Dear Sweet Woman Trying to Get Pregnant

There are a lot of these open letter type posts floating around.  I have enjoyed the ones that pertain to me and they just seem to speak to my heart.  Even though it has been years since my own struggle through infertility, it is something I won't forget.  The emotions and the pain will always be a significant part of my story.  So I wrote my own open letter.  I'm sure there are others like it floating around but here is my attempt to encourage those waiting, hoping, and struggling through the pain...

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Dear sweet woman trying to get pregnant,

I know you.  I see you in the checkout line at Target. I see you waiting in the same room as other women great with child.  I see your eyes trying not to look but not being able to help it.  I see the pain and the longing.  I recognize it right away.  I know the pain.  And the longing.  I know how hard it is to see bellies and babies and pregnancy announcements on Facebook and Instagram.  You are bombarded with images you wish you could ignore.  

I know you are tired. I know you are dreaming.  And still hoping.  I know it's an endless exhausting cycle.  I see your grief. I see how you try to act happy at the latest friend announcing her pregnancy (her first, second, and in some cases by now your friends are on their 3rd).  I know how your heart drops when your deepest longing is to be able to share the same.

I know you are now skipping baby showers.  You feel guilty, but you know it's best for your heart.  I see you avoiding phone calls and girls nights because you don't have anything to add since everyone else will be talking about pregnancy woes, newborns, or toddler antics.  I know how much you long to be able to discuss those things.

I see your browsing history online includes message boards about infertility, the best fertility clinics with the best success rates, and infertility blogs.  These people get you.  I know that.  I've hung out there too. Sometimes you just need people in your life who understand.

I know you're tired of the questions.  I see your face when another person asks, "so when are you two going to start a family?".  I know the frustration that brings.  I know you want to scream and shout. I know you wish you could be one of those couples who could just plan your family easily.  I see each holiday passing you by without being able to make a fun surprise announcement to your family and friends.  I see, instead, you begin to have the hard conversations with them.  Not wanting to see the pain on their faces. Not wanting the awkwardness to follow with your friends.

I hear you make that first call to the clinic. I see you nervously going to your first appointment.  There is fear.  Anxiety.  Always hope. I see you get poked and prodded and doing things you would have never thought you would have to do.  I see you wondering and asking why this is your lot.  When there are babies being aborted.  Babies being abandoned. I see your eyes get big when the first bill arrives.  I know you and your husband are selling things and figuring out where the money will come from.  I know you would do anything to make it happen.

I know how tired you are from negative pregnancy tests.  How you will them to have a second line or quickly flash the words you so long to see.  I see you laying prostrate on the cold tile in your bathroom grieving once again.  It seems hopeless. It seems dark and lonely.  It seems no one understands that infertility is some of life's most exhausting grief.  I see you every month second guessing what your body is doing.  Hoping against hope this will be the month.  I see your dreams crushed again and the sobs rocking your body. Your husband sits helplessly stroking your hair.  He would do anything to make the pain go away.  I see you hating his own private grief.  I know he hates the clinic visits too.  I know the fun of making a baby is long past. 

But I see your resolve too.  Your determination.  Your hope. 

I want you to know that even though I now have 4 children of my own, I see you.  I really do.  My hearts knows your heart and I recognize your weary eyes.  I will never forget.  I know you.  I also know a God in heaven who writes the best stories.  They don't always come about in ways we want or expect.  His stories are kingdom stories who point to a Rescuer who knows you better than I, or any other woman who has struggled with infertility, ever will.  He came to rescue us from our sin and from the darkness of this world.  He fights for you and me. He feels our pain and has suffered on our behalf.  He has given us a better hope. Even in the deep pain and grief, He is there.  He knows you best. I hope you will trust Him. I hope you will give all your dreams and hopes to Him and watch as His story for your life unfolds.

Some Parenting Thoughts

I am, by NO means, an expert in parenting.  I have 9 years under my belt and 4 kids so I would say I have a good bit of experience but no real expertise.  If I'm honest, some days I feel like I have absolutely no right to have 4 bodies/hearts/souls under my care.  I feel sorely inadequate day to day.  And some days I feel like an absolute failure.  And while I have been WAY more laid back with my 3rd and 4th children, it's still hard to know what to do and when to do things.  Each child is so different.  And there are SO many books and blog posts and articles to read on any and everything.  It's overwhelming.  So here's some random thoughts about:

SUMMER SCHEDULE...

So, we basically have one week of summer left here.  It flew by.  Seriously flew by.  I, for one, am excited about school starting back up.  I thought about homeschooling Samuel this year...like really thought about it.  I am really thankful that he is going to 5th grade to finish elementary school.  The Lord made it pretty clear that's what we needed to do and I'm glad.  I think I'm a much better mom to them (and him specifically) than school teacher.  And they do much better with me when they have some time away from me.  But that's just us for right now.  It may all change one day and I may homeschool.  I love the thought of homeschooling.  I love my friends who do it!  One reason I am glad I have not been called to it yet is I really don't think I would be good at it.  People think I'm really organized, but I am really actually not.

 I tried to do our summer schedule this summer because last summer that would have worked really well for us.  This summer it was a total fail.  We did it the first week.  Sigh. To be fair, we really haven't been home an entire week together since then.  And then there was potty training.

POTTY TRAINING...

I have done the 3 Day Potty Training boot camp with every single one of my children and none of them have succeeded in 3 days.  Go figure.  They have gotten it eventually usually by day 4 or 5 though.  I still HATE it. In fact, when I first saw the surprise two lines on a pregnancy test that meant I was pregnant with Annie, my first thought was I have to potty train again.  I'm not lying!  It really is my least favorite parenting task! So about 2 weeks ago I decided to go ahead and train her.  The dreaded time had come.  Summer seemed a good time to do it.  She was pretty familiar with the process.  She watches me go all the time.  She watches her sisters go all the time. She was showing several other signs.  Plus this way I could get her trained before the craziness of school starts. 

 I have a problem in believing that my children will follow the plans laid out for me in articles/blogs/books. It's a real problem, because for whatever reason not one of my children has been by the book.  Maybe it's an issue with me and I don't do things right...but none the less my children do not like to do things by the book. None of my babies ever really did the whole schedule thing.  Jeff told me to throw out the Babywise book when EK was about 5 weeks old because it was making me crazy that she wouldn't do what the book so easily laid out.  She had reflux and is strong willed and has been since the day she was born, but I digress. Abigail has been the only one who has been easy to sleep train, potty train, train in general.  She is my only compliant child.  I love her for that.  Thank you Lord for one.  So, back to Annie. She is a lot like EK...so I was prepared.  I was prepared for potty training to be hard. It was.  I still hated it. 

Day 3 I almost gave up, but I'm stubborn too (have no idea where my girls get it from:))...so we stuck with it and by day 5 she got it.  Well, she got the pee-pee on the potty anyway.  She has that down to a T.   What we don't have is the other.  Still.  My others got the whole part of potty training eventually like after about a week.  Not this 4thchild.  Oh no.  She waits to go in her pull up at nap time or at night. Or she just goes in her panties.  And she does not care one little bit.  And I have no idea what to do.  I've bribed. I've offered rewards.  I've acted disappointed. I've acted like it's no big deal. Oh, it is making me crazy! So hopefully one day this stubborn child will be fully potty trained and I will breathe a big sigh of relief to finally be done and never have to do it again!

CHORES...

Why can't I be consistent with this? I mean, we have really tried every thing. Nothing works well past a week or so.  Don't get me wrong, the kids are expected to make their beds, help clear the dinner table, help set the table, help clean up, unload dishwasher, help put their clean clothes away, etc.  So they do that well and most of the time without complaint.  Having a big family really means the kids have to contribute to the running of the household and my kids do a lot.  I would just love for them to have a few more responsibilities and a system in place for some rewards so I'm not always reminding them.  I know it requires discipline on mine and Jeff's part and I guess that's where the whole thing is breaking down.

MEALS...

Jeff and I did a challenge called WHOLE 30 in June and it was great!  For 30 days we ate only fruits, veggies (but no corn or beans), and lean organic meats.  We cut out all gluten, dairy, alcohol, sugar, and legumes.  

It was hard, but we learned so much and it was so worth it!  We both felt the best we have felt in a long time!  So we are trying to move to a paleo diet but it's hard.  Expensive and hard to adhere to all the time.  Why are fresh and healthy foods the most expensive?  I think our grocery bills are more than our mortgage right now.  We are spending so much on food and I have got to figure out a way to cut that down.  One way I am trying is through Emeals. I signed up (with a coupon of course) for their paleo plan.  So they will email me recipes and a grocery list each week.  The ones I've made so far have been great, but I'm not sure it has helped on the budget yet.

If I even have readers anymore and you have any thoughts or advice on any of the above, I will gladly take it:)!!!

Sweet Summertime

We got to spend some time in Atlanta the week of July 4. Jeff preached at the church I grew up in! What an honor and exciting thing that was! Perimeter Church has two services and Jeff did both of them...preaching to over 3000 people! He did such a good job!

We had lots of family at church with us that day! 

Then we got to spend a day on the lake with my family!  The kids and adults all had a blast! 

 

We came home to celebrate the 4th of July at home!  Jeff's parents came down and we had lunch together then headed downtown to a free family event on the river.  It was crowded but the kids enjoyed a few things.  Then we went into the amphitheater for the symphony and firework show!  It was SO good!  Thankful to be an American!  Thankful for these cute kiddos (just not much better than kids in red white and blue). 

Real life pic...then the good pic!

We are enjoying our summer!  Thankful for family and friends who are making it great!