Posted in Uncategorized on October 31, 2007| 2 Comments »
Zi: Lala Mui!
Me: *Looked left looked right*
Zi: Sei Lala Mui!
Me: *Stared*
You’re so lucky I didn’t kill you with my books.
Luke: New hair!
Me: Yeah. Why?
Luke: NEW HAIR!
KC: Nicole!!!! What happened to your hair??!! Why you so blonde?!
Me: Yeah lor. Turning into a Lala now.
KC: Why so Lala?!
A day as a dumb blonde. Why is everyone calling me seafood T.T I love my hair wtf. I love my hair I love my hair I love my hair *chants*
Posted in thoughts on October 27, 2007| Leave a Comment »
Sometimes I can’t cease to wonder what am I doing studying this course. This is somewhere I don’t belong. It just doesn’t interest me. But I guess it happens to most of the people out there – doing things that you don’t mean to, things that you don’t like doing. And guess what? It is sometimes out of pure obligations. I do this because I have to and yada yada. Is this part of growing up or this is the part where you don’t grow up at all? Having no aims in life is one thing but having aims and can yet to reach them is another thing. Am I doing this for my family or am I doing this for myself? I don’t know really.
I really wish that I could do something for myself even for that one time and stop thinking bout others. I need ice cream =)
Posted in thoughts on October 14, 2007| Leave a Comment »
Is it wrong to have a certain extent of delusion that I am too great that I should be sufficient to keep my boyfriend close? – that he doesn’t need other source of entertainment or enjoyment in life (eg friends, hobbies, porn, etc). After much reassessment on myself, I realised that I have no identity outside of our relationship simply because I allow the relationship to define me. Everything revolves around the boyfriend. Whenever I get invitations for a night out or lunch appointments the immediate reaction would be “I think I need to ask him first” or “Maybe he wants to go out with me on that day”. It’s been quite some time since I really wanna do something for myself. Even when I shop, I will take into consideration of what he likes me wearing and what not. But doesn’t everyone?
Sometimes females try too hard to please their partners that it inflicts jealousy into the game – the relationship. Because they tend to restrict themselves from doing so many things to keep the other half happy that at a point it seems so unfair if their partners are doing the opposites. To be honest I get jealous whenever he spends time with his friends (female or male) because he isn’t spending his time with me. The thing is, again, I would rather spend time with him than my friends. So this explains why. The reason here is that if I can do it why can’t he? Does this mean I am putting more effort than he does in this relationship? Or is he bored of me already that he had to go away from me? I think this is what most of the people suffer from – self esteem and insecurities. Because of my suspicious jealousy, we often get into fights because of my anger and mistrustful behaviours. It’s almost like I need to find faults of him to confirm my suspicions. What’s worst is that I have to dwell in the past or build things in my imaginative and creative mind to convince myself that something is up. Sometimes I am amazed by how capable my brains are. But it doesn’t mean that I am responsible for all the fights or I am the only person at fault. Oh well, that’s another story for another day.
Jealousy and insecurities keep arising recently due to distance and not being able to spend time with each other. Distance makes the heart grows fonder. Yeah, I bet it does but does it really? The only time I am able to talk to him is at night whereas he could spend the entire day shopping, talking, eating, and hanging out with his friends. What happened last night really boils me. I need some attention too, especially when you are only giving it to your friends over there. I know we need some space and time apart but if I only demand for 2 hours of your time everynight please give it to me because I don’t hope that our “time apart” will be forever.
But then again, am I wrong for being so demanding and pushy? WTFBBQKNNCCB WHY IS MY LIFE SO COMPLICATED?! Whatever it is, I trust my instincts and if I really sense something’s wrong, then it probably is =)
ps: I just realised that this post is about the boyfriend/the relationship again. Omg I really need to find something to do/talk about. I need some time off this. Damn.
Posted in emo on October 13, 2007|
Posted in random on October 10, 2007| Leave a Comment »
It’s already 4 in the morning and I am still up and awake for God knows what reason (no I am not surfing porn nor masturbating don’t ask me why but I think all these things are to be done in the wee hours when everyone is sleeping ngek ngek ngek) eventhough I am yawning like shit. Contradiction I know.
Holy Mother of Cows! I am turning into an Indian..erm….maybe a Bangla wtf. I am so dark now! I am so dark it’s not even funny anymore. Sorry Jessica Simpson I won’t need to rebut a tanning booth with you anymore wtf at least I don’t look like a giant walking orange like you albeit you have 2 papayas hanging on your chest. I am so sick of staying in this big ass tanning machine (Malaysia la aduh) because it membabifyingkan my skin. What happened to the tou fu looking skin I once had. Eversince the Redang trip which happened like 323432532535 months ago I looked like a Malay (I am not being racists la) and now I look like an Indian..I mean Bangla. Urm…b..do you dig Bangla girls? Because you’re getting one wtf. Dah lah got swimming lessons goin on every Friday I think I will be so overcooked that I can’t go to Nottingham anymore because the guards are just gonna ban me from entering the uni compound. If they really do I am so gonna smack them with my used pad. Ambik kau! At least I don’t have two toned arms like somebody hahahahhahaha! You know who you are la *winks*
Okay I think I must pay a visit to lalaland before they, too, ban me from entering wtf I am not a Bangla T.T
Good night world.
+++
Oh my papaya. Why la why la. For the whole day I only managed to read one paragraph of Mr Bratton (which is full of crap btw). If I keep being like this I deserve to be thrown into the crocodile farm in Malacca for detention wtf. My attention span can only last for less than 10 minutes and then my mind will wander off to Land Before Time where I reunite with Spike the dino. Oh, I am very much like Spike the dino because all I do is eat and sleep. I used to love watching this cartoon when I was younger because there’s this mean bitchy female Dino named Sarah. She’s one stubborn dinosaur just like me except I am better looking with longer legs and I am not a dinosaur wtf.
So……how do we keep me focus? Oh wait..I never know we can change font colour in wordpress?! See..I’m doing stupid things again. I’m in dire need of a private tutor. Better still if he or she brings a whip/cane with him/her. Ooohh kinky! Then maybe he/she can whip some sense into me (I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave nyehehehe). Okay, I wanna watch Disney Channel now.
Oh before I forget, Salika has a resemblance to Kimora Lee Simmons (you know the baby phat jean founder) and that’s freakkkyyy! The face, the attitude, the VOICE! They are both loud.
I hope she’s not reading this.
Posted in emo on October 10, 2007|
Posted in random on October 8, 2007| Leave a Comment »
I was looking at this blog which features millionaires in the making. Sometimes I wonder if money can buy happiness? I mean really. Will you be happy without money? Let’s just say you have a great wife/husband, wonderful kids, steady job, a house and maybe 2 dogs but no money. What I mean here is you don’t have extra to spend. Will you truly be happy? I am not being money minded here but this is just a food for thought. Does idontneedmoneyijustneedtolivelifehappilyandstayhealthy exist? Urm…..healthy doesn’t do it anymore because nothing is healthy these days.
So, I was looking at the family pictures of those millionaires in the making and something came to me. They might be rich but they sure are ugly. Then, it hit me that karma might strike me if I say such a thing bout people. I don’t want ugly kids *prays*. Then I was thinking, since they are rich but ugly, maybe they can do something bout it with all the money they have. So maybe money can really buy happiness…..hmmm *thinks hard* Not every millionaire is Paris Hilton (not that she’s very pretty but yeah la). I don’t know what is the point of this post (because it’s rather pointless) but I was just thinking if being this superficial and shallow is a good thing. Oh well, I have my bimbo side too okay.
I’m switching back to my nerdy side now. Gotta study!
ps: No la. They weren’t ugly la. We’re all beautiful. *prays that karma won’t hit me*
Whatever it is, nothing can be as beautiful as this…
=)
Posted in Uncategorized on October 5, 2007|
Posted in Uncategorized on October 2, 2007| Leave a Comment »
Something’s wrong with me. I always get this nauseating feeling after meals. It’s like I have frogs in my stomach waiting to jump out anytime. I just feel so sick right now.
Today is one of those happy days that I’ve never had in such a long time. Having friends around take things off my mind. Eventhough it was for that little while, I still feel happy. And no KC, I don’t strut like a model. I walk like a duck. Quack quack! Wtf.
Right I feel very sick right now. Better go. Ta.
Posted in chinaman on October 1, 2007| Leave a Comment »
waking you up for classes
late night phone calls
your smell on my pillow
going to uni together
Saturdays
waiting for your classes to end
going to classes with you
disturbing you during Arsenal games
merajuking you
hugging you to sleep
your reaction when I playfully slap you
biting you on your arms and ask “pain ah?” just to see the look on your face
and bite again when you say “you think?”
poking fun of your hairy arms
watching you sleep
you rushing me to get ready and simply layan me with “okay la. you look fine la. no need to see yourself in the mirror so many times la”
the way you look at me
you asking me to sit with you when we watch tv
how you need to hold me to sleep everytime
you singing to me
those skirt covering moments
having Tom Yam ramen with you in Jusco
our beef noodles moments together
shopping with you
dinner at your place with you around
your touch
our long conversations through sms
the smell of your face
you nagging me to read the papers
the Minda Ceria guy I met and love 6 yrs ago
the look on your face when you know the face towel is still in the washer
how you always pull my top higher to hide my cleavage
our moments of nothingness
the way you tried to take off my ring without me noticing
holding hands in the car
resting my head on your shoulder
choosing what you wear after shower
massaging your neck and back
most importantly i miss your presence.
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