Some pics

1st pic is Connor and DH's hand, 2nd is me and Jack, 3rd is Jack, 4th is Connor

My life has been a whirlwind lately. This post will be short and to the point.

First, the boys weights:
Jack was 4 lbs 8 oz
Connor was 4 lbs 4.5 oz

Jack is already over his birthweight at 4 lbs 10 oz and Connor isn't too far behind at 4 lbs 2.8 oz. They are both already into open air cribs, not warmers - BIG milestone for the NICU! They are no longer receiving any kind of critical care - actually only Connor was receiving some forced air when he was born....nothing like a ventilator, just forced room air to help expand his lungs a little more. Anyway, he's off that now - HOORAY! They still receive most of their feedings by a little tube into their bellies, but they are now getting some feeds by mouth. They can come home once they can handle all 8 feeds by mouth. Connor gets 1 a day and Jack gets 2. They can progress quickly or get stuck at a certain number of feeds. Supposedly boys are slower learners...either that or they are a little lazier and prefer not to work for their food. HA!

Breastfeeding has become problematic. Both boys latch on well, but seem to be too small to suck hard for their food. I'm pumping at home with a mack-daddy hospital pump, but my milk hasn't come in fully. I did get off to a late start due to all of the medical complications with me, but I'm not giving up hope...not yet. I just pump and bring in what I've got. :) If it isn't in by Monday though, I'm done. The lactaction consultant wanted to put me on Reglan to increase milk production, but something about taking a Rx to bring in something that's supposed to happen naturally just doesn't sit right with me. Isn't that ridiculous?! I mean how many god forsaken Rx's did I take to create these little angels? Oh well....anyone have experience with taking Reglan for this reason?

Thanks for all of your congrats! Hope everyone is well.

They're Here!!!!!!!!!

Here's the scoop: I was admitted into the hospital for worsening pre-eclampsia symptoms on Monday night - totally shocked and freaked out. I definitely did NOT want to have to sleep with those damn monitors on all night and I thought my OB was being a bit overprotective. Thank God for her though! I ended up staying all day Tuesday for monitoring and by that evening, the protein in my urine had doubled. In the middle of the night, I started having "for real" labor contractions and let me just say - OH MY GOD.....DO THEY HURT! Lots of injections to stop contractions (boys were only 34 weeks, etc...), steroid injections (just in case they come early, let's help with their lungs, etc...) and too many other occurances to even recall accurately. The bottom line is this...by Wednesday morning my high risk OB came to see me and told me the longer I stayed pregnant, the more dangerous it would become for me and the boys. An hour after that, my regular OB came to visit and gave us the option of a C-section or induced labor. My head was spinning, to put it mildly. We decided on the section for several reasons, but mostly because I "felt" that my body was not going to react well to the number of cocktails I'd need to first, induce labor and then, to prevent seizures (from the pre-eclampsia) On top of all those artificial drugs, I knew I'd be opting for the epidural too, and I just didn't feel right about it. Once we made the decision, we literally had 25 minutes to pack up that hospital room and prepare for surgery. My husband quickly took some video footage of me since we had very little pics of my pregnant belly. We were hoping to have a cute one done of the two of us on Thansksgiving - again...can you ever really prepare for what life has coming your way? I think not.

Anyway, I was in the operating room by 9:30 - spinal tapped like 2 minutes later - then lying flat on the operating table with a crew of abot 500 looking over me. My husband was called in and brought to sit by my head and hold my hand. Connor Michael was born at 9:48 am and Jack Thomas came a minute later. The boys were quickly swaddled and put on my chest for about 15 seconds each and then they were gone. I didn't see them again until 5:00 the next evening. What occurred next was just a blur to me, and thank God for that. I know that I lost a lot of blood and that several different residents and my OB were pulling out clots that had formed. I won't get into how they did that - you would puke! I remember them discussing that I might need a blood transfusion, but I don't really think I processed THAT until yesterday when the fog of all that had just happened to me began to lift. You might be wondering why it took me 24 hours to see my boys...well, one of the negative post-delivery treatments of pre-eclampsia is an IV drip of magnesium sulfate. It puts the body's muscles in an extreme state of relaxation in order to prevent me from seizuring. It also puts you into a fog unlike anything I've ever experienced. For the next 24 hours, all I remember thinking was...I just had phantom babies. Where are they? How strange is this? Did I really just deliver? And the weirdest thing of all was that I was okay with the fact that they weren't with me. Perhaps that was the only wonderful side effect of the med - the ability to forget that you just had children and weren't doing the typical bonding that most other moms get to do.

The boys are both in the NICU and will probably be there for some prematurity issues they need to work out for about 2 weeks. I know that it's going to be beyond difficult to leave the hospital tomorrow without them, but dammit, I'm focusing on the positive. I feel so blessed right now and I WILL have my boys home with me soon. In the meantime, my DH and I have already planned to come everyday for at least 2 of their feedings. This is the best time to take them out, hold them, and cuddle them. They know our voices too. It's crazy. My God, I feel like the luckiest women in the world right now. I will try my best to post some pics at some point in the next couple of days. For now, you'll just have to believe me that they are so freaking cute AND TINY - they look kinda like wrinkled old men - HA! I'm doing what I can to fatten them up though. In fact, I started breast pumping two days ago but that's an entirely different post. LOL!

Okay, I feel like this post has become one long ramble..could be from the lovely percocets I'm on :) Or maybe it's because all of a sudden I've become a mother. I can't believe it. After all of this hell, I'm now the mother of Jack and Connor.

World's Worst Blogger

I have to start by being honest - I'm back to blogging because I've been put on bedrest. Not that I didn't miss all of you, I've just been super busy with the new house. Plus I've been attempting to "nest" with all of my added weight and it's been taking me much longer than I ever would have thought. However now, I can't do anything other than sit around (lay around, really) and wait, and think, and wait, and worry, and think some more. All of this thinking and waiting brings me to each of you. The women who were with me during my darkest hours. I've been trying to catch up with many of your posts and will continue to do so each day. In the meantime, just in case you're interested, here's what's up with me.

*I'm currently 33 1/2 weeks.
*Both babies weighed around 4 1/2 lbs as of two weeks ago.
*I'm having regular Braxton Hicks contractions often - way more than 6 an hour. Just seems to be my uterus pissed off...
*I was 1 cm dilated last week.
*I am quite certain I lost my MP (ewwwww!) in the shower yesterday morning....at least I have to hope that's what it was - I can't imagine what else it could have been. Oh and it's flipping disgusting too!
*I was admitted into the hospital 3 weeks ago for preterm labor (the night before my baby shower) and was released the next day when the contractions stopped. Again, my ute is just pissed, I think.
*I had my blessed baby shower and loved every single minute of it. I was spoiled like crazy and the boys have just about everything they could ever need or want.
*DH and I hired my sister in law to help for the first 6 months of the boys' lives. Her daugher (my niece, Ashley) is 2 months old and she'll be coming along too. We decided to tag team this whole motherhood thing. She's going to help me with laundry, cooking, and taking care of the boys. Everyone's pretty psyched all around - she was able to quit her job and won't be needing to take lil' Ash to daycare. Pretty cool!

Hmmmm...what else?

*Oh, I haven't had sex in like over 5 weeks which sucks! Not allowed to either anytime soon...
*The new house is coming along nicely. My 'rents have done most of the unpacking.
*My sister got engaged and already picked the date - October 22, 2010.
*I'm being monitored for pre-eclampsia. High risk OB says the babies may be coming out as early as this upcoming Friday - Black Friday, that is! Yikes!

That's all I've got for now. Hope this post finds you all doing well. Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Here and there

First of all, thanks for all of the comments - I missed all of you too. :)

Second, it seems that I still do have a UTI. This is so annoying...seriously. I just don't seem to be able to get rid of them. I'm back on Macro.bid for another 7 day cycle and then my OB told me to take one pill a night for the rest of my pregnancy - just as a precaution and to help prevent another one from forming. She said that particular drug is safe, so I guess I'll go with it. I'm trying not to over think any of this right now - still coming to grips that this might actually be happening. I don't think I'll have my big sigh of relief until they're born though. My mom told me that most pregnant women feel that way, so I guess it isn't just an infertile side effect. The weird thing is I've had NO side effects from the UTIs at all - no burning when I go to the bathroom, no feeling like I've got to go when I don't...I don't get it. Bleh - changing the subject now.

I had my work baby shower last Friday. It was really cute and the staff bought me a lot of great stuff from my registry. One of the girls even made me a diaper cake (I never thought I'd see the day..) It was pretty awesome - two of my closest friends put it together and I could feel their love. It's going to be really weird to leave work this Friday. My OB's office writes patients out of work at the beginning of the 3rd trimester when you're pregnant with twins. They're putting me on "limited activity" and will begin seeing me every two weeks for internals - ICK! I was also told to stop having sex. Not that I was having a whole lot of it, but still...kinda weird. Apparently semen can cause contractions and according to my OB, "thrusting can cause bacteria to form in the bladder." Hence, possible bladder infections... She really said that yesterday and I almost died laughing.

What else...oh yeah, I've gained about 40 pounds. Nice, right? Still hacking up mucus every morning which leads to the dry heaves and the explosive nose bleeds have started. None of that matters though. I know how lucky I am. Really I do.

Did I blog about my grandmom passing? I don't think I did. She passed away at the end of August. She was diagnosed with liver cancer on July 5th of this year when she went to see her doctor for some back pain. She died within a month and a half. She was a huge cheerleader for me during my pre-pregnancy journey. And once I was pregnant, all she talked about was how both her and my other grandmother could each have a baby while visiting. It kills me that she isn't going to see them. I visited her in the hospital the day after I found out that I was having boys. She was very weak at that point, but she definitely cracked a smile - kinda like, hehehehe good luck sweetie! I'm glad I was able to tell her that. Anyway, it's been a huge loss - one that I wasn't expecting. I'm going to end this post with a quote that she used to say about life - in fact, she said this all the time when I was in the midst of the ups and downs of IVF cycles. She'd say: It's not the stuff we worry about that gets us, it's the stuff we never see coming. How true that is for someone dealing with infertility and how true it was for the end of her life. I love you, Mom Mom.

hello....

I'm still here - still pregnant - no UTIs - thank God! Will definitely post at some point this week. We're moving in a week and a half and my last day of work is this Friday - things have been HECTIC to put it mildly.

Thinking of each of you and looking forward to catching up.

This Goddamn UTI...

...is STILL here. After taking the new medication for 5 days, I noticed blood again in my urine. I called the OB - I went in. They found high levels of blood STILL in my urine. They prescribed a Level C (not ideal for pregnancy) med called Cip.ro. Ever heard of it? Supposedly it will "knock it right out." Really? Because I feel like I've heard that before.

I called my good old fertility specialist (love them still) and the head doc there said to take it. He said it's more important to clear this up as the alternative could lead to a miscarriage. Fanfuckingtastic! My mother-in-law is a nurse and works closely with my primary doctor. She involved him and he's also looking over the culture results. He called a perinatologist friend of his who said I should take it. Side note which she decided to tell me - I'm not sure why...I thought she knew me better than this...apparently Cip.ro can cause cartilage damage in fetuses. Oh goodie. Now I can add that to my plate of worry.

And the numbing hands are now keeping me awake for most of the night. Why did I think I would have an easy time in pregnancy? Did I think that the universe might give me a fucking break because I had such a hard time getting here? Shit. I did. Note to self: The universe has nothing to do with our measly little lives on Earth.

The Sexes Have Been Confirmed

I'm having twin BOYS!!!

DH and I are very excited (although I must admit - I cried a little bit - I'm a total girly girl) and the babies measured perfectly. No concerns in that area, according to the high risk OB which is a huge relief. I asked about my cervix - he said it's fine. That was it. It's fine. So, okay...gotta remember that. Oh and I've apparently developed carpal tunnel syndrome as a result of the pregnancy. I was told to wear wristbands to bed to help with the pain. And the tingly sensation. Weird, huh? It's supposed to subside after the delivery. I sure hope so 'cause it makes pushing myself up out of bed to pee in the middle of the night a real bitch.

That's it for now. Pretty life changing news, I'd say. I'm going to be the mother of two boys. Wow!