It’s Time
In keeping in line with the fresh start of this last IUI – new donor, new doctor, new year! – I’m making a fresh start to a new space in the blogosphere. Please update your readers and blog-links to my new address:
http://FutureExpectations.blogspot.com/
WordPress I’ll miss you but why can’t you accept JavaScript?!
I hope you’ll continue to be a part of my journey! I’ve copied over most of my posts and comments since the beginning of the year to my new space. I hope you feel right at home. :)
Graduation
Dr Doogie used words like ‘gorgeous’ and ‘perfect’ at my second viability scan today. Both babies are still measuring ahead of schedule – I am 7w3d but Baby A is measuring 7w4d and Baby B is measuring 7w6d. Heartbeats both look terrific. This is now the furthest along I have ever been.
Dare I say this is starting to sink in? Doogie gave me a “higher than 95% chance” both the babies would make it to delivery. Holy shit. He said he is so confident because of the way everything looks and how well they have grown in the last week. See for yourself –
It was bittersweet to leave SFC today. Dr Doogie even hugged me good-bye.
I called my new OB’s office this afternoon and after some question as to whether she would accept a “local transfer from another OB”, I’m in. My first appointment with the nurse practitioner is February 17th. That’s more than two weeks away!!! Lucky for me, work is busy this month. Between that and the new house plans, I’m hoping the days will go by quickly.
Thank you so much for the great comments!! I think I am just now in shock because I haven’t allowed myself to really believe this yet.
Decisions and Burps
It’s official. I got my yuck on! And I couldn’t be happier. Actually, I physically could be a lot happier but since the yuck is helping my anxiety, I’ll take it. I haven’t tossed my cookies but feel slightly hung-over every day. And the burping! It is non-stop. The yuck starts after I’ve been up for a little bit and hangs on until bed time. I’m not hungry at all and have to force myself to eat which just makes me feel bloated. I am drinking water – mostly small sips – and the act of putting food or drink in my mouth even though I’m not hungry helps with the nausea.
In other news, I think I made a decision on the new doctor. Or at least I’m leaning. I’ve decided to start with Doctor #1 – the woman doctor who has the small practice. I like that it’s a small practice and I like the hospital she delivers at. My only concern is the other hospital has the NICU. Ultrasounds are done at the hospital she delvers at which makes me happy – it is not done in the same office park as my current OB which is what I feared. I found this on her hospital’s website and it helped –
- If your pregnancy requires special care, our perinatologists—experts in the high-risk care—are on hand to consult with your physician. This on-site expertise includes ultrasound and other prenatal tests, so we can predict and prepare for every possible circumstance, even before your baby is born.
- [Our hospital] is the only community hospital with on-site perinatologists and a central fetal monitoring system linked to specialists at nearby [Big hospital w/NICU]. The [Big hospital] team includes the area’s only perinatologists and neonatologist who care for premature babies and newborns with special health needs. Our link with these specialists can often keep your baby with you in the Family Maternity Center’s Special Care Nursery, instead of moving the baby to another unit for this specialized care.
At the very least, I will start with her and as the pregnancy progresses, if I feel strongly that I should be delivering at the hospital with the NICU, I can change docs at that time. My current OB delivers at this same hospital and had I not wanted a fresh start with a smaller practice, I would have stayed with her and probably not thought a thing about it. Having twins does change it up a little bit but it’s still early on so for now, this is the plan. I hope I don’t live to regret it.
In other, other news I think I will be house hunting soon! While I live very close to where I work, it’s between twenty and thirty minutes from my mom and other local family and most of my friends. I need to be closer to them. It will be easier for me to get help when I need it. Not to mention, IF I have more than one baby, my tiny house is not ideal. Assuming all goes well at tomorrow’s second viability scan, I will be emailing my realtor to get the ball rolling. Even if things take a turn for the worst (please no) later on, I’m ready to move anyway.
New OB. Seeking Advice.
As I mentioned in my last post, I plan to switch OBs. While I like my current OB, she is part of a big practice and I haven’t seen her personally in years. Not to mention the bad memories of the last time I was there. Like the new donor, I’d like new karma and a new start*.
Dr Doogie recommended two doctors. I’ve done some online research for both of them and they both rate very well.
Doctor #1 is part of a smaller practice – only three doctors – and she delivers at a hospital known for its great nurses and warm and friendly atmosphere. Her office is adjacent to that hospital and she can walk over to see admitted patients if she needs to. Fabulous D delivered her twins at this hospital and said it was a great experience. In case of complications she also can deliver at the big hospital five minutes away with the NICU.
Doctor #2 is part of a larger practice. His practice has three offices but he only works out of one. He delivers at the big hospital with the NICU. He has a partner who is a high-risk specialist and both doctors are excellent surgeons according to Doogie should I need a C-section. (Doctor #1 can do C-sections as well.) Doctor #2 is Doogie’s family obstetrician and he joked that I would get special treatment if I mentioned his name.
Doctor #2 is in his early seventies with forty plus years of experience. Doctor #1 has been in practice for nearly twenty years. While I did not find bad reviews for either of these two doctors, I did find two bad reviews for the high-risk specialist who works with Doctor #2.
Ultrasounds for Doctor #1 are done in the same office park as my current OB. While I don’t think it is the same exact office, I need to find out. If it is, I’m not using her. Maybe it’s immature but I can’t imagine walking through those doors again. I would if I had to but since I don’t, it ain’t happening.
Ultrasounds for Doctor #2 are done in his office. Convenient.
I did read that the appointment wait times can be long for Doctor #2 and his staff got four out of five stars while Doctor #1‘s staff got five out of five stars. If I was to deliver at Doctor #1‘s hospital without the NICU and the baby/ies needed to be transferred to the NICU at the other hospital, I would be separated from them while I was recovering.
Such decisions!! Any advice is greatly appreciated. Both offices and hospitals are not far from each other so locations are not really a concern. One is male, one female – again not a concern for me.
What would you do? I don’t have a lot of time to go visit each office. Dr Doogie plans to send a letter to the doctor of my choice after my next appointment with him on Tuesday.
.
*This is all assuming this pregnancy moves forward. Yes, I’m trying to stay positive but the worry is still there in the back of my mind.
First Ultrasound
What an amazing day I had yesterday! Fabulous D joined me at the scan and Dr Doogie did the deed. Have I mentioned how awesome he is? Truly. Anyway, I could barely look at the screen at first and it took about ten seconds (which seemed like hours) for Doogie to say anything but then he said everything looked great so I looked. Two beating hearts! He told me to hold my breath to see one of them but when we went back to take more pictures there was no mistaking it.
Of course I asked a hundred nervous questions: Is everything measuring okay? Are the heartbeats strong? Are you sure there’s only two? Even when I wasn’t rambling, he was completely reassuring and I never feel rushed when I meet with him. Baby A was measuring I think 6w4d and Baby B, 6w3d. He said the gestational sacs are the same size even though they look different in the pictures. AND he was pretty much ready to release me! Then he asked if I wanted to come in again next week for another scan and before he could finish his sentence, I said, “Yes please!” I know graduating from the RE is the goal but the thought of it doing it again scares me. He made sure even though he is not on scans next week to fit me into his schedule.
We spent a lot of time talking about my OB/Gyn and I think I am switching doctors. I like my doctor but she is in a large practice with many doctors and I haven’t seen her personally in years. Not to mention when I think of walking through those doors again and especially the ultrasound office, I get knots in my stomach. I would be okay never going there again.
He gave me two OB names so I need to do my research. They deliver at two different hospitals and I am torn. I will probably be looking to my blogging friends for some advice on this but I will save that for my next post. :)
And now my babies’ first ever pictures! (sorry for the poor quality) Doogie called Baby B very photogenic and said I could name Baby A Adam which happens to be his first name. Then he said Baby A will probably be a girl! HA.
Two!
Two heartbeats! Both measuring a little ahead. Eeek! Details and pictures to follow later.
Still Here.
Hello blogland! Yep, just me. Still here. Waiting. Wait… ing.
Tomorrow marks six weeks.
Monday is the big day -will there be two? one? none?
Thank you for all the reassuring comments on my last post (and all the votes on my poll-post before that!). As for the sickness part, I think I can now say I have felt something late this week. Not quite sure what to call it – queasiness, nausea, or just plain ick. And since I am looking for it, I’m not completely convinced it isn’t self induced. Boobs are still sore off and on. Appetite might be up, tiredness might be up. Anxiety definitely up.
Still trying to keep the positive attitude. That comes and goes too but for the most part, it’s good. I am determined to be positive.
Happy weekend!
Less than 72 hours…..
The Post I Don’t Want You to Read
All that talk about optimism? All the great comments about how strong I am? New year, new attitude? Today I feel like it’s a bunch of crap. I don’t feel optimistic or brave. I don’t have a good attitude. I’m scared.
I’m scared that whatever may have been growing inside of me the past week isn’t anymore. I mean shouldn’t I feel pregnant? Shouldn’t I be tired, hungry, something? My boobs are a little bit sore. That’s it. I know I’m only in the fifth week but with hCG levels as high as mine, even those who said they didn’t have morning sickness said they were tired. And hungry. I don’t think I’m more tired or hungry than normal. I sometimes get up in the middle of the night to pee but most of the time, I don’t.
It seems ironic that Fat Chick bestowed upon me the Lemonade Stand Award which represents gratitude and/or a great attitude. While I appreciate the mention, today I don’t feel worthy.
I’ve read about it online: some don’t have symptoms, each pregnancy is different, morning sickness doesn’t usually start until the sixth or seventh week. It isn’t helping. Last time I had a few symptoms early. And then they stopped. And then I found out. This time I just don’t know.
I want to be brave. I don’t want those who support me to think I’m not brave. I don’t feel brave. I’m scared. I’m on the verge of losing the optimism I had four days ago.
Keeping the Optimism Alive and My First Poll
Astrid gave me this idea with her last comment. Please vote!
Notice zero is not an option. Aren’t you proud of me?
Gulp
Beta hCG today, 18dpIUI, = 3694!
The nurse called first to give me the news and schedule an ultrasound. THEN, about 40 minutes later, Dr Doogie himself called. He said he is very excited and joked that I am getting good at this. I replied, “Well, I’ve had a lot of practice!”
At first he said he thinks it is a strong singleton and then as he was reviewing my levels with me said, “Maybe there’s two sacs in there!” I thought it was awesome that he called me. It was a great surprise.
Next up: ultrasound, 1/25.
Eeek! (there’s that word again).
The (Baby) Elephant in the Room
I know you’re thinking it. I’m thinking it. The nurse said it. Gwinne said it. A beta as high as mine at 14dpIUI could mean ‘more than one’. I’ve been up and down the Internet looking for others with betas as high/higher than mine. I’ve found very few. The few I have found were multiples. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m single. One has always been the goal (“Me and BABY”). More than one has always been a possibility with IUI, but one has always been the goal. Two? Holy crap but I’ll manage. More than two???!?!? Can’t let my mind even go there!
Of the charts I found online, while some have me just barely squeaking in at the high end of normal singleton, another has me HIGHER than normal for twins. I called it, didn’t I?
Of course if RPL rears its ugly head, all bets are off.
I haven’t lost that upbeat attitude I had Saturday. I swear I haven’t. Just putting it out there. I know you’re thinking it and I am too. Oh yeah, and the nurse just called with today’s beta results. Ready? (I wasn’t!)
.
.
.
.
.
1287! Eeek. Testing again on Wednesday. Did I say eeek yet?
Bliss
Beta results are in and I am officially pregnant! (Yes, I said the p-word.) There really wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t have a positive result today with this lineup of pee sticks –
Here I am, fourth pregnancy in less than a year, and suffering from mixed emotions. I could talk again about my fears. It’s not like they aren’t still there. I could play it safe like last time, refusing to say the p-word too early. But did doing that make it hurt any less when I lost that baby? Nope. So really what’s the point in suppressing my joy and trying to convince myself that it’s just another Saturday? I think I will embrace this pregnancy and continue with the new year, new attitude.
I know there are no guarantees and my dreams could be shattered again tomorrow. I’m not saying I won’t be petrified for the next betas to come and, if I make it that far, future ultrasounds. I will be. I will also try to remember how I am feeling at this very moment: excited. And blissful.
Today’s beta at 14dpIUI = 422! (not a typo)
It’s a good thing I skipped the Dramamine.
It was hard to come back to work today after my vacation but seeing this helped. I know it’s early at only 11dpIUI and I know a million things can go wrong, but today I am happy! Blood test is Saturday.
So I’m a little late…
No, not late for that – not yet anyway. I’m late in wishing everyone a happy new year!
I’ve been on vacation celebrating the new year (or in my case, the END of 2009) with friends. And, since I’m in the 2ww, this was the first time flying where I haven’t taken pills for motion sickness in about 20 years. I’m happy to report natural remedies do work!
I’ve been trying to read your blogs as time allows and commenting (as well as posting) has been difficult from my mobile phone. I will be back to my online self in a few days after I leave these warm, sunny temperatures and return to the blizzard like conditons my hometown is currently enduring. *sigh*
I’m not sure if it’s from the time spent with good friends, the time off from work, my new donor, or the effects of sunshine from spending lots of time outside when I normally can’t in January, but I have renewed hope for 2010. And it’s hope for all of us.
Happy New Year!
IUI #8 & 2009 Recap
Let’s recap 2009, shall we?
This year alone –
- 5 inseminations: 3 positives, 1 negative, 1 to-be-determined.
- 2 anonymous sperm donors.
- 2 REs.
- 2 TTC breaks: April & July-August.
- 3 romances: 1 old, 2 new, none promising.
- 3 rolls in the hay. (all with “old” romancer also known as J)
- 360 days with a huge hole in my heart. (…and counting)
I had my eighth IUI this morning. And there must be something in the water over here because my new donor, a fair-skinned Swedish boy with light brown hair and blue eyes, had a sperm count of 79.8 million! I had a new-to-me nurse who thought I was there for my first IUI. I filled her in and told her of the past fun nurses have had with my runaway cervix and I think I scared her because she said twice that if she ‘couldn’t see anything’, she was going to get Dr. Snappy. (yikes!) Lukily, she had no trouble at all.
I can honestly say that 2009 has been the worst year for me. I’m ready to forget it and start off 2010 with some good news – good news that isn’t short lived.
Bye-bye 2009. May 2010 be the best year for all of us.
MeAndBaby's Blog 
leave a comment