Yesterday during my monthly 1:1 with my Sup at work, she asked me if there are any special projects and/or new skills I'm interested in pursuing. Wait...back up...first I should talk about my Sup.
From the time that I first laid eyes on Ronda, I felt an immediate connection. She is the one who interviewed me, and then picked me to be on her team after training. I couldn't even begin to explain why, but I felt as if I'd known her forever and there was a comfort level that hardly ever happens with a person you've just met. Especially when they're the person interviewing you for a job that you really, really need! I effortlessly tell her things that I don't tell other people; things that I would usually keep to myself. And it seems like this connection goes both ways. I am so blessed by this relationship, and grateful to have it.
That being said, Ronda is still my Supervisor, and I respect that and am old/mature enough to keep that first and foremost when it's necessary. The personal relationship also pretty much enhances the professional relationship as well, because I "have her back" and try to do what I can to make her job easier. Our whole team is really pretty good at that.
Back to the story. I was very glad when Ronda asked me if I had any interest in expanding my repertoire, because she had never asked me before. Nor did I expect her to before, because I certainly wasn't ready and I knew it. Somewhere around a month or so ago, I turned some sort of imaginary corner in my job; somewhere along the line, several light bulbs went on and were shining brightly. I don't know how or why...but I can't help but think that the sheer quantities of prayers on the issue didn't hurt...but I was sure glad it finally happened. There is a lot to know for my job; beyond a lot. And it is of utmost importance to be accurate in what I'm telling people . They're trusting that I will know the right information for their particular situation. Having started this job at the age of 54, it quickly became apparent that my 54-year-old mind wasn't as quick as my 25-year-old mind, no matter how much I still feel like I'm 25! I now have to try harder at things that would have been effortless for me in previous years.
Even before the turning of my own personal job confidence corner, I knew that I am not in a big hurry to learn new skills and be promoted to a Level II. And I've always known that there are certain things I don't want to do, ever; things like being a mentor to new people or being a shadow for new people. Just not my thing. For one thing, I am a boring Virgo who loves repetition and being in her boring rut. I prefer to think of it as finding my niche. I like feeling like I've truly mastered one thing before I even think about moving on to others. That feeling is still pretty new to me for this job, so I'd like to enjoy it for a while. Fortunately for me, that is okay with management as well. Their feeling is that they need good people at all levels. There are lots and lots of girls in our department who are in their early-to-mid 20s, just starting out their careers who are looking to (and needing) move up the ladder. Just like me when I was their age; and I remember thinking back then...oh, this is really kind of terrible!...that it would be nice if one or two of the older, more "feeble" ladies would make room to give the newcomers a chance. Luckily for me, they did; I was able to not only reach my career goals fairly fast, but also to exceed them. Besides, these young'uns are a lot quicker than I am, and I applaud them for that. It really is a good group of people in my department.
So, I told Ronda that I'm happy with where I'm at right now. BUT. One thing that I might be interested in trying if the opportunity ever arose would be answering e-mails, or any other project that involved writing, if that was an option for me. It's not like I have a degree or anything, but writing is just something I have always done in one form or another. When she asked me if I have any experience, I told her that I have no formal experience at all, but that writing is something I like to do. Then, thinking it might count as experience and also because I am always compelled to tell Ronda things I don't tell other people, I said "I blog."
I BLOG.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
**I WAS NOT SURE WHAT I WOULD FIND...**
So, there have been some changes since the last time I was here, and I couldn't even imagine what new and exciting things I would find. Wait...is that sarcasm that I detect?
I thought about starting a whole new blog; start new, and go a whole different direction. Since I couldn't seem to get myself motivated to come here and post, I thought maybe that was the answer. I still read blogs and sometimes I'm a little envious, what with having lost my blogging mojo and all. But then it didn't take long until I remembered that...it is what it is, always.
Any blog of mine, whether it be this one or a new one, still would not be like most of the others I read. I never have, nor will I ever, posted photographic evidence of every move I make. See, there's a sign of a generational difference right there..."we" worked really hard to make sure that there was NOT photographic evidence of our comings and goings and doings. It just wasn't done.
No matter how hard I try, any blog of mine would not every portray me as being effortlessly perfect, with the occasional "my life is not perfect" post thrown in so as to "keep it real." I'm a by-the-seat-of-my-pants blogger, with no well-thought-out posts, sponsors, giveaways, link-ups, or any other things that not-so-subtly hint at aspirations of best blog notoriety. I just write the way I write...words, no pictures, always real because for me that's all there is. Not that there's anything wrong with all of the rest...I love reading those blogs, and I have admiration for them in that tongue-in-cheek sort of way. As in, it's just the difference in age groups, and also a sign of how the times have changed since I was that age. And can I just say right now that I sure am happy I was that age in a different era? I'm not sure, but it sure seems like there is a lot of pressure to be perfect. Thankfully, we didn't have that kind of pressure when I was that age, or if we did I completely missed it.
So, the gist is this. I'm not going to think anymore about which direction this blog should take...to the point where all I do is think about it, versus actually writing a blog post! It's going to be what it's always been...my place just for me, to write what I want and what is on my mind.
I will always only be able to be exactly who and what I am...
I thought about starting a whole new blog; start new, and go a whole different direction. Since I couldn't seem to get myself motivated to come here and post, I thought maybe that was the answer. I still read blogs and sometimes I'm a little envious, what with having lost my blogging mojo and all. But then it didn't take long until I remembered that...it is what it is, always.
Any blog of mine, whether it be this one or a new one, still would not be like most of the others I read. I never have, nor will I ever, posted photographic evidence of every move I make. See, there's a sign of a generational difference right there..."we" worked really hard to make sure that there was NOT photographic evidence of our comings and goings and doings. It just wasn't done.
No matter how hard I try, any blog of mine would not every portray me as being effortlessly perfect, with the occasional "my life is not perfect" post thrown in so as to "keep it real." I'm a by-the-seat-of-my-pants blogger, with no well-thought-out posts, sponsors, giveaways, link-ups, or any other things that not-so-subtly hint at aspirations of best blog notoriety. I just write the way I write...words, no pictures, always real because for me that's all there is. Not that there's anything wrong with all of the rest...I love reading those blogs, and I have admiration for them in that tongue-in-cheek sort of way. As in, it's just the difference in age groups, and also a sign of how the times have changed since I was that age. And can I just say right now that I sure am happy I was that age in a different era? I'm not sure, but it sure seems like there is a lot of pressure to be perfect. Thankfully, we didn't have that kind of pressure when I was that age, or if we did I completely missed it.
So, the gist is this. I'm not going to think anymore about which direction this blog should take...to the point where all I do is think about it, versus actually writing a blog post! It's going to be what it's always been...my place just for me, to write what I want and what is on my mind.
I will always only be able to be exactly who and what I am...
Monday, January 02, 2012
**HELLOOO!!! I AM CHEF BOYARDEE...**
I made some pretty awesome bean soup, if I do say so myself. It was the first time I made it using a ham bone and it was good. Of course, it's also good with the smoked ham hocks that I would usually use as well.
I really like to cook when I have the time to do so. I'm not a fan during the week because I'm usually very hungry by the time I get out of work and it seems like cooking something takes forever. I still haven't worked out a good solution to that dilemma yet. I suppose even if I could afford to get takeout from Outback every weeknight, even that would eventually get boring.
In other news, SO nice to have three-day weekends two weeks in a row. This one is particularly precious as it's the final paid holiday until Memorial Day...and that's afreaking lifetime long ways away! Thankfully, I have several scheduled PTO days off in the meantime.In a strange way, I'm looking forward to work on Tuesday. Since Day One all I've heard from everyone around there is "just wait until January, " said in very dramatic tones, like it's so awful that there's a good chance I might just pick up and walk out, for not being able to handle the pressure. Lots of times it's taken every bit of my self- control not to come back with, "I went through terminal cancer with the love of my life; I think I can handle some busy phones." They still probably wouldn't get it, though; when you haven't had any of those types of experiences yet, you just don't.It's kind of surreal, being the old lady experienced one of the group. I'm not used to being at least 15 years older than 98% of my co-workers.
I've always thought that age doesn't make much difference once everyone is all out in the working world together, and I still find that to be true. What can make a huge difference, however, is life experiences. Nobody that I work with has experienced the loss of a loved one yet, much less multiple loss. So, to them, the frantic pace of January calls is as stressful as it gets. As for me, I'm rather hoping January 17 is especially busy so I don't have as much time to miss my Mom on what would be her 75th birthday. On the one hand, it sort of bugs me that people think I would come unhinged over such an inconsequential thing but, on the other hand, they don't know any better. I'll just be happy to have my "first" January there under my belt so I won't have to hear about it anymore.
Before all that, however, Monday is still a free day, and it just doesn't get much better than that!
I really like to cook when I have the time to do so. I'm not a fan during the week because I'm usually very hungry by the time I get out of work and it seems like cooking something takes forever. I still haven't worked out a good solution to that dilemma yet. I suppose even if I could afford to get takeout from Outback every weeknight, even that would eventually get boring.
In other news, SO nice to have three-day weekends two weeks in a row. This one is particularly precious as it's the final paid holiday until Memorial Day...and that's a
I've always thought that age doesn't make much difference once everyone is all out in the working world together, and I still find that to be true. What can make a huge difference, however, is life experiences. Nobody that I work with has experienced the loss of a loved one yet, much less multiple loss. So, to them, the frantic pace of January calls is as stressful as it gets. As for me, I'm rather hoping January 17 is especially busy so I don't have as much time to miss my Mom on what would be her 75th birthday. On the one hand, it sort of bugs me that people think I would come unhinged over such an inconsequential thing but, on the other hand, they don't know any better. I'll just be happy to have my "first" January there under my belt so I won't have to hear about it anymore.
Before all that, however, Monday is still a free day, and it just doesn't get much better than that!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
**2011, ALL WRAPPED UP; MAYBE EVEN IN A BIG RED BOW...**
It is mere hours away from being 2012. Wowzers!
This year has gone by in a blur. I know I say that type of thing quite a bit; about how fast time goes by. But this year went at warp speed for me. Nothing like starting a new job/career to make a year fly. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in my training class wondering how I was ever going to remember all I was learning. I did not even realize at that time that I wouldn't remember all I was learning, and that what I was learning in the class was just the very tip of the iceberg!
Whenever I sit around being in awe of the quick passage of time, I can't help but think about my Mom, because she told me this would happen. That everytime you enter a new decade of life...say, at 40, then 50...it seems to speed up a little bit more. I think mine speeds up at the half-decade mark as well.
My Mom. My Bill. My family. I miss them all so much. It's the right-after-Christmas time that is the hardest. I'm okay until Christmas is over, but then the mind movies start. In my mind, I can replay Christmases past from when I was, like, 7 or 8...in around there. With my Mom and my uncles and Grandma and Grandpa, and then on Christmas Day with my Grandma's eight siblings and their families. Aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins...so many that we had those Christmas Day get-togethers at the community center. Granted, it was a small community center, but still... I'm thankful for mind movies and memories, but I also mourn and miss the parts of my life and the people who were in it that are not here anymore. And so many gone far too soon. In a mere SIX years, I will be the age my Mom was when she died. That could be a sobering thought, but it isn't to me. I am not afraid of dying, and I'm not afraid of dying young. There are a lot of people I'm looking forward to seeing.
Since I'm still here and it's close to being a New Year, I gave some thought to the whole resolutation thing. I came to the conclusion that I STILL do not believe in making "resolutions" and that I probably never will...and that's okay. I did come up with some goals, though, for the coming year. Blogging, of course, which my last post mentioned. I'm not saying it's going to happen every day, but my goal is not to let whole weeks pass without writing about what is happening with me. There might come a time when I'll need to remember what I was thinking about in 2012. Well, yeah...probably not, but it wouldn't hurt. Blogging more often is just a more specific manifestation of my general goal of improving my self-discipline. I'm pretty easy on myself in that if I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it...and there are some areas where I should make more of an effort. So I will be working on that.
I need to work on patience, specifically at work. I have done really good at not letting one call carry over to the next call. If I have a bad one, I end it as soon as I hang up and start over fresh with the next call. I've been pretty proud of my ability to take it one call at a time. I've even been better than I thought I'd be with people who seem to be a little clueless. It's the ones who act like it is beneath them to even try to understand that try my patience, especially if they are in their 20s and don't have any good excuse for not being able to understand. Many times they're the ones who will call in with what they think is a "proactive" I'm-going-to-be-a-grown-up-and-get-this-handled mindset, not realizing (or maybe they do realize) that they come across as being pretty close to defensive and belligerent, and kind of a little bit ridiculous. Kind of like little tiny girls clomping around in their Moms' high heels, I kind of want to reach out and pat them on the head and say, "Steady there, Sparky, just calm down a bit." In a condescending way. So, there's were I need more patience. Goal #2 for 2012.
Another real general goal is to get back to having at least a semblance of organization, in ALL areas. I made the first step when I got my new planner instead of just a regular calendar. It's a little bit hard to ignore columns that have titles like "Goals" and "To Do" when they're right there next to the calendar where I write all of the regular stuff. This is the one that bothers me the most when I don't have a handle on it, and it's been a very long time since I've had a handle on it. I don't want to get all overwhelmed at the vastness of what I need to accomplish and set myself up for failure, so I'm looking at this as an ongoing goal. Any work I do towards it is an improvement.
I've also put some thought into making a little more effort to make myself presentable to the world. This is the one that I'm going to have the most problem with. I would rather sleep the extra 15 minutes it would take me to put some make-up on. And the money I would have to spend getting my hair colored and styled just seems like too much, especially when my ponytail is soincredibly ugly and matronly looking attractive. Not to mention perfect for extremely lazy people easy. It's hard because it doesn't really make me feel any better about myself to do these things; not like getting enough sleep makes me feel better about myself! And if I'm really gonna tell it like it is, I feel just fine about myself just exactly as I am, even though I know without a doubt I'm sure I could look better. I guess the bottom line is, this one is a "we'll see."
And that's about it for me, at least what I want to share. The good part is, I have this wonderful planner that has all of those "Goals" and "To Do" columns...for EVERY month. So I can continually re-evaluate and add as needed.
Oh! Yeah...reading more, also. Can't forget that. That WILL happen. Happy 2012!!! ...
This year has gone by in a blur. I know I say that type of thing quite a bit; about how fast time goes by. But this year went at warp speed for me. Nothing like starting a new job/career to make a year fly. It seems like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in my training class wondering how I was ever going to remember all I was learning. I did not even realize at that time that I wouldn't remember all I was learning, and that what I was learning in the class was just the very tip of the iceberg!
Whenever I sit around being in awe of the quick passage of time, I can't help but think about my Mom, because she told me this would happen. That everytime you enter a new decade of life...say, at 40, then 50...it seems to speed up a little bit more. I think mine speeds up at the half-decade mark as well.
My Mom. My Bill. My family. I miss them all so much. It's the right-after-Christmas time that is the hardest. I'm okay until Christmas is over, but then the mind movies start. In my mind, I can replay Christmases past from when I was, like, 7 or 8...in around there. With my Mom and my uncles and Grandma and Grandpa, and then on Christmas Day with my Grandma's eight siblings and their families. Aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins...so many that we had those Christmas Day get-togethers at the community center. Granted, it was a small community center, but still... I'm thankful for mind movies and memories, but I also mourn and miss the parts of my life and the people who were in it that are not here anymore. And so many gone far too soon. In a mere SIX years, I will be the age my Mom was when she died. That could be a sobering thought, but it isn't to me. I am not afraid of dying, and I'm not afraid of dying young. There are a lot of people I'm looking forward to seeing.
Since I'm still here and it's close to being a New Year, I gave some thought to the whole resolutation thing. I came to the conclusion that I STILL do not believe in making "resolutions" and that I probably never will...and that's okay. I did come up with some goals, though, for the coming year. Blogging, of course, which my last post mentioned. I'm not saying it's going to happen every day, but my goal is not to let whole weeks pass without writing about what is happening with me. There might come a time when I'll need to remember what I was thinking about in 2012. Well, yeah...probably not, but it wouldn't hurt. Blogging more often is just a more specific manifestation of my general goal of improving my self-discipline. I'm pretty easy on myself in that if I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it...and there are some areas where I should make more of an effort. So I will be working on that.
I need to work on patience, specifically at work. I have done really good at not letting one call carry over to the next call. If I have a bad one, I end it as soon as I hang up and start over fresh with the next call. I've been pretty proud of my ability to take it one call at a time. I've even been better than I thought I'd be with people who seem to be a little clueless. It's the ones who act like it is beneath them to even try to understand that try my patience, especially if they are in their 20s and don't have any good excuse for not being able to understand. Many times they're the ones who will call in with what they think is a "proactive" I'm-going-to-be-a-grown-up-and-get-this-handled mindset, not realizing (or maybe they do realize) that they come across as being pretty close to defensive and belligerent, and kind of a little bit ridiculous. Kind of like little tiny girls clomping around in their Moms' high heels, I kind of want to reach out and pat them on the head and say, "Steady there, Sparky, just calm down a bit." In a condescending way. So, there's were I need more patience. Goal #2 for 2012.
Another real general goal is to get back to having at least a semblance of organization, in ALL areas. I made the first step when I got my new planner instead of just a regular calendar. It's a little bit hard to ignore columns that have titles like "Goals" and "To Do" when they're right there next to the calendar where I write all of the regular stuff. This is the one that bothers me the most when I don't have a handle on it, and it's been a very long time since I've had a handle on it. I don't want to get all overwhelmed at the vastness of what I need to accomplish and set myself up for failure, so I'm looking at this as an ongoing goal. Any work I do towards it is an improvement.
I've also put some thought into making a little more effort to make myself presentable to the world. This is the one that I'm going to have the most problem with. I would rather sleep the extra 15 minutes it would take me to put some make-up on. And the money I would have to spend getting my hair colored and styled just seems like too much, especially when my ponytail is so
And that's about it for me, at least what I want to share. The good part is, I have this wonderful planner that has all of those "Goals" and "To Do" columns...for EVERY month. So I can continually re-evaluate and add as needed.
Oh! Yeah...reading more, also. Can't forget that. That WILL happen. Happy 2012!!! ...
Monday, December 26, 2011
**GOAL...**
As in...blogging will be a goal of mine for 2012.
To be honest, I don't completely understand the ebb and flow of writing for me these days. I have thoughts. Nothing monumental, but thoughts nonetheless. Am I just lazy? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I do know that when I actually sit at the computer and pound out a blog post, I am happy. Except for when the whole post gets lost.
Christmas was...wonderful. It just keeps getting better each and every year. All of the kids are older now, so it's not really so much about mass consumption. Christmas Eve, I was sitting next to Bailey and she received two beautifully-wrapped packages; I mean, they were gorgeous from the paper to the bow to the gift tag. I made a comment to her about how pretty they were, and she said she wasn't even in a rush to open them because she wanted to just look at them for a while longer. I LOVE THAT!!! I love that I have a very unmaterialistic family. Don't get me wrong, we all love gifts, and everybody can always think of something they would like to have...but none of that is the center of our holiday.
Christmas Day we had the best time playing Uno Attack...while the boys watched sports, we played that game and had a blast. Lynda, Tori, Lori, Tracy, Katie and me...and I can't remember the last time I lauged that hard. All of that and a ham dinner, too! Plus, FTW, I got to bring home the ham bone. Hello, bean soup!
I think part of the reason that it was such a pleasurable holiday was because of it falling on the weekend. Getting to work a half-day on Friday and then having today off to be able to rest up after enjoying the holidays? That is the best...I'm not a real fan of having to go back the work the day right after Christmas. Not that the merry-making goes on until all hours or anything, but it's just nice to have some breathing time. And to know that there is still another three-day weekend coming up? Please and thank you.
Work is good but, to be honest, I'm looking forward to it being busy again. The week before Christmas was so slow...it's never been like that before. The whole month of December was not as busy as what I'm used to, but this past week really drug on. Even if it is one call right after another busy, I'd rather have it be that way so the days fly by. I hear that January is crazy around there; no vacation is allowed for the whole month. Fine with me; I like it busy.
I'm still liking my work, even though it can be frustrating at times. Because, really...what in the whole world ISN'T frustrating at times! Even after practically a year, I still feel like I am in training. There are a lot of things that don't come up very often and, when they do, I don't remember exactly what to do. Thank God for the resource line, and for the post-its that adorn the frames of my computer screens. I know that I am never going to be one of the departmental stars, and I'm okay with that. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be the plodding, methodical one. Not a big stand-out, but there every day, chuggin' along. I just don't have the drive anymore to get ahead, although ANY extra money would be nice. There is nothing that I have to prove to anyone, and the majority of the department is made up of younger people who are interested in moving up the ladder, so it is a good fit. It's all good.
I've morphed again, back into being a homebody. I think that is my default setting; I really do. Bill was such a "go-er and do-er" and he was so darn much fun to go and do with, that I loved getting out of my homebody comfort zone. In the first years after he was gone, I tried to continue that, in a few different variations. The first couple of years, just go, go, go as much as possible and it didn't matter who I did it with; I just needed to keep moving so I wouldn't fall apart. Then I still wanted to go, but not quite as frantically; with more carefully chosen activities and people. Now, though...OY. The occasion has to be something really special to be graced by my presence, and I'm more than good with that, and I don't see it changing.
At this point in my life, I don't want to travel. I freakin' hate traveling. Yeah, I said it. If I could twitch my nose and magically be in a place, that would be great...but the thought of even just getting to an airport makes me hyperventilate, and that doesn't even take into account going through security and getting on the plane! I'd rather do a road trip...but then I don't want to stay overnight anyplace. Yeah, I said that, too. The fact of the matter is, I like my bed. I like my own toilet. I don't want to sleep in any other bed and use any other toilet. Plus, I like to have Frank and/or Nancy sleep with/on me. I don't want to spend too much money watching movies in theaters; I'd rather watch them on the small screen in the comfort of my house. I don't even want to go out to eat. If I get the occasional craving, I much prefer to pick it up and bring it home to eat. While wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Yes, it's true. My world is small. And I'm good with that, too.
On the other hand. At work I do have friends, and we interact. I am seriously lucky with the people that sit right by me, and also with other people throughout the office that I've gotten to know. I guess they're maybe starting to get to know me a little bit better now, too, and I think it's starting to sink in that I'm no kind of a threat to anyone's friendships, office position, or anything else. All of my socialization needs are pretty much met right there are work. Yet another thing I'm good with; it's a one-stop shop!
So, basically, I go to work and I come home. But I still think I will be able to come up with blog post material...because my brain still goes about a mile a minute, even if the rest of me doesn't. We'll see, huh?
To be honest, I don't completely understand the ebb and flow of writing for me these days. I have thoughts. Nothing monumental, but thoughts nonetheless. Am I just lazy? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I do know that when I actually sit at the computer and pound out a blog post, I am happy. Except for when the whole post gets lost.
Christmas was...wonderful. It just keeps getting better each and every year. All of the kids are older now, so it's not really so much about mass consumption. Christmas Eve, I was sitting next to Bailey and she received two beautifully-wrapped packages; I mean, they were gorgeous from the paper to the bow to the gift tag. I made a comment to her about how pretty they were, and she said she wasn't even in a rush to open them because she wanted to just look at them for a while longer. I LOVE THAT!!! I love that I have a very unmaterialistic family. Don't get me wrong, we all love gifts, and everybody can always think of something they would like to have...but none of that is the center of our holiday.
Christmas Day we had the best time playing Uno Attack...while the boys watched sports, we played that game and had a blast. Lynda, Tori, Lori, Tracy, Katie and me...and I can't remember the last time I lauged that hard. All of that and a ham dinner, too! Plus, FTW, I got to bring home the ham bone. Hello, bean soup!
I think part of the reason that it was such a pleasurable holiday was because of it falling on the weekend. Getting to work a half-day on Friday and then having today off to be able to rest up after enjoying the holidays? That is the best...I'm not a real fan of having to go back the work the day right after Christmas. Not that the merry-making goes on until all hours or anything, but it's just nice to have some breathing time. And to know that there is still another three-day weekend coming up? Please and thank you.
Work is good but, to be honest, I'm looking forward to it being busy again. The week before Christmas was so slow...it's never been like that before. The whole month of December was not as busy as what I'm used to, but this past week really drug on. Even if it is one call right after another busy, I'd rather have it be that way so the days fly by. I hear that January is crazy around there; no vacation is allowed for the whole month. Fine with me; I like it busy.
I'm still liking my work, even though it can be frustrating at times. Because, really...what in the whole world ISN'T frustrating at times! Even after practically a year, I still feel like I am in training. There are a lot of things that don't come up very often and, when they do, I don't remember exactly what to do. Thank God for the resource line, and for the post-its that adorn the frames of my computer screens. I know that I am never going to be one of the departmental stars, and I'm okay with that. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be the plodding, methodical one. Not a big stand-out, but there every day, chuggin' along. I just don't have the drive anymore to get ahead, although ANY extra money would be nice. There is nothing that I have to prove to anyone, and the majority of the department is made up of younger people who are interested in moving up the ladder, so it is a good fit. It's all good.
I've morphed again, back into being a homebody. I think that is my default setting; I really do. Bill was such a "go-er and do-er" and he was so darn much fun to go and do with, that I loved getting out of my homebody comfort zone. In the first years after he was gone, I tried to continue that, in a few different variations. The first couple of years, just go, go, go as much as possible and it didn't matter who I did it with; I just needed to keep moving so I wouldn't fall apart. Then I still wanted to go, but not quite as frantically; with more carefully chosen activities and people. Now, though...OY. The occasion has to be something really special to be graced by my presence, and I'm more than good with that, and I don't see it changing.
At this point in my life, I don't want to travel. I freakin' hate traveling. Yeah, I said it. If I could twitch my nose and magically be in a place, that would be great...but the thought of even just getting to an airport makes me hyperventilate, and that doesn't even take into account going through security and getting on the plane! I'd rather do a road trip...but then I don't want to stay overnight anyplace. Yeah, I said that, too. The fact of the matter is, I like my bed. I like my own toilet. I don't want to sleep in any other bed and use any other toilet. Plus, I like to have Frank and/or Nancy sleep with/on me. I don't want to spend too much money watching movies in theaters; I'd rather watch them on the small screen in the comfort of my house. I don't even want to go out to eat. If I get the occasional craving, I much prefer to pick it up and bring it home to eat. While wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Yes, it's true. My world is small. And I'm good with that, too.
On the other hand. At work I do have friends, and we interact. I am seriously lucky with the people that sit right by me, and also with other people throughout the office that I've gotten to know. I guess they're maybe starting to get to know me a little bit better now, too, and I think it's starting to sink in that I'm no kind of a threat to anyone's friendships, office position, or anything else. All of my socialization needs are pretty much met right there are work. Yet another thing I'm good with; it's a one-stop shop!
So, basically, I go to work and I come home. But I still think I will be able to come up with blog post material...because my brain still goes about a mile a minute, even if the rest of me doesn't. We'll see, huh?
Friday, December 09, 2011
**BLOGGING FAILURE ...**
How does this happen anyway? There is a part of me that has really wanted to get back into blogging again wholeheartedly. Then it comes down to actually writing a post, and I got nothin'.
My world is still pretty small these days and that doesn't lend itself to having lots of blogging material, I guess. Work is still pretty much the driving force behind my life these days. If I were to blog about even just a fraction of what happens there, I'd be winning blog awards. But then there's that pesky little confidentiality and social media agreement that I signed...so that's that.
What I can safely say is this. Work is busy and I'm talking for pretty much eight hours straight, so talking is STILL the last thing I want to do after leaving work. And...I STILL have to be very careful about making sure that I do whatever I have to do to make sure that I'll have enough energy and that my joints and muscles will cooperate so that I can get there every day. Sometimes that can seem like a whole other job. Right now my med regimen has, for the most part, been working. But the nature of the beast(s) is that it can change daily and sometimes I just have to power through, despite feeling really lousy. I can usually do it, but it takes a LOT of energy. By the end of those days, there isn't any left. BUT...no matter what, being employed beats not being employed every time!
And it is the HOLIDAY SEASON...my most favorite time. But it's also hard, or maybe I should say harder than usual and the passage of time makes no difference at all. The people that I miss on a daily basis? I miss them even more during the holidays. What I wouldn't give to have Mom and Grandma around, and I won't even get going on how very much I miss my Billy. He made the holidays even more wonderful for me; but, then again, he made every day more wonderful for me. I just can't wait until we're reunited in eternity. I'm lovin' now just fine, but I'm also looking forward to that.
On a fun holiday note, our Secret Santa week at work starts on Monday. That's always so much fun, and especially since I got one of my good work friends. I had fun finding special treats for her and hope she likes them. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious about who my Secret Santa is. There are a few people on our team who aren't so enamored with me...friends of the mentor that I needed to switch early on when I first started ...so I just hope it's not one of them. It would be so embarrassing to get lumps of coal. :)
As usual, our family Christmas is something I'm looking so forward to, especially with Christmas Eve and Day falling on the weekend. SCORE!!! Our annual Christmas Eve at Shawn and Stacie's house is always such a fun time, and then having all of us be together for Christmas Day will be nice. It's a lot less hectic now that all of the kids are older. But so am I ...HA! Still hard to believe that, rather than having a Mom and Grandma, I AM the "Mom" and Grandma. EEEK! Poor kids! :)
Wow, look at this...an actual blog post! It helps being able to do this on my phone, in the comfort of my warm bed. Wait ...that makes me sound pretty lazy, but that's not the case...at least not in this instance. It's 5:19 a.m., so it's okay. Right???
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