from as long as I know you JuYi, I really think that you deserve to be doing something greater than just sitting behind a workdesk.
if you were to tabulate the months, it has only been slightly over a year of since I've been in the corporate world. For one year, I have went through multiple Monday blues, sat in front of a computer for 9-10 hours a day, worn the same and the occasional formal clothes to adhere to rules, lessened my creativity to make way for learnt formality, limited my indifferent temperament to confine to a more black and white disposition, and most of all - taken in orders from people above me because I was in no position to make decisions on my own.
when put into a concise paragraph and context, I certainly made the corporate world sound like a bland, unexciting place to be in. think of the men in dapper suits and women in clanking heels, one hand carrying exquisite leather suitcases and the other holding on to venti Starbucks lattes, entering lifts and ascending to high floors within tall windows. Talking about business in its most formal business context - shortforms that the generic non-business studying person would've not heard of. CF, FAS, FSI, TMTs, TPPAs...
often times I think I'm blending in okay.
still, more often than that, I wonder - what exactly am I doing here?
is this something that us as generation Y face? is there something that we find absent in our daily working lives that make us question the depths of our choices? do we not know how to appreciate how lucky we are today compared to our parents who slaved through more difficult and challenging times? are we just weak and do not have a stronger sense of perseverance? is it because we feel like we are entitled to greatness?
but I have a question though -
am I not allowed to feel like I am entitled to greatness?
sure, there's more than seven billion people roaming this weird little place we call big planet Earth. how do I, a singular human being out of that incomprehensible fraction, allow myself to feel entitled to greatness? should I not be thankful already that I am within the socioeconomic background that permits me the freedom to submit resumes and attend interviews, and be a part of a well-known company that vouches for its creme de la creme environment and culture?
I honestly don't know.
then there's another question that delves deeper than that. a question that I still can't seem to find the answer for :-
what exactly do I define as greatness?
what do I really want to do?
in the past few months, I have shared conversations along this line of thought with many different friends and colleagues. many of whom, find themselves stuck within a system that they cannot escape or want to escape, not sure as to what exactly they plan on doing with their lives, what are their best qualities that can be contributed to an organisation that deserves their efforts. many of whom are just waiting for it to hit them like eureka. tadaa! there it is, that thing that I want to do most in life!
and the most comforting explanation I can offer is usually this - that we all have different timebombs within us. some of us have undying ambitions since young and pursue it with full force. some of the world's greatest athletes and contributors to society found their passion when they were young. the tenacity that they hold remains one of the greatest things I respect as they follow their dreams with no regrets.
and then there's some of us who's times have not come yet. for specific reasons, we are doing things that are not exactly what we have always wanted to do or saw ourselves doing but we do it anyway as we patiently wait for greater things to come, or for that timebomb to explode inside of us. think of some of the world's most recognised names and they all went through hurdles of doing things that were not rooted in their passion, to come out to be successful, influential individuals.
the former group is usually the group I envy the most because I've never had a steady ambition since I was a kid. in my primary school report portfolio, my cita-cita included news reporter, crime scene investigator, nutritionist, actress and teacher. none of which I pursued with an anchored discipline. along the way, along with the circumstances of the things that happened in my young life, I decided to pursue Psychology because I wanted to learn more about the illness that took over 30 years of my late father's life. of which I have no regrets for.
that's the thing with me - I don't usually have regrets. because I believe everything that happens, happens for a reason. we learn even from what seems like the most unfathomable situations. but ever so lately, I feel like I'm walking down a path that I had not agreed on. a path that if my 10-year old self saw, would stir me right away and change my direction.
ever so lately, I've been having flashbacks to that one afternoon in high school when I recited Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken and had clear understanding as to what that poem meant, explaining it passionately and annoyingly to my absent minded classmates. I remember telling my English teacher then that that would go down to being my most cherished poem to heart because of what it stood for - that in order to live a life I'm proud of, I should take the road less taken because that will make all the difference.
fast forward 8 years later,
and we are here.
I am still wondering - what is my road less taken? because I can't see it. have I walked down this path too far to see where the divide in the road was? is it right in front of me and I'm too blinded by societal expectations to see it? is it too late? I have yet to turn twenty four; am I really too late?
where is my road less taken?
or rather - what is my road less taken?
