It's hard to believe that it's been two weeks since we lost our little boy. On that Tuesday night, I went to bed around 8...no problems....around 9 or so I started to have some pain, not bad though. By 10:30 I told Matt I probably should call the doctor. I talked to him shortly after and he said to go on to the ER to get checked out. By the time we got in the car, I knew I was having contractions. They were about 2-3 minutes apart. When we got to the ER, we had to wait for a little while. I threw up twice while waiting and the contractions were very close together and very painful. Finally, the nurse came to get me - I had been getting sick in the bathroom and then couldn't really move so she grabbed me a wheelchair. She wheeled me into the ER and took my blood pressure. While she went to get something, I told Matt that I heard/felt a pop and thought my water broke (it did not). He got the nurse - she told me to move to the triage bed. I stood up and our precious baby boy "fell out". I told the nurse, "I just had my baby." She told me to sit down and I told her no and repeated myself. She got a doctor and sure enough, little Levi had slid out, still in his amniotic sac. They moved me down the hall, while I cried for my baby. While we waited for the OB doctor to come, they brought Levi to us. They had left him in his little sac and placed him in a pink hospital bucket. He was the most beautiful little boy - he was perfect in every way - 10 fingers and toes, eyes, nose, ears...just precious. The chaplain prayed with us and then they wheeled me down to Labor and Delivery to undergo a D & C to remove the placenta. That was the most heartbreaking day of my life. God has given us tremendous peace and strength in the days that have passed. There have also been so many blessings along the way.Just a few....
With Lydia, our first ultrasound was not until 18 weeks. With Levi, we had one at 8 weeks and then another at 13 weeks. At the last ultrasound, we were told he was a little boy. We decided on his name, Levi Elijah Elgin. God allowed us to form a bond with our precious little boy early on. God also allowed us to see Levi, peaceful and perfect - what a blessing!! Since that day, there has been a tremendous outpouring of love and support from friends and our church family. We had a memorial service the Saturday after we lost Levi. It was a precious time of remembering our little boy and resting in the knowledge that God is in control.
I have since wished that we had taken a picture of Levi, but think God has given me a more beautiful picture in my mind than I would have in a picture.
Yesterday, Matt and I went to the doctor for our follow-up visit. He told us that everything looked normal. He said that baby Levi probably had a chromosomal problem that would have resulted in multiple physical and mental problems. From what I've read, a baby will grow and develop until the problem won't allow any further growth. The doctor said there was no indication that there would be any future concerns if/when we want to grow our family again.
Another blessing....I was very nervous and anxious about our appt. and sitting in the waiting room where I had just a few weeks ago held new sonogram pictures of our little baby. We happened to be the first appt. after lunch and were the only ones in the waiting room. God gave me an incredible peace and calm after our appointment. I know our little boy is healed and perfect in his heavenly home.
In my journal the day before we lost Levi, I wrote, "God continues to bless us richly." I am resting knowing that that is as true today as it was the day I wrote it.
I still miss my precious little boy, but have a peace knowing that God had his days numbered before we even thought of him. God is sovereign and God IS good!!!!
"He gives and takes away...Blessed be His name!"
