Last night, after quite a while, I had another loop dream. I think I told someone about this loop dreams before.. It's like a never ending staircases. Up, down, left and right, it's just stairs. There's also doors at some ends.
Last night the dream is a little different. I saw this weird cell door (you know, those 'pintu penjara' type of door) that leads into a corridor instead of the usual 'another stairs'. This door is like all other cell doors though, locked.
Now like always, I wonder why is it all cell doors in my loop dreams are locked? I mean the only kind of door I can see through, always locked. The other type, of which I can't see through, are all unlocked. So, what do you think?
I think these kind of dreams are rare. I never heard anyone else having this kind of dreams. Like how some people experience 'sleep paralysis', I have rare conditions I guess. Another kind of dreams I usually have are lucid dreams and multi-level dreams.
Multi-level dream scares me a big deal. Why? Because when I have these dreams, I always know I'm dreaming but when I wake up from one lucid dream into another dream, I'll begin to be afraid of never waking up from dream state into the real world. Also, most of my multi-level dreams are more than five layers. Very rare, it'll be less.
Hmm.. I think I need to see a dream expert..
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Daybreakers
After searching for quite a while, I finally found this film. I don't know if any of you have watched it but as far as I remember, this film never goes into cinemas in Malaysia.
So how do I found out about this movie? Well, trailers from the internet of course. The story? It's about a vampire scientist named Edward who is trying to find a way to produce a substitute for human blood to cater to every vampires' need.
It was never explicitly stated why, but the way Edward tries so hard inevitably makes you wonder why does he care? Because he is worried about turning into Subsiders, the savage monster vampires will turn into if they were deprived of human blood for too long? Nope. Not the case I think because Edward refused to consume human blood although he knows that means he will gradually turn into one.
Also worth noting, Edward helped and saved a group of human from vampire cops although one of them (the female lead) shot him with a bow gun. Realizing that there's a risky way to become human again, he didn't hesitate to turn into his previous mortal self.
Try and get this movie and watch it. I'm suggesting that you turn the volume down when you do because there's a few shocking moments. After you are done, I'm pretty sure you, like myself will see what Edward see. Human is mortal and weak in many ways but it's the value of being 'alive' that matters, even that value will be a short lived one. Watch it guys. Definitely worth your time.
So how do I found out about this movie? Well, trailers from the internet of course. The story? It's about a vampire scientist named Edward who is trying to find a way to produce a substitute for human blood to cater to every vampires' need.
It was never explicitly stated why, but the way Edward tries so hard inevitably makes you wonder why does he care? Because he is worried about turning into Subsiders, the savage monster vampires will turn into if they were deprived of human blood for too long? Nope. Not the case I think because Edward refused to consume human blood although he knows that means he will gradually turn into one.
Also worth noting, Edward helped and saved a group of human from vampire cops although one of them (the female lead) shot him with a bow gun. Realizing that there's a risky way to become human again, he didn't hesitate to turn into his previous mortal self.
Try and get this movie and watch it. I'm suggesting that you turn the volume down when you do because there's a few shocking moments. After you are done, I'm pretty sure you, like myself will see what Edward see. Human is mortal and weak in many ways but it's the value of being 'alive' that matters, even that value will be a short lived one. Watch it guys. Definitely worth your time.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Traffic Accident
Yesterday has been a quite tiring day for me. I thought the day will go event-less and I can 'fong gong' as usual but..
The last few working hours (two, to be exact), my uncle's driver went to deliver the last batch of goods. Five minutes after he left, he returned, the car is badly dented and he told us a motorbike crashed onto it.
My uncle then 'dispatched' me to check and negotiate things out with the family of the two speed devils. At the clinic, one of the biker (the passenger of the bike) was said to have passed out and the rider has his small finger 'smashed', with some other small slashes here and there.
The family seems a bit upset and although no argument happened, I kept my uncle's driver aside so that things don't get too heated up. After a few words, I found out the rider has no licence. Of course you have to take advantage of that fact to protect yourself right? Also, it was their fault to overtake when the car in front of them is going into a right hand side junction with its signal already flashing.
At the request of both's family, I agreed to spare a few hours of my night time to fetch their family members who will be there at the hospital back to their home because they have no transportation to get home. I think that's not what I have to do but I did anyway, due to sympathy.
During my time at the hospital, I asked both of them on how the accident actually happened and if they saw the car stopped, in anticipation to turn into a right junction, with its signal flashing. The rider said there's 'probably' no signal while the passenger said he's not sure because he's at the back seat and therefore can't see what's in front of them. This statement must be taught by their relatives.. Trying to turn the blame on my uncle's driver?!
Maybe this sounds like terrible things to do, but I'm just trying to protect what's true according to my uncle's driver's statement. I recited their statement and said this "Okay your statement doesn't 'tick'. 1) You (the passenger) are much taller than you (the rider) so how can you not see what's in front? 2) Are you (the rider) sure that there's no signal? The sun is shining on your face and I checked, the signal still works. Tell me, how can a driver who never had summons like my uncle's 'forgot' to flash that working signal? 3) Perhaps the most inportant thing of all, you can't make police report because you (the rider) and I know what you don't have (driving licence)".
They were both silent and the passenger's sister and rider's mother asked me how the doctor report should sounds like. I suggested to them a short story and they obliged so as to not 'prolong' the story because they are at fault no matter how they put it (if they are trying to blame us). After a good few hours of waiting for the admission to be done, I sent both women home. Case closed.
Do I sound like a vile villain? I'm not trying to blame them. I even 'protected' them from giving the false statement that will no doubt leads to police investigation, which of course will mean more trouble to them. I also offered them one big relief - they don't have to pay us compensation for the damage on my uncle's company car. I really think that's reasonable enough.
The last few working hours (two, to be exact), my uncle's driver went to deliver the last batch of goods. Five minutes after he left, he returned, the car is badly dented and he told us a motorbike crashed onto it.
My uncle then 'dispatched' me to check and negotiate things out with the family of the two speed devils. At the clinic, one of the biker (the passenger of the bike) was said to have passed out and the rider has his small finger 'smashed', with some other small slashes here and there.
The family seems a bit upset and although no argument happened, I kept my uncle's driver aside so that things don't get too heated up. After a few words, I found out the rider has no licence. Of course you have to take advantage of that fact to protect yourself right? Also, it was their fault to overtake when the car in front of them is going into a right hand side junction with its signal already flashing.
At the request of both's family, I agreed to spare a few hours of my night time to fetch their family members who will be there at the hospital back to their home because they have no transportation to get home. I think that's not what I have to do but I did anyway, due to sympathy.
During my time at the hospital, I asked both of them on how the accident actually happened and if they saw the car stopped, in anticipation to turn into a right junction, with its signal flashing. The rider said there's 'probably' no signal while the passenger said he's not sure because he's at the back seat and therefore can't see what's in front of them. This statement must be taught by their relatives.. Trying to turn the blame on my uncle's driver?!
Maybe this sounds like terrible things to do, but I'm just trying to protect what's true according to my uncle's driver's statement. I recited their statement and said this "Okay your statement doesn't 'tick'. 1) You (the passenger) are much taller than you (the rider) so how can you not see what's in front? 2) Are you (the rider) sure that there's no signal? The sun is shining on your face and I checked, the signal still works. Tell me, how can a driver who never had summons like my uncle's 'forgot' to flash that working signal? 3) Perhaps the most inportant thing of all, you can't make police report because you (the rider) and I know what you don't have (driving licence)".
They were both silent and the passenger's sister and rider's mother asked me how the doctor report should sounds like. I suggested to them a short story and they obliged so as to not 'prolong' the story because they are at fault no matter how they put it (if they are trying to blame us). After a good few hours of waiting for the admission to be done, I sent both women home. Case closed.
Do I sound like a vile villain? I'm not trying to blame them. I even 'protected' them from giving the false statement that will no doubt leads to police investigation, which of course will mean more trouble to them. I also offered them one big relief - they don't have to pay us compensation for the damage on my uncle's company car. I really think that's reasonable enough.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Right or Wrong?
Have you ever did something and soon after, finding you asking yourself the question above? Must be so many times right? Unfortunately, there's no definite answer for that.
Yesterday, my aunt brought this story home. About a guy, and a woman, whose story is somewhat similar to mine and Michelle's. The difference is that the guy and the woman decided to 'keep it going'.
If you know me and Doris, you probably know the story. What happened then, I think I don't have to tell the story yet again. I just wonder what people think about such 'incident'?
My grandma and aunt were extremely expressive yesterday. "Why does the guy opted to ruin people's family?" is their main disgust. Who knows.. Maybe the guy approached the woman not realising she's married? If that's the case, the woman is the one to blame. In my and Michelle's case? I guess wrong timing is the problem.
I think Michelle and I'm not 100% innocent. It happened in an unfortunate window of time. But I never plan to ruin other's family. I did told her one wrong sentence that sounds like this - "This is your choice to make. The most important thing is that you won't regret it later". When I told her that, I don't know she's pregnant..
That's a big wrong sentence. When I found out she's pregnant, I changed my tone and told her "Divorce is out of option because you have to be resposible to your child". She probably felt betrayed because she misunderstood my first remarks.
At that time, when she told me her feelings, I do feel suprised. Should a married woman really say "I love you" to someone who is NOT her husband? Then I think, human have feelings. Being married doesn't mean a woman has become inhuman and thus lose all feelings. They still feel pain and love. But should this love reserved solely for her husband? Hmm.. Seems like, we can't blame Michelle.
It's easy to blame people right? But try and think, ask a few more logical questions, the situation changes quickly. Just like how I asked if Michelle, having married to another guy, should develop feelings for me? Then again, she's still a human who feels pain from her broken marriage and in an unfortunate turn of events, developed feelings for someone who talked to her, understanding and protective. We can't say she's abnormal now can we?
Okay, despite of my sentences above, I must clearly state this. Marriage comes with responsibility. You can argue and say break up line with your girl or boyfriend, but NEVER EVER simply say the divorce line after you are married. Think of the consequences before you finally decide on whether a divorce is really necessary before you say that line. If you found yourself falling for someone else, THINK and reconsider. Is that love, or a sudden rush of emotions before you act further. Be diligent, be RESPONSIBLE.
Anyway, Michelle took actions. Removing and blocking me out from both her Facebook account and life, it seems like she made the best choice. Ultimately, we walk on different path now. The question sometimes come to my mind. "How is she doing? Has 'taking the best action' led to her finally finding her 'happily ever after' part of life?". I hope so.
Yesterday, my aunt brought this story home. About a guy, and a woman, whose story is somewhat similar to mine and Michelle's. The difference is that the guy and the woman decided to 'keep it going'.
If you know me and Doris, you probably know the story. What happened then, I think I don't have to tell the story yet again. I just wonder what people think about such 'incident'?
My grandma and aunt were extremely expressive yesterday. "Why does the guy opted to ruin people's family?" is their main disgust. Who knows.. Maybe the guy approached the woman not realising she's married? If that's the case, the woman is the one to blame. In my and Michelle's case? I guess wrong timing is the problem.
I think Michelle and I'm not 100% innocent. It happened in an unfortunate window of time. But I never plan to ruin other's family. I did told her one wrong sentence that sounds like this - "This is your choice to make. The most important thing is that you won't regret it later". When I told her that, I don't know she's pregnant..
That's a big wrong sentence. When I found out she's pregnant, I changed my tone and told her "Divorce is out of option because you have to be resposible to your child". She probably felt betrayed because she misunderstood my first remarks.
At that time, when she told me her feelings, I do feel suprised. Should a married woman really say "I love you" to someone who is NOT her husband? Then I think, human have feelings. Being married doesn't mean a woman has become inhuman and thus lose all feelings. They still feel pain and love. But should this love reserved solely for her husband? Hmm.. Seems like, we can't blame Michelle.
It's easy to blame people right? But try and think, ask a few more logical questions, the situation changes quickly. Just like how I asked if Michelle, having married to another guy, should develop feelings for me? Then again, she's still a human who feels pain from her broken marriage and in an unfortunate turn of events, developed feelings for someone who talked to her, understanding and protective. We can't say she's abnormal now can we?
Okay, despite of my sentences above, I must clearly state this. Marriage comes with responsibility. You can argue and say break up line with your girl or boyfriend, but NEVER EVER simply say the divorce line after you are married. Think of the consequences before you finally decide on whether a divorce is really necessary before you say that line. If you found yourself falling for someone else, THINK and reconsider. Is that love, or a sudden rush of emotions before you act further. Be diligent, be RESPONSIBLE.
Anyway, Michelle took actions. Removing and blocking me out from both her Facebook account and life, it seems like she made the best choice. Ultimately, we walk on different path now. The question sometimes come to my mind. "How is she doing? Has 'taking the best action' led to her finally finding her 'happily ever after' part of life?". I hope so.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
R.I.P. Hamster!
Remember the four kittens I mentioned in one of my previous posts? Two went missing. One of them found dead, bitten by dogs, the other one was taken in by others, and the other two, stayed with me. All of them suffered from something called cat flu. Of the two that stay with me, one recovered and today, one died.
I don't know its cause of death. The flu, or it's injury? The little one (my sister named Hamster due to it's size) has an injury to its upper spine. Its head tilts a little more to the right. This injury has been there for quite a while and yet little Hamster survived until last night.
I know what it sounds like. I'm pretty sad with little Hamster's death because I'm the one who first saw it laying there, dead. The only kitten left, even played with little Hamster, not knowing its sister is dead.
For others, I don't know. But for me, it made me think about life. Witnessing many death makes me appreciate life of others. With my 'weakness', I don't think I'll be a good doctor because for me, witnessing death is a very painful experience. I can't see any life coming to an end, just like I can't see others in pain. Weak right?
Hmm.. What's next after death I wonder. In one way, I should be glad that little Hamster is no longer sick or in pain. So, is death a good thing? Sometimes you can't help but think death is actually a 'release' from sufferings. Do you believe in God and the saying "God loves you and one way He shows it, is by ending your suffering"? That makes death a 'gift'.
To be quite frank, I don't have much religion faith. That'd be why for me, death of others is a negative thing. To be more specific, a tragedy. Despite of that weakness, I think sometimes I'm a furious guy. Bad people dies prompt me to think "Serves him/her right!". Why? Is there any difference in lives' value? I don't know..
It made me wonder, what kind of person I am? I want to know but.. I'd better not think too much because I am afraid I'll be admitted into an asylum for getting sot for thinking too much.
I don't know its cause of death. The flu, or it's injury? The little one (my sister named Hamster due to it's size) has an injury to its upper spine. Its head tilts a little more to the right. This injury has been there for quite a while and yet little Hamster survived until last night.
I know what it sounds like. I'm pretty sad with little Hamster's death because I'm the one who first saw it laying there, dead. The only kitten left, even played with little Hamster, not knowing its sister is dead.
For others, I don't know. But for me, it made me think about life. Witnessing many death makes me appreciate life of others. With my 'weakness', I don't think I'll be a good doctor because for me, witnessing death is a very painful experience. I can't see any life coming to an end, just like I can't see others in pain. Weak right?
Hmm.. What's next after death I wonder. In one way, I should be glad that little Hamster is no longer sick or in pain. So, is death a good thing? Sometimes you can't help but think death is actually a 'release' from sufferings. Do you believe in God and the saying "God loves you and one way He shows it, is by ending your suffering"? That makes death a 'gift'.
To be quite frank, I don't have much religion faith. That'd be why for me, death of others is a negative thing. To be more specific, a tragedy. Despite of that weakness, I think sometimes I'm a furious guy. Bad people dies prompt me to think "Serves him/her right!". Why? Is there any difference in lives' value? I don't know..
It made me wonder, what kind of person I am? I want to know but.. I'd better not think too much because I am afraid I'll be admitted into an asylum for getting sot for thinking too much.
Apple vs. Samsung
Suddenly, I feel like expressing my thought and opinion on this case after reading the news on Apple's victory over Samsung in the court.
In my opinion, it's time for self-reflection. I mean for Samsung. I may sound like an Apple fanboy but no, I love Samsung. I just think it's time for Samsung to be 'independent'. Yes, I think Samsung has been riding on Apple's success.
From Samsung's Galaxy S II onwards, I can see Samsung trying to form their own identity. Prior to that, there's a Galaxy S. I don't think Galaxy S is really a 100% iPhone copy. But that doesn't mean I think Samsung is 100% innocent as well because Galaxy S is still a 95% iPhone 3GS copy. Any number over 50%, means a product is a copycat.
It's time for Samsung to lead Apple instead of 'following' them. Quit designing their smartphones to look like an iPhone, and quit using Android that's too iPhone-like. Of course quiting Android sounds like a too drastic measure. What I'm suggesting is for Samsung to cooperate with Google on a deeper level.
Imagine future Galaxy S sequels using rotate-to-zoom, spread-to-open new window, and so on. Apple sued Samsung for using slide-to-unlock. So what? Samsung already have the 'face unlock' feature. Just make it standard and Samsung would've been unique.
Samsung must find their own identity. Seriously, Samsung and Android can be special and unique if both Samsung and Google can find ideas to make themselves special. It's not an impossible task really. Looking beyond the easy way (taking iPhone's element into Samsung smartphones) is the key to that.
In my opinion, it's time for self-reflection. I mean for Samsung. I may sound like an Apple fanboy but no, I love Samsung. I just think it's time for Samsung to be 'independent'. Yes, I think Samsung has been riding on Apple's success.
From Samsung's Galaxy S II onwards, I can see Samsung trying to form their own identity. Prior to that, there's a Galaxy S. I don't think Galaxy S is really a 100% iPhone copy. But that doesn't mean I think Samsung is 100% innocent as well because Galaxy S is still a 95% iPhone 3GS copy. Any number over 50%, means a product is a copycat.
It's time for Samsung to lead Apple instead of 'following' them. Quit designing their smartphones to look like an iPhone, and quit using Android that's too iPhone-like. Of course quiting Android sounds like a too drastic measure. What I'm suggesting is for Samsung to cooperate with Google on a deeper level.
Imagine future Galaxy S sequels using rotate-to-zoom, spread-to-open new window, and so on. Apple sued Samsung for using slide-to-unlock. So what? Samsung already have the 'face unlock' feature. Just make it standard and Samsung would've been unique.
Samsung must find their own identity. Seriously, Samsung and Android can be special and unique if both Samsung and Google can find ideas to make themselves special. It's not an impossible task really. Looking beyond the easy way (taking iPhone's element into Samsung smartphones) is the key to that.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Disharmony
It happens again. In house war. It's no longer surprising to be honest. Everytime it happens, it's because of petty issues. Kind of frustrating this time around because I'm suffering from a migraine attack.
I tried so hard to keep everything intact. But too many time, 'crack' shows up and I have to repair them. I'm like glue, bonding everything together. To what extent I can keep doing this, I don't know but if things broke down too much and everytime it broke down it gets worse and harder to repair, it's time to throw it all away.
I love my grandma and grandpa but if they can't get along with my mother, I have no choice but to 'hand them over' to their sons. It sounds cruel. But is it not their sons' responsibility to take care of them? Furthermore, I'm all my mother have. For them, I'm not the only one they have so.. I have to leave them in their rightful place even if I hate to do it.
Problem is, my uncle is an a*shole. He wouldn't listen. He just pretends like this thing can still work if we try to live harmoniously. If my mother and grandparents can, they would have, a long time ago. How can he not see how broken up things are? He's just pretending because (I don't have to guess) deep down he knows his wife and my grandparents won't be able to get along well too. He just don't want to do what I'm doing now. He knows, if he takes my grandparents in, he will have to endure what I'm enduring now.
My other uncle? He should be able to take my grandparents in. But that is if he disagree with his wife. My aunt has openly stated "I can only help you (my grandparents) if you need transportations to places". Only fetch my grandparents when they need to go to the clinic? What is this?! It's a 'poisonous' statement.
How messed up. I don't like to say this but to put it in a bad way, "I'm actually picking up my uncles' shit". Their mess is my problem. Unbelievable. I have my own problem.. One of them is a problem called Suzanne. That alone is big enough and nobody can help me with it.
What should I do? I want to leave my grandparents in their rightful place but their rightful place is rejecting them. If I forced myself to leave them, they might end up not in the rightful place but the wrong place. That would be a bigger 'shit'.
I tried so hard to keep everything intact. But too many time, 'crack' shows up and I have to repair them. I'm like glue, bonding everything together. To what extent I can keep doing this, I don't know but if things broke down too much and everytime it broke down it gets worse and harder to repair, it's time to throw it all away.
I love my grandma and grandpa but if they can't get along with my mother, I have no choice but to 'hand them over' to their sons. It sounds cruel. But is it not their sons' responsibility to take care of them? Furthermore, I'm all my mother have. For them, I'm not the only one they have so.. I have to leave them in their rightful place even if I hate to do it.
Problem is, my uncle is an a*shole. He wouldn't listen. He just pretends like this thing can still work if we try to live harmoniously. If my mother and grandparents can, they would have, a long time ago. How can he not see how broken up things are? He's just pretending because (I don't have to guess) deep down he knows his wife and my grandparents won't be able to get along well too. He just don't want to do what I'm doing now. He knows, if he takes my grandparents in, he will have to endure what I'm enduring now.
My other uncle? He should be able to take my grandparents in. But that is if he disagree with his wife. My aunt has openly stated "I can only help you (my grandparents) if you need transportations to places". Only fetch my grandparents when they need to go to the clinic? What is this?! It's a 'poisonous' statement.
How messed up. I don't like to say this but to put it in a bad way, "I'm actually picking up my uncles' shit". Their mess is my problem. Unbelievable. I have my own problem.. One of them is a problem called Suzanne. That alone is big enough and nobody can help me with it.
What should I do? I want to leave my grandparents in their rightful place but their rightful place is rejecting them. If I forced myself to leave them, they might end up not in the rightful place but the wrong place. That would be a bigger 'shit'.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Going Home
Suddenly, I have an idea about a movie. If I have the chance to put it on screen, I'll call it 'Going Home'. But.. It's almost impossible to happen.. LOL..
So, I feel like telling the story here.
The story is about a twenty something soldier who received a release letter and is going home to meet his girlfriend after serving in the warzone for 12 months. On the way to a dispatch camp, the convoy suddenly went under heavy fire and everyone except for our hero survived the attack.
What happens next, is a 24 hours chronology telling us the story from two person's perspective; our hero and his girlfriend.
From our hero's side of the story, we see how he tried to reach the dispatch camp on foot, overcoming several attacks and how he escaped from an enemy camp after a two-hours long dramatic moments when he was captured in one of those attacks.
Near the end of the movie, our hero will be shot and passes out from his injury. From his dream, we will learn more about his relationship with his girlfriend in a 'flashback' manner. Our hero will then wake up in a hospital with his girlfriend at his side. His girlfriend and a visiting General will reveal to him how he survived and got home.
Next? Nothing.. The end.. I know it's not really a nice story. LOL.. I just want to show some human nature in the story. How the hero's diminishing hope to get home to his girlfriend is actually pushing him to go on, how the girlfriend's despair and pain were 'rewarded' with a safe return of the hero and how their own experience on their side of the story affects their relationship in the future.
So, I feel like telling the story here.
The story is about a twenty something soldier who received a release letter and is going home to meet his girlfriend after serving in the warzone for 12 months. On the way to a dispatch camp, the convoy suddenly went under heavy fire and everyone except for our hero survived the attack.
What happens next, is a 24 hours chronology telling us the story from two person's perspective; our hero and his girlfriend.
From our hero's side of the story, we see how he tried to reach the dispatch camp on foot, overcoming several attacks and how he escaped from an enemy camp after a two-hours long dramatic moments when he was captured in one of those attacks.
Near the end of the movie, our hero will be shot and passes out from his injury. From his dream, we will learn more about his relationship with his girlfriend in a 'flashback' manner. Our hero will then wake up in a hospital with his girlfriend at his side. His girlfriend and a visiting General will reveal to him how he survived and got home.
Next? Nothing.. The end.. I know it's not really a nice story. LOL.. I just want to show some human nature in the story. How the hero's diminishing hope to get home to his girlfriend is actually pushing him to go on, how the girlfriend's despair and pain were 'rewarded' with a safe return of the hero and how their own experience on their side of the story affects their relationship in the future.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Destroyer
I'm pretty upset. Yesterday, my grandpa tried to get rid of (give away) two kittens from our home. As bad luck would have it, they escaped. However, they have been missing ever since.
I'm not a guy who likes cat a lot. In fact, I hate them. But now, I'm concerned about that two kitten. They are sick (cat flu) and too young to survive by themselves. If they are still alive, they must be starving. They usually sleep with the other two litter, together to keep themselves warm. They must be feeling very cold last night..
I hope they are found and taken in by some decent people. Hope to find them has totally vanished. I hope they will get well soon, never starve or abused by anyone and never have to feel too cold from rain and hot from the sun. I hope they are together and not apart..
Seriously, after last night, I kind of wondered. Are we humans really that 'human'? I mean, we called caring behaviour of human, 'humanity'. We called it after us. Why? So that we can be proud?
I'm not that mad with my grandfather. It's probably just bad luck. But the more I think of it, we human acts and our error becomes the beginning of others' misery. Are we really that innocent? We tend to destroy others and even each other..
Update: One of the missing kitten is dead, attacked by dogs. I'm partially responsible because the house where it was attacked in, was supposed to be visited by me last night. I didn't.. If I had, I'd have saved them both. Now the other missing kitten was taken in by someone. Couldn't claim it back because my name is not written on its body. Damn it!
I'm not a guy who likes cat a lot. In fact, I hate them. But now, I'm concerned about that two kitten. They are sick (cat flu) and too young to survive by themselves. If they are still alive, they must be starving. They usually sleep with the other two litter, together to keep themselves warm. They must be feeling very cold last night..
I hope they are found and taken in by some decent people. Hope to find them has totally vanished. I hope they will get well soon, never starve or abused by anyone and never have to feel too cold from rain and hot from the sun. I hope they are together and not apart..
Seriously, after last night, I kind of wondered. Are we humans really that 'human'? I mean, we called caring behaviour of human, 'humanity'. We called it after us. Why? So that we can be proud?
I'm not that mad with my grandfather. It's probably just bad luck. But the more I think of it, we human acts and our error becomes the beginning of others' misery. Are we really that innocent? We tend to destroy others and even each other..
Update: One of the missing kitten is dead, attacked by dogs. I'm partially responsible because the house where it was attacked in, was supposed to be visited by me last night. I didn't.. If I had, I'd have saved them both. Now the other missing kitten was taken in by someone. Couldn't claim it back because my name is not written on its body. Damn it!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Amazingly Fast
Ever wonder how fast people can recover and date a new partner after they broke up with the last one? I can't say for sure but my cousin broke up with his ex three months ago and guess how long he has been dating the new one? Three months. Yes.. He started dating the new one as soon as he broke up with the last or.. Maybe has been dating this new one before he even broke up with the last.
Talk about fast huh? But his ex is also not bad. She's also started dating someone new. I don't know what happened between them. Not that I care. But yes I'm amazed. Spider-Man no longer amaze me as much. LOL..
The new girl is not as cute as the last one. This one look a bit more mature. Must be the professional type. She doesn't talk much and that's what makes my grandma unhappy. She said the girl should greet the elders. She might be too expressive there but she is right. You don't go to your friend's place and sit down, make yourself at home without greeting your friend's parents and any relatives he or she have at there, at that moment.
I haven't talk to her yet. I'm not the quick approaching "Hi, nice to meet you" kinda guy. Maybe in the chat, I will but real life.. No.. I don't talk that much. Even my closest friends never expect me to talk much. When I call someone out and say "Let's go for a drink", that doesn't mean we'll talk non-stop like a radio broadcast that has no 'Stop' button.
Okay, a little out of topic there but it happens sometimes..
Talk about fast huh? But his ex is also not bad. She's also started dating someone new. I don't know what happened between them. Not that I care. But yes I'm amazed. Spider-Man no longer amaze me as much. LOL..
The new girl is not as cute as the last one. This one look a bit more mature. Must be the professional type. She doesn't talk much and that's what makes my grandma unhappy. She said the girl should greet the elders. She might be too expressive there but she is right. You don't go to your friend's place and sit down, make yourself at home without greeting your friend's parents and any relatives he or she have at there, at that moment.
I haven't talk to her yet. I'm not the quick approaching "Hi, nice to meet you" kinda guy. Maybe in the chat, I will but real life.. No.. I don't talk that much. Even my closest friends never expect me to talk much. When I call someone out and say "Let's go for a drink", that doesn't mean we'll talk non-stop like a radio broadcast that has no 'Stop' button.
Okay, a little out of topic there but it happens sometimes..
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
I Need That..
I bet everyone has seen that beauty called Samsung Galaxy S III. It's a real beauty right? Well, like everyone, I want it! LOL.. I can't afford it though. That'd be why it's easier to dream than to achieve that dream. I am not a dreamer. If I start dreaming, I always make it comes true!
Okay, if it's something material, it's 'purchaseable' and if it's 'purchaseable', I'll just have to save enough cash to.. well.. purchase it. I need a part-time job. I originally thought about tutoring. But so far, I have no 'student' to tutor.. Bad news.. I'll have to try something else. Don't you worry, I'm not going to pull of some crazy stunts like bank robbing although I'm not someone who is afraid to do crazy things (like I did last time). LOL..
Anyway, that's not what I need. What I need now, is a so-very-basic-mobile-phone for communication. I want it cheap. I don't mind if it's basic to the core. It just have to be able to make and answer calls, and send and receive text messages. Camera is not needed because I have my SGSII for that. Radio? I don't listen to radio that much and I have my car radio for that. So.. It's pure phone I'm looking for now, to replace my Nokia. In case you forgot, it's the Nokia that went to 'swim' in the mud last weekend.
I need that crazy basic to the core phone so that I can start saving up as soon as possible for my SGSIII or maybe IV? Depends on how soon I can save up 2k. Damn.. I still need to pay my car insurance and roadtax. That two things are something I never have in my budget list before. I bought my car only so that I can finally meet Suzanne but uh.. It goes and reached this state.. I'm thinking about selling it and drive my uncle's company car instead because who else I'm going to fetch with it? There's that "You'll be my first car's first passenger" promise to it. Yeah.. Promise fulfilled so is the car still needed? Not very much because I'm going out less and less anyway. Hmm.. There's some memorial value to it so.. Might keep it after all.. All and all, I'm NOT selling my SGSII. There's some value to it too. You see, I'm such a sentimental guy. LOL..
Okay, if it's something material, it's 'purchaseable' and if it's 'purchaseable', I'll just have to save enough cash to.. well.. purchase it. I need a part-time job. I originally thought about tutoring. But so far, I have no 'student' to tutor.. Bad news.. I'll have to try something else. Don't you worry, I'm not going to pull of some crazy stunts like bank robbing although I'm not someone who is afraid to do crazy things (like I did last time). LOL..
Anyway, that's not what I need. What I need now, is a so-very-basic-mobile-phone for communication. I want it cheap. I don't mind if it's basic to the core. It just have to be able to make and answer calls, and send and receive text messages. Camera is not needed because I have my SGSII for that. Radio? I don't listen to radio that much and I have my car radio for that. So.. It's pure phone I'm looking for now, to replace my Nokia. In case you forgot, it's the Nokia that went to 'swim' in the mud last weekend.
I need that crazy basic to the core phone so that I can start saving up as soon as possible for my SGSIII or maybe IV? Depends on how soon I can save up 2k. Damn.. I still need to pay my car insurance and roadtax. That two things are something I never have in my budget list before. I bought my car only so that I can finally meet Suzanne but uh.. It goes and reached this state.. I'm thinking about selling it and drive my uncle's company car instead because who else I'm going to fetch with it? There's that "You'll be my first car's first passenger" promise to it. Yeah.. Promise fulfilled so is the car still needed? Not very much because I'm going out less and less anyway. Hmm.. There's some memorial value to it so.. Might keep it after all.. All and all, I'm NOT selling my SGSII. There's some value to it too. You see, I'm such a sentimental guy. LOL..
Saturday, August 11, 2012
101
Yup. That's the number of my posts. I won't say I'm an active blogger but I reached that (or should I say this?) milestone. Seriously, it did took me quite a while to reach this number. Since it's a special number, let this post be special too okay?
Let's see..
Okay I'm going to spoil myself and talk about myself this time. Basic informations can be obtained from my Blogger profile so do check that if you don't mind.
Ah damn! I want to share a little bit on what happened yesterday. Yesterday, I got trapped in a rural area again, because yet again, the muddy road 'held onto' my uncle's car's tyres. Sounds like a normal thing. When I tried to get into the car after checking the wheels, I had my phone in my hand, and I accidentally knocked my own hand (the hand I'm holding my phone with) and the phone.. Fell into the mud!! I threw out some curse of course. I said "Damn! When bad luck struck, anything can happen!!". A little word of note, that's my Nokia. If it's my SGSII, I'll probably went nuts.
Nice day. But enough about that.
Soon, I'll be an uncle myself. My sister is expecting her first baby and erm.. It's a baby boy! I know it's not my child so I have no input to give but I do hope it's a baby girl. LOL.. I don't know why I like baby girls more. Maybe it's because of the experience of having a little girl running around a Guardian store and grabbed my leg, mistooking me for her dad. LOL.. She's cute. Most probably, I have this opinion that boys are harder to 'handle'.
I wonder if I'll ever get married and have kids? I am not optimistic because you know, Suzanne became too special for me and we are in a limbo. I don't have bad feelings for her because she didn't make herself special for me that I can't shake her off. It's just.. She is, for me. I never met anyone like her before. I mean I always thought I'll be waiting for this or that girl because she is special and so on but after I met Suzanne, obviously I have finally found someone special. Whether or not I'm going to have a partner to share the rest of my life with, I don't know but with or without, that someone will always be Suzanne. She's eternal for me.
Okay, I like movies and I like sports. One film I'd love to get now is The Avengers. I'm waiting for its original DVD release. The Dark Knight Rises is another one but I suddenly lost interest in it because it is 'The End' for Batman. I mean Nolan's Batman. I somehow, heard so many ideas from fans regarding the story, the next step and so on. Many have said a reboot is not necessary because Nolan can be producing the next one if he doesn't want to direct it (like he always said). Also, many wanted to have Gordon-Levitt to be the next Batman based on how the movie ended. I love this idea. In the comics, many have became Batman and the person behind that cowl is not always Bruce Wayne.
One other movie I'd love to see is a 'real' Marvel Cinematic Universe. I mean previous ones were not the whole Marvel Universe. The real Marvel Universe is much larger than that but too bad, Marvel had X-Men sent to Fox, Spider-Man to Sony and the rest in Disney's portfolios. I wonder if these big studios are willing to band together and make one super grand Marvel Universe spin-off? Base story of this spin-off is in my head. If only I'm a script writer I might be able to amaze everyone. LOL..
So how goes? And I did used the word spin-off because all previous movies are too wide apart to be merged into one. So, I guess spin-off will do. My idea? Who cares? LOL.
Okay, time for lunch. Next post, coming soon.
Let's see..
Okay I'm going to spoil myself and talk about myself this time. Basic informations can be obtained from my Blogger profile so do check that if you don't mind.
Ah damn! I want to share a little bit on what happened yesterday. Yesterday, I got trapped in a rural area again, because yet again, the muddy road 'held onto' my uncle's car's tyres. Sounds like a normal thing. When I tried to get into the car after checking the wheels, I had my phone in my hand, and I accidentally knocked my own hand (the hand I'm holding my phone with) and the phone.. Fell into the mud!! I threw out some curse of course. I said "Damn! When bad luck struck, anything can happen!!". A little word of note, that's my Nokia. If it's my SGSII, I'll probably went nuts.
Nice day. But enough about that.
Soon, I'll be an uncle myself. My sister is expecting her first baby and erm.. It's a baby boy! I know it's not my child so I have no input to give but I do hope it's a baby girl. LOL.. I don't know why I like baby girls more. Maybe it's because of the experience of having a little girl running around a Guardian store and grabbed my leg, mistooking me for her dad. LOL.. She's cute. Most probably, I have this opinion that boys are harder to 'handle'.
I wonder if I'll ever get married and have kids? I am not optimistic because you know, Suzanne became too special for me and we are in a limbo. I don't have bad feelings for her because she didn't make herself special for me that I can't shake her off. It's just.. She is, for me. I never met anyone like her before. I mean I always thought I'll be waiting for this or that girl because she is special and so on but after I met Suzanne, obviously I have finally found someone special. Whether or not I'm going to have a partner to share the rest of my life with, I don't know but with or without, that someone will always be Suzanne. She's eternal for me.
Okay, I like movies and I like sports. One film I'd love to get now is The Avengers. I'm waiting for its original DVD release. The Dark Knight Rises is another one but I suddenly lost interest in it because it is 'The End' for Batman. I mean Nolan's Batman. I somehow, heard so many ideas from fans regarding the story, the next step and so on. Many have said a reboot is not necessary because Nolan can be producing the next one if he doesn't want to direct it (like he always said). Also, many wanted to have Gordon-Levitt to be the next Batman based on how the movie ended. I love this idea. In the comics, many have became Batman and the person behind that cowl is not always Bruce Wayne.
One other movie I'd love to see is a 'real' Marvel Cinematic Universe. I mean previous ones were not the whole Marvel Universe. The real Marvel Universe is much larger than that but too bad, Marvel had X-Men sent to Fox, Spider-Man to Sony and the rest in Disney's portfolios. I wonder if these big studios are willing to band together and make one super grand Marvel Universe spin-off? Base story of this spin-off is in my head. If only I'm a script writer I might be able to amaze everyone. LOL..
So how goes? And I did used the word spin-off because all previous movies are too wide apart to be merged into one. So, I guess spin-off will do. My idea? Who cares? LOL.
Okay, time for lunch. Next post, coming soon.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Crazy Stunts
Have you ever do things you never thought you'll be brave enough to do?
It had always been a problem for me to talk with adults regarding problems that needs solving. Why? Because for me, they never listen. They have this stubborn sticking-to-their-own-stand issue.
Today however, I did something just like that. I went straight up to an adult and told her about this 'problem' I have. She in turn, surprised me with a very open speech. It's almost serene. Nice. Maybe it's because of her job as a teacher.
Problem is not solved yet but she showed me how. My dear sister encouraged me to follow the path. It helps, when people show you the way and give you strength to go through it. Far from over, but I have found a way to start to solve this problem.
Sometimes you'll have to be crazy enough to be brave enough to do what you've always been scared to do, in order to find a solution.
It had always been a problem for me to talk with adults regarding problems that needs solving. Why? Because for me, they never listen. They have this stubborn sticking-to-their-own-stand issue.
Today however, I did something just like that. I went straight up to an adult and told her about this 'problem' I have. She in turn, surprised me with a very open speech. It's almost serene. Nice. Maybe it's because of her job as a teacher.
Problem is not solved yet but she showed me how. My dear sister encouraged me to follow the path. It helps, when people show you the way and give you strength to go through it. Far from over, but I have found a way to start to solve this problem.
Sometimes you'll have to be crazy enough to be brave enough to do what you've always been scared to do, in order to find a solution.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Reflection?
Maybe not as much and as often I dream about Suzanne, but recently, I had so many dreams regarding my working life. Also related, family issues.
In these dreams, most often I argue with my uncle. He belittles me and I state my dissatisfaction towards his words and actions. All my statements were made according to my real life feelings. Not weird right?
I kind of wonder what went wrong? I am unhappy with my work and the fact my family live with my uncle only make matters worse because people dislike each others yet they are living under one roof. How can it be peaceful if non-compatible elements were forcefully mixed up? For sure disharmony like this will be nothing but trouble.
I still have to think. My grandmother kept pleading to me, to stay so that she and my grandfather won't have to live with my uncle. Weird. I have too much burden to carry. Although I call them burden, I am not saying they are my dead weights. I am the one who is willing to carry them so I can't and don't blame anyone.
I am looking at every possibility on how to settle this complex problem in my life.
In these dreams, most often I argue with my uncle. He belittles me and I state my dissatisfaction towards his words and actions. All my statements were made according to my real life feelings. Not weird right?
I kind of wonder what went wrong? I am unhappy with my work and the fact my family live with my uncle only make matters worse because people dislike each others yet they are living under one roof. How can it be peaceful if non-compatible elements were forcefully mixed up? For sure disharmony like this will be nothing but trouble.
I still have to think. My grandmother kept pleading to me, to stay so that she and my grandfather won't have to live with my uncle. Weird. I have too much burden to carry. Although I call them burden, I am not saying they are my dead weights. I am the one who is willing to carry them so I can't and don't blame anyone.
I am looking at every possibility on how to settle this complex problem in my life.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Suzanne Chang VIII
Welcome to my rant space. You see Suzanne Chang VIII (8) but seriously, this is not the eighth post I have about her. There's much more. So, please don't be surprised. It actually became a norm.
Last night, I had another dream about her. I met her somewhere (I don't know where) and we acted like we don't know each other because that might be what she wants. I am just doing it (pretending I don't know her) so that she feels comfortable (although I am not).
Unable to keep pretending, I went to her and said "Sorry. I am not a good pretender. To pretend I don't know you or is no longer feeling anything for you is even much harder to do". Before she managed to do anything, I grabbed her hand and said "If this is the last you want it to be, then I want you to come and accompany me one last time".
She just went along on one condition "I want to be home before 8 P.M. because I want to watch a drama".
So, we spent some time together until it's 8.11 P.M. and a bunch of guys approached us. One of them grabbed Suzanne's hand and pulls her away. Needless to say, they are up to 'something'. Going crazy, I killed all four of them mercilessly. How, I forgot but it's just brutal.
I wonder what does the dream mean? I don't know. It's just obvious for me that Suzanne still is very important for me. I couldn't remove her from my mind no matter how busy I get and how tired I become. I don't know. I just want to love her and became the one she loves.
Today, I told sister what I thought. She didn't say anything, just asked "She matters that much?". For sure. I should be able to love someone else. I am a guy. What the Hell?! But I don't go on and love someone else. If you never met someone as love crazy as me, then you must be pleased to finally know you know one - me.
Last night, I had another dream about her. I met her somewhere (I don't know where) and we acted like we don't know each other because that might be what she wants. I am just doing it (pretending I don't know her) so that she feels comfortable (although I am not).
Unable to keep pretending, I went to her and said "Sorry. I am not a good pretender. To pretend I don't know you or is no longer feeling anything for you is even much harder to do". Before she managed to do anything, I grabbed her hand and said "If this is the last you want it to be, then I want you to come and accompany me one last time".
She just went along on one condition "I want to be home before 8 P.M. because I want to watch a drama".
So, we spent some time together until it's 8.11 P.M. and a bunch of guys approached us. One of them grabbed Suzanne's hand and pulls her away. Needless to say, they are up to 'something'. Going crazy, I killed all four of them mercilessly. How, I forgot but it's just brutal.
I wonder what does the dream mean? I don't know. It's just obvious for me that Suzanne still is very important for me. I couldn't remove her from my mind no matter how busy I get and how tired I become. I don't know. I just want to love her and became the one she loves.
Today, I told sister what I thought. She didn't say anything, just asked "She matters that much?". For sure. I should be able to love someone else. I am a guy. What the Hell?! But I don't go on and love someone else. If you never met someone as love crazy as me, then you must be pleased to finally know you know one - me.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Broken
Remember the girl I dated? Hmm.. We broke up. I mean we are no longer going out together. It seems like both she and myself can't put any effort into it to make it happen. Nevermind. It seems like both of us expected this.
I don't know about her. Most probably, it's due to her difficulty forgetting her ex who is now her 'kai gor'. I'm not surprised at all because just like her, I can't put someone aside. This it seems, is where we are broken.
Next up, I'm planning to find a part time job or should I say permanent side job? I have too many plan at the moment so I kind of have problem deciding which comes before which. The long term stuffs like business might come last after all because.. Well they still need some further planning.
Hmm.. I got myself signed up to many MLM business. I won't name them because I don't blame them for the investments on them that I lost. I just don't have that MLM spirit inside me. I also believe.. MLMs are not a sustainable business layout. Sure, products can be hotselling but those plans.. Are they sustainable? Nope. I don't see how they can be because.. Well, if I'm to elaborate, I'll talk non-stop so.. It just is (not sustainable), for me.
I still remember the last World Cup. Suzanne was chatting with me about it a lot. That made the last Euro so dull for me. I ended up watching not one single match (including England's). She is not the reason I love football in the first place but she definitely became the reason I lost interest in it.
I don't know about her. Most probably, it's due to her difficulty forgetting her ex who is now her 'kai gor'. I'm not surprised at all because just like her, I can't put someone aside. This it seems, is where we are broken.
Next up, I'm planning to find a part time job or should I say permanent side job? I have too many plan at the moment so I kind of have problem deciding which comes before which. The long term stuffs like business might come last after all because.. Well they still need some further planning.
Hmm.. I got myself signed up to many MLM business. I won't name them because I don't blame them for the investments on them that I lost. I just don't have that MLM spirit inside me. I also believe.. MLMs are not a sustainable business layout. Sure, products can be hotselling but those plans.. Are they sustainable? Nope. I don't see how they can be because.. Well, if I'm to elaborate, I'll talk non-stop so.. It just is (not sustainable), for me.
I still remember the last World Cup. Suzanne was chatting with me about it a lot. That made the last Euro so dull for me. I ended up watching not one single match (including England's). She is not the reason I love football in the first place but she definitely became the reason I lost interest in it.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Lee Yee's Marriage
Hey! Been a while since I last posted anything. I sure is going online less and less. People can see..
Last night, I attended Lee Yee and John's marriage banquet. There were many people there. In my whole life, attending anything any events that will drop me into a sea of people tend to become a nightmare. I never is a person who likes to be standing, sitting or just being around too many people.
So.. Last night, I drove Kelvin's dad, brother, sister in-law, and their kids to Cynthia Restaurant. Typical for kids, they ran around the hall happily as soon as we arrived and Kelvin's dad and brother were helping with seat organizing. That placed me and Kelvin's sister in-law in some awkward 'talk time' moments.
The first sentence that came out of her mouth was "When will it be your turn (to marry)?". LOL.. I just said "I have no idea but I will for sure, get many 'Angpau' from John and Lee Yee (Margareth) before I do". No.. I may sound like I am kidding but I am serious.
Second question was "So are you single or dating someone? If you are single, I can introduce you to my sister". My answer for that was "No, I am not dating anyone, I am single". She then asked me "How about the teacher (Suzanne)? She is good. You should be with her". Oops! I wondered how did she knew? Must be Kelvin's mum. Anyway, to that, I answered "She is my ex and since we get along good as friends even after we broke up due to differences, I wish to keep it that way". Honestly though, I do want to be with her. I just.. It's not something that will happen just because I want it to.. Suzanne must be okay with it too for it to happen and.. It doesn't look likely because Suzanne is still refusing to talk to me.
People are always eager to get answers right? So she went on and asked "Even as friends, you can bring her here?". And I answered "Nah.. She teaches at Kalabakan (a far and rural area)".
So, which and what is the true story? Suzanne is not my ex. I am just implying how close we were (we traded secrets and some sweet words. We also implied to each other we do share a mutual feelings.
By saying Suzanne is my ex, I am also giving a picture she and I am no longer in a romantic relationship. The truth? I am dating someone for 51 days now. Is this relationship a serious one? I don't know but it doesn't look like it will last because I can't love the girl I am dating. Why? I don't know but.. I keep thinking about Suzanne. I rejected many dating requests from her (the girl I am dating). Is she ugly? No! She is very pretty but.. Pretty doesn't mean anything now. I want Suzanne. Anyway, she and I agreed it's an open relationship. We will just 'wait and see' if it will develop. It doesn't look optimistic though.
I must also point out those dating I mentioned above aren't holding hands kind of dating. Just some meet up, drinking (yum cha) and talking. Nothing more..
Last but definitely not least, congratulations John and Margareth! May the two of you be blessed and live happily ever after!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Close, But No Cigar
It's been a while.. I really seldom blog nowadays. The idea to shut down this blog came to me but I feel like keeping it just so that if Suzanne is finally opening up, she'll come here and read this because this blog has become a dedication to her. Yes.. Seriously. I love her too much to shut this down.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
29
Before I start, I'd like to say this.. "Oops.. I am officially 29!". The set of numbers called 'age' is scary for many because they tell you your days are numbered. LOL
Hmm.. However, it really changes you. As if you realize your time is running out, you tend to appreciate things and people more. You also see things differently. More mature.
I don't really go and think about it until I began to wonder. What about love? Seriously, I no longer mind. After Suzanne, I really think love is more a 'snack', not some 'foods you need to survive'. Then again, I can say that because it's others and not Suzanne. If it's Suzanne I will without hesitation, be happy to accept.
I want to make money. And.. Who doesn't? If love is aside, family comes out on top. I got to give them a good life. In this materialistic world, money can't buy you everything but it can buy you a lot of things. Everybody agree..
I wonder if everyone still remember my previous 'grand plan'? I still have it and I still want to get it done.
As I began to think less, I also talk less. So.. I'll post again next time. Stay tuned..
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Time To Move
Today, I brought my grandma to a clinic because what started as painful fingers and eyelid turned into swollen ones. It's good that I did because the doctor said she has got infections in her fingers and eyelid. All it took was an injection to heal her.
While we were waiting for her medicines to be readied, Mr. Tham walked by the clinic and he saw me. He gave me the 'come here' hand gesture and I obliged.
Outside the clinic, he asked me about the vacancy he left for me. Hmm.. I remember I rejected it. Why still ask I wonder? Did he not get what I meant, or he is persistent?
Also, he asked me to help him seek a buyer for his Ford sedan. He asked me this favor way back too but I never found one for him. Not that I don't want to, but I can't. Today however, it came to me who can I promote this car to. So, again, I said "Okay".
Before we part way, he managed to brief me on his recent life. I just told him "Take it easy Mr. Tham. With age, comes the necessity to let go and relax". He smiled and nodded.
I kinda wonder if I should take his offer? I mean the job he offered me? Mr. Tham seems like very eager that I do. I mean it's only logic that he offers the vacancy to someone else after I rejected it. Why wait for me?
Regardless, I am thinking I should make more money and my other plan should be put into motion. If you have plan to do something, it's important to carry it out FAST because if you delay it, it's inevitable you'll get lazy or forgot to do it.
While we were waiting for her medicines to be readied, Mr. Tham walked by the clinic and he saw me. He gave me the 'come here' hand gesture and I obliged.
Outside the clinic, he asked me about the vacancy he left for me. Hmm.. I remember I rejected it. Why still ask I wonder? Did he not get what I meant, or he is persistent?
Also, he asked me to help him seek a buyer for his Ford sedan. He asked me this favor way back too but I never found one for him. Not that I don't want to, but I can't. Today however, it came to me who can I promote this car to. So, again, I said "Okay".
Before we part way, he managed to brief me on his recent life. I just told him "Take it easy Mr. Tham. With age, comes the necessity to let go and relax". He smiled and nodded.
I kinda wonder if I should take his offer? I mean the job he offered me? Mr. Tham seems like very eager that I do. I mean it's only logic that he offers the vacancy to someone else after I rejected it. Why wait for me?
Regardless, I am thinking I should make more money and my other plan should be put into motion. If you have plan to do something, it's important to carry it out FAST because if you delay it, it's inevitable you'll get lazy or forgot to do it.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
If It's True..
I had a dream earlier today. As soon as I woke up from it, I refused to go back to sleep. Because, I am afraid that if I do, I will have another dream and lost everything.
Anyway, this is a chronicle about that dream. I'll try as hard as I can, to remember and jot down every detail. Whenever I put [Pause: Note], it really actually meant I was thinking in real life (after I woke up) and it is not part of the dream.
So, the dream began with me, getting an SMS from Catherine. She said she missed me and wanted to meet because she has something 'very important' to tell me. Something called The Truth.
Time and place decided, I went to the place where I'm supposed to meet Catherine. I waited for a short few minutes, Catherine didn't shows up, but her boyfriend did. He told me "You shouldn't see and talk with her anymore" and left.
I'm very sad. Because she didn't shows up? Ya.. kinda like that. She's supposed to meet me and tell me something I really wanted to know. Or should I say I needed to know? The Truth? What truth?
I went to work (somewhere new) but I can't concentrate myself. I am just not there mentally although I am, physically. Near the end of the working day, a friend of mine asked me out. She said she knew what Catherine wanted to tell me and told me to come to a bar to meet her after work.
I went to the bar my colleague told me. There, someone passed me a note and told me to leave because my colleague won't make it. Another dead end..
The note the guy gave me says "Walk along and you'll see The Truth and find your true desires".
I went to work again the next day. However, the usual road I take was shut down due to a collapse. Redirected..
[Pause: Have you ever had a dream where you walk down a stair but suddenly the dream 'glitched' and you are then actually walking up instead?]
So, as I drove, the dream 'glitched' and the road ahead which seem normal just a few moments ago turned into a weird road. In the end? Dead end. I had to walk past the narrow alley..
The place is so unfamiliar so I ended up lost. The area I'm at at that moment looks like a port (so vast I can't see where the end is). As I walked further down, I reached a warehouse where a bunch of people (scientists in lab suits) walking around a weird building.
I managed to take a short glimpse into the inside of the 'lab' through the glass (glasses are everywhere, the building is basically a glass house). Inside the building, there's a very big, red, beating heart floating over an altar. Creepy huh?
Seeing the heart suddenly made me felt down. I wonder why I lose all the lead? I am so lost without any directions to find out what I really wanted. With a broken heart, I went home and began drinking and smoking non-stop. Over time, I began to hallucinate as I fall deeper into the direction-less state.
Suddenly my phone rang. The caller is someone named 'Suzanne-Chance'. I answered the call and turns out it's Suzanne. She said "You're at the deepest point one can fall into with only the smallest chance to recover. I won't let you fall further because falling slightly more, you're a goner. Come out. Walk out the door, I'll be there in a minute. I'll bring you back".
I did exactly what Suzanne told me to. I don't even have to wait, she's there when I went out the door. She's driving a red BMW. Wasting no time, I got into her car without her having to ask me to. And.. I saw it. It's the sweet face. The sweet face I missed so very much. Suzanne's hair is short again. Like the hairstyle she adopted when I first know her.
She smiled and asked "You like me the most in this hairstyle right?". Without having to stop and think, I said "Yes".
[Pause: Pretty certain huh?]
She's dressed up like a secondary school student. In the familiar pengawas' baju kurung minus the skirt, only the white top part of it. No nudity here because the white top part is long enough to cover her down to her knees.
"Do you know what my appearance like this meant?" she asked. I answered with a puzzled look and question "I'm back in time? Back to when you're you when you are in the secondary school?". She answered "No Louis. This is me, the way you want me to be. Seems like you forgot even what yourself want. Let me show you..".
She starts her car and began to drive me to a location she refuses to tell me where. Suddenly, I took a very quick peek under her pengawas dress by lowering my head and flipping it over.
Just as quick as I did it, I apologized by saying "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that". Suzanne smiled and said "It's okay Louis. That is the guys' urge. What you do and hear is what you'll learn, don't worry".
We finally reached the place she 'wants' me to go - her home. "Do you know why are you here Louis?". "Because you want me here?" I said foolishly. She again smiled and said "No Louis no.. Not me. It's you. You wanted to be here".
I finally remember. My SMSes for Suzanne and blog posts! I once scolded Suzanne and said "I will wait for the sweet girl I used to know, I know she's still there somewhere inside you". I also posted in one of my Suzanne series blog posts that "Suzanne's home is a familiar place I wanted to go but can't and not allowed to".
"Come in Louis.." she said and that brought me back from my deep thought. I then said "Yup. I have always wanted to do that too" as I walked up the stairs of her home for the first time. She smiled, sighed and said "You finally realize what you want ya? Good! There's more inside".
She then brought me into her room and said "So.. what else do you want? Now that you know, why don't you be the one to tell me?".
[Pause: I don't know if this is what I wanted subconsciusly? I have never entered any girl's bedroom anyway. Not even my exes']
I kissed her. After I did, she said "Oh.. I know all guys want to kiss the girl they love" to which I simply replied "Ya. Of course" to. I then went to bed with her. Kissed her on her forehead before I fell asleep with her tightly in my arms. I can somewhat hear it when she said "You wanted to hold me tight.." but I fell asleep without being able to reply to that.
When I 'woke up' the next day, Suzanne is gone. I then rampantly tried to find her. Somehow, instinctively, I went to the glasshouse lab where I saw the big red beating heart. There was a science presentation there. A scientist on stage said they are proud to present a new hope for heart transplant seeker because they are finally able to totally create a bio-heart.
To prove that the bio-heart works, they are going to transplant one into a 'volunteer'. They then presented the 'volunteer' who was Suzanne. I know what I want. Finally, I'm in Suzanne's heart. I want it to stay that way. So, I created a small explosion with some chemical to cause a chaos to fail the operation.
But the explosion caused more than that. A monster suddenly burst out from the ground and killed the scientist before growing slightly larger and opened its mouth from where multiple super-long-tongue-like tentacles came out and began to grab people to be consumed. As it eat, the monster grew larger and larger.
When the building can no longer support its size, I quickly grabbed the unconscious Suzanne and ran out from the lab. As soon as I stepped out, the whole building went down.
Too large to run from, the monster/demon flanked me with its tentacles and said "Her body is mine boy! My heart is supposed to be in there now. Give it back if you treasure your life!". Of course, Suzanne is now 'my life'. I want to treasure her..
Suddenly, a bright light came in and consumed everything. Suzanne and myself was wrapped in this bright light and a voice said "The truth Catherine was supposed to tell you is 'The human are born with a forgiving nature because their heart are. That will be why human pity strangers and forgive the one who hurts them even the deepest. No matter how angry a person gets, no matter how much they hate, they forgive. Their heart made them. That is the purpose of the heart'. Believe me because I am the one who made the heart that way".
[Pause: God? I never believe in God that much. But I want Suzanne to forgive me. Hence, I hope she is as forgiving as I dreamed she was (not mad although I peeked her down under). But I came to realize.. what I want is not necessarily what I get]
Anyway, this is a chronicle about that dream. I'll try as hard as I can, to remember and jot down every detail. Whenever I put [Pause: Note], it really actually meant I was thinking in real life (after I woke up) and it is not part of the dream.
So, the dream began with me, getting an SMS from Catherine. She said she missed me and wanted to meet because she has something 'very important' to tell me. Something called The Truth.
Time and place decided, I went to the place where I'm supposed to meet Catherine. I waited for a short few minutes, Catherine didn't shows up, but her boyfriend did. He told me "You shouldn't see and talk with her anymore" and left.
I'm very sad. Because she didn't shows up? Ya.. kinda like that. She's supposed to meet me and tell me something I really wanted to know. Or should I say I needed to know? The Truth? What truth?
I went to work (somewhere new) but I can't concentrate myself. I am just not there mentally although I am, physically. Near the end of the working day, a friend of mine asked me out. She said she knew what Catherine wanted to tell me and told me to come to a bar to meet her after work.
I went to the bar my colleague told me. There, someone passed me a note and told me to leave because my colleague won't make it. Another dead end..
The note the guy gave me says "Walk along and you'll see The Truth and find your true desires".
I went to work again the next day. However, the usual road I take was shut down due to a collapse. Redirected..
[Pause: Have you ever had a dream where you walk down a stair but suddenly the dream 'glitched' and you are then actually walking up instead?]
So, as I drove, the dream 'glitched' and the road ahead which seem normal just a few moments ago turned into a weird road. In the end? Dead end. I had to walk past the narrow alley..
The place is so unfamiliar so I ended up lost. The area I'm at at that moment looks like a port (so vast I can't see where the end is). As I walked further down, I reached a warehouse where a bunch of people (scientists in lab suits) walking around a weird building.
I managed to take a short glimpse into the inside of the 'lab' through the glass (glasses are everywhere, the building is basically a glass house). Inside the building, there's a very big, red, beating heart floating over an altar. Creepy huh?
Seeing the heart suddenly made me felt down. I wonder why I lose all the lead? I am so lost without any directions to find out what I really wanted. With a broken heart, I went home and began drinking and smoking non-stop. Over time, I began to hallucinate as I fall deeper into the direction-less state.
Suddenly my phone rang. The caller is someone named 'Suzanne-Chance'. I answered the call and turns out it's Suzanne. She said "You're at the deepest point one can fall into with only the smallest chance to recover. I won't let you fall further because falling slightly more, you're a goner. Come out. Walk out the door, I'll be there in a minute. I'll bring you back".
I did exactly what Suzanne told me to. I don't even have to wait, she's there when I went out the door. She's driving a red BMW. Wasting no time, I got into her car without her having to ask me to. And.. I saw it. It's the sweet face. The sweet face I missed so very much. Suzanne's hair is short again. Like the hairstyle she adopted when I first know her.
She smiled and asked "You like me the most in this hairstyle right?". Without having to stop and think, I said "Yes".
[Pause: Pretty certain huh?]
She's dressed up like a secondary school student. In the familiar pengawas' baju kurung minus the skirt, only the white top part of it. No nudity here because the white top part is long enough to cover her down to her knees.
"Do you know what my appearance like this meant?" she asked. I answered with a puzzled look and question "I'm back in time? Back to when you're you when you are in the secondary school?". She answered "No Louis. This is me, the way you want me to be. Seems like you forgot even what yourself want. Let me show you..".
She starts her car and began to drive me to a location she refuses to tell me where. Suddenly, I took a very quick peek under her pengawas dress by lowering my head and flipping it over.
Just as quick as I did it, I apologized by saying "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that". Suzanne smiled and said "It's okay Louis. That is the guys' urge. What you do and hear is what you'll learn, don't worry".
We finally reached the place she 'wants' me to go - her home. "Do you know why are you here Louis?". "Because you want me here?" I said foolishly. She again smiled and said "No Louis no.. Not me. It's you. You wanted to be here".
I finally remember. My SMSes for Suzanne and blog posts! I once scolded Suzanne and said "I will wait for the sweet girl I used to know, I know she's still there somewhere inside you". I also posted in one of my Suzanne series blog posts that "Suzanne's home is a familiar place I wanted to go but can't and not allowed to".
"Come in Louis.." she said and that brought me back from my deep thought. I then said "Yup. I have always wanted to do that too" as I walked up the stairs of her home for the first time. She smiled, sighed and said "You finally realize what you want ya? Good! There's more inside".
She then brought me into her room and said "So.. what else do you want? Now that you know, why don't you be the one to tell me?".
[Pause: I don't know if this is what I wanted subconsciusly? I have never entered any girl's bedroom anyway. Not even my exes']
I kissed her. After I did, she said "Oh.. I know all guys want to kiss the girl they love" to which I simply replied "Ya. Of course" to. I then went to bed with her. Kissed her on her forehead before I fell asleep with her tightly in my arms. I can somewhat hear it when she said "You wanted to hold me tight.." but I fell asleep without being able to reply to that.
When I 'woke up' the next day, Suzanne is gone. I then rampantly tried to find her. Somehow, instinctively, I went to the glasshouse lab where I saw the big red beating heart. There was a science presentation there. A scientist on stage said they are proud to present a new hope for heart transplant seeker because they are finally able to totally create a bio-heart.
To prove that the bio-heart works, they are going to transplant one into a 'volunteer'. They then presented the 'volunteer' who was Suzanne. I know what I want. Finally, I'm in Suzanne's heart. I want it to stay that way. So, I created a small explosion with some chemical to cause a chaos to fail the operation.
But the explosion caused more than that. A monster suddenly burst out from the ground and killed the scientist before growing slightly larger and opened its mouth from where multiple super-long-tongue-like tentacles came out and began to grab people to be consumed. As it eat, the monster grew larger and larger.
When the building can no longer support its size, I quickly grabbed the unconscious Suzanne and ran out from the lab. As soon as I stepped out, the whole building went down.
Too large to run from, the monster/demon flanked me with its tentacles and said "Her body is mine boy! My heart is supposed to be in there now. Give it back if you treasure your life!". Of course, Suzanne is now 'my life'. I want to treasure her..
Suddenly, a bright light came in and consumed everything. Suzanne and myself was wrapped in this bright light and a voice said "The truth Catherine was supposed to tell you is 'The human are born with a forgiving nature because their heart are. That will be why human pity strangers and forgive the one who hurts them even the deepest. No matter how angry a person gets, no matter how much they hate, they forgive. Their heart made them. That is the purpose of the heart'. Believe me because I am the one who made the heart that way".
[Pause: God? I never believe in God that much. But I want Suzanne to forgive me. Hence, I hope she is as forgiving as I dreamed she was (not mad although I peeked her down under). But I came to realize.. what I want is not necessarily what I get]
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Quick Post
Thought of dropping in and leave you a quick post. A short post to read. Temporary entertainment? Well, if you find it entertaining, it is..
Recently, I have been 'busy' playing this game called Avalon Wars. It's an Android app. Available for iPhone too. So, if you are interested, do check it out.
From Avalon Wars, came a girl called Gabby. That's her nick. She said she loves me! Woah! How come? She sent me three pictures and asked me for my Facebook. Of course I didn't give her.. everyone I added know I don't add people unless they are friends I know, or family. I called that a 'policy' and I said I won't drop this 'policy'.
Anyway, I found something interesting. This might not come in true but hey.. check this out.. a Samsung Galaxy S III concept!! Love it!
And I read some posts about 'Avengers versus Dark Knight Rises, which one will come out on top?'. Stupid argument I'd say. Why not watch both? I mean the viewers are the winners here! But I love Avengers more because five films lead to this one clash. Surely is a big deal. Dark Knight Rises has a high expectation to meet. Can Tom Hardy turn Bane into a villain, who is more terrifying than the late Heath Ledger's Joker? It's stupid to compare two person but Heath definitely has set the standard high for Tom to follow.
Last thing for this Quick Post. I just recovered from a bad flu. Not really totally recovered yet because I still can feel the 'jit'. You know, no appetite, feeling sleepy, tired and discomfort in the throat. The last one is the worst I have now. I hate it. Have difficulty to swallow food. Duh..
Recently, I have been 'busy' playing this game called Avalon Wars. It's an Android app. Available for iPhone too. So, if you are interested, do check it out.
From Avalon Wars, came a girl called Gabby. That's her nick. She said she loves me! Woah! How come? She sent me three pictures and asked me for my Facebook. Of course I didn't give her.. everyone I added know I don't add people unless they are friends I know, or family. I called that a 'policy' and I said I won't drop this 'policy'.
Anyway, I found something interesting. This might not come in true but hey.. check this out.. a Samsung Galaxy S III concept!! Love it!
And I read some posts about 'Avengers versus Dark Knight Rises, which one will come out on top?'. Stupid argument I'd say. Why not watch both? I mean the viewers are the winners here! But I love Avengers more because five films lead to this one clash. Surely is a big deal. Dark Knight Rises has a high expectation to meet. Can Tom Hardy turn Bane into a villain, who is more terrifying than the late Heath Ledger's Joker? It's stupid to compare two person but Heath definitely has set the standard high for Tom to follow.
Last thing for this Quick Post. I just recovered from a bad flu. Not really totally recovered yet because I still can feel the 'jit'. You know, no appetite, feeling sleepy, tired and discomfort in the throat. The last one is the worst I have now. I hate it. Have difficulty to swallow food. Duh..
Friday, February 17, 2012
Dream Within A Dream
How do you know if you are dreaming? I mean to be able to deduce you're awake in the real world when you are in fact dreaming. You see, sometimes a dream can feel so real you can't tell for sure. They are called lucid dreams.
Again, have you ever woke from a dream, only to realize you are still dreaming? In the film Inception, these are called a dream within a dream. In the more appropriate term, they are called 'False Awakening'.
Wonder why I asked that two question? I had a lucid dream last night and at the same time, I have the same false awakening I had a lot. Hmm.. the Penrose Steps are missing from my dream recently. Nevermind that, it's not pleasant anyway.
I think some of you've ever have one lucid dream and false awakening in another. So, maybe I don't have to tell you the difference between them right? I don't want to write a super long post so, check 'Lucid Dreams' and 'False Awakening' if you need some extra info.
'Woke Up' From My 'Work'
So, in my dream last night, I went to work as usual and while I am at it, my boss came and told me to pick someone up for him. I did that, and on my way back, someone called me. I answered the phone and suddenly, I woke up from my 'dream'. I said "Oh.. a false awakening. I wonder how many layers it's gonna have this time?
Yum Cha
I'm having a drink at Old Town White Coffee with my 'mei' Michelle when suddenly, she said "Kor, you know or not, you are dreaming and I want to say 'I love you'?". I guess that shocked me and I woke up again.
Real World?
My grandma woke me up and said "Hey, it's flooding. Go and get your car out from the garage!" and I quickly jumped off my bed, but as my feet touched the floor..
Okay, This Time It's Real
"Hey! It's flooding". Yup! sounds like a deja vu but it's actually a second false awakening, repeated for a second time, in a real awakening. Hearing that, I quickly get myself off my bed and 'save' my car.
That's all. Three layers altogether.. That's kinda deep.
Again, have you ever woke from a dream, only to realize you are still dreaming? In the film Inception, these are called a dream within a dream. In the more appropriate term, they are called 'False Awakening'.
Wonder why I asked that two question? I had a lucid dream last night and at the same time, I have the same false awakening I had a lot. Hmm.. the Penrose Steps are missing from my dream recently. Nevermind that, it's not pleasant anyway.
I think some of you've ever have one lucid dream and false awakening in another. So, maybe I don't have to tell you the difference between them right? I don't want to write a super long post so, check 'Lucid Dreams' and 'False Awakening' if you need some extra info.
'Woke Up' From My 'Work'
So, in my dream last night, I went to work as usual and while I am at it, my boss came and told me to pick someone up for him. I did that, and on my way back, someone called me. I answered the phone and suddenly, I woke up from my 'dream'. I said "Oh.. a false awakening. I wonder how many layers it's gonna have this time?
Yum Cha
I'm having a drink at Old Town White Coffee with my 'mei' Michelle when suddenly, she said "Kor, you know or not, you are dreaming and I want to say 'I love you'?". I guess that shocked me and I woke up again.
Real World?
My grandma woke me up and said "Hey, it's flooding. Go and get your car out from the garage!" and I quickly jumped off my bed, but as my feet touched the floor..
Okay, This Time It's Real
"Hey! It's flooding". Yup! sounds like a deja vu but it's actually a second false awakening, repeated for a second time, in a real awakening. Hearing that, I quickly get myself off my bed and 'save' my car.
That's all. Three layers altogether.. That's kinda deep.
Valentine's Special
It's been quite a while since I wanted to write this so I guess I'd better start writing about it before it fades away from my mind, on how and what to write.
So, I had this dream in which I went to an organised event with my sister and brother in-law. It's actually a simple event, where we were shown a bunch of short movies with moral teachings.
There, I saw a girl came in and I asked my sister "Do you know that girl?" and she said "Oh.. that's [she told me, but I forgot what's her name.. Don't matter though, I never met her and I doubt she really exists]".
The girl, came and sat next to me and did some funny things. LOL
She rested her left arm on my right hand and proclaimed "Oops! Sorry" several times. Also, she drank from my cup I placed on my right. Obviously, her cup is on her right hand cup holder too but she drinks from the cup on her left, which is my right.
After we are done watching those short movies, I went out with my sister and brother in-law to a bookstore. Strangely, I met the girl again. This time, we talked. As the girl and I go one way, my sister and brother in-law went their own way.
The girl then suddenly told me she is still single and I said "Oh? Will you be my girlfriend then?". She nodded and so, I held her hand.
Pretty weird dream really. Never happened before. Maybe despite of saying I have no desire to have a girlfriend because I don't need one, I actually wish to have one. Hmm..
So, I had this dream in which I went to an organised event with my sister and brother in-law. It's actually a simple event, where we were shown a bunch of short movies with moral teachings.
There, I saw a girl came in and I asked my sister "Do you know that girl?" and she said "Oh.. that's [she told me, but I forgot what's her name.. Don't matter though, I never met her and I doubt she really exists]".
The girl, came and sat next to me and did some funny things. LOL
She rested her left arm on my right hand and proclaimed "Oops! Sorry" several times. Also, she drank from my cup I placed on my right. Obviously, her cup is on her right hand cup holder too but she drinks from the cup on her left, which is my right.
After we are done watching those short movies, I went out with my sister and brother in-law to a bookstore. Strangely, I met the girl again. This time, we talked. As the girl and I go one way, my sister and brother in-law went their own way.
The girl then suddenly told me she is still single and I said "Oh? Will you be my girlfriend then?". She nodded and so, I held her hand.
Pretty weird dream really. Never happened before. Maybe despite of saying I have no desire to have a girlfriend because I don't need one, I actually wish to have one. Hmm..
Friday, February 10, 2012
Things From The Past
One out of many bad things people do is to misplace their stuffs. Happened to me today. I misplaced my Micro SD card, had to look for it for a good half an hour before I finally found it. You see, it's tiny and I obviously didn't put it back into its already micro container. Nice work!
Lucky thing, it was in my terribly 'aged' box file. It (the file box) 'aged' so great, I actually had to dispose of it. So, I went through everything I have in there. Some were obtained almost ten years ago. Let's see what I got there shall we?
Journal
Yup. You read that right and there is absolutely no typing error there. I really did keep and write in my journal. I stopped writing since.. 2003.
Reading it through, I found out the following facts. I first wrote to a pen pal nine years ago. That's when I got to know my first pen pal Pauline.
The second pen pal I knew and still know now (as a friend), is Catherine. One thing I forgot and realized only after I read my journal is I used to lie to Catherine about something. What's that? Er.. that is definitely a secret.
I am going to get rid of it. Of course, the reason I keep the journal in the first place is to keep some note to remind me about memories I'd like to remember always. But seems like most, if not all of them are no longer important and relevant. I still have those I'd really really want to keep, in my head. So those will suffice.
Bank Deposit slips
These were 'donations' I made years ago. Quite a lot. I am very noble.. I just realized that.. LOL
Letters
From Pauline, Catherine and other miscellaneous letters from others also. Read those from Pauline and Catherine.
According to Pauline, she likes to draw, watch anime and movies and musics. She drew a picture of me (by imagining how I may look like). Sweet little girl she was. She was eleven when she and I traded letters. Now, she is twenty.
Catherine said quite a lot. But as I read, I realized she is not that likable really. Somewhat 'emo' she was. The last letter she wrote to me, handed to me by herself was a letter dating 2004 when we broke up. She told me how depressed she was when I kept asking her to decide if she wants to pick me or Jeremiah.
A Broken Necklace
This one was given to Catherine. She returned it to me to repair but I never have the time to and after we broke up, it was stuck with me.
A Pair of Rings
'Engagement' rings for me and Catherine. Like the necklace, they were stuck with me after she and I broke up.
Secret
I got this one when I went to Sandakan for the first time. Given to me by Celine. She told me to keep it really well. I will return this to her. Or should I? She's married now. I don't think it is proper to give this back to her..
I am going to dispose of them.. I no longer need them anyway. In fact, I already burned those letters, journal and Bank Deposit slips. I am still wondering on how to dispose of the necklace, rings and secret item.
Lucky thing, it was in my terribly 'aged' box file. It (the file box) 'aged' so great, I actually had to dispose of it. So, I went through everything I have in there. Some were obtained almost ten years ago. Let's see what I got there shall we?
Journal
Yup. You read that right and there is absolutely no typing error there. I really did keep and write in my journal. I stopped writing since.. 2003.
Reading it through, I found out the following facts. I first wrote to a pen pal nine years ago. That's when I got to know my first pen pal Pauline.
The second pen pal I knew and still know now (as a friend), is Catherine. One thing I forgot and realized only after I read my journal is I used to lie to Catherine about something. What's that? Er.. that is definitely a secret.
I am going to get rid of it. Of course, the reason I keep the journal in the first place is to keep some note to remind me about memories I'd like to remember always. But seems like most, if not all of them are no longer important and relevant. I still have those I'd really really want to keep, in my head. So those will suffice.
Bank Deposit slips
These were 'donations' I made years ago. Quite a lot. I am very noble.. I just realized that.. LOL
Letters
From Pauline, Catherine and other miscellaneous letters from others also. Read those from Pauline and Catherine.
According to Pauline, she likes to draw, watch anime and movies and musics. She drew a picture of me (by imagining how I may look like). Sweet little girl she was. She was eleven when she and I traded letters. Now, she is twenty.
Catherine said quite a lot. But as I read, I realized she is not that likable really. Somewhat 'emo' she was. The last letter she wrote to me, handed to me by herself was a letter dating 2004 when we broke up. She told me how depressed she was when I kept asking her to decide if she wants to pick me or Jeremiah.
A Broken Necklace
This one was given to Catherine. She returned it to me to repair but I never have the time to and after we broke up, it was stuck with me.
A Pair of Rings
'Engagement' rings for me and Catherine. Like the necklace, they were stuck with me after she and I broke up.
Secret
I got this one when I went to Sandakan for the first time. Given to me by Celine. She told me to keep it really well. I will return this to her. Or should I? She's married now. I don't think it is proper to give this back to her..
I am going to dispose of them.. I no longer need them anyway. In fact, I already burned those letters, journal and Bank Deposit slips. I am still wondering on how to dispose of the necklace, rings and secret item.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Never Go To B1!
It's been quite a while since I last dreamed. And finally, I have one that I can share here under the label 'Dreams'.
I was walking in a shopping mall when suddenly, I walked out from the elevator on B1 floor. I guess that floor is a new one for some of you. It probably means 'Below 1'. It's under the ground floor.
Typical for a nightmare, there is no one on B1. I was alone. And the silence plus weird looking wall, ceiling and floor makes this floor an eerie looking place. It's like the fog world in Silent Hill minus the fog.
I tried to use the same elevator to get out from that place but it won't work. Seems like I have to take another elevator which according to the map on the wall, is located in the Security Staff Room and I must say it's a bit way too far under the circumstances I am in (being alone in an eerie place).
Doesn't seem like I have any choice because that is the only option I have. So I started to head to the Security Staff Room when suddenly, I felt like I was being followed by someone. I looked back and no one was there. It sure starts to scare me like Hell! I then started to walk faster and faster but suddenly someone hit me in the head with some kind of a stick and I passed out.
I came to and a girl was there looking at me. She apologized for hitting me and swore she is very sure she was being chased by someone. Freaked out, she picked up a piece of stick she found and hid behind a corner. When she swung, I became her victim.
From the map in my possession, it seems like the person who 'followed' me was her all along and the person 'chasing' her is actually me. Nice echo effect, that managed to fool two person like crap huh?
Explanation? Easy. She and I was walking alone, with a wall between us. So, I heard someone following me. I bet she thought someone is following her too. And like I said, I then started to walk faster and faster. That makes her feel like someone is chasing her. LOL
Now that there's a companion, I felt better. I am sure she did too as she talked non-stop as if she's very very glad I am there because she seems so calm although some lamp flickers suddenly.
Eventually, we reached the room we were searching for. As she's about to open the door, I held her hand and whispered "No! Listen!". There's a weird sound in the room. Something like someone is walking around in there, dragging something.
Not wishing to take any risk, I peeked through the key hole and there's not one but several humanoid walking around, dragging what looks like legs and hands of human! It sure shocked me like shit.
The girl asked me what did I saw but I am speechless so she took her turn and peeked. She gasped and those humanoid seem to have heard her and walked towards the door. She then quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me up, telling me in a panicked voice that those creatures are coming to get us.
She suggested that we split up and she will distract them for me but I am not allowing her to do that and with her hand in mine, I pulled her and we hid behind a counter next to the office while those creature took the other path. The girl and I then quickly sneaked into the room, locked the door just in case and head towards the elevator and headed out from that creepy 'world'.
Not really an extreme nightmare but it really freaked me out because I am really tired and having this fever only makes it worse.
I was walking in a shopping mall when suddenly, I walked out from the elevator on B1 floor. I guess that floor is a new one for some of you. It probably means 'Below 1'. It's under the ground floor.
Typical for a nightmare, there is no one on B1. I was alone. And the silence plus weird looking wall, ceiling and floor makes this floor an eerie looking place. It's like the fog world in Silent Hill minus the fog.
I tried to use the same elevator to get out from that place but it won't work. Seems like I have to take another elevator which according to the map on the wall, is located in the Security Staff Room and I must say it's a bit way too far under the circumstances I am in (being alone in an eerie place).
Doesn't seem like I have any choice because that is the only option I have. So I started to head to the Security Staff Room when suddenly, I felt like I was being followed by someone. I looked back and no one was there. It sure starts to scare me like Hell! I then started to walk faster and faster but suddenly someone hit me in the head with some kind of a stick and I passed out.
I came to and a girl was there looking at me. She apologized for hitting me and swore she is very sure she was being chased by someone. Freaked out, she picked up a piece of stick she found and hid behind a corner. When she swung, I became her victim.
From the map in my possession, it seems like the person who 'followed' me was her all along and the person 'chasing' her is actually me. Nice echo effect, that managed to fool two person like crap huh?
Explanation? Easy. She and I was walking alone, with a wall between us. So, I heard someone following me. I bet she thought someone is following her too. And like I said, I then started to walk faster and faster. That makes her feel like someone is chasing her. LOL
Now that there's a companion, I felt better. I am sure she did too as she talked non-stop as if she's very very glad I am there because she seems so calm although some lamp flickers suddenly.
Eventually, we reached the room we were searching for. As she's about to open the door, I held her hand and whispered "No! Listen!". There's a weird sound in the room. Something like someone is walking around in there, dragging something.
Not wishing to take any risk, I peeked through the key hole and there's not one but several humanoid walking around, dragging what looks like legs and hands of human! It sure shocked me like shit.
The girl asked me what did I saw but I am speechless so she took her turn and peeked. She gasped and those humanoid seem to have heard her and walked towards the door. She then quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me up, telling me in a panicked voice that those creatures are coming to get us.
She suggested that we split up and she will distract them for me but I am not allowing her to do that and with her hand in mine, I pulled her and we hid behind a counter next to the office while those creature took the other path. The girl and I then quickly sneaked into the room, locked the door just in case and head towards the elevator and headed out from that creepy 'world'.
Not really an extreme nightmare but it really freaked me out because I am really tired and having this fever only makes it worse.
Taking Too Long
I've been having this 'interview' for way too long now. Although the real interview is done way back, the hiring is not done yet. It began to tense me up.
Mr. Tham and I am having this on-off discussion all the time. When things seem to click, another "Let's see" is the conclusion of every meeting. What the Hell man?!
Getting tired about this whole 'big deal'. I mean if you want to hire me, 'thank you' will be what I am going to say. If you are not, then 'goodbye' is what you get. Simple and easy. No more "Let's see" for the next time. It's the final meeting between me and Mr. Tham about the whole hiring or not business.
Mr. Tham and I am having this on-off discussion all the time. When things seem to click, another "Let's see" is the conclusion of every meeting. What the Hell man?!
Getting tired about this whole 'big deal'. I mean if you want to hire me, 'thank you' will be what I am going to say. If you are not, then 'goodbye' is what you get. Simple and easy. No more "Let's see" for the next time. It's the final meeting between me and Mr. Tham about the whole hiring or not business.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Time To Let Go
Before I write my post, let's hear this out. Happy Chinese New Year! Yes, it's kinda late to wish people that because you can wish this in advance, but not belated right? Anyway, still that.. Gong Xi Fa Cai! LOL
For this CNY, I went out a lot, unlike previous years in which I spend most of my time at home, watching TV and DVDs or sleeping. So, I kinda met a lot of new people. It seems like this is a very special CNY for me indeed..
So.. everyone is very very happy! That's for sure. For festivals like this, everyone should. It seems like "Let's put down our worries and enjoy the holiday!" is everyone's common thought. Nice mood is in the air and everything is nice nice and nice. Everything is just sweet, people smiles and laugh.
I did something that should've made myself unhappy. And that something is sending Suzanne an SMS, wishing her Happy Chinese New Year. She didn't reply to my SMS. Yet I don't feel upset. Because at last, for me, I realized that the problem is not I am unworthy to be her friend but she is a loser who lost a good friend (me). I know, self praise that sounds like and self praise is no praise but what's important here is, I woke up.
This applies, my friends, to many other matters. Such as when someone you loved passed away. I know it's normal for you to be sad and heartbroken but please, don't be for too long. There has to be a point in which you should let yourself heal. That point of time, I call it "Time to let go".
For this CNY, I went out a lot, unlike previous years in which I spend most of my time at home, watching TV and DVDs or sleeping. So, I kinda met a lot of new people. It seems like this is a very special CNY for me indeed..
So.. everyone is very very happy! That's for sure. For festivals like this, everyone should. It seems like "Let's put down our worries and enjoy the holiday!" is everyone's common thought. Nice mood is in the air and everything is nice nice and nice. Everything is just sweet, people smiles and laugh.
I did something that should've made myself unhappy. And that something is sending Suzanne an SMS, wishing her Happy Chinese New Year. She didn't reply to my SMS. Yet I don't feel upset. Because at last, for me, I realized that the problem is not I am unworthy to be her friend but she is a loser who lost a good friend (me). I know, self praise that sounds like and self praise is no praise but what's important here is, I woke up.
This applies, my friends, to many other matters. Such as when someone you loved passed away. I know it's normal for you to be sad and heartbroken but please, don't be for too long. There has to be a point in which you should let yourself heal. That point of time, I call it "Time to let go".
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
What's New
Not many knows, but some do. I went to interviews, looking for new job. One in particular, is reeling me in. The boss, Mr. Tham seems to be very eager to get me on board. Don't really know why and what he sees in me that is so worthy, but I think he is more to desperate. Desperate to get rid of someone from his company. Hmm.. if that's the case, I gotta wonder why isn't he looking for someone who is more capable?
The day before yesterday, Catherine called me. I didn't get to answer it though. When I saw the notification of a missed call on my phone, I dialed to that number and I saw the name of the caller. Catherine. Somehow the call failed to connect so I just let it be.
Later that day, she sent me an SMS, telling me she's in Tawau and she wants to meet up. I then said I am busy and can't make it (I really was). Easy to guess, the next SMS from her said "Unless you don't want to meet me lo..". I then tell her it's alright, I'll meet her only to cancel the meet up in the last minute. That way, the SMS session can end.
Yesterday, I went to meet Mr. Tham. He told me he might sell his business away and asked if I'm interested. Misunderstood, I said I am. What I mean though, is I am interested with the post he offered me the other day. He then asked me how many shares I can buy from him. That's when I was like "Huh?".
After the meeting with Mr. Tham, I went to have my hair trimmed. For CNY of course. In the last minute, like usual. Something funny happened there. Agnes was having her hair dyed. I laughed actually and they asked me what's so funny. I told them I never saw her (Agnes) sitting still and have others do her hair. LOL
On my way back, Catherine called me again. She told me she is leaving for the airport soon. I.. I just want to be her friend. So, I told her there's always next time for a meet up.
Back home, I was having this ugly migraine. Had a nap before I even have my shower and dinner last night. It was then that I had a dream. I was on this long bridge and there's nothing in sight but the sea. Weird dream..
Woken up by my mum, I then went to have my shower and dinner. After that, I switched on the TV and guess what I watched? Supernatural! Somehow reminds me to last time when Suzanne used to tell me every Tuesday, whether Supernatural will be on air.
What happened between us I wonder? I don't understand. I wished her on her birthday. She didn't even bother to say thanks. Sure I am not wishing her for her thanks but to get nothing is a very sad thing. It's not like I am desperate for her to say something but not a word is really very very sad.
Mr. Tham did asked me personal stuffs. He clearly stated that he is not always business matter talker. I kinda understand. If it's all work and nothing casual, his blood pressure will shoot up faster than bullets. One part was triggered with a simple "Are you married?". I guess everyone here knows what I answered for that. Further questions were "Why not?", "Are you single?" and so on. You know, relationship related stuffs.
I won't say I have nobody in mind for that. It's just that it's not my priority. I don't think I can focus on relationship stuffs right now because it's just not the time for that yet. I have too many things in my mind now. If I am to work with Mr. Tham, I need to look for a place to stay because I can't travel back and forth between my place now and the office. It's too time and fuel consuming. There's also some financial calculation to be made.
Last but not least, CNY is here! Anyone here is done with their shopping yet? I am not. Obviously, I'll have to do some last minute shopping again. Probably this Friday. And I have to go hunt some foods, not clothes because I am done with clothes I think. I wonder if I can see 'her' again, this CNY? Hopefully..
The day before yesterday, Catherine called me. I didn't get to answer it though. When I saw the notification of a missed call on my phone, I dialed to that number and I saw the name of the caller. Catherine. Somehow the call failed to connect so I just let it be.
Later that day, she sent me an SMS, telling me she's in Tawau and she wants to meet up. I then said I am busy and can't make it (I really was). Easy to guess, the next SMS from her said "Unless you don't want to meet me lo..". I then tell her it's alright, I'll meet her only to cancel the meet up in the last minute. That way, the SMS session can end.
Yesterday, I went to meet Mr. Tham. He told me he might sell his business away and asked if I'm interested. Misunderstood, I said I am. What I mean though, is I am interested with the post he offered me the other day. He then asked me how many shares I can buy from him. That's when I was like "Huh?".
After the meeting with Mr. Tham, I went to have my hair trimmed. For CNY of course. In the last minute, like usual. Something funny happened there. Agnes was having her hair dyed. I laughed actually and they asked me what's so funny. I told them I never saw her (Agnes) sitting still and have others do her hair. LOL
On my way back, Catherine called me again. She told me she is leaving for the airport soon. I.. I just want to be her friend. So, I told her there's always next time for a meet up.
Back home, I was having this ugly migraine. Had a nap before I even have my shower and dinner last night. It was then that I had a dream. I was on this long bridge and there's nothing in sight but the sea. Weird dream..
Woken up by my mum, I then went to have my shower and dinner. After that, I switched on the TV and guess what I watched? Supernatural! Somehow reminds me to last time when Suzanne used to tell me every Tuesday, whether Supernatural will be on air.
What happened between us I wonder? I don't understand. I wished her on her birthday. She didn't even bother to say thanks. Sure I am not wishing her for her thanks but to get nothing is a very sad thing. It's not like I am desperate for her to say something but not a word is really very very sad.
Mr. Tham did asked me personal stuffs. He clearly stated that he is not always business matter talker. I kinda understand. If it's all work and nothing casual, his blood pressure will shoot up faster than bullets. One part was triggered with a simple "Are you married?". I guess everyone here knows what I answered for that. Further questions were "Why not?", "Are you single?" and so on. You know, relationship related stuffs.
I won't say I have nobody in mind for that. It's just that it's not my priority. I don't think I can focus on relationship stuffs right now because it's just not the time for that yet. I have too many things in my mind now. If I am to work with Mr. Tham, I need to look for a place to stay because I can't travel back and forth between my place now and the office. It's too time and fuel consuming. There's also some financial calculation to be made.
Last but not least, CNY is here! Anyone here is done with their shopping yet? I am not. Obviously, I'll have to do some last minute shopping again. Probably this Friday. And I have to go hunt some foods, not clothes because I am done with clothes I think. I wonder if I can see 'her' again, this CNY? Hopefully..
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Never 100%
Look at that! What a perfect number, 100%. We learned to understand that 100% means something that is 'complete'. If you're using it to label someone's life, that someone much be living a perfect life. Marvelous right? Nothing however, is 100%. It's always less than that. Even in product advertising, the number 100% is not allowed. Clorox says it kills up to 99.9% virus. Why does that small 0.1% count?
Someone said I am always down. I am kinda puzzled as to what she meant but I am glad she cares. LOL
She concluded that I am, because I sound like I am, in my blog. Which is here. Try and check my previous posts and see if you agree with her? But in case you are too lazy to read, I can tell you here yes I do sound like I am very down, absolutely sad. I am however, not that down. Not even that sad. I just tell bad stories more than I did the good one.
I am not 100%. Like Clorox, I am just not that. Maybe I am even further down than Clorox. 90% perhaps?
I'm a human being. I have my happy moments and memories and just like others, I do have sad ones of both too. I can be easy to get happy. Yup. Just like a small kid. Well, what I mean is I can be very easy to satisfy. I'm uh.. also hard to satisfy in some other matters.
Have you ever have this scratch somewhere on your body that you never know exists? Then, you go into the shower, you soap yourself all over then.. "Ouch!". Ya.. you then know you have it. It's just there even if you don't realize it is. I mean the scratch that should give you something called pain.
Like the example above, everyone has their own scratches. Somewhere. We will be happy and not know that we have to be bearing pain. But when something 'reminds' us that we should be feeling painful, we will feel it. That, is exactly what I meant. I am happy. But trigger that 'pain reminder button', and I will feel pain.
I'm absolutely fine I think. I'm just never 100% happy because I have 'scratches' all over. Who doesn't?
Someone said I am always down. I am kinda puzzled as to what she meant but I am glad she cares. LOL
She concluded that I am, because I sound like I am, in my blog. Which is here. Try and check my previous posts and see if you agree with her? But in case you are too lazy to read, I can tell you here yes I do sound like I am very down, absolutely sad. I am however, not that down. Not even that sad. I just tell bad stories more than I did the good one.
I am not 100%. Like Clorox, I am just not that. Maybe I am even further down than Clorox. 90% perhaps?
I'm a human being. I have my happy moments and memories and just like others, I do have sad ones of both too. I can be easy to get happy. Yup. Just like a small kid. Well, what I mean is I can be very easy to satisfy. I'm uh.. also hard to satisfy in some other matters.
Have you ever have this scratch somewhere on your body that you never know exists? Then, you go into the shower, you soap yourself all over then.. "Ouch!". Ya.. you then know you have it. It's just there even if you don't realize it is. I mean the scratch that should give you something called pain.
Like the example above, everyone has their own scratches. Somewhere. We will be happy and not know that we have to be bearing pain. But when something 'reminds' us that we should be feeling painful, we will feel it. That, is exactly what I meant. I am happy. But trigger that 'pain reminder button', and I will feel pain.
I'm absolutely fine I think. I'm just never 100% happy because I have 'scratches' all over. Who doesn't?
Friday, January 6, 2012
Family II
I'm supposed to be very busy today but I am not. That's how people get to sit down and talk. Traded some SMS with a friend today. The good reason to drop an old friend you can hardly meet and never talked to in years, some SMS? Personal problems.
I am not in a good condition to give people advice nowadays because I am not in a good state myself. But I tried to at least hear him out. As I did, I found out a few things. I rounded them up and I finally found a good advice for him.
What is for you, the most important thing in your life? When people ask you that, you tend to stop for a second and think. Do you know why do we have to think and not give that person asking us a direct answer? Yup. We never really think about it.
If you have been reading my last two post, you'll realize that for me, now, the most important thing in my life is my family. My 'mei' too. All of a sudden, family became that important for me? Shouldn't it be a lover? I mean I have been talking about Suzanne a lot didn't I? Yes, lover is important. They are what completes you. That's why you don't feel lonely when they are around. Back to the question, family didn't become important for me, suddenly. It has always been important for me. But something happened lately. It made me treasure family more than ever.
A week ago, one of my uncle's client met a traffic accident. She survived the accident, although not without a scratch. She woke up from a coma, lost her memories, and was seriously injured. Slight movement causes her excruciating pain and bleeding. However, she is getting better and her memory is coming back, which is the good part. Bad part? Her husband died.
Everyone (her neighbors) was worried and wonder how to reveal her husband's death to her. Of course. In her condition, how can she handle such shocking news? Eventually though, she had to know and someone has to tell her. When she got home, her cousin revealed that news to her. She broke down.
So, what do you think? Did she break down because of her own pain? Yes indeed but not the physical pain. It's there in you now is it? The idea? How important family is? You might lose them anytime, any moment. I don't hope you'll have to wake up from a coma but it's not only from coma. One day, you may wake up from a good night sleep only to get a news just as shocking. Losing a family member.
It happened many times before. I came back from school one day, and found out my father passed away. I came back from school, and found out my grandpa and grandma is rushing to visit a relative who fell from a lorry, one last time. These two are merely a few out of many others. I just couldn't remember them all. But all these bad news only lead to one reminder that rhymes with "Love your family".
Family, family, family. Sure, this applies to your lover as well. I didn't mean to say you should love your family more than you do for your lover. Just love them equally as much because they are your loved ones. They should be.
I am not in a good condition to give people advice nowadays because I am not in a good state myself. But I tried to at least hear him out. As I did, I found out a few things. I rounded them up and I finally found a good advice for him.
What is for you, the most important thing in your life? When people ask you that, you tend to stop for a second and think. Do you know why do we have to think and not give that person asking us a direct answer? Yup. We never really think about it.
If you have been reading my last two post, you'll realize that for me, now, the most important thing in my life is my family. My 'mei' too. All of a sudden, family became that important for me? Shouldn't it be a lover? I mean I have been talking about Suzanne a lot didn't I? Yes, lover is important. They are what completes you. That's why you don't feel lonely when they are around. Back to the question, family didn't become important for me, suddenly. It has always been important for me. But something happened lately. It made me treasure family more than ever.
A week ago, one of my uncle's client met a traffic accident. She survived the accident, although not without a scratch. She woke up from a coma, lost her memories, and was seriously injured. Slight movement causes her excruciating pain and bleeding. However, she is getting better and her memory is coming back, which is the good part. Bad part? Her husband died.
Everyone (her neighbors) was worried and wonder how to reveal her husband's death to her. Of course. In her condition, how can she handle such shocking news? Eventually though, she had to know and someone has to tell her. When she got home, her cousin revealed that news to her. She broke down.
So, what do you think? Did she break down because of her own pain? Yes indeed but not the physical pain. It's there in you now is it? The idea? How important family is? You might lose them anytime, any moment. I don't hope you'll have to wake up from a coma but it's not only from coma. One day, you may wake up from a good night sleep only to get a news just as shocking. Losing a family member.
It happened many times before. I came back from school one day, and found out my father passed away. I came back from school, and found out my grandpa and grandma is rushing to visit a relative who fell from a lorry, one last time. These two are merely a few out of many others. I just couldn't remember them all. But all these bad news only lead to one reminder that rhymes with "Love your family".
Family, family, family. Sure, this applies to your lover as well. I didn't mean to say you should love your family more than you do for your lover. Just love them equally as much because they are your loved ones. They should be.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Time for Some Love?
I read this blog post on Kyleen's blog. New year resolutions. One of many, is 'to find a partner'. Congratulations for having such thought Kyleen! LOL
But is it really that easy? To fall for someone and then to love that someone? Love is mysterious don't you think? It's like something you get when you least expect it but something you'll never find when you're looking for it. Well.. that is not always the case although that seems like it in most cases.
I tried to look for someone to love. I mean after Suzanne. Guess what happened? I found none. Actually, I found two 'prospects'. I thought I am interested. But very quickly, I found out number one don't really suit me. Number two has a boyfriend. Given I am not a person who give up easily, I should've insisted but I didn't. Very quickly, my interest in both 'prospects' is gone.
Two might not be a good number to be made a statistic report but for me, it seems like I am not ready to love anyone yet. Not in a lover way. Maybe it's due to my new found love for my 'mei' and family. So, to love and fall for someone need one more thing - readiness. If you are not ready, it just won't work.
Waiting for too long might not be a good idea though. Girls got 'snatched' away everyday. If I keep on waiting for the day I am finally ready without doing anything, I might find out I lost the chance in the end of it. So, maybe just get one girlfriend first, and love her later? LOL
They say there are more girls than guys in this world. To what ratio? Two to one? Maybe not that much but why is it still so hard to find a single and available girl? Obviously, lotsa guys out there is dating more than one girl! A good possibility to think about. Goodnight girls! Don't forget to investigate whether your boyfriend is dating anyone else tomorrow!
But is it really that easy? To fall for someone and then to love that someone? Love is mysterious don't you think? It's like something you get when you least expect it but something you'll never find when you're looking for it. Well.. that is not always the case although that seems like it in most cases.
I tried to look for someone to love. I mean after Suzanne. Guess what happened? I found none. Actually, I found two 'prospects'. I thought I am interested. But very quickly, I found out number one don't really suit me. Number two has a boyfriend. Given I am not a person who give up easily, I should've insisted but I didn't. Very quickly, my interest in both 'prospects' is gone.
Two might not be a good number to be made a statistic report but for me, it seems like I am not ready to love anyone yet. Not in a lover way. Maybe it's due to my new found love for my 'mei' and family. So, to love and fall for someone need one more thing - readiness. If you are not ready, it just won't work.
Waiting for too long might not be a good idea though. Girls got 'snatched' away everyday. If I keep on waiting for the day I am finally ready without doing anything, I might find out I lost the chance in the end of it. So, maybe just get one girlfriend first, and love her later? LOL
They say there are more girls than guys in this world. To what ratio? Two to one? Maybe not that much but why is it still so hard to find a single and available girl? Obviously, lotsa guys out there is dating more than one girl! A good possibility to think about. Goodnight girls! Don't forget to investigate whether your boyfriend is dating anyone else tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Family
I've been sitting here, logged in, typing, deleting, then typing, and then deleting again. I've been doing that for the last three hour and I can't even post anything. Pathetic..
New year resolution. Everyone is writing that. I wrote and deleted that. I want to write something different. Something I don't know what. Then something crossed my mind. What happened on new year day? Nothing special except for meeting my two beloved 'mei' that night.
I don't know how seriously some people take their 'kor', 'jie', 'mei' and 'di'. For me though, if I don't take them seriously, I just won't call them so. If I call them so, then they must be people I care like my real brothers and sisters. I call some people 'bro' though. That's a different thing. I call a lot of people (guys) 'bro'. 'Bro' ain't 'kor' or 'di' for me. It's just.. nothing..
It's odd though. I have been calling Michelle 'mei' since a long time ago. I lost count but I suppose it's been six or five years plus. Yet, I have only met her once. Yes, that one time is four days ago, on January 1st 2012. Another 'mei' I met that night is Apple. Michelle's biological sister. I 'adopted' her as my 'mei' not too long ago. I also previously have a 'mei' named Ivonne. But for some unknown reason, she no longer is (she removed my 'brother' title from her Facebook list of family).
Shocked you guys there huh? I knew and 'adopted' Michelle back when she's just a twelve-year-old girl. Now she is all grown up. Talk about how time flies.. it actually makes me feel like I watched my sister growing up. Nice feeling I'd say.
How many knows I had a 'jie' before this? She is gone though. I don't know how she is doing now, I don't know where she is and Hell, I don't even know how to reach her. Some people is just too good in leaving you without a word. I must admit, that's true because not once, not twice but thrice, I was left in that manner.
Now, my family is big enough. For now, I have only one more 'mei' spot to fill and I am leaving that spot to Michelle and Apple's youngest sister. When she is old enough to use Facebook, I will 'adopt' her. Of course, if ever Ivonne is feeling like coming back, she is more than welcome.
I'm going to pick a very well-known line from Fast Five to end my post tonight. "Money will come and go. We all know that. The most important thing in life will always be the people in this room, right here, right now (family). Salute mi familia". -Dom Toretto-
New year resolution. Everyone is writing that. I wrote and deleted that. I want to write something different. Something I don't know what. Then something crossed my mind. What happened on new year day? Nothing special except for meeting my two beloved 'mei' that night.
I don't know how seriously some people take their 'kor', 'jie', 'mei' and 'di'. For me though, if I don't take them seriously, I just won't call them so. If I call them so, then they must be people I care like my real brothers and sisters. I call some people 'bro' though. That's a different thing. I call a lot of people (guys) 'bro'. 'Bro' ain't 'kor' or 'di' for me. It's just.. nothing..
It's odd though. I have been calling Michelle 'mei' since a long time ago. I lost count but I suppose it's been six or five years plus. Yet, I have only met her once. Yes, that one time is four days ago, on January 1st 2012. Another 'mei' I met that night is Apple. Michelle's biological sister. I 'adopted' her as my 'mei' not too long ago. I also previously have a 'mei' named Ivonne. But for some unknown reason, she no longer is (she removed my 'brother' title from her Facebook list of family).
Shocked you guys there huh? I knew and 'adopted' Michelle back when she's just a twelve-year-old girl. Now she is all grown up. Talk about how time flies.. it actually makes me feel like I watched my sister growing up. Nice feeling I'd say.
How many knows I had a 'jie' before this? She is gone though. I don't know how she is doing now, I don't know where she is and Hell, I don't even know how to reach her. Some people is just too good in leaving you without a word. I must admit, that's true because not once, not twice but thrice, I was left in that manner.
Now, my family is big enough. For now, I have only one more 'mei' spot to fill and I am leaving that spot to Michelle and Apple's youngest sister. When she is old enough to use Facebook, I will 'adopt' her. Of course, if ever Ivonne is feeling like coming back, she is more than welcome.
I'm going to pick a very well-known line from Fast Five to end my post tonight. "Money will come and go. We all know that. The most important thing in life will always be the people in this room, right here, right now (family). Salute mi familia". -Dom Toretto-
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