspective. I now have lots lots of question. Sometimes, very ridiculous question and sometimes very good question but nevertheless it is something I should have done long long time ago.
It used to be "Never regret in whatever you have done up until now" but now, I regretted every single things I have done so far.
Maybe I live by "Enjoy life to the fullest" which is I think for people who don't have time for themselves and they must enjoy every moment they had in life.
Just got back from cousin's wedding. It was so very grand. They spend almost rm 250k from what I heard. I was thinking, I want to be like what my cousin's dad does.
I think, if I have to sacrifice my happiness, my everything to be successful. Why not?
Better if I struggle with my life now than I have to struggle later on.
I wish I could turn back the clock but it's no use to look back in the past.
Well, this is the time I should say goodbye to me and to whoever who read this later on.
Thanks and goodbye. Hope to see you another time.
5
Last night I was feeling that well.Not sure why.
Anyways, today I wake up early like usual and can't sleep until I finish my subuh prayer.
Checked tweet and found "i want to be your everything; so i don't mind if you break my heart into pieces. i'll piece it up again."
Wow, lucky person. I really hope that lucky person won't break the tweeter's heart that often though. It's not nice right?
I was thinking again yesterday and I speak with my friend about how to improve and I was given a real bitch slap right onto my face.
"What happens to I want to improve?"
"Action speak louder than word"
"You should put away all your distractions"
It was a very harsh lecture but nevertheless I realise,
I need to focus on what I need to focus. I remembered I watched some videos on being successful.
"When you want to be successful as bad as you want to breath, then you'll be successful"
After the lecture, I don't feel like I enjoy what I used to enjoy. I only can think of I need to put some action and put away all my distraction.
Oh... Subuh prayer is calling. I'll be back
Anyways, today I wake up early like usual and can't sleep until I finish my subuh prayer.
Checked tweet and found "i want to be your everything; so i don't mind if you break my heart into pieces. i'll piece it up again."
Wow, lucky person. I really hope that lucky person won't break the tweeter's heart that often though. It's not nice right?
I was thinking again yesterday and I speak with my friend about how to improve and I was given a real bitch slap right onto my face.
"What happens to I want to improve?"
"Action speak louder than word"
"You should put away all your distractions"
It was a very harsh lecture but nevertheless I realise,
I need to focus on what I need to focus. I remembered I watched some videos on being successful.
"When you want to be successful as bad as you want to breath, then you'll be successful"
After the lecture, I don't feel like I enjoy what I used to enjoy. I only can think of I need to put some action and put away all my distraction.
Oh... Subuh prayer is calling. I'll be back
Saturday, April 21, 2012
4
Lepas semayang subuh.
Aku terfikir. Sejak dia masuk intern. Dia nampak macam orang baru. Tapi, bila difikir balik. Actually, more of dah lama aku tak nampak diri dia yang lama. Which is, orang yang happy go lucky. Suka bersosial dan get together.
Hari tu lunch, mmg la dia happy jumpa dgn aku. Tapi, bila dia jumpa kawan2 intern dia. Nampak happy dia lagi happy dari dgn aku. Well, at least dia happy.
Aku terfikir lagi, baik aku mcm hilangkan diri dari hidup dia kan?
Walaupon dia cakap dia kesah lagi pasal aku. Aku rasa agak bersalah di situ. Disebabkan dia kesah lagi pasal aku membuatkan dia tak happy dgn aku kan?
So, aku dah buat keputusan. Aku tak nak kacau hidup dia lagi.
Aku mcm dapat gerak hati. Walaupon si A confess kat dia, prolly lepas intern dan lepas dia break dgn current gf dia. Kawan baik aku ni macam tak nak kepunyaan sesiapa sampai lah hati dia mcm tenang sikit. Baru la dia bersedia nak berpunya.
Tak kesah la. Asalkan dia happy dan bahagia. Dah cukup dah buat aku. Walaupon bermaksud aku kena keluar dari hidup dia. :)
Kalau dia perlukan aku.Aku sentiasa ade kat sini. Tak pergi kemana-mana. Aku doakan supaya Allah berikan ketabahan, kecekalan dan kesabaran utk dia hadapi rintangan hidup ini.
Be back
Aku terfikir. Sejak dia masuk intern. Dia nampak macam orang baru. Tapi, bila difikir balik. Actually, more of dah lama aku tak nampak diri dia yang lama. Which is, orang yang happy go lucky. Suka bersosial dan get together.
Hari tu lunch, mmg la dia happy jumpa dgn aku. Tapi, bila dia jumpa kawan2 intern dia. Nampak happy dia lagi happy dari dgn aku. Well, at least dia happy.
Aku terfikir lagi, baik aku mcm hilangkan diri dari hidup dia kan?
Walaupon dia cakap dia kesah lagi pasal aku. Aku rasa agak bersalah di situ. Disebabkan dia kesah lagi pasal aku membuatkan dia tak happy dgn aku kan?
So, aku dah buat keputusan. Aku tak nak kacau hidup dia lagi.
Aku mcm dapat gerak hati. Walaupon si A confess kat dia, prolly lepas intern dan lepas dia break dgn current gf dia. Kawan baik aku ni macam tak nak kepunyaan sesiapa sampai lah hati dia mcm tenang sikit. Baru la dia bersedia nak berpunya.
Tak kesah la. Asalkan dia happy dan bahagia. Dah cukup dah buat aku. Walaupon bermaksud aku kena keluar dari hidup dia. :)
Kalau dia perlukan aku.Aku sentiasa ade kat sini. Tak pergi kemana-mana. Aku doakan supaya Allah berikan ketabahan, kecekalan dan kesabaran utk dia hadapi rintangan hidup ini.
Be back
Friday, April 20, 2012
3
Hari ni aku takut je kalau ade pape yang aku buat atau tulis dalam blog atau twitter buat dia marah.
Lain giler bunyi tweet dia. Macam marah kat seseorang tapi, tak tau sapa.
Aku nak tanya tapi, takkan la nak tanya direct kot. Relationship pon aku rasa mcam masih tegang lagi.
Aku terfikir nak kasi lebih space lagi. Bersalah jugak bila ingat balik ape yang aku dah buat selama 5 tahun kat dia sampai buatkan dia remuk dan tawar hati. Parah tu.
Kalau aku cakap kat dia. Mesti dia marah. Tapi, ape nak buat. Perasaan bersalah tu masih ade dalam minda dan hati aku. Dx
Anyways, aku ingat tak nak msg dia. Melainkan dia msg aku dan jugak tak nak menaruh harapan sangat kalau dia tak msg ke. Sbb dia pon tgh bz lagipon tgh heartbroken dgn aku dan benda lain yang mana aku tak berani nak tanya.
Dulu boleh je kacau kacau. Sekarang mana la boleh dah. Tak sama macam dulu dah. Nak flirt langsung tak boleh kan? Nak ajak hangout ke. Nak ajak lunch ke. Mana boleh dah. Relationship skang macam awkward good friend. LOL .
First time merasa.
Jarang ada benda yang buat aku regret. Relationship ni adalah salah satu. Bukanlah regret sbb jumpa dia. Aku bersyukur gila jumpa dia. Dia melengkapi hidup aku selama 5 tahun. Tapi, apa yang aku regret adalah sebab aku tak boleh nak melengkapi hidup dia.
Ada 4 sebab yang aku kenalpasti aku tak boleh nak lengkapkan hidup dia. Tapi, tak pe. Aku akan belajar dari kesilapan ni dan bangkit semula. Maybe jugak kalau dia berhenti salahkan diri dia sendiri dalam satu2 relationship. Aku nak dia happy dalam hidup dia. Sigh
Aku sedar banyak benda aku terikut-ikut dgn dia. Macam makanan yang dia suka dan benci. Benda yang dia suka buat. Gaya lukisan aku pon nak serupa sikit dgn dia. Maybe sebab dah biasa bersama kot. Who knows?
5 tahun relation. Tiba2 break. Walaupon aku sentiasa mengingatkan diri aku, satu hari nanti aku mungkin kehilangan dia dan dah prepare minda aku. Tapi, nampaknya aku tak betol2 prepare. :(
Dalam masa 5 tahun, aku selalu terfikir. Ape yang sebenarnya dia nak dalam relationship ni?
Macam mana nak buat dia happy. Dah puas orang aku tanya. Dah puas buku aku baca. Semua cakap benda sama. So, aku put into action slowly slowly. Tak tau la dia sedar ke tak. Communication problem dari 2-2 belah pihak.
Rupa-rupanya, aku tersilap. Aku patut fikir pasal long-term bukan short-term
SIGH... "Sleeping with heavy heart that sigh" -Aikay666
Lain giler bunyi tweet dia. Macam marah kat seseorang tapi, tak tau sapa.
Aku nak tanya tapi, takkan la nak tanya direct kot. Relationship pon aku rasa mcam masih tegang lagi.
Aku terfikir nak kasi lebih space lagi. Bersalah jugak bila ingat balik ape yang aku dah buat selama 5 tahun kat dia sampai buatkan dia remuk dan tawar hati. Parah tu.
Kalau aku cakap kat dia. Mesti dia marah. Tapi, ape nak buat. Perasaan bersalah tu masih ade dalam minda dan hati aku. Dx
Anyways, aku ingat tak nak msg dia. Melainkan dia msg aku dan jugak tak nak menaruh harapan sangat kalau dia tak msg ke. Sbb dia pon tgh bz lagipon tgh heartbroken dgn aku dan benda lain yang mana aku tak berani nak tanya.
Dulu boleh je kacau kacau. Sekarang mana la boleh dah. Tak sama macam dulu dah. Nak flirt langsung tak boleh kan? Nak ajak hangout ke. Nak ajak lunch ke. Mana boleh dah. Relationship skang macam awkward good friend. LOL .
First time merasa.
Jarang ada benda yang buat aku regret. Relationship ni adalah salah satu. Bukanlah regret sbb jumpa dia. Aku bersyukur gila jumpa dia. Dia melengkapi hidup aku selama 5 tahun. Tapi, apa yang aku regret adalah sebab aku tak boleh nak melengkapi hidup dia.
Ada 4 sebab yang aku kenalpasti aku tak boleh nak lengkapkan hidup dia. Tapi, tak pe. Aku akan belajar dari kesilapan ni dan bangkit semula. Maybe jugak kalau dia berhenti salahkan diri dia sendiri dalam satu2 relationship. Aku nak dia happy dalam hidup dia. Sigh
Aku sedar banyak benda aku terikut-ikut dgn dia. Macam makanan yang dia suka dan benci. Benda yang dia suka buat. Gaya lukisan aku pon nak serupa sikit dgn dia. Maybe sebab dah biasa bersama kot. Who knows?
5 tahun relation. Tiba2 break. Walaupon aku sentiasa mengingatkan diri aku, satu hari nanti aku mungkin kehilangan dia dan dah prepare minda aku. Tapi, nampaknya aku tak betol2 prepare. :(
Dalam masa 5 tahun, aku selalu terfikir. Ape yang sebenarnya dia nak dalam relationship ni?
Macam mana nak buat dia happy. Dah puas orang aku tanya. Dah puas buku aku baca. Semua cakap benda sama. So, aku put into action slowly slowly. Tak tau la dia sedar ke tak. Communication problem dari 2-2 belah pihak.
Rupa-rupanya, aku tersilap. Aku patut fikir pasal long-term bukan short-term
SIGH... "Sleeping with heavy heart that sigh" -Aikay666
2
Post ni lebih kepada mengingatkan diri sendiri.
Aku berfikir macam mana nak berdikari.
Aku senaraikan 5 benda yang utama
1. Makan ikut waktu (2 - 3 jam)
-> Breakfast - Penting
-> Brunch
-> Lunch
-> Tea time?
-> Dinner
-> Supper
Kalau badan tak segar. Otak tak segar
2. Solat 5 waktu. Solat awal waktu
-> Subuh
-> Zohor
-> Asar
-> Magrib -----> Solat hajat & baca yasiin
-> Isyak
---------> Qiamullail
3. Jangan bergantung harap pada orang lain. Jangan letak harapan pon.
-> Masalah sendiri, setel sendiri
-> Ada masalah. Tak yah cite. Distract minda ke arah lain. Baca buku ke
-> Expect orang nak tolong? Nanti sendiri jatuh tersembam
Boleh dikatakan jadi lone ranger la jugakkan?
4. Cari duit makan sendiri
-> Semua kawan yang aku kenal dah tak bergantung pada mak dan ayah untuk makan sesuap nasi dah. Semua ada kerja nak cari makan
-> Duit elaun bulanan. Simpan. Beli rumah ke tanah ke.
5. Belajar untuk capai 3.3 pointer
-> Belajar skill baru. Apply. Explore lagi
-> Asah skill yang sedia ada. Buat improvement dari hari ke hari.
-> Tanya kalau bodoh. Tanya je sesapa. Baru bodoh yang boleh belajar dari pandai tak boleh diajar.
Konklusi.
Untuk capai target ni. Aku kena keluar dari comfort zone aku yang mana aku dah post sebelom ni.
Kena sacrifice happiness sekarang untuk masa depan yang lebih cerah. Tinggalkan semua benda yang boleh melalaikan aku.
Bertanggungjawab atas diri sendiri!
Aku berfikir macam mana nak berdikari.
Aku senaraikan 5 benda yang utama
1. Makan ikut waktu (2 - 3 jam)
-> Breakfast - Penting
-> Brunch
-> Lunch
-> Tea time?
-> Dinner
-> Supper
Kalau badan tak segar. Otak tak segar
2. Solat 5 waktu. Solat awal waktu
-> Subuh
-> Zohor
-> Asar
-> Magrib -----> Solat hajat & baca yasiin
-> Isyak
---------> Qiamullail
3. Jangan bergantung harap pada orang lain. Jangan letak harapan pon.
-> Masalah sendiri, setel sendiri
-> Ada masalah. Tak yah cite. Distract minda ke arah lain. Baca buku ke
-> Expect orang nak tolong? Nanti sendiri jatuh tersembam
Boleh dikatakan jadi lone ranger la jugakkan?
4. Cari duit makan sendiri
-> Semua kawan yang aku kenal dah tak bergantung pada mak dan ayah untuk makan sesuap nasi dah. Semua ada kerja nak cari makan
-> Duit elaun bulanan. Simpan. Beli rumah ke tanah ke.
5. Belajar untuk capai 3.3 pointer
-> Belajar skill baru. Apply. Explore lagi
-> Asah skill yang sedia ada. Buat improvement dari hari ke hari.
-> Tanya kalau bodoh. Tanya je sesapa. Baru bodoh yang boleh belajar dari pandai tak boleh diajar.
Konklusi.
Untuk capai target ni. Aku kena keluar dari comfort zone aku yang mana aku dah post sebelom ni.
Kena sacrifice happiness sekarang untuk masa depan yang lebih cerah. Tinggalkan semua benda yang boleh melalaikan aku.
Bertanggungjawab atas diri sendiri!
Challenge Cup of Asia (India)
This is me representing Malaysia for Ice hockey. Weird huh? Malaysia? Ice hockey?
Well, nothing is impossible. it's just bloody damn hard.
For me to get to this level. I fall hard many times. Outcasted my senior team. Admitted into ccu and latest icu for health condition.
Currently, I'm recovering from concussion. One months since the tournament ended and I only get to play 3 games before I was rested. Sigh. but alas, I made it. I didn't make it to the end but I made it somehow. One way or another.
Experience I got when I was admitted into ICU was not a very good one. But, how can I learn if I didn't experience it in first place right?
I was forced to sleep for 3 days. I don't know what they gave me even though I asked them.
Never want to admitted ever again. I'm gonna take care of my health properly now.
1
Perlu menjadi independent dengan lebih cepat.
Sekarang ni aku dah keluar dari comfort aku slowly slowly
Tgh tgh browse internet. Terjumpa satu kuiz berapa banyak anda tau pasal kawan baik anda. Interesting. Let see how much I score.
Penat giler mengemas rumah seharian. Nanti kena pergi ke kedai pulak nak check macam mana kedai.
Nak chat dengan dia lagi. Nak tanya khabar sbb dia macm tak sihat and something is wrong. Hmm :/
Takut je atas ape yang aku buat atau tulis ke. Dx
Sekarang ni aku dah keluar dari comfort aku slowly slowly
Tgh tgh browse internet. Terjumpa satu kuiz berapa banyak anda tau pasal kawan baik anda. Interesting. Let see how much I score.
Penat giler mengemas rumah seharian. Nanti kena pergi ke kedai pulak nak check macam mana kedai.
Nak chat dengan dia lagi. Nak tanya khabar sbb dia macm tak sihat and something is wrong. Hmm :/
Takut je atas ape yang aku buat atau tulis ke. Dx
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Hello blog
I guess I really don't have anyone which I enjoy to speak anymore. Sigh.
I want to get off twitter and turn to blogging instead because most of my friends already forgot about this blog thing.
Also, I do feel guilty. I cant shake that feeling yet. Since she can read all my tweets. I still think I need to give her more space. Take thing slowly la.
I feel guilty about lots of things with her.
Im not sure should I write it here or not. Sigh.
Let just go to sleep. Shouldn't text her says good night. regretted and feel guilty.
Sigh. Let just wait patiently. Things are not like it used to be.
*Heartbroken*
I want to get off twitter and turn to blogging instead because most of my friends already forgot about this blog thing.
Also, I do feel guilty. I cant shake that feeling yet. Since she can read all my tweets. I still think I need to give her more space. Take thing slowly la.
I feel guilty about lots of things with her.
Im not sure should I write it here or not. Sigh.
Let just go to sleep. Shouldn't text her says good night. regretted and feel guilty.
Sigh. Let just wait patiently. Things are not like it used to be.
*Heartbroken*
Comfort zone
Today during lunch. Mom said "Semua benda ade jangka hayat dia"
Made me think what she said is so true.
Every single thing has it own life span.
Right now. I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. Which is so hard for me. In fact to everyone.
My comfort zone is
1. Every single night I always message her until we fall asleep and would continue tomorrow. It was like a routine for me. Im not sure about her.
I try not to msg her so often as she request me to give her space. It does make me one way a bit depress about it but, what can I do. Gotta respect the request.
2. I want to be successful so bad. I already start to practice what I think would help me to get 3.3. pointer.
3. I try to stuff myself with food. Healthy food I could think of . I need to take care of my own body right?
4. All these changes need to be consistent
5. I need to throw away my old self. I need to move on.
6. I need to adapt fast to these situation soon.
7. Learn live a single life.
8. Need to be independent
Made me think what she said is so true.
Every single thing has it own life span.
Right now. I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. Which is so hard for me. In fact to everyone.
My comfort zone is
1. Every single night I always message her until we fall asleep and would continue tomorrow. It was like a routine for me. Im not sure about her.
I try not to msg her so often as she request me to give her space. It does make me one way a bit depress about it but, what can I do. Gotta respect the request.
2. I want to be successful so bad. I already start to practice what I think would help me to get 3.3. pointer.
3. I try to stuff myself with food. Healthy food I could think of . I need to take care of my own body right?
4. All these changes need to be consistent
5. I need to throw away my old self. I need to move on.
6. I need to adapt fast to these situation soon.
7. Learn live a single life.
8. Need to be independent
Independent
Independent.
What comes to your mind when you hear the word independent?
For me, it is a scary word. Because, all my live I've been depending on someone, anyone I could turn myself to and seek comfort. So, the word independent scares me.
My mom, always take care of me from when I was little until now. She still does it. Until she got fed up and was comforted by my little sister. "Don't mind about him" She said. "Just let him do whatever he wants. Let him be independent"
My hockey career, I'm like a little brother in my team. Which is by the way the National team. They don't think I'm strong enough for someone to rely on me.
My best friend, I've been relying on her too much until she has gotten fed up with me and eventually, might leave me someday.
Independent.
What should I do to be independent?
I ask myself, think and think. I ask someone, everybody I could think of. How to be independent?
From my point of view,
to be independent is to stop relying on other too much and start to be responsible on yourself. Which is my mistake there.
To be responsible,
it has to start with the smallest thing you can do. That is, take care of your body physical and spiritual.
Physical.
Eat, Drink, Sleep, Exercise. It's all the basic need for your body and yet we always take it for granted
Spiritual.
Depends on your religion.
I have to make sure I pray 5 times a day. I must make sure I pray early. That is the basic need.
When these 2 has been taken care of. I can move on to the next level. Which is my attitude and control of myself.
Control of myself.
This is prolly the hardest thing to change in oneself. You need to constantly remind yourself to be better and better each day. Slowly but surely.
What comes to your mind when you hear the word independent?
For me, it is a scary word. Because, all my live I've been depending on someone, anyone I could turn myself to and seek comfort. So, the word independent scares me.
My mom, always take care of me from when I was little until now. She still does it. Until she got fed up and was comforted by my little sister. "Don't mind about him" She said. "Just let him do whatever he wants. Let him be independent"
My hockey career, I'm like a little brother in my team. Which is by the way the National team. They don't think I'm strong enough for someone to rely on me.
My best friend, I've been relying on her too much until she has gotten fed up with me and eventually, might leave me someday.
Independent.
What should I do to be independent?
I ask myself, think and think. I ask someone, everybody I could think of. How to be independent?
From my point of view,
to be independent is to stop relying on other too much and start to be responsible on yourself. Which is my mistake there.
To be responsible,
it has to start with the smallest thing you can do. That is, take care of your body physical and spiritual.
Physical.
Eat, Drink, Sleep, Exercise. It's all the basic need for your body and yet we always take it for granted
Spiritual.
Depends on your religion.
I have to make sure I pray 5 times a day. I must make sure I pray early. That is the basic need.
When these 2 has been taken care of. I can move on to the next level. Which is my attitude and control of myself.
Control of myself.
This is prolly the hardest thing to change in oneself. You need to constantly remind yourself to be better and better each day. Slowly but surely.
Gasp*
I was learning something when I've decide to take a break. Then I saw my post on "Kuiz dalam blog ida"
Dammit it's true. What it says is true. OTL
Dammit it's true. What it says is true. OTL
Progress
From this image to that. From scanned to tablet fixing drawing
Practicing tablet drawing. Need more improvement I guess? We'll see. Off to mandi
A new beginning
Orait!
Pagi ni kawan baik aku msg aku. Awww yeeaaaah. but then, like she said "Don't push it". OTL Happy kejap je hahaa..
Go you! Go you! Do your best! (Boleh bayang tak laki menari pakai pom pom?)
So anyways,
Azam baru and little strict reminder for me?
Everyday, Practise guna tablet dan guna pen utk melukis. Explore, explore, explore!
Today make it better than yesterday!
Your happiness' vibes make other happy as well. So, be happy for yourself for your loves one. Get it? aaaaaannnnnndddd DON'T FAKE IT! They can feel it
Fikir lebih ke hadapan. Apa yang aku nak buat utk hari esok? (Thanks adik)
Jauhkan maksiat! Kalau nak terus maju kehadapan
Cukuplah 5 utk satu hari. Esok 5 lagi. Bak kata pepatah Islam "Kena terus menerus buat sesuatu" -Tak sure sapa cakap
Pagi ni kawan baik aku msg aku. Awww yeeaaaah. but then, like she said "Don't push it". OTL Happy kejap je hahaa..
Go you! Go you! Do your best! (Boleh bayang tak laki menari pakai pom pom?)
So anyways,
Azam baru and little strict reminder for me?
Everyday, Practise guna tablet dan guna pen utk melukis. Explore, explore, explore!
Today make it better than yesterday!
Your happiness' vibes make other happy as well. So, be happy for yourself for your loves one. Get it? aaaaaannnnnndddd DON'T FAKE IT! They can feel it
Fikir lebih ke hadapan. Apa yang aku nak buat utk hari esok? (Thanks adik)
Jauhkan maksiat! Kalau nak terus maju kehadapan
Cukuplah 5 utk satu hari. Esok 5 lagi. Bak kata pepatah Islam "Kena terus menerus buat sesuatu" -Tak sure sapa cakap
Hmm part 3
So, skang masuk minggu ke-3
Semalam aku dapat bercakap dgn dia. Aku dah regain confident sikit. Dia pon marah aku pasal status aku kat tweeter. Aku actually depress jugak masa aku tweet tu. tapi, pasal benda lain la. Bukan pasal relationship.
Kitorang berborak lama jugak. dari pukul 7.30 sampai 11.30. Alhamdulillah.
Aku langsung tak menaruh harapan nak couple balik dgn dia. Sbb dia takkan happy dgn aku. Dah 2 tahun dia bersabar. Dia cakap, dia ade bgtau. Tapi, tau tau la. Dgn lelaki kena la cakap tegas sikit. Baru lah kitorang sedar.
Anyways, semua benda ade hikmahnya jugak. Aku rasa, kalau aku still dalam comfort zone. aku takkan sedar. So, semua benda macam bom atom jatuh kat aku. Hahaa.
In the end, aku just nak jadi kawan baik dia je la. Tu je la aku harapkan. Tapi, dia cakap "Don't push it". Give more space I think? Maybe dia ingat aku nak dia kembali kat aku? Naaaaaaaah. Tidak langsung mengharap. Sila lah cari orang yang boleh bahagiakan anda (untuk longterm). Sbb aku dah fail dah disitu. Hahaa.
Still, nak jadi kawan baik dia la sbb dia seorang yang baik. Seorang yang aku boleh trust. Like I said before, I would kill if someone do bad things to my good/best friend. Sbb itu la aku sebenarnya. But, kalau dia tak nak jadi rapat macam dulu pon. Hmm.. Baik jangan letak harapan sangat eh? Sebab dia pon tak msg aku dah. Lepas tu, dah tak banyak topik yang boleh bercakap. Sebab macam BUZZ!! Off-limit. Kenot kenot!!
Well, kena berusaha dulu then tawakkal kepada Allah. Kekekee. Tak boleh belah
Hmmm... anyways, hati aku pon dah jadi terbalut dgn something yang tebal dah. Aku dah tak mau cari orang yang special dah. Kalau nak share emotion, cukuplah aku dgn Allah je. Lately, ibadah agak terjaga (Tak boleh cakap nanti tak ikhlas. :D)
Terasa gak forever alone sbb tak de kawan yang aku boleh bercakap. Sbb semua orang bz. takkan nak kacau kot. Adik pulak, dia tido aku bgn. aku bgn dia tido. orang dok uk la kan. Mak, takkan nak bebankan dia dgn masalah aku kan? Ayah? tak rapat lah.
AKU AKAN BANGKIT!! untuk diri aku dan family aku. Ini kira satu tumbukan yang kuat bagi aku. Study btol2, kerja btol2, live my life so that I have no regret. Regret skang ni pon, aku silap tak amek design process VR. Sbb takut ngan Mastura. Sama macam dulu, Design process masa foundation, takut ngan misai che' mat. Hahaa.
Relationship aku ngan dia? Walaupon kata tak berubah, boleh rasa dia nak jauhkan diri dari aku. Malas la nak fikir. Tak ke mana jugak kalau tak move on. Ye tak? Asalkan dia happy, aku happy. Kalau dia sedih, aku sakai benda yang buat dia sedih. LoL *Serious face.
Onward ME!! Do what I suppose to do!!
Semalam aku dapat bercakap dgn dia. Aku dah regain confident sikit. Dia pon marah aku pasal status aku kat tweeter. Aku actually depress jugak masa aku tweet tu. tapi, pasal benda lain la. Bukan pasal relationship.
Kitorang berborak lama jugak. dari pukul 7.30 sampai 11.30. Alhamdulillah.
Aku langsung tak menaruh harapan nak couple balik dgn dia. Sbb dia takkan happy dgn aku. Dah 2 tahun dia bersabar. Dia cakap, dia ade bgtau. Tapi, tau tau la. Dgn lelaki kena la cakap tegas sikit. Baru lah kitorang sedar.
Anyways, semua benda ade hikmahnya jugak. Aku rasa, kalau aku still dalam comfort zone. aku takkan sedar. So, semua benda macam bom atom jatuh kat aku. Hahaa.
In the end, aku just nak jadi kawan baik dia je la. Tu je la aku harapkan. Tapi, dia cakap "Don't push it". Give more space I think? Maybe dia ingat aku nak dia kembali kat aku? Naaaaaaaah. Tidak langsung mengharap. Sila lah cari orang yang boleh bahagiakan anda (untuk longterm). Sbb aku dah fail dah disitu. Hahaa.
Still, nak jadi kawan baik dia la sbb dia seorang yang baik. Seorang yang aku boleh trust. Like I said before, I would kill if someone do bad things to my good/best friend. Sbb itu la aku sebenarnya. But, kalau dia tak nak jadi rapat macam dulu pon. Hmm.. Baik jangan letak harapan sangat eh? Sebab dia pon tak msg aku dah. Lepas tu, dah tak banyak topik yang boleh bercakap. Sebab macam BUZZ!! Off-limit. Kenot kenot!!
Well, kena berusaha dulu then tawakkal kepada Allah. Kekekee. Tak boleh belah
Hmmm... anyways, hati aku pon dah jadi terbalut dgn something yang tebal dah. Aku dah tak mau cari orang yang special dah. Kalau nak share emotion, cukuplah aku dgn Allah je. Lately, ibadah agak terjaga (Tak boleh cakap nanti tak ikhlas. :D)
Terasa gak forever alone sbb tak de kawan yang aku boleh bercakap. Sbb semua orang bz. takkan nak kacau kot. Adik pulak, dia tido aku bgn. aku bgn dia tido. orang dok uk la kan. Mak, takkan nak bebankan dia dgn masalah aku kan? Ayah? tak rapat lah.
AKU AKAN BANGKIT!! untuk diri aku dan family aku. Ini kira satu tumbukan yang kuat bagi aku. Study btol2, kerja btol2, live my life so that I have no regret. Regret skang ni pon, aku silap tak amek design process VR. Sbb takut ngan Mastura. Sama macam dulu, Design process masa foundation, takut ngan misai che' mat. Hahaa.
Relationship aku ngan dia? Walaupon kata tak berubah, boleh rasa dia nak jauhkan diri dari aku. Malas la nak fikir. Tak ke mana jugak kalau tak move on. Ye tak? Asalkan dia happy, aku happy. Kalau dia sedih, aku sakai benda yang buat dia sedih. LoL *Serious face.
Onward ME!! Do what I suppose to do!!
hmm part 2
So, anyways. Sambung dari post sebelom ni.
Aku rasa dia masih ingat aku nak dia balik pada aku kot. Actually, perasaan sayang tu masih ade. But, nak balik semula tu tak de la. Sbb dia tak yakin pada aku. So, aku kena la fix diri aku. Aku target nak capai cita2 dalam masa 5-6 tahun lagi. Then, cari la someone special. Yang ni jadi pengajaran pada aku.
Punya la semangat nak belajar dari kesilapan ni. Aku pergi kacau semua orang. Dari situ, aku boleh tau siapa yang boleh percaya, siapa yang tak boleh. Betul aku ada banyak kawan and all. But, bukan semua kawan sebenar. Berapa ramai yang boleh kita pergi kat dia kalau kita ade masalah. Atau, berapa ramai yang tanya kita "what's wrong" kalau kita nampak lain macam?
Anyways, ape yang aku belajar dari kesilapan ni.
Walaupon sekaya mana ko pon, walaupon sebagus mana pesonaliti ko pon, walaupon sehensem mana ko pon. Orang tak pandang ko, kalau ko tak pandai, tak de degree. Boleh kate tak de tempat kat masyarakat.
Hidup kena Independent. Jangan terlalu bergantung harap kepada org terdekat kita (Orang yang kita sayang dan sayang kita). Sebab lama2 diorang fed up dan penat jugak asyik nak support kite. Jangan jadi biawak hidup.
Hidup kena happy, kalau tak happy. Ko tak hidup
COMMUNICATION. Teramat la penting. Communication ni kena la ade diantara 2-2 belah pihak. Kang dia fikir macam ni, ko fikir mcm tu. Sama kes yang terjadi antara aku ngan dia la. Sama2 tak amek effort.
Assurance happiness. Ape tu? kebahagiaan untuk waktu panjang. Benda ni selalu aku fikir, aku nak support anak orang. ape yang patut aku buat? Last2 aku bukak kedai butik. Itu kewangan. Benda lain? pandai pandai la fikir
Unless aku boleh habiskan degree VR dgn 3 pointer ke atas dan juga amek Kpi. Nak uruskan kedai sampai bukak cawangan lain. Aku tak rasa aku ready nak support anak orang. Biarlah aku forever alone (walaupon dah merasa) sampai mati pon. Kawin itu satu tanggungjawab, bukan satu benda yang boleh buat korang bahagia. Sure, bahagia. tapi, kejap je la kalau korang tak mampu nak tanggung anak korang
Aku punya effort skang ni. Nak bunuh diri aku. Bunuh diri? betul ke mamat ni?
Bunuh diri aku maksudkan. Keluar dari comfort zone aku. Bunuh diri aku yang lama, yang tak elok dalam diri dan jadi orang yang baru. Aku tweet "Aku bertekad nak bunuh diri sebab aku tak bagus". Jadi effect lain lak.
Aku rasa dia masih ingat aku nak dia balik pada aku kot. Actually, perasaan sayang tu masih ade. But, nak balik semula tu tak de la. Sbb dia tak yakin pada aku. So, aku kena la fix diri aku. Aku target nak capai cita2 dalam masa 5-6 tahun lagi. Then, cari la someone special. Yang ni jadi pengajaran pada aku.
Punya la semangat nak belajar dari kesilapan ni. Aku pergi kacau semua orang. Dari situ, aku boleh tau siapa yang boleh percaya, siapa yang tak boleh. Betul aku ada banyak kawan and all. But, bukan semua kawan sebenar. Berapa ramai yang boleh kita pergi kat dia kalau kita ade masalah. Atau, berapa ramai yang tanya kita "what's wrong" kalau kita nampak lain macam?
Anyways, ape yang aku belajar dari kesilapan ni.
Walaupon sekaya mana ko pon, walaupon sebagus mana pesonaliti ko pon, walaupon sehensem mana ko pon. Orang tak pandang ko, kalau ko tak pandai, tak de degree. Boleh kate tak de tempat kat masyarakat.
Hidup kena Independent. Jangan terlalu bergantung harap kepada org terdekat kita (Orang yang kita sayang dan sayang kita). Sebab lama2 diorang fed up dan penat jugak asyik nak support kite. Jangan jadi biawak hidup.
Hidup kena happy, kalau tak happy. Ko tak hidup
COMMUNICATION. Teramat la penting. Communication ni kena la ade diantara 2-2 belah pihak. Kang dia fikir macam ni, ko fikir mcm tu. Sama kes yang terjadi antara aku ngan dia la. Sama2 tak amek effort.
Assurance happiness. Ape tu? kebahagiaan untuk waktu panjang. Benda ni selalu aku fikir, aku nak support anak orang. ape yang patut aku buat? Last2 aku bukak kedai butik. Itu kewangan. Benda lain? pandai pandai la fikir
Unless aku boleh habiskan degree VR dgn 3 pointer ke atas dan juga amek Kpi. Nak uruskan kedai sampai bukak cawangan lain. Aku tak rasa aku ready nak support anak orang. Biarlah aku forever alone (walaupon dah merasa) sampai mati pon. Kawin itu satu tanggungjawab, bukan satu benda yang boleh buat korang bahagia. Sure, bahagia. tapi, kejap je la kalau korang tak mampu nak tanggung anak korang
Aku punya effort skang ni. Nak bunuh diri aku. Bunuh diri? betul ke mamat ni?
Bunuh diri aku maksudkan. Keluar dari comfort zone aku. Bunuh diri aku yang lama, yang tak elok dalam diri dan jadi orang yang baru. Aku tweet "Aku bertekad nak bunuh diri sebab aku tak bagus". Jadi effect lain lak.
Hmm
Terasa nak luahkan. tapi, tak de siapa yang boleh aku luahkan. More of nobody I could trust. So blog, here I go.
Aku dapat pergi challenge cup of asia di india pada march lalu. Malang tak berbau. Aku kena concussion. So, fizikal dan mental aku tak berapa betul. Turun 5 kilo dalam masa 2 minggu. Tak lalu makan. Tak boleh tido dgn baik ape semua. Alhamdulillah. Ade orang support aku. Terutama sekali mak dgn adik.
Masa aku stay kat India. Aku terfikir pasal si dia the whole time aku kat sana. Aku terfikir macam mana nak buat dia happy. Nak manly up. Nak fix yang relation yang terbalik. (Aku mcm perempuan, dia mcm laki) Sbb aku notice every little thing perubahan yang terjadi kat dia. Possessive ke? Rasanya tak kot. More of terlampau sayang, kita tau banyak benda pasal dia.
Aku notice jugak sejak dia masuk intern, perubahan dia ketara sangat. Sampai nak kata aku tak kenal pon ade. Tapi, dia adalah dia.
Anyways, lepas balik dari india. Aku nak tau semua benda yang terjadi. Maybe dari situ dia rasa aku creepy. possessive creepy. Sapa la yang tak nak tau pasal orang kesayangan dia kan?
Tepat 1 hb april. Dia mintak break dgn aku. Aku jadi buntu sbb dia adalah sebahagian dari aku. So, tak de dia, tak de aku. pretty much mcm tu. So, aku menanyakan dia kenapa. Dia cakap, aku selfish, duduk dlm comfort zone, mengongkong dia, tak fikir pasal apa yang akan terjadi masa depan. (Lepas aku mintak nak jumpa dia baru aku tau)(Minta break ikut phone rasa pedih ooooooooo)
Dia cakap kawan la macam biasa jangan relationship define status. Kawan biasa as in? tak cakap langsung? Aku hantar msg, dia cakap aku creepy. O.O Atau kawan biasa as in good friend? aku confuse sbb dia cakap dia masih pedulikan aku.
So, dalam seminggu sampai 9 hb april. Macam mana aku buat. Concussion + Depression. (Mostly ape aku tulis ni suma dia dah tau). Aku tersangat la depress. Aku direct msg (dm) tru tweet, mintak dia jgn lupakan aku, bla bla bla. stalk kat tempat kerja. dari pagi sampai malam. tak de la sampai ke rumah. stalk pon cuma satu hari je. Anyways, dia call aku cakap aku creepy. Itu aku agree.
Hahaa. Anyways, before clash. kitorang ade pergi lunch kat sushi king. Dia cakap laa ade sorang ni nama A la. Sbb mmg nama dia start dgn A. Dia suka kat mamat ni. Tak de la jeles pon. But then, lepas dia cakap "Kalau aku tak kenal si kimi, aku dah tackle ko dah". I was like wtf?
Mamat ni stalker ke? sbb aku mmg tak kenal dia langsung. Then, aku tanya la dia. siapa si A ni. Dalam pertuturan dia, boleh rasa getaran rimas tak tentu arah. So, then aku notice. Dua2 sama suka. Then, masa hantar dia ke tempat intern. Aku tanya dia sayang ke dah. Aku notice lagi, jawapan yang tak yakin. Ok.
So anyways. dia mintak break. Ok la tu. tak kesah sangat. Cuma aku nak berkawan baik je dgn dia. Adakah bunyi macam desperate? Dia baik orangnya. Sbb budi baik dibalas baik. I would kill if someone do bad things to my trusted friend. I would.
Oh btw, dia paranoid aku mai ofis dia. Aku sakai mamat tu ngan kayu hoki. Aku mengagak je. Pfft. takkan la nak pukul. I is gentlemen yo.
Minggu ke-2 ok la sikit kot. Aku try nak bangun balik. Aku kena bangun balik. Walaupon terasa nak cakap ngan dia. tapi, kena bagi dia space.
Aku dapat pergi challenge cup of asia di india pada march lalu. Malang tak berbau. Aku kena concussion. So, fizikal dan mental aku tak berapa betul. Turun 5 kilo dalam masa 2 minggu. Tak lalu makan. Tak boleh tido dgn baik ape semua. Alhamdulillah. Ade orang support aku. Terutama sekali mak dgn adik.
Masa aku stay kat India. Aku terfikir pasal si dia the whole time aku kat sana. Aku terfikir macam mana nak buat dia happy. Nak manly up. Nak fix yang relation yang terbalik. (Aku mcm perempuan, dia mcm laki) Sbb aku notice every little thing perubahan yang terjadi kat dia. Possessive ke? Rasanya tak kot. More of terlampau sayang, kita tau banyak benda pasal dia.
Aku notice jugak sejak dia masuk intern, perubahan dia ketara sangat. Sampai nak kata aku tak kenal pon ade. Tapi, dia adalah dia.
Anyways, lepas balik dari india. Aku nak tau semua benda yang terjadi. Maybe dari situ dia rasa aku creepy. possessive creepy. Sapa la yang tak nak tau pasal orang kesayangan dia kan?
Tepat 1 hb april. Dia mintak break dgn aku. Aku jadi buntu sbb dia adalah sebahagian dari aku. So, tak de dia, tak de aku. pretty much mcm tu. So, aku menanyakan dia kenapa. Dia cakap, aku selfish, duduk dlm comfort zone, mengongkong dia, tak fikir pasal apa yang akan terjadi masa depan. (Lepas aku mintak nak jumpa dia baru aku tau)(Minta break ikut phone rasa pedih ooooooooo)
Dia cakap kawan la macam biasa jangan relationship define status. Kawan biasa as in? tak cakap langsung? Aku hantar msg, dia cakap aku creepy. O.O Atau kawan biasa as in good friend? aku confuse sbb dia cakap dia masih pedulikan aku.
So, dalam seminggu sampai 9 hb april. Macam mana aku buat. Concussion + Depression. (Mostly ape aku tulis ni suma dia dah tau). Aku tersangat la depress. Aku direct msg (dm) tru tweet, mintak dia jgn lupakan aku, bla bla bla. stalk kat tempat kerja. dari pagi sampai malam. tak de la sampai ke rumah. stalk pon cuma satu hari je. Anyways, dia call aku cakap aku creepy. Itu aku agree.
Hahaa. Anyways, before clash. kitorang ade pergi lunch kat sushi king. Dia cakap laa ade sorang ni nama A la. Sbb mmg nama dia start dgn A. Dia suka kat mamat ni. Tak de la jeles pon. But then, lepas dia cakap "Kalau aku tak kenal si kimi, aku dah tackle ko dah". I was like wtf?
Mamat ni stalker ke? sbb aku mmg tak kenal dia langsung. Then, aku tanya la dia. siapa si A ni. Dalam pertuturan dia, boleh rasa getaran rimas tak tentu arah. So, then aku notice. Dua2 sama suka. Then, masa hantar dia ke tempat intern. Aku tanya dia sayang ke dah. Aku notice lagi, jawapan yang tak yakin. Ok.
So anyways. dia mintak break. Ok la tu. tak kesah sangat. Cuma aku nak berkawan baik je dgn dia. Adakah bunyi macam desperate? Dia baik orangnya. Sbb budi baik dibalas baik. I would kill if someone do bad things to my trusted friend. I would.
Oh btw, dia paranoid aku mai ofis dia. Aku sakai mamat tu ngan kayu hoki. Aku mengagak je. Pfft. takkan la nak pukul. I is gentlemen yo.
Minggu ke-2 ok la sikit kot. Aku try nak bangun balik. Aku kena bangun balik. Walaupon terasa nak cakap ngan dia. tapi, kena bagi dia space.
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