Catfish and Negros

If any of you haven't been to Chinatown in San Francisco before I encourage you to go to a restaurant called The Clay Pot. This first picture is of a catfish in a clay pot. They also have quail, frog, sheep tongue and pig uterus. You think that between a genius and a connoisseur of fine foods that Michael and I could figure out that its a bad idea to order a fish from a Chinamen. Needless to say when we got our catfish there were some unusual glances exchanged. Trying to eat was the entertaining part, Michael almost had to perform the Heimlich maneuver since I was choking on the bones. I'm surprised that I didn't find an eye in the pot!!! Anyway I will probably be eating at Taco Bell and Jack in the Box for awhile before I venture out again.
This second picture comes with big news. This weekend I just met the father of my future brown babies. Hopefully those children aren't going to look like me except for my nose because holy Hannah, you could fit a cruise liner up those nostrils. For those that don't know, this is Demarcus Harrison. He is a freshman BYU basketball player. He is a dream boat but hasn't matured to full potential in his basketball playing. The nice thing about him is that he is just crazy about my curves and Cosmo hat, he thinks its sexy. Its like a match made in Heaven even though he has been cursed with the mark of Cain.

I'm really loving the fact that the West Coast Conference hits up a lot of cities that are close enough to drive to. BYU played San Francisco and Santa Clara this weekend. It was a lot of fun and the added bonuses included getting to see friends, eating good food minus the lovely catfish, a certified Chinese foot rub, getting lost a few times and of course getting made fun of.
I also loved that there were more BYU fans than Santa Clara fans at the game, go Cougars. You think that I would have been the best dressed at the game but there were some die hards there that included the Hancock kids. They had darling cheerleader outfits on. I asked Michael to sew me up a cheerleader outfit with pleats. The girls looked cute but I'm pretty sure that I would get thrown out of any public place wearing the same outfit. After the game a large group of fans stayed behind to shake hands, talk to the players and get autographs.

I had a wonderful time. Hopefully BYU wins against Gonzaga on Thursday!!!

Round 1 # 10 Now thats my boy!

Yes this is the face of a man who has found out I will be stocking him.

I know that maybe some of you are thinking that I am a fair weathered friend by proclaiming my love to Brandon Davies and leaving poor Jimmer by the wayside but I'm here to say that I will not be falling off into misty patches of jungle ever again. I don't know what I ever saw in Brandon Davies anyway. Sure he is gorgeous but really when you get right down to it the Negros are only good for robbing 2 things: girls' virginity and Piggly Wiggly stores.

Angelee was gracious enough to invite me over for rotten peaches and to watch the draft (someone needs to tenderly explain to her that fruit expires when you let it sit there for a while.) I do have to say that I think she is pretty clever though, she realized that I was going to provide a large amount of entertainment pending the outcome of one, Jimmer Fredette.

I hate to admit it but there may have been skipping, flailing around, red faces, hugs & kisses and of course loud frivolity when I saw that Jimmer was destined to be a King. And a King he is.

Its not just about winning the Naismith, Oscar Robertson, John Wooden, Adolph Rupp, MWC player of the year and National player of the year, its more than that!

Its true that the 2 times I have had the opportunity to speak with him I have crashed and burned both times as I yelled out that I loved him straight to his face and the second time I thought I could trade a massage for some game tickets (yes, I look back now and think, you are a moron!) He could have easily made fun of me or ignored me but he was always cordial & polite.

Another distinct story that I have about him has made a big impact in my life. I attended a basketball game when I was living in Provo. It was Utah vs. BYU. For those that don't know there is a lot of rivalry between these 2 schools and there can be a lot of hostility at times. The game was under way and a Utah player was shoved to the floor but a foul was not called. The player was having a difficult time getting up but his teammates were already running down to the other side of the court. Jimmer was about half way to the other side when he turned around and saw the man trying to get up. He turned around and ran back to help the opposing team member up. I think we can all take example of Jimmer by reaching out to others with a little compassion and good will towards man. I try to think of that story right before I'm tempted to eat a child or yell at some moron for taking the last pint of ice cream that I like :)

Jimmer going to the Kings couldn't make me any happier! It also means that I will have no money because I'm already thinking that I need to drive to Sacramento for every home game. Oh well, its money well spent.

Your the best Jimmer, keep up the good work!

A Little Pre-game Action

I guess I should post this since Michelle & LaNell and I put some effort into it but that smile you see on my face is no longer there!

Tragically tonight, BYU lost one of its key players for the rest of the season due to an honor code violation. I guess all that I have to say about that is; hope you enjoy doing whatever it is you are doing Brandon Davies and that it feels better than possibly being a 1 seed and being apart of a team that could go further in the NCAA tournament than any other BYU basketball team.

What Kind of Friend Am I?

Let me just ask, who just calls one of their friends on their birthday, failing to even mention happy birthday????

I'm sure LaNell is used to it by now but still I want to say that I'm so sorry!!!!!

In my defense I can barely remember when my parents birthdays are. Some years I have to call Shane to ask him when they are. Angelee can also verify that I call her every year to ask when Michael's birthday is. I don't know why but I'm just horrible about remembering birthdays. Now that I think about it, I know when LaNell's birthday is but I was so into talking about my agenda that I forgot to mention anything until I talked to Angelee yesterday. By the way I want to commend Angelee & Brittney because they remember everyone.

Here are some memories that I have with Master Brown. We have experienced some pretty humorous times together, for example, our trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Its only 2 hours away from Rexburg and so Carrie drove us up there. We had a lot of fun until the ride back. Lets just say that Katie had her eyes closed, LaNell was calling the temple to put our names on the prayer roll while I was laughing & holding on for dear life while Carrie almost killed us on the treacherous ride home :)
Look how young we all are!!! Graduating class of 98'

LaNell and I were in the back of a jeep when this picture was taken. LaNell doesn't like this picture but I always have.

A few other things that I love about LaNell:

1. Will always willingly take me to crafty stores.

2. Loves to steal mattresses after hours.

3. Always laughs at my jokes, even if they aren't funny.

4. Likes to hang out with Nadra or any dog for that matter.

5. Enjoys telling children that I like to eat kids

6. Loves to take me on hikes so that she watch me shift my fat body up hills.

Thanks for all the fun memories LaNell. I hope that you had a great birthday!!!

Let Me Tell You About My Lucky Simba Hat!

Look at my vanilla & chocolate boyfriends high fiving it. I'm so clever that I've managed to keep both of them from finding out about each other, good thing to, they work so well together. I'm in such a good mood from BYU win this evening against Air Force that I have decided to blog, ( I thought I had better hurry before something bad happens.

I'll be honest, when BYU lost to New Mexico I started to cry and I was in such a bad mood that I missed Saturday night stake conference. Unless you are a die hard you wouldn't understand but I'm just waiting for those stupid Lobos to show up at the Marriott Center, we'll see who is crying then!

Other good news was that the Packers won the Superbowl. I wasn't very impressed with the commercials this year but I was significantly amused by my mother. I talked her into watching the game with me, she was upset before the game even started when she stated: "why are they showing these fat people on the camera?" Her second quote was, "why do they have to run across the whole field, why can't they just run to the half mark?" I love my mother for the simple reason that she is hilariously ignorant of most sports matters.

Seriously I should get the dummy of the year award and here is why.

1. I was at a staff meeting several weeks ago. When I arrived almost everyone was already there and so I got stuck with a crappy chair that looked like it came out of the civil war era. Knowing that I don't weigh 90 pounds didn't stop me from sitting down in it anyway. In the middle of the meeting I realized that the chair was becoming wobbly and so I tried to move. Once I realize that I'm going to cause a Tsunami in Chico, California I tried to stop myself by putting my hand where the chair folds in. 2 seconds late my sorry self is on the floor and I was in so much pain from my fingering getting jammed I'm surprised that I didn't scream out a few 4 letter words. Everyone looked at me so I decided to laugh and then there was a roaring thunder of laughter from the whole group. Good times.

2. The second thing I did happened this evening when I was talking about Abouo. For those that don't know, Abuou is a basketball player from the Ivory Coast. I don't know if I'm just dyslexic or brain dead because of too many trips to the buffet but I said that Abouo was from the west coast ivory. I'm telling this story now because Michael said he was going to start his own blog and that would be his first story. I don't know why statements like that worry me when I know Michael is far too busy finishing up doing nothing from yesterday to move on by something today :)

Jimmer always puts me in a good mood!!! For Christmas I received what LaNell likes to call a Simba hat. LaNell how could you desecrate Cosmo's good name like that? Its true that my head gets overly hot and it makes me scratch my head but I love it ( I forgot to mention that I look like a complete moron in it.) Furthermore when I wear it I will have everyone know that BYU has never lost. So go ahead and make fun of me LaNell but when I wear that hat I feel that the universe & BYU moves to my command.

As to this recent facebook thread from some stupid girl going to BYU that is sick of hearing about Jimmer a word of warning to whoever she is; if I ever meet up with that used up tampax tampon I'm going give her a good old fashioned swirly and then I'm going to hold her down and tattoo Jimmer # 32 on her forehead so she won't ever forget who the master is!!!

Today Should Be a National Holiday, Jimmer's Day!

I know a lot of you are thinking that I'm ridiculous for wanting to make Jimmer's day a national holiday but I figure that if we can give the Jews Hanukkah and the Negros Martin Luther King Day that I should be able to have a holiday that I can sit back and meditate on the meaning of life & basketball.

I love basketball!!! And I love Jimmer!!! I knew it was going to be a great day today when I woke up at 5:30 am, too excited to fall back asleep. I didn't even drink any Dr. Pepper today, I have been running on pure adrenalin. Jimmer is like my personal supply of cocaine, just can't get enough of him (hopefully the side effects aren't as severe.)

Michael and I decided to have a Jimmer party (really that just means I told Michael I was coming over to watch the game BYU vs Vermont.) I think the only reason he didn't lock the door was to see what kind of fool I was going to make out of myself.

In preparation for the highly anticipated game I constructed a poster with a cardboard handle to raise up over my head every time Jimmer scored. I also felt like I needed to combine the 2 things that I love most: sweets & building shrines to Jimmer. I know that Martha Stewart isn't going to be calling me up to ask for cake decorating tips but in my defense this cake was the first one that I have tried to decorate with special icing tools. In case you didn't know I was trying to paint out the Marriott Center. I enjoyed doing it and better yet the cake was good to eat.

The only way the game could have gotten any better is if Jimmer would have announced that the game was dedicated to me (don't worry he told me already last night on the phone, )and if TJ Fredette would have written a song about me to sing at half time. Last but not least here is my father giving his views on the game today. Don't mind his attire.

What a wonderful day. BYU won, I ate cake and I got to look at my vanilla & chocolate boyfriends all in one shot. Sweet 16 here we come!!

Catching Up With Life

Its difficult being the Devil's Chubby Mistress. Apparently my duties make me too busy to write a blog entry. The wonderful thing about this blog entry is that I'm writing it from my home. I've felt like a pioneer having to either bum the Hancock's to use their computer or to go to the STD infested library to use their computer. These days are no longer!!! ( I feel similar to Vivian Leigh in Gone With the Wind when she said that she will never go hungry again, that does include the clenched fist.)

By the way Raeanne, I never want to be in another picture with you, it makes me want to rip your face off so that I can use it for chewing tobacco :)

Now that I can put incriminating photos on here, I will (that's if I can manage to use my bloody camera correctly.)

Recently one of the fun activities I was able to attend was Sarah & Paul Fairbanks Halloween Party. As you look at the pictures you can see that people felt like they were in Vegas (don't ask, don't tell ... maybe that's the Army I'm thinking of.)

I have to say that I enjoyed myself immensely.

Rob. I almost forgot that you were married and went to ask you out on a date. Good thing I caught myself. By the way, those are Cari Havens curlers that Rob stole out of her hair.

I couldn't think of an appropriate comment to write down. Lesbians kept popping up but these 2 women have a total of 9 children between the 2 of them.

Angelee and I didn't win the toilet paper body wrapping contest but I do think that I burned about 200 calories running around her like a crazed lunatic.

I thought I would save the best for last.

Here is our devoted seminary teacher and a councilor in the Elders Quorum Presidency. Yes, they are dressed up as pimps. Apparently they are both mine, they tried to send me to appointments all night. I'm only upset that I didn't get Rob's Captain Morgan pants in this picture. I asked him if I could borrow them only to realize that they would have fitted me in about the 7th grade.

Good times at the party and I have to say that I enjoyed dressing up.

I also have another reason to be happy. Basketball has started!!!!!! I do love basketball!!! And no its not just because there are beautiful black boys that happen to play. It also doesn't hurt that Mike Hall is now apart of the BYU coaching staff, maybe I should purchase a trough to drool in so I don't get the furniture damaged.

My only request is that the Heat start winning some games so that the filthy Lakers don't win another championship. That is my Christmas wish.