Day of Peace and Rest

I almost laughed out loud during the opening hymn during our church services this afternoon.  "Blessed day of peace and rest" rang through the chapel and I choked on the words. Ha!  We were lucky to be sitting there, and I felt like a sham.

Lately, I dread Sundays, where once I relished in the peace and quiet.  This morning I woke to my two boys fighting over cereal.  From there the contention escalated throughout the morning.  Screaming over train tracks, a bruise on brother's leg from a toddler bite, purple expo marker all over walls and doors, a half hour long tantrum over buttons, then soap in a mouth for screaming "bad" words at sister and mom, and crying because Daddy left for work.  By the time we left for church, my emotional stores were depleted, and I knew we still had an hour of sitting still with a toddler and a preschooler determined not to go to his class.

As I choked on the opening hymn, I knew how moms with young kids could go inactive.  How did MY mom make it all those years? She had seven kids and most of those years, she sat alone while my dad worked in leadership positions. I swear she earned her sainthood.  I remember being taken out once for misbehaving (I have no idea what for) and getting swatted. I remember thinking my mom was evil for spanking in a church-  ha!  

How and why did she do it, and why do I keep going back?! Why don't I just take a break until they're older?!

I keep going because the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and brings hope.  I go so that my kids ask to say prayers when they're scared.  I go because my preschooler asks his father on his own for a Priesthood blessing to help him be nice and say nice words.  I go because my son who struggles with social skills and anxiety passes the sacrament to the congregation with pure reverence and sincerity.  I go because the gospel of Jesus Christ changes lives and hearts. I go because Jesus Christ has given us a gift, and I want my children to learn of that gift so that in their dark moments of life, they'll know to whom they can turn when all seems lost.  

Jesus Christ gave all so we could gain all.  For this reason, I will get up each Sunday and do it all again, even when I feel like it's going to be the end of me.  

I do it for them.    

Baked Zucchini Ziti

Ingredients:

1 lb lean ground turkey

1 yellow onion (use green onion if on 5/1)

3 medium zucchini made into zoodles

1 can crushed tomatoes

1 can diced tomatoes

Mozzarella cheese

Seasonings such as garlic powder, garlic salt, black pepper, Italian seasoning

Directions

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Brown ground turkey and onion, season with favorite seasonings.  Add tomatoes and heat for 10 min to cook off some water. Set aside.

Sauté zoodles until slightly soft. Add meat mixture and stir.   Put in a 13 in by 9 in baking dish.  Cover with mozzarella cheese.  Bake uncovered 40-60 minutes until bubbly.  Let sit 15 minutes.

*This is a perfect meal to make ahead of time and pop in the oven!  I love meals like these to make in the morning so homework time goes smoothly.

**All three of my kids ate a good serving of this! 

3 Tips for Reaching Your Potential

Do you feel like you're trying to find who you are?  Like you know there's more to your potential, but that you're just not sure where, what, or how?  Are you afraid of that change?  Do you feel like if you change, you lose a part of yourself?

Two years ago, I realized that there was more for me to accomplish and to go and do, that there was part of me struggling to get out -- a part of me that had been there, but that I'd buried somewhere along the way.  Over the last couple of years, I learned a few things.

1.  Be Real.

2. Be You.

3.  Make the Change.


Be Real
     Being real means being truthful about your current reality, your goals, and what it's going to take to get there.  Don't shy away from what you visualize as your potential and about what you want.  If you want to be successful, say it out loud, acknowledge it.  If you want to be healthy, but are 80-100 pounds overweight and need help (like I was), admit it.  If you have an addiction that you want to overcome, don't hide it;  admit it and find help.  If you want to have a stronger marriage, admit what it takes to have that and what's keeping you from it.  

Be YOU
     Each of us is born with a unique personality and skills set.  Some of those skills come very naturally, but most of those skills need to be developed.  Find what you love, what you do well, and don't shy away from it.  Don't be afraid of your strengths.  Make a list of those strengths.  Do you love to be around people?  Do you love research?  Are you a reader (that IS a strength, believe it or not one that I wish I was better at)? Are you a worker bee -- do you get a job done? Do you like to delegate jobs (can you see what needs to be done and be willing to assign it out)?  Are you a good listener?  Do you teach something?  Do you build?  What makes up YOU?  Are you good with words?  Do you love unconditionally? 
 
Make the Change 
    At first glance, this statement seems contradictory to the others, but actually, it makes sense.  The best way I can describe this is with an analogy of a butterfly.  A butterfly starts out as a little yellow egg.   When it hatches, it becomes a caterpillar.  It spends it's first few weeks as a caterpillar eating leaves, crawling around on the dirt, leaves, and trees. It sheds its old skin and becomes a vibrant color -- different depending on its variety.   All throughout this process, it looks NOTHING like its full potential.  If it survives (is not eaten, squished, or carried away), it will be come a chrysalis and develop hidden away.  When it is 7-8 weeks old, it finally looks like a butterfly.

(picture taken from the book See How They Grow:  Butterfly)

The thing about a butterfly is that it doesn't question who or what it is or will become.  It will become a butterfly, no doubt about it, BUT it has to go through some major changes.  On the outside, it's a chubby, squishy, sort of ugly caterpillar;  in its core, it's a butterfly.  It doesn't regret leaving behind the life of a caterpillar, for it HAD to be a caterpillar before it could become a butterfly.  However, all of that hard work and enduring is what made it possible to reach its potential.

Maybe you are a little squishy and you have "ugly" parts that you are want to change.  In your core, you're a child of God.  You can become like Him.  Sure, you have rough spots and you have to change, and even for a while, you might have to eat leaves and crawl on  your belly, but that doesn't change who you can become.  You are a butterfly waiting to come out.

Be REAL -- accept who you are and who you want to become.
Be YOU --  recognize your talents and use them to bless others.
Make the CHANGE -- don't be afraid to take the steps you need to be who you want and who you are destined to be.  While you may look nothing like what you want to become, shedding your old skin doesn't mean you aren't YOU.  You've always had that potential in you, but making the change is releasing that old skin and allowing others to become butterflies, too.

One of my favorite quotes is from Marianne Williamson:

Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.

We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

Note: This inspiring quote on our deepest fear is taken from Marianne Williamson's inspiring book A Return to Love. Though often quoted as part of Nelson Mandela's moving inaugural speech, "Our Deepest Fear" does not appear in the speech. Marianne Williamson herself has commented on this mistaken attribution. For Marianne's website, click here. For other highly inspiring poems, click here.

Go out and SHINE today!

Put a Little Heart into Personal Progress

This month's reminder for the girls 

 

 Feel free to download the jpeg and print it off.  If you need a bigger version, feel free to comment or send an email to me (lemira@livehealthy2lose dot com) .I printed it off in wallets (4 to a sheet) at Costco.   You could also put a heart-shaped sugar cookie -- my original plan, but then decided to go with chocolates.

Merry Christmas Eve!

    Happy Christmas Eve!  Today my heart is full as I think of this season and the culminating day tomorrow.  Today is the day of anticipation for so many children and families.  While we wait and wait for Christmas, I think the most exciting and emotionally-charged day is usually today.  As children we couldn't contain our excitement, for we knew what was coming.
   All month long, I've been thinking of another person who felt the anticipation of tomorrow, who had so many conflicting emotions.  Today, I speak of Joseph, the husband of Mary, the father of Jesus Christ.  As a child, I learned early on that Joseph was "only the earthly father" as Jesus was the Son of God.  For some reason, that was easy to accept.  As an adult, I've thought a lot about this relationship, and now as an adoptive mother, I feel I have a deeper understanding and a respect and admiration for this man.
  I think of some of the emotions Joseph must have felt before Jesus was born.  "Can I love this child as my own?"  "Will I be a suitable father for a child with such a great heritage?" "You trust me to raise this child?"  "Will I be able to teach him about his Father to help him understand his divine mission?"  "Will this child love me?"
   As I pondered those questions, it was astounding to me as to how many of those I have asked (and am still asked by other people) in regards to my children.  These questions are also questions that are very personal and very real to adoptive parents.  With both of my children who were adopted, I ask and continue to ask if I'm doing enough to help them reach their potential.  Do they know who they are and where they've come from?  Do they feel a connection to their birth families?  What will our bond be?  Is my bond diminished because they are not my flesh?
   I don't doubt that Joseph was connected to his son.  I don't doubt that he felt Jesus was his son, and I don't doubt that our Father in Heaven felt that Joseph was Jesus' father as well just as I'm a mother to children I did not bear.  I have watched my husband with my children, and he didn't contribute any DNA to two of those children, and his love and devotion to his children is not any less than it is to his biological son.  At the same time, as adoptive parents, we are not trying to replace their birth parents.  We want our children to know all of their family to truly understand who they are and what they are called to do.  Those questions now seem silly to me in a way.  Of course my children know I love them.  Of course, I love with with every fiber of my being.  Yes, they love me (at least that's why they say). 
    If I could speak to Joseph, I would tell him "Thank you."  I would thank him for being an ideal parent -- a man who showed how to love a child that was not his flesh and blood.  I would tell him that he's a good dad, that he DID raise Jesus right, that although he made mistakes, he was who the Father trusted to raise his son on earth.  I have personally witnessed a father bonding to his children who are not his flesh and blood.  I see it every day.
  My favorite Christmas songs are "When Joseph Went to Bethlehem" and "Guard Him, Joseph" -- songs about the Savior's father.  I'm no longer worried about calling Joseph father to Jesus.  For he held that role in conjunction with our Father in Heaven.  Joseph sort of fades away in the background, but I do not doubt that the Savior loved Joseph for all of his life.  I do not doubt that Jesus knew that BOTH of His fathers loved him.  I do not believe that acknowledging both Joseph and God as fathers of Jesus diminishes either role.  In fact, I believe it deepens the relationship as it proves that God had so much trust in Joseph to raise His son that Joseph probably prayed long and often to know what to do.
  The LDS church recently put out a message about Joseph's relationship with Jesus, and it touched my heart.

As you celebrate Christmas, I pray that you will remember WHY we have Christmas and that little family 2015 years ago that changed the course of the world.  Whether you believe in God or not, you can't deny that this little being has shaped so much of our lives and society.

I testify to you that Jesus lives, that He loves you and He loves me.

Merry Christmas! 

"Advent"ures in Christmas

This year our calendar is full of fun things to do together as a family since one of our goals is to connect more with each other.  Of course, each little door has a treat as well.  In the past we've tried service or scriptures to fill them, but no one really got excited about it -- except for the candy.  This year it's filled with traditions as well as a few service traditions.  I'm really excited about this year as we've added some new things to do.  Listed below the picture is our list of 25 things we are doing this month. Many are very specific to a day since that's when the event is happening.  What traditions are you doing this year that you are excited to do?

 

25 Days of Christmas

Decorate your tree downstairs
Go see the lights in Spanish Fork
Set up Nativity
Go to the Festival of Trees
Go to the Payson Creche Display
Watch Christmas Devotional and decorate Gingerbread Cookies
Decorate Gingerbread house
Write a letter to Santa
Have an indoor snowball fight
Shop for gifts for other children (Angel tree at Walmart)
Make a craft with Mom
Go to the Christmas party at church
Stake Christmas fireside
Make Christmas cards for Grandparents
 Leave a treat and “doorbell ditch” a neighbor
Drive around and look at light displays and listen Christmas music
Go to Jackson’s Choir concert
Have a family Christmas movie night with popcorn
Shop for a gift for your siblings
Watch Church Christmas movies and eat popcorn
Deliver Neighbor Gifts
Buy your Christmas morning cereal
Have lunch at a special restaurant with our family
Wear new jammies to bed
Read the story about the birth of Jesus

Our Open Adoptions

Something that's been on my mind a lot lately is open adoption.  Whenever we tell people the nature of our open adoptions with our children's birth families, we get a lot of surprised looks and some questions.   Technically, the legal definition of an open adoption is very simple:  the birth parents and adoptive parents know who each other is by name and possibly location.  In the adoption world, however, you will find that each adoption situation is very different in terms of what "open" looks like.  In one family, it could be different with each child.  For instance, one child might have a closed adoption (no contact whatsoever with either birth parent) and another child might have regular visits. 
Our family's philosophy is simple:  Our children's family is our family.  We are one.

Neither one of our children's birth mothers initially wanted an open adoption.  We did.  From the beginning, we told them that we would love an open adoption.  In fact, with Emily's mom, we told her very directly that we wanted it for Emily more than for us or for her.  With Cole's mom, we didn't even meet her until one month after he was born, but I started sending emails within a week of his adoption. She came for Thanksgiving that first year, and in the last four years, our relationship has grown so much that it hurts when we can't see each other.  In fact, she lived with us for two months this year, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Emily's mom thought she wanted a closed adoption as well, and we were very open before Emily's birth, and we were there for Emily's birth, and I stayed the first night with Emmy and her mom.  The day Emily's mom left the hospital, Matt and I wept bitterly, worried that we would never see her again.  To our delight, three days later, when she had to sign the dreaded relinquishment papers, she changed her mind.

Here are her own words on the matter:

"Before having Emily I wanted it closed because I thought I could never bear the sight of seeing my baby in the arms and home of anyone else but my own. After having you guys there during delivery and having Matt give me a blessing I knew leaving that hospital that I couldn't bear to not have her in my life. I know that sweet little angel was sent here to be in my life but not my home and through open adoption I have gained a whole new family, a best friend and a opportunity to have Emily be not only in my heart but in my life and I know I wouldn't been able to choose a better family if I hand picked you guys myself. For me open adoption has been the biggest blessing because not only do you guys invite me and my family with open arms but you are beyond awesome at allowing me to be a part of all of her firsts and I could never thank you enough. Something I always said I could never do is now something I could never not do."

 I do not post that because of what she says about us, but so you can read in her own words what she thinks.

When Emily was sealed to us in the Payson LDS Temple, a most amazing experience happened.  For a year, her mom worked with her LDS bishop to change her life and to help herself heal.  We told her from the beginning how much we'd love to have her at Emmy's sealing and blessing.  All she could say was the she didn't want to be in the way of "our" day.  The thing is, it's her day, too, because it was Emily's day.  Emily will ALWAYS carry her mom with her, and so we will, too.

Three days before Emily's sealing, her mom received her temple recommend.  Four members of Emily's birth family were in the temple with us.  As Matt and I sat in the hallway waiting to be taken to the sealing room, the sealer asked us if we had someone to hold the baby at the altar for us.  Since we hadn't been told to ask someone, we didn't have anyone prepared, but we both looked at each other and knew who it needed to be:  Emily's mother.  Our escort worked miracles and within 10 minutes had Emily's mom in a borrowed temple dress and up with the baby.  When it was time, as Matt and I were kneeling at the altar, Emily's mother walked in the room holding her daughter, and placed her on the altar.  She held her daughter's hands on ours as her daughter was sealed to us for time and all eternity.  In a very literal way, she gave her daughter to us.  We all sobbed, but it felt completely right to have her there with us at that altar in that sacred moment.  She is part of our family.

As we exited the temple for pictures, Emily's family was there to greet us.  One of our most treasured pictures is the one of her family with us.  The only thing to make that complete would have been to have Cole's mom there, too.

My dad talked later that in that sealing room, he saw the definition of family.  Family is more than your blood and genetics and even to whom you are "legally" or even "spiritually" bound to.  Family is eternal.  Family is all around us.  I believe in an pre-earth life and an afterlife.  I believe that in the pre-earth life that we knew our children's mothers.  I can't imagine NOT seeing them or being with them in the afterlife.  After all, without them, we would not have our family.  They ARE our family. Our lives are richer with them. 

Why does open adoption scare so many people?  Simply put, they don't understand it.  What does an open adoption look like?  That's a different answer for each situation.  The only awkward moments are when I worry if I'm treating them kindly enough.  Do they get to see their children enough?  Do they feel welcomed? 

There's never a question in our minds if an open adoption is right.  For us, adoption simply means more family to love.