Everything's Official About This

This will not be the only bullshit you’ll see this Women’s Day, you can be assured. You will see many more such advertisements that cry themselves hoarse on how a woman is a daughter, wife, sister, Ma, Paati all rolled into one and how you can shower your appreciation on her by buying a bigass diamond or washing machine.

The truth, however, is that it’s a downright pain in the ass to be all of these all at once. I’m pretty sure all the superwomen in your life would appreciate you better if you washed your goddamn shirt yourself instead of reclining on a chair and giving gyaan on the latest washing machines in town. Really, it’s so boring to keep watching women caring about shirts so much on TV. We don’t give a damn, honestly. If your boss fired you because your white shirt is not white enough, he’s probably insane. Or maybe he’s a retired PT Master.

There are so many things wrong with this particular video(apart from that painful Tu hi tu, tu hi tu…), but let’s start at the beginning. People who wear a dupatta while sleeping, raise your hands!

What?! Nobody?? OMG. All of you must be really normal women then.

In my mum’s time, it was enough if a woman was fair, slim, and homely. Now, you have to be all three plus a career woman who also doubles up as a traffic cop when required, it looks like. Throughout the song, this eerily smiling lady doesn’t have a hair out of place. From the range of things she does, one can deduce that she sleeps for twenty minutes at the most. And yet, she has no bags under her eyes. Arrey wah! We didn’t see her use Ponds Age Miracle, did we?

She’s not just traditional, she’s also modern, minddit. She has a job *clap, clap* and she’s so sweet, she doesn’t even bitch about her boss (a man, of course) who makes her work overtime. Funnily, this woman’s world seems to be populated only by men. The only other woman is the MIL who is sweet. A bit disappointing. I’d have enjoyed it better if she’d set her DIL on fire and the latter had gone up in smoke smiling as insanely as ever. Maybe we could have drawn out a comparison with Sita Devi there and applauded ourselves.

I’m really tired of seeing women who don’t get tired. Or pissed. On some days, I just wake up feeling pissed. I make carping statements, I invite fights, I act like my hair is on fire. In short, I make life difficult for people around me.

But I also believe that I’m effing worth the trouble.

I don’t need to be an angel to be wanted or loved. Because the people around me are not angels either. And I put up with their drama because I care about them. So why in god’s name do I have to keep smiling like a self-advertising dentist in order to be the perfect woman?

I’m also lazy, you see. On some other days, when I’m not pissed, I like sitting on the sofa like a well-fed cat, doing nothing at all. I also happen to think my life is perfect on those days. If I had a day like the woman in the video, you can be assured you’ll find corpses all around me.

*PFFFFFFFFFFFFTTT*

Okay, now let’s say something calm and collected.

Why are these ads so annoying? Simply said, women get enough shit as it is and we don’t need to be told that we’re morons who believe the shit is, in fact, 24 carat gold.

Womanhood is not about sacrifice. Womanhood is about being human in your own skin. It is about realizing that being human means you will age, lose your temper, lash out at the people you love, have selfish dreams, make mistakes, be unreasonable, dislike pain, love comfort, bear grudges, and in spite of all this, you are still awesome.

Dear Star Plus, I give you the finger. Buy yourself a bigass diamond ring and smile away.