The Night from Old to New

Wheels turn in an interminable bend
A new start has come, even though it hasn’t been an end.

It’s another year, another chance
to start our lives anew.

This year we will leap old barriers
And have a real breakthrough.

So people all gather around and cheer
To celebrate and will that this year will be better.

Let us all wipe the slate clean
Tear down the reminder of the past.

We contemplate what brought us joy
Soon all scarred memories will depart.

It’s the night from old to new,
Let’s take one little step, and then one more.

The colors will be colorful
And then you’ll see shooting stars riding across the moon.

It’s 2009 people! So remember to write a 9 instead of an 8. *smirks* And I know how we always start the year with the strongest intention on fulfilling our New Year resolutions, so I am going to wish everyone good luck with their goals, stay healthy and less whiny. Pass the love around!

This Tag...Thing from Sam

Okay I got tagged. *silence* Sam you know this is my first time? *frantic*

Rules : -
1) This tag is only for girls, no boys!
2) Be honest!
3) It must be true!
4) There must be only one answer, unless there is a 'more than one answer'.
5) Must tag ten peeps! <----this is the rule I intend to break :P
6) No tagging back!


Personal : -
1) What is your favorite color?
Answer : Black White Silver Gold. yeaaaaaah

2) What is your favorite food?
Answer : Pizza

3) What is your favorite drink?
Answer : Ice Lemon Tea

Guys : -
1) What kind of guy do you prefer? ( More than one answer )
Answer : My guy

2) How you want your crush to confess to you? ( More than one answer )
Answer : the look-into-my-eyes-deeply-thing. lol. If my heart goes beating crazy and I'm holding my breath then you are doing it right bebeh!

3) What do you want your boyfriend to give you during Valentine's Day?
Answer : shhhhh. well, he doesn't read my blog so don't bother :P haha

Chapter 12 (C): Complications

Author's Note: Hello people! I'm so glad that some of you still love reading my stories. Thanks for all the encouragement. It really means a lot. Many thanks to Audrey and Josiah, for being super enthusiastic; Shuba for constantly trying to snag MY Edward :P, and Jeff for my inspiration. *grins* This chapter is...not really easy to write. I've got to make up a lot of parts. Please let me know what you think. I'm a little afraid that my Edward will be a tad bit out of character. But worrying about Bella and thinking too much seemed to be his thing, right? haha...enjoy!

P/S: if you have not read Stephenie's chapters on Midnight Sun, you can get it from her official website here. The direct link to download the pdf file, click here. Her books are awesome! Go get it!

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Stephenie Meyer, various publishers including but not limited to Little, Brown and Company, Time Warner Book Group, and Summit. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

The sun rises soon after, and I’ve ran back to get my Volvo. My mind has never been more resolved. It’s another day, but what makes it special was I was going to spend it with Bella. As Chief Swan drove off to work, I swerved and parked my car in front of her porch.

When she stepped out of the house, all I could do to not stare at her was to focus my gaze on the cracks on the tree trunk outside her house.

Easy, Edward Cullen. I took a deep clean breath.

Once the passenger door was open, I greeted her. “Good morning. How are you today?” Knowing she didn’t have a dreamless night, I’d just like to hope that she will unknowingly leave hints about her dreams. About me.

“Good, thank you,” she smiled.

I noticed the circles under her eyes. It may sound a little ridiculous, but I was irritated with the Edward she was dreaming about. What had he done to my Bella? “You look tired,” I said pointedly.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she swung her thick chocolate mane around her shoulder. A gesture she tends to do when she is nervous from my perceptivity. Her scent swirled in the car. My throat itched painfully. But I appreciate it anyhow. It reminds me to be careful with her.

Wanting to lighten up the mood, “Neither could I,” I smirked.

She looked at me, “I guess that’s right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did,” she relaxed.

“I’d wager you did,” on second thought, if only vampires could sleep. It would be nice to have her in my dreams.

“So what did you do last night?” she asked casually, looking out of the window.

I chuckled. If only she knew. She has this knack of asking questions that sound downright innocent but the answers will certainly give everything away. I'm sure the idea of someone enjoys watching her sleep every night will not be well received under any circumstances.

It’s time to turn it around. “Not a chance. It’s my day to ask questions.”

“Oh, that’s right. What do you want to know?” her forehead creased. I wonder why she was frowning. It shouldn’t be much of a surprise though. Who wouldn’t worry when you have a vampire getting ready to assault you with whole list of personal questions? I paused in my tracks. Will it be a little intimidating to pry at her this way? What if I asked questions that she didn’t want to reveal? I couldn’t be sure that I will not push for answers.

I shrugged. Being a vampire for good ten decades without a partner did not do any good to communication skills let alone with the girl you are interested in. Curiosity took over. I suppose if I'm being serious enough then it wouldn’t seem as though I'm poking fun at her.

Let’s start with something fundamental, I thought.

“What’s your favorite color?” I questioned, keeping a serious face.

“It changes from day to day,” she rolled her eyes.

Interesting. “Then what’s your favorite color today?”

She cocked her head to the left as she answered, “Probably brown.”

I snorted. “Brown?” That’s not something I expected. What happened to red, green, yellow, black, white…blue perhaps? She looked adorable in blue the other night, I added mentally.

“Sure. Brown is warm. I miss brown. Everything that’s supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—is all covered up with squashy green stuff here,” she ranted with the little furrow on her forehead, very irritated.

I wanted to laugh. What do guys nowadays call that? Cute, if I'm not mistaken. Very fascinating, I chuckled inwardly.

Be serious.

“You’re right,” I straightened my face. “Brown is warm.” I said as I looked at her, noticing her hair flowed over her shoulder, hiding half of her face. I reached over and brushed her hair back. I wanted to get a glance at her eyes, the only way for me to decipher her thoughts. They were warm and melting brown. How befitting.

I rounded a corner and pulled into an empty parking lot. I remembered something that I was so close to finding the answer last night. Swallowing the guilt of checking her personal belongings, I asked, “What music is in your CD player right now?” She only listens to that particular CD I noticed. Always the same empty jewel case.

“Muse.”

She never ceases to amaze me. She reads classics! With…Muse? I smirked and reached towards my CD compartment pulling out a CD that I knew she would recognize. “Debussy to this?”

She looked at the case with surprise she tried to hide. While doing so, she blushed. I’ve grew to love that tint of pink on her pale cheek, feeling her face getting warmer, intensifying her scent in the car. Making sure no one is in the parking area, I held the car door open for her in a flash.

“If you were given a chance to have a free plane ticket, where would you want to go?”

“Paris, probably,” she shrugged.

“France?” I cocked an eyebrow. “Because it’s romantic?” That has got to be the reason.

Bella rolled her eyes. “Seriously, males got some grudges on being romantic or what?”

“Not really. I was just making assumptions, Bella. Hold on to your attack,” she can be so judgmental at times.

“Charlie hates romance,” she grinned. “Well, anyway it wasn’t because it’s romantic,” she rolled her eyes again, imitating my tone. “Paris is the City of Lights. It has got to be beautiful at night. It will be like stars on a clear night. I like stars,” she paused. “Well, not much can be seen around here, I realized,” she mumbled.

“Paris is not really that far away, actually. It can be arranged easily,” I nodded to myself.

Bella raised her eyebrow skeptically as she stopped at the edge of the cafeteria, “Why am I getting a feeling that you are thinking of getting me plane tickets as a gift?”

Amused, I stopped beside her and inched closer to look into her eyes. “So, you don’t like gifts? Can’t I get you a gift?”

Her heartbeat fluttered as her eyes dazed. Moments soon she snapped out of it, “Edward!”

I love the way she said my name, even though she was angry.

“You are suggesting on sending me to Paris! A plane ticket is not exactly a gift. I mean, you can’t…I can’t…how could I possibly explain it to Charlie? Think about it!” she breathed, with her cheeks flushed again.

Enjoying her edginess, I thought of pushing my luck. “What about I need you to accompany me to Paris? It will be boring to go alone. I love lights too,” I laughed.

Bella opened her mouth about to voice her objection and then she closed it without so much of a word. I managed to catch a twitch of smile at her lips before she walked towards her English classroom.

It continued like that for the rest of the day as I walked her to English and I went for my Spanish class with Emmett. Waiting for her outside of her classroom for lunch, voices filled my head as students walked pass me.

He’s always here when the class ends. Ugh, creep.

Oh, Edward Cullen.

God I need something more than sandwiches! Mince pie maybe. Tuna!

Literature homework, Biology report, basketball practice, picks up laundry...

And then I sorted out Angela Weber’s thoughts. Ben was so interested, I think. He’s such a nice person. I didn’t expect him to talk to me. Bella told me to ask him out. Should I do that? Bella looks so radiant today. I'm glad she’s happy…oh, math quiz in two hours!

Being able to help Angela was my little gratitude for her for always being such a nice person especially around Bella. Bella was happy? Because of me?

“Hey,” Bella’s voice was something I can never miss despite the noise.

“Hungry?” I smiled, happy to see her again even it was just an hour break.

“Sort of.”

We grabbed some food from the cafeteria and sat down at our usual empty table.

“So, what is your favorite book?” I asked after giving her a few moments to chew with her celery.

“Lots of them. Romeo and Juliet, I think.”

“That’s a play,” I pointed out.

She shrugged, while reaching out for a slice of pizza, “It’s literature, and it is beautiful.”

“They died,” I replied dryly. Romance stories have to have tragic endings to be remembered. And I bet the direction I’m heading with Bella has pretty much the same degree of calamity.

She stopped chewing momentarily. Looking up to meet my eyes, she said, “Yes they did. But they died loving each other. The path of true love never runs smooth.”

I felt my heart twitched, if it is even possible. Bella’s right. The path of true love never runs smooth, I recited. The way she said it, looking into my eyes, I don’t know what she meant. It has never been more frustrating—being able to read everybody else’s thoughts but the one and only person that I really wanted to, I couldn’t. Does she see us as true love? If she does, does she know the trouble awaiting her in the future with me being part of it? I shuddered to think. The way she interpret things, I'm sure as hell she doesn’t care even if she knows what she’s getting into.

Silly girl, I thought. I couldn’t tear my gaze off her. How much more endearing she could be?

“Edward?” she breathed. “Don’t do that,” she said in a low voice, setting down the unfinished pizza while carefully avoiding my eyes.

I was clueless for a brief second, “Do what?”

“Staring at me,” she blushed an adorable shade. “Not entirely a very comfortable—one-way exchange to sit through, if you must know.”

I chuckled, I tend to tense and stay very still when I'm thinking. Needless to say I forgot that at the same time I was staring at her. “My apologies, Bella. You could have made it a two-ways exchange to avoid awkwardness,” I laughed, sometimes I couldn’t help but to tease her. Her indignant self has always been very amusing.

“Well,” she stuttered, “That…wasn’t awkward…you—” she closed her mouth midway, glaring at me. “Don’t do that too!”

“What did I do wrong now?” barely holding back my snickers, I was wondering what made her stuttered. Nevertheless, I’m still very amused.

“Flirting!”

My snickers turned into laughs.

“Oh shut up, Edward.”

“First I can’t give you gifts. And then I was told I'm not supposed to stare and flirt. Now I'm not allowed to talk too?”

She grabbed her slice of pizza and chewed a little too hardly, mumbling under her breath, “Male…vampires.”

I smirked. “Let’s start from where we sidetracked, shall we?”

She glared.

“So what is your favorite animal?”

“Dog.”

“Favorite cake?”

“Vanilla,” she answered. A random thought popped in my head. Her scent has a tinge of vanilla…and jasmine, I suppose. Lavender?

“Favorite fast food?”

“McDonalds. Double cheese burger.”

“Shopping?”

“Not much.”

“Christmas?”

“Yeah.”

“Beach? Sunny…desert?”

“Used to.”

“Used to?” I cocked my eyebrow. I remembered her telling Jessica she missed beaches.

“I kind of like it here,” Bella replied. “Forks.”

“I thought you hated rain,” I stated. That was one of the few things she told me about when we had our first conversation.

“Still hate it pretty much,” she smiled. “There is something more here.”

“Charlie?”

She nodded. “Believe me he can’t cook for nuts.”

“Favorite gemstone?”

“Topaz.”

I wondered. “Why?”

She quickly averted her eyes to the window and flickered back to me and finally ended on the plate. “Because—topaz is pretty.”

I scoffed, “Bella, lie harder. You’re not trying.”

“It’s the birth stone of November!” she insisted indignantly.

“Alright alright,” I held up my palms. “Tell me then, why?”

With a sour tone she answered, “I told you.”

What was there to hide about her favorite gemstone? It wasn’t like I hadn’t asked her more personal questions before. “Tell me,” I commanded, frustrated that she kept her eyes away from me.

Finally, she loosened up. “It’s the color of your eyes today,” she sighed. “I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I’d say onyx.”

I went still for a moment. My eyes? That’s certainly something new. If so she will notice if I have been hunting. Why wouldn’t she? My heart sunk. She was looking down at her hands on her lap. I can hear her heart beating faster. Was she embarrassed or nervous? Either way, I have no rights to feel upset about it. I have long accepted what I have become. Fluorescence eyes.

Tearing my mind off the matter, I decided not to ruin the day.

“What kinds of flower do you prefer?”

She sighed in relief and smiled. “Lavender.”

* * * * * * * * * *

We continued the day to Biology. I can hear Mr. Banner’s thoughts before he entered the room with the audiovisual cart— biology documentation again. As the teacher approached the light switch, I slide my chair slightly farther away from Bella as casually as I could.

The previous Biology period was a mistake. I let myself sat close to her and the electricity hummed between us was enough to charge the whole room. Being that close to her only made me want to be closer still. The pull grows stronger as I got closer, and my own thoughts of warning shrieked louder in my head. Knowing I have failed controlling myself miserably the other day, I have promised myself that I would savor the memory and keep an appropriate distance. With me she is far more precious and fragile than she already is.

At the corner of my eyes I saw her leaned forward on the table, resting her chin on her folded arms. She balled her fist. The same posture she held. She was too, restraining from physical contacts with me.

I forcefully tore my eyes from her. It has got to stop here. With superb tactile sense does not mean I wouldn’t hurt her. I am danger spelt literally. The closer I get, the attraction and temptation grew in force. A teenage boy probably will annotate it as raging hormones, or physical attraction. But for me, it was much more intricate.

Not once during the whole hour did she look at me. Her eyes stayed fixed on the television but her body stayed tense and rigid throughout the whole video. What wouldn’t I give up for her thoughts right now. All the questions I have been asking her had barely scratched the surface of her character. It was so perplexing. For one moment I could be the happiest man on earth knowing she returns my feelings for her and for another moment I am totally tormented with her fate. With me. Bella was like a soap bubble—fragile and ephemeral. Temporary.

She will be one of us someday, Edward. When the image flashed you were there and you saw it. Alice’s voice ringed in my head. I wouldn’t want to transform her. I wouldn’t want to be the one who takes everything away from her.

But how else would I live if I were to leave her? I could leave silently, allow her to age and live like any other normal human would. It is nature. It is only natural. But her funeral will be the day I leave too. To where she will be going.

The lights flickered on. “Your reports are to be handed in by next week completed with diagrams. Alright off you go!” Mr. Banner dismissed the class as Bella finally stole a glance at me. She looked worried. Can she see the pain on my face?

I rose in silence and waited for her to pack her things. For the first time of the day we walked silently to her gym class. I peeked at her from the corner of my eye. How long would she be with me like this? It was never going to be the same for the rest of her life—within my arms reach.

I allowed myself one selfish moment. I raised my hand and gently stroked her face. I don’t want to lose you, Bella, I whispered inside.

90 years I lived, and none have filled the hidden void inside me, stinging within. Eating me inside out—the loneliness. Feeling helpless that I couldn’t die.

Seconds ticked by, I searched her eyes. I waited for a sign of assurance. Maybe a tilt of the head towards my hand or a smile would do. If she wants me to stay I will. If she wants me to leave, I would too. Right from the start, it’s all about her.

And then I felt her cheeks warming against my cold skin. She gave me a blush instead. She bit her lower lip and looked down. Let me see those eyes. Tell me what you’re thinking Bella. I silently pleaded. I moved my hand to cup her chin. Within fraction of seconds I stopped and retrieved my hand. I sighed. Enough.

Without saying a word, I forced myself to turn and walked away.

Chapter 12 (B): Complications

Author's Note: This will be my version of the remaining discontinued chapters of the Midnight Sun. This chapter will be continued from where Stephenie Meyer had left it. I know its a little too long, so I'm trying to keep it as short as possible. My continuation of Chapter 12 will be separated into two parts. Last part will be uploaded within this week. Second attempt on fanfiction, I hope I'm doing it right...hehe. Read and review? :D

P/S: if you have not read Stephenie's chapters on Midnight Sun, you can get it from her official website here. The direct link to download the pdf file, click here. Her books are awesome! Go get it!

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Stephenie Meyer, various publishers including but not limited to Little, Brown and Company, Time Warner Book Group, and Summit. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Chapter 12

Complications

...........Alice’s vision during lunch flashed as I was leaving Bella’s house. My hands tightened around the stereng, eyes filled with anxiety and fury.

...........The meadow.

...........I replayed the last scene Alice shown me. A bright circle of sunlight casts an almost shimmery glow around the meadow. The one and only quiet place where I could count on being alone, safe and free from clouding thoughts of others. But this time, Bella was with me. Too close to be comfortable. She lay underneath me with her eyes closed, my lips hovered at her jaw, an almost foreign desire so pronounced in my face—

...........I rammed the break sending the tires screeching to an abrupt halt as though stopping the car would stop the vision from overpowering my senses. I was panting hard. That vision, it can go two ways. Was that why Alice was in tension and horror when she had the vision? Was I going to end her life there, when all I wanted to do was to show her my personal hideout? Have I disappointed everyone who had faith in me, seeing me as Bella’s unlikely protector? Or, was it something…else?

...........Like a tacky, tattered blanket, a cloud of despair smothered me. Disgust for myself burning like a fire without warmth. I’ve betrayed her trust. Saturday was the day I was going to kill her.

...........No.

...........Tires screeching again, this time reaching towards the white marble house in the forest.

...........“Alice!” as I left my car at the porch, fuming at myself, I look for the only person who can decipher the vision right.

...........Alice appeared right at the bottom of the stairs, grinning.

...........“Alice, explain. Saturday.”

...........Can I talk to her yet? Come on, Edward!

...........“What was that you saw at the café Alice? At the meadow, was I going to kill her?” I gritted my teeth at the last few words.

...........Alice’s grin faltered, her eyes searched for mine. “Is that what the vision mean?”

...........Various pairs of eyes rested on me. Rosalie and Emmett stopped in the middle of their conversation and Esme froze beside the vase of flower she was arranging. Alice took a step forward. “Why did you think so?”

...........“Because right from the start, I didn’t deserve the confidence pledged in me,” I replied bitterly.

...........Should have gotten it over and done with. Rosalie huffed in her thoughts, knowing well that I would hear her.

...........Esme rested her hands on my shoulders. She sighed. “Edward, it is probably not what it seemed to be.”

I turned to her, seeing the pain in my eyes reflected in hers. I wanted to believe her. But I should have known better, “Not what it seemed to be? Do I want to take that risk?”

...........“Edward,” Alice whispered. Esme is right. I didn’t think that you were going to kill her when I saw that vision. I was horrified at first, and then—I realized something.

...........I looked at Alice, ignoring the slight twinge of hope warming my chest. “What?”

...........She gave me a faint smile. I thought you were going to get your first kiss.

...........That thought held my despair at bay for a moment. Could that be?

...........Esme squeezed my shoulder gently, “The sensation of doubt seems to always play the same game, Edward. It's so quick to choose the news about terror that you fear will happen, than to be held steady by the love in the chest.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

It never cease to amaze me how this girl right in front of me, wrapped in her blanket, twitching in her sleep could affect my mood so easily. Calm and stillness is like a nature to us, and ever since her life intervened mine, her every smile, every step and every look created small ripples in my once hidden, mundane existence. I sat on her old rocking chair, pondering on the little confrontation with Alice hours ago.

I have always been so sure about myself. Every step of mine used to have a purpose and rational behind it. Used to, I scoffed silently. And here I am, right now, so blinded by love just like any other humans would. Day by day, my fight with the monster in me longing for her blood has not become any easier. However, the emotions and protectiveness I felt for her were so empowering.

And I want to know about her more. Everything. What does she do when she’s bored? What kind of songs she listen to when she is upset? What are the things that frustrate her? Being around her is like a whole new experience. Not being able to grasp her thoughts behind those beautiful brown eyes got me guessing all the time. Always worrying, always anxious.

I walked towards her study table. Papers scattered around her computer. Doodles. I smiled. Books were stacked neatly at another corner of the table, all classics. I drifted my fingers across the spines of the books while I observed the collection of CDs she had. Just like the first time I was here, the one on top was just a clear jewel case. When I was about to reach for her CD player, I heard her breath turned heavier.

With the little furrow between her eyebrows and her trembling lips, “Edward,” she whimpered. “Please, no.”

...........I tensed, staring at her unopened eyes. She moved restlessly again, rolling to her side. She’s dreaming about me, and voicing her rejection. What could I possibly be doing in her dreams? I felt my dead frozen heart break, she knew, finally. I should have known that she would realize some day, that she deserved better. Was she afraid in her dreams?

I let my eyes lingered on her face for a few moments, willing myself to never put her in the position she was in her dreams. I forced myself to look away, turning towards the window and pulling another breath of her scent into my lungs. The thirst in my throat burnt strong but it felt distant somehow. It didn’t matter anymore. I will keep my distance from now on.

Turning towards the window, as I launched myself towards the lawn, I was stopped dead in my track.

...........“Stay,” she sighed. “Don’t go. Please, Edward…don’t.”

...........My name. She wanted me to stay with her, there in her dreams. And I saw that little smile on her face. I struggled to identify the emotions soaring through me. I had no words strong enough to hold them. I stood for a long moment, staring at her, drowning in the sudden influx of emotions.

...........When I surfaced, I'm not the same man I had been. All this while I have been jumping into conclusions, making my life with her harder than it already is. Gazing into her unconscious face, I realized, I would do anything to keep that little contented smile on her face.

Next: Chapter 12(C): Complications >>

You know Edward will be spending the day with Bella. Questions, questions, questions.