30 Jan 07

I'll know very soon. I could test tomorrow but Im too chicken...and I think I will just wait around for AF, and if Im a few days late, then I will test. Or maybe, POAS syndrome will kick in. Who knows??

*UPDATE*
Ok, so I caved in and pee'd on the test that I have left over from the last IUI, BFN. I know, it's still early...

29 Jan 2007

No physical signs what-so-ever today of a baby. I know, it's not over until I see the ugly red fat lady. A lot of women would be testing today at 11 DPO, but I just cant. I'm too scared of seeing a BFN.


152 days, about, until Nick comes home.

3 days until HPT, if I have the courage.

28 Jan 2007

10 DPO! The POAS syndrome is starting to kick in, but I wont give in to it. Im too scared to. Thursday will be 14 DPO and test day...maybe.

My lower back is killer today. I always get back pain right before AF, within a few hours before AF. ( I know Im going to one of the women who has major back labor! ) But today?? Is'nt that early? Im not due until the 1st. I also had slight cramps today. AND...when Drena and I went into a store at the mall, I swear I smelled saurkraut the whole time we were in there. She didnt smell it at all. I also had a dream last night that I was nursing a baby boy...or wait, was that 2 nights ago? I can't remember! I also woke up with 2 pimples....uggghh.I really hate looking at symptoms like this because I know there are a million other reasons why each of these things could be happening to me.

I know I shouldnt obesess on my favorite websites, but some others with BFP's had lower back pain on 10 DPO and some other things that I have had today. I hope it's all for a BFP and NOT AF.
Here's what I found:
10 DPO Symptoms feel like they've disappeared BUT the back lower back pain hasn't gone away at all
10DPO Had a little lower back pain.
10dpo - Still weird back pain
10 DPO- backache
10DPO - BFN backache
10dpo: Things started smelling funny to me today.
10DPO -Backache on waking, Dreams about babys
10DPO-I have a pimple - right upper cheek. SH*T!
I feel AF cramps (this is a little TMI, sorry) in the middle of my abdomen and in my lower back.
10 DPO:*Later in evening back cramping (normal)
At 10 DPO my back was killing me

You get the point...I wont post anymore!

And today at lunch I had to force myself to eat my salad even though I had been STARVING. The same salad that I gobbled all down just a week or less before. I found this:
10dpo -Starving at 7pm, but struggled to eat dinner of salmon and salad.


Remember a few days back I posted that my teeth were sensitive everytime I ate or drank? Well, I just found this:
Some things that may or may not be related:- sensitive teeth
Aching teeth

I hope all this isnt AF playing nasty cruel jokes on me.....a few more days and we should all know. I'll take all the prayers and baby dust you can afford to give me!


I got some applications today from some stores in the mall. I just need a part time job to bring in some extra $'s. Then maybe Nick wont worry himself so darn much. Men...

Oh yeah...CONGRATS JENNY ON YOUR QUIT OF 49 DAYS!

27 Jan 2007 What are you waiting for?

I know, I already posted today. But as I was laying in bed reading my Women's Devotional Bible, I read the PREFECT page for today. I feel like I was really meant to read this tonight. Sarai's situation is not the exact situation I am in, but the whole point of the story is what matters. Im going to post what I read. It's fairly long, but trust me...it's worth the read. So...my fellow TTC pals from NW, and anyone else TTC...here's to God's promise to us!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Who or what do you believe will satisfy and complete you? You may be waiting for Mr. Right, your dream job, a precious baby or any number of things to fulfill your hopes and dreams.

Waiting is hard when you just know your life will be so much better if your hopes become reality. Waiting is hard...espically when years pass and there is no sign of your expectaions being met. Often, the longer you wait, the mor desperate you become.

Sarai was fed up with waiting for the baby God has promised her. She grew older every day, and her body showed no signs of pregnancy. Perhaps she questioned that God's promise of children for Abram included her. Why is God taking so long? What if Im not the one to bear the promised child? So Sarai took matter into her own hands. She gaver her maidservent Hagar to Abram to bear a child to fulfill God's promise.

However, things didnt turn out the way Sarai expected. Hagar became pregnant as planned, but Hagar's pride and Sarai's jealousy caused a jagged rift between the two women. And Abram was caught in the middle. The consequences of Sarai's actions not only affected Sarai's family and household, but also genertaions of people who came after them. To this day, the children of Hagar and Sarai war against each other as the Arabs and Jews fight for control over the land of Isreal.

But God had a plan. A plan to bless Abram and Sarai with their very own baby. A plan to bless the world through their offspring. Isaac would be the fulfillment of God's promise. That plan was worth waiting for.

God has plans for your life too. Plans that will make you thrive and not be knocked down by life's setbacks. God's plans are well worth waiting for. You may be tempted to take matter into your own hands, thinking God is just a little bit late. But don't risk God's perfect intentions for you by relying on your own schemes. Waiting for God's perfect timing can save you years of heartbreak. Remember, God is faithful and always keeps his promises.....even if you have to wait.

I was in tears reading that. How perfect timing was that for me to read tonight? I really needed and really feel like I was supposed to read that tonight.

27 Jan 2007

9 DPO! Slowly getting to the day I will know if my prayers have been answered. I been feeling things but dont want to document anything, and dont want to jinx myself. I also know the things I been feeling could be the onset of the evil AF, even though she's not due to arrive for atleast another 5-6 days.

If I am pregnant: Implantation in now complete. The embryo has actually sunk beneath the surface of the lining of my uterus. Growth is very rapid now: the amniotic sac and the amniotic fluid, and developing child have begun to form. The yolk sac will appear. These structures require the next 6 days to complete their formation. ( That is when I can take a pregnancy test ) Even if you anticipate a pregnancy, it's too early for a pregnancy test to be accurate.

I got my hair cut yesterday. Here's a pic. It's a lot shorter than I normally have it, but my hair is so baby fine that it just lays limp and does nothing so I throw it in a pony tail. Until yesterday that is. And I love it. It's still flat, but atleast I look like I have hair now! LOL! Thanks to Drena, because I would have never made the appointment on my own.

Today is Nancy's birthday so we are going to a Japanese restuarant for dinner. Im hungary already. I swear I feel like Im hungary every couple of hours...I hope it's my bean snuggling in.

I slept bad last night. I woke up at 3:30 am for a drink, I was so thirsty. Then after my drink I felt so wide awake until about 4:30. I had some funky dreams. I remember thinking to myself, I gotta look that up in the dream dictionary. But now, I dont remember what my dreams were! I cant wait to be able to share my bed again and get a great night's sleep.

26 Jan 2007

The end of my 2WW is near. Last night I have begun to be scared. Scared of seeing that BFN in about 4 more days or so. I've lost a little bit of confidence in knowing that being pregnant would just feel too good to be true. I'm trying to knock that out of my mind, but with me having all confidence, seeing that BFN will be harder. Either way, it will be hard. I really feel like if any cycle would result in a BFP, it should be this one. I have found my faith this time around.

Well, the day is early so I dont have much to report. I will check back later on today if anything should happen. Oh yeah...Something eventfull did happen yesterday. Ever since readign Tracey's blog when she was closet cleaning, I was meaning to do the same thing. So I started cleaning out what will eventually be the baby's closet. I got about 1/2 of it done. It kept me busy most of the day trying to find other places for the stuff in there.

But for now, If I am 8 days pregnant:

During this week, the implanted cell ball will grow very rapidly. When implantation takes place, the organism is called an embryo. Congradulations! Your body has finally officially met your developing baby. Your body begins to mobilize to support the baby's growth.

Did you know? You don't realize it yet, but you've been pregnant for a whole week.

I get these tid bits of information from The Pregnancy Journal by A. Christine Harris, Ph. D

Its a great book and I recommend it for anyone TTC or pregnant. Every signle day of pregnancy it tells what is going on and even gives you spaces to write. Nick got it for me for Christmas in 2003. Just 5 months after we were TTC the natural way, before we knew of male infertility problems. In it, I have documented out TTC journey from the time we moved back here to the states 1 1/2 years ago.

For some reason, I feel like documenting it here too. Partly because I want to read once again the journey we have been on. Also for Nick to read. I dont think I ever shared with him the documentation in this book he got for me. We started TTC in 2003, but this documentation doesnt start until 2005. So before all this that you are about to read, we were going through 2 years of tests.

So here it begins in the words I have written in The Pregnancy Journal:

Our first doctor appointment to become pregnant at langley Virginia, is on 17 October at 1500.

17 Oct 05, Doc seems nice. He was going to request more lab work on Nick, but after looking at his records, he saw we been through it 3x's already. So he is referring us to the Urologist. We find out in 2 days when our appt. is.

19 Oct 05- Today we should find out our next appt. date. 21 Oct 05- Our next appt with the Urologist on 28 Nov, 05. Much further away than we thought and want. But it's not up to us.

28 Nov 05- They cancelled our appt and rescheduled for 30 Nov, 05. Doctor ordered more blood, hormone and semen tests for 2 Dec. 05. Then after the results she will schedule a biopsy.

3 Dec 05-Did all tests, will have results in 10-15 business days. 3 Jan 06- Doc will call us sometime this week to let us know surgery date. The appt. we have been waiting for, for 2 years now. 7 Jan 06- We have an appt with doctor on the 13th then Nick has surgery on the 24th. We should have some sort of answer this month as to if we will be able to concieve or not.

2 Feb 06- Nick had surgery and 0 sperm is found. Tests sent to Walter Reed for further analysis. More testing show immature sperm. The start of sperm but they are not fully maturing, called Maturation Arrest. Waiting for next appt date at WR. 20 Feb 05- Started looking into adoption but found out its $20,000 and my age was a problem. So now we are going to try donor sperm in April if our paperwork is processed by then. 3 March 06- I called NW yesterday and placed an order for ICI vials of donor #1593. I will call back in a few days with shipment date. We will AI this month in March! 21 Mar 06- I am ovualting so we will AI tonight and tomorrow morning. First pregnancy test will be 15 April 06. We Ai'ed 21 March 06 at 9:03 pm and 22 March 06 at 10:54 am. Negative.

25 April 06- Doc appt May 1st for possible IVF. Doc may get sperm from Nick. If not, we have 3 ICI vials of donor #323 in storage. 2 May 06- We will be doing IVF either July or October. Nick has surgery again on the 10th for possible sperm for IVF. If 0 we will donor sperm. 1 June 06- 0 sperm found again. Im working on getting all blood work and tests for IVF cycle in Oct. with Donor # 323. 7 July 06- We will try AI again this month with 3 vials of #323. IVF orientation is set for 1 Aug 06 in case AI fails again. 26 July 06- I had Saline Sonogram yesterday for IVF. Doc said looks beautiful except g0lf ball size cyst on my left ovary but usually goes away by next cycle and shouldnt effect anything. Gotta go back in 6 weeks for check up. Still on for AI tomorrow.

27 July 06- + OPK 11 am yesterday. - OPK 6:30 pm. 2:45 pm + but not as + as 11 am. AI #1 is 7:15 pm on 26 July 06. AI #2 is 5 am 27 July. AI #3 3:43 pm. 3 Aug 06- 7 DPO, IVF orientation is part of medical clearance and is finished.7 more days for HPT. 13 Aug 06- AI didnt work. On to IVF. 13 Oct. 06- Doc says we dont need IVF, on to IUI's. First IUI should be around 29 Oct. 1 Nov 06- IUI done the 27th, HPT on 12 Nov, the day Nick leaves for Iraq.

11 Nov 06- 14 DPIUI, negative. Cycle started. 21 Nov 06- Asked someone to be our fresh sperm donor, he said yes but Nick changed his mind. Using donor #554. Skipped IUI this month due to stress. Missed LH surge in December. 18 Jan 07- CD 12 IUI with donor #554, prescribed Clomid for next cycle if this one fails.

25 Jan 2007

Blah, nothing new to report as far as the 2WW goes, except today is 7DPO so now I'm down to the 1WW. This morning, and still a little bit now my boobies are kinda itchy, so naturally of course I am wondering if it could be my little bean snuggling. It could also just mean that I need to lotion myself up!! My teeth today have been a little on the sensitve side when I eat and drink. Kinda like when you bite the wrong way into ice cream and you get the pain through your teeth and gums...except it is very mild and not strong, but strong enough I can feel. Is that a sign of a little bean? It could be from the 4 brownies I've eaten since last night. I'm not usually a sweet person so it could very well be from that. But lets hope not.

Nick is doing well. I chatted with him this morning. He is really missing home and me today. Its only going to get worse with a pregnany hopefully not far around the corner.


Im getting my hair cut tomorrow. Not sure how. Nothing drastic. Just a trim on my length and maybe lots of shorter layers. I'll see how I feel about it tomorrow.

About 156 days until he comes home.
About 6 more days until pregnancy test
Married 1,615 days happily

24 Jan 2007

Got my blood test done today. It will be about week until I get results...thats the way of military life. Hurry up and wait with EVERYTHING.

I was searching one of my favorite websites and found this post:

After numerous failed failed fertility treatments including a failed IVF treatment, I was seriously on the verge of depression. A friend of the family gave me blessed water to drink and a prayer to say every night. That very month we got pregnant naturally. There is no doubt in my mind that this baby is truly a divine miracle, and I thank God at least 10 times everyday. Even though our miracle won't be here for awhile, and we technically are not past the safety of the 1st trimester, I knew when we heard that heartbeat that this was finally the answer to our unanswered prayers. Even though infertility was the worst experience in my life, I can't ignore the fact that some good came of it. It showed me how wonderful and supportive my husband can be. It strengthened my faith in God. I'm sure that it will be a strong reminder everyday to never take my children for granted...not even for one single second. And it also reminded me to try my best to help comfort others who are suffering as well. I guess this was God's plan for me all along. I can only hope that God's plans for others comes into place very soon, so all women suffering from infertility can experience the miracle of a BFP. Don't stop believing in miracles. They happen more than we realize.

I think that this may be God's way to gain my trust im him, and that there is plan for us too.

23 Jan 2007

Geesh, is it really only the 23rd of January? I feel like it's been 6 months since Nick has been in Iraq.

Today I got my progesterone test ordered. I will go in tomorrow to get that done. I also talked to the doctor after referring me to the Navy hospital about an hour away for my IUI's instead of going the Army hospital that is 3 hours away. She said she would put the referral in for me today and I should check back in 2 days to make sure. Im not sure how or where it's going to go from there. Hopefully, God's on my side, and I wont need to go back...but just in case, I'll be ready.
I spent the day baking cookies, brownies and muffins to send to Nick. I will send him a package tomorrow while Im out getting blood taken for the 1,000th time.


If it is in God's will for me to be pregnant right now:
An important change takes place in the cell ball. Fluid passes into the center. The fluid divides the cells into 2 groups: those on the outside ( will form the placenta ) and those on the inside ( will form baby). If the cell ball hasnt already entered my uterus, it will do so today. My body still doesnt realize the baby exsists.

22 Jan 2007

Today was a very relaxing day. I hope everyday for the next 2 weeks goes like this. I went to Babies R Us to pick up an application and I also picked up this onesie. Duh, did you honestly think I would walk out of there empty handed? I hope not. No insane TTC'er would.

21 Jan 2007

Not much to report today. Just one thing I learned:

but...God! I will not give up on my miracle.

The pastor today said Dont give up on your miracle because it could be just around the corner. Sometimes I swear he is saying words just for me. Words that I need to hear at that very moment.

Today I said prayers for Jenny and her quit, for Deena's mom, and for all us NW'ers TTC.

20 Jan 2007

21,500 troops to Iraq for what? For this:
BAGHDAD, Iraq - At least 20 American service members were killed in military operations Saturday in the deadliest day for U.S. forces in two years, including 13 who died in a helicopter crash and five slain in an attack by militia fighters in the holy city of Karbala, military officials said.
This makes me so mad, I cant even explain. Nick is there for what reason?



Well, I either am pregnant, or closer to the cycle that I become pregnant. If God is on my side this is what is happening to my baby right now.
In the last 24 hours the 2 identical cells have undergone 3-4 additional cell divisions. The baby's cells are manufactured now by relying on the nutrients stored in the ovum that I produced.

Yesterday and today I prayed to be:


I also prayed for Tracey and Deena.

19 Jan 2007

Im home! IUI is complete! CD 13.
I never did get a + ovulation test. I was completely discouraged, and even considered skipping this month. I had CM on CD 9 and did'nt have any since. The night we got to the hotel, the night before IUI, I still was discouraged. I even told Drena I was considering calling it quits for a few months to gain some sanity and strength. That night in the hotel Drena, her mother, her mother's best friend and I all prayed. They prayed hard for me while I cried. The next morning I still was discouraged. Still havent gotten a + O test, but Drena said lets go anyways. So we did, even though I had no hope. I thought that the doctor could check my cervix before the sperm was prepared to see if it was high and open. So when we got there we waited in the OBGYN clinic to see if I could be checked before I wasted any sperm. I was still hopeless. I wondered why I was even there because I knew I missed O. I didnt get a + test and my CM was gone for days. While we were waiting there, I went to the bathroom to pee and when I wiped there was CM! All my hope filled me again. I walked out to Drena, and said "Lets do it!" She smiled, and off we went back up the 4th floor to get my baby unthawed!
The Embryologist handed over my baby and told me that was one of the best donor vials she has ever seen. They require 15 million sperm for IUI and my sperm had a count of 27 million with 75% motility! She was very happy.
During the IUI the doctor said my cervix was producing a lot of CM, which is a great sign. I explained to her I never did get a + test and that is the reason I skipped last month. And I did'nt get one this month either. I just came in on the day I normally ovualte. I also told her we are using donor sperm which is very expensive and I am driving 3 hours to get the IUI. So, she prescribed me 25 mg clomid for next cycle, days 3-7, IF this cycle fails. Hopefully the clomid sitting on my kitchen counter is a waste.

Drena has a good feeling about this cycle. I am skeptical only because I have been let down before. Frankie, for the past 2 days, says we are going to have birthday cake for my baby and when the baby pops out he's going to eat 1 piece. The words from the mouths of 3 year olds is so precious. The poor kid...he's going to grow up thinking that you have to go to the doctor to get pregnant. LOL! I also had Ava rub my belly for good luck, and I got lots of baby kisses from her so Im hoping the baby vibes are in me! Oh, and also, I had more CM today once when I wiped which is really good.

We had a great time in D.C. We had a 2 day vacation and made a baby in the process. I will post some pics.

I know I've posted this before, but I really do have the best husband in the world. I came home to this email:
Michelle
I miss you. Its a feeling that creeps up on me. Its not really a constant feeling because for the first time in my life I have times where I sit here and really dont think anything. But my short moments of just being are interupted alot by thoughts of you. You really are my other half. These two halfs should not be seperated. But the time they spend apart makes them MUCH stronger when they are togethor. You ask me often why i choose you? There really isnt an answer as I sit here thinking about it. We did not choose each other. On the contrary I really tried my hardest to choose the opposite. I knew I had you if I had of wanted you for years before my body gave in to my hearts desires. I wanted for myself to believe that I wasnt ready and that there was someone else out there yet for me to find. But I was drawn back to you. And these past 4+ years have made me realize why. We really were made for each other. I know it sounds cliche, but it really is the truth. There is nothing else that can explain it. Either we are made for each other or there is something terribly wrong with us. We are the exact opposite people, we are the exact opposite couple (compared to EVERYONE else in the world). But this makes us perfect. We dont get annoyed with each other because we are so different. Being different means we dont compete. We dont try to be better than the other at anything. Instead we teach each other in a natural way. It really is perfect. Perfect being the happiness that we share. I love it. There is no other way to explain it. I wish it was something that I could explain intelectually, but that is why it is perfect. It really doesnt need to be explained. We just are, and its great. Could I live with out you? Physically, yes. But emotionalloy I dont see how it is possible. You are what fills my times, you are what fills my thoughts, you are the reason I do what I do. I am sure I could do it for myself, but what would be the point? Everyone makes comments of how great it would be to have their money for themselves and to be able to go out and do whatever whenever, BUT WHY? What is the point of not having someone to share it with. I love sharing what I have with you. I love knowing that I need to succeed in order to give you want you want/need.What you want,its amazing. You dont ask for much. You are so helpful in the simple fact that you are not NEEDY. I love it, you are happy with my meager income, you arent worried about status, or having the best of the best. All you wish for is a family and two happy kittie cats. Its amazing that your heart truly does beat for me. I dont have to worry about if you are happy, because I know that even if something is bothering you and you feel down, inside you are happy with the course of the days actions. The course of our life is going well, I wish it could be better, but I am sure it will get better. You will have your child and you will be the perfect mother. I see how caring you are for others children and for MY kitties that I know I have nothing to worry about. I wish I could give you a child and I appologize that I cant. But I know you will be happy reguardless once you have a child, even if it takes along time. It will happen boo, dont worry.

What more could I ever ask for? Of course, now you all know my pet name is Boo. LOL! It came from the movie Monsters Inc.

My birthday turned out good. The morning however, wasnt great. I spent the majority of it in tears because of a certain family member that just doesnt get it, and wont ever. Plus I lost hope io this cycle, but it is not regained. Drena made a wonderful birthday dinner, got me a Carvel ice cream cake, flowers a card and the book What to Expect When Your Expecting, and also a Woman's Devotional Bible. Of course its not as good as having Nick here with me to celebrate, but I couldnt have asked for it to be better. She did great and is so thoughtful.

14 days until pregnancy test!
162 days, about, until Nick gets home.

17 Jan 2007

Im headed to Washington D.C. in a couple of hours and I gotta make a trip to Wlamart before hand so I dont have time to update you all. But 20 minutes ago I took a test and it looked almost + so tomorrow may be the big day. I will be in D.C. until Friday and wont be able to update you all until then. PLEASE PLEASE pray for us that I get a true + and make a baby soon! I'l report as soon as I can!
Tracey- GOOD LUCK!

15 Jan 2007

This sinus infection is really kickin my butt. My energy level in non-exsistant. And I HAVE to make a trip to Walmart for my ovualtion tests. I'm going to start them today. I will need them tomorrow, I only have enough for today. It's mid Jan. and today its going to be 75 degrees....no need to wonder why I have a sinus infection. That explains it. I also am out of my Vitamin C, and I need toilet paper and more tissues. Ughh... I guess I have to go.

Spermmies arrived this morning!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday turned out to be real nice. Church with Drena was great. I was amazed at how nice everyone was. The pastor asked for everyone who was there to pray for something to go up front. I almost did'nt until Drena gave me that push I needed to do it. I had 5 women pray for me. I cried like the baby the entire time. I cant describe how wonderful it was, so Im not going to attempt it. I feel so much better. I have faith, so it will happen.

My birthday is tomorrow. 23. Im not feeling it. Its just another day to me. I think becasue Nick isnt here. But he will be soon!

I cant type much....my head and face and neck hurts. I hate sinus infections.....

**UPDATE**

Please pray for me that I didnt screw up 2 months of AI.

I took an Answer Brand O test at 3p.m. It was +! What the heck?! I also had some CM.

I took another test at 5:45 pm. I HAD to pee, could NOT hold it any longer. It was a clear -. Grrrrr! What is going on? I will just hope that it was a false + and continue testing as usual. If I dont get a + in the next 2 days, I know I O'ed 2 days early and missed it and will be very upset that I have now missed 2 months of TTC a homecomming baby.

14 Jan 2007

Please forgive me. The computer and I both have been under the weather. I have a sinus infection, and my computer....well, my guess is it has some kind of virus. I dont know, but because of it, I couldnt talk to Nick for a whole day! So, we ordered us a new one.

Since I was computerless last night, I just hand wrote the old fashioned way in my journal last night. Its not about the events in the last few days, but more of just my thoughts and feelings lately. Enjoy!

I dont write as much as I wish I did. Last time was over a month ago. Since then, I am home now, Nick is in Iraq, and our 2nd IUI is this week. Im so glad to be home. There really is no place like home. During Christmas, certain family members made amends. I took it with my whole heart. It's a ton of weight lifted off of me. Now, we can really be sisters. I really do love her.

My New Year's was way uneventfull. I spent it via yahoo instant messager. I didnt have cable so Jenn took pictures of the ball dropping for me. LOL!

During this past week I feel like I have matured a lot. I think it is due to Nick's absence. I've grown to love life, to appreciate life, and to just be so thankful for everything I have. I find myself going to bed at night, and thanking God for everything I had that day. I've never done that before. I dont feel a hole in my heart for my missing baby. Instead, I've grown so much love in my heart for my baby. I can picture a soul that I know for sure will join me when its time. I cannot be anymore ready for our baby. I am prepared. I cannot prepare myself anymore. So, the only thing I can do is just wait, be happy, and be patient. I will happen.

I havent talked to Lilian since before Nick left, so she didnt know about the IUI. I got an email from her yesterday morning saying she had a dream that I called her to tell her I was pregnant. And she said last time that happened, it came true.
I hope it does. I feel so satisfied in life right now so there is no better timming. I;v ehung baby items around the house to help boost my confidence and fertility. It no longer upsets me to see the un-used baby items. They all make me smile and realize I need to keep trying. Its amazing how my feelings have changed.

Today I am going to church with Drena and her babies. A prayer cant hurt, only help. Drena's mom is also saying words for us. Maybe God requires a certain amount of prayers from people before you get what you are praying for. If so, I think I got that down now.

D.C. should be a nice relxing time. We are going to stay 2 nights and hopefully the presence of her babies will help sperm find egg.

It will all work out. I will because Im not giving up. I cant wait for Nick to be a Daddy. He will be so great. I cant wait until he gets home. Should be about 5 more months. It will go fast. Im so lucky to have him. We are so lucky to have each other. I wouldnt ever want to be with anyone else. He is so perfect. We are 8,000 miles apart and somehow he still manages to keep me happy, to keep me taken care of and still be the perfect husband. Some people say there is no such thing as perfect, but I have discovered it in him.

I been hanging out with Jim, Nancy and Jamie, and getting attached. Several times the "F" word has come up. Family. I'm so lucky once again... The military allows you to choose your family. In these short 4 years of being a military wife Ive grown close to 2 familes now. I cannot imagine how many more times I will grow close to people to only be forced to say goodbye. I wouldnt change it. I feel so lucky to have the chance to create my own family and life long freindships from aroudn the world. Not many people can do that, but I can.

Oh wow...Im listening to the radio and a lady was talking about her husband of 4 years ( like us ) and how much she loves him ( like me ) and they met in November ( our first date month ) and they been trying to have a baby for a while ( like us ) and they just had a baby girl through adoption. Wow. I dont know whats going on with me...I feel so happy, so loved, so lucky. I could just cry out smiles. I have never felt like this before. Crazy...Im going to bed now. xoxo Goodnight from under the same stars......

10 Jan 2007

Today: CD 4. Spermmies will arrive at my doorstep on Jan. 15th, 1 day before my 23rd birthday. Happy Birthday to me! IUI should be on the 18th if all goes well. I will NOT miss my LH surge this time! Please Please Please send me baby dust and thoughts and prayers and well wishes and whatever else you got. We need this baby. I cant explain it any other way.



I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose. I couldnt breathe at all through my right nostril. And my throat was sore. My nose contines to be stuffy all through the day...ugghh. I really dont want to spend my time in D.C. with Drena and kids being sick. But...that's where my IUI is....so be it! I will do whatever it takes. Plus, it will be fun anyways! I just hope my body rids of the sickness soon.

Today, I spent the day doing absolutly NOTHING! I did a few pages of my scrapbook. Im working on one for Nick to see when he gets home, of the things he missed while he was in Iraq. And I watched the movie Click. It really was a good movie. Better than I expected.

I got to talk to Nick on the phone for a few minutes and this morning on Yahoo messenger. He spent the day doing what he loves, digging in the dirt. He's such a manly man. He's great. Through each deployment I love him more and more.

Being the Active Duty Air Force wife that I am, I serve in "Operation Support My Man" I however, am slowly not supporting our current president. I am so upset over what I just read on CNN.com and am very anxiously waiting for Bush's speech tonight.

U.S. security operations in Baghdad are seriously flawed, President Bush will say during a televised address Wednesday, a White House official said. Bush wants to send up to 24,000 extra U.S. troops to help quell Iraqi violence. He will ask Congress for $5.6 billion for the troops, and $1.2 billion for Iraq rebuilding and job creation, senior officials said.

What? Operations are flawed because of him! GRRR! And my husband is over there trying to fix it for him!

Oh well, what can I do besides be strong??


171 more days until Nick comes home, maybe a little less.

9 Jan 2007

I am a human owned by 2 cats. These 2 cats. Since Nick has been deployed, these boys rule my life. I admit, without them I'd be lost. They are more than just cats to me. They fill a major part of my heart. They really are my adopted children. My Pooh Bear and my Roo.

Today is CD 3. Either today, or tomorrow I must call NW and schedule a delivery date of my swimmers/soon to be baby. I have to have confidence in this cycle. I cant go in it not expecting it to work. Although, a part of me doesnt expect it to work because if it did, it would seem to good to be true. I wish I could shake that thought out of me. Do you NW girls, or have you NW girls ever felt that way in your TTC cycles? Or is it just me?

The job observation at the animal hospital went great yesterday. I was there for 3 hours and had a good time. It seems to be a job I would like. But I cannot work 7:30-6 pm 5 days a week. Dr. Freeman told me he has to interview the others because he would prefer someone who can work that whole shift. But, maybe we wont like the others as much as me and will hear that the other receptionists and I got along well. And maybe, just maybe, he will call me. So, as of now, Im still jobless. But it's ok for me. It's more time to focus on myself, my body, my baby, and my cats and my freinds.

Sunday I went to the Tropical Smoothie Cafe with Jim and Nancy, their daughter Jamie, and Cedric. Yum. My smoothie was great! Then I walked around Hallmark and picked up to cards for Nick. I would explain them, but Im not sure how often he reads this! hehehehe.

Today I'm going to meet Drena and her 2 babies at the mall for lunch and to walk around for a bit. Just to get us both out and about. I hope to be in her shoes during our next round of deployment. I should be able, with god on my side, to pop out 2 babies between now, and 15 months from July. Hopefully. Nick says we will have to try for our 2nd baby right after the first one if it takes this long to concieve. And with our luck, it will take a while.

Still not much to report, as you can see, I have no life without Nick. LOL!!

But I did want to say a shout out to Tracey! YAY! Cycle buddies once again. This month, we will be pregnancy buddies!!!!!!!!!!!

172 more days or close to, until Nick comes home!

7 Jan 2007

Cycle Day 1 is today. Which means IUI should be on or around the 18th, 2 days after my birthday. I would love spemmie to find eggie so I could be a mom for my next birthday. It really would be my dream that came true. And what a miracle it would be to tell Nick over the phone that he will be a daddy. It would be his dream come true to come home from Iraq to see his wife's belly growing.

6 Jan 2006

Not much to report these days.
I went to the interview at the vet clinic Thursday. It went very well. Dr. seems like a very nice down to earth understanding man. The job seems great except the part of seeing sick animals. I did warn him I am not good with that. I explained to him that I would need 1-2 days a month off for TTC. I have to drive 3 hours to my doctor so it requires the day off. He was fine with that. He told me he was looking for a long term receptionist and I told him I would gladly work through my pregnancy. He then asked would I be a stay at home mom after the baby, and I told a white lie and said I was'nt sure. I well know that I would be. I also said when September gets here we are eligable to move again so he does know that I very possibly might not be long term. Well, I wouldnt be long term because we do want to move back overseas. The schedule is good, every other Saturday, no Sundays. And my day off would be Sunday and Monday when I do work on Saturday. Im ok with that. The only downfall that am really not happy with is the shift is 5 days a week at 7:00 am to 6 pm. That is a long day for me. Thats 11 hours!! It would leave no time for Nick and I to be together and in our marriage, we have to have our time together. Even without him here, I would no time for myself, for chores and earrands. I would get home around 6:30 pm exhausted and all to the couch until bedtime around 9 pm. Working that hard for only $7.50 an hour just isnt worth it for me. Espically with trying to get pregnant. My husband and baby to be come first.

He did call me yesterday and I asked him if he would be willing to cut the hours and he said he would give me a call back. He hasnt yet. He said he wanted to talk to his receptionists first. So we will see. And if he does accpet my hours Im still not sure I want the job. I would get no paid vacation or sick time until I been there for 1 year, which means when Nick gets home after 8 months of not seeing him I wouldnt be able to take off. That wont work for me either. I am to family oriented for a job like this I think.

Cycle day 1 is supposed to start today. Nothing yet. I had slight cramping yesterday so I thought she would show so but not so far. This morning I was a bit emotional when chatting with Nick on instant messenger. He asked me " You have your period dont you?" It was funny. Its amazing how he knows me so well, even from 8,000 miles away.

I love him so much. He is the perfect husband and more than I could ever ask for. We really hate these deployments. We are so tied at the hip all the time, so it just hurts to much to be apart this long. But the great thing about being apart, it always makes us stonger and we realize how great our marriage really is.

Almost down to 170 more days!
CD #1 I am awaiting! COME ON AF!

1 Jan 07

Happy New Year! Im praying that the new year brings me what I am missing soon. My husband and my baby.

180 more days until Nick comes home.

Sorry to be so absent from blogging lately. I really been trying to keep myself busy.

Im so happy to be home. Yesterday I went out to dinner with freinds at a greek restuaraunt called The Castle. I got a gyro! YUM-O! Then we went to see Happy Feet. Jim gets free tickets from the theater because they sponser the car club for the guys. So it's nice. It was an EXCELLENT movie!!! Jamie cried the whole way through it, but she liked it. I had a good time with them, I always do.

My New Year's was as simple as it could get. I spent it online chatting with my sister-in-law, and with Nick for a few minutes, with a glass of wine in hand. I dont have cable yet so I couldnt watch the ball drop in times square.

Not much new to report. Thank you Tracey for thinking of me on my drive home! It went smoothy. Took about 7 hours including 2 stops and 1 was a dinner stop at Pizza Hut. We hit no traffic or accidents.

Today I went food shopping, and bought a used dvd and watched that. I also made Seafood Lasagna and grilled scallops for dinner, with a side of chunky applesause. And Im about to dig in!! YUM-O!

I have an interview as a receptionst at a veterinary office on Thursday. Wed is 50% off at the Salvation Army and tomorrow I will make a run to base to the BX and to the post office to mail Nick a package filled with goodies.

So, as you can read, my life has been uneventfull.

Im waiting on cycle day 1 to start which should be sometime this week. IUI number 2 should be around my 23rd birthday!