i wonder when did i start to love watching dramas... tink it started long ago when it was still the "cartoon-age" for me... wonder y we love to watch love stories on tv n in cinemas... i'm starting to think that it's not good for health. really. alot of times i rem myself getting dazed n lost in space (haha, tt's michelle's nick rite now) after a doze of shows like my love patzzi. while younger pple like woon teng's sis sees no point in watching them, she finds them wu liao and boring.

jus like e hk drama i've been watching on my com these nites since i cldn't go online coz e com was going bonkers n bro's tryin to solve the problem. it's a show about a swimming team, and e episode i jus stopped at was this remake of the story of e little mermaid... well it sounds lao tu isit? haha but it's not, tho they made use of e same storyline for that part of e show... eyes are the best deceptors rite? they hide the best things from you, the most important ones... i forgot how e little mermaid ended... it is a good one is it?

but as we all noe, we jus love defying health, wad's bad for health we dun care, all the more we eat... cant bear to think of the consequences, if there is any...

off to eat breakfast, i'm crapping too much, while alot of other words go unsaid...

well infernal affairs was... confusing... kept having flashbacks here n there... but somehow i enjoyed e movie...e 2 hours really fly past...haha i tink i'm biased tt's y i love e movie tooo much to think negatively about it... -___-'' so thought provoking, ended up with so many questions unanswered in my brain...sometimes tt incompleteness makes e movie complete eh? there r many things in life tt will go unanswered... whether u like it or not...

ya, i'm biased... hehe i've always like tony leung alot haha.... he's not my idol (come to think of it i dun haf one right now) but he's really very charismatic (die i dun even noe how to spell)...he's a really great actor reallly deserved the golden horse award...something special in his eyes tt can convey messages around..read in some magazine tt he's a man of few words n they keep saying that he and carina lau make an unusual couple bcoz one is so quiet and e other is so outgoing.... well but who cares they've been together for like 14 years... they cldn't haf been not compatible... nobody will know better than e two of them themselves

boo... still wondering whether to watch di xia tie, heard tt it wasn't tt good but hmm jus feel like watching it =P

on fri woon teng brot her sis along... i noe woon teng'll disagree (on e surface) haha but i tink her sis's very cute... haha how i wish i haf a younger bro or sis to take care of.... dun mind the "bickering", it jus goes to show how deep their understanding of each other is.... n her sis's going st nick next yr!! but she seems worried by e things i tell her... haha how come?

it's xmas today :D

i'm feeling kind of peaceful right now... though i'm alone at home with my hw scattered all around me... did i mention tt i haven really packed my desk since hols started? hee... but I just duno y, I can continue smiling to myself, slowly filling up my foolscap (haven written for too long, my fingers feel rather rigid) while some really nice songs play in the background... with me singing along (whoops)... maybe it's e magic of christmas that can keep me going, keep me optimistic tho i tink i shld be getting panicky by now. was thinking, i shld just give myself a break? :)

now i understand what it feels to be alone, yet happy... one day u'll feel sad, lonely, sian, tired, miserable, confused or angry... but e next day, usually things tt happened e day before disappear from ur mind, n u r ur happy self again. that is, if ur problems aren't that big after all. or maybe all problems aren't big if u noe where u scale it on ur weighing scale... what's considered a huge problem anyway? ok i sound too cheerful... later a big problem pops out of nowhere... =P

n i learnt the joy of gift-exchanging... e look in one's eyes can be so heart-warming...
e com's going to hang soon... hmm i'm not very irritated tt's rare u noe
wondering how's everyone's xmas this year... having fun somewhere outside, or like me, stoning peacefully at home?
i'm getting hungry... n i rem e joy of eating chocolates!! my aunt gave us a box of choc frm belgium.... i luv those... haha

below's e nice song i've been toking about.... even e lyrics r great... to me :) anw i still duno how to copy n paste chi characters....

好心好報 (合唱版)
曲：雷頌德 | 詞：方傑 | 編：
A：落力為你好 得不到分數
你決定要跟他日後同步
他不懂愛惜你 我樂意操勞

S：我決意愛他 祝我愉快吧
你最明白我痛極亦留下
傷得很重也不怕 我願意等他

A：還看著你 (S：他會感動嗎) 看你在懸崖走路
(S：他亦跑掉嗎) 他卻放下你 只照顧自己

S：我慣了愛他你怎樣做 在懸崖還是我無退路

A：對你好 無人稀罕我好 無人欣賞我好
原來你習慣他一套 從來沒有愛我 看得清楚
我知道 不必得到 不妨陪襯 但願為你好

S：他 從來都比你差 仍然死心愛他 垂頭再度聽他欺詐
期求他說愛我 為何尚未等到 可能這秒時辰未到

A：是受罪也好 聽聽你哭訴 你說難過總比分手更好
S：我說幾多的女主角 也受過煎熬

A：情況壞到 (S：他也許做到) 你信任來年一日他答應做到
(S：他也許做到)通通都做到

合：我也似你的無從勸告 寧願犧牲都不願卻步

A：對你好 無人稀罕我好 無人欣賞我好
原來你習慣他一套 從來沒有愛我 看得清楚
我知道 不必得到 不妨陪襯 但願為你好

S：他 從來都比你差 仍然死心愛他
垂頭再度聽他欺詐 而明知你愛我
我竟扮未知道 好人 恕我未能做到

A：你當我是知己 我看得到 我當你是一生前途
S：幾次也是沉迷麻目 控制不到
合：怎麼好都等不到

A：怎去做 無人珍惜我好 無人喜歡我好
原來要學會他一套 從來沒有 吻過 記得清楚
我知道 不必得到 不妨陪襯 但願為你好

S：好 從來都知你好 (A：未夠好)
為何他不夠好(A：我不夠好) 回來我又與他擁抱

合：仍然相信我會 有好心得好報 可能 到某日會知道

tired...*yawnz but gotta rite abit...

not tt i wan to be mean... but e rj xmas fun carnival cum concert thingy is kind of a flop....disappointing... no xmas atmosphere...there's not much of an audience n e guest musical groups tt were invited there (which include us) were playin to an empty audience... for wad? well... tink u can just say tt it's bcoz of cip hours we r still trying to earn...

so bored n sian during waiting hours tt we played bridge all e while... haha... in sum illegal corner... hehe... shld we do tt again tmr? tmr's e last day anw... e last day b4 xmas... hmm... everyday frm morn to nite... tt's not really my cup of tea... n my house's so near j8.. tt i feel so tempted to jus go home n sleep.. oops... but saw my old classmates there...seok, xiaoxia luyi serene charmian zhimin.. yay took a mini 4C class photo... n den sort of caught up with gossip here n there... well tt's wad we always do eh?

tonite... me n jan went to watch e choir at fullerton... wow i dino it can really sound so nice!! quite mesmerised... haha... i haven gone for caroling in my whole life... or maybe it's bcoz of e hotel... so grand.. we reached there abit late but luckily din missed alot =P jan met alot of her mgs frens there... brenda seemed quite touched to see me hehe i wonder if u r reading this? den we did some naughty things like blowing out candles behind e back of e guards haha.. n we sat at e lounge enjoying e atmostphere lookin up at e hotel jan says that it'll be wonderful if they make e ceiling transparent so tt we can look up to e sky... walking past e singapore river at nite haven done tt for a long time... tho it was only a few minutes.. best of all it doesnt stink (tho i knew tt long ago -__-)

xmas... it's a joyful season... who do u spend it with? friends or family?

tmr nite my whole family's goin to be out... n i dun really wan to spend it alone at home luckily me n huimin decided to go town walk walk for a while... it's goin to be really crowded i hope i'll be able to squeeze into e mrt.. there's 3 movies i wan to watch b4 hols end kind of impossible rite? so hard to make a choice! prob watching lotr or infernal affairs with woon teng n shuang ning.. di xia tie... hope can find someone who doesn't mind watching with me haha....

mind reading.... e mail tt meiyun sent us.. too tired to figure out e trick behind it... maybe i cant anw..heh. so i jus anyhow type in numbers n of coz e 7-up guy still proudly says tt he cld read my mind..-__-'' hmm btw... i've decided not to mind read pple.. 1stly it's hard to guess correctly, but more imptly i tink i'll be invading pple's privacy... i'm always so busybody it's time to restrict myself abit.... (dun make new yr resolutions in e past but guess this can be myone) since we r born not to understand each other perfectly we shld leave it as this rite? no use disrupting nature... we r not supposed to read each other's expression, mind, tone... i shld respect others rite?

xmas can get kind of lonely.... tt's y there's this song lonely xmas by eason chan... where were e days we were still boucing around wearing xmas hats n having xmas parties? besides, these few days have been really tiring... duno how i can get tired by stoning, playing cards n performing every now n then...aiyo. kind of worried abt hw... can finish if i rush abit next week but e worrying thing is tt i forgot almost all my work n it gets so frustrating tt i cant do qns tt are not supposed to be challenging at all.. haiz..

realise tt my blogging style has changed over e mths... but i dun see my english improving... i'm still writing in short form n simple sentences... n i still stare at my issues n ideas not knowing wad to rite...

putting aside everything...
MERRY XMAS to all! :)

i cant believe it.... today i jus became a part-time housewife =/

haha..no lah it wasn't that bad... but since my mum n bro r not back yet in s'pore now... i have to sort of prepare dinner for me n my dad.. hmmm so following my mum's instructions... i went to e market to buy ingredients 4 some chinese carrot soup thingy... aiyo i nearly mistook some kind of weird vegetable for green carrot (qing luo bo... duno if it's e correct translation).. luckily i got asked... or else e soup duno turn out to be..??? n den bot some pork n porkbones... i knew i dun look like i noe wad i was buying... luckliy e auntie there taught me how to call those... in hokkien or sumthin... but now i forgot again... wad's the use... i guess i need more experience.. which means more trips to e market... which i haven stepped in since like sec sch?

n den cooked lunch 4 myself... noodles only... nothin much :(... got lotsa things to do... xmas cards...hw.. guitar... n household shores like washing e laundry... n hanging them out to dry -__-''' now i understand y my mum's always so tired frm all these little jobs... it's really alot!!

n i miss my mum n bro... cant imagine living w/o them u noe... e house's so quiet today.. had to play some nice music... there r really some very nice canto songs... a duet by alex fong n stephy frm cookies... hhaa.. bet u wun noe them but really, it's a great song =)

back to work!!

i've decided to stop surfing around... it's affecting me already...

haiz maybe we shldn't compliment pple at all. wad's meant to be a compliment can be an insult to someone. maybe not as serious, but the more we hear the same compliment, over and over again... we question ourselves... r we really tt great? instead of getting conceited, u become very self-conscious, very scared. until one day, everything collapses.... n u wonder how u r goin to deal with all these....? all e expectations...e confusion...

we shldn't use depressed this word... coz depression spreads around... soon all e pple close to u 'll contact this disease... we wun wan that, do we?

we shldn't tink of tomorrow as the time to correct things.. do it when u noe u r doing the right thing, whether it's for ur own happiness, or others'...


shouldn't tink too much...
cheer up!! u r back... n xmas's coming up.... time to enjoy myself! but yah.... haf to try practising guitar liao... e concert's only like 3 days away... bongz

back frm hongkong =)

e beijing trip was quite ok...tho we went quite alot of historical places tt kind of make me feel very tired... haha... there was once when we were in the public park... there were some senior citizens playing a kind of unique racket game... something like a mix between taiji and tennis. if u get wad i mean.... haha... it was quite amusing to watch them coz while they try to swing the ball to each other, they also sort of dance around.... hehe. waving their arms slowly around n i noticed their feet also sway and move along... hahaha. my bro, my forever kiddy bro, he approached one of the ladies and asked to let him play with one of them...hehe hmm was quite surprised that he managed to grasp the technique not to let the heavy ball drop to the ground... den he got so conceited tt he began doing stunts like lifting up his leg n swing the racket frm under his leg -__-'' really lohz.. den he keep repeating the action (n not missing any shot)... ahem... i tink the lady's expression was quite funnny, she dino whether to laugh or scold him.... hahhaha

n it snowed there... it was the 1st time i've seen snowflakes drifting down the sky, 1st time to feel them landing softly on me, the kind of cooling feeling felt really refreshing...so different frm walkin in the rain...kind of magical... tho it was early in the morn (usually i'll be quite grouchy).... i felt happie walkin in the snow...making footprints around, drawing funny faces... i sound so naive, but really i've always love winter the most...

lookin out of the window can get u into a v.dreamy mood.... on the roadside, there were very few pple around, jus countless no. of bare trees stripped of their leaves... somehow they look nicer without them... =)

snow brings me back to hongkong, where i saw those snowglobes again.. precious moments again... they look really beautiful, even in the display window. how i wish i can jus buy one of them home... but look at the price...hk$179, which is exactly $40 in sing dollars... really cant afford it u noe... hoe come they just dun sell those in s'pore? no winter doesnt mean that they cant sell winter-related gifts rite? hmm so disappointed. but at least i noe now tt i wasn't dreaming abt them, they really do exist... well this is one of the things tt i can just see, but jus cant haf it....

on a happier note... i had a really great time in hk... 1st 2 days was spent on visiting relatives, which was abit sian... but nvm... the days just got better n better.... shopping was really great i jus feel like buying everything!!... but the best stuff i got was jus some necessities... hahha like shoes n bags =P hk's really great, they haf this whole stretch of shops on one street in Mongkok.... that just mainly sell sports shoes!!! so many varieties...so many to choose frm i really duno where to start with... n bcoz the pple there r so trendy n all.... once a particular series of a brand like nike jus gets 'out of fashion' in hk... the price'll drop... hehe.... n they having xmas sales too... so got some pretty good offers.... saw a pair of nike shoes really very very nice.... but e price was also quite appalling... coz it's some japan limited edition... haiyo... too bad...haha

one thing i mus say, is that hk pple really noe how to do business... the salespeople dun follow u around the shop as if u r goin to shoplift or sumthing, n they oso dun try to introduce to u stuff that they weren't able to sell away... instead they stand inside the shop n shout out loud, sumthing like "come in n try".. n nothing else.... not too naggy or else scare away customers... n their service's really good too...not tt they r acting courteous or wad... but like if u find sum flaw in the shoe, they'll just go in n take out a better pair for u... n they'll say sorry, n they'll try to satisfy all ur requests... n they'll oso explain y there's a flaw or sumthing...

but u cant say hk pple r all polite tho.... the cantonese lang can sound very nice, but it can oso sound very very crude too... it jus depends on the tone n the words u use eh? n u can see alot of drama on the streets...esp ones involving taxi drivers... got too specific incidents... one was i tink a car accidentally (or deliberately i duno) scratched a taxi...den the taxi driver jus rushed out n started kicking furiously at the other car's body... aiyo... so scary... den another time... saw this taxi driver arguing with a couple.. frm their conversation, it seems like the passengers din haf have change or sumthin n refused to give the driver enuf money... den i saw a note thrown on the road... duno whether it's the driver or the couple who threw it down.... den the driver was so mad tt he looked as if he's goin to bash up the two of them.... heee my mum was quite ba gua, i had to drag her away b4 the conflict involves us...

hk's a really very exciting place... very happening... n the young pple there r so funky n cool...esp. the students wearin their uniform n shopping around even late at nite.... the gals most of them r very cute n chio.. the kind i like (n am not) big eyes, good fair skin... they really noe how to keep up with latest trends... very like jap culture... like their hairstyles...all so nice... n their uniform, the winter uniform with tie, coat, skirt, long socks n black shoes.... really make them look very good leh...

heh.. one thing was i went to take neocard with my bro for the 1st time... hahah... so farnie...

it's sad... but i feel as if i dun belong there..feel like a tourist except that i speak canto most of the time... bro's certain that he's goin back hk to look for job in the future... now tt we haf a new house in hk... it'll jus make things much easier.... but it's so different for me, my frens r all here in s'pore, most of my memories r from here, i jus feel safe n secure here.. like it's really my home....

but as i looked out of the window on the plane last nite.... lookin at the neon lights blinking non-stop at me... all the high rise buildings... even the hills... i felt a sense of pity for myself... not exactly pity, but "yi2 han4"... tt y i had to migrate at such an age... that i was able to think properly, when i was already able to remember beautiful childhood memories in hk...


neither here..nor there


bye-bye hong kong... for now

trying to get my mind on SATs now... but doesn't seem to work...
This will the last time i'll blog for now... until i come back frm hols... i guess i'll miss blogging alot, alll my thoughts will be forced to cram inside my brain... if i dun get them out in time, I'm afraid I'll start talking in my sleep...

Was told many times that i'm quite a fortunate person... I guess it's kind of true according to my expectations. I have an ordinary but happy life... i have a lovable family and a comfortable home (my room being the biggest one of all at home... haha), i have frens that will always be there for me, i haven achieved much but i tink the knowledge ive gained all these yrs will at least keep me alive somewhere on this planet... I have dreams fulfilled n some waiting to be fulfilled... i haven met with any really major setback in life yet... n i wonder wad will that be.. i hope it'll never come to find me. I can see (though not very clearly), hear (though kind of slow in reaction), talk (that's the most impt of all), smell (well at least i can distinguish btw sweet n smelly) and taste (almost the greatest joy in life)... well i tink all these will make me kind of weak n helpless in some situations, in times of adversity I wonder how i'll cope... but for now, i'll be content with wad i have, I dun wish for more liao... as long as all these r not taken from me... that'll be the best... :)

I feel like i'm writing a farewell letter... so sad.. no lah... -__-'' there are so many things in life to hope for, perhaps some are just for us to see from afar... like stars and clouds... up into the sky u realise that clouds aren't that nice after all... they r just huge lumps of gases clumped together r they? sounds awful.. sorry...haha. but ya they miay not be yours in the end. but anw... it's better to live in wad u believe in rite?

hopefully i can find a cheap cybercafe somewhere in hk... so i can come online again!... not one that has pple getting drunk in it... like the one i went last yr -__-''' smell of liquor n cigarette smoke.. yuck. okok tink i shld go now... i'm loitering around here too much :P pple good luck for sats kk? cya all sooon :)

wo men de ai shi lan se wo yan qian deng dai yi pian tian kong
er ni qiu shi tian kong

listening to liang jing ru's cd now... how appropriate... i'm in that kind of mood now....*sigh

today was quite a wonderful day i guess...haha i sound like i dun mind doing bio work? -___- but yah went tian tian's hse with soph n liwei... i luv goin to other ppl's hse aha... her dog wallie is so cute n guai i cant believe tt it's the 1st time i played with dogs... ya but it's true... i see him i feel like hugging him liao... hmm he must be quite a shy dog is he? hehe entian wonder if u r reading this? haha. but it's good rite... when u return to the house he always come n greet u... so nice the house like not so quiet liao... but it must be quite lonely for him sometimes.... guess i do luv animals...deprived.

anw we finished the whole thing... ok lah... almost done...feel so accomplished... like yesterday...tho me n ili never really study much at mac... ahha but at least we tried doin half a test together ok? oso nort bad liao lah... had a nice time chatting too... haiz it'll be a long time till we meet again...

wandering aimlessly around again... jus not in the mood to take out my word list... tho i noe i still got a long way to go... jus wondering... does crying softly help? ( i must say this 1st, it's not me kk.... dun worry... haha jus some more tots) frm wad i noe, it doesn't help much... maybe crying loudly will help... it works differently for all pple rite? how can u be sure that u've made the right decision? i cant understand.... i never will. there will always be little voices nagging at u... that it could haf turn out very differently.

beautiful, but it doesn't last... those that last aren't beautiful? not logical...heard of somebody who had a change of heart while studying overseas... den bring back the new bf to show the old one... how cruel can u get? frm sec sch to jc... at least 4 yrs eh? sometimes i tink guys lose out more than gals... tt's y songs sung by male singers seem more sad than those sung by females... at least this is wad i feel.

does the perception still remains the same as we grow older? disappointment.... is very hurting. No disappointment, just resignation is even worse. some things cant be spoken out n understood just like that. waiting for something to happen is even more foolish... coz u wun be there to see it. Maybe this time we can only depend on feelings. gan jue to be more exact. den nobody can change how u feel. tho acting on only feelings may be abit risky... u may end up worse. but it's better to haf feelings than not isit? without feelings, i'll just feel weird. n u wun be able to understand anyone else...not even urself?

the story of slorr and FlyNDance... i read once in sec 3, during one of those boring bio periods back in the 3C container classroom. felt that it was a great story that somebody thought of. a great piece of entertainment. now 2 years later, reading back the same story... tho i noe wad's goin to happen after that... that she's going to die, the ending still... I wonder how many similar stories exist out there... maybe not as beautiful and eventful, but all the same carry the same sense of helplessness and sorrow


sorry in a dreamy mood... just bear with it





"you yi ge ren, you yi ke xin, zao yi jing mo mo zi zhong zai na li"

back to civilisation!!

(as said by fellow zeus..haha)
i'm so dead tired... i tink i wun go for the 4C outing already... feel abit bad but i noe i need to sleep at least 12 hours tonite to survive the rest of this whole week... got so much to tok about the camp... all the farnie stuff, the sad realisations, the lessons taught n learnt... yesh camps do make us learn alot ALOT. more on mental and emotional development... standing this time from the view of the camp organisers, it feels so different than being one of the campers, huge sense of responsibility...dadada... shant elaborate on the details today... =P i've matured i tink, which is v. good (tho i know fully well tt it's still far frm real maturity... okie wad's real maturity anw?) i cant tink properly now, my brain is still "clogged up" (this phrase is one of the side effects of being in charge of cleaning bathrooms, lodges and clearing rubbish for 3 days -___-'' the sight of broomsticks and mops just puts me off now... haha i prefer vacuum cleaners and 'magic clean')


eyelids feeling really heavy now i noe i shld stop tho I just opened my overflooding mailbox... blehz i believe my eyes r already squinting hard and I must haf this sulky look on my face... coz quoting huifen's exact words,

"it's coming down"

with "it" standing for "tiredness"

tonite, "it"'s gone so down that it's already underground... haha lame

Personality: People find it easy to talk to you because you're a friendly person. You should watch out for your drastic mood swings because you may be accused of having a split personality. That makes you a very emotional personal who can't hide her feelings in front of public.

Love Tendency: First love=Marriage. That's your outlook on romantic relationships. Don't be frightened, you will have boyfriends but somehow that one person will always pop into your head again. You tend to be quiet and shy around a man you have feelings for. That's why you would never reveal that fact until he approaches you.

Life: Your joy around your friends and family is visible because it is at those events when you glow and brighten up. Make sure that you learn how to monitor your cash flow because that might get you into trouble. It's easy for you to have money in your hands but it goes right out of them if don't control it.



cancer + B+ (common blood grp... :)) hehe... how come it always seems so accurate? Aiyo... I'm looking forward to camp but today jus found out that weifang cant go for the camp so I'm be the only one in charge of health... kind of worried. clearly sure that im not a good leader... plus some low self confidence... arghhh... hope things will jus turn out rite yah? take things easy take things easy tt's wad i tell myself now...gtg... departing for camp in another 9 hrs 0_o there goes my sleepin hours... n i still haven packed my stuff yet!!!

this week started offf with a bang, cont'd in a rush and haven slowed down yet... had fun doing mass-shopping for food for 80+hungry campers for 3 whole days on mon... den on tue had a mini 'class outing' with xn zz n ee fung :) cant believe we went to play cs after the movie... maybe someday i'l understand how to play the whole thing...haha. den last nite took some really nice neoprints with amm :) long time never take liao. The background looks so nice, everything was jus rite.. den amm came my hse for dinner n had lotsa fun wandering around friendster, msn and bloggies....

everything felt so natural we din even realise it was late till my mum told us that it was already 11pm! there was something my fren lijuan said today tt made me very happie.. she said she felt very natural talking to me during bus trips... tt's a compliment rite? hehe. guess there arent many in our lives who feel comfortable in each other's presence...

jus some tots:

it's kind of sad that we expect pple to be able to read our minds all the time... we speak differently, we interpret differently. accuse each other of things that they didnt do... misunderstandings... n sometimes the price paid is really costly... jus like when we hear a cyclist ringing the bell behind us, we noe we need to duck or at least step aside... u say it's a natural reaction. but these things need to be taught... by pple we meet, by Time. Babies cry, and we often dun get the msg they r tryin to send across to us.... we try to make them laugh, scold them, force them to drink milk, or check the pampers... arent we all like babies??? When things go wrong, we complain we grumble we wish for the attention we always wanted... but the others may not get it... they try to make up for ur losses, try to think of possible solutions, ignore u and even get angry. they do everything that you dun wan them to do.

We live with regrets, n they will always stay with us for life. Pple say, just take these as lessons so that u wun commit the same mistakes ever again. Like looking out of the window, of coz we want to always see beautiful scenery out there
but maybe, it's already beautiful out there, only that u haven seeen the whole of it yet, or maybe u haven learnt how to appreciate what's real beauty

There's no fairy-tale like story in our world... touching stories always have very sad endings. When we read them, we say "so sad, but so nice"... but when we r the ones acting out these stories, we wun even find them nice... it's just pain isnt it? I noe life goes on, but if u dun believe in it for this moment, den dun. U can say life drags on, life sux... at least it's better than hiding everything behind some huge pretense.... it's really ok

somebody said simplicity is the highest level of complexity... hard to explain... but eventually u'll still find urself nodding ur head too rite?

I feel so empty inside me. slightly depressed. to find out that frens around me r having some problem that they duno how to solve. n i duno how to solve it for them too. :( when u get the things that u long to have, u wont be happie for long coz new problems will den surface, threatening to take all u haf (n treasure) away frm u

when I'm out, i'm happy but tired
n when i'm tired, i long to be at home
when i'm at home, feel so lonely that i wan to be out

the links n archives did the disappearing act again. together. AAAARgh. mei ren xin

got muscle aches here n there... coz of yesterday's badminton... hard to believe eh? even got a big bruise on my arm coz i held the racket for tooo loong... reallly haf no affinity with badminton (n tennis too... found that out last yr already) but nvm i'll jus cont to play... hahaha... n laugh my heart out. all the time i was losing (sorry partner shiyun n partner cjia) to the sister team (ps n her sis)... hahha... n the opponents keep doin high fives n shouts of 'woo' n yeahs on the other side of the court... got kind of frustrated tryin to figure out how to serve properly n how to smack... (while frantically tryin to catch ps's hard shots).. that i started cheering for myself every time i miss the shot... -__-''' sy tot i was turning mad...but really was fun.... n made me did lots of exercise.... sj keep sayin she wanna go swimmin hahaha... but nobody was free to go wif her... n drank alot of slurpeeee....decided green apple's still my fav flavour... blehz

was all wet so had to go change... luckily i rem to bring an extra change of clothes or else if i stay inside huifen's aircon room.... dot dot dot yucks. had a nice time slackin there while the meetin's on.. din contribute much... felt abit bad. still duno much details of the camp but with so many helpers, tink everythin shld turn out fine... i still wonder if ms gwee will recognise me...anw tried to put sequins in my phone but they din stay there.... for one pt a grp of us were juz cuddlin in circle jus tryin to pick out the best kind of shapes.. n my phone cover's coming apart... cracks here n there... den had dinner there too... hmm i'm developin a habit of eating over at frens' hse... oh no. reached home quite late n had to do that chore of using the hair dryer again... boing. cant go to sleep with dirty hair....NO!

today's finally a slacking day for me... might do some work... see first... mentally quite tired too... had to drag myself out of bed... maybe later i'll go read matrix spoilers... hahha... so i'll understand the whole thing more... =)

schedule for next wk:
sat: guitar +guides
sun: ??? go find ammz?
mon: guides
tue: hari raya... hmmm wad shld i do?
wed: go camp christine?
thur: .... duno... pack camp stuff?
fri - sun: olympus camp!!!.... hahhaa we r zeus
mon: 4C class gathering .... sentosa :) might end up sleepin there too...tiredz

hmm is the bodyworks at expo still goin on... haven seen 71 pple for days... kinda miss u all :(

nice tues morn. =)

woke up really early today.... (k lah... 8 is considered very early for me...) n I felt that i'm so lazy, I went for a jog in bishan park... tho jogging alone can be quite boring sometimes but today's different... so many dogs ... i never know their breeds, but still luv them lots (tho oso abit scared) then the sun felt so warm I havent felt so great for so long, considering that I dun like joggin or running much, I rather play some game... ahaha... jogged past the little shops in the park.... have never gone in there b4... heard that there's a pet shop, a vet, n some shop that sells yummy food (frm the look of the signboard outside)!! one of these days i'll go peep peep... duno y this morning all the shops din open.. wonder if it's bcoz there's not much business on weekdays... I oso ran past the dog run area... no dogs there tho..boo. all the slides n rings n balancing beams stuff.... ahh duno if the dogs really like playing there? I mean if u r a'grown--up'dog, maybe u'll consider these things quite childish rite? In any case, dogs need exercise to remain fit, n so do I.... realised that my stamina was so bad... at this rate I'm not goin to get at least C for napffa next yr... better buck up gal!!!


today i'm goin to stone at home.... most prob watch replay of shi ji lu kou...n some more vcds.... or maybe try reading the instructions in frnt of the sats book? haha....yahhh instructions only -__-''' the past few days were quite siann.... wanted to watch intolerable cruelty (which I dun really noe wad is it abt) but no longer shown in cinemas... debating whether to watch matrix anotz since i din watch the previous ones... yahh but did abit of shopping... n bought a nice skirt... yay after so long rite? open my wardrobe the only skirts that i can wear out is my hc skirt -___-''' some pple really noe how to do business ah? after i bot the skirt, the person keep shoving clothes into my arms, saying "mai3 zheng3 tao1" lah.... hen2 hao3 kan4 de2!" ahahah.... really loh, the shirt she gave me was 1 size too big liao... like i really believe her loh.... hahhaa... but was quite happie tt day :)

den roam around pasar malam for a while... sometimes i tink kids nowadays r quite fortunate... got so many nice toys!!... saw this electical toy that i used to luv lots, it's this machine that haf little penguins waddling (hahaa,... ) up the stairs... when they reach the top they'll slide down this spiralling slide... hahha... n there's a guys version too.... (using cars instead of penguins) hahaha.... lovely memories...

tmr goin back st nick with wei fang i tink... gotta discuss lodgings with ms ho for the camp.. haven gone back for a long time... i'm already an old gal... kinda strange.... if everythin turns out rite, thur can go play badminton...yay~ den later goin huifen's hse too.... n rem... haf to borrow cap frm ps too!!

GREAT loh... wad happened here? I feel like I've jus returned to a war scene. post-war aftermath... how? i dun wan to clear up this whole mess... did I really press the del key? how come everything's gone even my last line of comunication, my tagboard? n the music sounds really awful... tot i removed it already...=/ arghhh... I'm goin to take a long time to revamp this whole place... wad a huge chore...maybe tonite... not free now...boo. HELP!

a word of advice:
turn down the volume of ur speakers...

though it's only across the road... can still be considered fate rite? hahaz
coro's the place to meet old frens for me... met h.huimin n xinyi again.. =) on the stairs at cosy corner leadin to the rooster place... duno y they da bao there to eat oso... so farnie like some illegal workers lidat... okayyy they goin most prob goin to book 4C chalet for the last few days of dec.... so happie finally there's a chalet that i can go to... so fun so fun... cards volleyball bbq vcds night walk movies or maybe even shi ji lu kou... so long haven done such stuff with frens already.......nostalgic... den on 852 hee found shiyun n t.huimin sleepin on each other's shoulders (yes... sy sleepin on the bus again....witness that so many times!) heh n they cldn't see us at 1st den we had to call them n try to hint tt we can see them (w/o tellin them tt we r on the same bus)... k lah super lame but really loh when u jus get waken up by a phone call.... u tend to be kinda slow in thinking... n confused too... hahha anw they were goin Bishan park to cycle!!!... wanted to join them but recalled tt i sort of said tt i'll go home cook lunch for myself... in the end too late to go down entertain them... urghhz



gin bak dou zou gua lim gin dou zou hoi sum
fen lei hou cou cheung ye man si meng gin


these few days i tryin to collect ideas for wad souvenirs to bring back frm HK....hmmm cant tink of anythin special... maybe u can gif me some ideas of wad to buy for u? dun ask me to bring back roasted goose for u tho... =/ hahha... ya lah i noe tt's HK's specialty... wad else r there?

it must be bcoz of last nite's CHArMed that gave me such bad dreams... boo. I woke up feeling cranky... n of coz relieved that it was all a dream. BUt dreams are significant aren't they? they do reflect something... no matter if they are goin to come true or not. our desires, our aspirations, our hopes n usually our worse fears... yesh n this time it was my fears...=/ thanks loh... i had wished for a good nite's sleep last nite. haiz this's goin to be a long hols... hopefully the guides camp coming soon will keep my mind occupied


~even as we grow up, there are still lots of surprises to come
Not the perfect little gifts we give or receive
Nor the little somethings we do or are done for
But sometimes, it's the look of joy in someone's eyes
Especially when that someone is very, very precious to you~

okok.... it's late already 1.20am... y am i still online? pple like qr oso... still dun wan to sleep?
today rushed to sch to hand in pw file... tot i was late... n i tot i saw mdm toh behaving rather strangely... not suspiciously, i mean she seemed rather distracted... now i noe somethin happened.... haiz.z.. as i said many many times b4.... y cant pple jus mind their own business n stop creating trouble and unhappiness to other pple? really loh, he's not cut out to be a teacher in that case.... urgh when he had somethin to ask frm us... for example for tt interview thingy.. he acted like he's so understanding... how come nice pple always get bullied? how come these questions can never be answered?

anw... hope that everythin'll turn out fine.... as long as u din do anythin wrong, u dun need to feel guilty for anythin ok? n hope u'll be happie again soon... treat this as a lesson to see the ugly side of humans... i hate pple who anyhow accuse pple of things.. like they really know everythin loh... meanwhile... take care

qr jus reminded me that it's melinda's bdae today.... ah... i forgot leh i feel so mean. shall do sumthin abt it tmr...

after tt.. went kbox with the class pple.... not bad lah quite fun.... luv listening to songs... n listenin to other pple sing... n singing together is so nice... make me feel very warm and happie.. n of coz some farnie things happened during the whole thing... hahhaa.. in the end i was so sleepy jus went home rite after karaoke. slept like a pig again for 2 hours plus... feel so energised tt'sy i'm still online now...

tot that this'll be short..but den realised that i got lots to say. crap as usual.. here goes:

i noe i'm always laughin... maybe abit too much. haiz...it's not like i'm not happie... in fact i mean it when i laugh... jus that u can say that i'm easily tickled in that sense... but haiz after that....as u noe, cryin is often an extension of a laughin bout. When reality sinks in, the laughter turn to tears.

was at shawn's hse the whole day for pw.... quite FUN leh. he kept sayin that his room's a big mess but we din find it messy wad (okie maybe jus the bed... quite normal mah) haha den we were like rummaging through all his books... wahh tink he got lots of nice books unlike me (my books are all frm ages ago... tink pri sch? whoops) so me koped this bk frm him.... hahha "y men lie and y women cry" heee... bet it mus be a really corny book.. with all those kind of farnie cartoons n analysis... yay~ can read b4 i sleep.... =)

eh was on the bus alone again today... the pri sch students jus got dismissed frm sch... lots of them running around and shouting on the bus.... very noisy but kind of cute too.. hahha... couldn't help laughin to myself when i heard a boy calling names at his fren who was about to alight the bus, he shouted sumthin like "ni3 shi4 ji1 ah, ru2 guo3 ni3 bu4 shi4 ji1, then ni3 qiu4 shi4 ya1!!" so stoopid yet so farnie.... the fren looked rather indignant i tink... heee tot i might haf loooked rather ridiculous smiling to myself until i saw another passenger on the bus laughing to himself too.... =P

was quite a wonderful day i guess.... hope op will be fine on tue.......

u are to me as I am to u


been feeling low lately. beeen giving too many monosyllabic answers . I hate people to do that but now i myself is like that. maybe coz it's the last day of sch... farnie... i shld be feeling happie rite? tt's y i keep blogging n blogging..n u'll hear no end of me...

last day of sch which means that the yr is ending... time really flies past... i felt like i jus knew 71 for like a few mths... happie times there haf been many... learnt to learn things the hard way. it's jus so a coincidence that i met many frens today out in town... shiyun seejia huimin n some aquaintances frm st nicks last time.... lookin at all our diff jc uniforms, past memories keep floating back to me... it's not a wonderful feeling u noe... i duno y. i miss the past when i had less things to bother about. i felt like i've aged, but no i'm still as childish as ever. haiz.

totally confused. tt's me right now. i duno whether to stay or just to move on... it's like this time, i tink it was backstage during soiree a few mths back. somehow (i forgot y) i was tryin to get thru a door (or u'll rather call it a window coz it's transparent and it turns instead of being pushed open) with two guitars, one in each hand. n yah of coz i was having alot of trouble with them. there was nobody in sight to help. frm the back i saw a shadow approaching n suddenly there was a slight glimpse of hope... that i wun haf to put down both guitars and try getting out the door 1st. it was some guy carryin a guitar. ok fine maybe i'm already spoilt (class guys r quite gentlemanly i mus admit... haha) but that guy jus cut straight into my path w/o even holding the door for me n it does not look as he's in a hurry. wahh.. lousy analogy, but ya this is wad i feel now. helpless n hopeless. I shldn't haf even tot of carrying 2 things at one time. i jus shld haf let go n move on. let somebody else do the job... i'm tired. or i'm too weak. wadever


I cant get on with time, or time has caught up on me. either one.
jus let me feel down for a while

argh i wan to be online...
but my dad doesnt understand
he tinks i'm on msn again
pls loh
everynite
i'm doin pw
ike i'm really enjoyin myself

what would u do if u find urself n your fren in a life-threatening situation?
1) save urself first (escape and try to go look for help)

2) save ur fren first (give ur life to him/her and die w/o any regrets)

3) die together


suddenly tot of this strange question out of the blue yesterday...
in the past i tink i wld haf answered 2.... after all... always put others in frnt of yourself. In an emergency, i tot that i wld haf not cared abt the consequences. somehow i tot tt at least i died for a good cause. yeah rite... like such an "angelic" person =/

but something thing happened (tho it was a really such a trivial matter tt nobody wld haf rem) last week, that made me think again... yah, dun worry, i still will try to save my fren. if i'm quick enough. but no. perhaps there has always been a small part in me... that actually contains some selfishness. that i wld haf hesitated to save my fren.... not totally bcoz of slow reaction time, but partly bcoz i cared abt my own safety . time is not an excuse, if u want to do it, u can and u will succeed. u may think that, for example, if a car is speeding towards u n ur fren, u may not be able to save ur fren in time because there is simply no time for u to think of wad to do. but u r wrong. i realise that, the split seconds tickin away... are sufficient to make a decision, to be selfish or to save ur fren. an impt decision, tt can change ur life probably forever...

so now i still duno the anw to my own question... jus hope that i wun haf the chance to face it again... coz i'm afraid tt i might make a decision that i'll regret 4ever.... made ur loved ones grieve over ur death or to live forever in guilt coz u've chosen to keep ur own life.

~~~

haiz... mr pang's not goin to be our chem tutor next yr... kind of felt that this'll be coming.... coz i read frm other pple's blogs that they r changing chem tutors too.... but i refused to believe it. now i haf to. it's so sad. he's such a good teacher. haf became rather dependent on him for chem, otherwise i duno wad i wld haf gotten for promos... always did my tut not bcoz it's compulsory.. but tt i feel that i wld haf sort of let him down if i dun. besides, it'll be so much easier to listen to his explanations if i've done my hw... he'll always make difficult stuff seem so easy to understand... clearing our doubts... his great sense of humour (in a very farnie sarcastic way)... so many things.... what makes me esp. touched is that he actually appreciates us as much as we do appreciate him. he goes around saying tt 71 is a very nice class to all the other teachers.... he isn't tt bothered abt how smart we are, but how good a class we are together.... tt's wad i tink makes a great teacher... tink i'll still need some time to absorb this reality. reality's really harsh. let's jus hope that he'll get to teach another class that he enjoys teaching.... =( i believe him when he sort of says he'll remember us...


~~~

i was an angel in the graduation ceremony performance for my kindergarden days. was so proud to be selected to act as an angel instead of wearing some flower costume that u haf to stick ur head out of.... admired the light pink dress.... n there was a halo too... best of all i had my own wand. made to dressed like an angel. but one day, this angel used her wand to fight with another little boy who was a male angel.... it was all out of mischief....the wand broke. i din cry...but was scared... got told off by her teacher for being a troublemaker
tt's y i say this girl's no angel
i hope she at least can stay as a human

my oh-so exciting adventure -__-'''

hahahha.... it's not an adventure at all... jus a stoopid trip to toa payoh n bishan.... went toa payoh searchin for the shop that we bot jaime's bracelet in.... along all the rows of shops... i tot i was goin to get lost...=/ maybe i dun haf a good sense of direction after all.... heh (after all the topo map stuff in guides) luckily it had finally stopped raining so it was quite a nice walk.... peeping into every shop n not buying any thing..whoops realise that when i'm alone... i think my thoughts aloud... okie maybe not aloud but in my mind... n i realise tt actually i was toking to myself in purely english... was kinda surprised... tot i used to tok canto more to myself...

anw i found the shop.... (fortunately) or else wld haf been a wasted trip coz I cldn't find the stoopid big blue pw file in the popular there!!! tho the popular there was veryvery big..... made me so gek coz every other colour was there except bluee... wonder how many pw grps out there oso searchin for the same file? circling around the whole section of files, peering down tables n shelves to make sure tt i din miss out any parts and askin the salegirl twice if there'll be any more stock.. sound like an ah-soh...bleh. debated with myself whether to make a trip down to bishan... den board the mrt to bishan again.... ahhh!!... yay~~ finally found it in one little corner of the J8 popular!!! there was only 1 blue one... quickly snatched it away b4 anyone else comes... hahhaa.... sound so kiasu....but really din imagine that it'll be so hard to buy a file... -__-''' anw i felt a sense of achievement.... wad a long boring pw story....(wah... u jus survived listening to me crap for 2 whole para.... cheers =))

y am i so crappy today?

how to describe it?
i feel a sense of guilt... though we had never been close in the 1st place. maybe i shld haf given some words of encouragement... but i din, and later i din think much about it. haiz. too occupied with myself tt's y. either i'll be too busy body or too ignorant...need some soul-searching really. meanwhile... good to hear to tt u r doin fine now

i feel so weird
so lousy

heh... din complete the past entry... n din bother to continue whoops.... i wanted to rite sumthin like... after that we watched uptown gals... (not a bad movie..;) n accidentally managed to catch a few glimpses of S.H.E upfront ... they were goin down the escalator, we just so happened to walk by... so lucky leh.... selina looks the same only saw hebe's hair.... n they two were whispering to each other... hahaha... well things always happen when u least expect them

took a liking towards Pudding (daph's lovebird.... its colours r beautiful)... although it flapped past my ears a few times (the sound of it's wings almost deafening me each time), perched on top of my shoulders twice (it felt really itchy) and started nibbling my ear, and landed on top of my HEAD once.... so nottie... i couldn't even see it.. but it's really very cute... n very clean too.. no farnie smell around him... whoops me n wanjun sort of concluded that he's a male....i asked daph that is there any way of checking n she gave me that LOOK... hahha wasn't thinking of anything funny wad....=p then daph was so evil... she knew that PUdding doesn't like the sound of guitars... but she purposely play in frnt of his face.... poor PUDDing got so flustered n frightened... started circling the room n refused to come down the stairs... no matter how wanjun tried to 'comfort' him... me tot it was hilarious... hahha....like daph tryin to propose to it... ah... if it's a female, maybe it'll like the sound of guitars... aha....

went swimming this morn.... kind of fun... :) n felt so refreshed after it.... tho my face sunburnt again tho i was quite sure that the sunblock the doc gave me was spf (aiya wadever the rating's called) 65... which is already quite high.... n there's no aloe vera at home... i feel like i'm being burnt alive...

goin daph's hse for pw soon.... ahh.... quite a long journey... heh... but there's wanjun to accompany me.. yay :)
realised that i din tok abt my grades much in my blog... hmm mostly me here complaining abt other things... oh well... results r ok... better than wad i expected i tink... math's still my worse sub always cant get pass an E... boo =/

okie...wad did i do yesterday?.... ohh dismissed after bio lect... so we went citylink + marina square to walk walk... n i finished a big bowl of ice kachang... my appeitite's getting smaller and smaller as the days go by... duno if it's a good thing? unless the temptation's really great, i guess it's not really too difficult to control ur own diet rite? heh heh.... as usual i lost once in zhong zii mi ma.... haha..

||||||||


felt like a total fool


||||||||

mdm toh said, life's full of hurdles.... but y r the hurdles so hard to jump over this time? why dun they just let some of us off.... instead of letting us bang so hard onto them... it hurts so much that we just feel like lying there, never wanting to ever get up again? we must we must face up to this challenge.... never lose hope.... let us discover that we are, after all, as capable as we r made out to be...

had a ahour plus of sleep....stoopid eye abit swollen... it's that left eye again.. wish i can wear contacts now *sulking... argh... that's not the impt thing yet, now i must to figure out how to bluff my way thru pw tmr.... coz i haven prepared anythin yet... n i'm scared. my pw grp members dun seem to be worried much... .maybe coz it's only the 1st rehearsal... but me? cant stand it.... i'm so nervous.

in the rain...
could walk on like this forever..
this is no copy of the song below
but really
if we want to
we can always walk to the end
if there's an end

contradictions in life...
is it better to show ur pain or to smile in pain
is it better to luv others more than urself
is it better to say it all out
or jus hide everything forever inside
is it better to wish for happiness or to hope for peace...

rite now i'm practising both at the same time
so dumb
i should haf known that nothing can work this way
killing two birds with one stone just doesn't make sense

Hey, do you remember? The two of us met
Time goes by... it's the same scent as the seasons
You're just like a light
You're my jewel... You started to smile at me...

In the times we joked together, we also quarreled
I don't understand what love may be.


Yes, do you remember? You finally noticed me
Jewel in my heart... This feeling when I'm facing you...


If you gaze at me, it doesn't matter how, I can probably express
I want to know those smiles, no matter how many
If I lose my way, if I'm bound, I'll overcome those times... Dreams come true
Every single day, you're an eternal glimmer


No, I can't forget you...there is no substitute
Dear my jewel, friends are like family


Dropping in on a cold morning, my white breath
believes in the thoughts I express


So, I can't forget you, it's a bit mysterious
Jewel in love...love is flowing


The unknown amount of time seems to wrap the two of us
Carrying an unlimited number of events
The gentle spring, dazzling summer, lonely autumn...winter, too
You who make me a promise, I'll sleep by your side


If you gaze at me, it doesn't matter how, I can probably express
I want to know those smiles, no matter how many
If I lose my way, if I'm bound, I'll overcome those times... Dreams come true
Every single day, you're an eternal glimmer

FOREVER JEWEL IN MY Heart


~getting nostalgic.... used to like this alot --- BoA's "jewel song"

Watching the stars till they're gone

Like an actor all alone

Who never knew the story he was in

Who never knew the story ends

Like the sky reflecting my heart

All the colors become visible

When the morning begins

I'll read the last line

.


In the endless rain I've been walking

Like a poet feeling pain

Trying to find the answers

Trying to hide the tears

But it was just a circle

That never ends

When the rain stops, I'll turn the page

The page of the first chapter

.


Am I wrong to be hurt

Am I wrong to feel pain

Am I wrong to be in the rain

Am I wrong to wish the night won't end

Am I wrong to cry

But I know, It's not wrong to sing the last song

Cause forever fades

.

I see red

I see blue

But the silver lining gradually takes over

When the morning comes

I'll be in the next chapter



Endless rain . embraced me . night approaches morning

My heart is not yet soaked

.


If I wake up again . alone I'll gaze at the night sky

Little by little they'll fade away . Our Memories

I'm only hurt . hurt me . the answer I should have understood,

Why am I still . asking the question



~juz came across this.... quite nice... i couldn't haf written sumthin half as good as this.. it's X-japan... j-rock that i dun even listen to... whoops sorry see jia)

You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla

fine.... i din keep my promise. it's 10 n i'm already back home. =_=

it really hurts to see pple (esp. those close to you) getting so unhappie... i duno how to comfort pple... so usually the only good thing i do is to remain by their side. so din go to NJ open hse in the end. dun be mistaken, it's not like i did well in math. in fact.... i was really disappointed i guess.... though i did pass overall. haiz sound so selfish here... but i guess everyone's got their own expectations rite? even if u get a B, u wun be happie if the rest of the class get like A. and i actually tot that it wasn't that difficult.... but i din bother to look thru the script. will make me feel worse i tink. y are they doin this to us? we did make the effort to study harder.... after all these disappointments, I'm surprised i still luv math...weird. even after i screwed up my A.maths last yr (u ask me y? coz it was the last day of Os n i juz din feel like studying... sort of serve me rite) ... again again and again.... din dare to say much abt it tho... I'll be so mean to the others if i do that.

in the end wad are we doin these all for? like the promos will really help us in the future, like A levels really matter after u get into uni. all these things we r setting our goals on... are they really impt? i dun believe in all those "set targets for ur results at the beginning of the year" stuff.. like really got use loh. I'm glad that my dad din ask me much abt it... i guess one look at my stoopid face can tell everything... haiz. y r they making all of us so unhappie? really hope that we'll all get promoted... keep wishing n keep praying.... i dun tink i can accept it if.... pls dun....pple tried so hard... y cant u jus reward them with wad they deserved? den again... the A1s we were aiming so hard for are now juz a thing of the past....
it's like money... wad's the use in the end?

so near.. yet so far

finally finished the last few lit reviews... haf enuf of them ... so tmr i'll be left with ppt slides n some source evaluation.... haiz still quite alot hoh? tmr morn getting back maths... urghz... lousy subject.. den if i still got mood i might go for nj open hse... heh... no lah... tink i'll go no matter wad....

so hols to Hk confirmed liao... 7-17 Dec... so long lehz... honestly i juz wan to remain in singapore... occasionally go out with frens and rot around in some corner. den my hols will be so nice... was thinking like next yr's prob goin to be a real stressful and boring yr.... jun hols will be gone studying.. -__-''' wad will i do in HK? it's winter.... so cold (i got flu everytime i go back during winter) brrr... plus i dun haf enuf winter clothes. later dressed until duno wad. n there'll be nothin much to shop for... i'llbe wasting money if i buy too many winter clothes anw... everyone on the streets will be wearing dark coloured clothes anw. n i dun haf any frens there... my kindergarden frens long lost touch already... n even if i haf their addresses somewhere... it'll be very strange to juz go visit them out of the blue rite? maybe i can go out with my bro n his frens... but the thing is, i duno them at all (most of them his pri.sch and childhood frens).... given my personality, i'm not good at tokin with strangers at all... bro says can always sing karaoke.. (he says quite cheap =/) but i oso duno many canto songs wad.... juz feel that i'll be so sian in HK that I'll be affecting my family's mood.. (i'll try to put on a happie face)... n i haf very few cousins... the very few i haf r either grown up or overseas....


feelin so pessimistic... so unlike myself. i cant blame my family for missing HK so much.... they all grew up there....for me, i only haf happie kindergarden memories.... of coz i do miss HK... but not so much. To me, it's a second home.... to my bro for example it's his 1st and only home.... he never really got over the reason why we migrated 11 yrs ago... mum used to tell me how my bro had SLEEPwalked the day before we departed for singapore last time... said that he gave her a scare. guess that it was hard for him to accept the fact that he's leaving all his childhood frens behind for a foreign place where he had to learn a totally different lang... he always say that he may migrate back to HK in the future if he got the chance to.... but i noe i wun. I grew up in singapore... and i noe i'll be happier if i stay here.

I wun noe wad to do if there comes a day that my family suddenly decides to go back to Hk.. i duno. it sounds quite impossible at the moment... but this thought struck me in feb... when we were sending Melinda off to Australia.... i hate partings...really. i dun wan to live apart from my family...even after i get married (okie fine... i assume i will....=/) haiz.... sometimes i feel kind of insecure... that wad i'm thinkin is different from the rest of my family.

It's natural
THat's why i'm worried.

so different,
yet so beautiful

open hse today.... eh wad did i do? came sch early... sort of help to set up booth... tho there wasn't much to put up... aiyo...den tried to help qr deco sv stickers... but found out that i haf no artistic talent so gave up liaoz... still duno how to string a guitar anw. basically stoning n loitering around in the morn. oh ya my mum accompanied her fren to tour around the sch... den i acted as some lousy tour guide.. had to translate wad janice n chyl uei were sayin in the library... felt quite sian the whole day coz the crowd wasn't very big n i saw none of my juniors... missed the 1st mass dance, danced abit of the 2nd one n watched the 3rd one. was thinkin that maybe after this time there wun be chances to dance anymore so found it quite a pity... but nvm... so weird juz joining the pple dancing alone mah. den later went to play badminton n tt with soph zz shuwen eefung xn cuiqin... still no affinity with racket games... ah resigned to fate

hmm got this farnie feeling... wad do u do if u sense that someone doesn't like u? okie... u can do nothin rite? i rem last time in sec sch... i felt that my class mate din like me much... duno y. some yrs later we got to sit next to each other... heh.den we got along quite well now a fren of mine. den some time ago she suddenly told me that she din used to like me much...(she never say y) was quite surprised that my intuition had been rite all along.... hai how come i'm having this kind of feeling again? i noe i cant please pple all the time... but it's kind of sad. i really duno y leh. wonder wad kind of impression i'm giving pple....

on the bus back home... there was this weird man giving me this look.... n sat next to me... with loud music blaring from his headphones... felt quite uncomfortable luckily next busstop is my stop already. got once there was this man.... he went halfway up the staircase n stayed there smilin to himself... strange... the bus wasn't crowded at all loh.... den he din realise he was blockin the pple tryin to go up the stairs...n i sat facing him somemore... quite scary to haf a grinnin person in frnt of u... how come bus got so many weird pple one har....

crappin again... haiz... y am i sayin all these anw? okie....feelin sleepy.. shall go sleep... nitez

haiyo.... gtg to do pw soon.... boo. tryin to blog quickly =/
tmr's open hse....nothin much to do except performances... that i'm quite sure will only serve as background music for the whole event... hehz... okie at least we r playin unchained melody... which i learnt only on today....sort of last minute.... ehz... n my mum says she wanna come for open hse... hahhaa.... she get so excited oso duno for wad....even more excited than me last yr.... dun even noe when shld I go sch tmr... wanna help do sumthin but den again there isn't much to put up.... ahh hope they wan to put up banners... coz i enjoy doin those kind of work.... =P btw my pearls record's really bad... sad.... how can they put membership as "-".... juz a dash. very farnie lohz.... y dun they put this
face -_-''' instead... at least it'll make me laf. okie i noe this is lame.

wanjun's not online yet.... still waitin patiently for her to come online... or else how to continue on the biblio? speakin of pw... i'm kind of nervous... hai no use complaining.... but wish that this week wun pass so fast.... kk... go do work now.. no more slacking already!!! or else cant forgive myself :) maybe i'll haf more to say tmr... I cant make things happen, i always wait for them to come.... tt's bad rite?

## keep on smiling,
bring joy to my life
add life to mine ##

oh ya i forgot to wish jaime happie birthday.... whoops... happie bday!!! wish ya happiness.....
qr got ur present too.... that was the surprise i was tokin abt.... -__-''' n u din even suspect anything.... no fun one.. hehe
n ya it's xinyi's bdae too on thurs.... :)

later gtg dentist there.... better finish my pw fast den.... urghz... meetin huimin too....

~
The times we share, though few,
are precious moments
beautiful memories
wrapped around the hearf with love
~

how come my posts dun appear till abt 2 days later one hah....nvm...at least they'll appear some day... =/

FOS came and went... just like that. guess everyone's kind of disappointed with the results on mon... but actually it wasn't that bad rite? won a few sets here n there rite? like in badminton n tablet-tennis... yay~ someday i'll go play badminton n bball with ps.. good exercise eh? but come to think of it... tink i'm jus born lousy in racket games... anyhow hit one. n never had much interest in them i tink... prefer team games tho.... but hoh. some pple jus dun haf sportsmanship one... like for example, in volleyball how can guys always aim at the only gal in the opposing team? wad the loh... how wld they feel if it's the other way roound? all wrong... shall not mention any names here, u all shld noe wad i'm tokin abt... I can see the whole picture standing at the sides. soccer's juz rough... hahahhaa... that's y it's so fun i tink!!!... i tend to like these kind of games... really loh if i'm playing with all gals rite.... i'll surely elbow n push pple all the time one... (tho not on purpose of coz... but that's wad the game's about rite?) really interesting to watch leh... so jing cai... pple petting each other on the back and putting a hand over each other's shoulders.... haha... i rem i used to enjoy the fifa fairplay (duno if i'm correct anotz) segment in world cup... it's not that hard to understand y pple love soccer so much... hehz... *suddenly got the urge to watch soccer... but no scv.... netball was juz unlucky i guess.... opponents quite strong and response oso very fast.... maybe they did practise alot b4 the match?

aiya... over liao... not really that exciting...so it's okie.... losing wasn't the best part but winning may not be too... wad i tokin.... yahh. these few days everyone so tired... still burnt out after exams perhaps... nvm...at least these two days r surely goin to be better than the following week... *shudders

fall asleep thinking of happie things.... dream of happie things... n hopefully these happie moments will come into ur life again soon....=D

okiee.... now i'm having ct hehhehh.. duno wad to rite oso... juz very happie to be back in sch.... :) tryin to send sumthin to qr...
later goin out for dinner with ili n qr... yay~

thanks to my thank you speeech.... i forgot sumthin that i MUZ complain abt....

can pple who think that i'm always acting blur pls open up their eyes big big? as if i wan to be born so muddle-headed n absent-minded... my mum says last time when i was learning how to walk my bro used to tempt me to chase him around in my walking chair.... n almost everytime i try to round a corner in a "fast" speed... my walking chair will turn upside down and i'll be hanging upside down with my legs hanging in the air, head on the floor. she said she was quite fearful that I'll either be seriously hurt or become slightly retarded coz everytime i'll be crying hard it muz haf hurt alot. okie fine it's a stoopid way to attribute my slowness to, but wadever it is, i'm not pretending n i see no use to do that... pple juz think that u r either incapable or shallow...

whew... finally got it all out... since blogs can be so easily accessed.. i tot this mite be the best way to express myself... boo

pw pw pw pw pw pw pw

yesh.. today's pw day... for the 1st time we proved to be quite unproductive... n we slacked quite alotz... is it bcoz we got no mood to do pw now that promos r over? (does that make sense anw ^_- )booing. so after shawn left, me and the rest of the pw gang juz sat down n tok... I really wonder if it's true that gals tend to lose out more in friendships n relationships... gals get hurt easily and usually u can say that it's probably bcoz of very very little things. hmm. if you ask me, the hopelessly dreamy me, i cant let go of anything easily. it's not that i dun try, but it doesn't seem to work.

n abt frens... is it really enough to haf only a few close ones? Gaining from experiences, we sort of concluded that sometimes we try too hard to make frens. pershaps jus too hard. that we r so badly affected when disappointment hits us. we do expect alot from others, expect other pple to see things the way we wan it. but sadly we r not mind-readers... often the message juz doen't get across. n it's really not easy to maintain close friendships.... u need alot alot alot of effort on both parties... juz like the time i read frm the junejune.net webbie... u dun need to work hard to fall in luv, but to keep the luv goin.... u need to put in all ur effort....


frens are compared to many many things, they r our angels, our stars, our rays of sunshine, our guiding light, our gems, our diamonds, our harbours, our goals in life. to me, they r juz my everythin. thanks so much... *sniff* getting emotional

getting bored at home... decided i must get out of the hse in the afternoon... hee. i'm the kind of person who luvs sch (with no exams of coz)... hhahha... had a fun day on wed with the class... sometimes i wish these days will go on forever...



juz now went shopping for presents again ^_^ was kind of mesmerised by the precious moments figurines on display... it's weird coz i dun remember myself admiring them b4... in the past everytime i walked past, i'll be thinking like "collecting all these is a waste of money rite?" u look at the price... u'll be horrified... willing to pay like $50 for a small BREAKable doll? hmm... i still wun bear to spend $$ on them now... but now sort of understand why some pple take such a liking to these kind of collectibles... there was a farnie guy on tv a week ago... he says pple tink he's bian tai coz he's already middle-aged but single.. and all he does for a living to design and make barbie dolls... guess he sees so much perfection in his dolls that he has lost interest in the opp. sex? i duno.... but he seems quite happie with his life...

anw back to the precious moments stuff... hee. got one... i tink it's for wedding anniversary one... really very very very beautiful.... but the price even more beautiful..... $899!!! no wonder they lock it up... it's worth quite alot huh? tink arnd a mth ago... my bro was askin me y do gals like precious moments dolls so much... very nice meh? he din see the reason why... and i too, couldn't figure it out at that time... so i jus gave him a v.vague answer :"aiya girls like these kind of things one lah" heh actually i din noe how to ans...

never spent winter with snow b4... except i touched some snow on Mt. Fuji a few years ago -__-''' so little loh...it jus didn't snow in Tokyo that day... was quite disappointed..boo. last time on tv (heh how come i sound like i watch alot of tv? i dun leh!) i saw this really very very nice snow globe... not the kind with the goofy snowman inside with snowflakes falling all over him... duno lah... on the screen it juz looked very MAgical... the figurines inside i tot were from precious moments... but after searchin a few times online for this particular snow globe unsuccessfully... haiz... sort of concluded that either it doesn't exist or it's some limited edition...boo.

maybe it's better to wish for things that cant possibly come true..

concentrate... only 3 more days to go!!! argh these few days i've been adding items to my wad-to-do-after-promos-list in my brain... it's getting so long next time i'll haf a hard time remembering it =/ hate the last few days of exams coz i always tend to drift off...found myself staring on the same page for 1/2 hour w/o absorbing anything...
so jiayou!!!

my family's planning to go back to HK in the hols... i'm kind of confused y i'm not looking forward to it... maybe it's the prob of finding enough winter clothes... kk more on this later... gtg liaooo

wow a week has passed.. juz like that.. well somehow i feel thankful that promos, unlike exams in the past, only last for 1 week.... i haf enough of its torture =/ not that exams haf finished... me juz using checking mail as excuse to come here tok abitz... i cant study alone at home... meaning that i need my mum to be at home wif me... hhahaa sound so childish... of coz i still study alone, but it's nice to know that somebody's near u all the time, ready to listen to ur complaints and offer u chicken essence, vit c, all kinds of snacks (argh... i'm starting to blame her for making me fat.... seriously need some exercise.. hahhaa) duno y... sometimes i thought thati'll be better doin things alone, at least i concentrate or sumthin. but everytime i try to sort of force myself to ostracise myself... i feel so lonely. never like to go home alone, never like to take bus alone, never like to feel alone. at this age... tink we need lots of care n concern n company...=)

i cant really study in groups... tend to talk alot.. 2 pple will be just nice i guess... maybe i shld learn to study together wif frens... den i wun go crazy tryin to figure out some stooopid math qn..

ya maths... urgh... actually i tot it wasn't as bad as the blk test one... duno if i'm rite anotz... but math's surely one of my weakest subject... want to borrow my bro's brain for a while. maths exams make u feel so sleepy, tt's y i went straight to sleep after lunch... nobody was at home... so din feel like studying...aha... but regretted my decision coz i slept for more than 2 hrs i tink...which also explains y my stomach din feel quite rite... coz lunch haven even digest yet... was quite horrified... ah i always use that word now

n i'm so used to listening to radio when i'm studying now.... but sometimes i wish they can play some nicer songs... hehe
gtg to bathe now... hee always can find some hidden treasure in parts of forwarded mail which do not relaly belong to the original msg... like this one below:



Two souls with but a single thought,
two hearts that beat as one..
You are a part of me...
a part that I could never live without..
And I hope that I never have to.
If I know what love is,
it is because of you.
I love you, not because you are perfect,
But because you are so perfect for me..

best wishes to everyone for promos..... keep on goin!!!

happened to come across this while trying to do some studyin online... kind of interesting huh?
do research on this some more...

during an average lifetime, the heart will beat a maximum of 2.5 million times... UW-Madison cardiovascular physiologist Richard Moss. Does that mean that falling in love — an activity that increases the rate at which the heart beats — could shorten your life?

Only if it's unrequited, jokes Moss during his annual Valentine's Day lecture to first-year medical students.

"When people fall in love," he explains, "their heart rate increases. Sometimes their hearts even skip a beat." Even then the math suggests that the heart in love would tick faster, using up its lifetime of beats more quickly.

But, as Moss points out, the symptoms of falling in love are different than those of actually being in love.

"Being in love has a calming effect. After people fall in love and are in love, their resting heart rates tend to be much lower," he says. Plus, studies show that couples involved in lasting, loving relationships live longer than those who aren't.

As for heart health, Moss says, "it's much better to fall in love and stay in love than to never fall in love at all." But, he does mention that the most dangerous type of love is unrequited: "These people keep falling in love but don't experience the long-term benefits of being in love."

For evidence about love's benefits, Moss turns to animals that seem especially well designed for amour (for the purpose of procreation). The oyster toadfish, for example, has a sonic muscle that vibrates nearly 200 times per second. This rapid vibration, Moss says, produces an alluring song that attracts mates.

Unlike the oyster toadfish, which spends its life on the ocean floor and has the time to attract a mate, many people are too busy for heart-racing romance. For these people, Moss recommends chocolate — a treat, he says, that can produce some of the same symptoms as falling for someone. Every year during the lecture, he offers chocolate hearts to his students, many of whom admit they have time only to study.



sort of pon sch today... yesterday when i reached home at nite was already so tired...duno y oso... i guess everyone's tired...forced myself to stay up to study bio... haiz.. when can i really concentrate totally on mugging... *tryin to remove all kinds of distractions from my room... but cant bear to

~maybe it's time to pack up and go...
to a different world
where i can still discover the best in me

hmm... these few days took so much pains and effort just for the surprise... heh... hope u'll be very happie when you received it!! made me tell some white lies... which is bad... never like to lie and cant lie well too (hahha... i tink the 2nd one's the main reason.. whoops)

one more week, n 2 more weeks to freedom (though not really, there's alwiz some post-promos programmes.. some of which contain the scary words 'pw' in them... urgh) like sch alot, dun mind tutorials, but always hated exams... hopefully i wun go into a panicky state on the last nite... pple arnd me r falling sick... amm when r u goin to get well? u muz not worry so much k? haf faith in urself!! luckily got news that my uncle's operation went well... n his condition seems to be improving quickly... the only worry is that they most probably wun haf things like bird's nest and abalone to help strengthen his health status.... wonder if the country allows us to mail them over? hahha... but no... surely will get stolen on the way there...

like the way pple put in alot of effort in things that they claim not to be very good at..... though the way of expression is so different... can still see the sincerity behind it... one of the things that makes my heart smile... heheh

a beautiful flaw

a beautiful flaw... yah.... we were tokin abt that during maths makeup today..hmm. well we meant dimples of coz. like peishan, (though not as crazy as her... haha) i luv dimples alot...heh heh they look so cute on children... haha.... n oso some adults too... hee. i haf one, but it does not come out often.. unless i really haf to open my mth big big to see it... not nice one. tink it's quite amazing to see something beautiful out of a supposedly bad thing rite? cant really tink of any good examples but ...yeah perhaps i shld find one good thing to be happie about every day, even on the worst days... it can be anything ...* trying hard to convince myself that something good will eventually come out of these two years*but really
some little things in life....hmm. .do brighten up my day alot... though sometimes i wish that they arent so small and that they'll last longer... but guess we cant ask for more than what we deserved?

now it's 5 am in Venezuela... in another few hours time my uncle'll be having his operation... i really really really hope that it'll be a success.... my cousin sounded so scared in her email...n though her bro sounded more calm... i really feel worried for them. life's in Venezuela has never been easy i heard... strikes and calls for the president to step down.... suddenly i feel that living in Singapore, despite all the stoopid competition and stress, is much better after all. at least we dun haf pple looting stores and trying to organise strikes .... that was y i suddenly started to pray in the middle of a tutorial... the mr lee and the other female teacher must haf thought that i was either sleeping or goin nuts...



what's meant to be urs... will be urs in the end.

I never like it when pple check my phone's inbox w/o my permission
it's getting like a 'regular' checkup
to prove that i got absolutely nothing to hide
i jokingly say check loh, there's nothing suspicious in there
but even den, y do i feel this kind of suppressed anger in me
not at her
but at y i'm allowing all these to affect me
I'm tired of having to explain myself
over and over again
hoping that i wun accidentally hurt anyone
gals, after all, can get jealous very easily
i guess i understand that feeling
i myself am sometimes guilty of that
I'm tired of making myself disappear
whenever I feel that I'm at the wrong place
with the wrong pple
tired of not talking to some pple at times
so that i wun make pple misunderstand
tired of thinking of others' feelings
tired of tryin to make things back to how innocent they were
tired of giving excuses for myself
tired of assuring pple that i'm perfectly fine today
tired of making the effort to laugh
tired of thinking that friendship,
which i'm hoping for, is still possible
tired of catchin unhappy looks
tired of showing that i din wan anything like that
tired of thinking of how to go back to the cheerful self i was
tired of feeling frustrated
tired of loving others more than myself
tired of daydreaming
tired of telling myself to concentrate
tired of thinking.. "wad if..."
tired of being not not nice

ok.. i'm tired of listing down... it'll never end i guess. i feel lost... really do. tink it's natural. anw... to all out there... jiayou for promos... this is really a lousy period for all of us.. if u need me for anything, i'll be there i hope. wish that i've saved the wish i made during MAF at the chi society pool for everyone... but no, i wished for the same thing as my bdae wish... prob wun even come true. so i shldn't haf wasted that wish on it rite? stoopid. i'm counting on that little candle...

rite now i'm eating sausages...yummy so hungry lohz although i made sure i ate alot during break...maybe next time i'll jia fan...dun give me horrified looks... coz it seems impossible for me to get fat at the time being.... aha at least there's one thing i'm satisfied abt myself...yesh oops juz now mum juz said sumthin like "off to msn again" when she saw me walk into my bro's room..me quite determined not to chat so long online liaoz.... time flies when i'm online i guess.... waiting anxiously for weekends to come...

had been to some of my frens' blogs... really some of them sound really depressed... mostly abt secretly liking somebody...realised that what they need is some security and assurance that all is not in vain... that life is worth goin on after all...though it's so sadly true that the amt that u give in is usually much more than wad u get back in the end... haiz. shld be content when u can still give people something rite? of coz... fren's support and comfort is veryvery impt.... shiyun's so right... we all need time to get back to our frens... when u haf new ones dun forget the old ones....n like everyone else, i hate betrayal... so i guess i never will betray a fren. the hurt caused may never be forgotten

ok enuf of my usual crapping... wonder y i can always drift frm one topic to another... n told myself to allow myself only like 15 mins online... see wad happened? ahhh.... discpline discpline!!! i tink i can become lobster no.2 liao... skin is getting red and crumpled n peeling...eee

help... i'm peeling...wee ...painful

ee fung din come to sch today... my poor daughter.... i'll really kill every mosquito i see next time...grrr... hope to see her tmr...


"they're both convinced that a sudden passion joined them. such certainty is beautiful, but uncertainty is more beautiful still"

"yuan2 fen4 shi1 dang1 shuang1 fang1 dou1 bi2 ci3 xiang1 ai1,
dan4 ru2 guo3 zhi3 shi1 qi2 zhong1 yi1 fang1 zai4 dan1 lian4
jiu4 suan4 shi4 yu4 jian1 duo1 shao3 ci4
dou1 bu4 neng2 suan4 shi4 yuan2 fen4"

really wonder how true is that, after all time can erase unhappy memories, but so can it create chances
as the sayin goes... "re3 jiu3 sheng1 qing2" ... kind of sad isn't it? *scratches head

as i told shuwen... i'm in a singing mood today....lalaalala...

these few days my bro has been sick at home... so everynite cant come online to chat at all... or else surely wake him up one (given that i alwiz laf crazily in frnt of the com)... tried to concentrate on studying... but really my progress's really slow... to think that i actually rote a sort-of-a-timetable to motivate myself... but of coz it din work n i'm far frm all those targets... trying hard not to make myself so worried *sighz. enuf abt mugging

speaking of singing.....my bro was attempting to sing "yi fu zhi ming" together with jay last nite.... hilarious leh!!!! 1st thing was, the rap parts are not easy to learn at all... at some points i tot he sounded like the director in the vcd... =/ n then the opera parts rite.... were so high so haunting lehz... (n it was like near to 12 midnight) there's this part in the intro where there's a "ah".... my bro tried to imitate that too.... but i was laughing like crazy coz he came in at the wrong part sounded like an echo instead

he said that once he 'masters'
the song, he'll go sing during karaoke... (i pity his frens) his singing is actually not bad.... but ahem....shall not say anymore later i get into trouble... hahhaha... den he oso tried to learn qing tian (which was pretty easy) n ni ting de dao...

but on wed he was like so sick lohz.... quite cham lah... keep vomiting and got fever... hehz felt like a responsible nurse when i woke him up at 1 ... went around the hse searching for some biscuits for him to eat b4 his medicine... i like taking care of pple i guess... was quite happie when he seemed quite grateful to me the next day.... hahhaa...

later goin for pw n maf.... =)

I know pirates of carribean wld haf been a better show...at least more worth the $7.50
like wad many pple told me...
but of coz i followed my heart
so ended up watching turn left turn right...
din do me any good
except that i left the cinema feeling more dreamy than ever *haiz

it was such a simple story... short and sweet so u cant expect much from the plot. they added some really lame parts to make the story more realistic i tink.... like the chen2 zi1 cai2 rite... his character is some scary doctor who likes gigi leung and goes around "surprising" (scaring is more like it) her with flowers and also bathing in her house... urghz. there was this part i tot was really sick was when he started flexing his muscles in front of her...!?!? quite er-xin lehz.... the farnie thing was later me and huimin were flipping through some magazines at a newspaper stand... den we saw this pic of him doin that on the front page.... the headline was some thing like "naked man proposes to gigi leung"....make him sound like some crazy fan lohz... what's more it wasn't a local mag so the readers may really misunderstand the whole thing.... abit worried for him.... his reputation gone down the drain liao.... hahhaa... but on the whole though the lame parts were quite farnie... some of them were quite redundant , like the focus shifted to him and the other gal instead of the main characters....

but still luv the whole story... i noe fully well that something that romantic isn't goin to happen in real life.... there was this scene when they show secretly taken photos of gigi leung... it was like the jin cheng wu (sorry i cant rem his real japanese name... takeshi sumthing?) was always seem tp be standing only a few metres away frm her.... when she's on the bridge, he'll be under the bridge... they stood facing two diff sides in the same train carriage, they tok to the same dog and played with the same baby.... an earthquake reunited them once again in the end...hmm .... y an earthquake?

eternity,
is just but the distance two hearts are willing to wait patiently for...

yah... forgot to mention this...
woon teng taught me the intro guitar tabs to qing tian... yay~
if only i can figure out the chords after that...wad kind of weird chords are those.....doesn't make sense
n piano scores found online like hei1 se4 you1 mo4, an1 jing4 haf some farnie change of keys here and there... added them to my sad songs collection... shld try memorising them so at least i can play at least one nice song on the piano w/o looking at any score.... how lousy can i get?

it's been a long time isn't it? i miss coming online

this weekend, as i had said, was a PW marathon for our group.... me seldom worked so hard and for such long hours.... it was like both days 6plus wake up, reach home at near 11 pm... frm national library to wanjun's hse, frm daphne' hse to national library and back...wah... touring around s'pore lohz... n i think my group progressed quite fast.... though we still haf like more lit.reviews to do n interviewing the MAS pple on fri rite after econ lesson.... me feelin quite satisfied...aha....

i noe forgetting troubles and problems by immersing myself in work is juz to avoid thinking of them but it works for me. no more time alone on bus journeys to let my mind wander too much coz was always with shawn, wj n daph... never rem laughing so heartily for a long time felt that i was genuinely happie to be toking to them... anw shawn always has very interesting things to say...n he always give the same remark :"that's very interesting..." of coz the topics often centre on his gf.... heh heh... n of coz tchs. daphne will always be teasing wanjun..... laughing her 'evil muahahahha" at wanjun's farnie embarassed-looks....

shawn did mentioned that he had been wanting to send a mail to the whole class... which he did on sat nite.... i guess we all miss our 1st 3 mths.... many memorable things did happen... left beautiful memories in my mind... a few mths.... back in april i rem myself feeling quite weird with the class... kept telling myself that i cant dwell on the past too much. anw our new classmates shld be the ones feeling awkward... but it all worked out in the end i tink... there are more and more secrets among pple... n sometimes we purposely do some things to give in particular some pple chances. =/ the more we become less open with each other.... that's when the problem starts...
it seems like we haf matured in some ways... but sometimes growing up is painful.. or maybe it's only me...

mon I went to the doc... wad a waste of $$$ but it's better than leaving permanent scars rite? doctors are really confident pple... to the extent that they become abit too stubborn... on tues.. slacked abit at home... den of coz ammz came over.... hahhaa... had alot of fun... had to close door or else my mum can never haf her afternoon nap in peace.... (ya we were that noisy =)) found myself telling her about all the events that happened in 71... in the end we finished quite little hw.. haiyo.... but at least i understand the maclaurin's thingy liao.... anw it isn't the most impt thing to come out of that day...

at nite went out to celebrate my dad's bdae.... aiyo.... i never noe wad to get for his bdae.... the cup that I decorated looked so chilidish and silly thanks to my wonderful artwork

this hols...
like time's healing powers, perhaps can put my mind back at ease

~actions do speak louder than words~
he had hurt her badly, leaving her feeling useless and indignant...
but a word of comfort, a simple hug
can do wonders
i stepped out of the house quietly smiling
for the 2nd time in the week
my eyes became misty
but this time its bcoz
i'm touched....

sort of rushed home today to call the MAS person... luckily got him after phoning two times... i never like leaving msgs on the answering machine... do these pple ever check their msgs? ah... anw there's some more hope for our pw... now that shawn's back i feel a sense of direction again... yay. n hope that we'll haf a successful interview with the MAS... probably next week... n this whole weekend'll be dedicated to guitar cip n dear pw. mdm toh was acting all mysterious during reading period... kept saying there's a rabbit hidden under her newspapers -___-''' used her magic to make those (wad-do-u-call-that) "precious stones" appear... me picked a very small one... purple... not bad. really like her alotz..feel as if i'm being loved and cared for by another mother...


having a headache now... coz i din sleep early enough last nite....boo. last nite my aunt called frm HK... saying that my uncle in venezuela has to go for an urgent heart operation today.... really hope that he'll be fine... duno much abt the details yet.... I havent seen him before.... coz he and his family has already migrated to venezuela the time when i was born. still there's this icky feeling that keeps bothering me... my cousins (whom i oso haven seen before but haf been making contact with via email recently) must be really worried. so i silently said a prayer (hmm.. .but i'm not a christian or catholic) b4 i went to bed last nite... hope that everything will turn out fine...

this has been a really lousy week n I duno wad to do abt it. dun wan to affect others but guess its pretty obvious to qr they all.... argh... haf to explain that it's not bcoz of maths test or anything.... telling myself the same old boring line again... "maybe tmr will be a better day"
meanwhile guess i'll juz occupy myself with work... there's always chem test to worry abt...

a few days ago some dj on the radio was arguing it is not about possession but u shld put in ur best to make it last...
somewhere online a webpage says: it is about meeting the someone at the right time...

the right time...wish i can always capture the right moment... but no, i always let go of chances... if u watch frm a third party's pt of view... like in drama serials u'll see how often it happens....when pple show up at the wrong time when sumthing good was actually goin to happen, u can juz hear the audience go "awww..." only that now it's real life...n though u never noe wad tmr may bring (tt's wad i tell myself everytime when sumthing goes wrong....self-comfort), yesterday's hurt and anger may surfaced once again... how come pple juz dun wait? a few more minutes cld haf saved everything....

~ ~ ~

today's cca again.... n usually i'll be quite happie... n summore today's the last week of guitar...for this yr. =( n duno y.... all the class pple started disappearing after 3... shuwen jiemin they all went to eat lunch... others went for cca... qr was nowhere to be seen... ps went for chi society things... which may also explain amm's absence frm her class bench... daphne got sum econ sos thingy.... everyone juz went for cca. was checking my watch... 1510... wahhh still got 20 min to go... woonteng wun be goin for guitar... shuang ning goin later...meiyun they all were there but with their other cca frens. i sound so selfish, but haiz... I felt so alone. desperately wanted to tok to someone. it's not self-pity, but something else....as i spent a lonely 20 min stoning at class bench, suddenly got the urge to hug and cry on my guitar....

but i cant, considering the no. of pple milling around the right wing... guess it's all abt pride, if it's not for it, i wldn't haf screwed up everything. n fortunately, guitar prac helped me forget nearly everything, music does have a calming effect (except for once, i was so depressed that i went to play sad songs on the piano.... to my horror, i started crying uncontrollably while i played it's like all the hidden emotions suddenly came out of me.....luckily nobody's at home. i noe gals are sort of allowed to cry... but i duno... maybe it's best if i cry for a really happie thing instead)

maybe i'll write a letter to myself... how weird addressing myself as the third party... but tink i cant go bother my frens all the time... they got their own troubles too... n i prayed that everything will be alright again tmr...