Our Break

This break has been perfect! We went to the zoo twice, Gaylord Opryland, saw some lights, and of course relaxed! I hope everyone else had a great break.

Joshua loved Christmas and later told me, "Mom lets open more presents!"

He could also name every single car we gave him.

Samuel liked the paper and boxes.

Christmas

Merry Christmas!

Inspiration...

I have a friend named Tori. If you know her you know she is incredible! So smart, so driven, and so accomplished. Well I found her blog and become inspired.

Those of you who know me, know I LOVE TO SHOP. Mainly I love the hunt of finding a great designer brand item of clothing that I desperately need, for a walmart/generic price. I'm really good at my hobby.

I have found Jim Barnier boots for $30...regularly retail for $250-500. Ann Taylor Jackets for $10...wool, tweed, you name it. Who could say no to such an amazing finds? Coach, BR, Ann Taylor/LOFT, KORS, UGG, Tahari, Donna Ricco, etc are now all brands that make up my closet. I'm not saying this to brag, but I'm admitting I have a problem and it has now arrived at a point where I honestly can't justify buying anything more. I've been a little depressed about this because I don't NEED anything. But it's good for my wallet.

But I used shopping as a hobby and coping mechanism. Now I need a coping mechanism.

I have used art before but for me to do art I need large blocks of time, an art space, and great music. I don't have two of those necessities. I can't leave my art stuff and come back later because I have two children under the age of 3 who would love nothing more than to paint with in highly flammable and combustible mediums.

I found one of Tori's blog and on it she has a 50 book challenge. It's been a while since I have read a book. Actually not that long, but Tori would probably die if I admitted what I read last and how long it's been. I've always been apprehensive about mom book clubs.

I'm particular about what I read. I will admit I dislike HP. Yes, I refused to read it because I didn't like the way she wrote. I need something more when it comes to books. My favorite books include, 1776, John Adams, Uncle Tom's Cabin, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, and almost any art history book. Can you see why HP, Twilight, and anything else read in a mom book club would not appeal to me?

I want to be inspired. i want to be motivated to be a better person from what I read. But the book does not have to be written by a classic author but I need to be inspired. Lord of the Rings inspired me, but actually I think that is considered a classic. Mainly because I love strong characters and particularly strong women characters.

Now I haven't read books but I have read lots of conference talks. I mean incredible amounts. If I played jeopardy conference talk version I would win. But sometimes readings immense amounts of gospel talks can have a negative impact on you, at least it did for me. They inspired me to be better but the imbalance of reading so much of gospel related materials made me realize how much I was lacking. So recently I have backed off.

But I know I need to read. It helps me stay cognitively alive and is much better than wasting my time on useless tv shows that I only watch because it entertains me for a moment or inspires me to shop...which is bad.

Lasting inspiration is what I want.

A 50 book challenge, probably not within Tori's time frame of one year, but mainly just a 50 book challenge. No more shopping, just reading.

I'm really excited.

Zoo in December

Yesterday we went to the happiest place on earth...the Nashville zoo. :) Joshua loves this place. When it was warmer we probably went twice a week. But we've all been sick for about a month and haven't been for a while so when we saw it was going to be 70 degrees and sunny we headed out. No one was there! Loved that! Joshua had his own private train and carousel ride.

While we were there Joshua tried to play with another little boy who was a little older. This boy didn't want to play with josh and ran away from josh. Josh chased him and the boy was not happy about this so he turned around and called Joshua ''a bad boy." Joshua immediately yelled back, "no you bad boy!"

I grabbed Joshua and we went away from this kid. I could see Joshua was going to cry. He has never had another child yell at him before. His face broke my heart. He started to get hysterical and say "josh not bad boy!"

Growing up I could never understand why my mom would get so upset over anything that hurt me.

Now I know. I'm hers.

Nothing hurts worse when your child feels bad because someone was mean to them. I'm going to be a wreck whenever he gets hurts in his life. Not sure I'm ready for that. But I'm glad I feel so protective because it actually made me realize how much my children are a part of me. How much I NEED them.
.......

We had to take a picture of "blue" at the zoo this time because Joshua loves Blue...from the movie Rio. Did you know Blue lives in Nashville?

My first born

Joshua loves to dance. He loves music and always entertains us. I love my job.

Thanksgiving and Christmas

Our thanksgiving was great! We spent it with our adopted grandparents the Fredlines and then went over to another friend's home for games. We definitely feel the love here!
I love the fact that he church creates a real ward family wherever you go. We've moved 9 times since we've been married and people think we are crazy or how we could handle living in 3 states over a five year period but it's because no matter where you go you will have a ward family! Instant friends with people who value what you value! Isn't the church fabulous!

For Christmas we are staying here in TN but I'm so happy we are finally doing our own family thing! We will get to start our own family traditions and do fun family things. We will miss the UT Christmas feeling but love not driving in snow. I love UT but sometimes it's nice to get away.

Joshua has loved Christmas so far. We've made stockings and gingerbread men. He has a Christmas party at school next week and ward parties and just had a friend's birthday party too so he's loving all the fun!

We will be around next year but I didnt want to fly with Samuel this year, heck I just dragged him 1700 miles in a car just a few months ago...we are done traveling. :)

But we will miss our new nieces! And maybe their parents ;).

Sent from my iPhone

Screaming

President Monson said, "God gave us memories so we could have June flowers in our Decembers."

I really like that quote.

Because that perfectly describes motherhood. Sometimes it rains or vomits all over you at 5am but then other times it's beyond precious.

Joshua pulled me aside one day and said, "Mommy you the best mommy EVER! You doin real good job! Good job mommy!"

Seriously did he just say that?

I'm so blessed to have two sweetheart baby boys! Wouldn't trade them for anything.

Including all the late nights, vomit, poop explosions, tantrums, because it is all worth it when they reward you with phrases like that and genuine sincere love. Makes you feel special and important.

I love being a mom.

Enjoy the video of one crazy moment in my life I had to record because what else could I do?

Our Home

This is our new home! We love it...it's perfect! This is where we will live for a few years and we could not be happier! It was a nightmare trying to find a home to live in... no one rents here, they want you to buy! So Lame. Lame, because we didn't want to buy a home because we decided we wanted to end up in CA, AZ, or yes, UT. So we are just renting this cute little blue home!

Joshua loves it! He says all the time, "Mom, love this new home...best home...no neighbors!" I think we permanently scarred him with our last apartment. But he feels safe now and is so happy!

Breakdown...#2309

Ha!

Yes, yesterday I had a major breakdown. I was so sick and it was Monday. Enough said.

I hate Mondays. I was struggling because I have two adorable needy children, one going through potty-training (which is like a bipolar event, one day he is perfect and the next horrific! My second bathroom smells like pee), and wait, I'm sick. Like, really sick. Freezing in my very warm house, with layers of sweats and old high school sweatshirts on. Having to do all the work that is required of a mother, wife, and individual...when all I wanted to do is lay in bed and cry. I was so tired. Just exhausted.

I don't particually like Lady Gaga but one song really speaks to me. Matt thinks I'm crazy because I relate so much to music. But I'm one of those people who need music because it helps me deal. This Lady Gaga song is called Poker Face.. So how good is your poker face? Mine is excellent! But my real feelings broke through yesterday. It was probably a new low.

At BYU my roommate said being at BYU was like almost drowning...you can't quite catch your breath but when you do another wave comes and pushes you back, perhaps even farther.

But we still have to keep going.

And on top of everything last Sunday Matt was made a President of an Auxiliary....super...NOT!

A Bishop's wife once told me that there are consequences to everything. Just because you marry a righteous man doesn't mean that life is going to be cake. He's going to be called to serve and you are going to be the one who gets everyone ready for church and tries to keep them quite during sacrament. It will always happen when it's least ideal and you will struggle.

Great.


So I broke. My poker face failed me.

I don't really have a point of telling you this but just to admit that I have a poker face. I think when other people show you there real hand, it makes you realize that you aren't the only one struggling. The only one feeling overwhelmed. The only one feeling like you are drowning.

One talk from General Conference really has made me think. Here is a part of it from Elder Cook's talk.

"There are many kinds of challenges. Some give us necessary experiences. Adverse results in this mortal life are not evidence of lack of faith or of an imperfection in our Fathers in Heaven's overall plan. The refiner's fire is real, and qualities of character and rightousness that are forged in the furnance of affliction perfect and purify us and prepare us to meet God...

We are unaware of hosts of blessings that we receive from day to day. It is extremely important that we have a spirit of gratitude in our hearts."

Refiners fire is HARROWING...but I guess that is why it's called fire, right?

But I'm given HOSTS of blessing I don't even see, on top of what I DO see.

I hope one day my poker face will be my real face.

I know it can be but it will always be a struggle to get there in this life.

PERSPECTIVE

PERSPECTIVE...

I needed to hear this.

I needed to be reminded that I have so much.

Perspective.

I should never complain about anything because I have it easy.

Healthy boys, a safe home, food to eat, a perfect job for my husband, and so much more.

I often feel I am entitled to have somethings.

But it is that feeling of entitlement that causes problems.

Everything I have is more than I deserve.

I'm grateful for,



PERSPECTIVE.

Family Photos

I love my family! I love having all boys! I also cut my hair WAY short and thought about when meg flint cut her hair in junior high and wishing I had her confidence to pull off my short locks. Still not sure what I think about them, but at least I will save on shampoo and other hair products :)

Visitors

My parents came for a visit and loved Tennessee! They loved our new home and really missed their grandsons! Samuel was his happy self and took right to them. My mother appreciated that. We saw lots of things and of course took them to the zoo :). Thanks for coming out!

Joshua's school had a thanksgiving feast and he got to be an Indian that day! My dad went to a special lunch that day with him too! He had so much fun except the face paint kind of threw him for a loop. He HATES being messy/dirty. :) wonder where he gets that?

Where to start...

Yes we moved. Everything went so well and we were all done by Sunday, we moved Saturday morning. I'm a little OCD and can't function when my house is a mess. :) our house is perfect and we are so much happier here! Joshua loves his new home and keeps saying 'neighbors all gone...love this house'.

Our neighbors always woke him up and scared him, they even scared me. But now it's all over and I could not be happier.

Joshua has a new friend named Alice. She is great! I love her family and her mom Sarah! We came over to our house for trick-or-treating and dinner. We had so much fun! Joshua loved it and the next day at school I think he thought he was going trick-or-treating again because he held out his bag and waited for his teacher to give him something. She just laughed and tried to find something for him. We love his teacher.

Moving...again

Finally! We are moving to a perfect house, in a perfect neighborhood!

Good-bye dumpy apartment.

Good-bye strange neighbor who chain smokes.

Good-bye stupid parents who smoke while swimming with their kids.

Good-bye scary spiders.

Good-bye centipedes.

Good-bye crummy bathrooms.

Good-bye incredibly dilapidated kitchen.

Good-bye apartment living!

Life is good.

We will be busy putting our home back together for the next week or two but after that we will post pictures of our cute home.

I'm so excited!

Just not that thrilled for moving, unpacking again. But I'm so happy!

Life is good!

Funny Joshua

Joshua is really making progress with his language skills. He tells me jokes and loves to laugh. His smile makes me always feel better and I'm amazed about how much I learn from his incredibly perfect spirit.

We have a statue of Jesus praying in Gethsemane and it sits below our TV. Joshua will frequently talk to it and say,

"Jesus WAKE-UP! WAKE-UP!"

Then the other day I told him that if he didn't stop complaining he'd have to go to his room for a time-out. Because only happy boys get to stay out and play. Later Samuel started crying and he rushed up to Samuel and said,

"No sam, be happy. Be happy like Joshua."

Joshua has always been my protector. He always looks out for me and when Matt tickles me too much he yells at dad to stop hurting mommy. This past week matt was out of town and I was having a hard time being a single parent and I started to cry. Joshua ran up to me and said,

"Mom it's okay, Jesus is here." He then paused and said, "See mom, Jesus right there [pointing to our O Jerusalem portrait]." Then said, I'd be okay because we have pictures of Jesus all throughout the house.

We blessed our little home within a few days of moving because we were scared. Honestly, It was a little daunting being so far away from everything we knew, around strange people, and in an apartment that was less than homey. Joshua had a really hard time adjusting and would get scared at night in his new big room. So in an effort to comfort him I kept telling him that it would be okay because Dad blessed the house. Now whenever he's scared he repeats, "oh, dad bless house... no monsters. Bless house."

I love you Joshua!

Other none religious funny things he says are like, "Mom green...green means go! GO MOM!"

"MOM car said turn right, RIGHT MOM!"

"No you silly goober-head!"

"No mom, you time out!"

"Don't talk like that to me! You time out!"

I love this age!

preschool

Today Joshua went to preschool! I cried leaving him and felt horrible all day long. This preschool is part of a private school and a church of Christ denomination... I don't really know what that means, but they learn Bible stories, so that's good ;). He goes twice a week from 8-3pm. It's kind of long but he LOVES it! The teacher is great and the pupil to teacher ratio is incredibly low! I'm so happy we are getting more involved in the community and that he will be making friends other than the ones from church.

Matt and I are lucky because he makes enough for me to stay home with the kids. Most parents in this ward have to have dual incomes to make ends meet. So most of the kids his age go to day-care or spend time with grandma. So when they are available Matt is home, and let's be honest, when my hubby is home, all I want to do is spend time with him. I'm not a social butterfly and am elated when my family gets to be together. Which means, my social-butterfly of a child gets denied friends :(. But now we have a good solution to that.

So now we will go to preschool, the zoo, and the mall every week. Which makes for a happy Joshua & Samuel! I'm so tired at the end of the day but they make me incredibly happy and I'm so grateful for my boys!

Birthday!

I celebrated my birthday this last Saturday! I'm so old...

But it was a great day! Matt spoiled me, which is always a must, and we were able to do something fun as a family. I tell everyone that Matt's work decided to throw me a birthday party...but in reality they just had their company party that day. It was full of fun blow-up toys, which is joshua's favorite, and good food.

Here are some pictures of what we did. Thanks Matt for making this such a special birthday!





This was my big gift from Matt...although Michael Kors boots should also count...but this baby carrier is my favorite baby accessory ever! The Nashville Zoo has a play place that is 66,000 square feet of fun! I need this to keep up with Joshua and have Samuel comfortably with us. Thanks Matt! I love Petunia Pickle Bottom!



Joshua loved his balloon sword! It was his favorite item, until it died when we got back.





Chester Cheeto was there because Matt works for Frito-Lay.

The whole day though I was thinking about what I was doing last year. I was having a girl's day with Karen & Hillaree. It was so much fun! I miss you both so much! Can't beat a day of shopping, food at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, and the General Relief Society's broadcast. Thanks friends for making last year so much fun!

Now I have to live in the 'real' world where the whole world doesn't shut down for conference and I don't get tickets to the Conference center to go see it in person...lame.

Joshua & Samuel

They are already best friends. Samuel laughs all the time at Joshua's sillyness. They are so fun! I love that I have boys! Boys are the best!

We were really scared they wouldn't get along or Joshua would be jealous of Samuel but they are already great friends and you can tell how much they already like each other.

Samuel is the best baby. He sleeps through the night, takes long naps, is always happy, is now teething and one has finally broken through, can almost sit by himself, loves eating Veggies, and he weights a heafty 16 lbs 14 oz...Take that Karen...my little boy is huge! But not really, he's only in the 50% for weight and 40% for height. But he's still growing everyday out of his clothes and we are moving onto the bigger ones all the time.

I love life.

Life gets better too. I am finally leaving this crummy apartment for a better one in December....huzza!!!! No more crazy smoker/smell, crazy people, and oh wait, stalkers because I guess the last person who lived her had some problems with the law/money and constantly have people looking for her.

We were trying to buy a house but we think we will wait to have 20% down instead of 3.5%. Then, we won't feel rushed to find a house, but find the perfect one.

Life is good.

Life In Tennessee

Life is crazy here. It is finally starting to cool down so we have been doing a little more. We mainly spend time at the tiny mall in Columbia, that's where we live, shop at Walmart for fun Car's accessories, and now we got o the Nashville Zoo. We also stalk people's blogs. Kelsey, Joshua LOVES watching Macy.

The Nashville Zoo has a great play place and there is a train ride and carousal that we ride. Mainly we go for the toys and not the animals.


You can barely see Joshua's head, he's behind the girl who thinks I'm waving to her.




Poor Samuel doesn't like the Zoo that much yet. This face pretty much describes how he feels the whole time. But Joshua loves the Zoo...I guess I can't win them all.






Stalking Kelsey's blog...



Joshua at the mall...this is basically the highlight of the Columbian Mall.

To Vilify

Lately I have really wanted to vilify a few people. I wrote some angry posts on my private blog about them. The issue I had with these people is that they were suppose to be my friends. They are members of the church and are good people. Yet they extended an unfair judgement to me about being a stay at home mother. Either that I wasn't accomplishing anything truly important or that I couldn't of possibly gone to college because I already had two children.

Each assumption offended me because I have pride. There, I admit it. I have pride in my accomplishments and hate when people just assume that because I'm a young mother I must not have valued school or my education. Or the opposite, they think I am not accomplishing anything because I am restrained by two children now.

But I realized something that took me 4 post on my venting blog.

It doesn't matter.

I LOVE what I'm doing now and I am the happiest I have ever been. There are hard moments but every smile, giggle, and laugh is worth it.

So when people prejudge you because you are mother or a 'homemaker', know that I stand in solidarity with you. I will laugh and cry with you and in the end I know we will be okay because you are doing what is right.



Have you ever seen Mona Lisa Smile? I love this part from the movie

Joan Brandwyn: Do you think I'll wake up one morning and regret not being a lawyer?

Katherine Watson: Yes, I'm afraid that you will.

Joan Brandwyn: Not as much as I'd regret not having a family, not being there to raise them. I know exactly what I'm doing and it doesn't make me any less smart...

Katherine Watson: I didn't say that.

Joan Brandwyn: Sure you did. You always do. You stand in class and tell us to look beyond the image, but you don't. To you a housewife is someone who sold her soul for center hall colonial. She has no depth, no intellect, no interests...This IS what I want.


A wise teacher once advised me that it doesn't matter what you choose to major in, because you can always go back for more school. School will always be there. The same advise was given to me in the temple by a sealer when Matt & I went to the temple a few weeks ago. You can always have a career/more schooling but a family has a terrible shelf-life.

And now come my quotes from a prophet.

"Men and women often seek to substitute some other life for that of the home; they would make themselves believe that the home means restraint; that the highest liberty is the fullest opportunity to move about at will. There is no happiness without service, and there is no service greater than that which converts the home into a divine institution, and which promotes and preserves family life." Joseph F. Smith 1998


I am the happiest I have ever been. Throughout my school years I was a stressed-out, sleep-deprieved mess. Ask Matt or any of my freshmen roommates. But I'm balanced now. I worked hard in school so I could stay home. I did accomplish something more outside the home and now I'm using those skills to accomplish something greater inside the home.

"There can be no genuine happiness separate and apart from the home, and every effort made to sanctify and preserve its influence is uplifting to those who toil and sacrifice for its establishment." Joseph F. Smith 1998

Labor Day Weekend!

I was so lucky to have my sister Emily come visit me over this break. We met in Nashville and from there we took her to the temple, down-town franklin, and of course we went shopping. I made her spend lots of money and she found some amazing deals! We also saw the Amish community here. But while we partied Matt & Craig went to the BYU game. He had so much fun and LOVED being with the Woll's. Thanks! Here are some pictures of my incredible weekend! Joshua & Samuel will miss "kaig" and "Emmy"