Wow! Is been 3 yrs that I've not update and I felt weird when I sudden read back the post that I've written so far.
Anyway, I thk I shall write it more frequent to express my inner feelings here that I can't find to share to any one surrounding me.
I don't know why or since when I've become like this. I felt the frustrations that she(Amy Leong) had on me. I do have frustrating moments to her as well. But, I do wish she stand on my shoes and thk. Wish she more understanding about me. I've done many things to her. To please her. To help her. But to her, this is nothing than a feel that she felt is intimacy. She had strongly stated that we both lack of intimacy.
In that case, I really don't know what kind of intimacy that I can give her. Holding hand n kiss each other in public is acceptable. But holding hand and hug each other in front of elderly, my apology. I can't do that and I felt is not really respect the elderly in the house. But she felt that I do not have the eagee to see her, to chat and talk with her. Not concerning her and so on.
I really felt the frustrations inside me and I can't voice out everything. Well, you know. Girls. Oversensitive, too emotionally, too secretive. Everythings expect you guess and give the answer to them. Sigh.
I really don't know what or how can I do anymore.
Good night....
Money.......my personal opinion, money is important and less important. It is depends on how you judge it. For myself, I think that when M.O.N.E.Y come into involvement especially in friendship or relationship, it is always a highly sensitive issues. Example, I'm having a tickets for a dinner and I volunteered myself to reduce the price and asking my friends to attend the dinner. It only half of the price of the tickets itself and can enjoy a 8-10 course meal for the night. The ticket only cost RM30 for them for 8-10 course meal. First thought, why it so? Second thought, I attend it, what do I have in return?
Do M.O.N.E.Y really need to get what in return once u invested it? I pretty disappointed with the attitudes of my friends asking no point to attend the dinner as they paid the price just for eat. Nothing had impressed me with the dinner either in 3 course meal or 8-10 course meal. In relationship, regardless husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, when M.O.N.E.Y issue popped up in their conversation or in their mind, all of them had built a wall in front of them for defend themselves and avoiding unnecessary hurtful words. Actually, M.O.N.E.Y do hurtful, aren't it? With arguments, fighting and dying for it. Nowadays, because of M.O.N.E.Y, people tends to forget themselves who they are and where they from. Involvement of M.ON.E.Y really make people sick of it and hatred. But, in this reality world, what else if not M.O.N.E.Y? All is about M.O.N.E.Y.
Jessie J- Price Tag <<<< just like this song
I personally agreed that everyone had it own price to pay. Without M.O.N.E.Y, everything is impossible and vice versa. It is totally understandable when things turns ugly because of M.O.N.E.Y.
Sigh, I really tired and sick of hearing " I need M.O.N.E.Y to settle this...." " I need M.O.N.E.Y to do this...."
Everyone is having a dream that I WISH I WAS A MILLIONAIRE OR BILLIONAIRE so that I can do or buy what I want. I WISH........all is just put on their lips and never figured it that M.O.N.E.Y won't come by its own but to earn and get it.
Anyway, I just deeply disappointed and saddened with my friends and I've felt that it is very hurtful. Before ended, enjoy the song that I share below. Highly recommended. =) Night, peeps.
Boys Like Girls- Be your everything
Dear GOD, hw can it be so cruel to me that I've diagnosed Prostate Cancer in such a young age of me, 24yrs old guy whom is healthy, tall and not bad looking?! I was devasted when I first get to know this. I totally out of my mind. Doc said it need to remove immediately. I can't make my own decision. I was confused. I was blurred. I was blind by my own fears. I don't know what to do next and I can't hold my breath longer to accept this matter. The whole day was disaster to me and at night, I was broken into tears in front of my girlfriend whom also feel devasted and unset about my sickness....
I promise her that I'll not leave her no matter what. I'll take care of her no matter what. I'll care and love her as much as I could for her but that night, I really can't control myself and ask her to leave me but she insisted want to stay beside me and go through it with me.. I'm really appreciated and feel warm on her promises.
The following day, I was went to see another doc which is quite famous in the related field. Once he touched and feel, he straight ahead confirm with me that "I'm 80% sure that is a tumor inside and it is a cancer." I was like......the answer is the same with the doc previous day! What I'm gonna do? What I'm suppose to do?! Luckily the doc reassure that the operation was small and high chances in recovery....I'm just relieved abit....On the day itself, Doc asked me to straight admitted into hospital and wait for tommorrow's operation at the morning. It was happened to fast and I've no choice to have second thinking. I straight go to admission counter and register myself and stayed at the ward for a night before go for operation on the following day.
The next day, doc was bring me to operation theather and in a short while, I was been dosed by 7.5ml of analgesic and sleep for nearly 2 hours before I was noticed that I already at ward. I feel my left side below my stomach was pain and there's the part the operate and taken out the cancer cell out. I was really thankful towards my doc, Assoc Prof Dr. George Lee Eng Geap for doing the operation for me and I'm glad I'm still alive....
GOD BLESS~~~
Rethink?! Space? that's 2 words i've heard frm my gal....she was asking me nt to disturb her in time being as she nid space and rethink.....i dunno wat's going on between us....she was disappointed wif the way i spoke and try to ver up everything whenever she caught me lying and try to push back the problem to her......OMG...i was devasted....i dunno wat can i said.....in a relationship, shouldn't it to be honest? y muz i lie and cover up my ass? do i get any benefit of it? NO!!!! is nt like dat.....she yet dun wan accept my explaination....probably i myself cant c thru whether am i dat kind of person.....i find my best fren, ee wen....she was try to look on the matter and she had concluded that I'm dat kind of person but she din make any blame asv as human at the 1st place and covering up our asses is part of the way...cant blame whoever....she was right...probably i myself reli cant c thru wat had gone thru on me and i was on this kind of act....i reli nid time to change myself and brand new me....stop giving excuses and frank to each other....x more hiding or lying.....
but do i? nah...nvr mind.....is time to change when wanna save this relationship.....GOD bless me.....
2/6/2010
early in the morning with breeze wind blew onto my faces, i felt so refresh and energetic....but after awhile, i was felt sadness through my eyes and heartache...it's almost been 2 days i've not talking wif my lover.....she've been anger at me jz bcz of the joke i've make on her which she thought in her mind that i'm finding reason to cover myself....i've send many sms and calls to her but yet, none of it had been returned....what am i gonna do? i've been through this stage for several times.....i want to meet her desperately and say that i'm sorry.....hopefully later during at lunch time, i call her and she'll pick up the call.....God bless.....
OMG.....i was damn pist off.....hw can she treat me like this? else than watch movie, thr's ntg v can do? v jz cant find a place to sit down and haf slow talk? cant v jz find a place to spend our quality time? ur time is precious and my time is not precious? I'm willing to sacrifice all my times for u and yet, u cant delay ur back time home for 15min.....who am i to u? u back hm nt even haf an hour can reach hm and me yet haf to drive all the way back to ampang and haf to face traffic jam!! do u consider abt me? do u concern abt me? do u care abt me? all u care is urself and ur family!! hw abt me? which position i'm in to in ur heart?!!! pls.....i'm human and yet haf feeling too!! is such a long time v din spend time together and yet, this is d attitude and behaviour as well as d way u talk to me? Am i nt worth to get ur love? OMG....i reli dunno wat to do now.....i'm seriously dunno wat can or cant do to u......i do consider and concern abt u....but yet...all u said u do reserve d time for me....but ask u back hm late 15 min after d movie and u can reach hm b4 5 or 5.30, u said cant!!! HEY!! pls lar......do u love me d way i love u?!!!! damn....reli pist off and my heart reli feel ache....is like been cut many times by knife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is been a week that i've didn't update my blog....hmm...wat shud i said...hahaha....frm the monday last week till today?! haha....quite funny tho...but anyway, thr's plenty of news happening within that week...let me recall back....haha...
