Last weekend at BBW!!!!

Would have blogged earlier, except I was out cold with a sore throat and flu all week. 

I should be fine by new year!!!!

Lunch at 1U.

Christmas decos!

3 million books to choose from....

IKEA SWEDISH MEATBALL FOR OUR LAST MEAL!

I didn't even know that SG wrote a book before he RIP!
Was just uber melting at BBW over this.
Total damage was 19 books at RM154!

*Heart* Nana for having me along!

Some fights are worth fighting for....

(#254) Through the jam.

Making it home in 1.5 hours on a Friday evening.

Miracles exist, don't they?

(#255) Through the weather.

Rain drizzling off in good timing.

(#256) Through the risk of disappointments.

Both UB and Abu was opened.

And I had both in one night!

Bags aren't packed yet.

I haven't got enough sleep yet.

But I've somehow winded down with time spent in (#257) Cub's magic.

Away from all the demands of civility, I had my fill.

Aimlessly where Odie will take us.

It's a balm to my soul.

One that I hope will last.

Soooo contented and ready now.

Less than 6 hours to go now.

Big Bad Wolf, here I come!!!!!!!!

(cont)..is like a shelter in the storm.

I've spent 38 hours in the office since Monday.
Another 2 hours and I technically would have fulfilled 40 hours of labor of the week.
I'm still wondering how I'm going to have the strength for Big Bad Wolf.

(#253) This isn't pretty.

But it isn't so scary anymore either.

~

I didn't know I have the capability of being silly to the point of embarassment,

just so I can hopefully pierce through Cub's dark emo clouds.

Must have been pure sleep deprived madness.

(#250) Having you there...

How can you not have noticed?

If it's a miracle, you worked it.

You made the darkness bright, and built the bridge.

                       ~from How Like A God.

#251

 What we are is what it is. 

Now to actually, literally rest with that knowledge.

And not try to be like a God.

#252

So we press on, continually press on. 

Even when we are weary.
Utterly wise words from Nana.
I'm taking it out of her context of worship.
I'm sure she doesn't mind.

Good night, comrades!

Pork jerky leaves me with a doggy-like breath.

Can't remember the last time my clothes were folded for me.

A thankful spark

Its not the weekend.
But I had a good 5 hours long nap after work.
Waking up to eat past due dinner at 2am.

Excerpt from fastpray

It is so easy to offer our praise and thanks to God when things are good in our lives, basically when we feel thankful.  But what I constantly have to remind myself of is that thankfulness isn’t simply a feeling that comes from good things happening.  It’s an orienting of the heart that, as we practice it, re-focuses our attention away from painful circumstances and back on Jesus, strengthening our awareness of His consistent presence which is necessary if we’re to endure the many things life throws at us on a regular basis.  It is indeed a practice, and one that might not initially match where our hearts are.  It can seem inauthentic, as though we’re denying our true feelings or suffering.As is usually case, the way in which God calls us to follow Him is radically different than what feels natural in this world.  I can honestly say I never want to give thanks for the pain in my life.  And yet on the occasions I try, I notice that something very subtle shifts inside of me.  It’s like a small chasm of space opens up and gives God more room to take up residence with the pain and do the work in my life He’s after.  In these instances thankfulness takes on a very different definition, becoming an act of surrender, trust, and worship rather than simply a response to circumstances.

It's hard to be thankful in this season of being mentally, emotionally and physically tired on a daily basis.
Yet, somewhere inside a very, very gentle stirring contradicts me.

Traffic been good and I've been in on time every morning.
Light Cokes are piling up in the office fridge.
I've managed to get out of the parking lot every single time I'm suppose to have been trapped by buses.

It's in the little things that aren't necessarily visible, solid or clear.
It's in the little things that is so easily taken for granted because maybe everyone else has the same opportunity.
Or the little things that is justified away by 'I deserve this.' or 'I expected this.'

And freewill lets us make that choice to be thankful our very own.
It is only when we choose to, with a drop of humility, that our eyes can be open to the great little things He provides for us.

My life is not my own

To You I belong

I give myself

I give myself to You

Antidote for Anguish

^{1 Samuel 16}

¹⁴ Now the Spirit of the Lord had left Saul, and the Lord sent a tormenting spirit that filled him with depression and fear.

¹⁵ Some of Saul’s servants said to him, “A tormenting spirit from God is troubling you. ¹⁶ Let us find a good musician to play the harp whenever the tormenting spirit troubles you. He will play soothing music, and you will soon be well again.”

¹⁷ “All right,” Saul said. “Find me someone who plays well, and bring him here.”

¹⁸ One of the servants said to Saul, “One of Jesse’s sons from Bethlehem is a talented harp player. Not only that—he is a brave warrior, a man of war, and has good judgment. He is also a fine-looking young man, and the Lord is with him.”

¹⁹ So Saul sent messengers to Jesse to say, “Send me your son David, the shepherd.”²⁰ Jesse responded by sending David to Saul, along with a young goat, a donkey loaded with bread, and a wineskin full of wine.

²¹ So David went to Saul and began serving him. Saul loved David very much, and David became his armor bearer.

²² Then Saul sent word to Jesse asking, “Please let David remain in my service, for I am very pleased with him.”

²³ And whenever the tormenting spirit from God troubled Saul, David would play the harp. Then Saul would feel better, and the tormenting spirit would go away.

Randoms

I'm alive.

Looking forward to the Big Bad Wolf.

(#244) It is getting pink-ier with time. 

Nerve wracking pain

T.T

Your Grace is Enough

#243

I know I must really be hitting rock bottom 

when I cried over something as simple as a dinner invitation.

Another unexplained kindness.

An answer to a deep bizarre desire I hadn't even bothered to pray about.

It's so awesome that He made it come true.

A reminder how much He cares for me.
*sniff*

I love you, I love you, I love you...
And my heart will follow wholly after You.

Piece of the week

There's a bike that does not like me.

I burnt my right leg against the exhaust pipe.

=_____=

In the midst of the long days at work...

Long jams on the bridge....

I'm thankful for:
(#239) Colleagues
Takeaways.
Money owing for breakfast and lunch when I forgot my wallet this week.
Patience of one in particular in explaining stuff to me.

(#240) Comfort Food
Light coke!
Royce!
Chachos!
Water frogs! =)
Thursday U.Burger's Night!

(#241) Reads
Kayner =)
How Like A God

(#242) Rainbow on an otherwise gloomy evening.
There's something totally quaint in asking another person crossing over like you if they are seeing one as well.
=)

(#243) And those who have to put up with my cranky self this week.

Another couple of weeks to go.

I'm sooooooooooooo not fun right now.

I'm That Girl

It's a Saturday full of joy and happiness.

I'm happy for the beautiful glowing bride.

Really am.

Yet, inside somehow the bittersweet ache grew. The 'what-ifs' ballooned.
It didn't help that there was conversations that went along the lines of 'She doesn't remember, she was so young then!' or the ones that has 'The last time I saw her was at the funeral...'
It didn't help that it was so frustrating to be stuck with my dad who was wanting to head home since 9.30am.

I thought I was having a really good grip on my emotions last night when my aunt asked if I remembered the days when I played with the girls.
I suppose I'm thankful I lasted til we were on our way home.
The dam broke in the middle of a food court in Bercham over something as simple as food.
The memories that trickled in since my aunt asked turned into an unstoppable torrent with the dam broken.
Keeping the flood going on and off for the last 4 hours.
It's the strangest thing how going down memory lane can make one cry so badly.

In the midst of those old memories, I was trying to find one good one about this weekend.
And then I remembered;

The bride's hand brushed against mine as we stood for a shot.

Somehow in a jolt I'm taken back into the past, into another memory where I was nervous and miserable in one of those first visits to the now familiar family house. And then she came, took both my hand and the other cousin's hand. I was both relieved and puzzled by what she was doing. And she lead us upstairs just so she didn't have to go to the toilet there alone. The other cousin and I got about to shyly talking, falteringly as we wait. Ice, broken by the time we came down the stairs.

China House =)

Jazz is so flavorful.

Like red wine. 

Leaves you warm, gooey and fuzzy.

Syncopation.

Improvisation.

Enjoyed thoroughly with eyes closed.

Peace lies in simplicity

If only I can stay in this state of mind,

Being content and at rest.

all through this season of hard work.

Been enjoying my off days this week.

Sleep. 

Eat.

Chat.

Read.

Play.
Mani.

It's comforting to stay in darkness.

It's comforting to be weird too.

More than that, it's comforting to be accepted.

Just like that.

It's a constant reminder;
One that I'm thankful of everyday.

(#237) Soaking in music on Monday and Wednesday helped kept the blues away.
Courtesy of Cub's player, now that Odie's radio is driving me nuts.

(#238) Nana's reminder that we should not bother to be cookie cutter Christians.
I needed it. =)

Looking forward to the weekend.
Hopefully I'll get to see some serious drumming!

Update.

I think I've calmed down.

This morning was another insane frenzy from 8.30am, 

endured working through lunchtime and finally breathing a relief at about 4pm.

For which I then had to reply emails that wasn't project focused.
But I have tomorrow off, so that's an even bigger relief!

I think it was amazing how I managed to catch a 6pm Skyfall,

getting all the way from the other end in one hour.
On a Friday.

The English humor is plain old delightful.
But this has to be the ugliest 007 that's ever been cast.

I conquered Gurney Drive!

*laughs uncontrollably*

They shouldn't call it a drive when its of walk-able distance.

I ended the last bit of the walk in my killer blue hoodie.
In order to surprise any unwanted encounter in the really dark end.

Was intending to be seriously creepy and weird wearing it up all the way,

but it was too hot after the first 5 minutes!


I'm thankful for the company that keeps me sane.
Through Kayner and Maple magic.

Derailing stress

It's been a long day.
I'm still trying to figure out what upsets me the most.

Was it the level of security? 

The news? 

Or my own lack of faith?

Confidence?

I know what bothers me.

Biting off more than I can hopefully chew.

The change of working hours,

changing my comfortable routines, sorta.

New laptop arriving in the midst of this havoc state.
(Which I'm supposed to be thankful about because its bigger and better, ha!)
Rescheduling my dental appointment, 

that indirectly means I have to reschedule practice,
which I've done once last weekend.

In the midst of a flood, it's like floating on my back.

Gasping for air.

Yet we all know who we look to when all we can do is look up.

To the King over the flood.

Time to get out of my comfort zone.

Belated thankfuls

In the last week, that is.
My birthday ones are grouped into #228, as I've decided the day was filled with uncountable ones.

So here's to last week.

#229 Fast and pray Mondays.
(After receiving news that trembled my core.)
#230 Koyah.
(After a super long day at work)
#231 Dinner treat by Jen!

I'm so in love with it!

#232 Pupu

(Followed me to Penang and kept my face covered from the imagined wrath of Slavedriver)

#233 Black Forest Cookies
(Breakfast as well as awesomely comfort food)
#234 Nana fostering me
( Though technically I ended up cheating and spent hours in DK B hiding from the crowd instead of joining the after-crowd)
#235 And in a lot of recent things, Cub.
(I've decided to stick with that term although there's no pets or cougars involved anymore. For sure.)

Stress

When the desires of your heart is LOOMING ahead,

it makes one shiver.

And knowing that between now until then you just have to hang in there,

it makes one wants to hide.

I have a list of thankful that has to wait until I finish my workload for the night.

Yeah, workload of the night.

Can't believe it myself.

Words to soak in...

“I love you…I love you…I love you.  I love you anyway, fully, completely, perfectly, and that will never, ever change from now until eternity.”

 ~fast.pray.~

The stuff I wasn't expecting...

*post birthday post*

How do I even start counting my thankfuls this round?

I made some pretty concrete plans this year.
Like ordering the cake, bowling around 5pm and Koyah at 8.30pm when they start frying the noodles have been on my mind for a few weeks.
Add-ons just last week was that there was breakfast with the girls who flew in a day earlier and a movie before bowling.
Which was fine. Still on the plan. And I was content with my plan.
Even when there wasn't the 1.30pm slot I wanted for the movie and had to go for the 11.50am slot,
I thought I can surely kill 3 hours hanging out at 1st Avenue before PB.

In actuality, I had to kill like 5-6 hours because the movie wasn't that long and bowling was super short.
And then Koyah was closed.

Yet...
Ended up it was better than what I had planned.
Or maybe I was enormously relieved that emo day finally came.


Ended up I managed to include a so called prank I love that involves showing up unexpectedly at people's house.
And I didn't fail that morning. =D


Ended up I managed to do 3 other stuff that I've been wanting to do but there hasn't been a proper time for.
And there's such a beauty, being in awe and having an awareness that not being a stickler to concrete plans or to be disappointed when plans fail can bring little surprises to myself.

What was priceless and uncountable is the time and effort spent with all I met up with including a sick Jen.

Each of them that's such a blessing in my life right this moment.

Then there was the things I received.

Chocolate from Lyin!

Angpow.

From Rachel's mum. A really unexpected surprise in the morning.

I think I'm a first outside of family to get it, no?

McDonald's Float

Stolen from a Spice and Ice meal.

The cemetery I've been longing to visit.
This happened only because;
a) Parking at Penang Bowl was just nearby.
b) It was still broad daylight
c) I was safe.

Walking all around the Padang before Koyah.
Having random conversations.
Eating gummy worms and roses.
Watching a kid flying a very interesting set of small kites.

The mosque I've been dying to take shots of every time I passed by.
Somehow there was less traffic that made stopping Odie in front of it possible.

Lovely western food that happened because Koyah was closed for their Raya.
First time visiting this place.
And it was befitting a birthday meal.

Pupu, my new USO from Jen and Popo my old baby all hooked up.
Lol.

Birthday Card
Teary at the heartfelt words from Vi.

Nandos
Just imagine. Of all people. Treated by Slavedriver at dinnertime today. Lol.

Sorry, guys...

*a fuzzy post*

I couldn't deal with annoying people sober.

I knew I was going down that road the moment I started singing along to the music.

What do they know of the last seven to ten years?

How can everything be just assumed and criticized over?

It's like being challenged to be rebellious and annoying me further to be at my worst.

And every time, I fail to let His grace get me through it.

I'm thankful that I only had to deal with one for the whole day instead of two.

I'm thankful that the lashings in my head stayed mostly in there.

I'm thankful that Vi and Lyin was with me.

Else there might have been serious damage done.

#227 Thank God I don't have to wash my hair today!!!!

Because I'm still tired.
And I'm already tired at the thought of being stuck in dresses today.
I've only gone for long hours in one on the 1st day of CNY!

Today is going to be worth the struggle.

Congratulations, San!!!!!!

Yesterday was awesome, out of my mind.

Was out for over 12 hours!
So many unexpected gifts and things.

Chocolates, an angpow, a Unidentified Soft Object (USO) called Pu Pu, 

the cemetery, fireworks and the mosque.

So Freakin' Friggin' BLESSED!

Am so thankful.

The only regret is probably forgetting to call my brother to wish him in the midst of everything.

But then, I also forgot all my directions in Penang.

Lol.
And oh, not only my Birks decided to give up on me,
the strap of the bag I was carrying for the day came off as well.



I so need to pack my things now.
Photos will have to wait!

You are 5 year old!

Happy Birthday, Blog!

Can you tell I'm so excited?
Was going to do the whole midnight thing.
But someone had a football match on and I was pooped from a long day at work.
Ended up waking up at 6am for a little SELF INDULGENCE.
=D

All packed and ready for distribution!

Now I can go back to snuggling in.

The business with hair...

Just the simple act of sitting there. 

Letting my mind clear up.

Truly a blessing.

Woo hooo!!!!

I reached my 10 Million NPs goal!!!

What a pretty sight!

Pet Peeve

People who compliments after a set.

>.<```

And then I get tongue tied when what I wanna say is;

THIS COMPLIMENT BELONGS TO GOD, YOU IDIOT !
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

Jeez.
Breathe.....
Exhale.

Had awesome maggi goreng that I can never tire of.
Never fails to leaving me contented.

Bonus lies in being driven to and fro for just one meal.
Am thankful (#225).

Oh, and I've managed to order my cake.
Hee..
Instead of waiting for it, I've decided to get my own this year.

Sniffles

Bummer stuffs.

There wasn't a phone in the picture on Friday.

I didn't win anything.

Have a bug up my nose. 

Wish it would put a plug on the hose.

Things I'm thankful for in the last 3 bugged days.

#222 Instant noodles. Chicken flavor is definitely my comfort food when I'm this out.
Courtesy of my dad.

#223 K-love videos that couldn't have been more timely. Courtesy of Vi. =)

#224 Rereading Max again because of a blast from the past. Courtesy of Nana. =)

Gripe of the day

So it's Friday.
Usually I'll be springing up plans of things to do or eat for this weekend by now.
Instead, I've decided to venture into the unknown and join something tonight called....

Company dinner.

Never been to one of these in all my years of working.
What got me eager was the IMAGINATION that they'd give away a Samsung S3 for the top lucky draw prize.
Yeah, as if that's going to happen. To me. >.<
This round's theme is Hollywood so there's no hassle to just go in one of those dresses meant for wedding dinners, Christmas or Sundays I feel really good on.
And since we're on that subject, I have to attend 3 wedding dinners in these 3 months.
Which makes a Samsung S3 a little far off more in the distance.
So yeah, dreamer in the house!

The anxiousness and gripe lies in something called;

Games.

Like, what on earth will they make people play dressed in their best? 

>.<`

And photo taking sessions.

>.<``

Enough said.
Hope I make it back unembarrassed.

This is the day that the Lord has made....

Proudest moment of the day had to be...

1 2

Crash 2 3 4 5 6 Tat Tat (x3)

Crash 2 3 4 5 6 Roll!!

Pom Pom Tat Tat Pom Pom Tat (x7)

Pom Pom Tat Tat Rolls!!

Crash 2 3 4 5 6 Tat Tat (x3)

Crash 2 3 4 5 6 Roll!!

Pom Pom Tat Tat Pom Pom Tat (x8)

Crash!!

I finally completed a short song.

Emo pants

It's October.

My emo pants are buckled on really tight.

Please forgive me.

Seeing her all curled up in bed today, stitches on her head....
I wondered if I've made the right decision.
Griffin, the 5 dimensional guy who could see the future in MIB3 would have been able to tell.
No one really asked me why I've returned, and I only volunteered the honest answer once.
Today it feels like a very heavy price has been paid for my freedom.

Thankful through this storm for;
#219 Mi online at this hour. And she's nearly never online. 
Letting me let out and filling up with the right thoughts.

#220 Occupied time throughout the day. 
Leaving me so little space to be in the black hole of my own thoughts.

#221 This weekend's theme is how deep the Father's love for us.
He truly does.

A day of many smiles (#218)

Through practice which was tight and had our best drummer (and lead guitarist) return.
I've missed 'Your sound.' as I called it.

While walking around my old alma mater seeing that not much have changed.

Catching up with an old man.

Looking up at the high ceiling in the main hall remembering all those times I've been there.

Turning around and seeing the smile that said 'I'm here now.'

Messing with both ears without a word to stop me.

Going to Koyah second time in a row, finally savoring the great noodles again.

It was awesome how everything turned out despite an earlier disappointment.
Truly God works in mysterious ways. All I had to do was surrender.

When you think you know how a miracle would look like, 

you really have no clue that He could change things so that the outcome is still a moment of 

praising God for what He's capable of.

Totally *heart*...

Joseph Gordon-Levitt 

Brilliant in Looper.

As he was in 50/50.

Stories From A Place To Call Home

Happy Birthday, Nana!
Here's your birthday review.

Based on the musical A Place To Call Home, Anna Tan (Nana) has launched an ebook, giving us 10 short stories for the characters in the musical. 

Being Nana's first book, I'm super happy for her.
She has so totally worked hard for this and its beautiful how her passion for writing is being realized. 

Some of the stories in the ebook gives us an in depth look on how the characters felt about the central character Daniel being adopted into the Lee family. 
Since I actually watched the musical, I was delighted that I get to read more then there was about each character than what was portrayed in the musical. 

'Cock of the Walk' gives us a sense of background to the musical story. 
Like a prologue to what Daniel the main character gets himself into.
'So Surreal' dabbles into how Daniel is torn between seeing his prayer answered yet dreading what his new life would be like from the first impressions he had at the welcoming party. 
'Picking Fights' is one of those stories from the other characters. 
'Letting Go' sees things from Emily, sort of like the mother's POV. 
I felt for her during the musical. 
'Falling For Him' is like a scene from a girly sleepover.
I really liked this as it gives us a little more about the female characters in the musical. 
'He is Not My Son' is like the father's unmasking his disappointment with Daniel. 
'Leaving' gives us a little more background on Diane. 
'Closure' story is part of the thoughtful ending scene in the musical. 
'The Bench' is a sweet story from the future. 
'Dreams' is the ending that could have been. I would have loved to see the romantic scene, but at the same time reading the story lets me imagine it myself. 

Overall, I think I enjoyed it more after watching the musical. I'm not sure if I would be lost without having watched the musical. But then I have to be honest that I could be biased since its Nana's book. =) 

These stories were either in a POV style or third-party view. I like the third-party view ones better as I think the POV ones all have the same level of thoughtfulness for each character which lets you see how much thought Nana puts into each one of them but yet makes them somehow slightly the same. 
Having said that, I liked that there was both an Emily and an Edmund's POVs as it shows that a couple can see the whole adoption thing differently.

My favorite story of all has to be 'The Bench' as it gives us a happy ending of sort that can belong to both endings ('Closure' and 'Dreams'). Happy ending that equate couple did get together (oops spoiler!) isn't exactly the point of the whole musical, but that's my cup of tea. Which makes 'Falling For Him' kinda my second favorite story. =) 

Go have a read here. =)

Thankful things

#210 Made it back from Koh Lipe in one piece.
#211 Survived a busy week of work directly after.
#212 BBQ
#213 Staying out til 3am and NOT getting a single word about it.
#214 Steamboat =)
#215 Bump on my head has faded.
#216 Sunburns are finally shedding.
#217 Pulling a familiar ear.

'She's one of the guys now...' 

                                          

                           ....was both touching yet sad.

Because the truth is I wouldn't be where I am today if I have left or Big Bro hadn't left.

And I miss all of them.

Best-est highlight of the weekend

The absolute best-est highlight of the weekend had to be...

Lying on a beach chair... 

Watching the stars...

Listening to the waves...

Enjoying a bottle of beer held in one hand...

While the other hand pets one of the many beach dogs...
Feeling oh such bliss from being slightly drunk...
Yet doing so many of my favorite things at the same time.

Second place goes to...

Riding in the welded sidecar of a Thai motorbike...

Giggling and squealing all the way down a bumpy slope...

Heart pounding hard from this dangerous thrill ride...
All by myself in the sidecar.

Third place goes to...

Watching the sun set after walking a long way to reach Sunset Beach.
The ball of fire striking a ray of light onto the sea,
as it sinks into the horizon.
Those couple of minutes was amazing.

God is MAD!

I have to get up in 5 hours time.
But I so want to jot this down!

Thankful #206
I FOUND MY HEADSET!

If you know SE's old headset, it comes in 2 separated wires to attach together to make one.
And I FOUND BOTH!!

WEEEE!!!!!!!!

Yes, I'm being silly.
But there I was looking for one wire having already found another
(after being a little bummed how my mp3 player has actually rusted from lack of use)
but yet thinking its okay if I don't find it because its not all that important.
Then I opened a drawer and its THERE!!!!
And both still connect into one perfectly fine to my phone.

Yes, He's mad for loving me so much.
I do not deserve to be so overwhelmed with joy for finding such a small thing,
but that's how He works and its darn MAD!!!!

And since I'm on my thankful list, here's the rest of it that belonged to yesterday. 
(although I'm wasting more precious sleep time blogging!)

Thankful #207 
Awesome rainbow framing both sides of my view while on Penang bridge.
I more or less drove through a rainbow. A great reminder of God's promises.

Thankful #208
Having a driver for my 2nd drive of the day from BM to Penang and also being UB's delivery down to Straits Quay.

Thankful #209 
Having Nana give breath to my artsy side.
Oh and the 1D eye-candy was such a pleasant bonus!

=) So blessed.

Go away, emo.

The darn feeling won't go away.

A really old friend of my big brother came to visit my office as a recently hired IT director in Jabs.
Somehow in a meeting, he mentioned to send his regards to me and my boss came running over after the meeting to poke around about 'Oh, how do you know him?". =.=
I wasn't left with much of a choice but to suggest I walk over and introduce myself to this total stranger who last saw me 20 years ago. I even confessed that I don't remember him at all.
Which made my boss all excited again on what is personally, none of her business to know. *fumes*

And all he had to say was....

"The last time I saw her was at the funeral......"

Out of nowhere, that raw sinking emo feeling appeared.

Thank God, he kept it short after that and even deflected to talk about another person he's work with before.
I wouldn't have stand it if my nosy boss asked anymore questions.
Was so embarrassed at how shameless she was!

With this dark cloud hanging about, I ended up wondering harder if I remember him or any of my big brother's friends.

Flashing back to things like;
The badminton court where we had our assemblies and my big brother had his games on weekends.
The Fifth or Sixth Former's' party where I was a spoilt guest.
Chess lessons. (Which he somehow manages to pass down to his sons. Jeez.)
The canteen tables where my big brother dissected his rats and mice on weekends.
The female friends involved in that.
We even named a white mouse once before it was put in coma.
I always forget which table it was the mouse or rat died on by the time I have recess on Mondays.
In the very same canteen.


It would have been so much more easier to have met him on my own.
I would have asked a polite question or two and run for my life.
End of being nice to a stranger. And he wouldn't have had to mention the funeral.
My facial expression must have faltered at the mentioned of funeral. =.=

But I suppose I'm thankful he didn't mentioned anything about me in diapers or if he had carried me as a toddler.
Now that would have been so awkward.


It struck me that this is the first ever person I've met that knows about that past.
One that isn't family, that is.


I'm blessed with the now. With where I am. With Whom I've found I belong to.
I'm not playing the 'What-if' game. Not tonight.
Shoo, emo. Shoo.

Joy in little measures

~
Weeee, bought 10 books for less than RM50 from Times Bookfair.

~
I now know the place of a serious to die for lamb burger.
You have to be prepared for the gamey flavor though.
Still nothing that beats UB's caramelized onions.

~
IT felt like I won.
Knowing that we've done something against his ideals.
But then in the end, it isn't about any of us but about Him.

~
Only close people get rude retorts in certain cultures.
Today I was one of them.
Made me Oh-so-happy, I could have hugged!


(#202)
Weather timing. It rained a little but cleared out on the later part of yesterday's evening.

(#203)
Charlie's B. (Shortening to just initials sounds.... crude. Do laugh if you get it)
I knew from the moment we arrived, this is Your reminder.
Your promise that You will always provide for me.
Your answer when I've been so disappointed and frustrated over UB not being opened after making our way there all ravenously hungry and not knowing where else to go then.
With this, You were also reminding me to let go and let You be in control over the things I can't be in control of.
Thank you. I needed it. 

(#204)
Benana playing and giving a drum lesson in the late hours of last night.

(#205)
He made all things well this morning.

Looking forward to....

Times Bookfair

Nandos

Koh Lipe

Meeting Nana 2 out of 3 events.

Wee!!

(#201)Remembering the people I've lost this year,

makes me appreciate the ones I still have even more.

Enjoying the Message version

Romans 8:26-28

The Message (MSG)

 ^26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Today I don't feel like doing anything....

Was out til 2ish last night. A record for me this year.
Dad was still up and made my blood freeze for a few minutes but until this afternoon he hasn't mentioned a word.
Like I said to Slavedriver, "He's getting used to it".  *grins*

I slept in til nearly noon.
Have a tad bit of sand in my room from the previous night.
Been lazing since then.

Am just glad that towards year end there's public holiday every month.
It really works people into the holiday mood.

~
It amazes me that I'm still here, and we are coming to the 9th month of the year.
Which means it's been 8 months since Big Bro left.
And I'm amazed at how I've coped, adapted and maybe even conform to where I'm at.
Having the same cycle I'm going through now with someone off for studies, I'd make it through...
Because I can see how in some months time I'll be stronger about her too. There's hope.

Every time I remind myself not to get obsessive about things like say a ball bounced into someone else's court, the ball somehow bounces back into my court.
And I'm left deciding if I should risk bouncing it away again.
But then again, what's the fun of not playing when you have a ball in your hand?

With time, all things will become clear. Finding their own spaces, like I will.

(#200) There's nothing like discovering you are really on a journey through life,

and God's behind the steering wheel.

Always.

Contented

Weeee!!!!

MAGGI GORENG JUST LIKE IN KL!!!
Goreng that's not fried.

With that perfect yolk runny but whites cooked egg on the sides.
Awesome~!!!!

After all these years of not seeing the likes of it here, I was starting to lose hope.
And then I just mentioned it in passing to Slave driver just the other night,
and he was saying he knows just the one place.
And there we all were tonight! Ahh, the joy of eating a long-craved for food!

Between today and yesterday's dinner, I'm feeling so delighted that I've satisfied my cravings one after the other. Like, what are the odds of having that in a row!
(#197) So so blessed with fulfilled cravings.

(#198) MD's teachings have been reaffirming the tapestry of love I'm woven in. 2 nights down, 1 more to go!

(#199) Late dinner with benana and the rest.
It was just good to see them even with no instruments around.
Been missing the confident rhythm and proper dynamics of the drums.

Satiated

Yes!!

Had another craving today.

I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

UB's awesome~!!!!

So is my delivery service.

Although the timing of everything could have been better,

but the point is I get my craving fulfilled, right? 

Now if only it is just my imagination that Slave driver is mad at me in my pursuit of food vs. behaving myself.

I swear I'll behave tomorrow night!

Post fun update.

Every blessings You pour out I'll turn back to praise.
And when the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say...

These words would never be the same again.
Not after seeing some classic disco pointing up and down moves involved in it.
*burst into uncontrollable laughter*

~
Holidays have been fun, fun, fun.

I got browned and had 2 teething marks on my right hand, yet I'm still in love with PanPan.
Wonder when I'll see it again.

The troubled waters I got myself into on Sunday night, is all under the bridge now.
My aunts and dad did a final cross examination and comparison of timeline after dinner tonight.
The defense counsel was definitely losing in a 1 vs 4 setting.
She's super relieved she isn't grounded or some corporal punishment was sentenced.

Thankfuls;
#194 I was not alone. Not as long as I chose the right battles to fight for.

#195 It's always a blessing to have Jen as my partner in crime for unmentionable things. Lol.
Monday night was totally totally awesome!!!!! Let's do it again in a couple of months time. =)

#196 Showers. Of rain, laughter and joy.

A 5 minutes note.

I just organized a family dinner at 6pm. Feeling so proud of Jing Jing. Hahahaha.

AM OBSESSED WITH THIS!

Which brought me to the below video.
This guy is awesome!!!!

#193 God made all my plans possible.

*Warning! Long post ahead*

Definitely deserving a #192 on my list....

Thursday night was such a blessing to catch up with Vi.

I had SK with her. Hahaha!
The mini Mars bars were like icing on the cake.
I was just telling my dad last week that I no longer get chocolates from Singapore in defiant to him complaining to my aunt that I have a big chocolate stash. Which I don't, not really.
The look on his face was really something when I showed him the Mars bars. Lol.

~
Had my day off on Friday.

Made a surprise magic act of appearing where the security bar should have blocked me off.
There was people doing maintenance on the security bar hence the ability to drive straight through. Hee!
It was like, the first thing I was thankful about and just felt that things were going to go well from there onward.

Even with a detour to Crystal Point in the morning, back to back movies at 1st Ave was still possible.
Three Stooges was pure slapstick comedy and made me laugh til my voice was hoarse.
It would be the one show I'd watch again.
It was so funny I'm thankful there was only like 4 of us in the whole cinema, so it wasn't so embarrassing that I was laughing away like I own the place.
Yeah, with no control volume button. Just imagine.
I was still having giggle spasms even after I've gotten out of the cinema area. It was that enjoyable.

Total Recall made me cringed and squealed quite a bit with the fast-paced action scenes.
And because I had such an empty cinema for Three Stooges, I kinda forgot about the other audiences when I first sat down for this second movie.
Had to remind myself a couple of times to keep the reaction to the screen down.
The gravity changing scenes was quite a mind-boggle to me.
Something to do with passing the core of the earth, or near the core of the earth.
The synthetic police reminded me of the white baddies in Star Wars which made them not so scary after that.

Killed an hour or so by trampling over to Komtar and crossed like the craziest intersection ever....with me squealing away because no cars was stopping to let us walk across.
And all that just so to check out a music shop opposite Gama.
Then was back and over to Prangin to check out if there was any new skeleton anklets which I'm crazy about right now.

Then it was FINALLY time for Nana's musical!!!
Bought her an emo bar. Lol.
The musical was awesome!!!
Or maybe I'm biased because I've never been to a local one.
(And everything Nana does is awesome anyway after she created Max....Lol)
Thankful of the early passes so I can choose where I wanna sit.
My spot was just right because I could watch the musical, the band and the choir on the other end without twisting my neck much. And if I turned all the way behind, I see Nana's serious face on as a bonus!
I got all teary when the mum grieves over the lost son. It was THAT moving.
And the band was *swoon* worthy!
Are they that cute all the time? When can I audition for the music team, Nana? Lol.

Since the musical ended around 10ish, we could make our way up to Rasa Sayang to watch Sound of Lights play.
An out of the blue spur of the moment drive based only because its been weeks since we last saw them.
Unfortunately, they had ended the session earlier for that particular night although their time slot was suppose to be until 11.15pm every night.
Was kinda disappointed having driven all the way up there to come back down again.
And without dinner at that point. My tummy was more or less influencing my mood by then.

So instead we had take-out food (ending the reign of Glass meals) and ate at the promenade.
Had my sundae ice cream in the car, and was in a better mood by the time we got there.
It never fails to amaze me when another of God's creation would let me spoon feed them.

Lost track of time eating, watching the gentle ripples of waves, having random conversation topics and just being intoxicatedly calm in the peace between fireworks, dog barking from a boat at sea and other noises.
After a long day that I went through so many different emotions, it was just right to end my day there.
I wouldn't have mind just dying on the spot there.
Got home way way late and was super glad to find my dad asleep.

I can't even begin to list down all the thankfuls about Friday because there was just sooo many details to be thankful about. So there's my title as a roundup to that.

I am amazed that You love me

God's been so loud lately.

Though the sorrows may last for the night,

the joy comes in the morning

#188 An old hymn.

O Love That Will Not Let Me Go

1. O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

2. O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

#189 An excerpt from fastpray.wordpress.com that resonated so deeply within me.

Caleb reminds me to steward well the season of delay, meeting God’s provision with thanksgiving instead of complaining, believing in God’s goodness instead of doubting it. Caleb fought for his inheritance all those years by living in faith, marrying, having children—rejoicing fully in what God had for him at that time, yet never losing sight that greater things were coming.

#190 Vi's coming back!

#191 Silencert took a day off.


I'm overwhelmed.
A 1000 things started out as a 'Can I really find or dig out a 1000 things to be thankful about?'.
The number was like a goal.
Yet somehow in this season, its no longer a goal.
But a list that's in some ways are milestones of His promises, His love, His kindness...
The shift in perspective to being thankful is such a balm to my spirit.
Reminding me constantly to see the bigger picture that He's painting over my life right now.



*title of post from a song in Israel Houghton's Decade album.

This isn't a sting from death...

Or maybe I'm just holding back the tears because I refuse to admit it stings.

What flashes through my head these last 4 days is that first encounter some twenty years ago.

Waking up early after the first night, I found this tall man burning 'hell money' for my mum.
The light from the flames made his face aglow.
Having apparently done that the whole night long, I was fascinated with what he was doing.
Whoever he was at that point didn't really register until later years.

And somewhere in that period of days, he carried me up to look inside the coffin.
He was way taller than anyone else who had carried me during that time.
So the lift up in his arms was particularly high.
It was an awkward moment considering I was then old enough not to be carried,
just unfortunately still too short to look inside on my own.
And I've only been lifted up by my father or Ko at that point.

R.I.P. 2ku.

~
It was a dilemma to follow the rituals with a heavy heart, standing firm on not bowing or involving in the joss stick burning sessions. And sticking up like a sore thumb for being anti-white.
Yet wanting to pay respect in the midst of all that.

~
#186 I'm thankful that I somehow did not roster myself for this weekend as we weren't expecting death to be near.
#187 The weather was fine at all the night sessions and this morning.

Words to believe in...

Fight to stay amazed.

Fight to dwell in His presence.

Fight to keep your heart alive to His breathtaking beauty.

And fighting is not an easy task.

Now, what?

Some days fall into the 'Now, what?' times and waiting require resilience;

I do not have on my own.

Thankful #185;
My last on-call of the year is now over.
Had great US colleagues who handled quite a few things for me.
Managing to be in church at the same time as critical alerts were pouring in was totally Him in control.

Quote of the day;

There is much in the world to make us afraid

There is much more in our faith to make us unafraid.

Nail art and other stuff

Was too busy to paint my nails these last 2 weeks....
And I so needed a pamper myself moment today.
There was some voucher for express manicure somewhere in Georgetown....
I ended up doing gel manicure and a simple pedicure that's now a bright fuchsia
(both ideas that had nothing to do with the voucher).

The beauty on my fingers are a total contrast to the bright funk on my toes.
And my toes were done by a male manicurist, which was plain awkward.
There's always a first to this changing world, I suppose.

I was being indecisive over what flowers to paint.
Ended up getting those 3-D stickers.

Was surprised the lady was so patient with me.

Especially as I directed where each flower and how the leaves should go on my nails...

Weeeeeeeee..........!!!!!!!!!

Painted nails lifts my spirit up.

Oh! And on some random note:

Bon Odori fireworks was awesome!

~Seriously just so thankful (#184) for the parking spot so close to the Esplanade.~
Couldn't have had it without the right timing.
Giant balloons.
Cosplayers.
Yukatas!
And the little girls all dressed up in traditional costumes.
Kawaii to the max!!!!


Chocolate muffins from Continental Bakery is superbly awesome~!!!

UB Happified

The smell of caramelized onions wafted through the room.

*happy happy happy happy*