the earth laughs in flowers

0 Comments:

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, March 6 2:19 AM

Hi kids listen to this story

Let me tell you a tale of lost innocence.

Once upon a time there lived a little girl named zhixin. She was a happy little J2 who donned her school uniform obediently everyday, went to school, crapped a lot, and mugged for stuff right before exams. She did this for the oh-so-overwhelming, frightening-as-hell, do-badly-and-you-have-no-future 'A' levels. She looked forward to a brighter future where she could lounge around in a warm and happy classroom setting, discuss views on theory, conceptualise random ideas, and live happily ever after.

Well she got some of that for some of her modules, but since this is a tale of a loss of innocence, we shall now proceed.

Armed with eight months experience of work, internship and games, and lots of tales from her dear dad that university was a breeze and the toughest part of schooling was well and over with, she arrived at the mighty, highly inefficient, non-cohesive, and totally hostile-to-noobs administrative gates of NUS.

And found out that the world is filled with liars. You know, those who gave her the image of a nice Hawaiian beach and lots of hot virgin hunks to trick her into studying hard for A levels. That's her religion by the way. You get rewarded with a landscape of your choice along with a harem of hunks who will feed you peeled grapes if you're good and believe in god. And you don't even have to suicide-bomb anything.

Moral of the story: NEVER BELIEVE IN FAIRY TALES. Unless, of course, you end up like rita who says life is an oasis right now.

Here Oasis pops in to end this note off with a pessimistic soulful tune, "MAYBE I WILL NEVER BE, ALL THE THINGS I WANNA BEEEE"

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Friday, November 19 12:47 PM

Why I am heterosexual

or, the moment that zhixin realises she has been neglecting her blog/s. And her poetry. And about everything that was relevant to her life one year ago. Except for a few select friends. But ok that's not relevant to the topic of this blogpost today, which is rather too trite to be posted on livejournal. I do try to maintain the best of impressions on my lj.

On the other hand this might not be that trite since it can be justified as thinking through the various decisions in your life, which everyone knows is a Good Thing. Especially when you weigh both sides. Any GP teacher will tell you that.

The reason why I am heterosexual and not homosexual, or not yet bisexual if any homosexual tendencies have laid dormant all these years, is because I find boys adorable.

Now it's not that I don't find girls adorable. It's just that I tend to notice how adorable boys are first, before I get to the girls. Also, I spot more adorable boys than girls. Mostly because I devote some energy to looking out for them.

One of the most adorable things about boys is their singularity of purpose. While some girls are perplexed by this, this is one of the things I am most amused by, as well as most admire them for. You have to admit-- it is quite difficult a feat to be preoccupied by one thing, and one thing only, for a long stretch of time. And yet they manage to do it so masterfully. It is truly an amazing and mysterious trait. And because I have yet to get enough of this trait I actually chose a course where the boys here specialise in such a trait. Now you know why I am here-- to boy-watch. No actually I'm kidding.

Another thing I find adorable about some boys is the size of their egos. Now, not all huge egos are adorable. It is those brilliant huge egos which are adorable. What is a brilliant huge ego? Turn your eyes towards the direction of the esplanade when it's noon. That is what a brilliant huge ego looks like. It sparkles.

Mind you, this is an ego, not the whole person. The latter, normally described with bone white skin and lots of glitter, is not exactly what you'd like for dessert. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Their ability to spin out a whole bubble of irrelevant bullshit is also a marvel to me. You have to be careful about this again though, there are different classes of bullshit. The one-liner bullshit is not mysterious. It is those bullshit that can be continued on for two and a half conversations or more that is truly astounding. They develop it point by point, example by example, form real life scenarios for it, and basically sculpt them into a breathing being. Now that's impressive.

The last I'm going to come out with in today's very enlightening discussion is a very classic trait: some boys are just adorable when they teach you what they know. Maybe that explains why I'm oh-so-crushing on my professor/s, oh... (prof ben do you think you can give me more exp for this, hint)

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Monday, September 13 6:59 PM

Onos teh gamer trap

So recently following my (eccentric) course choice of computing in media and communications, I posed a question to myself and the general audience inside my head: "WHICH GAME MAKER DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GAMES ARE LIKE?"

Fate promptly sent gan along my way who brought his macbook for godknowswhatreason to our dinner. We all know he planned it all along to ensnare unsuspecting girls into his gamer trap: ask someone out for a meal, and then bring his game-video-loaded laptop along to innocently show them some interesting videos. Wait, that wasn't very innocent.

And that was the story of how I got drunk on two starcraft II videos and decided I had to lay my hands on this thing called real time strategy games.

If the devil falls, he likes to drag many people along with him as well. This is how my plan worked:
1. ask pang to lan
2. pang says ask more people
3. kevy says she doesn't want to spend money for an internet connection outside
4. we decide to go my house
5. conveniently rita has this thing called a brother
6. she gets persuaded by zhixin to steal his warcraft games
7. zhihua gets invited as well
8. the three noobs (rita, zhixin and zhihua) try their hand at the frozen throne (the other two didn't have their laptops)
9. the room fills with shrieks going "DON'T ATTACK ME I'M STILL BUILDING UP MY BASE" and zhixin types "GG" and quits game
10. zhihua brings a copy of the frozen throne (and all its admirable maps including cough dota) home

And this is the story of how zhihua transmitted that infectious abominable virus over to yuling and jnanee.

And this is also the story of how four noobs came together to ~~get pwned by AI heroes~~ take over the world.

This is also the story leading up to yesterday night, better known for its semi-final match between spain and germany. (Paul the octopus laughs at those disbelieving noobs with the initials hw and hq who doubt teh power of teh psychic octopus from inside his sacred tank)

While waiting for the match that would give paul his much-deserved last laugh, haoqin said "LET'S PLAY SOMETHING".

Zhi Xin, who has just played a highly stressful dota game with zhihua, 2 other AI allies, 1 disconnected jnanee and 2 AI enemies (the question you should ask now isn't "HOW IS THIS STRESSFUL?? WHEN YOU HAVE FOUR V TWO AT LEAST??" because you should have known the answer was "BLOODY HELL WHAT'S UP WITH THAT TEMPLAR DUDE I CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM AND HE POPS UP RIGHT BESIDE ME AND HE'S BLACK ZOMG HOW DO YOU SEE A BLACK HERO?" but-- uh wait there shouldn't be any questions), answered "UH NOT DOTA PLZ"

This is how zhihua, zhixin, haoqin and haiwei came together to play Uther Party Extreme.

What generally happened in the 8 mini games of uther party extreme:

- In a kill-everyone-to-win mini-game, zhixin will spend the first five seconds trying to figure out what's happening. If she hasn't died by then, she will spend the next few seconds trying to figure out how to wield her sword. While trying to figure all these out, zhixin and zhihua will be standing aside watching haiwei and haoqin try to kill each other.

And then promptly get killed by the victor.

Who, more often than not, is haiwei.

- In a try-to-stay-alive minigame, it takes zhixin the death of her hero before figuring out what certain terms like "blight", as in "stay on the blight to stay alive", means.

- zhixin can do typing games ok. Probably the only thing she knows what to do two seconds into the game. Instead of the usual five.

Which means haiwei doesn't win. Neither does zhixin. Haoqin becomes the winner by pure luck that both zhixin and haiwei screwed up a word order.

- When left with two survivors in any mini-game, cheers of "GO WHOEVER-THAT-IS-NOT-HAIWEI" will ring out.

Haiwei still wins anyway.

After that at one plus am with an hour plus to go till the match, haiwei insisted on playing his ladder, aka warcraft III.

Zhixin suggested haoqin, zhihua and zhixin ally together to whack haiwei.

While greeted with enthusiastic approval, they finally settle on a zhixin, zhihua, haoqin and haiwei ally team against four computer teams.

The game was won without much participation from zhixin, who preferred to spend her time building towers around her base. By the time she joined the rest she gaped at the level 11 heroes of hq and hw while doing a double-take at the level one status of her own hero.

Zhihua assures zhixin she was doing the same, but obviously she spent her time building nuclear weapons because she ended up with a much higher score than zhixin.

The sight of four huge armies getting in each other's way while trying to destroy the computer's base is, to put it mildly, arresting. I apparently killed hq's hero as well while joining in the fray with my hero's blizzard. It's ok he got killed later by hw's hero so I'm not the only one going around whacking ally's heroes.

And now I'm waiting for yuling zhihua and jnanee to journey over to the east for another round of lanning. All the boys would have passed this stage 5 years ago. Or not.

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Thursday, July 8 1:22 PM

They're going to haunt you till you die~

I have found a pattern of recurring dreams!

Do you ever have those dreams where you are supposed to get to somewhere at a certain time, but somehow everything seems to distract you or things go wrong, you end up in the wrong direction and you just can't seem to get there? I can remember at least two of these and am sure there are more than two, the most recent one being yesterday night. Wonder what this says about me. Like maybe, propensity to be late? Obstacles blocking my goal? Distracted easily? Avoidance? My life sucks?

This is how the one yesterday went:
I was supposed to meet yanwei and haoqin at khatib at 11am and I was with zhihua and yuling. We took the train and went down on a certain stop with at least two ticketing barriers. We went past them, only to realize that the stop was the airport stop (no, it was not called changi airport) and going past the ticketing barriers cost 15 bucks. Okay those are some expensive barriers meant to deter you from getting out of the country to spend your money elsewhere.

Talking about airports I've gotten quite a few dreams about them too. Big scary sparkling planes and glass passageways into those planes. Lots of sunlight.

And talking about trains i remember at least another dream with this whole random extension of the MRT line beyond boon lay area. Insert more sunlight here. Obviously my dreams are used to the Singapore climate, although I did dream about snow at least twice. Once in singapore and the other time in perak. Both times it made perfect dream sense that it was snowing in those two areas. For the perak one I remember thinking, Hey it doesn't snow in singapore! Then I turned and saw this sign with a huge PERAK on it and somehow I thought Oh okay that makes sense. Following which I started packing up snowballs for snow fights and rolling down snow hills. And no, I have never seen snow. Unless you count snow city snow.

So we went back through the barriers and took another train to transfer at some interchange, only to find out it was in the wrong direction. By then I was 45 minutes late and I got a call from hq asking WHERE ARE YOU?

At least in this dream I got there eventually although I was feeling extremely sheepish about being so stupid. WHY CAN I NOT GET TO THIS PLACE AFTER ALL. IT'S JUST THE FREAKING MRT. It's like those spells around Hogwarts in Harry Potter where people remember about all their various appointments when they want to go near the place. In the other one I remember I was eight hours late and I just kept getting sidetracked into doing other things like helping random people and I didn't manage to get there before I woke. Which makes for a sucky feeling when I wake because I just want to get there to meet whoever I'm supposed to meet.

Actually I think I know where this dream came from, must be all that navigating around suntec trying to find out where tower three was and being late for my interview. Oops.

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Thursday, April 29 12:20 AM

Aunt Agony speaks

Now I was on the bus yesterday listening to my handphone with limited songs, when this particular line of this chinese song struck me. It said, "You said love can't be founded by only one person's efforts" and my mind jumped its associations to: THE BRIDGE GAME I WAS PLAYING BEFORE I WENT OUT.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the first one to think of this association okay.

What happened in that bridge game was I had 15 points and 6 hearts (lol hearts!!!) so I was pretty excited, since 15 points is enough for a 1nt opening bid on a balanced hand! So I opened 1 heart to indicate at least 12 points and 5 card hearts. My opponent overcalled 1spade. I waited in anticipation for my partner to give me that affirmative nod.

TO MY DISAPPOINTMENT, MY PARTNER PASSED.

So I thought, okay, my partner has sad points and no heart support. Maybe if I rebid hearts my partner will realize I have wonderful six carder hearts and so tell me that he has a doubleton! Which is what I did. I rebid 2h. The next opponent passed, ...and my partner passed yet again, but hey, 2h should be an okayish contract. Except the other opponent who had been passing suddenly decided to bid something totally random.

Of course I should have let it be and tried to down it.

But no, after all this excitement over a 6-carder heart hand and good enough points after a long barren streak of passing, how could I let it go?!? So my itchy fingers went to bid 3h, which was doubled (grr) and passed over.

When dummy's hand was unveiled, I fmled.

Void in hearts.

Means my opponents had more hearts than me and I was missing K and J to them.

Well needless to say it was downed by one. None of the 3h 4h contracts made, 2h was the right contract for my side.

ANYWAY THE POINT IS, IMAGINE A RELATIONSHIP AS A BRIDGE GAME.

In the above scenario, this fit the song lyrics perfectly! I HAD SIX HEARTS AND MY PARTNER HAD NONE. I was holding the fort for the whole trump suit! I was like the selflessly giving partner trying to maintain the screwed up relationship! Which went down anyway despite not being at game level (aka 4h)!

Remember little kids, if you end up in such a relationship you are likely to go down. As the chinese song lyric tells you and as my bridge game tells you.

HOWEVER, in special circumstances you might not go down! Say your partner has a wonderful side suit (actually he did, he had lots of clubs but I couldn't run them because the opponents were having a field day at the start with my losers) and adequate support for the other suits so that your opponents don't get to run their honours. Okay for this analogy to work the opponents of a relationship shall be fate, friends, commitments, lifestyles, etc. In such a case, even though your partner might have void hearts, you're still able to make your contract because both of you are great enough!

To draw a parallel to this greatness let us take you and your partner as souls which are independently wonderful enough as individuals, and so together you merge forces and rule the world!

Of course, a 4h contract isn't the best thing you can get in a bridge game, which probably means both of you weren't so awesome that you could rule the world.

Let us now separate the types of relationships into suited and non-suited.

Trying to find a good match would be like trying to find a fit during bidding. If during the bidding you find out you have some brilliant 9 card fit your relationship is in all probability going to be superb! This is because both of you think so similarly that conflicts are minimal. So this is the likes attract kind of relationship. However, how great your relationship can get (a world of difference between 4h and grand slam in hearts) depends on how much of a fit you find and how many points you share. Maybe both of you suck in points but hey, you all have void every other suit and a great 11 card fit! This would be the SO SIMILAR THAT NOTHING CAN GO WRONG relationship. Ok, unless you suck as a declarer. Which is me at times. Or maybe you all only have a 8 card fit but great honours everywhere! This would be the SOME SIMILARITIES, BUT BOTH INDEPENDENT ENOUGH TO SUSTAIN BY ONESELF kind of relationship. Which works too!

And of course, there is the non-suited contract, aka no trump!

No trump can be divided into slams and games, ie 6nt vs 3nt (we leave 7nt out of the discussion since I have never done 7nt before). Contrary to popular belief, 3nt can be harder than 6nt! This is because if you bid up to 6nt, chances are you probably have almost every existing honour already. Both of you are awesome all-rounders and lack at most, hopefully, one honour. This makes winning tricks a breeze because if honours aren't going to take the tricks, what is? However, if you land into a 3nt contract, it means you have SOME points, but not enough to go up, and who knows, maybe you ended there because you couldn't find a fit in any other suit and decided that nt was a good idea.

No it wasn't.

Ok yes it was, I am told, as opposed to a 5-minor suit game. Since you get about the same points for both but you need to win two more tricks for the minor suit game.

Too bad, I hate 3nt anyway.

Why? Let me paint you a real scenario. I was the happy defender in this game.

My opponents had bid up to 3nt, as you probably guessed. Except they probably bid up to 3nt without finding out that they were sad in spades. Now this defender over here had 5-carder spades, and was itching to down their contract by running spades. The problem is, this defender lacked the ace in spades. So she led a small spade out. And hoped.

And the goddess of hope answered with an ace by my partner.

My partner, being a smart creature, led another spade out. For some reason the queen of spades of the declarer dropped (I don't know if he had doubleton spades, or he was daydreaming) and obviously I won it with my king. Now that the queen was gone, the field was clear. J next, and the other two spades, and HAH TOO BAD FOR THEIR 3NT CONTRACT. To top things off my partner had an ace in another suit which I found.

See, picture yourself as the 3nt declarers.

This is the case where you two probably think you are awesome in some ways, and are trying to find stoppers in the suits that you aren't so awesome in. If you are lucky and you are a great declarer, your 3nt will go through because you both just happen to match like jigsaw pieces. However, in other cases like my bridge game which I have just demonstrated, you end up fmling and going down. Because no, you do not have all the stoppers (uh you all weren't opposite enough to make it a great opposites attract and stay together relationship?) and you weren't independently wonderful enough.

That concludes my insights on THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN BRIDGE AND RELATIONSHIPS. Signing off, the greatest and most helpful aunt agony in the world. Hope the bridge analogies helped your love life.

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, April 18 6:15 PM

SERIUZ ARTICLE HERE ABOUT ELITISM, sorry no laughs

Ok so I just read that article on elite schools which was out on sat. (Groan, another article on elitism? What's new?)

Now one question that I always think of while reading such articles is-- why is it always the elite school students who cannot connect to the so-called masses? Why is it always them who lack empathy and humility? And then later, why are they the ones who are always in a "bubblewrap", blind and deaf to the "reality" of life? (I quote, "These are people who live for years without having to step outside their comfort zone, leading a bubble-wrapped existence. The sooner that wrap is removed, the better.")

The reality of life isn't explicitly defined. However, the author did say, "My work as a journalist also quickly brought me crashing down to earth. Loftiness goes out of the window when you have to talk to everyone from politicians to cancer patients to victims of natural disaster." I assume the reality of life here is disease, disaster and probably poverty as well. The idea is that because elite school students normally get into good occupations and normally mix around with the same circles, they never really understand what the outside world is like.

And then of course the assumption is the vice versa, non-elite school students know about this reality. Why? Now a very elitist thinking underlies this assumption which is what is ironic about such articles. The idea is that they mix around with the "lower" rungs of society who define what reality is like, because most of them do not get society-defined top-notch occupations. Disclaimer, I am merely stating what I feel is the assumption they have, not my personal opinion. And because of this, they are assumed to have more empathy and humility than your average elite school student, and also, when elite school students fail to connect with other people, it is their fault for being too engrossed in their own world.

Does anyone smell anything fishy here?

Something I'm wondering, who is not engrossed in his own world after all? Does your non-elite school student go out of their way to mix around with people not in their normal sphere of contact? Presumably they don't need to, since they are assumed to be in touch with "reality" already. And why is it so important that elite school students know this "reality"? This is an extension of the elitist assumption just now: top-notch occupations include government occupations, which makes their responsibility heavier.

I'm not saying this isn't valid. It's important for the government to know what it is like across all the classes of society. Right now I'm just curious about this whole blame game.

Let us now trace this blame game back to its origins: why is it that elite school students somehow get into a bubble wrap in the first place?

This, on further thought, is about the same question I kept having in my head when I was in the best class in P6. Somehow all the teachers had this altogether different standard of behaviour for us to keep, and almost all the lesson time we had was spent lecturing us on acts like, get this, walking around in bedok interchange. This is supposedly a very delinquent act because we were supposed to be at home 24/7 mugging. The question I had then was: Why is it that something such as best class meant we had to have the best behaviour when we only got in because of our grades?

And this is how it was like in RGS: "The public have phoned in to complain about you girls sitting on the MRT train and talking loudly." "We have received a phonecall about one of our girls being intimate with a boy on the MRT train." "As a RGS girl such behaviour is unacceptable."

Herein lies society's assumption: with good grades, you are expected to have the best behaviour. An educated population has a lower crime rate etc because you understand the consequences of your actions, so this is translated to this stereotype as well. And it works, because such expectations have a bearing on your perception of yourself. But what does it mean when society has such double standards? ...Society itself is elitist. We knew that all along, didn't we. Why not expect your neighbourhood school students to behave properly as well? Why give them greater leeway? Because of their family backgrounds, which are supposedly generally worse off? Therefore it's not their fault?

I'm not saying that it is their fault. It is true that elite school students are more well off, have less family problems, are less likely to be from abusive backgrounds. It's a vicious cycle here. Because of this they have higher expectations heaped on them, because of these expectations they behave better, and then they associate with the "better" crowd and do not understand "reality", and so do not have "empathy" and cannot connect with the rest. But hey, it's not their fault too, stop writing all those articles about the snobbishness of elite school students- maybe they are just as awkward as anyone else. Maybe even more.

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Tuesday, April 6 3:18 PM

The mutual exclusiveness of culture and city?

Follow this line of reasoning here:

1. In order to be economically successful, a country has to be efficient (efficiency means high productivity, means ideas become concrete at a faster rate, means changes are responded to almost immediately, and everyone knows adaptability is crucial in any realm - biological, economic, political - in order for survival.)

2. Efficiency does not require distinctiveness; in fact, the less different your processes or workers are, the more efficient you become. Principle of specialization in work here. Factory processing is the fastest way to churn out huge volumes of products, and it demands homogeneity not only for a certain minimum standard but also for its speed. The larger your supply of goods, the less the price, the more the consumers. Of course we assume a high quality for every good, as well as limited resources so you can't just churn out as much as you want.

3. In order to be efficient countries congregate resources together for external economies of scale. The nearer various firms are to each other, the faster they can feed each other resources. This means the forming of cities.

4. Since the principle underlying cities is efficiency, and since efficiency demands homogeneity, it follows that cities lack culture (culture is what makes you distinctive) - and hence, all cities are alike.

5. Whatever shreds of culture cities can lay claim to can only come from their long years of history, where certain practices were developed before industrialization, and still retained. Whatever is retained is likely because they have marketing value, for example food. Even religion has marketing value. What do I mean by marketing? A means to spread something, whether it is a product, a practice or a belief, over a large number of people. You might not like the economic connotations that come with it, but as long as there is a large crowd, money can be made.

6. What about characterization? That might also be retained since people normally mingle around with fellow citizens and upbringing is a huge influence on your character. That will probably be the truest form of culture any city can say they have. After all the different practices are merely manifestations of different characters.

7. But technology means that we interact with yet another culture online, and since the internet is global, homogeneity ensures, perhaps not fully, but (arguably?) for a huge part of characters.

8. Travel is a form of escapism to experience something different. If cities are the same, and man-made attractions are the same, why would you travel to another city based simply on the pull of its man-made attractions? Reasons you go to a place for leisure can include
a) the scenery
b) the 'culture' (whatever's left that's viciously marketed)

9. Singapore is a very efficient and technologically advanced city.

10. Since there are no natural landscapes in Singapore, and also not much to speak of in our culture that can induce a cult following (things you can think of probably only extend to food. Characters? We don't assert ourselves enough to be interesting. Cultural practices? All faded out, with those practising it a minority; whatever events we hold for them are exhibitions. Art? What art?)

...what can we use to attract tourists?

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, March 28 2:22 PM

The guilty body

I love the way cliches can be used to explain virtually every difficult situation.

For example, one of my favourites is "in a moment of weakness". I love how we all have moments of weakness and moments of strength and in those moments of weakness it is more acceptable to do anything wrong. Nobody ever does anything wrong "in a moment of strength". In fact nobody ever mentions moments of strength. Kind of unfair isn't it, I mean if you want to categorize your moments you should do it completely and not just label the moments of weakness. For example, if you manage to become the richest person in the world by dropping out of school, you say "that was a moment of strength". If you're just brushing your teeth maybe you should say "that was a neutral moment". If you are embezzling funds you should go "welll that needed some strength and quite some coherent thinking, but because it's something wrong, I shall just say it was a moment of weakness." Yes remember kids, we only do wrong things in moments of weakness. If you chop someone's tree you should admit it and go "IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS. I SAW THE TREE THERE AND I COULDN'T RESIST."

Another of my favourites is "one thing led to another". This is best used with a moment of weakness, for example when you are having sex. It normally follows after touching, kissing and/or wine-drinking, and occurs so naturally that it's almost like a routine. In fact if you didn't have sex after touching, kissing and/or wine-drinking-- uh are you human? It's like D follows after C follows after B follows after A so what is A B C without D?? We are all merely following a procedure, so it's not really our fault. Blame it on whoever said D had to follow after A B C.

Which brings me to my favourite excuses to use when you're convicted in court, or accused of something. DEPRESSION. PSYCHOTIC DISORDER. SEX ADDICTION. Omg these are really my favourites out of all my favourites, how you can almost completely shrug off any responsibility because YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE. YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR BODY. AN ILLNESS HAS TAKEN OVER YOU, AND IT'S AS REAL AS FLU OR HEART ATTACK. YOU'RE LIKE-- LIKE-- LIKE A PRISONER WITHIN YOUR OWN BODY. Yes, wiki the above and identify each symptom that you have. I quote, "A person suffering a major depressive episode usually exhibits a very low mood, which pervades all aspects of life, and an inability to experience pleasure in activities that formerly were enjoyed. Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self-hatred." Oh dear do you have those feelings too? I thought so. Let's all murder someone we hate, perhaps we can direct the self-hatred to that person. Ah shit I'm depressed. I feel like a loser. Why did I not score that distinction for H3. I feel like a failure. I can't enjoy going out to eat dinner anymore. Could it be because the night before I took a little more time than usual to brush my teeth. I should be hung for it. No someone should be hung for it. WHO. OH YEAH I REMEMBER MY FRIEND CALLED ME THAT NIGHT AND MADE ME CHAT FOR FIVE MINUTES. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVERRRRR FORGIVE HIM I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO I NEED TO

Oh yeah I think about sex all the time I should go out there and hook up with a few boys. Man why can't you all sympathise it's not my fault my body is so hungry. It's like all of you people have three needs air water and food and I have four. Society is such a harsh judgmental place. I hate myself. -repeat above paragraph bottom few lines-

The thing I love the most about these cliches is how our bodies are so uncontrollable when we do wrong things but the right things are done when we're in control, in moments of strength, are not prisoners in our own bodies, do not suffer from any disorders, are not following any prescribed procedures. In any other situation, blame your body. Your mind is innocent.

0 flowers

0 Comments:

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, March 14 4:52 PM

Presenting a multi-billion dollar art piece

Titled Love and Loss, it is the first of a series of Zhi Xin's masterpieces, destined to be auctioned off for nothing under 56 billion dollars! And that's UK pounds, mind you, not monopoly money. The amount of significance behind this work is astounding! The artist shall attempt to let you all gain an understanding of the profound meaning behind this work, although words are never enough to describe its sheer depth. But being the ever-so-altruistic artist that she is, aiming to enlighten people who are not naturally artistically inclined, she will try her best.

The three boxes represent the three dimensions of time-- the past, the present and the future. Being overwhelmed by the past is a tendency most of us fall into simply because the past provides our only yardstick for comparison, and so is represented by the biggest box-- the amount of space it takes up in our lives is directly proportional to the sizes of the boxes. See those crosses on it? Those are symbolic of the scars we have accumulated in the past due to loss; at the same time, the many crosses show the trial and error we've had to undergo. They are also reminiscent of the chains we put over ourselves, letting ourselves we locked to an everlasting unchanging past and allowing little to escape from this "deep ocean" that is our heart, as quoted from Titanic.

The smallest box stacked on top would then represent the present. This arrangement is significant of how we build our present on top of the past; also, the size shows how often we fail to immerse ourselves in the moment, choosing instead to dwell in history.

This leaves the last box to represent the future. This last box is slightly awry compared to the previous two boxes, showing how the future is always somewhat different from what we have and what we had; at the same time its lack of lines on it as compared to the past represent how much we desire for it to be a clean slate. It is also more illuminated compared to the past, symbolizing how much hope we place on it, as compared to the darkness that shadows our losses. This illumination spreads slightly to the biggest box, lightening the burden of our history. You might have noticed that the light source appears to come from a spot slightly above the smallest box; indeed, the failure to immerse ourselves in the moment is co-relational to the amount of hope we possess. Because we are unsatisfied with the present, we harbour large amounts of hope towards the future, and this casts a further shadow on our past because what we want throws the losses we have had into greater relief.

The darkness around the boxes are also symbolic of the closed, almost claustrophobic space we close ourselves into in dealing with love, so much that we are unable to open ourselves up to possibilities. At the same time, the vast white space surrounding the darkness represents the potential that all of us have to untangle the trap of the past, and the grey areas spreading out from the black background show our constant attempts to do so.

I hope that through this synopsis you are slightly more enlightened about the deep meaning that dwells within my art piece. No, the white areas are not because I ran out of paint. Did you just say that everyone in my art class painted the same piece thus making my piece not original? What, you mean nobody painted the starry night sky before Van Gogh did? We all have different interpretations of these three boxes and this is physically represented by the different angles of which we painted our boxes. No, it is not only because we were standing in a circle around the boxes leading to the different angles, although of course that is a factor. AIYOH STOP LOOKING AT MY PROFOUND ART PIECE IF YOU CANNOT APPRECIATE IT YOU UNCULTURED UNENLIGHTENED NOOB GO DO YOUR MATH OR SOMETHING

1 flowers

1 Comments:

to quote freud. Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.

By Anonymous, at 3:14 PM

far and wee

you and i together mysteriously and always floating
Sunday, February 28 1:15 PM