claire

a disclosure

Home and heart

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Have you ever felt like - You belong to a place, but you don’t exactly know where? You’re heart belongs somewhere but you don’t exactly know with whom? It’s only when you get there, you will know where and only when you are with that someone, you will know who. I guess I will be finding that out soon! 

Home is where the heart is, so they say. I’m going home next week, for a few days, God willing. Lately, I’ve come to realize that I never gave enough time for my family. Being away from home has made me realize the many things I took for granted. This time, I’m excited, and scared!

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My aunt with my youngest niece
Excited – because I will get to see the whole family, God I miss them so much! I miss all of them, including my aunt and uncle residing next to us. Cousin Kima once told me it’s a sign of getting old when you learn to understand the importance of family. I guess I’m getting old. I feel the need to be at home, just to be there for whoever needs me!  My aunt (dad’s sis) is not well. In fact, she has not been well all her life. She doesn’t know how to take care of herself. She stays with my uncle (dad’s elder brother), who is now old and weak. While at home, I used to bathe her when I get the time. Mom called me up the other day, she said my two sisters-in-law bathed her (which was so kind of them), and seems she kept enquiring about me. After hanging up, I just cried! And dad, dear old dad, once upon a time, I used to wash his feet, trying out all sorts of pedicures. He always loved it. But my busy schedule made me stop; it’s been 4 years since I have done that for him. Mom, she’s the strongest of all the women I’ve known. She handles her disease so bravely, that it gives me the courage to face the incomparable small obstacles that I’m facing. My brothers, I’ve been bestowed with their unfailing love and support. They have been literally running around for me ever since my stay here in Guwahati. They’ve been busy paying my phone bills, my road tax, my internet bills, and delivering my experimental stuffs that has to be sent from Mizoram every once in a while. Before, whenever someone finds out that I’m the only sister in the family, that too, the youngest, the first comment would always be “How lucky of you, you must be pampered a lot!” I never liked the word “pamper”. So in my defense I would always reply that I’m just like one of the brothers. Now, if anyone makes that comment again, I would proudly smile and say “Yes, I am pampered because my five brothers love me so much………” Friends, yes, my wonderful friends, there’s so many things to catch up that I don’t think my few days will be enough. One of my best buddy, my Kungfu Panda has promised me Lunch at 'Pemarin Corner', because he’s single and lonely (Bwahahahaha..jk). But on one condition that I should not get hitched before the great lunch, so I am trying my best to not get hitched ;-). I can’t wait to see my nieces and nephew - they are my noisy disturbers, my make-up attackers, my high heel destroyers, my nemesis, my sunshine, my world, my life. And Prissy, my soul sister (technically my niece) will be bringing lots of goodies for me (I hope) from her 3 months stay in London. I know she will. :-)

Scared – mainly because when I get to look at my folks, they would have aged more since the last time I saw them, which always saddens me. And the few days will pass by so fast that I’d probably be singing  one more day from the beginning of my stay. And this time, I guess I’ll come to realize if it’s worth giving a shot to find out some of the things I need to find out! I may have to lose a friend or two, or may have to gain new ones. There are chances in life when you encounter someone you’re so compatible with, that you find it hard to let them go when you have to, or maybe not necessarily let them go, but let go of the things which was once fun and exciting. But someone once told me that a true soul will always stick with you no matter what and they will pass the test of time. In life, we win some, we lose some, and reality bites sometimes.

So, Home, here I come, to find out where my Heart belongs!







That awkward moment when...

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your supervisor comes up with a continuous not-so-funny joke, and you have to pretend like you’re laughing really hard at every pause he makes

you have to conduct a prayer service at an ex’s house, with his wedding pictures hanging all over the wall right behind where you stand

you text while walking, and you bump on to a pillar

your boyfriend introduces you to his ex and you have to act real friendly

the buttons of your shirt opens by itself while crossing the road on a windy day, with a bus-stop full of people right in front of you

you meet your ex with his wife and kids during Christmas feast and you quickly pretend to smile at his kids

you meet an online friend for the first time and your voice starts to tremble and you get all shaky

you realize there’s a person walking behind you all along while you were adjusting the back of your tight pants

your teacher constantly looks at you while explaining in class and you have to pretend like your'e thinking real hard

you recall a previous conversation and you start to smile, when you suddenly realize that the person in front of you is watching, so you have to pretend you were smiling at the person behind him

you place the sugar container lid on the much smaller kettle while brewing tea for a first time visitor

 you update a romantic status on facebook and your friend confidently assumes its for another guy

that awkward moment when you just discovered so many websites dedicated to all other awkward moments and you plan to stop writing your post

Hah. So what! These are MY awkward moments :D







My contribution to Father's day 2012

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Yet another Father’s day tomorrow, which would be a reminder for many of us to appreciate our fathers and for some, to miss their dads who had already left for heaven. I’m not going to blog about how necessary or unnecessary it is to put such days as Mother’s Day, or Father’s Day or Friendship Day or Valentine’s day, because most of the comments would be “Every day is a Father’s day, it is not necessary to appoint only one day…..” and so on and so forth. See, I can read your mind :-)
Its been 3 years already, with my post relating to dad, where I wrote My gratitude towards my dad in June 2009. 
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Dad and Mom, with my youngest niece on my brother's wedding. March 2012
Today, I just want to reminisce the times I had with him when I was young. Mom was a strict mom back then. So, whenever I wanted new clothes or new toys, I would directly go to dad. And his answer was always “Yes” and mom would exclaim “You will spoil your children someday”, he and I would just giggle along as if we are partners in crime. I remember once on a Christmas Eve, it was after knowing the truth about Santa, I wanted a Doctor’s set so much, that I asked dad for the cash. I went and bought my own Santa Claus’s gift, placed it nicely on the plate I had kept at the bottom of my bed. And the next day, he came and woke me up excitedly “Go open Santa’s gift!” We, both pretending not to know how it came and mom gave us that ‘I don’t believe these two’ face. (Haha). We used to own a restaurant when I was in high school, and dad taught me how to make ‘Suzi’ (Sooji) and bake ‘Plain cake’, and I was the proud maker of such items which we would sell at our restaurant, and I would manage my own pocket money from that, and dad would ask me every day “How is your business today?” (Ka pi, vawin I sumdawnna enge a an?) as if we are in the middle of a child’s play and I would reply with such excitement. Dad taught me so many stuffs, the principles of life, and mostly the importance of not being ashamed of doing a hard laborious work. He would rear pigs up at the terrace, and to reach the terrace, we had to walk past the main road. He would insist I carry the pig’s food  and I would be so scared because if any of my school mates saw me, they would tease me. But that made me who I am today. There was once a time, I fell in love with singing, and I played Elvis Presley’s song 'Don’t cry daddy' rewinding it over and over, and whenever I was practicing along with Elvis, Dad would come by and pretend as if he’s crying in the ‘don’t cry daddy’ line.


He used to make blackboards for me, as I always wanted to play the part of a teacher. Sometimes I run out of friends to play with, and so, I would make dad sit as one of my student, and when I make roll calls for attendance, he would mimic all kinds of voices to say “present Miss” and “absent Miss”. And when I wanted to play a doctor, he would be my patient. I would steal some of his letterheads and strike off his name and replace it with mine ‘Dr. Lalremsiami Hrahsel’ written on the top corner, and I would prescribe all kinds of medicine with a very bad handwriting like them doctors. When I entered teenage years with the application of high heels, I remember he would come walk near me, bending his knee so as to shorten his height, and would say "You have become taller than me, how is this possible?!", and I would always love that. Coming to think of our age difference, him in his 70’s and me in my late 20’s, I now wonder how dad could manage to be such a good friend back then, and now.

Dad is a man of few words. He is funny. He talks less, but works more. He is now a best friend for my four nieces and one nephew. With mom being sick for the past one year, I am inspired by the way he takes care of her. Due to her medication, mom gets very hot-headed sometimes. But I have never seen him getting angry or fighting with her in my entire life. I want to marry someone like my dad, someone who would take care of me, who would make me laugh, at the same time who could be my best friend and my partner in crime :-) 

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