because it was done.

'i know you're thinking that it's going to happen again. i promise you, it won't.'

there i was.
pacing slowly in the comfort of my own solitude with my hands tucked into the pockets of my shorts. inhaling the petrichor, staring blankly into the sky and being marveled by it as always. it had been a while since i had a walk to myself, not because i forgot the beauty of silence and being one with my own mind without distractions. or because i've been blessed with special company lately. i just haven't had the time, i suppose.


i walked right past a young man who was walking in the opposite direction as me.
he too, was alone.


it made me wonder if he'd felt equally as comfortable with his state of reclusiveness the way i did. and if he wasn't, whether he wondered if i'd felt equally as lonely as he did. and if he was, whether he believed in the idea that people can understand each other without knowing each other the way i did. that there lies an invisible string that attaches all our souls together. simply because we are human.


or maybe all he was thinking about was going home to eat his dinner.


Sides- Justin Vernon

I keep on thinking on the resplendence that would be if the sky that sheath us were a conflation of emeralds and diamonds of aurulent, celadon, topaz, mazarine and viridian. and our lands had more grass and soil instead of  mundane tar and street lights and geometrical buildings. and music filled the earth, soaking into the brown soil like rain drops that fall every now and then. and people would be dressed in clothes as they wished, dancing around barefoot as their heads permeate with constant evanescence of sound and tranquility. what a wonderful world that would be. 

I believe a time like that had existed before this. 

I do.

Hideaway- Karen O and the Kids

because happiness hit me like a train on a track.

today more like yesterday since it's already past midnight marks the final assignment submission in my first semester and first year of Psychology. i mean srsly la, if people think buku skrap projects in secondary were a pain, imagine reading through countless multi-paged, English-terlalu-powderful science journals and citing them in the most particularly specific format that ever existed. k maybe i'm exaggerating the difficulty of Psychology assignments but this is my blog and i shall write as thee wishes.

and speaking of my current happenings as a Psychology student, i don't think i mentioned here yet that I will actually be changing course starting next month in a somewhat new college. no, there is no hint of sarcasm in that. 

of that, i will write another day.

as for today,
the first day of the last month of the year,

i'd stumbled across a new found joy;

gift/present shopping for people.

being the average kiasu who remembers every living soul that owes me money, it's obvious that i like to simpan duit. and thus, the assumption that i would loathe spending even the smallest dime on buying presents for other people is accurate. funnily, i actually enjoy shopping for presents. the mildly heightened anxiousness of deciding whether to buy the fuchsia sweater or the white striped tank top, the scanning of the most suitable gift for that special friend, the calling and texting of other friends to ask for opinions and feedback. call me a simple girl to please, but the entire process just makes me happy! 

'you should consider being a hired personal shopper'

-le mom 

despite the crap of being stuck in jam for approximately three hours with a hungry stomach after dance practice, today was actually not bad lah. i've been having a string of good days and i should be thankful. i am thankful.


on a more personal note...

because i'm thankful.

  

unless you follow/lifelessly stalk oh come on; you know you're part of he latter my Twitter and/or Tumblr, you wouldn't have seen these unshameful self shots of yours truly. then again, i realize that this dusty ol' blog of mine has been lacking colour and imagery and more so filled with ramblings and texts and things that happen to be in my mind at 2a.m., like this very instant. so hey hey, how bout some pictures of me in sarees for a change?

as of right now, it's some minutes past noon in the U.S and it's Thanksgiving today! 

k not like any of us here celebrates & the first thing that comes to my mind when i mention Thanksgiving is Joey wearing his loose trousers and Monica dancing with the turkey on her head BUT STILL

I figured that I'd write out several things that I'm thankful and grateful for, just because. I mean, nothing is better than forgetting about your daily pains and burdens and counting your blessings, ay?

JuYi's Reasons To Be Thankful, November 2011

#1 that Sri Rampai has a pasar malam.
people who are not pasar malam-goers do not understand the gravity of importance of this once-a-week procession that causes the most annoying jams and leaves the roads piled in heaps of rubbish. it's somewhat like a tradition, you know? the pasar malam in my area has been a part of me and most of my friends' lives since I was 11 and from that, most of the Thursdays of my life have etched memories in them. memories of which i can still recall and treasure dearly.

so yes.
i'm thankful that I got to go to pasar malam again today after its long-dreaded absence for about two months. i'm happy that I got to eat Uncle Bob's fried chicken, a slice of chocolate cake, an apam balik, a honey-glazed mayonnaise sausage and the best strawberry and green apple flavoured popcorn I'd ever tried.


#2 friends who are still around.
of course, I can't go to pasar malam alone well actually I can without sharing them food with someone, can I? to sum it up, i'm just thankful that I have a great set of friends who are thankfully, still my friends after all these years of intertwined miscommunications and vendettas that could've ripped us apart.


#3 friends like Nicole!
Nicole Ann Lim Jin-Ni is one of the greatest people I'd had the pleasure to know and I love her. cheese alert: it gives me honour to call her one of my best friends. i tend to feel like i take her for granted because she always gives her work 300% while i struggle to fork out an 80%. i'm just glad that we were both partners for one of our assignments and we managed to complete it a day before the due date and without any form of conflict.


#4 friends who are getting better.
for the two Ms in my life;
i know you both are still struggling to wake up to this new fact that you have to tell yourself every day. perhaps i don't know what it feels like. but i want you to know that it gets better and it really will be, okay. trust me. just keep fighting the currents of negativity and push yourself over the water surface. the tides will reside. trust me.


#5 opportunities.
lately, I'd been called to replace a few of my friends as dance instructors at their designated dance classes. I never saw myself as good in the first place so the fact that I am trusted with such responsibility even if it is just teaching a bunch of hyperactive kids just... GAH, I JUST FEEL SO NAISE <3 of course, no one's forgetting the pay that i get as well.


#6 happy days.
they say the strongest people fall the hardest.


i'd been heavily down in the past weeks for human reasons that most humans wouldn't understand anyway. i was facing a lot of emotional turmoils that really wore me out and took a toll on my daily responsibilities. then one day, I woke up with a resurgence of energy and spirit. I just felt... free again. renewed, refreshed and rebound. and in my head, the words panned out like the entree to a black and white movie;

you are greater.

He is greater. 

we all have moments when we feel that life is simply not worth living; that all the pain and complications it brings is just not worth the effort and time. i know i did. and i know that is of utmost difficulty to pick yourself up off the ground, with or without a helping hand. it's shit hard. but once you see past your mountains of troubles, you'll see that light. and that light will guide you. and you will be greater than you ever thought you were capable of being.

forget seizing the day.

seize eternity.

Hysterics- Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

one of my sister's friends is sitting on the couch of my living room and from what my sister has told me, she's been crying about her ex who broke up with her five months ago.


right now, all i'm hearing is;


'but he is the best for me',
'i don't know what to do already',
'i don't think i can find anyone else' and it goes on and on and on....


what i really want to do, other than creep up to my bedroom to watch The Tracey Fragments, is to slap her so hard.

ughh, wake up, you beautiful human being! 

your beauty on the inside reflects your beauty on the outside and that is RARE today, okay? if a guy decides to give up on your relationship because of the petty reason that your parents don't approve of him, then he would NOT stay for when bigger tides sweep in. and if his feelings for you can fade away from giving up on your relationship for a reason like that, then that is NOT called love.

in fact, love? what is that, really?  

Chinese- Lily Allen

because we're all Jennifers.

i think everyone's pretty accustomed with my never-ending ramblings of how i'm never happy with the way I am. yes, i'm one of those girls who complains about having big hips, and yet, stuffs fried chicken into her face while complaining about it. i don't see myself the way others see me, i just see a really distorted image in the mirror and sometimes, i wish i had been born as Melanie Iglesias instead. actually no, i'd rather be Minka Kelly.

oh lovely lovely Minka.....

well MY POINT IS,

i think it's very hard to tolerate people like me. yes, i am in self-criticizing mode. but seriously, i am. with what is said about me, i know that i'm very lucky to be blessed with height, good hair and an alright face. but thing is, i always feel more like Courtney Cox than Jennifer Aniston most of the time. it's because I know that I have friends who will always be more attractive, more beautiful, more funny and more outstanding to me. so i end up feeling very... in-the-background. no, it won't take a total toll on my self-esteem but it does make me feel like i'm just not good enough. 

then again, i know people who feel more like Courtney Cox and look at me like i'm Jennifer Aniston very inaccurate comparison, i know. shameless self-appraisal alert: i know that i have friends who see me as the friend who always out stands everybody else, the friend who gets the most attention in the group and perhaps, the more attractive friend in the bunch. the smart friend, the funny friend... 

PLEASE note that this is not what I think of myself ah.

i'm just putting down random mentionings into black and white. 

if you think otherwise, don't hesitate to trash me. se-to the-rious.

hell i'm not even that funny to begin with. lets not even go into the IQ dept 

and then i too, know how it takes a toll on their self-esteem. you think i don't know? i know how it makes you feel. because believe it or not, I feel it too. you know why? coz every Jennifer Aniston always has an Angelina Jolie around. 

no matter how unhappy we are when we compare ourselves with people we know, we need to remember that they don't always feel like they're the best in the league. there's always going to be someone better looking, someone who's got cooler and funnier stories, some MENSA kid waiting to prove that your friend's perhaps not that smart after all; there's always gonna be an Angelina Jolie who will make Jennifer Aniston feel like her blue-jewel eyes and bronze-and-toned body is nothing compared to the ethereal beauty of the woman who stole her husband. 

sorry ah, I GO DOWN WITH TEAM ANISTON FOREVAHHH~

so maybe we just need to... i don't know, accept ourselves more.

because there's no one else who's going to be our versions of us anyway. 

Paradise- Coldplay

remember that time when I was so sure that I would be doing journalism as my career?

because this is a place where I don't feel alone

21st January, 2011

out in the garden where we planted the seeds

there's a tree as old as me...

I stare outside the ridget, unstable train.
I look at red-roofed houses and plain fields, a shade of greenish grey.
the sky has had a long day; its body cold & sweaty with light drizzle.


I could've went back to college to take the LRT.
but i decided to take the monorail home.


I think I just want more time away.
away from people, away from everything that usually surrounds me.


running; I cannot express how much it saves me.
because when I run, it feels like nothing in the world can hold me back. I can let go of all the things that weigh me down. they fade away with the winds that try to defeat me. they just go away.


the same way I stare into the clouds.
as The Cinematic Orchestra provides the music for that plays in the solitary background of the messy thoughts in my head, everything falls into place & everything feels alright. they transform into wisps of imaginary puzzle pieces fitting perfectly into the quiet gaps of the faded white clouds, the somber tint of orange in the sky, in the wise trees that seem to watch me from afar, almost as if they know me, & they notice me.


& maybe they do.
maybe I'm just like one of those girls to them; one of those people who can relate to them & notice their lengthy barks, twigs, branches and yellow leaves.

there is a tree as old as me.

Xanax- Maria Taylor

just because.

"there are two ways to look at life.


actually, that's not accurate. I suppose there are thousands of ways to look at life. But I tend to dwell on two of them. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it.


There are many mornings when I feel certain that the first perspective is irrefutably true; I wake up, I feel the inescapable oppression of the sunlight pouring through my bedroom window, and I am struck by the fact that I am alone. and that everyone is alone. and that everything I understood seven hours ago has already changed, and that I have to learn everything again.

I guess I am not a morning person after all.


However, that feeling always passes. In fact, it's usually completely gone before lunch. Every new minute of every new day seems to vaguely improve. & I suspect that's because the alternative view- that everything is ultimately like something else and that nothing and no one is autonomous- is probably the greater truth. The math does check out; the numbers do add up. The connections might not be hard-wired into the superstructure of the universe, but it feels like they are whenever I put money into a jukebox and everybody in the bar suddenly seems to be having the same conversation.

and in that last moment before I fall asleep every night, I understand Everything. The world is one interlocked machine, throbbing and pulsing a flawless organism.

This is why I always hate falling asleep."

Leaving Blues- Bombay Bicycle Club 

because it's possible.

i'm sorry but can a girl not be happy single and reading a book to herself? 

because we could have been.

the figure I saw was alot taller.
he was wearing a dark blue silk batik shirt with matching black trousers.
I wasn't sure if it was you. it sure hell did look alot like you.

and then i saw your face.

 it was you. 

i don't remember you being so tall but you were. and you easily lifted me off the ground. i still couldn't believe it was you as I held you tight in embrace, letting my mind and body slowly accept at it's pace that it was in fact the man of my life that has been missing the past three years.

tears ran down my face as if they were racing for the ground. 

'where have you been all this time?', i asked.

your face. you looked happy, healthy and well. i don't remember if there were wrinkles or frown lines but you did look free. like you didn't have concerns for the world or the people who used to weigh you down. such a carefree solitude you exuded. you marveled me, just the way elegant and poised characters in books did.


a solid conversation never really formed. you were quiet most of the time while I did all the questioning and bickering. which was indeed rare because it used to be the other way around. in my mind, I knew then we were both changed people. and after three years of me growing up when you went missing, I felt all the discreet elements of meager surprise and distinct nostalgia to what might have been and what could be in our next exchange of words and glances.


we were then walking to what seemed like where I was staying.
i asked you more and more questions of your disappearance and how and why you did; you merely stated that it was private and confidential. a pierce of intangible certainty went right through me. I nodded to your minimalistic reply, still aimlessly lingering in the labyrinth of wondering who this new person was and accepting you as a whole.


I wondered how much of your life I have missed in the last three years, just as how you missed my graduation from high school, my first driving class, my first day into college, my first day of prom and all the days in which i wished you were nearby.

why must it be so difficult?

we found each other. that's all that matters. 

there was a few portions of laughter and smiles; a little bit of familiarity seeping into the empty spaces that set themselves between us. slowly enough, everything would go back to normal. life could pick up again from where it was last left off. it was going to be great. it was going to be like old times again. we were going to be the father and daughter we used to be.


and then i woke up.


you were never there to see my graduate, nor were you there to see me fumble on my first day of driving class, to see me make my first steps into tertiary education, to tell me that i looked beautiful as i put on that prom dress, to tell me that you love me whenever i felt like i needed to know that i was loved.




i woke up.
and to this, i need to wake up over and over again.


Genius Next Door- Regina Spektor

because I must be merciful.

5. Think of someone who has hurt you. How will you treat that person with love?

know why I love you, God?

because You cannot be more direct. thanks ah

I'm a pretty tough person to convince when it comes to matters of the heart and soul because I'm the type of person who needs to see what she believes and invests her faith in. I believe heavily in coincidence, and how things can happen simply because in our world, trillions of wonderful and terrible and intricately small things are happening; from the forming of morning mist on leaves and the discreet ticking of a mine bomb set somewhere in a crying country. Or in the words of 500 Days of Summer, you can't ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence. that's all anything ever is.


well, not all.


as you have read from my previous post or didn't, I had a shit morning. and I was furious beyond measure. just a few hours ago, I learnt that the one thing that is not coincidental in my life is the way my God seeps His way into my everyday activities like a complete troll and slaps me in the face. well, it feels more like a nice water splash than slap but in this case, it was a slap.


If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect a repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners', expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend them without expecting to get anything back. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. 
- Luke 7:32-36


'The important thing is not that we are vindicated before our enemies but that we become more like God in our character. This is the greatest reward anyone can receive, far greater than riches, food, laughter, or popularity. Those things will one day vanish, but character will last for eternity.'

on a completely separate note,

I will tame myself to be more merciful for paintball tomorrow.

SO FRIGGIN READY BRO 

A Postcard to Nina- Jens Lekman 

because this is an anger post. don't read if you're faint-hearted.

hello.


it is 10:30 in the morning and I had just took the cab home from the LRT when actually, my brother was supposed to fetch me as planned yesterday and a half hour ago when I called kakak to wake him up. oh he woke up. but he told kakak to tell me to find my own way home and went back to sleep. see, kakak doesn't have my number. hence, I actually spent a half hour waiting at the LRT because in my mind and everyone's discerning mind, he was supposed to pick me up.


and then here comes the even more illogical argument that occurred yesterday when he stated clearly that I am (quote)not to drive the car past midnight(endquote). I had a ladies night planned for yesterday for quite some time already so I made him a deal; I'll take the car to my friend's place, she will drive the lot of us to and back from the club, sleepover and I drive home the next early morning because I have an event to attend in approximately half an hour from now. so technically, I'm not even driving past midnight. I stick by his rule.


but what does he say?

(quote)How bout I drop you off at your friend's place and you come back by LRT tomorrow and I'll pick you up from the station(endquote).  

you know what's the best part?
I cannot tell this to anyone in my family because a)my mother would either a. i)not care or ii)take it seriously and blow up in his face when she gets back from China which will result in a one-sided cold war between me and the brother, b.i)my sister would say gorgor would never do that to me. maybe it's just you and b.ii)go on and on with her wipe ass stories of how she and the brother bonded over the time period of which I was in England and further reinstate that gorgor would never do that to me. maybe it's just you.

gee.

THANKS FOR THE RELEVANT INPUT.

I am restricting myself from writing out all the foul words and sentences that have been forming in my head since when I took the cab home. if you know me well enough and actually have some sort of common sense to tell, my anger is not because I had to take out money to take public transport home; it's because my family revolves around a whole lot of illogical and ludicrous things.


not all.
just a whole damn lot.



so you who are reading this.


firstly, I don't even know why the hell you're reading this. do you have nothing else better to do than to read gibberish about a rant? I suggest you leave this page and go do something beneficial like read or watch a movie. i clearly stated this is an anger post. 


secondly, whatever perception or idea you've had of me as the girl I've always been, you decide whether or not I am blowing things out of proportion + being a pointless tantrum. or even as a terrible sister for airing my dirty laundry to the cyber world. at this point of tolerance, I seriously cannot care. and after so long of caring, I am allowing myself to not care.

my anger subsided when the taxi driver, like 390% of all the taxi drivers that I have spoken to, asked me if I was Melayu ke Cina? because of my fluency in Bahasa. with a slip of tongue, I said I was Malay. 

because if circumstances could be different,

I'd be out and about in my Burberry trench coat strutting in my shiny Louboutin pumps, sipping on Starbucks everyday as i flick through Vogue and Cosmopolitan and making appointments with socialites and rich stuck ups and people of the same kind.

but no.

when I was born, I had no silver spoon in my mouth, only a pacifier.

never had I been able to afford anything with a luxurious price tag. not that I want to anyway, just the sound of my opening sentence seemed better with all those fancy schmancy brands thrown in. 

I was watching Heath Ledger's memorial tribute on tv a couple hours ago for the 27th time, really and I cried when the people in the interview couldn't stop talking about what an amazing person he was and how his daughter, Matilda, would be missing out on the amazing father than he had been. 

it kills me, really.

to see unfortunate things happen to good people. 

i mean it really kills me.

nothing worries me more than seeing the people I love go through tormenting episodes of emotional pain and anguish. it makes me wish i could do something other than just listen, you know? like being there isn't enough. because after my own emotional downfall of when my dad left me three years ago, I have forced myself to remember to treasure time like they're prickly specks of glass shattered and blown all over with the wind; you catch them, grasping them like they're sparkling shards of diamonds before they fall to the ground and blend in with the earth, where you'd no longer be able to differentiate them from dirt and dust. 

and yet,

I often feel like there's not enough time.

there are times when I'm just too tired with my own burdens to reach out a helping hand, hence feeling very selfish and unthoughtful. times when I myself have my own emotional downfalls but yet have to pick myself back up without rebuilding the crumbled walls because I see someone reaching the edge of their despair and I run to them. I just run. 

I feel stretched in all kinds of directions.

like some sort of Play-dough piece in physical abuse.

if circumstances could be different,

I wish there were multiple versions of me.

so I can drive right now to your house and hug you and tell you to snap out of all this negativity you built around you, so I can go to your place to watch a movie with you so you don't have to watch it alone, so I can have dinner with you before you start of your degree in a different college, so I can stay behind for that group meeting that I always miss, so I can slap you in the face to wake you up to the reality that your biggest problem is you, so I can have cupcakes with you and thank you for being my best friend, so I can write that damn essay that i haven't been able to write because i've been sick, so I would have been able to write that essay because there would've been Healthy JuYi, so I can tell you again and again that only someone really deserving of you is worth your every attention, so I can let you know that you're never alone despite how lonesome it feels all the time. 

so I can do alot more things at a go. 

and not risk the chances of you, and you, and you falling. 

Hello I'm In Delaware- City and Colour 

because po-tay-to is still po-tah-to.

'I don't use make up. I think it's pretentious to use it; only girls who are insecure use make up because they're not happy with how they look naturally.'

well hello there.
it's 2 in the morning and I am up with a cup of tea and good ol' indie rock music.



as I stare at my newly polished nails, I cannot help but spiral my unsleeping mind around the loosely quoted phrase above. shameless confession: I used to believe that; that natural beauty always wins. that only the insecure of the ultimate insecures would give in to the Godly creation known as make up. that i don't need make up. that i don't believe in make up.

now let's go to why i say used to.

i recapture a brief but unforgettable moment in random history when one of my good friends was questioned why she had make up applied. she always has some sort of make up on; a meek brush of eye shadow, a tint of lip gloss. i won't lie; i did stereotype her when we first got to know each other for the mere fact that she had coloured powder on her face. and the question that was directed to her sounded a little bit like:

'hey, are you wearing makeup?'

note that the word makeup was said in a higher pitch, thus, signalling a thought of disbelief and slight shock. and probably even the thought that make up is as ridiculous as eating vegetables.

her answer changed my narrow-minded viewpoints towards the idea of additional beautification as well as towards her. it goes somewhere along the lines of:

'yes i'm wearing make up. why? do you have a problem with girls who wear make up? i wear it because i like it, not because i'm trying to impress anybody. i'm wearing it for myself. plus, i think it's fun that i get to play around with colours. what's wrong with having fun and looking good? what is wrong with me wearing make up?' 

firstly, she answered his condescending question with pure confidence. not the slightest slip of tongue nor stutter. in the back of my mind, i was giving her a round of applause like fuuihh. i have heard of strong replies to OMG-MAKE-UP-AH type questions but none that went to the extent of hers.


secondly,
it went to show that she was not the least bit insecure of herself. she was comfortable enough in her own skin to respond so fearlessly. she wasn't hiding behind the make up, in fact, it had nothing to do with what she had on her face. most people i know, including myself tend to shrug a little when directed a why-make-up? question. because 1)you can ask me bout stupid things like the weather and best place for milo ais but you choose to ask a blatantly irrelevant question? really? and 2)most of us feel like our intentions are being tested when asked the reason behind the appliance of  some red blusher.


like it's some deadly sin to wear make up or something.


in my considerably-new opinion,
i think it's perfectly fine if you are a girl and you prefer to come off au naturale. hay hay, all hail fresh and clear skin man!


the problem is when you condemn those who don't. at the end of the day, if you choose to stick to the idea that you don't like additional beautification, then girls who apply make up have every right to like it. just because you think it's highly intellectual of yourself to say no to make up, it doesn't mean that girls who do are hollow or insecure.

sometimes they just like putting on make up. 

yes, the answer could REALLY be that simple. 

of course, your intentions of using make up is within question. if it's for the reason of wanting to look good to hook up some good looking fella, then sorry ah, i have no back up for that. worse if it's because you think you look like shit without make up. not only do i not have back up for that; i'd personally get to you and give you a one-on-one talk and then probably even slap you.

whether or not a girl puts on make up,

it all comes down to the most important thing: 

self confidence.

not all girls who use make up have terrible self esteem. not all girls who don't use make up see themselves as  the next Amber Chia. what we put or don't put on our face does not dictate what we are like on the inside; not our personalities, our characters or even our qualities. and it shouldn't be assumed that way. at the end of the day, if you strip off the make up, we're all just girls, only with different preferences and different ideas of self presentation.

no wrong or right, bro.

You Make My Dreams- Hall & Oates

because we're always chasing for the sun.

7:45p.m.


the buff tiles that cover the tiny marble stones outside in the backyard were colder than usual as my feet turned a pale white. it's been close to six weeks since my stay here in England and I still have not adjusted to the cooler weather here. maybe some things just don't change. like my habit of wearing nothing but pyjamas when i'm indoors, even when i'm in a country with relatively low temperature. nope, no change.


as i unpegged my washed clothes to bring them in,
aunty B calls out to me.

'wanna catch the sunset this time, JuYi!?'

i ran inside, grabbed my camera, put on my hoodie and flipflops and the both of us dashed out for the car. thing is, aunt B and I missed the sunset yesterday, and the sun was incredibly large and enormously breathtaking. we weren't expecting the same big sun today; we just wanted to be in time to see it go down. bear in mind, still in pyjamas.


and if there's one more thing that i love here besides seeing roses everywhere i walk, eating croissant, sipping tea, and watch good looking people be good looking, it is the person who was more eager to catch the sunset than me; i call her aunty B because that's what she ends her texts and emails with.


mom's got alot of old friends here since her nursing days here when she was nineteen. besides travelling and seeing all that England has to offer, i've been hopping from house to house, feasting on barbecue gatherings and enjoying lovely camaraderie. only yesterday, I was at aunt Sharifah's house for lunch and the great lot of us stuffed our faces silly with nasi lemak + rendang, sang out loud to the BeeGees and did some Wii dancing to Iggy Pop.

back to the sun hunt. 

there we were.
two separate individuals, talking about life's everyday simplicities like leaves changing colour and jungle trekking in the forests. i always feel at most comfortable around aunt B because i don't feel the need to talk to her the way any teenager would respectively talk to an adult; always holding back from coming across as rude, foulmouthed, conceited, narcissistic or uneducated, even if we actually are. with her, i have no front, no barriers. the woman herself does not act like an elderly; she has an even younger heart than  I do, come to think of it. and she doesn't even try or pretend to be because that's just how she is. so yeah it's pretty nice.


we drove slowly past the seafront, watching the late evening come alive in the form of  young couples coming out for a hand-in-hand walk by the beach, families taking their kids out to eat fish and chips, older couples eating ice cream and watching the tide go. the theme park was full of people and the noise of girls screaming as the roller coaster dipped 90 degrees gave me goosebumps.


i stared straight out of the car window.
i took a deep breath.


seagulls were flying amok; blackbirds and pigeons floating around like free beings. lighthouses and ships a many were in a far distance; the smell of the salty ocean filled every empty fiber in my lungs, followed by the tempting whiff of burgers, fries and hot doughnuts. i would've gotten down the car to get me some, had it not been for the home-cooked lasagna that i had devoured completely minutes ago for dinner.


and so, the sun sets.
the sky retains a diminishing atomic tangerine and carolina blue as we drove back home.


go on and think of me as biased when i say this,
but you don't have to be far or some place else to feel...
infinite.


after all, when the sun sets here,

it rises up there.

High Times- Landon Pigg ft Turbo Fruits

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear? 


there's a reason why I don't blame or find a reason to blame people who walk away. I mean, I used to, you know. when I got dumped by my first boyfriend who then got with my best friend three days later, hell I WAS PISSED. i was twelve and it was monkey love but no one said that the sting from relationships can only be felt after you passed a certain age border. nope; life does not wait for you to grow up to feel, it comes out of the blue, like a sudden sweep of cold wind that catches you unexpectedly.


relationships are the definition of sugar, spice and everything that's not nice.
yes, we all know that relationships are messy and feelings get hurt (Summer, n.d.)
but i think there is not enough emphasis on the mess that is created in the process of getting into a relationship itself.


there is all that jitterbug excitement from having that special connection with that particular someone who seems to share certain weird uncommon, if you must traits with you. like obsessing over the same band, preferring tortoises to cats and dogs, and OCDly eating sushi three times a week. the other person seems to be placing the same bet as you, or worse, you think the other person is placing the same amount of emotion-filled chips as you are on the table.

then there's all that unconsciously built-up expectations.

you can tell yourself to be cool and go with the flow, but who are we kidding here really.

you do all things that require anticipation and waiting; you anticipate/wait for a call back, you anticipate/wait for a reply from your silly 'hey, what are you doing now?' message, you anticipate/wait for that person to look your way after you stalk from the corner of your eye.. it's a whole big bucket of anticipating and waiting, with fries on the side.  


sure. if you're lucky, you guys get together and be all lovey dovey, changing your Facebook statuses and going all baby baby baby ooooo~ on each other's pages. yeah but what if you're not?


are you going to start bitching about how that person is a complete ass for just being a complete ass?
you gonna tell your friends about how he/she was just a waste of your time?
are you going to blame that person for giving you hope?
you gonna scrutinize him/her?
you gonna scrutinize yourself?


there's so much risk when it comes to getting into a relationship because you are laying down your cards on the table. you are exposing to another person your vulnerability and weaknesses, opening up a tiny window into the place that lies beneath you in which its contents you're not even sure of. so when you bravely let that person in and they take a looksee and  they don't like, don't feel or is just not interested in what they see, are you gonna be mad at them not staying?


the before-relationship stage doesn't have to be hurtful if you think about it with a clear mind.

if you are not someone's cup of tea, it doesn't mean you're not worth it. 

maybe some people just don't like their tea with too much sugar or without skimmed milk.

that, or some people are just complete asses. never you. never you. 

and if you can find it in you to understand that it is okay when people walk away, there will be a day when you too have to unknowingly or knowingly walk away from someone important and realize that people are always shifting places, leaving familiar faces and bidding goodbyes.  

to a more personal note,

you are an ass.

but go ahead and walk away because it's okay.

Rosie & Me- Darkest Horse

1st July, 2011

it's a few minutes to two, I'm assuming.

my packed lunch box sits half empty to my right, blackbirds and pigeons squatted all across this fresh green grass that I sit quietly on without budging as I write, the lovely sounds of water lapping from the fountain a few meters ahead of me. the human chatter all around me spreads a smile across my face. couples, families having picnics, people reading and sketching portraits, some just staring emptily away into the hidden beauty that lies beneath the architecture of age that is the Victoria & Albert's Museum.

the building boasts of magnificence. maroon brick walls that seem endless as they go up, decorated with historical portraits of Queen Victoria herself, complete with commemorated etchings carved all around the sturdy pillars, fading grey statues stagnant atop the buildings and along window panels; all looking like they had lived far many years and seen far much more than my single life would allow me.


birds continue flocking down to the moist grass that I'm sitting on. people are taking off their shoes, dipping them into the gleaming water.



here I am, a beautiful day in London, and I am already so captivated from just sitting in the concealed garden of one of the world's greatest museums of art and design; a museum that I've dreamed of visiting for a long time.


I shall continue my walk inside the museum now.
until then.

because i am here.

my 900th post is configured from a lovely little home, somewhere in Belfairs Drive, London. how dainty.
you call it coincidence,
i call it destiny. che waaahh~

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i was unknowingly awoken by the soft sound of chirping birds outside the framed window above my head. still a gloomy dark cloud, the sky was pierced with a hue of light blue. my eyes opened quickly as I gained full consciousness to the fact that I couldn't recognize the melody of the birds' song; the bed that i was sleeping on did not have the silhouette of my sister; the ceiling did not have the same square hints as the one in my bedroom.

I am in London.
or i shall now call it  Londie, as said by mr Nicholas Ng.

An adrenaline rush gushed through my cold body. Judging from the now, light grey sky, I had assumed it was already 7 in the morning. then i remembered when WyeYee showed me the sky outside her hostel in Hertfordshire had already lit up at 3:30 in the morning. i turned to my UK-timed handphone; it was only 4 in the morning.

i let out a giggle. 

I was too excited to go back to sleep, so I made my way down the unfamiliar house that belonged to my mother's long time friend. everyone was still asleep. I felt through the carpeted mahogany stairway, the vintage door knobs and to the kitchen. make yourself at home, dear- a voice rang in my head. i turned on the orange light and walked towards the kitchen window. 

i didn't know Aunt Sue had a garden with a patio. as I gazed a the lush greens outside, the shadow of a creature caught my eye. it wriggled through the ferns and little bushes, looking like it was searching for food. I couldn't make up what it was until it ran away; it was a red fox.

i turned my attention to the kitchen. 

its walls are decorated with vintage floral teapots and matching teacups. a vase of white orchids stands still by the window. my stomach was still queasy from the long flight and car ride to here so i made myself a hot cup of chocolate instead of tea because there are too many kinds of earl grey to choose from. there is leftover PB and J in a tupperware. next to it, there is a stack of pancakes, crumpets, bread of all types, cereal boxes, a silver tin of chocolates, shortbread biscuits and jam tarts, a jar of Nutella, blueberry jam, honey. i opened the fridge; boxes of frozen pizza, a box of juicy red cherries, pies and custards. 

and now I am here.

in front of the laptop, exhaling warm air into my cold hands as I enjoy my first morning in London alone, but not really alone. 

I am going back to sleep now as I still feel a bit lightheaded.

good morning and good night, beautiful people.

Fly- Nick Drake

because i really can't believe it.

hello from Johor Bahru! *waves franticly*


i realize i did not update at all while i was in Ipoh last week. man, would've been so much cooler if i were to write from each different place that i was at. coz then it'd be like time travel, but not really time travel either because Malaysia all over same time. a girl can pretend she's travelling all over the oceans, ok?


after all,
i am travelling overseas in less than two weeks.
i cannot wait for 7 weeks in UK and having one of my dreams come true;

watching Glee live. 

just the thought of it, the fact that i never even thought i'd be able to ever meet these people... and now, i'm going to watch it in the country that i'd never even dare dream of being in. i'm going to be living my dream. 

who would've thought that i'd be spending near half of this year travelling?

it may not mean much to many to be travelling all across the country; but to be in a new city every week is just such a new experience, whether or not both cities are close or far apart. yes it's always the same food, same people and same buildings, but no it's not. Penang might win hands down for best food overall but the Indian restaurant where i ate three bowls of rice at yesterday night was simply orgasmic. shoulda seen my face as i devoured the tandoori chicken and the mint yogurt. 

BEST TANDOORI CHICKEN + MINT YOGURT I'VE ATE IN MY LIFE. 

NO SRSLY.

there's also something that puts JB on a much higher standard as compared to the other states that i've been in. the people here are incredibly well mannered. they put even the best, most polite people that you randomly stumble upon at KL's sidewalks/lrts to shame. the people here smile, they nod, they say thank you, and not the pathetic thank-you-and-walk-away-fast-fast thank you but the bow-their-head lightly-and-smile-as-they-say-thank-you thank you, acknowledge your presence, say no politely when they don't want a  drink, and the most unbelievable part is they don't ask for more even when you offer them an extra can.

they make all the people i've met in KL, Kedah, Penang, Ipoh look like rude little bastards. 

and rude little bastards is not even enough to describe all the immensely uneducated people i have come across in the past month of working this job. 

even the kids here have better etiquette than them RLBs. 

8/10 of them say thank you when i give them a can. and not the thank-you-and-run-away-fast-fast thank you but the literally-bow-or-curtsy-and-pronounce-their-thank-yous-correctly thank you. 

and the hotel staff here are the most efficient and of best propriety.

they had to change our rooms for extra furnishing and we were working then. so what did they do? they transported all our luggage, food, toiletry and additional crap into a new room. and everything was in the exact.same.position as it was in our first room. toothbrushes and toothpastes separated, shampoo bottles aligned, snacks/hairbrush/hairdryer and etc arranged systematically on the mirror table. heck, it was even neater than how we left it.  

i'm sorry la.i'm just so blown away by how Johor Bahru is just so... amazing.

the warm atmosphere, the humility of its people. just outstanding.

i'd like to think that it's a Singaporean influence. 

but yeah i shall just leave it like that. 

i also won't talk much about how the diameter of my stomach has increased vastly.

yeah i'm just leaving it like that.

four more days until i'm back home for a good week,

 before i leave to the real city of my dreams :')

guys who wear tasteful kicks = YES.

Steak for Chicken- The Moldy Peaches

because it's starting to have its effect on me.

from Kedah to Pulau Pinang, baby!
the land in which things like char koay teow, nasi kandar, apam balik, hokkien mee, cendol and ice kacang originate from. speaking of which, i have gained 3-4 kg from being here this past week. i wish i were kidding you.

i'm actually going to Fitness First tomorrow at one of the malls here, as my final shift in Penang had just ended today. SHED SHED SHED SHED SHED 

today was a great Saturday.
it was a tiring day of work but I had J Co's Frogurt for lunch and some awesome soya bean ice cream less than an hour after that. i srsly had no idea that J Co had frozen yogurt. await the photo of it as it is currently in my Itouch. AWAIT IT MAN I TELL YOU.


and with great food, comes great clubs.
okay not really but i just would like to spare some space to talk about how i have gone clubbing twice in the past week here and i'm going again tonight. what happened in Penang, omg, stay in Penang please, or i would just....  jump out of the 23rd floor of some really high condominium and die. flat out die. but still, MIST > MOIS anyday bro, anyday.


this has marked almost two weeks of my absence from home.
life travelling independent and experiencing new cities on my own has been exciting, thrilling and amazing but you know what? it feels like shit.


i don't know whether the company that i'm with names will not be mentioned to protect the uninnocent could be part blamed for that. it's like the environment i'm in continuously reinforces me that it's wrong to be different; that it's not decent that i sit with my legs wide open, that i don't need to be talked to because i'm not pretty or cute, that it's socially wrong to not want to mingle with people and stay home to Tumblr instead, that it's weird that i read books, that it's funny that i listen to Bright Eyes and Landon Pigg, that it's not accepted that i'm not like everyone else.


it has been a long while since i have cried broke-down style and when Mei called me a few nights back, i couldn't hold back. sitting on the familiarized carpet outside the hotel room, tears were overflowing as i fought hard to choke them away. i never really knew what it was like to be shunned for not blindly blending in because i understand that i've always been the type of person who blended in with everyone.


if it were not for the frequent calls from her and JiaLi,
as well as Liyana who keeps me company through texts,
and the few lovely souls on Tumblr who reached out to me,
i wouldn't have been able to survive all this on my own.

i cannot thank all of you, including those i didn't mention, enough.

now let's talk homesickness.

i miss my bed, i miss my desktop computer, i miss dance classes and the people who attend it, my mother and her constant naggings, my brother and his strived order with everything in the house, my sister and her being her, my mother, my best friends, church friends, my dog, my grandma, my mother, the maid, my bolster, my mother... 

who is actually now in Australia with the brother on the company trip.

so i feel bad too that my sister is all home alone. hence, i am right now in Georgetown White Coffee, sucking on free Wifi as i send my mother an email, Tumblr, Facebook and text my sister at the same time because i truly and honestly miss my family terribly.

to be honest,

i can't wait til i'm done with this job.

Nothing Gets Crossed Out- Bright Eyes

because i feel like Lykke Li.

so here i am.


hundreds of miles away from KL, tucked away in a dodgy, cheap motel somewhere up north of this country. aching legs comfortably sheathed in a warm, double-pieced linen and wool blanket. good ol' diary to my left, Wuthering Heights to my right. Tiger biscuit crumbs all over.


it's my 2nd day here in Alor Setar, Kedah.
it surely is nothing to brag about, this humble little city of little life and little happenings.
restaurants don't open regularly, though food is never hard to find. lots of karaoke bars and massage parlours.  not many people either. some are friendly, some not so friendly.

i found it really cliche'ly humorous how the absolute first thing that i saw as i passed the tol into Kedah was a paddy field.

as of this night hour, i am sitting alone in this bearable room on this queen-sized bed which i share with two other girls, who are not here at this moment because the entire group decided to go out for karaoke and beer while i couldn't miss Showdown on tv and wanted to Tumblr very badly. i should be washing my clothes real soon yes, i'm doing my own laundry here! before i proceed to my weekly dose of Glee which i am currently streaming.


i had a terrible sleep last night.
i just fumbled through and through, head filled with things running from one end to another. i'm not sure what things but what i know was my head wouldn't rest and give itself a break.

also because my two friends had the only two pillows.

try sleeping without em.

it felt indifferent.
waking up in a different city, far away from home.
without mummy to handle morning Milo for me, to arrange my clothing, to shake me out from sleep.

without daddy who would either already be awake and preparing breakfast, or snoring away in sleep.

independent was too small of a word to describe all of it.

to explain how it all feels to be so far away home & the people i know, doing everything myself. setting up the hot water to get my morning fix of coffee/hot cocoa, reading the papers, figuring out my own meals as i go out to work by 10a.m and finishing by 7p.m.

i'm only nineteen.

but i don't feel of that age at all. 

i fear being too old in the mind sometimes. i don't laugh as much as other nineteen year olds do or as much as i used to, i ponder alot about life & every bit of it's direction & shape & mystery & wonder & magic & miracle, if there are any left for me. i think of God occasionally too & the plans He has for me, if there are any left for me. 

it feels good though.

it feels good.

Falling In Love at A Coffee Shop- Landon Pigg

because that alone, says a lot.

so i have been working for the past five days.
and in a couple days, i will be leaving to Alor Setar for a week, followed by JB, Ipoh and Penang, one week each! this simple job of mine allows me to travel + pays for my accommodation! what is logic! (JiaLi Wong, 2011)

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if there's an added advantage to my job as a promoter in a Sarsi roving team other than lazing around, sleeping, and eating a lot and by a lot i mean ALOT, it is that i get to see all sorts of fashion senses and styles come to life in the form of randomly walking passersby.


if only i were allowed to stop people in their tracks to ask them if they minded me taking a photo of them, simply for the joy of my personal collection of expressed identities.


in my opinion, someone's option of clothing speaks three things about the person:
their creativity.
their guts.
and their level and choice of sexuality. 


if you would allow me,
can i take a picture of you? 


Three Wishes- The Pierces 

because i know.

i know i'm a messy, disorganized little twit.
i know i leave my clothes on the floor and on the racks of three different rooms.
i tend to borrow everyone's things and then misplace them and lose them.
yes, i lost your damned RM20 sunglasses, i truly apologize and i'll get you a new one. 

i know all of that.

you and you and you don't have to constantly remind me that i'm flawed that way.

i know it's not something that should be acceptable but it is an undying habit that i've always had. and sometimes, i like being in a state of mess. it juxtaposes the supposed thin and calm nerve line in the back of my never-resting brain which brings about more chaos in my life than actual physical clutter. the unordered nature that i unconsciously create brings about a sense of peace and stability to me. i'm the type of person who just works in a disheveled way.


wanna know what else i know?
i also know that you have a habit of being naturally conceited, almost comparable to that of Mean Girls' Regina George without exaggeration, that you can't be bothered with the consequences of your damned 'cool' actions until the effect of it actually affects yourself, and that you want things your way so much, you don't even see how it affects the feelings of the people around you.


oh,
i also know the level of how much i care about things is more than the level of how much the three of you care, combined.


i know that it comes off extremely unfair and immature; the way i defend my negative traits and shoot out all of yours. i understand that those things i dislike about you, you and you also come with its perks. how it makes you naturally confident, bold and brave, how you are determined to living your life the way you want it to and especially how you have succeeded with so much in life through your relentless strive. 


but let me go a little, will you?
just because i don't resemble the traits and characters that you guys share, it does not make me unacceptable. i'm just different.

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i also know that my sister bakes the craziest cream cheese chocolate cupcakes.

and i'm confident now that what i feel for you is real. 

Maps- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

because i need to choose my ground.

Lord, give me a new heart, and a new spirit; remove off me my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh, just like how You said you would in Ezekiel 36:26. 

it's close to 3a.m.
rarely am i a night owl but since the past several weeks, it seems that i've ventured to the dark side (pun intended).


there is no music playing.
and it's been quiet for the past couple hours.
you know how people are usually afraid of still silence because then, they'd hear their negative, puncturing  thoughts even louder? funny for me because in this absence of sound, my mind comes to peace. or maybe i'm normal and sane and the people around me just aren't.


the Bible sits on my right lap.
i sit here, cross legged, half naked. face salty from dried tears.
the water i sip tastes more and more plain as i sip and sip.


i am drowned with overpowering thoughts and emotions, ones that i've felt for quite sometime but was never too sure about, so i ignored and put aside. i've not felt this level of fucking frustration, confusion, guilt, shame, and regret ever before.

you read right;

i am guilty.

April 2nd, 2011

why take the leap, JuYi? you're already so happy here.

i took the leap.
then i got scared, and crept one foot back to the middle line.
one foot in the grey, one foot over there.


i need to make a decision already.
and it's going to be one of the hardest things i'd ever have to do in my life.

because i was asked to update, ahahah :P

so i've been eating alot.
not like it's a surprise, really.


but i can't help it if i'm always being fed like a four-stomached cow. yah wait lah, one day i'm gonna resemble a mother cow, minus the sagging titties.


other than that, i've been enjoying myself as i've been blessed with lovely company lately.
today marks one of those rare days where my mind is calm and serene; not affected by the effect of overthinking and overanalyzing. just breezing through the 2a.m. solitude with a simple cup of water and Plain White Ts.


fuiyoh juyi, so short your post this time!

Rhythym of Love- Plain White Ts 

because i'm back to contemplating.

here i am; up at 1 in the morning, not being able to decide whether to just fall into lumber sleep or to force the body to stay up to do some reading/studying. or maybe because of my unconscious reasons of not going to sleep yet out of the same old fear of guilt after eating a 2nd round of dinner at 11:30 and because i am waiting.

i don't even know what i'm waiting for. 

i can feel myself entering a new chapter and i admit; it is starting to scare me. for a while, I've not wanted to admit it because i thought that the less i think about it, the less likely the chances i'd be pondering on it from time to time. the statement proved itself true but only lasted a few weeks because i am still the same old person who simply thinks too much.


it is a new chapter in a famous genre that i had once ripped out of my sentimental pages quite some time ago. i had never thought i'd feel this way again after so long its diminished absence. in fact, i've blocked that particular genre out for so long, that the mere feeling itself feels somewhat new to me.


i feel like a child.
it feels like a new experience, though i know that i have gone through all this before.


i fear the anticipated heartaches, the anguished disappointments, the common mistrusts, the unlikely letdowns. i fear it all. and to be honest, i'd rather stay on this side of the fence where i am already happily and safely frolicking on the warm green grass that has been laid out here for me. why take the leap, JuYi? you're already so happy here.


okay.
i've decided to go to bed instead.


Skinny Love- Birdy

because it's been pretty awesome.

you know that euphoric feeling you get at 7a.m. in the morning as you take a deep breathe in when the LRT transitions from Masjid Jamek to Pasar Seni? when you've traveled in momentary, solitary blackness and all of a sudden, a tinge of dim orange light bursts through the windows of the fast-paced train as it pierces through the grey morning clouds?

just the way the light comes through so easily and minimally, without giving warning or telling of it's arrival. the way it naturally creeps up your cold skin, transferring its voluminous energy to you and invigorating your quiet soul. how the shadows of yesterday slowly die and fade away as its soft fire takes its place and conquers the start of the day. 

like nothing from yesterday should matter anymore because it's a new day. 

everyone gets a new day everyday.

one of the reasons why i love taking the train in the early morning to college. 

because of conditioning.

i've never been one to skip or postpone my sleeping time, especially when my eyes start to droop and my cognitive levels start to decrease from 'i don't know how i should start this paper' to 'what in ganja's name is this paper about again?'. i enjoy my sleep, and i especially enjoy a strict 6-7 hour sleep because i'm annoyingly OCD that way. while prepping for Pysch presentation this morning, i realized i have another OCD of NOT cutting over my drawn box lines.

i like the lines of my boxes to be seen, okay?

in the past 3-4 days, i've had less than approximately 4 hours of sleep because of assignments that were due the same day/day after another. and i didn't have naps because i 1)wanted to attend class at the gym. 2)hold on, gym was barely in the picture because i had to use up all the time i had for the assignments and 2.5)i'd been at college all day. what makes it all worse is that i'm a morning lark so i cannot sleep anymore past 8.a.m., no matter what time i sleep. so when i woke up at 7:30 after sleeping at 4 the night before when my class is at 11 i was like


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~


















yeah.
i'm just glad three are down, and i have three more to go.
none of which's due dates are even close together, thank freaking God.


i don't know why i'm still up typing.
i'm clearly exhausted because i'm effusively yawning at 11p.m. despite having downed an entire cup of hot green tea and a packet of chocolate cookies. i think it's because Dorian Gray is a really good book and good books > sleep. also because i am listening to good music.

here's a playlist of what i've been listening to a lot in the past week.

• Dogs- Page France
• Different Names For The Same Thing- Death Cab For Cutie
• La Vie En Rose- Edith Piaf
• Needle In The Hay- Elliot Smith
• I Love- Athlete
• Paint or Pollen- Blind Pilot
• I Can't Win- The Strokes
• She Had The World- Panic at The Disco
• Boy Lilikoi- Jonsi
• Approximately Sunlight- Bright Eyes
• Someone Like You- Adele 

oh dear boulangerie, please reply to me.