A Page From The Diary That Should Have Been Left To Burn.

Yeah. This one's out of desperation. Frustration. And the necessity to get it off my chest.
Our List of Songs. The one's we start. And never finish. The one's that have us hooked for a couple of weeks and then fade out of our memories. Literally. Ishan forgets the riffs. I forget the beats, the timing, the everything there is to it. The songs for which Diva can never seem to come up with a vocal line for. The one's where the lyrics don't fit the music.
The one's that give us all the hope in the world. That we're the fucking best. The awesomest, but lost in the crowd of the awesome. Unable to shine. Unable to bring what's inside to surface, ever.
And then there's the never ending search for the man. The man, the hero, who will save us. Who will takes us to where we belong. Where we were destined to go. We found a few. Nobody fit in.
But then, we don't really need him. We're good to go on our own. The three of us. We can find our way. Can we ?
The songs we come up with when we're down and frustrated, the one's that knock us out. The one's that have a structure but no beauty. Rugged at the edges, polishing to be done.
Its only when the dammed amplifiers don't work. Or the bass pedal gets stuck in my jeans and the screws refuse to hold it up anymore, that they sound so dead and out of tune.
And if only for Diva's girls, Ishan's dreams, my selfish intentions. If only to give my sister a present, my folks a reason to say my name proudly. If only to see those lips curve into a smile. If only to see all those faces in the crowd, the ones I recognize screaming my name with love, and those I don't recognize screaming, pleading me to fall in love with them [Wait. That isn't going to happen, I'm the drummer, I'll be lost, invisible behind the kit :P]
If only to reach out, make yourself heard. If only to do something. Anything, to make a difference.
How can I not fall in love with such a dream ?
Put us on a stage, or stand around listening to us jam randomly, I promise we'll get you moving.
My best memory of doing that was when Ishan and me were jamming one evening,
and we had these MBA guys come up to the jam room and dance to what we would like to think of as a typical Rock song. And to have Swati jumping up and down and going crazy all over the place. I really can't describe the feeling.
No, we haven't stopped. We've had a few people help us along the way. And although,
We are unsure of the future, unsure of who's in and who's not, unsure of our identity, we go on.
And we're going to hit the scene soon. Cuz this is something we've always wanted.
Its coming. You wait.

- Diwakar (Diva), Ishan, Akshan.
[ Proud Owners/Composers of the following unfinished, incomplete songs :
* The Doom Song
* The Tap Song
* The Orgasmic Song
* The Mosh Song
* The Wah Wah Song
* The Song Which Makes Us All Go Nuts ( Ishan and Diva don't know about this one yet. Wait. Diva doesn't know shit about anything) ]

The Illusionist And His Beer.

There's a half-empty beer bottle lying in front me right now. Standing actually, and the intermediately intoxicating liquid inside is stagnant. A pack of cigarettes on the table, lay open. My room-mate smoking his fourth of the night. They say that it calms them down. Brings them a sense of being. And the alcohol freezes time. Teleports you into another dimension.
To tell you the truth, I've never been there. On the dark side. Is it scary ?

Some say, it reduces you to half the human you were. It is just mere trickery. A creation of the mind. Everything, from the whacked out stunt show to the emotional outbursts, its all up there. It is what you want to believe. Or lead yourself to believe. That is what I believe. And I stay sober all the time. Actually, I should say alcohol free. Not sober.

No, This is not a "Don't Do Drugs" or "Stay Away From Alcohol" advertisement. Although, it'd be really cool if you could. This is more to do with the me, you fail to see. The one your senses and your brain combined, fail to comprehend. The Illusion that I procure so effortlessly and mercilessly, that you are forced to believe that it is real. I have mastered the art of deception. Subterfuge at its pinnacle. It does not get any more fake than this. Than me.

I have been granted a power. Although, I do not know how to control it or how it works, it works. I am always able to give a person the impression of me that I want him or her to have. Like I have the power to control what that person thinks of me. The innocence that radiates off my face, the mask of madness that I sometimes wear, the aura of brilliance, the cunning but captivating expression, the non swearing gentleman at home and in the company of elders, the young teen influenced by Eminem with a mind full of adjectives, all that, is me. No one person sees two of them. You get lucky when you do.

Gemini is my zodiac sign. Dual personalities. I have more than just a 'dual'. But there's nothing special about it. The speciality lies in the ability to switch. Sometimes, I lose count of them myself. Sometimes, I amaze myself. It is really amazing how I've been living behind a mask for so long, sometimes more than one, all to protect and hide my true identity, that now I've forgotten who I really am. And even when that person stares right back at me, I fail to recognize him. I look away. This is what I tell everybody.

Truth is, I do not want to believe that that person looking right through me, is me. I am scared to put myself out there. I know I have not lost any of it. I have not lost myself. Although I pretend that parts of me have been replaced by new ones that I do not recognize. Its all false. I just want somebody to identify me.

And this is not just my story. I am not the only Illusionist. All of you are.

Eclipse The Mind

As the moon reaches its peak, and the heavens open up
As the world goes to sleep, the mind of an artist is woken up
Born in the era of apocolypse, I've been sent her for saving y'all
Disciples of Evil, listen, Im the machette thats beheading y'all

You seal my lips and extinguish the fire
Cage a creative mind, A heart in barbed wire
Curb my freedom of speech cuz you cant face it
Cuz you know if I let out the venom,
You'd be dead before you could taste it
You cant take them, young and wasted
Living an overdoze of life but you cant trace it
Cuz you too blind to see the artist
Too fucked up to understand what the
*Heart Is*

So you try to eclipse the mind
See, I cant even find a line that fits this rhyme

You cant stand us cuz we paint reality

Revoke the truth that you try to bury down
So hurry now, book your tickets cuz its time for you worry now
You've been trying to control my thoughts,
Feel like they're binded in chains
Try to shut us up and call it a fucking social constraint
You want me to memorize and vomit everything you teach
Doesnt my voice peirce through everytime I screech?
I'm an artist, not a computer generated program
I'm coming straight at you, to wipe you out like a
*SOB seeking AMRAAM*

I dont need your words of wisdom
I know what its all about
I'd rather roll a joint now
write a verse and stay knocked out
Im the lunatic who dosnt need fibre optics
to pop your eye balls out their sockets
and I got your adam's apple in my pocket
Im takin it for dinner, and then throw the remains
into outer space in a waste paper rocket
Fuck all of that
Im no poet, jus see the grey beyond the black and the white
I'll put it on paper n give you a brain haemorrage tonight !

When The Mind Turns Evil

Its funny how I disintegrate lives when I spit
My words have more firepower than the US naval warships
Half the politicians in the world would've made it their prime objective
To slice my tongue before I can spit the next adjective
Well, not yet, but they will definitely, if my shit went on air
I'll prolly soon be needing more protection than Bush or Tony Blair
All cuz I show the similarities between the senate and the devil's lair
And Im not one of the commons just cuz I dont sit and stare
At all the atrocity and tragedy that they conjure ?
Im as common as that beggar down the curb
Only I dont see the world in a blur, and each word
That leaves my mouth is destined to create a spur
So eff what you heard, Our president ? Never heard'a her
Except when I was flipping through police files, she was there, accused murderer
All of them are children of the devil, born off various circumstances
Waging a war to take down heaven, I wouldnt be betting agains their chances
Especially with God oversleeping like he's had a crazy hangover
Its time to witness fallen angels. Bang, Bang. Over.
All I give a shit now is about ending their evil stricken life
So I step into their shoes, and start with the kids and the wife
I guide a Nuclear Rocket right to their homes
Attach my business card to it, so they dont have to pay Sherlock Holmes
To help em find who their worst nightmare is
Sorry Meher, Im taking your title,
So that they dont say I dont know what 'fight-fair" is
I'ma only kill two of your kids to show you what the impact is
When you cause mass genocide which in fact is
Only a product of your greedy mind, so crack this
I'd believe you to hatch a plot to destroy the earth with your guerilla tactics
You're a perfect example of what the human mind inclined towards evil can do
Save your soul cuz Im coming out to kill anybody who even vaguely resembles you.

Boys Are The Most Fun Girls Can Have With Or Without Their Clothes On

(Owe this idea and the first and last stanzas to Harsh :D)


Am i the one you want in bed
A reason to undress
Kiss, smile, caress
Foreplay at its best.
Throw away my cigarettes and throw away your pills
Burn away my stash on the alcohol you spilled.
Nude is the only fashion
Your skin is your dress.
Boys act like Boys
Girls act like mannequins mislead.
This is your only crime
And the pleasure's worth the risk.
You taste sweet and smell, used like incense.
Theres something i have to say,
to kill the suspense
"Boys Are The Most Fun Girls Can Have in Every Single Sense"

Your lipstick smears on my throwback
From the back of your neck, to the bottom of your low back
And i aint jus talkin sex, all your precious objects
So much to take, so much to gain
Practically in my face all the time, all the guilt slain
You love it in my arms , defying all norms
It makes you feel secure, and when i flex your...
Its too much to endure..
Off come your clothes, off come mine too
We flow perfectly, the way my rhymes do
Placing your fingers in my palms,
As the moonlight lingers in the storm
You taste venom off my poison tongue
You know we've passed the point of no return
Relishing every minute with a smile to go with it
You know your taken
Guilt..Shame..Fear...All deliberately forsaken

I'll have the candles lit, a purplish-yellow flame,
flickering, to the violins playina a symphony
The night beckons us, So would you dance with me ?
Let our feet manifest a pattern, like a constellation
It'll all become clear, no second thoughts, no hesitation
Melt in my arms tonight, just like the candles
And beneath the starlight, we could lay entangled
till dawn breaks, for the night is ours
Shed all these meaningless inhibitions
Im not perfect, Neither are you
We'll be perfect only when Im with you
So extinguish the candles, let it be perfectly dark again
Let it just be you, me and our everlasting journey of sin

I have oceans for arms,
Can't you feel them drag you, gently,
gently, into the sea,
Don't just want to plunge your head under the water, as the undertow grabs a hold of everything,
You submit yourself to this perfect plan
So, let's float face down,
(for a minute)
and feel the warmth of the
sun, beating on our backs.
and your fingers become lost in a sea
a sea of sand, you try to hold on,
but it all keeps slipping between your fingers.
Nothing is so enticing as this.
Kills your senses-
eyes open; this, all becomes surreal,
your feet are sinking, you're drowning,
You are surely drowning.
In this sea.
This sea we call pleasure
All you want to do is just bask,
on a secluded beach;
Yes, obviously next to me.

Addiction. Didn't they tell you that it's a killer ?

Enamoured by her perfect structure
Dazzled by her anatomy
Mesmerized by her slender, graceful ways
Enticed by her carnal self
Scorched by her firey touch
I tasted enough alcohol off her lips
to last me a lifetime
Swallowed so much poison off her tongue
it tastes, feels like elixir now
The elixir of Life.


She is my medication
The drug, that holds me in temperorary bliss
An aura, presence, you couldnt miss
I can feel her on the tip of my fingers
I feel her slip away, through the gaps
Like sand, only the pain is more.


And she could kill. The Bitch
For her ways are no less than that of a murderer
Her lips are like venomous arrows
dipped in sweet poison
Her words are no less than bullets
with my name written all over them


Her eyes, remind me of the dying phoenix
So bright, So fierce.
I swear they can see through me.
Sometimes, literally.
Seemingly infuriating.
Sometimes, making me feel naked.
Helpless. Hopeless.
Intimidating, instigating.
Provoking, bringing me closer
To my end.
Like they say,
Addiction is a killer.
Even if it is addiction,
to a personification of pure perfection

Dope Town

Now, dont get me twisted
as u read thru these verses that i've scripted
what lies is the truth encrypted
slammin u right in the face double-fisted
read carefully, make sure u havnt missed it
the word of the Lyrical Prophet metaphorically listed
lethal, contagious and ballistic
these lines shud make it clear why i shifted
from guitars n drums to pens to express pissed shit
beef with you fucks? here, i'v picked it
my rap ass way too dirty for you ? here, you cuda licked it
fantasize spittin venom when i spit sick shit
label me as a misfit, make a poster n stick it
hate my guts cuz my punchlines are wicked
none of u jealous fucks have the talent with which i've been gifted
none o u assholes can reach the level to which i've been lifted
you be where are you are only cuz u read my rhyme n nicked it
im about to unleash the wrath of the poison pen, nukka dont risk it
my syllables so sharp, they'll hold ur wrist vertically n slit it
similies all over , no smiles what-so-ever, thats strange
aint it ? longin for change, im tryna show off my range

This is me, Im jus showin you around
What goes on inside of me, how I get down
Bringin it all out, cuz my time is now
Welcome, This is DopeTown

Been on the recievin end since the day I was born
Gave my moma lota pain, the way I was born
Always done too much o right, to say I was wrong
Even as an embryo, you cudnt really say I was strong
Pre-mature by two months, they thought I'd perish as fast as I'd come
When the ICU blew up, they knew the only burn I'd get wasnt a side burn
So saved by a whisker, I took re-birth on day one
A violent baby, first thing I'd learnt after teething was to say gun
But feared the supernatural, slept holdin on to my moma's hair
Indifferent to life nevertheless, it was always a game and I, a reckless player
Survived a series of close shaves, switch blades, this is the 7th birth that Im livin
God's shown enough mercy on me, too many times forgiven
Know why ? Here's a lil secret, I was born off Mars and Venus
So that makes me non other than the brother of Jesus


Please, im givin out no more empty apologies,
i no more acknowledge these,
I was born to play this rap game
rhymes aint in my mind, they flow in my veins
lines left behind, a lyricist set out to conquer his pain
tagged with a fake casanova image that im tryna shed off
but it jus backfires, stranglin me, knockin my head off
but crucified by guilt, i'll leave all that for tommorow
my words'll never make u smile, they'r morbid, penned to spread sorrow
a heart of stone, can never love, meant to stay hollow
and i rhyme cuz Harsh dont gime no lines of coke to borrow
and i should consider dying, cuz B of the L said so
switchin to real life shit, i think i've found my alter-ego,
to help me understand my cold-ways
now all im lookin for is, my soul-mate
a fresh start, im tryna wipe out the whole slate
tryna win back my sold fate, extinguish the old hate
lead a life full of mistakes, im tyna correct me
in quest of happiness, gime your love, resurrect me

Crazy Life

Back when I was a kid, I was the best there was
aced everything I did, never kicked or cussed
Straight A's in every subject were a must
And that's what my report cards'd read
Year after year, I was the teacher's favourite indeed
Nicest kid in school,
perfect environment for the perfect life that I was to lead
The perfect plant that'd grown outa the seed
that my folks'd sown, made sure I was never alone
treated like a prince at home, heir to the throne
But then I grew, and things gota lil bit crazy
Got into shit on a daily basis
I spent hours doing nothing, but getting into trouble
Working extremely hard to turn everything good I'd ever done into rubble
I broke free , burst the bubble, of protection that you'd created
It almost became a habit for me to be labeled and to be hated
Then I took to the rap game, and then it was never the same
I looked at the world, and all I saw was misery and pain


So I penned what I felt and it scared you to death
Cuz you read thoughts that made you wish you were inhaling your last breath
And all this, I could never tell you cuz I knew you'd break down
But I guess I've crossed the point, this shit is easier for me to take now
I look at all my friends now, and I see how much they've changed
The way they live, but their heart's still the same
You put that against me, for the people that I roll with
Your words pierce me like a machine used to drill a hole with
I look at your face and then I see the dissappointment
Guess I grew too fast, so I missed the point and
But you still bailed me outa shit everytime I got into it
Looking into your eyes now, is the hardest thing for me to do
My lifestyle's changed, Im no more the lil guy, and its not easy to fool you
I'll prolly be hanging around the bar watching my pals drink
And smoke up so much, its hard for them to blink
Try looking in my room at two in the night
You'll never find me there, I'll be out on the streets livin the crazy life


Driving on the streets, while they gulp down six shots neat
And you know what follows after that, we tryna beat the heat
The sirens only mean more fun and more speed
The cops come and the cops go, hell if anyone cared
Fuck that, nobody's even so much as scared
And you wont find no chocolates or change in anyone's pockets
its just bundles of cash, condoms and a hell lota hash
all about who got the slickest kicks, and who's screwin who's ass
4:30 AM, dammit, time to head to a place we call home
Half of em wasted like fuck, the other half stoned
cant make it home in one piece, fall prey to a hit and go
Somehow manage the 5-O, and sneak back in through the window
And this is how my night's go, Either all this or Im sittin online
Killing time till my eyes go red and got bags like Einstien
only miss the brains, and thats why you think Im on crack
All this is lota fun, and probably worth the risk
But you never know when the light fades away
and your life goes pitch black.

Rude Awakening.

So its been a while since I've opened my mouth, do what I do
about shit that's going around you and you clearly dont have a clue
Everybody's so involved with the Hillary-Obama debate
Spitzer almost got away with selling whores and he's Governer of State
Now you know what goes on in their minds when they put forward their vision
"For the development of the Country", ha! He could give Hefner competetion
And the government would downplay it all cuz they're all part of the scheme
Common people made a fool of, busy living their American Dream
Lost in the hypocrisy, a crisis when it comes to who you gota believe
When its a maze your placed in, a circle of delusion is what they weave
Oh and our soldier was just released by Pakistan after 37 years
What for ? They could've executed him, would've spared his family, tears
He was taken prisoner in the '71 war
We managed to overpower them then but these are the scars
That burn so deep you wish you were never part of such a legacy/
Who would put their life on the line for their country
When all their countrymen are too busy contemplating jealousy
And hatching plots to gain power and position
Now Im spitting this shit so you must listen
All this concerns each one of us, so I tell it
Politics ? I bet Mayawati wouldnt be able to spell it
So how's she gona make policies and formulate laws for us to follow ?
Take a second to contemplate what she's been upto and you'll see she's hollow
In the head, as well as the heart, the kind you dont want running your nation
But really, who cares ? I still get to play my favourite games on the Play Station
If it dosnt matter to you now, its only time before you'll realise
That the venom is more fatal when the snake that bites
is the snake that lies, right under your foot and blinds your eyes
Poisons your mind with inhuman thoughts and ideas
Tibet and China about to go to war ? I dont understand what the idea is
How could anyone be so matealistic ? Is there any good left ?
Bush laid the path and now we have millions following his foot steps
Or was it Hitler ? Or Mussolini that scripted the destruction of the Earth
I urge scientists to find a new habitable planet cuz I dont think this one's gona fecilitate the next generation's birth
I sit in the Living room listening to the old and wise talk
About how disturbing it is to have your teenage kid listening to rap and rock
How much the Government sucks and what the system lacks
Fuck it ! If you got so many problems, first pay the income tax !
You say deterioration is to population as plague is to mice
Well you didnt think of that when you banged your wife thrice
I shouldnt really be preaching though, I dont do much myself
Except write verses like this which lay forgotten in my shelf
You want a bright future ? All I see is misery and downfall
Aint nothing gona change till you take a stand, till these meaningless wars stall
I guess Im done,
And this time the curtains wont drop, instead, the stars fall.

You Are No God's Child

So far, we been so far, deluded by sights of war
if thats the truth, we shudnt believe in nights and stars
a piece of your soul in revenge for every single scar
and bruise on my body, a vengence by far
the Prophet was never quoted sayin
suicide in Islam was equal to prayin
layin, bodies on the ground with blankets of blood
was never a way to show respect or love
was never a way to attain salvation from above
its all jus a way to give yourself a reason
to follow the path of treachery and treason
a way to silence your conscience
sounds of gunshots seem to be a symphony of the violins
so you mercilessly indulge in violence
without pictures of your fam forming in the back
eliminatin the reason to put down your mack
fading memories screamin "father, what about us?"
false replies, "take care son, in god we trust"
you've abandoned em, a bitter truth to swallow
put your gun to your head, but the bullet's too hollow

You are your own enemy, you will burn and die soon
I dont care about you, Im concerned about the typhoon
you cause to the world, take innocent lives while
People think you'r a hero, but you'r no God's Child.

Stuck between the church and the muslims
blinded by the white in the black
take down they towers and they bombard your land
jus take a minute to think where you fuckin stand
your videos will only trigger their missles off
one ICBM and your whole country's gona fizzle off
then you see hypocrites on TV mournin the loss
readin the wills, skippin clause after clause
nauseated by the lies, i put it on pause
Bullshit written all across, and what do i see ?
an islamic fam burried under the cross
Dont take it hard, Im jus paintin the picture for you
Take a minute to think about the future in store for you
Listen to your heart and teme if this is what you really want
Bloodshed and pain all around, teme if this wont haunt
you to your grave for whatever is left of your life
Will you be able to look at your kids n your wife
without wishing you were one the many fallen on the battle field ?
Did you think you'd be able to come back and hide what's real ?
You've been mislead to believe you'r doin all this for your religion
No religion ever taught us to kill, what were you thinkin ?
Religion lies in a saving a drownin man from sinking
Not shooting him in the head, so he has no chance of survival
You gota answer yourself, you are your own rival

The only other thing that could happen to you is that you'd die
Like the many others you killed, only you'd have nobody to cry
over your dead body, cuz you destroyed your own family
Lying on the barren land, you'll be absorbed by the earth
Only to be spit out again, your mom ashamed of your birth
The Devil's soul and your's have been joined together
You did it in the name of god, he'll abandon you at some point
Same way you abondoned him when you held your first victim at gun point
If you want him to reside in your heart, you'd have to clean it first
But I dont see that happenin, so I hope your soul's gona rust
Cut into a million pieces the same way your semi automatic
shred bodies into bits with each one of its bursts.