Month: July 2012

Leigh Statham

Frankenmom… Back in Black!

Do you ever feel like you are trying to put your life together with left over parts from the “Abi Normal” shelf at Target? Yah.. that’s been my week this week.

I have a dear friend who insists that all of my little irksome failings stem from a severe case of ADD, and she’s probably right, but I keep telling myself… amazing and brilliant people have ADD! Maybe that means I’m amazing and brilliant!! Maybe I just need meds!!

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ADD/ADHD BRAIN – It’s so PRETTY! Better than a butterfly!

Anyway, I needed a little blog about nothing today. Just a catch up and a shout out. A way to satiate this ADD without painting half of another room in my house.

First! The shout out!

Thank you! SO much to my friends and followers who responded publicly and privately to my last post. I didn’t mean to alarm anyone, I just believe in being honest and I wanted to hear what the rest of the world had to say on the subject of disappointment. And I was right, it’s a disease we all have in varying degrees.

Another THANK YOU! To SlushPileHell.com for this post:

Usually I don’t pick on a writer’s actual manuscript, but I can’t resist this humdinger:

“My legs are suddenly the consistency of Jell-O. I’m so glad I decided to wear my best jeans this morning.”

Oh, my bad. That’s not from a query. It’s from Fifty Shades of Grey. You know, that series that has sold 7 million copies. Please kill me.

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I think getting rich and famous as a crappy writer is pretty much on par with winning the lottery. Some can do it, but not many and I’d rather not play that game. Shooting for Tolstoy from my desk! (Did he have ADD?)

Now for ketchup:

Still querying. Book is out in full to an agent.. very exciting! Waiting for words in the form of “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE?!” Also preparing synopsis for SCBWI critiques in Charlotte.. SO EXCITED for this one! Can’t come soon enough!

And in true ADD style, I started two more new manuscripts. Am fulfilling my dream of writing my Great^6 grandmother’s story only I’ve decided it should definitely be written a la The Golden Compass.. I’ll let you mull that one over for a while. Also started my memoirs. Time to get them out of  my head whether they are marketable or not.
Off to feed a child or two.. or four… What do you do with your ADD? do you treat it or revel in it? Does it cripple you or shoot you forward at the speed of light? Wish I were a demigod somedays.. would make life easier. Maybe I’ll just order a Camp Halfblood t-shirt and pretend 🙂

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This is NOT me in the photo.. if only I could look this smoldery in orange!

Adios!!

Leigh Statham

Bad News

I received some pretty devastating news last month. Nothing book related, and nothing I would want to share openly with the world, but life changing all the same.

Of course I’ve cried. I probably cried at least five days worth of hours over the past month. I would slide into normal behavior then Wham! Something would remind me and my heart would break all over again.

This experience has changed me in a way. I’ve felt extreme sorrow before, but never, I don’t think, on this level. It’s also effected my work, my home, my immediate family… Pretty much everything even though I tried not to let it.

So, my question is this, how do you deal with life’s disappointments? I never thought this before, but I’m of the opinion now that even those people who’s lives are perfect on the outside will, at some point, if they haven’t already, be extremely disappointed. And those of us who get it on a regular basis will continue to be disappointed.

How do you cope?

I have four darling children, and as much as I would love to curl up in my bed with a cup of tea and my “to read” stack, I can’t really do that. What I’ve done instead is start 15 projects at once; that new book I’ve been meaning to write, a mural, routine paint touchups around the house, training for a couple of races, rewrites on my current novel, more query letters, an online lit mag project…. I’ll stop before you decide I’m crazier than I actually am. I have carefully selected a few good friends to confide in and I’ve seen a counselor. I started a journal. A real pen and paper journal for when I’m not too busy to think.

I’ve also committed myself to visit the beach at least once a week, weather permitting, which it hasn’t! Grrr. And I’ve been baking a lot of cookies. Aren’t cookies just the perfect comfort food? Yes, this means my diet is on hold for the time being, but that’s ok.

I’ve forgiven myself.

For the dumb things I should have seen but didn’t, for needing some time, for falling apart a bit.

I’m not sure where this road will lead me, but I’m seeing things I never would have seen otherwise. Even through my tears, I’m seeing things more clearly now. Which I hope, someday, might make me a better writer, mother, spouse and human being.

So, really, how do you cope?

Leigh Statham

Top 10 Things I Couldn’t Live Without on My Great American Road Trip

We’re home!  We survived! And now to give credit to those things that saw us through…

10 – FORMULA – I can’t tell you how awesome it is to make a bottle for a baby and reach over the seat to stick it in his mouth while driving. I’m not against breast feeding, wish it would have worked out with this little guy, but the bottle can’t be beat for road trips.

9 – IKEA POTTY TRAINING POTTY – The little ditty costs $4 and is a life saver for little girls who “GOTTA GO!” in the middle of no where. Or in case the gast station toilets are questionable. Let’s face it. I wouldn’t sit on some of those toilets much less make my little darlings sit on them. Ugh. This tiny potty fits nicely under their feet and can be used then wiped out with a baby wipe and put back quickly and easily. Do I sound like an infomercial yet?

8 – HOME MADE CD’s – I made a couple of cd’s with our favorite music on it for the road. Some educational, some just fun, some quiet for bedtimes and one just for Sundays to ease the guilt of not going to church. Good times!

7 – iPHONES – Holy Shmoly. If I wasn’t addicted to my phone already I am completely and utterly hooked now. I can’t tell you how many ways my iPhone, specifically made this trip so much easier. And I don’t even have the latest and greatest. From chatting with my friends to updating my blog to mapping out our road to finding hotels.. this phone did it all. I think I’m going to name it Data. As in Data from Star Trek next generation. My phone is my best robotic friend.

6 -CLEAN SHEETS – There is nothing more comforting than ending a long day on the road or adventuring in new towns than curling up in clean sheets. I am especially fond of the smell of bleach on crunchy ones. Heaven 🙂

5 – KAYAK APP – Kayak.com has an app that has a little button that says “Find me a hotel for the night’. You click that little button and BAM! you get a list of hotels complete with prices, availability, amenities and how far away they are. I LOVE THIS APP! I love it more than chocolate. Especially on a week night in the middle of no where Iowa. How far are we from bed kids? Let me ask Grandma Kayak. Priceless.. and it was FREE!

4 -DVD PLAYER – I don’t think I need to explain this one. But I will add that I ordered educational videos about a couple of our stops ahead of time so I could force the kids to learn something about where we were going before we got there. It only backfired once, at the Hoover dam, where my son kept informing the tour guide that the Japanese tried to bomb the dam in 1940-whatever. Yah, he said it at least fifty times on the tour and usually followed it up with the question: What would we do if terrorists bombed the dam right now? The old timers were pretty antsy to get rid of us.

3 – GOOGLE MAPS – Did you know that when you are stuck in LA traffic you can pull up the Google maps app and see EXACTLY where the flow of traffic is stuck and where it is moving? It’s so accurate it’s actually creepy. Some people are fighting Google and their insatiable hunger for our stats. I say GIVE IN, GIVE UP & ENJOY! Google is brilliant. They can have all my information if they show me the best way out of down town LA at 5pm and help me find the dirt road to my best buddy’s house in the middle of nowhere Indiana. I estimate that by using the Google maps app I saved approximately 49.7 hours worth of time on my trip. No lie.

2 –  CAR SEATS! CAR SEATS! CAR SEATS! This has to be the most ingenious invention modern man has come up with. And to make them a LAW! Even more ingenious. “It’s not me that says you have to be tied down in one place unable to touch your siblings for the next 6,000 miles.. it’s Uncle Sam. Write your senator a letter while we cross Oklahoma kids.” How did past generations go anywhere without their kids strapped into their seats? No wonder they all died so young. Car wrecks and craziness got ’em all I bet!

1 –  GOOD FRIENDS AND FAMILY – Ahh.. now for the squishy goodness of it all… this trip would have been pointless and completely void without all the sweet, sweet friends and family I was able to see along the way. I come from a MONSTROUS Mormon family and I have LOADS of fantastic friends, both new and old, that bless my life. What a great time to be able to see them all and have them help me throw my kids in bed after a long day of adventuring ! This is my huge, public THANK YOU! to everyone who fed us, sheltered us, laughed and cried with us. You’re the best! Now it’s your turn to come see me!

It was great updating from the road but back to my desk I go.. lots of great posts coming your way on writing in the coming weeks. Possibly a few on cookies. I’ve been baking cookies nonstop since we got home. Anyone who wants to send me a recipe for to die for cookies gets a gold star! 😉

Happy Trails Summer Road Warriors!

 

 

Leigh Statham

Day 24 – The Great American Road Trip

My trip odometer just turned over 6,500 miles. (Don’t worry, dear daddy is driving as I type.) We are mere hours from home. I’m pretty sure I died last night.

We crash landed with a dear friend in Brown County, Indiana (one of my other favorite places) who just happened to have four very dark, very quiet, brand new bedrooms in her basement. The baby slept almost 14 hours straight and I dreamt beautiful steampunk scenes for my new book I’m about to start.

This blissful night of rest was preceded by several quick reunions with friends we haven’t seen in years, a BBQ and several miles earlier that morning listening to my son say “Look! A floating piece of metal!”

In fact, he said it about 25 times over the space of one hour. What was this elusive floating piece of metal you ask? I’ll show you.

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Do you see it? It’s a guard rail at about 80 mph. If you’re not driving, stare at one. It looks like a floating piece of metal. Really! These are the kinds of distractions we’ve been driven to. Along with Poke the Baby and Make Him Laugh, Bison Ball, What Food Does this City Look Like, Tunnel Panic, Name that Crop, and Field Friend.

The girls have also decided that there is a never ending fence that stretches from NC to LA and back along the freeway. “No wonder the Indians were mad, that’s a lot of fence on their land.”

We were also treated to several more shrieks of “Edamame!!!!” along the way in Illinois and Indiana. The kids wanted to know if the pioneers were Japanese.

Kids are awesome. This trip would have been easier, but not nearly as fun without them. Lots of people tried and failed to hide their incredulous looks when I told them I was driving across country with my four kids, ages 9, 7, 5 and 1. To them I say: where is your sense of adventure? Where is your imagination? Where is your spark of wonder?

Everyone should do something big, exciting, and kind of crazy at least once in their life. I prefer to do something of that sort at least once a year. It keeps me young and gives all of us plenty of material for stories.

We’ll be home sweet home tonight. I’m sad to see this trip come to an end, but daddy needs to go back to work and we all miss our beds.

Life is good friends! Hope your dreams are taking you somewhere beautiful this summer! Real or in prose…

Leigh Statham

Day 23 – SD, MN, IL & Iowa. Need I Say More? The Great American Road Trip

I am pretty sure I drove more today than I have any other day this month. We left South Dakota, skimmed through Minnesota and nearly conquered Iowa. In the end, the corny corn state conquered us.

Did I tell you about the corn yet? Iowa has corn. Lots and lots of corn. In fact, there is so much corn I may be suffering from corn overload. Gazing out over dark green wave after wave nearly drove me insane. If it weren’t for the solid patch of asphalt stretching out in front of me and my kids constantly yammering for my attention in back, I may have lost myself forever in a renewable resource jungle.

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I didn’t take many pictures today, so this one is of George attacking the toilet paper just after he escaped his bed. I like to call it Whirling Dervish. 🙂

Items of interest: South Dakota is much more beautiful than most movies portray.

Minnesota is full of water.

Did I mention the corn yet?

I will never live anywhere that has to post a lighted sign at every on ramp stating: “Closed When Flashing” accompanied by a large red and white bar to block escape. Penalties for ignoring this sign can be as high as $750.

What the what??? If someone needs to get out of town so bad they are willing to jump a flashing bar in a blizzard, I would let them go. I would probably also cheer them on and beg them to take me with them.

Last will and testament: Please, children, burry me by the sea. If I never see another flake of snow in my life it will be too soon!

Exotic Animal Sightings: I’m fairly certain I saw a flock of dodo birds in the heart of Cedar Rapids. I definitely saw red winged black birds – my favorites, if not exotic – and a chipmunk. No llamas. Sigh.

The world’s largest Corn Palace (that’s right, a palace made entirely of corn) is in eastern South Dakota. Daddy said we’ll see it next time. Wink, wink.

You can also find lots of other interesting things there, like a tractor museum and Wall Drug. I have no idea why people love Wall Drug. It’s one of life’s great mysteries. But now that I’ve been there, I feel a warm kinship when I see a Wall Drug bumper sticker on the vehicles of fellow motorists. No idea what I’m talking about? Google Wall Drug, SD.

Once we survived the corn of Iowa, Illinois surprised us with fields of soy beans. My oldest daughter exclaimed from the back seat,”Oh, mommy! That’s a whole world full of edamame!! Definitely a life time supply!”

And last, but not least:

Dear Midwest,

Please consider changing the name of your most popular gas station, Kum&Go. Please? Ugh.

Also, I’m pretty sure the producers of Drop Dead Gorgeous got together and opened the chain of hotels named AmericInn. Haha… It cracks me up every time I say it. Ha!

Deep breath…

Signing off now from Normal, IL (awesome name for a town huh?!?) in the worst hotel since Gallup,NM. At least the doors lock and the sheets are bleached within an inch of their lives.

Hope your bed is soft wherever you lay your weary head tonight.

Almost home…