I don't consider myself to be an eloquent writer. I try. But when I have so many friends who blog so well, I have a hard time appreciating my own meager contributions to the blogging world. And so, due to my own feelings of blogging inadequacy, this little memoir tends to be neglected. I've had a few things on my mind lately, though.
After I had Logan, I decided that it was time to make some changes. I was very unhappy with my body, having never lost the weight I gained with my little Pyper. I would get overwhelmed when I thought about all the changes I would have to make in order to get to where I wanted to be, and I felt that I had SO far to go. I knew myself well enough to know that I had to do it all at once (the diet, exercise, everything). So, I got myself some Chalene Johnson Turbofire, some Mona Vie RVL Shake set a date and went to work. I honestly did the 45 minute workout in my basement every. single. day. All the while Pyper happily watched a movie on the "puter" and Logan slept soundly in his swing. It was a brutal workout, but I knew that every sore muscle meant that I was getting stronger. I bought myself a bathroom scale and the harder I worked the faster the number on that scale dropped. I started out almost six weeks to the day from Logan's birth at 159 lbs. I was SO thrilled every time I would drop into the next set of 10's (40's, 30's and finally 20's). I knew that I was achieving my goals, but I still thought of it as almost a binge weight loss, where I would get to my goal weight and then do whatever I wanted after that. I still hadn't reached that point where my muscles craved the exercise, and felt awesome after it was over, instead of feeling like I had just been run over by a truck. I'm happy to say that, eight months post workout one, I finally have reached that point. I look forward to pushing my body to it's limits, sweating like crazy and then the emotional high that comes after. As I've reflected on these past months, where I am and also where I want to be with regard to my fitness, I've been struck with how much my experiences in this area relate to life in general.
Process. Everything is a process. Thank goodness for that. Thank goodness there is always work to do, always improvement to be made. What would we do if we ever actually became perfect at something? More importantly, what would we do if we could never improve on something? What would happen if we reached a point of dissatisfaction with an area of our lives, and then realized that there was nothing we could do to change it?
Often the small efforts we make, the tweaks here and there, are making changes that we cannot see the results of for some time. They are under the surface, and even though the end product is not visible, we still have to make those small changes, with faith that, through process and guidance by someone who knows more than we do, the results will be worthwhile. For me this is applicable for everything from exercise (which is where this all stemmed from) to raising my kids.
This means, for me, that everything matters. Every look I give my daughter, every sharp or kind word, every moment spent holding and interacting with my baby boy, every act of service I choose to give (or some days not to give...) to my husband... all of it lays the ground work for something bigger, something lasting. It is my simple, everyday choices that determine the end result. Just like strength building exercises, which take many months of diligent application for any kind of change to be visible, the smallest of choices made on a consistent basis determine what my life and the lives of my family members will look like in five, ten or fifty years. My happiness tomorrow depends upon the decisions I make today. That is frightening (what if I make the wrong choices) and wonderful (I have the power to determine my own happiness).
So, rather than look at the end product and try to jump in with both feet, I will focus on the process. Today I will not focus on being a "good mother" or a "good wife". What are those definitions anyways? Rather, I will speak more kindly to my family than I did yesterday. I will have more patience with my three year old than I did this morning. I will cuddle my baby boy for a few more minutes while he sleeps before I lay him down. I will give my husband more of my time and affection than I did two minutes ago. I won't worry as much about the laundry (that is and will always be there waiting for me), my kitchen that is mostly clean, or the fact that I only had one vegetable for dinner instead of three... and the list goes on. But mostly, I will have patience with myself and this process called LIFE.
R
