Mom,
Today while I was taking my nap, I had a dream about you. You weren't as sick as you are now. You bought gifts for the boys and where playing with them. I woke up crying cause you will never have this opportunity!
I get so mad that you aren't here to be there for the boys and me. Everyone else has such strong family support but you where my support. At times I feel so alone. In times of need I thought my family would pull through for me and Justin and be more supportive, but maybe I'm being selfish. I feel as though everyone just turns there back and says it's not my problem or I'm sure everything is fine. But it's not fine! They ask how you are, but I think they ask just to be nice. I am lucky to have friends that have been their for me! I never thought that I had to rely more on my friends than my family! It's really sad. I know how disappointed you would be.
Let me just say It's Not Fair! I ask God daily why you, why me! I wish thing were different and I hope my kids never have to go through this. At least there will be three of them and hopefully can support each other through something like this.
Miss you and love you lots!

Mom's place had a Christmas party. Me, Justin and the boys went and my aunt Marsha and grandmother Dot came to enjoy Christmas carols and some yummy appetizers. Mom did really well. She sat and stayed with us at the table. A few crying spells here and there, but once Dot and Marsha showed up she could stop crying. She keep saying "my family, my family!" I think she realized we were all here to be with her. It's never easy to see her cry. I can't help but try and hold my tears back. When it was time to go we all said our goodbyes with many hugs and kisses. She started to walk to the door and said "let's go kids!" Justin hugged her and she said, "goodbye Brian" It was cute, but equally sad. It's hard really understand what she is going through and what she knows, but I have to think she has more going on in her brain then she can tells us.

Make a Smilebox photobook

I took the boys to see Santa yesterday. I was surprised how well they did. No crying of any sort!

Happy Thanksgiving!

We went and visited mom today after dinner since she couldn't come to visit. Most people with Alzheimer's don't do well outside of their normal environment. It can cause more confusion and they need consistency at this stage of progression. She looks good and she was up walking around when we got there. We took her to the tv room and I put on some Christmas carols to listen to while we visited. She would smile at us once she caught our eye and we could see a glimpse of her. I'm not sure that she recognizes me anymore, but she sure acted like she knows Justin. It's all in the way she looks at us. Here are some pics that I took while we were there. My camera was acting up and not snapping as quick as I wanted it to. Mom was kissing David, but by the time the camera went off the moment was gone. I need a new camera!

Mom-
Today was really hard for me. This was the first holiday without you. It almost felt like just other day. I feel so guilty that we had Thanksgiving without you! Jake was really attached to you and trying to flirt! David never wants to leave and gets upset when it's time to go. I hope you know how much you are truly loved and missed!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Hope you enjoyed your Sweet Potatoes!

Mom,
I miss our late night talks! This week was the presidential election. You missed out on the MSNBC coverage, though you would have not been happy with their views and ended up watching Fox! I almost registered you and had Marsha cast your vote! I know you would have wanted to vote for McCain, though he wasn't elected as president. God, I wish I could hear your voice on this election!
Still hoping for a miracle!

I took the boys to my Mom's Halloween party! David dressed up like Steve on Blues Clues and Jake of course is my lil' punkin'. David had fun going around to each resident and saying "Trick or Treat!" He couldn't believe how much candy he got! Just wait til tomorrow buddy!

Make a Smilebox photobook

Today was the Memory Walk for Alzheimer's Disease. We raised $540 exceeding our goal of $200! By the time we got into registration, they ran out of shirts! With the money we raised, the family was allowed 5 free shirts that the association will order for us. Justin, David, Jake and I walked the mile in Corporate Woods, opting not to walk the 5k due to the children.

Jake needed a little caffeine to get him started! The turn-out was amazing including people young and old. People are so determined to end this horrible disease that there were participants even using walkers. Nothing was going to stop them from supporting their loved one afflicted with Alzheimer's. There was an older man, probably in his 70's, wearing a sign that read "walking in memory of my loving wife" walking by himself. It saddened me to think that she was possibly his only family! I am grateful for all of our friends and family who have supported us through this difficult time.

Mom,
I thought about you as we were walking today in your name. There are so many people affected by this disease, though selfishly I wanted to know, why you! I am honored to have you as a mother and glad that I can due this for you! You wouldn't believe how many people there are supporting you. We love you and miss you!

Brooke

I was sitting at the table figuring out the donations I had received for the Alzheimer's Memory walk for tomorrow. David wanted to help me and draw a picture for Oma (grandma). As we are sitting there he says to me.

David: Mom, is Oma happy or sad?

Me: I don't know baby, what do you think?

David: I think she is sad!

Me: Why baby?

David: She is lost! She lost her house!

It made me tear up!

Today went well. It saddens me to see you cry when we visit, but I know that you are more aware of us then we think. I know that you miss us just as much as we miss you! I love you very much! And even though you can't always express it I know that you love us as well! David wants you to play with him all the time when we visit! Thank God he doesn't realize, though it is hard to explain why you can't "play" puzzles with him! I am amazed how well David has taken to you even in this "sick" state! He doesn't even act like you are any different from before, which I love! God has blessed me with incredible children. I can see David in a health profession!
Mom, I'm glad that you where such a big part of my life. I truly miss your smile and good nature! Love you Lots!

Mom I miss you a lot! I want you to know! I don't know how my life has even continued without you in it. I had a dream last night. It was so real that I thought you were "real!" I want you to know that I miss you with every breath and every heart beat! Though you still breath, I know your mind and Spiritual soul, it's not you! I Miss you, I miss your heart and Soul!

These are some pictures of my mom and my son David. These were taken a year ago right before she turned 60! She stayed the weekend with us and David and her were inseparable!