B"H I am still a bit tingly but much much better, the cramping is almost gone and the electrical shocks when I move are all gone. I got my IV calcium with no problems B"H and am appreciating the improvement. I am able to do what I have to do and smile while doing so.
My Shabbos cooking is done (though I didn't do most of it myself, I was B"H able to do what I needed to), my kids are bathed (thanks to my husband) and the final cleaning and sweeping is underway. The kids are working in exchange for pickles.
The one great thing about feeling so awful, is the contrast. When there is improvement it is easy to appreciate it.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Frustratingly numb
I have no idea what happened but my calcium is way down again and I feel yucky. I went for lab work this morning but the lab took its own sweet time getting us results.
Generally urgent labs sent off before 9am are supposed to have results by 2pm, but today they decided that they weren't running calcium urgently. Results only came in at 6:30pm and the office closes at 7pm, so it was too late for IV today.
I am a bit frustrated with my helper. She used to be so reliable and wonderful to work with. She didn't show up yesterday, but called to say she was coming today. This is not the first time this has happened recently. Today she didn't show up again. It has gotten to the point that I am embarrassed to call and check in to find out why she didn't come and make sure she is okay. It has been so many times that I feel like I am the one who has the issue for actually expecting it to work this time.
I know she has been going through a lot and I am not upset with her, but I need her. I need things to settle down for her or for her to say she can't keep the job now. Telling me she is coming and not showing up and not calling is frustrating.
One of my good friends said that I am not my normal patient self when my calcium is low. It makes sense. I feel gross, I can't do what I want to do, and I get electric shocks up my arms when I try move my fingers. Changing diapers and putting on my son's pjamas are a torture exercise I know is coming all evening and can't avoid. The laundry is sitting waiting to be folded, but that motion, over and over again, is not possible. My house is not a disaster, but it is not how I like it and it could be if I felt better or had a bit of help. There is so much to do that I can't and I don't feel good about it. I am grumpy. I am likely even a bit snappy, though I am trying to keep a smile on my face.
I did get a lot of pickles made in my new jars anyway. Even if I got nothing else done, at least that happened. I want the kids to have as many pickles as they want on Shabbos and I wanted to be able to show myself that I accomplished something today.
Generally urgent labs sent off before 9am are supposed to have results by 2pm, but today they decided that they weren't running calcium urgently. Results only came in at 6:30pm and the office closes at 7pm, so it was too late for IV today.
I am a bit frustrated with my helper. She used to be so reliable and wonderful to work with. She didn't show up yesterday, but called to say she was coming today. This is not the first time this has happened recently. Today she didn't show up again. It has gotten to the point that I am embarrassed to call and check in to find out why she didn't come and make sure she is okay. It has been so many times that I feel like I am the one who has the issue for actually expecting it to work this time.
I know she has been going through a lot and I am not upset with her, but I need her. I need things to settle down for her or for her to say she can't keep the job now. Telling me she is coming and not showing up and not calling is frustrating.
One of my good friends said that I am not my normal patient self when my calcium is low. It makes sense. I feel gross, I can't do what I want to do, and I get electric shocks up my arms when I try move my fingers. Changing diapers and putting on my son's pjamas are a torture exercise I know is coming all evening and can't avoid. The laundry is sitting waiting to be folded, but that motion, over and over again, is not possible. My house is not a disaster, but it is not how I like it and it could be if I felt better or had a bit of help. There is so much to do that I can't and I don't feel good about it. I am grumpy. I am likely even a bit snappy, though I am trying to keep a smile on my face.
I did get a lot of pickles made in my new jars anyway. Even if I got nothing else done, at least that happened. I want the kids to have as many pickles as they want on Shabbos and I wanted to be able to show myself that I accomplished something today.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Rest for the weary
It was a very quiet day today. I slept once the children left this morning and my husband took care of feeding them lunch before he left for work. Some wonderful high school girls took the children to the park for a couple hours. I picked them up from the park and brought them to the doctor to get my daughter's finger unbandaged, looked at and steri stripped. We also picked up some prescriptions.
Once we got back it was night gown and supper time. The day went quickly.
My daughter's bas mitzvah gift finally arrived at bedtime tonight! They said it would come Friday, or Sunday at the latest. Oh well, man plans and God laughs. She is very happy and I can finally stop worrying that they messed up the delivery.
It was a good day.
Tomorrow I have to get up early for labs and start preparing for Shabbos. I am hoping my husband can toivel (ritually immerse) my new pickling jars so I can pickle the cucumbers, which he bought me, while they are still nice and fresh. It isn't hard work, but I feel really accomplished when I manage that sort of project.
Once we got back it was night gown and supper time. The day went quickly.
My daughter's bas mitzvah gift finally arrived at bedtime tonight! They said it would come Friday, or Sunday at the latest. Oh well, man plans and God laughs. She is very happy and I can finally stop worrying that they messed up the delivery.
It was a good day.
Tomorrow I have to get up early for labs and start preparing for Shabbos. I am hoping my husband can toivel (ritually immerse) my new pickling jars so I can pickle the cucumbers, which he bought me, while they are still nice and fresh. It isn't hard work, but I feel really accomplished when I manage that sort of project.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A bit less exhausted
I didn't go to beading today.
I also didn't get up this morning. I have never stayed in bed when the cleaning lady came before, but I couldn't get up. I said goodbye to the kids, switched the laundry, took meds and fell back into bed this morning.
I got up in time to heat up lunch and chat with my cleaning lady before she left. She is a real sweetie and is worried about how tired I am, so I had to make her feel better.
Since I got my nap this morning and was only exhausted, not totally exhausted, I let the kids push me into taking them sandal shopping today. They are probably among the last children in Israel to be walking around in winter shoes.
It was in the high 80s again today and so dry that the field next to my house caught on fire and the fire department had to come and put it out. We did our shoe shopping while our house was full of smoke, and the fire department was taking care of things. I think the timing was perfect.
It is great how the girls are each so individual. It is even better that I could tell the sales lady if the child would say yes or no to each style before the child even saw them, and got it right every single time. One is into pink and frilly, one dark, classic and classy, and one a combination of classic and pink, if that is possible.
Bed time was a tad late since because we were a bit late getting home, but everyone went to sleep happy with new summer shoes or sandals next to their beds. I suspect that they will wake up happy and ready to run to school in the morning as well.
They are B"H so easy to please.
I also didn't get up this morning. I have never stayed in bed when the cleaning lady came before, but I couldn't get up. I said goodbye to the kids, switched the laundry, took meds and fell back into bed this morning.
I got up in time to heat up lunch and chat with my cleaning lady before she left. She is a real sweetie and is worried about how tired I am, so I had to make her feel better.
Since I got my nap this morning and was only exhausted, not totally exhausted, I let the kids push me into taking them sandal shopping today. They are probably among the last children in Israel to be walking around in winter shoes.
It was in the high 80s again today and so dry that the field next to my house caught on fire and the fire department had to come and put it out. We did our shoe shopping while our house was full of smoke, and the fire department was taking care of things. I think the timing was perfect.
It is great how the girls are each so individual. It is even better that I could tell the sales lady if the child would say yes or no to each style before the child even saw them, and got it right every single time. One is into pink and frilly, one dark, classic and classy, and one a combination of classic and pink, if that is possible.
Bed time was a tad late since because we were a bit late getting home, but everyone went to sleep happy with new summer shoes or sandals next to their beds. I suspect that they will wake up happy and ready to run to school in the morning as well.
They are B"H so easy to please.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Doing when you can't....
I often wonder if pushing through the exhaustion is wise.
I had my acupuncture today (and it was torture, the worst session pain wise so far, but my shoulder is also a lot less numb, so I don't know what to think/do). While I was out I walked through the shuk and bought two small planters and potting soil (I have been searching for dirt and pots for a long long time!) and some big glass jars to make pickles in.
Once I came home I put up noodles for lunch and melted cheese onto them, took care of the kids and waited desperately for my husband to come home so I could go to sleep.
He arrived home and I climbed into bed. Before I even closed my eyes my cell phone rang. Someone was coming over and would be there in twenty minutes. I needed her help so I didn't say no, I also didn't nap.
As long as I was up I put away some laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, filled the washer with blankets I want put away for the summer, and reorganized my son's closet a bit so we could put away some pump supplies that someone had kindly sent us from the states.
My husband was helping the girls clean their room. The trundle bed was out from my niece's visit this past weekend and there was clean laundry waiting to be put away and dirty laundry on the floor. That didn't go well, so I ended up overseeing that as well.
And I have gone from exhausted to falling asleep in the middle of conversations. Absolutely totally done. I am ready to cry.
I still need to eat so I can take medication but that requires the mental ability to figure out what to eat and the energy to make and eat it. I also need to put my son's food together. If has to happen the night before because there is never a spare 5 minutes before his van comes at 6:55am. Setting the alarm clock earlier doesn't help, it must be ready in advance of we miss his ride.
I have to figure out what I am doing tomorrow. I can't sleep in, my cleaning lady is coming, but does that mean that I should spend the energy traveling to the beading class, especially since I don't have a ride back and it will be two buses. I am not sure. I am tempted to stay home and bead here and save the strength.
I have to let my friend know if I am coming or not.
Ideally I would pick up and have the house ready for the cleaning lady. My room I did, my son's room isn't bad and the girls room they did a half decent job on. The living room isn't terrible, so it would only be 5 minutes of cleanup, but I am going to have to bite my pride and leave it for her to do. Not only is it embarrasing, but it means the toys will end up on the couch and chairs. Putting things away where they belong before she gets here always makes a huge difference in how the house looks and feels when she leaves.
This has turned into random overtired ramblings. I am going to sign off and go to sleep!
I had my acupuncture today (and it was torture, the worst session pain wise so far, but my shoulder is also a lot less numb, so I don't know what to think/do). While I was out I walked through the shuk and bought two small planters and potting soil (I have been searching for dirt and pots for a long long time!) and some big glass jars to make pickles in.
Once I came home I put up noodles for lunch and melted cheese onto them, took care of the kids and waited desperately for my husband to come home so I could go to sleep.
He arrived home and I climbed into bed. Before I even closed my eyes my cell phone rang. Someone was coming over and would be there in twenty minutes. I needed her help so I didn't say no, I also didn't nap.
As long as I was up I put away some laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, filled the washer with blankets I want put away for the summer, and reorganized my son's closet a bit so we could put away some pump supplies that someone had kindly sent us from the states.
My husband was helping the girls clean their room. The trundle bed was out from my niece's visit this past weekend and there was clean laundry waiting to be put away and dirty laundry on the floor. That didn't go well, so I ended up overseeing that as well.
And I have gone from exhausted to falling asleep in the middle of conversations. Absolutely totally done. I am ready to cry.
I still need to eat so I can take medication but that requires the mental ability to figure out what to eat and the energy to make and eat it. I also need to put my son's food together. If has to happen the night before because there is never a spare 5 minutes before his van comes at 6:55am. Setting the alarm clock earlier doesn't help, it must be ready in advance of we miss his ride.
I have to figure out what I am doing tomorrow. I can't sleep in, my cleaning lady is coming, but does that mean that I should spend the energy traveling to the beading class, especially since I don't have a ride back and it will be two buses. I am not sure. I am tempted to stay home and bead here and save the strength.
I have to let my friend know if I am coming or not.
Ideally I would pick up and have the house ready for the cleaning lady. My room I did, my son's room isn't bad and the girls room they did a half decent job on. The living room isn't terrible, so it would only be 5 minutes of cleanup, but I am going to have to bite my pride and leave it for her to do. Not only is it embarrasing, but it means the toys will end up on the couch and chairs. Putting things away where they belong before she gets here always makes a huge difference in how the house looks and feels when she leaves.
This has turned into random overtired ramblings. I am going to sign off and go to sleep!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Exhaustion
I am sorry for not updating last night.
I am totally wiped out.
It was great. Everything B"H went well. My daughter's friends are sweet, her speech went well, the food was yummy and plentiful and everyone was happy.
I napped this morning after going to my daughter's school party (which included her class acting out the play she wrote) and again as soon as my husband came home from work, before I brought my son to his doctor's appointment and I will be heading to sleep soon IY"H.
It may take me a while to recover but it was worth it.
I am totally wiped out.
It was great. Everything B"H went well. My daughter's friends are sweet, her speech went well, the food was yummy and plentiful and everyone was happy.
I napped this morning after going to my daughter's school party (which included her class acting out the play she wrote) and again as soon as my husband came home from work, before I brought my son to his doctor's appointment and I will be heading to sleep soon IY"H.
It may take me a while to recover but it was worth it.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Pushing through!
I was exhausted, but determined to be productive today. I didn't accomplish as much as I would like, and a far far cry from yesterday, but some things B"H did happen.
I have two big tubs of cucumbers pickling and a couple pans of potato knishes baked.
I fell asleep tonight before the children. My husband was in charge and I have no idea what time they actually went to sleep. I would probably be sleeping now if the phone hadn't rung.
Since it did I will take it as a sign and make the potato mushroom knishes and formulate a plan for tomorrow's work. My husband is working but I am hopeful that the older children will be enthusiastic and ready to help.
We are starting our day with a trip to Kever Rochel. I should be home, and my daughter in school, by 10:30am if we get the bus I usually take back. I have a cake to make, egg salad, guacamole, and some vegetable salads.
My daughter's friend who can't have gluten, who had said earlier in the week that she wasn't coming, called today to say that she is coming, so I may attempt to make the cake gluten free. I prefer tried and true recipes, especially on Friday, but making sure there is desert for all is very important.
I would like everything to happen, but I am also holding onto the idea that everyone will be fed and happy, even if I don't accomplish all I wish I could. If in the end there is no cake there are plenty of cookies.
I have two big tubs of cucumbers pickling and a couple pans of potato knishes baked.
I fell asleep tonight before the children. My husband was in charge and I have no idea what time they actually went to sleep. I would probably be sleeping now if the phone hadn't rung.
Since it did I will take it as a sign and make the potato mushroom knishes and formulate a plan for tomorrow's work. My husband is working but I am hopeful that the older children will be enthusiastic and ready to help.
We are starting our day with a trip to Kever Rochel. I should be home, and my daughter in school, by 10:30am if we get the bus I usually take back. I have a cake to make, egg salad, guacamole, and some vegetable salads.
My daughter's friend who can't have gluten, who had said earlier in the week that she wasn't coming, called today to say that she is coming, so I may attempt to make the cake gluten free. I prefer tried and true recipes, especially on Friday, but making sure there is desert for all is very important.
I would like everything to happen, but I am also holding onto the idea that everyone will be fed and happy, even if I don't accomplish all I wish I could. If in the end there is no cake there are plenty of cookies.
Baking with fire
We had a very productive day today B"H.
I started my day by making chocolate and mint chocolate chip cookies. Sitting at the table to make the cookies, instead of standing at the counter, makes a lot of difference. From there I moved onto challah rolls and challah.
My helper washed dishes, helped me clean up the kitchen and folded laundry, all things that make me feel much much more in control of my life.
In the afternoon I was able to sit back a bit and let my oldest and her friends do the cookie shaping. I made the chocolate crinkle cookie dough and they got their hands messy rolling the balls of dough in powdered sugar. My little kids and their little friends wanted to join in, but chocolate crinkle cookie dough is incredibly messy, so I made them a half a recipe of chocolate chocolate chip cookie dough to have fun with instead.
I don't think I have ever halved a recipe before. I am a habitual recipe doubler. It was a good call since they were finished making their cookies before they were out of dough. At that point we had been baking cookies and rolls for most of the day and I was out of strength to do any more.
I may be exhausted, but it feels good to get things done. Since I had help with the dish washing, and some of the cookie shaping later in the day, I was able to get a lot done without as much physical stress on my body. It is incredibly wonderful to be able to fill the freezer and make special treats for my "little" girl's celebration.
Being able to do is such an incredible gift.
I started my day by making chocolate and mint chocolate chip cookies. Sitting at the table to make the cookies, instead of standing at the counter, makes a lot of difference. From there I moved onto challah rolls and challah.
My helper washed dishes, helped me clean up the kitchen and folded laundry, all things that make me feel much much more in control of my life.
In the afternoon I was able to sit back a bit and let my oldest and her friends do the cookie shaping. I made the chocolate crinkle cookie dough and they got their hands messy rolling the balls of dough in powdered sugar. My little kids and their little friends wanted to join in, but chocolate crinkle cookie dough is incredibly messy, so I made them a half a recipe of chocolate chocolate chip cookie dough to have fun with instead.
I don't think I have ever halved a recipe before. I am a habitual recipe doubler. It was a good call since they were finished making their cookies before they were out of dough. At that point we had been baking cookies and rolls for most of the day and I was out of strength to do any more.
I may be exhausted, but it feels good to get things done. Since I had help with the dish washing, and some of the cookie shaping later in the day, I was able to get a lot done without as much physical stress on my body. It is incredibly wonderful to be able to fill the freezer and make special treats for my "little" girl's celebration.
Being able to do is such an incredible gift.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
I am one of the last people who should be cloned
unless it was for medical research purposes... but I could use another me this week.
My oldest daughter is turning 12, becoming bas mitzvah, this Shabbos! I am determined to make it a special day. I am not trying to do anywhere near what I used to do, but I don't want my daughter to feel that that is the case. I want this to be her special day. I started baking today, hoping that if I do things slowly each day and let her take care of what ever she can it will work out without me crashing.
Yesterday we made a menue and my daughter went with a friend to buy paper goods. Today I made challah and chocolate chip cookie dough and my daughter went to the grocery store and bought some of the ingredients we need. Tomorrow my daughter is planning on having a friend over to help with the baking.
The party is going to be small. She is inviting her closest friends to the third Shabbos meal and we are serving her favorite foods, lots of desserts and she will be giving a speech. We are surprising her by inviting her cousin, who is the same age, for Shabbos and we bought her a surprise gift that I am sure she will appreciate.
Things I usually do for myself are being put by the wayside since my energy is being spent on this. It is okay, though there are certain things I am less happy to miss.
I am not going with my friend to our beading class. I wanted to and was going to try, despite everything, but in the end it is the one day I have help this week. I can't both spend the energy traveling and beading and give up the help in the kitchen and with the laundry.
So choices have been made. This week my goal is to make my daughter's celebration special. I want her to feel like a princess.
My oldest daughter is turning 12, becoming bas mitzvah, this Shabbos! I am determined to make it a special day. I am not trying to do anywhere near what I used to do, but I don't want my daughter to feel that that is the case. I want this to be her special day. I started baking today, hoping that if I do things slowly each day and let her take care of what ever she can it will work out without me crashing.
Yesterday we made a menue and my daughter went with a friend to buy paper goods. Today I made challah and chocolate chip cookie dough and my daughter went to the grocery store and bought some of the ingredients we need. Tomorrow my daughter is planning on having a friend over to help with the baking.
The party is going to be small. She is inviting her closest friends to the third Shabbos meal and we are serving her favorite foods, lots of desserts and she will be giving a speech. We are surprising her by inviting her cousin, who is the same age, for Shabbos and we bought her a surprise gift that I am sure she will appreciate.
Things I usually do for myself are being put by the wayside since my energy is being spent on this. It is okay, though there are certain things I am less happy to miss.
I am not going with my friend to our beading class. I wanted to and was going to try, despite everything, but in the end it is the one day I have help this week. I can't both spend the energy traveling and beading and give up the help in the kitchen and with the laundry.
So choices have been made. This week my goal is to make my daughter's celebration special. I want her to feel like a princess.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
That was awkward
I friend emailed me today offering me a part time job in the US. I didn't reply right away, so she called.
She asked me how I was and, I replied, "B"H okay, tired." and asked her about herself. I realize I don't give most people full information on how I am feeling, and they assume I am really okay because they have no reason to think otherwise.
So, after a year or saying that I was okay I had to admit to her that I am not physically up for taking a job now. She told me that it wasn't anything big and it was temporary and asked me to try, so I told her the truth, that it wasn't a good idea to even try it since I have a disability claim in and it won't help me to have a job on the records while I am saying (truthfully) that I am not up for working.
That was a very humbling conversation.
As much as I may admit to not feeling well here, I don't generally in real life, and even less so to my friends who are so far away. I hate for people to worry.
She asked me how I was and, I replied, "B"H okay, tired." and asked her about herself. I realize I don't give most people full information on how I am feeling, and they assume I am really okay because they have no reason to think otherwise.
So, after a year or saying that I was okay I had to admit to her that I am not physically up for taking a job now. She told me that it wasn't anything big and it was temporary and asked me to try, so I told her the truth, that it wasn't a good idea to even try it since I have a disability claim in and it won't help me to have a job on the records while I am saying (truthfully) that I am not up for working.
That was a very humbling conversation.
As much as I may admit to not feeling well here, I don't generally in real life, and even less so to my friends who are so far away. I hate for people to worry.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Denitist today, acupuncture tomorow, beading Wednesday
Maybe I should move to Jerusalem!
My calcium is down again so my acupuncture = better calcium levels theory will IY"H get some testing tomorrow!!! The numbness in my arm and shoulder is back and maybe even a bit more than it was previously. I hope to see that improve tomorrow as well.
Today I brought AC to the dentist. He has a mouth full of cavities that we have to figure out how to deal with. He is too young and sensitive to sit without anesthesia of some sort and can't be gassed. I hate the hospital that has a dental clinic and the ability to do IV sedation.
Being a mommy means tough choices which don't always have good answers.
My calcium is down again so my acupuncture = better calcium levels theory will IY"H get some testing tomorrow!!! The numbness in my arm and shoulder is back and maybe even a bit more than it was previously. I hope to see that improve tomorrow as well.
Today I brought AC to the dentist. He has a mouth full of cavities that we have to figure out how to deal with. He is too young and sensitive to sit without anesthesia of some sort and can't be gassed. I hate the hospital that has a dental clinic and the ability to do IV sedation.
Being a mommy means tough choices which don't always have good answers.
Rollercoaster
I don't feel very well today. I slept well, had a great day with the kids, enjoyed our company, but am tired or tingling hands, feet, face and electric shocks every time I move.
Friday I was feeling well so I went to Kever Rochel and then stopped and did some shopping on the way home. The kids needed clothing. B"H AC had grown out of most of his clothing and it couldn't wait any longer. The big girls needed shirts too as did I. It was a successful day but I am paying the price physically now.
This is no way to live. I called Igor to see if I could schedule an appointment for more acupuncture, but he didn't answer.
Tomorrow AC has a dentist appointment and I haven't even arranged a cab. I don't know how I am doing this. Traveling and taking care of everyone while I feel like this is not easy.
I need more good days.
Friday I was feeling well so I went to Kever Rochel and then stopped and did some shopping on the way home. The kids needed clothing. B"H AC had grown out of most of his clothing and it couldn't wait any longer. The big girls needed shirts too as did I. It was a successful day but I am paying the price physically now.
This is no way to live. I called Igor to see if I could schedule an appointment for more acupuncture, but he didn't answer.
Tomorrow AC has a dentist appointment and I haven't even arranged a cab. I don't know how I am doing this. Traveling and taking care of everyone while I feel like this is not easy.
I need more good days.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Very good
Labs today were the best they have been in a long time. My phosphorus is up where we don't like it but my calcium is up too, within the normal range even! The last time it was in the normal range was March 1oth!
Whether it is the acupuncture or it would have come up after the Pesach rush was over we may never know. I just know it is good. I still haven't gotten the courage up to call the acupuncturist to make an appointment, but I probably should.
Even if the calcium isn't related, the numbness is almost completely back. It seems one session wasn't enough to take care of it long term, but maybe it could work if I gave it more of a chance.
Whether it is the acupuncture or it would have come up after the Pesach rush was over we may never know. I just know it is good. I still haven't gotten the courage up to call the acupuncturist to make an appointment, but I probably should.
Even if the calcium isn't related, the numbness is almost completely back. It seems one session wasn't enough to take care of it long term, but maybe it could work if I gave it more of a chance.
Incredible
I had a long day, a busy day and a productive day. I had a meeting in the morning an appointment in Jerusalem in the evening and played mommy in between and I B"H feel pretty good. I am tired but not terribly numb or tingly. Oddly my lip is twitching (which is generally a later sign of low calcium) but my lips aren't tingling, just my hands a little bit.
I feel a lot better than I have in a while.
Either I am just not feeling it now, or things are better.
I vote for better!
Maybe the acupuncture did more than I realized. My shoulder numbness is mostly back, but not completely, and I feel a lot better.
I guess the blood tests will be the ones to decide tomorrow, but for now I will just revel in a day that I felt better than I have in a long time.
I feel a lot better than I have in a while.
Either I am just not feeling it now, or things are better.
I vote for better!
Maybe the acupuncture did more than I realized. My shoulder numbness is mostly back, but not completely, and I feel a lot better.
I guess the blood tests will be the ones to decide tomorrow, but for now I will just revel in a day that I felt better than I have in a long time.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Going blindly
My primary care doctor is a wonderful lady. She is a great doctor, a wonderful diagnostician and a very nice person. I didn't realize how much I trusted her until today.
Last week she gave me the name and number of a man who she was hoping could help. We are both frustrated and worried about my calcium issues and the fact that even IV isn't keeping my levels up. She seemed hopeful that he could help. She said that he had helped her over the phone in the past and to call him that evening.
So, feeling like I had nothing to lose except a bit of time, I called. He listed to my brief medical synopsis and said that he needed to see me in person. I was surprised, and not too thrilled. He set a time and gave me his address and I figured I would be calling back to cancel. When I saw my doctor the next day and she was excited that he had me coming in I was even more surprised. I hadn't realized that was her hope.
I was caught off guard and realized after I left my doctor that I still had no idea what this man does. I assumed he was a natural practitioner of some sort, but I had no clue what type, or even if that assumption was correct. I felt odd calling to ask the man what his specialty was and even odder calling and asking my doctor.
Today I went blindly, 45 minutes from home, to see someone knowing only an address, that his name was Igor and his cell phone number.
Only when I got there and read his business card did I learn that he was a Chinese medicine practitioner who specializes in Chinese herbs and acupuncture. I am not thrilled with herbs, their potential toxins and even less thrilled with needles, but I was there and my doctor really though he might help so I stayed.
He took a history, poked me with lots and lots of needles (which get put in an left!) which hurt a lot, massaged in a way which I couldn't only call painful, and then he cracked my back, told me I don't drink enough and warned me about talking on the phone causing cancer.
It was torture.
But I left there with more feeling in my right shoulder and arm. Amazing. I had feeling in places that my surgeon said I wouldn't, and I hadn't for over a year. This was something I never would have done if I had known what I was getting myself into and now I am contemplating going back.
Pain with gain.
I may have walked blindly into something that could help. I certainly never would have done this with my eyes open.
Last week she gave me the name and number of a man who she was hoping could help. We are both frustrated and worried about my calcium issues and the fact that even IV isn't keeping my levels up. She seemed hopeful that he could help. She said that he had helped her over the phone in the past and to call him that evening.
So, feeling like I had nothing to lose except a bit of time, I called. He listed to my brief medical synopsis and said that he needed to see me in person. I was surprised, and not too thrilled. He set a time and gave me his address and I figured I would be calling back to cancel. When I saw my doctor the next day and she was excited that he had me coming in I was even more surprised. I hadn't realized that was her hope.
I was caught off guard and realized after I left my doctor that I still had no idea what this man does. I assumed he was a natural practitioner of some sort, but I had no clue what type, or even if that assumption was correct. I felt odd calling to ask the man what his specialty was and even odder calling and asking my doctor.
Today I went blindly, 45 minutes from home, to see someone knowing only an address, that his name was Igor and his cell phone number.
Only when I got there and read his business card did I learn that he was a Chinese medicine practitioner who specializes in Chinese herbs and acupuncture. I am not thrilled with herbs, their potential toxins and even less thrilled with needles, but I was there and my doctor really though he might help so I stayed.
He took a history, poked me with lots and lots of needles (which get put in an left!) which hurt a lot, massaged in a way which I couldn't only call painful, and then he cracked my back, told me I don't drink enough and warned me about talking on the phone causing cancer.
It was torture.
But I left there with more feeling in my right shoulder and arm. Amazing. I had feeling in places that my surgeon said I wouldn't, and I hadn't for over a year. This was something I never would have done if I had known what I was getting myself into and now I am contemplating going back.
Pain with gain.
I may have walked blindly into something that could help. I certainly never would have done this with my eyes open.
Sometimes I wonder about my sanity.
Yesterday and today my kids were asking to have friends over and I kept saying "no" because the house was too dirty.
It has been almost three weeks since we had cleaning help, and though we have managed to damp mop and sweep the floor it had reached critical color change. I was embarrassed. I was disgusted. I wasn't letting anyone in.
The cleaning lady is coming tomorrow but the floor couldn't wait.
Sweeping is a lot of work so I pulled out the vacuum and used it, then finished up by bleaching the floors. The floors look a lot better. I feel a lot worse. The kids are much happier.
We were inundated with the children's friends. Within half an hour of me giving the okay there were three times the number of children in the house had tripled and there was many times more than that in noise. It felt good.
If it weren't for the fact that the cleaning lady is coming in the morning it would have been a great idea.
Balance is hard. Pride is hard. Saying "no" because I am not feeling well feels worse than saying "yes" and making myself feel worse.
If they hadn't picked up their toys from the floor (under threat of my vacuuming them up), cleared the books off the couch, and cooperated fully, I wouldn't have said "yes" and the floor would have waited. But they were ready to pitch in. They wanted so badly to have friend here. They are willing to help to keep life normal. They have learned that that I need the help and I am not ready to teach them that even with their help, it is still too much for me.
It has been almost three weeks since we had cleaning help, and though we have managed to damp mop and sweep the floor it had reached critical color change. I was embarrassed. I was disgusted. I wasn't letting anyone in.
The cleaning lady is coming tomorrow but the floor couldn't wait.
Sweeping is a lot of work so I pulled out the vacuum and used it, then finished up by bleaching the floors. The floors look a lot better. I feel a lot worse. The kids are much happier.
We were inundated with the children's friends. Within half an hour of me giving the okay there were three times the number of children in the house had tripled and there was many times more than that in noise. It felt good.
If it weren't for the fact that the cleaning lady is coming in the morning it would have been a great idea.
Balance is hard. Pride is hard. Saying "no" because I am not feeling well feels worse than saying "yes" and making myself feel worse.
If they hadn't picked up their toys from the floor (under threat of my vacuuming them up), cleared the books off the couch, and cooperated fully, I wouldn't have said "yes" and the floor would have waited. But they were ready to pitch in. They wanted so badly to have friend here. They are willing to help to keep life normal. They have learned that that I need the help and I am not ready to teach them that even with their help, it is still too much for me.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Refilling the pantry
Almost a week after Pesach, the time had come. I enlisted my husband and we went shopping.
Noodles, matzah meal, rice, beans, corn, peanut butter, flour, we restocked. Sunday morning was perfect. The store was empty, the lines were short and the process was painless.
Until the groceries were delivered 10 hours later.
And my husband was at work.
And their presence taunted me.
They dared me to bring them inside and put things in order.
As much as I shouldn't, in the end I dragged them in of course. But they did remain there, on the floor, waiting.
One day my house will be back in order. Cleaned, organized and no so overwhelming. Until then, the groceries and toys will have to wait. I need to feel better.
Noodles, matzah meal, rice, beans, corn, peanut butter, flour, we restocked. Sunday morning was perfect. The store was empty, the lines were short and the process was painless.
Until the groceries were delivered 10 hours later.
And my husband was at work.
And their presence taunted me.
They dared me to bring them inside and put things in order.
As much as I shouldn't, in the end I dragged them in of course. But they did remain there, on the floor, waiting.
One day my house will be back in order. Cleaned, organized and no so overwhelming. Until then, the groceries and toys will have to wait. I need to feel better.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Just one candle
Friday evening we light oil candles to usher in Shabbos, after which we don't deal with fire or electricity until Shabbos is over.
Between myself and the girls we light 11 flames in total. This week one was making trouble. It didn't light so my husband put in a new wick, which sank into the oil as well. It happens on occasion. By the meal we all looked at the candles and discussed that one.
Hours later, after the rest of the flames were out and the kids were asleep there was one candle burning brightly, the candle which had been out.
Between myself and the girls we light 11 flames in total. This week one was making trouble. It didn't light so my husband put in a new wick, which sank into the oil as well. It happens on occasion. By the meal we all looked at the candles and discussed that one.
Hours later, after the rest of the flames were out and the kids were asleep there was one candle burning brightly, the candle which had been out.
Friday, April 9, 2010
The great challah rescue
Today I was determined to make challah. I have a machine that does the mixing so it is physically possible. The cleanup is the challenge and the bowl may sit in the sink until someone comes to wash dishes, but there is nothing like fresh challah on a Friday night.
The dough kneeded easily, rose nicely, shaped beautifully and was waiting for the oven.
I took the potato kuggle and sweet potatoes out of the oven without a hitch but proceeded to spill the gravy from the chicken into my oven and onto my oven door. I wiped it up and called the rav (rabbi) to ask what to do. According to halacha (Jewish law) bread needs to be pareve (neither meat nor dairy), there were 75 minutes until Shabbos and the oven was no longer pereve.
The rav didn't have a good answer for me. He thought that cleaning it with oven cleaner and baking the challah covered was an answer, but he obviously had never tried baking bread covered! I gave up on my oven and called a neighbor... I love my neighbor.
Her challah had just come out and she was more than happy to have my husband and daughter bring my challah over to bake. Considering the mad rush most of us have, finishing our cooking at the last minute, an empty oven (preheated none the less!) an hour before Shabbos is no minor miracle.
We are so well taken care of! Sometimes things have to go wrong just so we can see how right things really are.
The dough kneeded easily, rose nicely, shaped beautifully and was waiting for the oven.
I took the potato kuggle and sweet potatoes out of the oven without a hitch but proceeded to spill the gravy from the chicken into my oven and onto my oven door. I wiped it up and called the rav (rabbi) to ask what to do. According to halacha (Jewish law) bread needs to be pareve (neither meat nor dairy), there were 75 minutes until Shabbos and the oven was no longer pereve.
The rav didn't have a good answer for me. He thought that cleaning it with oven cleaner and baking the challah covered was an answer, but he obviously had never tried baking bread covered! I gave up on my oven and called a neighbor... I love my neighbor.
Her challah had just come out and she was more than happy to have my husband and daughter bring my challah over to bake. Considering the mad rush most of us have, finishing our cooking at the last minute, an empty oven (preheated none the less!) an hour before Shabbos is no minor miracle.
We are so well taken care of! Sometimes things have to go wrong just so we can see how right things really are.
The day of the amazing new hot water heater
It seems that there is a reason that our hot water heater came with an eight year warranty. It had an eight year and three month life span!
The hot water heater is in the attic. The attic is the playroom. Leaking hot water heater plus books, toys, dolls, and dress up clothing is the kind of thing nightmares are made of.
I squeegied around the toys and used rags to mop up what I could. I am so grateful it wasn't worse. Most of the books were B"H on the shelves.
Cheers to a hot water heater in tip top shape, ready to heat water faster and hold it hot longer!! I am sure we will be appreciating the hot water heater thoroughly once we are done dealing with the mess. The old hot water heater was taking 1.5-2hours to heat water and this one is promised to heat enough hot water for a shower in 40 minutes on a cold day.
There are bright sides to most disasters.
The hot water heater is in the attic. The attic is the playroom. Leaking hot water heater plus books, toys, dolls, and dress up clothing is the kind of thing nightmares are made of.
I squeegied around the toys and used rags to mop up what I could. I am so grateful it wasn't worse. Most of the books were B"H on the shelves.
Cheers to a hot water heater in tip top shape, ready to heat water faster and hold it hot longer!! I am sure we will be appreciating the hot water heater thoroughly once we are done dealing with the mess. The old hot water heater was taking 1.5-2hours to heat water and this one is promised to heat enough hot water for a shower in 40 minutes on a cold day.
There are bright sides to most disasters.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Back to routine
Today was my children's first day back to school. They all went happily and I rested. I skipped my blood tests and let my husband make lunch. It was a good day even if I don't feel better. I saw my doctor in the afternoon and she called my endo. They aren't excited to continue the IV calcium, especially since it is only providing symptomatic relief and not fixing the problem. We will be watching levels closely and adjusting medications a bit more.
I am praying that taking it easy will do the trick.
Here is to hoping for boring, peaceful and restful until my calcium is up with just meds and I am feeling better again!!
I am praying that taking it easy will do the trick.
Here is to hoping for boring, peaceful and restful until my calcium is up with just meds and I am feeling better again!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Ketchup and french fries?
Today was a convenience food day after a week of meals cooked from scratch. We had frozen french fries, ketchup from a bottle, and leftover hamburgers for lunch.
Today we switched the kitchen back to regular year round mode. All of the Pesach dishes, counters, and tablecloths are away. Today was the children's last day of vacation. The last day of sleeping late, not worrying about catching a ride, or homework.
Today we hung out, put away laundry, cuddled, and enjoyed each others company.
It was a busy day, but a great day, even though we are all sad to have Pesach behind us.
Not feeling well I had to move much slower than usual. I had to wait for the dishes to drip themselves dry instead of frantically drying and rushing everything back into its cupboards. I had time to sit with the kids, eat one last piece of Pesach cake and relax in between attempts at getting things washed and nestled into place. The pace was slower than usual, and no one suffered from it at all.
The dishes even fit into the cabinets better than they usually do. There was room to spare even though there was more to put away than previous years. Slowly, carefully, without any rush, things fell into place. Being fast used to seem ideal. From this perspective I am beginning to wonder if hurrying was the problem all along.
Today we switched the kitchen back to regular year round mode. All of the Pesach dishes, counters, and tablecloths are away. Today was the children's last day of vacation. The last day of sleeping late, not worrying about catching a ride, or homework.
Today we hung out, put away laundry, cuddled, and enjoyed each others company.
It was a busy day, but a great day, even though we are all sad to have Pesach behind us.
Not feeling well I had to move much slower than usual. I had to wait for the dishes to drip themselves dry instead of frantically drying and rushing everything back into its cupboards. I had time to sit with the kids, eat one last piece of Pesach cake and relax in between attempts at getting things washed and nestled into place. The pace was slower than usual, and no one suffered from it at all.
The dishes even fit into the cabinets better than they usually do. There was room to spare even though there was more to put away than previous years. Slowly, carefully, without any rush, things fell into place. Being fast used to seem ideal. From this perspective I am beginning to wonder if hurrying was the problem all along.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Ahhhh now back to work
I B"H got my IV. It did wonders for the numbness and relieved most of my headache. What is left of the headache is most likely from exhaustion from not sleeping, since my head hurt too much to sleep, so I expect that to be gone soon!
We only have one last holiday day left and then we have to turn the kitchen back over. We did a great job with buying what we needed and not too much extra. With what was peeled for me to cook now we finished all 25 kilo of potatoes, 10 kilo of carrots and onions, the case and a half of apples, the case of oranges and most of the rest of the produce. We may have a bit of extra matza since our guests brought their own when they came, but that won't spoil before it is finished.
I have to buckle down and get to cooking now. My goal is to have plenty of good food, without doing too much, so I can remain feeling well. The vegetables are peeled so it should be possible to cook quickly and easily as long as I don't make anything fancy.
Pesach sameach!!
We only have one last holiday day left and then we have to turn the kitchen back over. We did a great job with buying what we needed and not too much extra. With what was peeled for me to cook now we finished all 25 kilo of potatoes, 10 kilo of carrots and onions, the case and a half of apples, the case of oranges and most of the rest of the produce. We may have a bit of extra matza since our guests brought their own when they came, but that won't spoil before it is finished.
I have to buckle down and get to cooking now. My goal is to have plenty of good food, without doing too much, so I can remain feeling well. The vegetables are peeled so it should be possible to cook quickly and easily as long as I don't make anything fancy.
Pesach sameach!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
My kids are great, my company was wonderful
and I feel awful.
I want to post something nice and cheery, how Shabbos was wonderful, the food was great and all is well. My head hurts and I am numb from head to toe, though the rest is true. B"H I had great, helpful company, a nice relaxing Shabbos (outside of AC's feeding pump deciding it needed to beep all night long) and even had help getting the Shabbos dishes washed and vegetables peeled for the last day of Pesach.
Miraculously, my doctor seems to be working tomorrow morning and I have an appointment. Since the peeling is done and my husband was given the day off I should be able to spare a couple hours on a tune up and still have the holiday cooking for tomorrow evening done on time and no worries about who is going to watch the kids.
I am sure that after an IV I will be much more able to post the cheery happy post I wanted to post tonight! I just hope that my doctor is able to do it, since there are no blood tests being done and she will just have to go on symptoms.
I hate feeling lousy.
I want to post something nice and cheery, how Shabbos was wonderful, the food was great and all is well. My head hurts and I am numb from head to toe, though the rest is true. B"H I had great, helpful company, a nice relaxing Shabbos (outside of AC's feeding pump deciding it needed to beep all night long) and even had help getting the Shabbos dishes washed and vegetables peeled for the last day of Pesach.
Miraculously, my doctor seems to be working tomorrow morning and I have an appointment. Since the peeling is done and my husband was given the day off I should be able to spare a couple hours on a tune up and still have the holiday cooking for tomorrow evening done on time and no worries about who is going to watch the kids.
I am sure that after an IV I will be much more able to post the cheery happy post I wanted to post tonight! I just hope that my doctor is able to do it, since there are no blood tests being done and she will just have to go on symptoms.
I hate feeling lousy.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Cooking
I am not feeling great, but we will be eating well!
So far we have:
chocolate ice cream cooked and cooling so we can freeze it
lemon sponge cake with lemon sauce
chocolate macaroons
chocolate meringues
sweet and sour chicken
potato kuggel
mashed potatoes
roast with vegis
green salad
guacamole
all home made. My husband has been peeling while I cook or none of this could have happened.
I am off to cook some more and freeze the ice cream!!
So far we have:
chocolate ice cream cooked and cooling so we can freeze it
lemon sponge cake with lemon sauce
chocolate macaroons
chocolate meringues
sweet and sour chicken
potato kuggel
mashed potatoes
roast with vegis
green salad
guacamole
all home made. My husband has been peeling while I cook or none of this could have happened.
I am off to cook some more and freeze the ice cream!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Great timing!!
We had a nice low key day today, but I am paying the price of our trip to the park yesterday.
My hands and feet are very numb, I have been having muscle spasms all day and there are no lab tests being run until next Tuesday.
The choices are: hospital for labs and IV, beg local doctor to do IV without lab tests (and my doctor isn't working) or stay home and pray.
I am not impressed with the doctor on call and hate hospitals, so I picked the last choice for today.
My husband took the kids to a petting zoo today and they had a blast. I did a bit of cooking and some relaxing while they were gone, made some phone calls, did some cooking and sent a written authorization to my bank to return the mistaken wire transfer. Easy come, slightly less easy go! I expect it will be gone by tomorrow.
Tomorrow my husband is working. I may send the kids on a trip to see him. Either I will be feeling a bit better and will get some cooking and cleaning done while they are out or I won't, but at least there won't be more mess and they will be happy.
I wonder if I can convince them all to shower, set the table and peel some vegetables in exchange for the fun of the trip. It is worth a try!! Creative parenting when I don't have energy has become a necessity. I get them to do what I need done done and they think that they won as well. Win win.
My hands and feet are very numb, I have been having muscle spasms all day and there are no lab tests being run until next Tuesday.
The choices are: hospital for labs and IV, beg local doctor to do IV without lab tests (and my doctor isn't working) or stay home and pray.
I am not impressed with the doctor on call and hate hospitals, so I picked the last choice for today.
My husband took the kids to a petting zoo today and they had a blast. I did a bit of cooking and some relaxing while they were gone, made some phone calls, did some cooking and sent a written authorization to my bank to return the mistaken wire transfer. Easy come, slightly less easy go! I expect it will be gone by tomorrow.
Tomorrow my husband is working. I may send the kids on a trip to see him. Either I will be feeling a bit better and will get some cooking and cleaning done while they are out or I won't, but at least there won't be more mess and they will be happy.
I wonder if I can convince them all to shower, set the table and peel some vegetables in exchange for the fun of the trip. It is worth a try!! Creative parenting when I don't have energy has become a necessity. I get them to do what I need done done and they think that they won as well. Win win.
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